


take me to sturch (stage church)

by peraltiagoisland



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: "Platonic" Make Out Sessions, Also He Keeps Asking Her To Marry Him, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake Dating, JAKE AND AMY ARE 18 BTW, Jake Has A Gazillion Kinks, Jake and Amy’s kinks align like stars in the sky, Practice Kissing, Pretending They're Not Dating, That Amy Keeps Enabling, They Are Idiots, This fic is kink free tho uwu, casually, no foot fetishes sorry y’all ://, this fic is a wild crazy lame ride hop aboard kiddos, why are the tags on this fic so weird dodie's gonna judge me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2018-12-10 10:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 261,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiagoisland/pseuds/peraltiagoisland
Summary: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago are a Classic™ example of a theater rivalry– competing for roles as long as they can remember, striving to be Holt's favorite student actor (his favorite is Gina, but no one needs to know that).The dynamics of Jake and Amy's rivalry start to twist when they enter high school, getting cast as romantic leads year after year. They begrudgingly put up with this— until senior year rolls around and they find out that they have to kiss on stage.





	1. i'm in love with a girl i hate (she enjoys, pointing out every bad thing about me)

**AMY’S ROOM, 1027 HOURS, TALKING TO KYLIE ON THE PHONE**

“This is gonna be your what— _hundredth_  school production?” Kylie snorts over the phone. “You might actually act yourself to death if you keep doing this.”

“It’s fun, Kylie. Memorizing lines, bringing joy to an audience-”

“You mean getting standing ovations and praise, or approval of some kind?” Kylie interjects without a moment’s hesitation. “Amy, I may have moved to a new school district, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten your validation craving ass.”

Amy huffs, but it’s light-hearted and lacking any sort of malice, because Kylie is absolutely right. She yearns for approval, especially when it comes from authority figures, people she respects, etc.

“Fine. I guess I do love all of that. But even if I hated acting, I’m attached to the club at this point. I wouldn’t leave.”

“Ah,  _Jake Peralta_  must’ve finally grown on you-”

“Shut up! He’s unbearable!”

If Amy were forced to pick one aspect of theatre she found the most tiring, insufferable, vexing, and draining to experience—it would be Jake. Hands down. She wouldn’t even have to consider it. Jake Peralta is annoying, full of himself, tells stupid jokes, and oh yeah—they’re enemies, something mutually declared since elementary school.

“Lies, lies, lies,” Kylie drawls sultrily. “Surely years of playing lovers doth drawn you close?”

Amy groans into the receiver to express her disgust as dramatically as possible. “No, no no no no no! That doesn’t even make sense!”

High school brought upon a mysterious phenomenon that was an absolute curse to Amy. For the past three years, Jake and Amy have been cast as lovers in every single school production they’ve acted in. That’s right-  _Every. Single. One._  Their director Raymond Holt insists he’s not doing it on purpose—they are apparently the only actors in the club exhibiting the right chemistry to portray lovers.

This knowledge appalls them both, but it’s a good thing playing romantic counterparts usually comes with lead roles. Everyone loves a good romance, but no one loves love more than their scriptwriter, Terry Jeffords, whom they mostly refer to as Terry. Terry makes a living playing in the NFL, writing plays for their school as a hobby. He’s an alumni student with a knack for language, and a degree in theatre studies to back it up. His plays are witty and poetic, but most significantly riddled with romance and thus he always has his main characters fall in love with each other.

“Come on—it’s got to mean  _something_  if they keep casting the two of you as a couple. And don’t give me that enemy crap; enemies hardly talk to each other, and they  _definitely_ don’t play lovers on stage.”

“Hey, we have no say in the casting! And I wish he wouldn’t talk to me—we’re not friends, and we never will be.”

Kylie pauses, withholding response to ponder over this. Amy is being unnecessarily hostile regarding Jake—sure, they’re ‘enemies’, but Kylie would actually categorize their relationship as more of an off-and-on friendship.

Of course, they were nothing but vicious to each other before high school: Jake and Amy used to go head to head for lead characters, and considered the other their biggest competitor when it came to casting. Director Holt always made sure there was no bias in his scripts, giving rise to gender neutral roles that meant Jake and Amy were always on equal footing to fight over main characters.

That was the most stark similarity about them: their competitiveness. But their shared competitiveness was matched with passion and talent, putting the two of them among Director Holt’s favorites. Eventually, he started casting them as romantic counterparts—whether this was a ploy to force Jake and Amy to overcome their differences was something only the man himself would know.

In short, Jake and Amy’s relationship became more amicable after they started high school, although they often clash, resulting in bouts of annoyance and resentment (usually caused by Jake and experienced by Amy).

Kylie’s point is: Amy doesn’t get  _this_  mad and insistent about Jake and her being enemies unless he does something to majorly piss her off, which leads her to believe…

“He made one of those  _‘title of your sex tape’_  jokes again, didn’t he?”

 _“I’m hanging up.”_ This means Kylie is a hundred percent right _._

“Hey, calm down! They’re a little funny.”

“How could you be on  _his_  side?”

“I’m not! Maybe…” Kylie smirks. “Those 'jokes’ are his way of saying he wants to have se-”

“ _GOODBYE, KYLIE._ ”

She hangs up for real after that.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0807 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S HOMEROOM**

Amy watches unfazed but with a rapt attention as Jake shuffles into class minutes late without a shred of urgency. He spots her disapproving frown immediately, waving shamelessly before placing a finger over his lips—as if he were worried about getting caught. Their homeroom teacher Mr McGintley is fast asleep on his desk, snores rolling out in crescendos and diminuendos.

“Hey  _desk buddy_ ,” Jake greets blithe and casual as he settles in the seat next to Amy, maliciously rubbing in the new fact that they’re desk partners. Assigned to sit together. For an entire school year. It’s only for homeroom and Global Studies, but still.

“You’re  _seven_  minutes late,” she cuts in bluntly, her face burning with a glower. She hates how ostentatious his attitude towards late-coming is, although to be fair Jake’s existence generally tends to irk her in and of itself.

“Who died and made you teacher?” He teases, noisily dumping his duffle bag on the table and carelessly rummaging through it for god-knows-what.

Amy points at an unconscious Mr McGintley. “Does  _he_  look alive to you?”

Laughter bubbles in Jake’s throat, which sweetens Amy’s bitter mood. He often has a tendency to be the most annoying person on the planet, but his laughter rings and chimes, uplifting and contagious to all who hear it.

“Okay okay, I actually have a good reason for being late–” he finally pulls what he’s been looking for out his bag (which she notes with a grimace, is full of trash), revealing a large packet of gummy worms. “I bought sour candy from the bodega that’s shutting down! Their prices now are  _dope_ -ishly low.”

“That’s not a valid reason,” it’s not Amy’s job to care, but she’s stating a fact. Buying candy has never been and never will be accepted as a pardon for being late to school. “Also  _'dope-ishly’_  is not a word.”

“Aww, don’tfrown you sour clown-” he coos mushily, which disgusts Amy. “I got you something too.”

A flash of intrigue passes over her face, but is soon replaced with skepticism.

“Really,” she says flatly. “Don’t tell me it’s candy.”

“Fine, I won’t tell you–” yet he reaches into his bag and pulls out a pen which nearly gets Amy shrieking.

Which might seem to be an overreaction, but this isn’t just any old pen—it’s a  _limited edition_  fountain pen that Amy remembers complaining about being out of stock the week before.

_She’s in shock._

“Why did you—how did you-”

“Chillax. I saw it while buying candy and bought it since I had extra cash. It was the last one.  _You’re welcome._ ”

Amy looks up at him disbelievingly. “You bought this at a  _bodega_?”

“No,” he corrects. “I was buying candy on the way home yesterday too. And it was in the stationary store next door.”

Amy forces herself not to disapprove of or form any sort of judgement regarding his addiction to sugar. He did, after all, buy her an expensive fountain pen she had been searching for for weeks. “How did you… remember? How did you even know _?_ ”

“No biggie. You wouldn’t stop yappin’ on about it, ‘course I heard everything. And don’t think I did this for you–” he waggles his finger playfully–“I did this for _Karma._ ”

Amy snorts, straightening in her seat because whatever Jake’s about to say next is probably going to be good.

“You did this for  _luck_?”

“ _Specifically_ , so that we won’t get cast as a couple again this year,” he explains, and this logic resonates with Amy.

“Oh, yes. I’d love for that not to happen.”

“So we’re on the same page, good. Because full offense, but I wanna do actual cool stuff this year, not practice making  _goo-goo_  eyes at you all the time.”

Amy nods her assent. “Agreed.”

“Nice. And just in case the universe hasn’t caught up–” Jake takes the fountain pen from Amy’s hands, before presenting it to her again in a formal gesture. “This is me–” he looks up at the ceiling, speaking to the universe–“doing something  _nice_  for Amy Santiago.”

“And this is  _me–_ ” Amy continues, looking up at the ceiling as well, surprising Jake with how seriously she’s taking this. “– _accepting_ his nice act of kindness.”

After a delayed pause, they break apart, Jake returning the fountain pen to Amy.

“That better work. Here’s to not being onstage lovers.”

The bell rings then, and they part ways for classes where they won’t have to sit together.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1803 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (AUDITIONS)**

“The role of Johnny will be played by Jake, and lastly, the role of Dora will be taken on by Amy.”

“Yes!” Jake fist-pumps excitedly, whooping and cheering boisterously as his voice echoes throughout the theater.

It seems Karma is working in his favor—Johnny’s a badass (as far as Jake can tell from the script excerpts they read for auditions), and he seems to have no interest in romantic entanglements whatsoever. In fact, none of the script excerpts seem to reveal any sort of romance in the play at all. Terry must’ve finally grown sick of the lovers thing, thank god (or Karma).

Plus, Johnny is long for John, and Terry hasn’t revealed character last names yet, but in Jake’s mind Johnny’s last name is definitely  _McClane._

“Please do limit your reactions,” Holt reminds pointedly, his words directed at Jake, specifically.

“Sure. But like… my passion for theatre overwhelms thy?” Jake attempts, failing miserably to make any sense. It will probably be best for his pursuit of theatre to end with high school.

Thankfully, any negative reaction from Holt gets interrupted by Terry, who nearly bursts through the doors in excitement.

“The scripts are printed!” He announces, relief evident in his voice. The printing shop had messed up that morning, and thus he could only get parts of the script to school on time for auditions.

“Excellent,” Holt remarks with a slight nod. “All speaking roles in the play have thus been assigned, and I’ll start working with the ensemble in our upcoming session. We shall also be doing a script read, so kindly go through the script on your own when you return home. Gina, do send me a text message if you have any suggestions regarding ensemble work.”

“ _Aight,_ ” says Gina, leader of the ensemble, and the reason why they have at least three dance numbers every performance. Holt took a liking to her years ago, seeing promise and potential in her, which he could not be more right about.

“If there are no further questions, you are all dismissed. Have a good rest.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BEDROOM, 2347 HOURS, WAY PAST HIS BEDTIME BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE HIS MOM STOPPED ENFORCING THAT YEARS AGO**

Three- _ty_  (so, thirty) five games of Kwazy Cupcakes later (don’t judge him, he was  _this_ close to beating Gina’s score), Jake rolls over and puts his phone down to charge, catching sight of his script and deciding to leaf through it before going to bed.

He decides he likes Johnny well enough, although he doesn’t actually turn out as similar to John McClane as Jake would prefer—he’s still pretty cool in his own way.

Jake nearly shuts his script when he notices something at the bottom of the page– 

 

 

> **_Johnny leans forth, embracing Dora in a gentle, chaste kiss._ **

 

_What? This couldn’t be happening!_

Jake reads through the script again and again, scrutinizing the interactions between Johnny and Dora—crap,  _Amy_ was playing Dora!

His chest tightens nervously as he flips the pages, words blurring together as he begins to full-on freak out. This can’t be, his eyes must be playing tricks on him—why was there a kiss?

The only thing that surfaces to his mind as he tosses his script halfway across the room is that Karma—is an absolute bitch, as they say, and doing anything good is pointless because the universe doesn’tcarewhat you do. In fact, doing something nice—like getting Amy the fountain pen she wanted so badly and making her eyes widen like they always do over nerdy stuff—was only going to result in something worse, like having to  _kiss_  Amy.

 

* * *

 

**SOMEWHERE IN BROOKLYN, 0758 HOURS, EN ROUTE TO BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL**

Jake frantically reads through the script again, praying, hoping, that what he discovered last night was all part of a dream (or some horrific nightmare) and that Johnny’s actually just as cool if not even cooler than John McClane, super badass, and most importantly, doesn’t have to suck face with  _anyone_.

 

 

> **_Johnny leans forth, embracing Dora in a gentle, chaste kiss._ **
> 
>  

_God damnit, no!_ Jake nearly rips the script in frustration, but his scripts are almost always subject to wear and tear anyway (unlike Amy’s neatly filed scripts with her lines highlighted, neatly margined with post-its containing actor’s notes), so it would make no difference, really.

What was he going to do? He has to kiss Amy, for god’s sake, and that’s (obviously) something they’ve never done. Yes, they’ve been playing lovers onstage for three years straight, but they have never, ever, had to kiss.

Until now, apparently.

Jake plods in dread, each footstep he takes slowing with every pace. He’s really not looking forward to school today.

 

* * *

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0809 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S HOMEROOM**

Amy’s staring into space, not bothering to acknowledge Jake’s tardiness, not even glancing over when Jake trudges in (significantly quieter than usual). She seems to be deep in concentration, or confusion, or heck it could be  _happiness—_ Jake can’t say for sure, because he feels much too awkward about the whole situation to look at her too.

“Hey,” he finally says, because the silence wants to kill him, and they can’t not talk about this.

“Hey,” she mumbles, fiddling with her hair absentmindedly, actions Jake’s not used to seeing Amy take.

“Okay, I’ll come right out and say it because you obviously read the whole script first thing when you got home: what the hell is up with that kiss?”

“I know right?” Amy snaps and words roll out her mouth, unstoppable. “It makes no sense to me! Why in the world would a strong, independent woman like Dora be interested in someone like Johnny?”

Jake tenses. “I wouldn’t go that deep yet—my issue was mainly the smooching.”

To be fair, Amy had not read the entire script like Jake assumed. She too, got freaked out when she realized what was going to happen between their characters and could barely process any more words after that. Her impression of Dora was largely based on the material they received during the auditions, and the way she had planned to portray her.

Amy gulps, receding back to her previous disposition. “Yeah. That, I don’t—why would Terry do something like that?”

Jake shrugs. “Maybe Holt’s gonna hate it. I mean, maybe he doesn’t know about the kiss yet, and he’ll tell Terry to cut it.”

“Maybe.”

“Or we can protest—right? Holt will hear us out. They can’t  _make_  us kiss.”

 

* * *

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1520 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

They’re completely wrong—Holt loves Terry’s script to bits.

“Dare I say, Jeffords, this could very well be your bestwork,” he remarks, shaking his head in pride as he reads through the script.

“Thank you, Sir, that means a lot to hear.”

Jake and Amy exchange panicked looks—neither of them want to protest against the script after hearing something like that. One other thing they have in common is not wanting to disappoint Holt (although Jake would never admit this), which means they have to suck it up and…  _suck face._

* * *

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1525 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (WATER BREAK BEFORE FIRST SCRIPT READ)**

“Okay what if–” Jake suggests as Amy nervously gulps water. “We got the wrong script?”

Amy’s face contorts doubtfully. “How would that happen?”

“Maybe–” his fingers tap against the drywall–“the kiss was in an earlier draft of Terry’s play, but he cut it out, andit just... didn’t change for our scripts!”

Amy’s eyes brighten with a glimmer of hope. “It’s a very slim chance, but…”

The two break off immediately, determined to check as many scripts as possible in order to test their theory.

Jake spots Charles nearby, working on a list of props they’ll need to make, using the script as reference. Ever since he’s been promoted to Head Of Props, Charles has taken a bit of a backseat acting-wise by taking on smaller roles, which isn’t a problem at all because he’s absolutely brilliant with props. Charles has delicate and dainty fingers perfect for crafting the most sturdy and beautiful props, thus making him the right person for the job.

“Hey buddy, can I take a look at that?” Jake trails on with an air of nonchalance, grabbing the script and quickly scanning through it before Charles even realizes it’s out of his hands.

“Sure, I’ll just work on this later. You forgot your script again, huh?” He teases, but lacking any sort of judgement.

“Nah, me and Amy are just checking in case we don’t actually have to kiss in the play.”

_“YOU AND AMY HAVE TO KISS?!”_

Charles shocks Jake, the entire club, Holt, Terry, the building, and possibly the entire world with his explosive response. He’s on his feet now, eyes wide open and fingers curled in excitement.

While his outburst was a shock, Charles’ happiness comes at no surprise to Jake. The former often tries to persuade Jake that his supposed 'hatred’ for Amy is in actual fact, a huge crush. Their repeated claims to be enemies mean nothing to Charles’ heart.

 _“OH, YOU PROBABLY MEAN BLUE AND CREAMY HAVE TO CHEESE, CHARLES!”_ Jake yells, just as loudly in a desperate attempt to cover up, which is completely useless since everyone definitely heard Charles loud and clear.

“Really, Charles?!” Jake whispers in a harsh tone which does nothing to tear down Charles’ jubilation.

“Not sorry, Jake. This is  _destiny!”_

“No, this is notdestiny, this is something that can’t happen!” Jake settles with a frustrated sigh in a nearby seat. “At least you not knowing probably means we don’t really have to kiss.”

“Uh, actually Jake- I haven’t read the whole script.”

“What?  _Charles!_ ” Jake picks the script back up and furiously searches again.

“I’m sorry! I only have a few lines, and I needed to catch up on homework.”

Jake freezes in place suddenly, which gets Charles grinning wide and leaning over to read the line:

 

 

> **_Johnny leans forth, embracing Dora in a gentle, chaste kiss._ **
> 
>  

Jake groans in denial, getting him strange looks from some, but smirks from many others that already know what Jake and Amy have to do.

Almost everyone knows by the time the script read starts, and it gets people looking at Jake and Amy suggestively, to say the least.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1530 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (FIRST SCRIPT READ)**

It only gets worse from there. People don’t just  _look_  at Jake and Amy, they’re affected, jittery and giggly as they mess up lines, recite with the wrong emotions.

Jake and Amy, on the other hand, are awkward and their delivery is lifeless. They too, fail to maintain any semblance of professionalism.

Holt stops the script read halfway through.

“I am incredibly disappointed in you all. This childish  _buffoonery_  is something I wouldn’t dream of receiving even from actors in  _elementary school_ \- of which, the few of you that I worked with then displayed better performance than you currently are. If everyone doesn’t get their act together— _literally_ , I will cancel this year’s play effective immediately. Am I clear?”

His anger has everything. Enunciated denunciations, finger pointing, and wordplay delivered with a serious face. Everyone shrivels in shame at having let down their respected director, most of all Jake and Amy. They know they’ve caused the club to lose focus for the craft, and they themselves have also failed to keep up their standards and live up to Holt’s expectations.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1750 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM (ONE WEEK LATER)**

The past week was one of silence between Jake and Amy. Things are awkward, and they haven’t spoken since getting very thoroughly chewed out by Holt the week before. Neither has bothered striking up a conversation which makes class quiet and boring, but it’s better than having to confront the issue.

Except, things have improved from last rehearsal. Everyone takes the script read seriously, pleasing Director Holt which makes him decide to start blocking scenes. His focus this rehearsal is largely on scene transitions, as it’s too early to experiment with props and set. As a result, things are moving quickly, actors running on and off stage with their scripts and saying their lines, barely making the effort to experiment with any actions.

That’s actually the problem here, for Jake and Amy. Things are moving much too quickly, and they know their kiss scene is coming up. They won’t be 'saved by the bell’ or allowed to skip that scene because that’s not Holt’s style, and they can’t go on stage and beat about the bush about having to kiss, because it might make Holt angry again.

Everyone’s doing a great job today,including Jake and Amy, and they can’t ruin that because they’re getting all freaked out about touching lips. It’s a kiss, that likely won’t last more than a few seconds, and it’s not like they’ve never kissed other people. Jake’s had  _two_  girlfriends, like the goddamn  _rockstar_  he is, and Amy used to date Teddy, a fucking loser Jake hates, but Amy used to make out with that blob, so he’s (unfortunately) still being noted as part of Amy’s past kissing experience. Her kissing resume, or her kissing portfolio, if you will.

Point is—Jake and Amy have never kissed each other, and they’ll never want to, but they very likely have to within the next hour or so regardless of their feelings, and that’s why Jake’s now standing in the dressing room, having followed Amy in.

Somehow, she’s not even surprised and seems to have no intention of kicking him out.

“Hey,” she says, swallowing awkwardly as she leans against the corner of the dressing table. Jake fares no better in looking cool, and is so close to the door he might as well not have entered the room in the first place.

“Hey,” he says, and then he cracks because this pressure is crazy unbearable and one of them has to take the plunge and go for it, right?

“Okay so—things are moving real fast rehearsal wise, and I don’t think we can skip… y'know.”

Amy nods rapidly, picking at her skin. “Yeah, I know. We’ll probably have to be on stage soon, give or take a few minutes.”

Jake takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair. He can’t believe he’s actually going to suggest this, even though it’s literally why he followed Amy into this dressing room.

“Look, we’re gonna have to do it eventually, so you wanna just…  _practice_  before we have to do it for realz? I don’t want Holt to go batshit crazy again, and if we mess this up everyone’s gonna laugh in our faces.”

Amy nods, and it seems like it’s the only thing she’s been capable of this entire conversation.

“I mean, Gina’s convinced it’s gonna be the kiss of the century in terms of sloppiness and unwillingness, so we gotta at least prove her wrong about our kiss being 'Youtube-viral’ bad.”

This gets Amy to crack a smile—it’s half-hearted of course, but her tense and overly quiet demeanor had been far too worrying to get subjected to, and although Jake’s not exactly throwing a parade in excitement over having to kiss her, he hasn’t nearly been this unresponsive.

“Yeah, let’s do this,” she tacks on with a lip bite. “Lock the door.”

Jake titters to lighten the mood. “And I thought we were leaving it wide open so everyone could watch,” but he locks the door.

They both take a deep breath. Several deep breaths.

“We’re really doing this,” he says, and it’s possible he’s never felt so anxious about—anything, really.

“Yup. We are about to kiss. To practice. For stage.  _Play–_ ” she sucks in a tight breath, because she’s clearly freaking out about this too.

“Okay, we’re making this out to be too big a deal. On three, we kiss. Okay? One-”

“ _-who’s doing the counting?_ ” She interjects unintentionally, eyes widening when she realizes he had already started counting and she had just interrupted him, stopping his flow and making everything worse.

“God damnit, Ames, you’re-”

“Screw it— _onetwothree_ ,” she stammers before grabbing his shirt and pulling in for a kiss.

Jake’s caught completely off guard at first and his late response is slow and cautious. Amy’s lips feel uncertain and scared against his so he decides to meet her efforts at initiation with a bit more confidence. They’re practicing kissing, right? He knows how to kiss  _kinda_ , so he’s not gonna give her half-assed snorkeling and starts properly moving his lips.

Her hands are still clutching his shirt tight and stiff, so he places his arms around her waist because he has no where else to put them, and holding them up like he’s being held hostage is probably not something he should produce on stage.

The strange thing is, they actually start getting into a little bit of a rhythm, and it’s… not bad.

Okay, it’s more than just  _not bad_ , it’s good, it’s really good and it just gets better by the second.

Jake’s insistent lips encourage a more passionate and fiery response from Amy, and that’s when things spiral out of control.

Jake sees stars when Amy shoves him against the wall, her hands no longer just crumpling his un-ironed shirt but instead grazing his sides. It’s strangely a sensation he enjoys- her hands are gentle but ambitious, they want more than they’re getting, and Jake wants to give Amy’s hands whatever they want.

By the time Jake meets Amy’s tongue, notstuck out at him in petty annoyance, but delving into his mouth, warm and playful; he’s completely lost in pleasure. Kissing Amy is ecstasy, pure heaven, and he hums in delight at the talent of her lips with each smack and lick.

Jake and Amy completely lose themselves, forgetting everything around them, the reason why they started kissing in the first place slipping from their minds. Their hearts are pounding no longer from nervousness but from the intensity of their actions. Their kiss seems to have no end, only slowing down now and then with no signs of stopping. Their minds are blank, completely blank, because somehow getting sucked into what is currently the most mind-blowing kiss of either of their lives leaves little space for critical thinking.

Jake’s hands leave Amy’s waist and begin combing through her hair, she bucks up against his lips and Jake smiles, he takes note of this for future–

“JAKE IF YOU’RE IN THERE GET ON STAGE ITS TIME FOR THE KISS SCENE!”

Jake and Amy split apart, Charles’ (very excited) voice waking them up like getting dunked in a bucket of ice. They’re panting heavily, having pushed each other away in sheer horror. Jake’s not looking at Amy, Amy’s not looking at Jake, they’re both just staring at different areas of space trying to pump enough oxygen back into their brains.

_Which is when Jake starts to truly panic._

What on earth just happened? His lips, and Amy’s lips, touched and did something and it was magical and beautiful and honestly kinda sexy and  _she was sexy_ and the kiss was super hot and—Jake is a complete mess who may or may not want to grab Amy and start kissing her again.

Because  _holy smokes_  that felt good. Really good, the best damn kiss of Jake’s life. And seeing Teddy and knowing what a loser he is he probably did a crap job of kissing Amy too so heck,  _assuming Amy hasn’t kissed anyone else_ , could be the best kiss of her life too! Just saying!

“I think we have to go,” and Amy’s words descend Jake into new levels of dismay.

They were going to have to kiss now. In front of Holt, and anyone else watching—they were going to have to kiss each other.

Jake could be considered an idiot for freaking out about having to kiss Amy after just kissing Amy: but that’s the entire point. He  _kissed_ Amy. When really, he should’ve just  _lightly smooched_ Amy. Or  _pecked_  her on the lips. But no, they just had to make out for god knows how long, and he’s freaking out because the way they just sucked face is definitely not how they should suck face on stage. Or anywhere, really. Their kiss was something he wouldn’t recommend showing to kids.

Because as Jake recalls all too clearly (due to reading it over and over to make sure it was real), the script calls for: 

 

 

> **_Johnny leans forth, embracing Dora in a gentle, chaste kiss._ **
> 
>  

See? A cute, PG-rated kiss that kids could see and go  _aw_ , not their violent slamming against walls, hair-pulling mess that would make children cry, scarring them for life.

What they need (in about seconds from now) is a sweet, innocent kiss—not  _Thirty Seconds Before Porn._ And given how they failed to do that in the dressing room, Jake isn’t sure they’ll be able to pull it off now.

They approach the stage carefully, steps loaded with dread when they realize Holt is no longer in the audience. Instead, they see almost  _everyone_  from the club, with Gina and Rosa sitting in the front row. For some strange reason, everyone has popcorn, Gina and Rosa most of all.

“Where did Holt go?” Amy asks, genuinely curious, although Jake can’t help but note a degree of relief in her voice.

“Family emergency,” Rosa explains, mouth full of popcorn. She has no business staying here right now, being in charge of both lights and sound ( _yeah_ , Rosa’s good), and it’s too early in the stage of production for her to be of use. She’s required to turn up for club sessions, of course, but Rosa’s definitely not supposed to be sitting in the front row, eating popcorn like she’s about to watch her favorite movie in theater for the third time in a row.

In fact, none of the club members are supposed to be sitting in the audience seats right now as per Holt’s rules, let alone the whole club.

“Then why are we all still here? Doesn’t this mean rehearsal’s over?” Jake questions.

“ _Nuh uh_ ,” Gina explains, mouth full of popcorn as well. Where they all got their popcorn is a mystery, but not a prioritized concern. “Holt says I gotta make sure y'all get the kiss right, he says he wants to see it next rehearsal.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “Fine-” he grabs Amy’s face and plants a kiss smack on her lips before pulling away, taking her by surprise. “Can we go home now?”

Some people whoop in excitement, others gasp in shock at actually seeing Jake and Amy kiss, albeit briefly. Charles starts tearing up, which Jake pretends he doesn’t see.

“NO,” Gina narrows her eyes, which only makes Rosa break into a wide grin. “Not good enough. Do you  _want_ me to tell Holt y'all ain’t taking this seriously?”

Jake and Amy protest against this apologetically. Gina’s threats hold real power because Holt trusts in Gina and her judgement. If she were to tell Holt that Jake and Amy weren’t taking parts of the play seriously, he would believe her, and that’s not something either of them want.

“How long do you even want us to kiss for?” Amy asks, her tone impatient but question valid.

“ _Forever_ ,” Charles sighs with a dreamy smile, and it kind of scares Jake if he’s being honest.

“Give it  _at least_  ten seconds,” Gina relents, and Jake and Amy shrug because hey, that’s reasonable.

Except when they do kiss, it’s awkward and strange all over again because they seem to be holding back _(because they are holding back)_ , and they’re kissing weird and with restraint, something they would’ve expected from themselves if they had not practiced. So their practice session had been practically useless _._

The crowd goes wild—not with applause, but with jeers and taunts. They’re being booed by the  _drama club_ , especially Gina and Rosa who hurl popcorn at them, eventually prompting them to stop kissing because things are getting way too crazy.

“COME ON, GET SOME TONGUE IN THERE!” Gina yells.

“GRAB EACH OTHERS ASSES!” Rosa adds just as aggressively.

Only Charles remains loyal and still touched by their kiss, and after all the hubbub dies down everyone slowly leaves the theatre to go home because Gina and Rosa had lied about rehearsal not being over and everyone had went along with it to see Jake and Amy kiss.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1804 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM**

Amy walks back to the dressing room (after Gina announces that rehearsal’s over) which thankfully no one is around to witness, especially since she hears Jake’s footsteps behind following her.

He locks the door, a smart move that nearly gets Amy blushing.

“So um, that went horribly,” she starts, because it really did, and she kind of wants to talk about how intense their kiss from before got but she doesn’t know how to even begin to approach the situation.

“Mmhmm, yeah,” Jake slurs in a way that Amy knows usually means he’s not listening to a word she’s saying. She’s about to chide him but when she looks up he’s very obviously staring at her lips. She’s almost surprised but the attention he adorns her with makes it hard to look away. His eyes on her makes Amy feel like the most prized possession one could only wish for.

This heated exchange of gazes snaps and Amy’s not sure who surges forth first but they’re kissing again, and it’s somehow even better than the first time—it’s more desperate, it starts much faster and needier than their last, and it feels absolutely incredible _._

Kissing Jake is more than just kissing—his arms are wrapped around her more firmly now, his hands running rampant up and down her back; desire pools at the pit of her belly because his lips declare want and need,insufferable need without using words and his hands feel so ridiculouslygood, Amy both wishes and would hate for his hands to leave her back and touch her elsewhere.

Embarrassingly, Amy’s so overwhelmed by pleasure she lets out a wordless moan that gets Jake chuckling noiselessly against her lips. She finally comes to her senses and pushes him away.

“Okay, that, that’s just  _weird_ ,” she puts it out there, because it is weird, superweird-

“Uh, huh,” he shifts, voice strained.

“We—we’re supposed to  _hate_  each other,” she says, and it comes out almost as a reminder, a memo that  _hey, they’re still enemies_  and enemies do notmake out… likethat _._

“Oh yeah, I like,  _super_ hate you too,” he’s very unconvincing, but Amy can’t blame him for not hating her guts after what they just did. It was freaking amazing, even if she says so herself.

“So what does–”

“–but maybe this isn’tabout us, or hating each other, or anything. Maybe we’re just supergood actors and it shows.”

Amy considers this. “Huh.”

“Right?”

“Okay but—when Teddy and I used to kiss it was never anything like  _that_.”

Jake grins wide and proud, and Amy almost rolls her eyes because  _great_ , she just gave him more reason to be super full of himself.

“Hmm, never would’ve guessed,” he teases, but Amy can’t even bring herself to get mad. “But like,  _ditto_. It was never like that for me either, but Teddy isn’t an actor, and neither were my exes.”

Amy nods. “That’s true.”

“So maybe it’s just one of those actor chemistry thingies. And we’re just good at kissing. And that’s why–” his hand extends, gesturing back and forth–“this, y'know.”

“Yeah, I think I get what you mean,” Amy crosses her arms. “So since we’ve pretty much nailed this kissing thing, we should stop practicing?”

“What? NO-” Jake protests, with an intensity that scares Amy.

“Why not?”

“No, I don’t think we should stop at all. In fact, I think we need to  _keep_  practicing.”

Amy raises an eyebrow in interest. A part of her is curious about how Jake will explain himself. Another small,  _very small_  part she’s barely aware of, wants him to admit he wants to keep kissing her… purely because of how enjoyable he finds it.

“Why?”

“You think they’re gonna let us up on stage with a kiss like  _that?_  Parents will  _sue,_  just like they did when Charles played Daddy Warbucks in our production of Annie–”

“Ew, no!  _Gross gross gross!_  Please don’t remind me of that,” she begs with her fingers curled up and her eyes tight shut. She doesn’t know this, but Jake finds it to be almost cute.

“Amy–” he continues, “we have to focus all our energy into making this kiss as un-sexy and school friendly as we possibly can.”

“That was sexy to you?” Amy teases, almost because she wants to hear him admit it, somehow making her worst enemy (that makes sex tape jokes insinuating that she’s a boring prude) admit that something she did/participated in was sexy is appealing to her.

Jake looks at Amy incredulously, like she’s got to be kidding him. “Amy, you  _moaned._ ”

Amy’s breath catches in her throat, because she knows she did, and she knows she was loud enough for him to hear, and she knows she pulled away specifically because she had moaned, and because of his reaction to it but—hearing him lay it all out makes it so much more real, and she’s now tongue tied and her cheeks are burning more and more with each passing second.

He knows he’s got her feeling shy, and he responds with a shallow laugh. “Relax, it’s cool, it happens. And it was pretty hot, I’ll give you that–” this makes Amy feel like convulsing, “but it’s exactly that kind of stuff that we need to get rid of before we take this kiss from the  _page-to-the-stage._ ”

Amy inhales sharply, and builds up the nerve to look up at him. “Okay, I’m in.”

“You are? Cool. Okay so, I don’t think we should keep practicing  _in here_  because people are eventually gonna find out and ask why we keep going to the dressing room together and locking the door, so we should meet up someplace else.”

“Where?”

“I’m thinking—my place? Before you say anything–” he holds his hands up even though Amy hasn’t so much as said a word of protest–“hear me out: my mom works late so we’ll get the house to ourselves. We could even do lines together, and hey, you can bring your homework! I know you’re always complaining about how noisy your place is. Seven brothers and all that.”

It’s a strangely sweet proposal, filled with details catering to Amy; how he pays attention to details about herself she doesn’t even directly share with him is frankly kind of amazing.

“I’m sold,” she says, holding her hand out which Jake shakes.

“Awesome. So it’s settled then.”


	2. take off your shoes, come in the room (and baby, let's try not to argue)

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 1455 HOURS, PACING BACK AND FORTH IN FRONT OF THE FRONT DOOR ANXIOUSLY**

Jake’s pacing back and forth in front of the front door anxiously—they’ve agreed on meeting today, for thefirst time, and Amy’s supposed to reach at three in the afternoon.

To say Jake feels nervous would be the understatement of the century. The moment he got home, he took a shower, using all the fancy soaps they had, which means he combined _Fresh And Flirty Rose!_  with (an extremely old)  _Head To Toes Babies._ He also put on some suspicious looking cologne that might’ve been left behind by one of his mom’s exes.

Not that he’s trying toimpressAmy, or anything, but if he were to smell bad he wouldn’t be able to blame it on some other dude’s B.O. or the stank-iness of the room in general. And he doesn’t want Amy telling the whole world that he reeks, right?

After his long shower, Jake had stretched out on his bed, leaving the door open so he could hear Amy ring the door bell.

But then a thought occurred to him— _what if she doesn’t notice the doorbell, and chooses to knock on the door, but he’s too far away to hear? Does their doorbell even work anymore? Do they even have a doorbell?_

He raced out of his room to check,  _(and after conducting five tests)_ relieved to know it worked, but he still couldn’t quite quell the bundle of nerves that refused to stop making his heart jump.

Perhaps it was best for him to wait at the front door until Amy arrived, the clock and door taking turns to be the subject of Jake’s glares.

 _This brings us to Jake’s current state:_ He's been ambling back and forth for close to ten minutes now, and Amy should be here soon.

Unless she’s late, which Jake doesn’t expect her to be because Amy’sneverlate, but at the same time, their meeting is unofficial and could be something she doesn’t care about being punctual for, right?

But then—what if she’s early? A possibility that dwindles with each passing second, yet something Jake can’t help but think about because the alternative would be to think about how crazythis arrangement is.

Because it is crazy! Amy’s literally coming over to his (empty) house so they can practice  _kissing_. Why did he think this was a good idea? Why did he _suggest_ this? And why did Amy Santiago,  _known for her rationality,_ agree?

At the same time, if Amy doesn’t come soon Jake might just combust _,_  and he can’t pinpoint why. Maybe it’s a combination of fear and uncertainty and unwillingness, like something bad you want to happen quickly so you can get it over and done with, because waiting in anticipation of it feels worse than actually having to do the bad thing.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 1500 HOURS, AMY AND JAKE’S SECRET KISSING PRACTICE SESSION**

The doorbell rings and relief spreads, flowing through Jake in a split second. He instinctively turns the doorknob—but then stops to think about whether he should wait a few seconds so it doesn’t seem like he’s spent over ten minutes waiting at a door like a puppy who badly misses their owner _(even though that’s exactly what he did)._

“Jake?” Amy calls out, because she heard the doorknob turn and she’s confused as to why it’s still shut. At that, Jake swings the door wide open.

“Sorry, had to look through the peephole and make sure you weren’t some crazy creep.  _Actually,_  I’m still not-”

Jake cuts off with a teasing laugh due to Amy’s jab, hitting his shoulder squarely.

“Shut up, I’m not a creep!” She argues more playfully than not, because she doesn’t actually have to convince Jake she’s not a creep—heinvited her here.

The air grows silent around them after that, and they stand like two badly carved sculptures in a low-budget art exhibition. Quickly enough however, the stress, awkwardness, intensity, or  _whatever_ gets them cracking, and they buckle in laughter at their situation.

“God, this feels  _weird_ _!_ ” Jake admits, loudly, and it’s liberating to lay it out directly, because this does feel strange, and they both know it.

“I know– what are we even supposed to do? Drop our stuff and just start making out right away?” They crack up, and the air feels lighter. “Why did we think this was a good idea?”

“Meeting up to practice kissing? Sounds more like the plot of an amateur porno!”

Amy’s entire face is struck with some kind of fascination, realization. “Woah… you’re right!”

“Right?” Jake raises his hand conversationally, because this situation they put themselves into really _does_  sound like something that would end in sex.

The laughter finally dies down, and they’re infinitely more relaxed now.

“Okay–” Jake continues. “While a crazyidea, we still gotta work on our kiss for the play. But to make this ‘sitch less awkward, maybe we could do something else first?”

“Uh, how about homework?” Amy suggests casually, and it gets Jake freezing up.

“Homework? Why?”

She shrugs, like it’s the mostlogicalactivity for two teenagers to get up to in an empty house. “I mean- I brought  _my_  homework… you have your homework here since youlivehere… shouldn’t we do it?”

Jake sighs, as if he’s just been handed the biggest burden in the world. “This must be why I hate you.”

But he says that smiling, grinning, with a tone lacking any sort of malice that only gets Amy smirking back at him.

“Hate me all you want but we’re doing homework–“

Amy breaks off when she catches sight of Jake’s ajar room door– the one with the _huge_ Die Hard poster– and immediately lights up in a way that gets Jake panicking once he puts two and two together.

“No, we’re not going into my–”

But Amy’s already making a break for his room before he can stop her. Sure, it’s not like he has super raunchy porn mags laid out over every inch of his room, or a ton of dirty underwear covering the floor like a carpet, but there’s definitely  _something_  incriminating in there, and Amy’sdefinitelygoing to find it.

Amy stands in the center of his room, as if in awe but also disgusted all the same.

“Welcome to my humble abode’s abode—where all the magic happens. We are  _not_  doing any better in making this less of a porn set up, by the way.”

Amy snorts, and walks over to his (very messy) desk.

“No way-” she picks up his nose ring. “You  _still_  have that nose ring you wore freshman year?” She gasps, clutching his arms tightly, excitedly, “do you have that kangol hat too?”

He confiscates his nose ring from her. “None of your business, Santiago, or should I remind you about the  _pantsuits_ you used to wear freshman year too?”

“I stand by those,” she says. “Pantsuits are professional workplace attire, and they should be socially accepted school attire.”

“Likewise,” Jake retorts curtly. “I stand by my nose ring. I would’ve kept wearing it if I didn’t get infected.”

“You stand by the hat too?”

Jake sighs, and it gets Amy giggling. At least he knows how stupid that hat was.

“But seriously,  _both_  the hat and nose ring are stupid. You look so much better the way you are now.”

Jake arches an eyebrow suggestively. “Amy, is this your way of hitting on me? Sorry to burst your bubble, but just telling me I look good won’t win me over—I’m easy, but I’m not  _that_  easy.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Please. You’re the last person I would  _ever_ hit on. And I meant that you looked so bad with the hat and nose ring that anything else is better in comparison.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

Amy’s attention shifts. “God, how many skateboards do you have? And are those six basketballs I see? Why do you need  _six_?”

Jake huffs humorously. “You should check out my sneaker collection. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t said one thing about the mess in here. Thought that’d be the first thing you’d zero in on.”

“Oh, of course, your room looks like a pigsty, and I’d clean it if given the chance but... it’s like visiting a whole new world in here. A dirty,  _disgusting_  world but–”

“OKAY that’s it fun’s over! This unofficial  _unapproved_  tour is now cancelled, let’s go do that homework, shall we?”

Amy looks almost impressed. “Can’t believe you’re doing homework voluntarily.”

“That happens when my room gets  _invaded_ and my life choices _criticized_.”

Amy titters cheekily. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have invited  _me_  into your home.”

“True. My bad. Where are we doing homework? How does it work again?”

Amy looks at Jake in utter confusion. “How does it  _work_? Have you never done homework in your—never mind, I don’t want to know the answer to that.”

“I’ll tell you anyway. I don’t do the homework unless the teacher says there’s a punishmentfor not doing it. And even then, I usually end up getting held back in school to finish homework stuff up. So most of the time? Nah. Homework’s not my thang.”

Amy appears on the verge of giving up on life.

“You know what? Let’s… do the homework here.”

“Here? Like in my room?”

“Like on your bed. There’s no space on your desk, since it’s being invaded by candy, amongst…  _other things_ ,” she observes, with the most painful of grimaces.

“Like on  _my bed?_  Do you  _want_  to have sex with me?”

“Grow up, Jake–”

“–sex is pretty grown up if you ask me.”

Amy’s breath hitches, but she doesn’t give up. “Your bed’s the most conducive environment we have to do homework. Unless you have a proper study table elsewhere? Like in the living room? Dining room?”

Jake shakes his head. “No, I eat and watch TV at both those tables, I don’t want to ruin them by doing homework.”

“See? I knew you’d say something like that, or at least get distracted by TV during homework. Surprisingly, your bed has theleastdistractions. So do you wanna do homework on your bed, or should we work on the  _floor_ that I’m sure you haven’t mopped in years?”

“I’d get offended, but I actually haven’t cleaned the floor ever, so you’re right. Let’s do homework on my bed—but if we end up having hot steamy porn sex that’s on you.”

“Whatever,” Amy inhales in annoyance, and the impromptu homework session commences.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 1646 HOURS, END OF IMPROMPTU HOMEWORK SESSION**

Amy sits up straight and stretches in relief, after finishing the very last of her homework. Jake ‘finished’ his a little while earlier since his classes are much more 'chill’ than Amy’s, and thus assign less work.

He has a point, since many of Amy’s subjects say 'Advanced Placement’ in them more often than not, but frankly, Amy’s pretty sure he’s either lying about his homework load or forgetting what homework was assigned. It may well be a little bit of both, but she still appreciates that he completed the homework he claims to have.

“See?” Amy remarks as she packs her homework neatly, slotting the stack of books and sheets of paper into her tote bag. “We did all our homework on your bed, and it _didn’t_ end in sex.”

“Oh great _,_ ” Jake heaves dryly, “it was  _so_  hard for me to resist you while you did homeworkfor hours _,_  so fucking hot—can we do it again?”

His words drip with sarcasm, and Amy is not amused.

“Shut up, Jake.” She settles her bag on the floor, taking care to make sure she doesn’t accidentally plop it down on top of any stray candy lying around.

“Oh wait! Now that the homework’s away, the porn powers come out to play— _suddenly, you’ve never looked sexier!”_

He says this so dramatically, gently pouncing on Amy like a man possessed. He’s got her lightly pinned underneath him on the bed now, and it makes her laugh but her heart thrums restlessly.

“Quit it,” she giggles as she pushes Jake off of her, who also finds this whole thing amusing because he thinks he’s just so funny. “And porn cliche or not, no one in theirright mind would have sex on this bed—it’s so uncomfortable!”

Jake gasps, completely betrayed. “Hey, I gave you the good lump!”

She sighs. “How your back hasn’t shattered to pieces already is amazing.”

“Okay, just so you know,” he continues. “I know someone who’s had plentyof sex on this bed, and he’s in his right mind.”

“Not something you should tell someone currentlysitting in your bed,” Amy says, her face displaying mild forms of disgust.

“To be fair, it’s mostly  _self-sex,_  so you can calm your jealous butt.”

“I’m not  _jealous_ , and god-” she inhales deeply. “I  _really_  did not need that mental image.”

“Made ya horny, huh?” he winks.

“It’s like you  _want_ me to run out of here screaming.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S ROOM, 1700 HOURS, DISTRACTING BANTER DIES DOWN**

Amy’s watch alarm goes off, reminding them why they’re here, and also getting Jake to question Amy’s alarm choices.

“Who sets an alarm at  _five_  in the evening?”

“Sorry,” she deactivates the alarm, “that’s usually supposed to remind me to stop studying and shower.”

“You have an alarm for that?” Jake asks disbelievingly. “God, you’re such a nerd.”

“ _Structured daily schedules_ are nerdy?” She retorts, her face contorting in displeasure.

Jake shrugs, “well wearing a watch is already pretty nerdy. I never wear a watch—if I wanna know what time it is I look at the  _clock,_  A.K.A.  _The Sun._ ”

Amy rolls her eyes. “You’re unbelievable.”

“But also superlovable, which balances things out.”

“I’m ignoring that-” she elects, “look, it’s getting late. We can’t keep talking—if we’re not going to practice kissing yet _,_ we should at least do something theater-related.”

Jake ponders over this, pursing his lips. “Oh! We could play a warm-up game. Holt always makes us do improv exercises before every rehearsal!”

“That’s a great idea!” Amy chimes in agreement. “Even if we’re just here to practice kissing, warming up is like,superimportant.”

“Because we’re kissing for the play–”

“–exactly.”

Jake smirks. “Okay, so what should we do first? Also, I know it’s gonna break your heart, but you haveto take your watch off, since it’s the rule.”

Amy snorts. “Jake, I’ve been taking my watch off during rehearsal for years. I think my heart’ll be fine.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S ROOM, 1800 HOURS, WARM-UP SESSION MOSTLY REDACTED BECAUSE JAKE AND AMY TAKE TOO LONG SINCE THEY’RE SO CLEARLY STALLING**

Jake and Amy actually end up having a ton of fun playing warm up games together. They realize they’ve never actually worked together to do improv—being enemies, they would never be caughtdeadvolunteering to improv with each other.

Which is a pity, because they’re  _unstoppable_  together. Every minute is filled with restrained laughter, wide smiles, and new (inside) jokes that they feel will get them chuckling randomly for several days ahead.

“Honey, I’m home!” Jake greets, pretending to open an invisible door, take off an invisible hat, and carry an invisible briefcase.

Amy spins around, holding an invisible knife. “Time to die–”

They’re interrupted by the beeping sound of Amy’s watch. An alarm is going off  _again_ , this time signaling that it’s six in the evening.

“Okay, seriously, how many alarms do you have? What’s this one for?” He chastises as Amy rushes to switch off the offending sound.

“Back off, I like keeping track of time. Speaking of which—we’ve been doing warm up exercises for an  _hour._ ”

“Crap, it’s been an hour? Okay yeah, we gotta start making out.” Jake sighs, looking hesitantly at Amy now.

They stare at each other, neither willing to make the first move, and suddenly everything’s weird and strange and bizarre all over again and theyhateit. This builds up to them breaking eye contact and moving (far away) from each other.

“Okay, this is hard,” Amy remarks and Jake nods his head readily. “How are we supposed to do this?”

“ _What if,_ ” Jake suggests, “we get our scripts out and read our lines together—just the parts where our characters interact, and when it gets to the kiss scene, we just go for it?”

“That’s good! It helps us get into character and feel the flow of the play.”

“Cool, cool, so—let’s get our scripts out and nail this kiss thing?”

“Yeah! And if we get this kiss right we’ll never have to meet up again!”

“ _Fantastic!_ ” Jake’s voice cracks, making this exclamation less convincing, but Amy doesn’t point it out.

So they start reading their lines in character, all focused as if it were a real rehearsal, standing face to face on the sticky floor (seriously, Jake needs to clean his room), acting out their parts together in the play.

The problem is, Jake and Amy only realizejusthow romantic Johnny and Dora’s love story is as they act it out face to face. The tension between the two characters _(and thus, both actors)_ is boundless and tangible, especially without all the other scenes in the play to balance things out.

Terry’sreallyoutdone himself this time, and Jake and Amy feel this first hand.

 

 

 

> _**Johnny leans forth, embracing Dora in a gentle, chaste kiss.** _

The moment they reach that stage direction, Jake and Amy drop their scripts, chargingforth with a frightening amount of need and desperation. Their lips meet and they find themselves in a sweet sort of heaven, if heaven were dirty and sinful, which it is _not,_ according to the Bible.

Their bodies slot together with a harsh force, and their hands press against places one might consider private. Heat radiates from the kiss, their lips and tongues soon raw from getting roughed up in an almost animalistic manner.

Because they’re kissing so freely, their minds fail to care about anything other than pleasure, and every varied way to express it. Sounds of pure _hunger_ emanate from their throats and they do nothing to suppress such sounds, instead encouraging more with each bump, each caress.

Pretty soon, Jake’s hoisting Amy up in an attempt to pull her closer than she already is, and her legs wrap around his waist without a care about how increasingly dangerous they’re making this situation.

He proceeds to drop Amy down on his bed with a soft thud, and Amy makes no complaint about the comfort levels of its lumpy surface. She instead grabs onto Jake in a vice like grip to keep him there,  _there_ meaning  _firmly on top of her._

His lips no longer exclusively attach to her lips, and begin making their way down Amy’s jaw, dipping into her collarbone. He quickly acquaints himself with her neck; she has gorgeous,  _addictive_ skin he can’t get enough of, and he seems determined to leave his scent on every inch of her.

Amy’s in favor of this, and lets out a rich, wretched moan when Jake grinds his knuckles against her crotch. Her thick jeans prove to be a poor barrier because the way she responds to his touch makes it seem like she might as well not have worn them.

“ _Fuck, you’re so hot,_ ” he murmurs against her skin, and the proceeding mewl she makes has his hands overtaken by a dark desire. They paw at the buttons of her shirt because he wants  _more_. He wants to  _touch_  more, he wants to _see_  more, he wants to  _hear_  more–

Except he doesn’t, both because he’s not looking at the buttons he’s trying to undo, and also because the offending sound of a ringing telephone has them coming to their senses, and they break apart like they’ve just realized the other was poisonous, radioactive _._

Jake (with much difficulty) climbs off the bed and rushes to answer the phone—it’s the landline, and his mother’s asking about supper plans.

“Anything, I’ll eat anything,” he mumbles hastily, uncomfortably, because speaking to his mother after the heavy  _(that’s one way to put it)_  activities he’s just engaged in has him not wanting to talk to her at all.

He slams the phone back on the receiver after she hangs up and spins around—but the mood of the room’s completely changed, because common sense dictates that they do not _do_ what they almost did, and Amy and Jake both feel rather flustered for losing all common sense for those fleeting moments.

Amy looks up at him, eyes glazed, lips swollen, and sexy as all hell. As crazy as it feels to admit it, she’s never looked more tempting than this moment—with her ruffled _(by him)_ hair, crumpled  _(due to being tugged at, also by him)_ shirt, and red marks  _(made by him)_ on her skin.

He wants nothing more than to climb back on top of her, make Amy Santiago  _eat_ her words and admit that she’d totally, totally have sex on his bed.

But that’s not what he should be thinking at all—in fact, he should never have and never ever think about Amy in that manner! It’s sick, it’s wrong, and he feels horribly guilty.

“Uh, it’s getting late. I have to be home for dinner…” Amy’s all over the place, despite not having moved at all. She quickly grabs her bag and slings it over her shoulder, leaving without so much as a final glance at Jake.

He can’t blame her, because he starts to wallow in shame at what he did and wanted to do  _(and almost did)._

Jake feels like one of those jerks that he sees around all the time. He’s not exactly sure what he’s faulting himself for having in common with them, but the image of him dressed poorly, talking down to women, bragging about sexual conquests like women are games to be won comes to mind, and he doesn’t like it at all.

Amy shouldhatehim for practically jumping on her like he did, grinding against her like he did, touching her like he did-

Although to befair _,_  Amy seemed to really want him to do all that. In fact, he very clearly remembers her hands on his skin, digging under his shirt.

 _Crap, that had felt amazing._ He badly misses her already, wishes she was back here in his arms, cheeks flushed and lips inviting him in.

He wishes to drown in her. And it’s a strongdesire, a feeling that takes hold of him, something he senses won’t go away for a while—so he decides to take a very long, verycold shower.

It’s only when he steps into the bathroom that Jake realizes— _why is his belt already undone?_

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0743 HOURS, JAKE’S SEX DREAMS (AND NOW, HE’S: UNDER THE COVERS WITH AMY)**

Her hair fans out on his favorite pillow, messy curls his fingers cling onto for dear life as he thrusts, over and over. Her eyes are shut in pure bliss and a sheen of sweat covers her skin, glistening.

Nothing has ever felt this good, and Amy’s tight and wet around him, just so perfect, as if she were made for him, and he was made for her too, to fit in her just right.

Amy’s bare skin is beautiful, and as mentioned, it’s completely bare, and he feels every inch of it under him, over him, tightly pressed against him.

His tongue, ever so devious, takes a liking to licking sensitive surfaces of her body. It’s fascinating because various combinations and speeds can get her groaning, moaning, bucking up against him. He cheats with his lips and teeth, sucking on her and biting on her until her pretty, pretty skin is less so.

He gets her screaming, writhing, and begging while beneath his skin, and he obliges her, caters to her every whim, because her every whim largely involves him touching her in some shape or form and he can’t bring himself to say no to that.

_She’s so beautiful._

A thought that runs through his mind every few seconds, it feels so good to see her, making new faces, new sounds every few seconds, and he can’t stop himself from giving her everything he’s got since he wants more, more, and more.

She touches him too, and her touch weakens his resolve because he just wants to lay there and let her touch him anywhere she likes, and the only thing stopping him is how much he likes touching her.

She whispers the most filthy of commands into his ear, her breath hot against his skin, and it gets him all hot and bothered because the things she says has him feeling faint.

_She’s magical, she’s everything._

She’s riding him now, and his fingers grip her hips in a near possessive fashion, as she takes him hard, fast. He’s screaming now, and the world dissolves into nothingness around him as she takes him to heaven using the highway to hell.

When he’s spent, he keeps her going with his mouth and fingers, taking a sick pleasure in making her climax over and over again, in having her claw and scratch and grip at him, in her thighs squeezing his head as it lodges between them, licking her slow, so frustratingly slow.

She curses and swears at him, but also pleads for him to take her where she needs to go again, because she’s just as addicted to him as he is to her. She wants him, needs him, over and over again, and tells him as such, shows him as such.

She makes him want to stay in his bed forever, could make him hunger for nothing else.

He kisses his way up and down Amy’s body, whispering things to her that he himself can’t make out, can’t hear. It’s muffled against her skin, and said repeatedly, like a promise, a declaration.

But Amy appears to hear him, and a pure smile stretches across her face as he makes his way up to her face with kisses, hand clutching her face gently.

“I love you too,” she says, and then everything goes dark.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0753 HOURS, JAKE’S ALARM GOES OFF**

Jake wakes up with a start, and is so flustered and shocked he nearly leaps off his bed.

The entire night’s worth of dreams comes flooding in and he’s in complete shock at what his (dirty, dirty, disgusting) mind came up with while he was sleeping.

Making out and getting kinda carried away with Amy (all their clothes intact) is one thing, but having dreams where he does _unspeakable_ things to Amy while they’re both completely undressed is a whole other box of inappropriate things he won’t open right now.

What’s worse is how (as indicated by his tented boxers) affected he is by his very detailed, very vivid, very long _(seriously, it feels like that’s the only thing he’s been dreaming about all night)_  sex dream. And what’s even worse than that?

_Is the 'I love you’ stuff._

Sex dreams are one thing. He can  _(although he likely won’t)_ forgive himself for that, because hey, he did hardcore make out with Amy mere hours before sleeping in avery heated manner, and hey, Amy’s super hot and him being sexually attracted to her is nothing out of the ordinary.

But sex dreams where he (allegedly) tells Amy he loves her (repeatedly, against her skin), and her saying it back?

Both of them really happy and  _deeply in love?_

That’s just wrong, and crazy _,_  and also wrong.

He doesn’t love her, definitely, doesn’t so much as have a  _crush_ on Amy. They are enemies,  _most of the time_ , and when they don’t hate each other they merely  _tolerate_ each other (for Amy more than him, because annoying her is half the fun of being anywhere near her).

So yeah, no way is he allowed to have this dream ever again because it’s plain ridiculous, and no way will he and Amy ever be in the same positions as  _Sex Dream Jake_  and  _Sex Dream Amy._

This self-promise doesn’t stop him from being super jittery on the way to school however, apprehensive as ever at having to face Amy first thing in the morning, mere hours after their… encounter.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0802 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S HOMEROOM**

Jake plops down beside Amy, entering so quietly she doesn’t even notice. She seems to be just as buried in thought as Jake is, although she likely did not have a pervy sex dream about him.

“Uh, you left your script at my—yeah.” Jake slides the script carefully on Amy’s desk, and the tension between them is palpable yet both of them refuse to address this in any way, shape, or form.

“Oh, thanks,” she says rigidly, quickly snatching the script and fitting it in her bag. She swipes it away so fast, it’s almost as if having her script out on her desk would’ve been indicative of their secret arrangement.

They don’t say a word to each other any longer before the bell goes off, though Jake does try to think of things he wants to say to her. He’s almost too late.

“Hey!” He calls, stilted as the bell rings, Amy amongst many other students scrambling to leave homeroom for first period.

She spins around. “Yeah?”

“We’re… we’re okay, right?” He asks, fingers running through his hair.

“Uh, yeah! We’re fine. So totally cool chill  _awesome_.” She smiles, in a disconcerting manner, before rushing out of the classroom.

She doesn’t seem fine, but Jake accepts it for now, because he needs more time to recover too before he can truly look Amy in the eye again.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1756 HOURS, SEQUESTERED AREA BACKSTAGE**

Things are definitely notfine.

Jake walks off stage after rehearsing the kiss for the very first time with Amy in the presence of Director Holt, and despite their very thorough rehearsal yesterday, their kiss is disastrous.

It’s even worsethan the one they did in front of the club, because they’reten timesmore awkward and distant, and if Holt had allowed anyone from the club to be present for this segment of the rehearsal, they would’velaughed at Jake and Amy.

Holt told them it was fine, but obviously the man lies, because his face paints a portrait of disappointment.

It unsettles Jake, because clearly him and Amy are not fine _,_  and they need to settle this so they stop disappointing Holt _(not that he cares, of course)_ and also the club’s efforts in the play will be for naught if they don’t nail this.

“Hey,” he grabs Amy’s shoulder as she passes by, almost making her jump. “We have to talk.”

She takes a deep breath in resignation. “I guess we do. Jake, about yesterday-”

“Okay you know what? Yesterday wasn’t our fault.”

The incredulity stark on Amy’s face burns Jake’s cheeks.

“Jake, are you kidding me? We almost had-”

He swiftly clamps a hand over her mouth to prevent her from saying what he’s very sure she was about to say.

“ _YEAH AMY, CAN’T BELIEVE WE ALMOST HAD PIE YESTERDAY.”_ He lets her go, and she still looks confused, because that was a horrible way to cover up. “It was- we were in  _character,_  and it’s not our fault Johnny and Dora wanted to boink. We were  _victims_!”

“Yes,” Amy runs with this, because anything to make this  _not_ about them. “Not our faults.”

“And,” he goes on. “It’s not our fault we have good chemistry. Heck, if we did porn it’d  _probably_  be  _really good_ porn!”

“ _Mhmm!_ ” Amy hums uncomfortably, because she wants to agree, but she has no idea where he’s going with this.

“Point is, it’s not our fault we’re two super good actors who were acting on the  _instincts_ of our characters in a really well-written play.”

“Yeah.”

“And obviously, as _ri-donk_  as our chemistry is, we’re not showing it on stage because we keep feeling super weird about it. So we gots to keep practicing.”

Amy rubs her arm nervously. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Jake.”

“No, wait,  _hear me out._  We take precautionsthis time. Like—no going into my room.”

Amy nods. “Good point.”

“And like, no more homework.”

“No, I disagree. We should do _more_ homework.”

“Okay-” Jake inhales sharply. “We’ll… work out the details later. So we cool?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “We’re cool.”


	3. and here i am, there you go again (again)

**JAKE’S COUCH, 1504 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S SECRET KISSING PRACTICE SESSION (2)**

“Okay, so I’velocked my room to make sure we don’t go in there,” Jake declares, with an air of pride that makes it seem like he just did something world-changing, ground-breaking, _kick-you-in-the-crotch fantastic_ , when all he did was turn a key.

“Is there really a need for that?” Amy asks as she settles down on the couch with a noticeably larger bag of homework. “We’ve already agreed on not going inside, it’ll be fine.”

Jake tuts at Amy disapprovingly. “Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy. Don’t you know that if you tempt temptation, temptation will tempt  _you?_ ”

“What-” Amy scoffs, because Jake is the most ridiculous person in the whole wide _world_. “That makes no sense!”

“Neither domost fancy quotes! Anyway, locking the door to my room is the first precaution we’re taking,  _case closed,_  Jake _also_  closed.”

Amy wants to debate the logic behind his words, but chooses to inhale asdeeplyas she possibly can instead, because arguing with Jake is like bringing a _toy_ knife to a gunfight– something one shouldn’t even beginto consider doing.

“Okay, Jake. Thank you for  _locking_  your door. As for me, I brought more home-”

“ _Boooooooooo!_ ” Jake jeers, proceeding to stick his tongue out and point his thumbs down.

She rolls her eyes. “Okay, asshole. How’s  _locking the door_ so much better than bringing more homework? Doing homework can help distract us from…  _whatever happened last time.”_

Jake rolls out a dry chuckle, getting Amy to look up at him. “Seriously, you almostyelled it during rehearsal yesterday, but now that we’re alone and there’s literally no consequences if we say it out loud, you call it ‘whatever happened last time’?”

Amy coughs, choking on her pulsating awkwardness. “Yes, because I wasn’t thinkingstraight yesterday. I’m fine now, so I’m not saying it.”

“What’s wrong? If you’re ‘fine’, then why won’t you say what we  _almost did?”_ An impossibly wide smile spreads across Jake’s face, and it’s like he gets a kick out of teasing Amy. Oh wait—hedoes get a kick, a huge kick at that _,_ out of teasing Amy. Never mind.

Amy’s face is red now, and it’s completely Jake’s fault, but he refuses to move on and instead just enjoys the situation.

“So, I think that-”

“Amy, you’re avoiding the question! Do you not know what we 'almost did’? Do I have to-”

“Oh for god’s sake we had  _sex_ , okay?! Wait, crap! No, we  _almost_  had sex, we didn’t actually have sex, we just kissedand it got… heavy.”

Jake exhales, almost impressed by what just happened. But mostly, he has no idea how to respond to that. Amy’s flustered, very very flustered, as is Jake, and he feels bad for being a jerk.

“Okay, I took it too far, I’m sorry. I’m going to pretend that never happened. So… about the extra homework you brought?”

Amy jumps at the chance to change the subject. “Yes! I brought more homework because no matter what I’ll always prioritize homework over kiss-”

“Yeah, but you and I both know that homework’s only able to distract  _you_.”

“True, but isn’t that enough?”

Jake shrugs. “Maybe, but—in case that doesn’t work because you can’t resist me–” he reaches somewhere behind him on the couch, pulling out a DVD–“I have Die Hard! If things get too hot n’ heavy, we’ll just pop in the best cop movie ever and get too distracted by its awesomeness to even remember that we  _exist._ ”

Amy huffs indignantly, because he’s gotto be joking. “Okay, firstly—what makes you think that I’m the one who won’t be able to resist you and not the otherway around?”

Jake stops her immediately. “Amy, if you’re about to try and seduce me because you have a crazy need to prove yourself all the time—please don’t. I’m an eighteen year old boy who likes girls. You’re a girl, and as much as I’d hate to say this a super hot one, okay?  _Un_ seducing me is the real challenge here.”

Amy finds her lungs stiff and frozen, and she’s so strangely affected by Jake’s… compliment _._  He’s all grins and light jabs, his casual tone making his words seem like nothing, but they don’t feel like nothing.

A memory from their first encounter at Jake’s house strikes the forefront of Amy’s mind, allowing her to realize just why she’s so affected by Jake’s words-

...it’s because he’s said them before.

_“Fuck, you’re so hot…”_

_She remembers it now, his warm breath against her skin, his fingers usually clumsy but ridiculously skillful when pressed against her. Burning desire burgeoning everywhere he touched her, licked her, bit her… His words started a wildfire in her; she had never felt that wanted… that needed…_

To think the same person who rendered her saneness mutethen is the very same _Pain In Her Ass_ that happily teases her at every given moment  _now._

Except Jake’s not smiling anymore because she’s been silent for too long. He now looks apologetic, like he’s taken things too far again, and Amy doesn’t want him thinking he’s done something wrong so she pulls herself together and speaks.

“Fine. Secondly—I know you’re super obsessed with Die Hard, but it is  _so_ not the best cop movie.”

And thus begins the biggest showdown of all showdowns to ever happen in Jake Peralta’s home. They argue for  _minutes_ , with  _passion_  and  _fury,_  over something thatdoes notmatter in the  _slightest._

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S COUCH, 1516 HOURS, ARGUING OVER DIE HARD AND WHETHER ITS REALLY THE BEST COP MOVIE**

“You know what?” Jake spits, voice haughty and petty. “I’m willing to go so far as to say that Die Hard isn’t _just_ the best cop movie of all time, it’s also the best  _Christmas_  movie of all time!”

Amy gasps, long and sharp, her eyes stretching wide open. “Don’t you dare!”

“Yeah!” He looks up at the ceiling, pointing angrily at the faceless behemoth beyond it. “You heard me _It’s A Wonderful Life!_ Die Hard is the best Christmas movie _of all time!”_

Amy grabs Jake’s outstretched arm, placing it back down at his side in protest. He has surprisingly firm biceps, but Amy tries not to think about it. She has to prove that Die Hard  _sucks._

But also, why would Jake wear so much plaid and cover up his arms all the time if they were, y'know, arms Amy probably won’t mind seeing bare instead of clothed?

“Y-You, can’t just say Die Hard’s the best movie of all time! Where’s your proof? What’s your argument _supporting_ that Die Hard’s the best cop movie at all?”

“What’s not to love about it? Dope one-liners, badassery, John McClane _single-handedly_ saving the day? The best villain of all time?”

“It’s unrealistic—the fights he gets into during the movie and the following sequels should’ve killedhim several times over. Also, single-handedly saving the day isn’t what being a cop is about!”

“Yes it is!”

They go on for ages, at length, and words are traded back and forth with an intensity that would bring a stenographer to tears.

The only problem for Jake is—Amy seems to be  _winning._

It’s not because she’s right about Die Hard  _not_  being the best cop movie (and Christmas movie) of all time, and it’s not like Jake believes for a second that Die Hard isn’t the greatest film to ever grace movie theaters across the globe.

She’s just so systematic and organized and logical in her arguments, whilst Jake is emotion and loyalty and unconditional love (for Die Hard). It makes him more easily worked up, whilst Amy stays much calmer in comparison.

He knows, that if she keeps this up, he’s going to find himself tongue-tied eventually during the argument, and as per all argument rules, not being able to say anything means that you can’t find anything to refute your opponent’s point, meaning that they have  _won._

And no way in hell is Jake losing a fight over Die Hard being the best cop movie ever.

_The moment where Jake has nothing to say comes sooner rather than later._

“-plus, Die Hard is really weird about feet! What’s with all the making fists with toes, and glass getting stuck in feet, and just all the foot stuff in general? Why was he barefoot so much?”

“I uh- he- no!  _Just-”_

Amy’s lips turn up in a beam that lights up her face, and it sets off sirens in Jake’s head.

_No, this can’t be it, he can’t lose this argument- he has to find a way…_

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S COUCH, 1549 HOURS, HE FINDS A WAY**

Just as Amy’s about to triumphantly rub her supposed victory in his face, Jake slams forth with a silencing kiss to Amy’s lips.

The momentum has Amy getting pushed down by Jake on the couch, the decade-old leather pressing against her back as she completely loses herself.

She’s taken by surprise (honestly, even Jake feels surprised by his own actions), but this surprise takes a little while to register.

Before that, Amy melts against Jake, his lips a comforting and addictive drug she willingly indulges in. They’re making out on Jake’s couch like two horny teenagers—oh wait. They  _are_ two horny teenagers.

Two horny teenagers— _that said they weren’t going to do something like this again!_

Upon this realization, Amy pushes Jake off of her and proceeds to shove him hard, her strength causing him to sit back up, before falling against the other side of the couch himself.

“Jake!” Her voice is pitched and strangled, disbelieving of what Jake’s done (and what she’s given into). Jake, on the other hand, just props himself back up and smirks at her.

“What?” He asks, innocuously, innocently, but it’s all obviously a facade.

“Why’d you kiss me?”

Jake takes her hand in his, and gives her a look that numbs her all over. “Would you believe me… if I said it was because I’m deeply in love with you?”

Amy almost considers this for a second, but a deeper look in his eyes reveals that he’s just messing around, of course. She pushes his hand away in annoyance.

“Cut it out,” she rolls her eyes, and Jake’s chuckling.

“I couldn’t let you win an argument about Die-”

“ _That’s_  why you kissed me?!” Amy exclaims, and that’s when it dawns on her that of course that’s why Jake kissed her, the fact that she didn’t draw that connection immediately speaks volumes of how lost she was in his lips.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S COUCH, 1558 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S KISSING PRACTICE SESSION (2.5)**

Amy spends at least five minutes lecturing Jake on why kissing her to shut her up was wrong, and how stuff like that was what they have been trying to prevent _,_  trying to avoidduring their kissing practices.

“-yeah, don’t worry about me pulling something like that anytime soon,” Jake remarks with an almost tired stretch. “Getting nagged at is a _real_  mood killer.”

His words strangely hurt Amy, and she’s stunned for a beat, like a boulder’s just dropped down on her chest, and a lump sits in her throat.

Except—shouldn’t his words make her happy instead of disappointed?

“Good,” she deflects, clearing her throat. “Ready to kiss like  _professionals_  now?”

“Yeah, lay it on me.”

She leans in slow and steady, their kiss much more tame than the crazy lip locking that went down previously. No one is making inappropriate sounds, no one is touching where they shouldn’t be touching, and it’s nice.

Of course, it probably shouldn’t feel  _nice_ , but Amy can’t help what pleasures she feels.

She hums a little as Jake’s lips leave her lips and trail to her jaw, failing to withhold a moan when he makes his way to her neck.

_Wait, what?_

Her eyes fly open, and she pushes Jake off of her once more.

“What the hell are you doing?!” She demands, and Jake wipes his mouth almost slyly, a move that gets her heart pounding again.

“Kissing you like a professional?” He attempts sheepishly, and Amy huffs.

“Your lips were on my  _neck_ , Jake.”

“ _You sure seemed to like it,_ ” he mumbles under his breath, eyes flicking away.

She smacks him on the shoulder.

“You said I had  _killed_  the mood, Jake! Our kissing is supposed to be lipsonlipsonly.”

“Fine!” He explodes. “I lied, okay? You lecturing me for five minutes was probably... the hottest moment of my life.”

“What?!” She’s almost happy, but really, she’s more bewildered than anything. “Wow, eighteen year old boys areeasily seduced.”

“Uh, I think it’s less of that and more of me having an authority kink-”

“WHAT?!” Her eyes are wide now, and panic mirrors in Jake’s eyes.

“WHAT? NOTHING!” He exhales harshly. “Not the right time _or_  person to be discussing my kinks.”

“JAKE, SERIOUSLY-”

“NO MORE YELLING IT’S CONFUSING ME  _SEXUALLY_!”

Amy completely gives up.

“You know what? Let’s… let’s just watch Die Hard.”

Jake lights up. “Really?  _Yes!”_

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S FRONT DOOR, 1844 HOURS, AMY LEAVING**

“Sorry you didn’t get to do your homework,” Jake apologizes with a look that is not apologetic in the slightest.

“It’s okay, I’m doing it when I get home,” she replies, checking her bag to make sure she’s left nothing behind.

“Good, glad I showed you that Die Hard’s more important than homework.”

She scowls at him. “Die Hard’s _not_  more important than homework—and I’m bringing  _Training Day_  over next time.”

Jake chuckles light-heartedly. “Fair enough.”

“You should do your homework too, Jake.”

He shakes his head. “Nah, that last time was a one time thing. I’m a bad boy at heart, Ames,” he winks.

She steps closer to him now, grabbing him by the neck and speaking into his ear. “Be a good boy—and go do your homework Jake, or I’ll  _punish_  you,” she commands, in her best 'authority’ voice, before pulling away.

The arousal on his face is very obvious, and it’s almost laughable. He really does have an authority kink.

“That’s like… so _fucking_ unfair,” he curses, his eyes never leaving Amy’s. She’s nearly mesmerized by the attention.

“I know,” she says, so confidently it nearly scares her, and to her own shock she winks at him.

He gulps, hands reaching for her but she backs away quickly.

“Amy,” he appeals. “Come here please.”

She shakes her head. “No.”

He walks back into her space. “I’ll be good,” he promises, stepping even closer. “I’ll do all my homework.”

He shuts his eyes and leans in, but Amy ducks and he winds up with a waft of her hair instead. Admittedly, that’s not so bad since her hair smells of cream and strawberries.

“Sorry Jake, but kisses are only for good boys who’ve already done their homework.”

She walks away into the night, feeling bizarre but strangely powerful, leaving Jake standing there in a daze as he watches her disappear behind a corner.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1323 HOURS, GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS**

“Alright everyone, please hand in your essays as I come around,” their teacher instructs during the first few minutes of the lesson.

Everyone gasps in shock when they see Jake reach for his bag, pulling out a complete essay.

Even their teacher is shocked.

“Jake,” Gina rasps, not believing what’s unfolding before her eyes. “You did the  _homework?”_

“This is gross,” Rosa remarks, crossing her arms. “I can’t watch.”

Jake rolls his eyes, avoiding Amy’s look of awe as they both submit their essays.

“I can’t believe you actually did the homework,” Amy murmurs, which gets Jake’s attention. His face, previously twisted in a scowl, now relaxes in a wistful gaze.

“Someone  _did_  say I’d get punished if I didn’t do it,” he gently reminds, which gets Amy blushing rather hard. She still can’t believe what she did, and she can’t believe it actually worked. “By the way, I expect a reward for all this.”

Amy raises her eyebrows skeptically. “A reward for doing something that’s  _originally_ your responsibility? I don’t think so.”

His breath catches, then he exhales almost longingly. “You’re killing me, Ames.”

She ignores him, in favor of starting on an assignment they’ve just been given. In his frustration, Jake starts doing the work too.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 1501 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S SECRET KISSING PRACTICE SESSION (3)**

“Wow, no homework today?” Jake remarks as he opens the door for Amy, who walks past him empty handed and heads straight for his couch.

“Well, since I never ended up doing any of it last time, figured I’d save myself the trouble.”

“Aww, didn’t know my lips were so distracting,” he slurs. “No script too?”

Amy rolls her eyes as she leans her head back. “ _Please,_  don’t flatter yourself. And I don’t think we should read lines when we practice kissing anymore.”

“Right,” Jake agrees, remembering what happened the last time they decided to read lines. “Good precaution.”

“Ithink _,_ ” Amy continues. “We should focus on making this kiss more appropriate for a school play, remember? Ouroriginalplan?”

Jake rumbles with low laughter. “Oh yeah—making our kiss  _un_ sexy.”

“Mmhmm.”

“How do we go about doing that?”

Amy shrugs first. “Um, maybe-” she pauses. “We could kiss like we’d usually do, naturally, and then we work out what’s wrong with it.”

“Oh yeah, that’s  _great_ ,” he drags out the word, twisting its meaning, his tongue-in-cheek smile making his words seem a lie. Like he can’t  _wait_  for this next new plan to go wrong.

“Stop smiling,” she scolds, but he doesn’t listen.

“What? My face is always like this.”

He’s right, Amy supposes. More often than not, Jake Peralta’s smiling, displaying those classic grins and smirks of his.

“It’s annoying,” she insists, but Jake’s smile doesn’t falter. It’s as if he understands her tension, feels it but does not show it himself.

“Maybe you should kiss it off then,” he suggests, and Amy pulls him in roughly in response.

He doesn’t hold back at all, as if he’s trying to make as many 'mistakes’ as possible for them to correct in later kisses. Amy isn’t much better, adrenaline pumping through her veins as she takes what she wants from Jake.

They waste a lot of time on their trial kiss, and when Amy’s had enough (meaning her sense finally outweighs her desire), she pushes Jake away. His eyes never leave hers, and it makes Amy want to pull him back in again.

_God, she’s been single for too long._

“How was that?” Jake asks, and it cracks both of them up, because they both know that kiss was horrible (in the best way).

“Uh, I think we need to, firstly,” Amy pants, and it makes Jake titter in amusement.

“I think we need to, firstly, catch our breath,” he mimics, annoying Amy but simultaneously making her smile.

“I’m good,” she remarks after some time has passed. “I think we need to work on  _distance_.”

“And that means…”

“We’re too close to each other when we kiss. And that’s a problem we should work on.”

“Okay,” Jake nods. “So what’s too close?” He pulls her in, placing her two inches from him in a comical manner. “This?”

“Yes,” she heaves, before pushing him away.

“Okay,” Jake gets off the couch and moves ten feet away from Amy. “ _This far enough?”_

“Unless we have elastic lips, that’s too far— _come back!_ ”

Jake laughs to himself about 'elastic lips’, rushing back only when Amy gestures for him to hurry. “Man, you’re clingy.”

“Can it,” she warns, and it doesn’t affect Jake in the slightest.

“Okay,” he positions himself a comfortable distance away from Amy on the couch, holding her a forearm’s length away. “This good?”

“Yes,” she validates.

“So can we kiss again?”

They lean in, and although it’s less violent and messy this time, it still feels too…

“Too sexy?” Jake checks as he pulls away this time. “Or just right?”

“Too… _inappropriate_.”

“Okay, so what’s wrong this time?”

Amy shrugs. “Maybe you should try not touching me,” Jake frowns at this, “and let’s limit the kiss to about five seconds this time. I think time’s a contributing factor too.”

“Cool,” Jake accepts, not very coolly, and leans forth (not touching this time) again. He raises his hand up high, obediently counting down the five seconds of the kiss.

“God, I  _hate_ that,” he grimaces as he pulls away, and Amy’s inclined to agree, but he crashes back into her before she can so much as form a thought.

He holds her now, in ways he knows he shouldn’t. They kiss, in ways they know they shouldn’t. The kiss goes on, and it goes on, and their little  _five-second-rule_ flies out the window.

They lose themselves again, for a little while, and when they pull apart Jake’s face is no longer tight with scowl. He’s practically  _glowing_ now.

“That’ll get the crowd cheering,” he points out cheekily, while Amy breathes deeply.

“And parents  _suing_ , Jake.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S COUCH, 1617 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S SECRET KISSING PRACTICE SESSION (3.5)**

Several kisses later, Jake and Amy identify a key problem in their kissing.

“Oh god,” Amy realizes, getting Jake raising his brows in interest. “We’ve been using too much tongue.”

He cracks up, starts cackling immediately, as Amy continues on with her revelations.

“We shouldn’t have been usingtongueat all!”

“And who’s fault is that?” Jake simpers smugly. “All I’ve been doing is letting you in like a gentleman every time you push your naughty little tongue between my lips.”

Amy’s face burns from embarrassment, but she can’t let him do her in like this.

“Jake, come on.”

He’s just as at fault for this as she is, and he knows it, cracking under her pressurizing looks.

“Fine! It’s both of us. But  _tongue is fun!”_

Amy sighs patronizingly. “I know, Jake, but this isn’t _about_  fun.”

“Oh, it isn’t?” He teases, and Amy exhales soundlessly.

“Come on, let’s try it without tongue.”

Jake goes along with this, but turns out he’s perfectly capable of making a kiss sexy, dirty, sinful, and even offensive without tongue all the same. A whine escapes her throat as he pulls and sucks, her lip between his teeth. He’s touching her again, and every little action only makes things worse and worse.

They pull apart and Jake looks almost proud of himself. “Did I do good?”

“No,” Amy clenches her teeth as he licks his lips tantalizingly. “That was very bad.”

“Okay, fine,” Jake relents, pulling Amy in at a respectable distance, kissing her gently and only ever moving slightly, before pulling apart again. “That good?”

Amy clears her throat. “Be-better…”

“So… I think it’s safe to say we’ve made  _progress_ ,” he remarks, and Amy nods. “And that means we’ve done a good job today, right?”

“I suppose,” Amy trails, and that gets Jake humming in satisfaction.

She’s shocked at his next move—which, put simply, ends with her on his  _lap._

“Jake,” her voice tightens, “what are you doing?”

“All work and no play makes Jake a dull boy,” he explains, whispering into her ear. It makes her shiver, which she supposes is his intended reaction. “Play with me, Ames.”

She has little idea what he means, but that doesn’t stop a chill from tingling her spine, a tingle that refuses to die down as it spreads throughout her.

“Jake,” her breath rasps as he touches her again, his lips doing things to her neck that she can’t describe because her eyes shut from the sensations. “Wha—why?”

“’Cuz of yesterday,” he answers, and Amy flushes from the memory, the memory of her pulling him in, denying him of what he asked. “You ran away.”

“I didn’t run,” she argues. “Power walking is not running.”

He dips her back down on the couch now, and her breath hitches.

“Felt like you were running away from me,” he insists, “no more running now.”

“Why not?” She asks, almost feeling stupid because she feels her resolve drain away with each passing second.

“I wanted you, and I still want you now,” he says plainly, “let me have you? Just for a little while?”

He then slows down. “You can stop me, you know. Just say the word and I’ll back off.”

But she stays silent, even dragging her fingers up and down his side. It makes him smile, and she feels his lips curling against her skin.

He indulges in her kiss again, but then Amy feels something missing that she wants.

A second later, she’s flipped their positions and he regards her cheekily as she straddles his hips.

“Just to be clear,” she clarifies. “It’s not you having  _me_ , it’s me having _you._ ”

His eyes glaze over with something dark at that, and she relishes in the fact that it’s because of her.

“ _I’m all yours,_ ” he says, and Amy dives in.

They get very caught up in kissing (yes, that’s the unspoken rule between them, it must only be  _just kissing)_ , so caught up, that neither of them notice the sound of a key turning, unlocking Jake’s front door.

For once,  _Karen’s_ back home early.

“Jake?” She calls as she enters the room, getting shocked at the scene she walks in on.

Her son, is lying on their couch with his leg thrown over the waist of a girl on top of him. They are engaged in a very heavy make-out session, and neither of them see her as their eyes are shut.

She shrieks, which alerts Jake and Amy of her presence and they split apart instantly, looking like they’ve just been issued death sentences.

“Oh god,” Jake panics, and gets off the couch, rushing to his mother’s side. “Mom, I can explain.”

Amy, on the other hand,stiffens _,_  unsure of whether to flee or stay put and face the music. What if Jake’s mother, who shefondly remembers praising her acting over the years after school performances, calls her parents and she gets into trouble? What if she no longer thinks highly of her, the demon who was just making out with her son on their couch?

Karen’s reaction takes a turn that neither of the two expect.

“Oh Jake,” she embraces her son tightly. “You  _finally_  asked out that girl Amy you’ve been crushing on forever!”


	4. a traitor, i'd trade her in a second

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 1624 HOURS, GETTING THROWN UNDER A BURNING BUS BY HIS OWN MOTHER**

“What? Mom, I didn’t ask Amy out!”

Karen appears to understand, nodding conspiratorially. “Ahh, you’re doing the  _playing hard to get_  thing, I see.”

She winks, something which Jake does not appreciate, and his entire face burns as he takes a deep, deep sigh.

“That’s not what’s going onat all. Amy’s my enemy,” he considers spelling it out, but he thinks that would be pushing it. “She’s supposed to be the worst!”

“You kiss your  _enemy_  with that mouth?” Karen teases, and it’s very obvious where Jake gets his playful nature from.

Jake covers his forehead with his palm, turning around only when he hears Amy snickering to herself.

 _Really?_ He mouths, and she shrugs in response. At least  _someone_  is enjoying this painfully awkward situation.

“What do you mean she’s your enemy?” Karen continues, genuinely confused, as though she has no idea about Jake and Amy’s decade-long rivalry. “You talk about her  _all the time_.”

Jake stiffens, refusing to turn around because Amy must look incredibly smug right now.

“Yeah, but only to  _complain_.”

“Wasn’t your last ‘complaint’ about how annoying her pretty face is?”

“NO IT WASN’T MOM! I’VE NEVER THOUGHT AMY WAS PRETTY IN MY  _LIFE!”_

If Amy could see Jake’s face now, she would know that his cheeks blush a bright crimson. Yes, that’s right.  _Crimson_.

“Now Jake, that’s a  _very_  mean thing to say about your girlfriend,” Karen chides, disappointed in her useless lying son. “Our guest  _Amy_  must be so upset-” she turns around, and realizes she’s wrong, “oh wait—she’s smiling, never mind.”

“That’s because she’s not my girlfriend! She’s my enemy and you’re giving her way too much ammo!”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1332 HOURS, GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS**

Karen does indeed give Amy way too much ammo. She relishes in the information she can now hold over Jake’s head; having the upper hand over him feels better than most things in life.

They’re taking down notes as their teacher drones on and on about something Amy already knows inside out because she’s already studied the material on her own. She still listens though, just in case she’s missed out on something important.

Her focus snaps when she hears Jake curse beside her. Her eyes desert their ineloquent teacher and trail to her right—Jake’s  _desperately_  trying to write with a pen that has clearly run out of ink.

He quickly gives up, smacking the pen back down on the desk. He turns to her.

“You got an extra pen?” He asks, and Amy’s already expertly picking up a pen full of ink out from her pencil case. Right before she hands it to him, inspiration strikes her head and she has to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

“Wow, that must’ve beensohard for you,” she says, which confuses Jake.

He stops taking notes, which is unsurprising. The surprise, she supposes, is that he’s taking notes at all in the first place.

“Asking the girl you have a huge crush on if she  _‘has an extra pen’?_  You must’ve been sonervous.”

Jake grimaces in understanding now, unsure whether to laugh or cry.

“Right.Because of what my mom said.  _Very funny_ , Ames.”

“What’s 'very funny’ is how you’re taking notes in class,” she gasps, as if suddenly hit with realization. “Is this your way of trying to _impress_  me?”

“Okay, I’m never taking notes again,” Jake declares. “This is horrible.”

“What’s horrible? Your intense feelings of infatuation for me? Understood.”

He places her pen back on her desk, refusing to look at her. He’s annoyed, probably, she thinks, and it’s an incredible feeling—being able to tease him into infuriation. His face is currently incredibly priceless, and Amy understands for a moment why he’s enjoyed teasing her so much over the years. If her face had scrunched up like his is right now, she can  _completely_ relate to the feeling.

Of course, Amy knows that Jake doesn’t  _actually_  like her like that. Obviously, Karen mistook Jake’s hatred for her to be feelings of adoration. Typical  _boy-pushes-girl-down-on-the-playground-so-obviously-he-likes-her_  crap. Except Jake’s never pushed her down on the playground because they would never be caught  _dead_ spending time at the playground together.

Anyway, Amy finds that teasing Jake about his non-existent feelings for her to be incredibly fun. It gives her a rush, like payback for all the times he’s teased her about the smallest things over the years.

She has a lot of this fun over the next few days.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0815 HOURS, LEAVING FOR FIRST PERIOD**

“Oh crap, I’m sorry,” Jake apologizes, which comes at the heels of him bumping into Amy after they’ve gotten their books from their lockers.

This collision, causes Amy to drop all her things as she barely catches herself, almost tripping over due to Jake bumping into her.

He’s helping to pick her stuff up now, and she just stands there, not even mad, as she sees only another opportunity to tease him.

“ _Really_ , Jake?” She exaggerates these words of exasperation, and Jake doesn’t sense that she’s not actually mad, sincerely apologizing.

“My bad, wasn’t looking where I was going,” he says, handing her books back with a sheepish smile that almost melts her heart enough to not go through with her next words.

_Almost._

“ _Bumping into me_  so you can help pick up my stuff and get my attention? That’s low, Jake,  _even for you_.” To soften the blow _(especially that of her stealing one of his commonly used insults for teasing her),_ she offers him a grin, and laughs as his entire face tightens in frustration.

“I’m never living this one down, huh?”

“Nope,” she chortles, and proceeds to sashay off to class, a skip in her step from pure delight.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1747 HOURS, SOMEWHERE BACKSTAGE**

“Thank you, Director Holt,” Amy does a tiny bow, even though she’s obstructed from his view.

She’s just been told to go rehearse lines from Act 2, Scene 3 with Jake. Holt wants to see that scene later but he’s currently working with the ensemble.

“Did you just bow?” Jake snickers which gets Amy blushing. Not one of her finest moments.

“Shut up, we have to rehearse,” she chides, brushing any possible attempts of his to tease her off, grabbing him by the hand and leading him somewhere quiet to read lines.

“Wait, rehearse what?” He asks, and it’s apparent that Amy was the only one who got Holt’s instruction.

“Act 2 Scene 3. Did you not hear?”

His look of confusion plants another scheme in her mind, presents itself as yet another opportunity.

“Oh… Jake, were you too distracted by _my pretty face_ to hear him?”

He lets go of her hand immediately.  _Why they held hands for as long as they did is anyone’s guess._

“Really Amy?  _Here?”_

“Ooh, you look mad. Is it because you’re _upset_  that we’re not rehearsing our kiss scene today?”

Jake huffs, and it’s everything Amy can do not to burst out laughing.

Nearby, they hear the sound of someone slumping to the ground.

“See, Amy? You made Charles faint!”

They rush over, and it’s clear that Charles hasn’t  _actually_ fainted, but boy is he overwhelmed.

“I can’t… the flirting…” he mumbles, and Rosa walks over to check if he’s running a fever.

“He’ll live,” she remarks, but then proceeds to regard Jake and Amy with an expression that most closely resembles a scowl. “What the hell is going on with you two?”

“Amy’s being a complete and total  _asshole_ ,” Jake crosses his arms, only to get hit in the shoulder for his trouble, and he rubs the spot where Amy punches him. Granted, she doesn’t actually hurt him, but he likes to ham up his pain so she feels bad, which he knows she doesn’t, but it’s worth a try.

“I’m not,” Amy clarifies.

“You sure? Because the way it’s been looking over the past few days, sounds like Jake confessed to you and you’ve been making fun of him for it,” Rosa snorts. “Yeah, we can  _hear_ you two during class.”

Charles sighs drearily, which goes ignored.

“I did not  _confess_ anything to Amy,” Jake explains, for the sake of his dignity, who’s not looking too great at the moment, hasn’t looked too great for the past couple days, actually.

“Then why’re you two being weird?”

“Jake’s mom thinks he has a crush on me.”

Jake sighs very, very heavy and long. Why did his usually loving and  _not_  back-stabbing mother have to do that to him? Wasn’t she supposed to _love_ and  _nurture_ , instead of  _betray_  and  _embarrass_?

“And how would you know that?” Rosa asks skeptically, and for a moment Jake and Amy nearly panic because their delicate cover and  _top-secret_ arrangements might just get blown.

“Uhhhhhhhhhh… I ran into Jake and his mom at the mall?”

It’s not the  _perfect_  cover, but they make do.

“You went to the mall with your mom?”

Charles metaphorically leaps to Jake’s defense, because he’s still literally lying flat on the floor, unpainted props surrounding him.

“Hey, going to the mall with your mom is fun! I do that all the-”

“Not really helping, but thank you Charles,” Jake interjects, clearing his throat. “I was helping my mom with grocery shopping, because I’m a  _good_ son.”

“Okay, and what were you doing at the mall, Santiago? Seems like the last place you’d step into.”

“I was… shopping for pens. Stationery shopping.”

They are believed, but it is a close call.

Doesn’t stop Amy from teasing Jake, however.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1355 HOURS, GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS**

“Okay, you’re just gonna make fun of me again but–” Jake speaks up, during their last period of the day which happens to be the class that they share.

“What is it?” Amy replies, turning to look at him. She’s finished the class assignment ten minutes ago, and like Jake, she’s only waiting for the bell to ring.

“We should meet up, again,today,” he stammers, cracking his knuckles almost nervously. “Y'know, as you pointed out, we didn’t get to rehearse the kiss yesterday, so it’s good to keep working at it.”

“Okay,” Amy agrees, not a hint of playful provocation in her voice. This relieves Jake, who exhales loudly. “It’s a good plan.”

“Thank you for being mature about this.”

It’s almost _ironic,_  the way their roles are now so reversed. Never in Amy’s life would she have imagined Jake being glad about her being  _mature_ over something.

Her response, is of course, to be completely _immature_  (it had been her plan to pretend she wasn’t going to tease him and then tease him anyway).

“Bet you can’t  _wait_ to kiss me though,” she says, throwing a wink in for good measure.

Jake groans. “ _There it is.”_

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S DOOR, 1457 HOURS, MAKING OUT AGAINST THE FRONT DOOR AS IT SHUTS**

Amy doesn’t so much as get a word out before Jake has her against the door, almost using her to close the door the way he pushes her against it,  _slams_  her against it, in his frantic need to have her.

She respondsimmediately _,_  hands grabbing him in kind, enjoying him in kind. The way he kisses her is desperate and harsh, like it’s all he’s ever wanted to do for a lifetime. He feels as if he doesn’t need air, doesn’t  _want_ air, only the feel of her lips against his.

And she feels it all—she feels his desire and passion, it courses through her veins too. He’s a drowning man, and her kiss is a lifeline. At the same time, it feels like this kiss is one he’s been holding back for ages, and the dam of his self-control’s just been smashed wide open. He kisses her fervently as if he’ll  _die_ if he stops.

Amy getsvery caught up in this kiss, but the kiss goes on, for an  _inordinately_ long time, and pretty soon Amy’s sure that they’ve been kissing for about five minutes.

Five minutes, with only (very, very, very brief) intermissions for air. Amy’s sure that if they don’t stop soon, they’ll die, and if she keeps letting lust cloud her judgement they might end up doing something they’ll likely regret (sex, she means sex).

Plus, even though she responded as enthusiastically as she did, Amy still figures she’s owed an explanation as to whyJake felt the need to kiss her so early into their meeting. Sure, they’re meeting with the  _explicit_  intention of kissing, but that’s kissing for  _business._

What they were doing, and are  _(as evidenced by Jake’s lips against hers)_  still doing, is definitely kissing for pleasure, and  _only_  pleasure.

She finally digs up some form of self control and pushes Jake away. They’re panting now, and Jake’s eyes are still fixated on her.

“What was that?” She asks, her lips feeling incredibly warm, if not impossibly hot.

“Sorry,” he says, actually meaning it. “Probably should’ve asked you first.”

“No, not that,” she deflects, because consent,  _while important,_  isn’t what’s on her mind at the moment. “I don’t care about that right now—why did you kiss me?”

“Oh,” Jake realizes. “That.”

“You don’t,” her mind jumps to wild conclusions. Surely, this could not  _actually_ mean something, could it? “You don’t actually  _like_ me, do you?”

“What?” Jake flusters, his tongue twisting in disbelief. “No! I don’t like you.”

“Okay,” Amy inhales sharply, his words a wretched blow somehow.

“Just–” he continues, “all the teasing, it’s. Well,  _public humiliation_  just happens to be a  _serious_ turn on for-”

“OKAY STOP.” Amy places her hands over her ears, not wanting to hear more. She can’t believe the long lists Jake’s kinks could fill.

“I’ll promise not to make fun of you for liking me anymore, okay?”

“Sure,” Jake shrugs. “Not sure what you’re getting out of this, but-”

“I’m  _trying_ not to enable your kinks, Jake.”

He laughs, genuine and carefree, his fingers grazing her cheeks affectionately. “You’re adorable, you know that?”

Whether she knows that or not, him calling her adorable makes her cheeks flush. “So… I’m adorable, but I’m not pretty?”

He smirks at that, somehow happy even though she’s technically teasing him again, something she’s promised not to do. “Yes. You’re adorable, you’re cute, you’re _crazy_ hot, you’re gorgeous, you’re stunning—but you’re not pretty.”

“I think I’m okay with that,” she gulps, because he’s standing really close to her again, and she can feel heat rising like hot steam through her with every word he says.

“Also your hair smells really good,” his fingers run through her hair, and Amy’s suddenly proud of her shampoo choices.

“Thank you,” she says, as if it’s a casual compliment, as if Jake’s lips aren’t _two inches_  from her face, as if his hands in her hair don’t feel  _ridiculously_ phenomenal.

“I know we’ve just kissed and all,” he continues, and Amy makes eye contact with him. “But can I kiss you again? For a little while more? I promise I’ll stick to  _un_ sexy kissing after this. I just like… need to get this all out of my system.”

Amy sighs. To be fair, he’s not the only one who needs to get things out of their system.

“Fine,” she straightens, as if kissing him is some sort of sacrifice on her part. “ _One_  kiss.”

“Three.”

She glares at him, even though a part of her gnaws at her to give in and take all the kisses he’s willing to offer.

“We’ve already been kissing for _five minutes_ , Jake!”

“FIVE MINUTES?” He exclaims, although why it comes at a shock to him at all is confusing. “It didn’t feel that long to me. Were you secretly timing us, Amy? Because that may or may not be arousing.”

She chooses to ignore most of that. “I did not _time_ us,” she explains. “Pretty hard to do that with my eyes shut.” Jake beams, something precious that she too ignores, “I just… may have a  _bit_  of an internal body clock, that’s all.”

“Internal body clock huh?”

“I mean—it comes in handy because I have a sense of how much time passes like, during exams and tests. And apparently, also kisses.”

“Sounds hot.”

She gives up. “You know what?  _Fine,_  you get two kisses.”

He chortles dryly. “How sweet of you.”

“Just, kiss me you horny loser.”

When he doesn’t, and proceeds tolaugh instead at her frustration, Amy pulls him in by his shirt and he laughs no more.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S DOOR, 1513 HOURS, CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE STILL HERE WHY HAVEN’T THEY MOVED ON YET IT’S GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW**

“Mm, okay I think we should stop now,” Amy murmurs against Jake’s lips, completely unconvincing.

“Oh, sure, just one more kiss,” he lies, and proceeds to plant a few messy kisses against her lips and cheeks. Accurate aim is not his goal here.

“Okay, okay, I think we’ve had enough.” She giggles, actually  _giggles_ , and holds Jake a safe distance away where his tempting lips can no longer reach her. He stays put, because he seems content being held by her like this.

“I think,” she continues, “we’re too distracted to get anything productive done today.”

“I disagree,” says Jake, in disagreement. “I think we’ve been  _very_ productive.”

“Come on, stop it. We should—we should do something else.”

Jake raises his brows suggestively. It makes her want to slap him, both in places one might expect her to and might  _not_  expect her to. “Like what?”

“Any chores you need to do?”

“Chores?” Jake nearly chokes on the word. “You want to  _clean_ my house? Won’t that make  _you_  horny?”

Amy exhales, because he does have a point there. “I mean, we could start with your room. It _is_  uninhabitable.”

“We’re not going near my room again,  _remember?_ ”

Of course Amy remembers, which is why she’s looking away from him now.

“Actually, I do have something I’m supposed to do today,” he quips, and Amy lifts her head in intrigue.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I have to help my mom do grocery shopping,” he shrugs. “Maybe you could help me with that?”

Amy lights up. “That sounds fun.”

“Cool, I’ll go grab the list from the fridge-”

“There’s a  _list??”_ Amy rasps, taking to her heels in pursuit of Jake. “Why didn’t you _lead_ with that, you idiot?”

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE 14, 1537 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S SECRET GROCERY SHOPPING TRIP TO HELP JAKE OUT WITH HIS FAMILIAL RESPONSIBILITIES AKA CHORES**

“Okay, next up on the list is a whole frozen chicken, so we should head to the frozen poultry section,” Amy instructs. They’re currently in the cereal aisle, where Jake’s thrown three boxes of Cap'n Crunch into their shopping cart. She tries not to judge, since Jake  _insists_  that he’s the primary male role model in his house, and more than just a cereal brand.

“You’re really into that list huh?” Jake observes, as he pushes the trolley by himself, almost  _jealous_  from the attention Amy gives the list rather than him.

She looks up, to his relief. “What can I say? Your mom makes good lists. A skill which you’ve _sadly_ not picked up.”

“Hey!” Jake protests, even though he doesn’t need to do that, really. “I make good lists too!”

Amy scoffs. “When have you made a list, ever? In your life?”

Jake shrugs. “Whatever, I could _so_ make a good list, okay? Anyway, you should loosen up. Grocery shopping is fun! We should take our time, instead of rushing through this. I mean—we have all day!”

“But don’t we have to get back to practice?”

“Eh, screw that. We can practice tomorrow.”

“We have  _rehearsal_ tomorrow,” she reminds.

“Fine, then the day after. Point is, we should chill.  _You_  should chill.”

Amy ponders this. “Okay. So how do we 'chill’ when it comes to grocery shopping?”

He’s excited about this. “For starters, you could get in this cart so I can push you down this cereal aisle really fast.”

“WHAT? Jake, that’s so dangerous!”

“It’s super fun, I’ve done it a million times!” She still looks uncertain. “Look, no one’s here, we’re not going to get into trouble, okay?”

“Fine-”

“Yes!”

At that, he proceeds to lift her up and places her in the shopping cart, which shocks her because she assumed she’d be climbing in on her own.

“ _Just trust me!_ ” He whispers, before he starts charging down the aisle at full speed. Amy barely has time to hang on for dear life, and nearly screams but—

_It ends up being really, really fun._

She nearly whoops when they reach the end of the aisle, and Jake is chuckling because she looks so unbelievably happy.

“That was so fun!” She gushes, holding onto Jake’s arm, and he places his hand over hers, fingers warm and solid. It feels nice but neither of them bring attention to it.

“Wanna do it again?” He offers, and it’s like her happiness alone is making this all worth it for him.

“Don’t you want a turn?”

He trills in amusement. “Nope, it’s all you now. I’ve done this for years, I’ve had my fun.”

“Okay, then I  _do_ wanna do it again,” she admits, and Jake immediately runs back up the cereal aisle, exhilarating and exciting her all over again.

_She never wants it to stop._

 

* * *

 

**TARGET FROZEN POULTRY SECTION, 1622 HOURS, CHOOSING CHICKEN**

“No, I think that chicken looks bigger-”

“But _that_ chicken has bigger wings!”

“Jake? Amy?”

Jake and Amy freeze, turning around at the sound of a familiar voice. Apprehension builds up in both of their guts.

“Heeeeeeyyyyy Terry,” Jake greets, stilted and awkward. Of all people, why did they-

Well, actually.  _Considering_  their circumstances, there are  _worse_  people they could’ve run into.

“What are you two doing here?”

“Oh!” Amy screeches, a little too loudly for anyone’s taste, “Jake was just grocery shopping, and I bumped into him and he asked me what chicken he should pick.”

Terry looks suspicious. “Okay.”

“Anyway, what are you doing here, Terry?” Jake asks, desperately hoping to change the subject.

“Grocery shopping too. I need a chicken.” He reaches between them, and appears to have already made his his decision. “This one has good breast meat.”

“Cool. There’s  _a lot_  of yogurt in your cart,” Jake observes, because any moment that’s silent can become awkward realfast, and he doesn’t want that.

“What can I say? Terry loves yogurt. Anyway, I have to get going, kids. It’s sweet to see you two together.”

“We’re not-”

“ _Together!_ This isn’t a date!”

Terry looks skeptical. “Never said it was.”

“Good! Because it’s not—we’re not-”

“ _Dating_.”

Terry turns around now. “Look, whatever’s going on between you two, don’t worry about it. Terry can keep a secret. Besides, Terry loves love. You two have a good time.”

“There’s nothing going on here!”

“We’re _not_  having a good time!”

 

* * *

 

**EN ROUTE TO JAKE’S HOUSE, 1644 HOURS, EATING ICE CREAM AND CARRYING GROCERIES**

“You were right, getting ice cream  _was_  a good idea,” Amy moans into her ice cream as they walk, side by side. The sun burns hot in the late afternoon sky, and they move as fast as their tired feet can carry them.

“Mmhmm,” Jake mutters in assent, sounding pained. “Did you  _really_ have to get vanilla though?”

“Why? What’s wrong with vanilla?”

“No reason, forget I said anything.” He glances at her face and smirks. “There is some on your chin, though.”

“What? _Where?_ ” Amy stops walking now, and her eyes widen as if she’s just been told that she’s dropped the entire cone down her shirt.

“I’ll get it for you,” he says, because Amy’s hands are full of her ice cream cone and groceries.

“But your hands are full too-”

Jake proceeds to lick the ice cream off Amy’s chin, and it nearly makes her yelp as he leans away cheekily, tasting the ice cream on his tongue.

“Jake!” She scolds. “That’s gross!”

But she goes pink anyway, something she hopes Jake doesn’t notice.

“That tasted  _good_ , actually,” he teases.

“That—that’s the ice cream. Yeah, vanilla’s a good flavor.”

“No, I meant you.  _You_  taste good.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1619 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM**

Jake leans back in the chair he sits on, fresh from rehearsing a scene that went perfectly. His ego’s been rubbed dry from praise by Director Holt, and he now sips on a bottle of orange soda. He has no more scenes for the rest of rehearsal, and he takes this time to unwind and chill until it’s time for him to go home.

Jake shifts about in his chair.  _Should he take a nap?_  After all, being such a  _great_ actor who’s done such a  _great_  job on stage during rehearsal, he more than deserves it.

Sadly, his very relaxed atmosphere is broken by a bloodcurdling scream.

Jake leaps to his feet, and is dashing out of that dressing room, thoughts of relaxing now far from his mind.

The reason for his haste? Hisfrightening amount of concern?

It’s because he  _knows_  who that scream belongs to.

_“Amy!”_


	5. did you scream enough to make her cry?

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1605 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
"Fantastic work today, Jake. Be sure to keep up this stellar performance and inform Jeffords about the script changes." Holt clears his throat. "Alright. Let's move on to Act 1 Scene 5 in a few minutes. I'll need the ensemble to be in top form—this scene is going to be _antagonizing_ to block."  
  
Jake saunters back stage in high spirits only to greet the unamused face of Amy Santiago.  
  
"Did'ya hear that?" He brags, because he's an arrogant _asshole_ that Amy's _totally_ not jealous of for getting Holt's approval. "I gave a 'stellar performance'. Gonna be hard to top that, huh?"  
  
Amy exhales heavily, because Act 1 Scene 5 involves Dora and the ensemble. Which means a lot of focus will be on her for this upcoming scene.  
  
"Sure you even know what 'stellar' means, Jake?" She taunts instead, but he's unfazed.  
  
"Doesn't matter. Because I know what the word 'improvise' means. And I know how to 'improvise'. Have you ever 'improvised' something that was so dope Holt made Terry change the script?"  
  
She ignores his question, because it's obviously a dig at how she's not one to improvise. "You know, when your fingers make inverted commas while you say the word 'improvise', it seems like you don't _actually_ know what it means."  
  
Just then, Charles appears next to Jake with a can of orange soda, plus a straw.  
  
"Fresh from the vending machine, Jake. Great job today, I'm so proud of you!"  
  
Jake doesn't even so much as look at Charles, although he does thank him.  
  
"Thank you, Charles."  
  
His eyes don't leave Amy as he cracks open the can of orange soda, putting the straw in before he sips. It makes her want to punch him in the face, as well as do...  _something else_ she can't quite figure out at the moment.  
  
Likewise, Amy's eyes don't leave Jake. The tension between the two makes Charles grin very widely but even he knows this is a moment he shouldn't interrupt.  
  
"Have fun acting," he says, with an provocative air that sets Amy off.  
  
"You have fun being— _ugh_! You're the _worst!"_ She yells, voice and head filled with a competitive anger that Jake always accelerates somehow.  
  
"You're cute when you're jealous of my amazing acting skills," he winks, and then proceeds to walk away, now _slurping_ his orange soda.  
  
"I hate you!"  
  
"I _know!"_

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1618 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Turns out, getting Holt's praise is a harder feat than expected, for this scene at least. True to his word, Director Holt is indeed _very_ antagonized throughout the blocking of Act 1 Scene 5.  
  
_"Amy, you're facing the wrong way."_  
  
_"You're rather awkwardly positioned there, Amy."_  
  
_"Try something else. I want you all making more acting decisions, show me bolder choices!"_  
  
Each word cuts into Amy's heart like a knife, because she does not take well to criticism, especially after someone like Jake got praised beforehand.  
  
She doesn't know what or who to be angry with.  
  
_This scene?_ Definitely. It really _is_ very frustrating to be a part of this scene. Amy has to stay extremely focused, because Act 1 Scene 5 is very movement-based, and she's required to coordinate her actions with the ensemble. Hands down, it's the most difficult part of the play.  
  
_The ensemble?_ Yes. She's a little frustrated with them. They're a mess, consisting of several people that haven't formed the right chemistry an ensemble needs to have yet. Gina looks pretty frustrated with them too, but that doesn't come as a surprise. She's often frustrated with the incompetence of others.  
  
_This set?_ Maybe. It clutters up the stage but it's beautifully crafted, and Amy's standing up high on this stony looking structure that gives her endless opportunities to make all sorts of acting choices. Maybe... she should do something like that. Improvise. Do something off-script. No wait, that's too crazy. Scripts are written for a _reason_ , and even though Jake's improvisations _(that are, may she remind, not always successful)_ are enjoyed by Holt, Amy can get Holt to lean back in his seat and nod slightly too! She does this simply by working hard on memorizing her lines, ensuring she charges the right emotion into her delivery.  
  
_Holt?_ No. No way. Everything he's said for the past ten minutes has been important and constructive _._ He's kept a cool voice, and Amy knows (despite his multiple critiques) that his real frustration lies with the ensemble. They're the ones who actually need him to hold their hand throughout this whole scene. Amy, on the other hand, Holt _trusts._ Right? She's been working with him for years, surely he sees her as someone capable of making her own acting choices that will mirror his direction for the play.  
  
_Jake?_ Of course she's mad at him. First off, his 'improvisations' just come from the fact that he's always too lazy to memorize his script. And maybe, _because of that flaw,_ he ends up coming up with lines that _might_ sometimes be better than the original lines written by Terry in the play. Jake treats the stage like it's his own personal playground, and he gets rewarded for it. Second of all, his scenes today weren't even hard! Obviously Holt was going to like whatever he did, since there was no actual hard work required for Jake to do. Third of all, he's making Amy question her acting methods.  
  
Of course, Amy knows that her style of acting has worked over the years. She's made Holt lean _far_ back into his seat, she's seen him smile affirmatively during a powerful monologue or two of hers. Amy's a good actress _,_ and she doesn't at all pale in comparison to Jake. Yeah—she's a fantastic actress who gives stellar performances in her own way.  
  
But... her style doesn't seem to be hitting the spot at the moment. Maybe _just_ for this scene, and maybe since Holt's currently asking everyone to make more acting choices, she should try to be more 'improvisational' in her acting.  
  
Perhaps, for this next line of hers, she should climb _higher_ on top of the structure she's currently perched on.  
  
Yes! This line could definitely benefit more from Amy being in a higher stance, and it would establish Dora better as a character, give her more power and make her agency as a protagonist more obvious.  
  
And who's to say this won't get Holt's attention? That her excellent acting choice won't soften his mood? That she won't get praised for her improvisation being _better_ than that of Jake's?  
  
She's driven now, and her leg steps up on the highest step of the structure.  
  
Which is when everything goes horribly wrong. In the millisecond before Amy comes crashing down, she realizes that the part of the structure she's stepped on isn't strong enough to support her yet.  
  
She screams, pure terror and fright in her chilling shrieks as she trips, falls, then descends to the ground with everything falling around her (thankfully, nothing fell _on_ her).  
  
Of course, it's a very quick descent because Amy couldn't have been more than five feet from the ground. But she feels her voice strangle her throat as her foot twists badly on impact. Her hand instinctively cups her mouth as she stares in shock at her ankle. Pain, excruciating pain, courses through her in every torturous way imaginable and she bites hard on her hand because she knows that doing otherwise will make her holler the house to the ground again.  
  
Tears form in her eyes now, and she's in too much pain to be embarrassed by them. She lets them fall, although she does feel a little self-conscious as she hears a small crowd gather round her, voices muffled by the throbbing agony that overwhelms all her senses.  
  
However, her ears do pick up something. Her own name.  
  
_"Amy!"_  
  
It takes her a few seconds to register that as Jake's voice. It's less because she's suffering immensely, and more because she hardly hears Jake sounding this _twisted,_ in so much turmoil. Actually, on second thought, she's never heard him this desperate, not even for a play, not ever for the stage.  
  
He pushes through the wall of students that are neatly and fearfully circled around her. She understands why none of them have come to her aid yet; she sees faces that don't know her well enough and gets that no one wants to make things awkward.  
  
But as Jake's arms slot themselves without a moment's hesitation under Amy's thighs and back, she realizes she doesn't understand why _he's_ doing this.  
  
"I need a chair!"  
  
She's never heard him get this demanding, this commanding before. Jake's a well-liked senior, he never bosses any of his juniors around and always treats them as equals.  
  
Everyone points to the chair two feet away from Jake, said chair is a prop but also happens to be a real chair, so Jake plops Amy down on it. She can feel the care he takes to make sure he doesn't hurt her, and again, she's very confused as to _why_ he cares.  
  
Jake finds a step stool which was also being used as a prop, and lifts Amy's injured leg up to keep her foot elevated. Amy's heart pounds, both from the subsiding pain as well as nervousness. Because everyone is watching them, and it's super awkward.  
  
Jake either doesn't notice or doesn't care that everyone's just gathered around them, watching, waiting. He only looks slightly ticked, being the only person helping Amy.  
  
"Can I get some ice over here? Why's everyone just standing around?"  
  
Gina nudges him in the shoulder with an ice pack, mere seconds after Jake makes this request. He tones his anger down, and looks sheepish in face of Gina's speed.  
  
"Oh... thanks. That was really fast."  
  
"Please, I left to get ice the moment _Trip-iago_ here fell down her shaky tower," Gina crosses her arms smugly. "Everyone brings problems, _Gina Linetti_ brings solutions."  
  
Jake mostly ignores her, but Gina speaks more for her benefit than his.  
  
"Okay," he looks at Amy uncertainly. "I'll try to be gentle, but this might hurt."  
  
Amy nods, still tongue-tied as she tries to figure everything out. As far as she can recall, Jake wasn't backstage. She saw him walk to the dressing room, where he would've never seen her fall.  
  
_How did he get to her so quickly?_  
  
Her thoughts stop short as pain once again floods her body. The pressure, although light, put by Jake on her foot hurts—causing her to yelp.  
  
"Sorry," Jake winces in apology.  
  
"Jake, icing her foot is unnecessary. Amy has to go to the hospital," Holt pipes up as he steps on the stage. "I was just on the phone with Mr McGintley. Your treatment will be covered by the school's student insurance policy. Mr McGintley is currently unavailable to escort you to the hospital, but I phoned Jeffords and he's in the area. However, I do require a volunteer to ensure Amy gets home safe as Jeffords has a prior engagement that will require him to leave the hospital earlier."  
  
Besides being Jake and Amy's homeroom teacher, Mr McGintley is also the teacher in charge of the drama club. But it doesn't matter, because he's equally irresponsible about _both_ his positions. Mr McGintley being 'currently unavailable' more often than not means that he's busy _taking a nap._ And given the time, he's likely already resting at home, tired from his _long day_ of sleeping at school.  
  
"I'll do it," Jake volunteers immediately, to no one's surprise but Amy's. "Um—I have no more scenes today and I don't live that far from Amy."  
  
He explains, even though no one asked him to.  
  
"Excellent," Holt nods. "Thank you for your selflessness."  
  
Gina bursts into laughter, cackling heartily like Holt just said the funniest thing. "Trust me, Jake wouldn't be this 'selfless' if someone else fell down."

 

* * *

   
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1633 HOURS, WAITING FOR TERRY TO ARRIVE**  
  
"Does it still hurt?" Jake asks, and it's a very hopeful question because Amy's obviously still in pain.  
  
"Yeah, I hope it's not anything too serious," she sighs, examining her foot which is starting to swell.  
  
"How did this even happen?"  
  
Amy purses her lips, exhaling in dread. "You're... not the only one who improvises."  
  
Jake's breath hitches. "Did this... happen because of me? Because of what I said?"  
  
His face is immediately more downcast, and Amy panics because it's not her intention to make him blame himself.  
  
"What? _No—_ Holt was asking us to make more acting decisions. I stepped too high up on the set piece and fell. Would've happened no matter _what_ you said—the set got unstable because I wasn't meant to get up so high."  
  
Jake nods, but his face is still filled with worry, as it has been since the moment he picked her up from the stage after her fall.  
  
_Why's Jake so worried?_ Amy wonders. Perhaps he's worried that her injury will hamper their rehearsal progress? After all, they don't just have the school performance to worry about, since the annual youth arts presentation festival (a competition drama clubs all over New York compete in) is coming up first.  
  
Yeah, if Amy's injury turns out to be serious, it could hurt their chances at getting through the audition round, let alone win—something they've achieved before, and need to achieve again.  
  
Amy starts to worry too.

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN METHODIST HOSPITAL, 1719 HOURS, AMY's X-RAY REVIEW**  
  
"No broken bones," the doctor declares, and Amy heaves a sigh of relief.  
  
A broken foot is a _death sentence_ in theatre. If her foot isn't broken, it can't be that bad, and she should be able to get back to rehearsal in no time. She doesn't dare imagine what things would be like if she were to be stuck in a foot cast and crutches for months—they'd have to recast her, or at the very least, _severely_ rewrite the script.  
  
"It's a horrible sprain though," he reminds her. "You shouldn't strain it any further. Which means no sports, rigorous sexual activity-"  
  
"Um," she interrupts in discomfort. "I have no plans to do any of-"  
  
"or _theater_ ," he emphasizes, and this gets Amy frowning. She knows she won't be able to rehearse for a little while, but hearing it from Doctor Lee makes it real.  
  
"I'm pretty sure your teachers and friends at school will agree that you're in no shape to... act? Is it?"  
  
"Yes. Actresses do in fact... act." Amy says flatly. Why this man has a doctorate is beyond her—although she should've known something was off about him the moment he told her, a high school _student_ (even if she's legal) to stay away from 'rigorous sexual activity'.  
  
"I'll be sure to keep away from the theater. How long will that be?"  
  
"Give it at least a week. And even then—you should probably stick to light stuff. Just stand there and look pretty."  
  
Amy grimaces, something Doctor Lee fails to notice. She can't stand being in this room any longer. Perhaps it was a mistake for her to tell Terry and Jake to wait outside, although it wouldn't have stopped Doctor Lee from making his misogynistic (amongst other inappropriate) remarks, she could have counted on them to get angry on her behalf.

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN METHODIST HOSPITAL, 1721 HOURS, WAITING AREA**  
  
Jake exhales repeatedly, his fingers digging into his palms as he paces up and down the corridor. The way he looks, it's like Amy's met with a major bus crash instead of just injuring her ankle. He's so incredibly tense, he's a living, breathing, walking definition of nervousness.  
  
Terry looks on from a distance, calmly seated at first, his relaxed demeanor slowly twisting only in light of Jake's anxious state.  
  
"Hey," he calls out, and Jake snaps in place. "Amy's going to be just fine, it's not your fault. Accidents happen all the time on stage, and it happens a lot when working together with other actors. I know it's gotta be a lot to watch someone get hurt in front of you, but you need to stop blaming yourself."  
  
Of course, Terry's operating under the misconception that Jake's blaming himself for causing Amy's injury.  
  
"I know it's not my fault Amy got hurt," Jake affirms. "I was in the dressing room when it happened. Wasn't even there."  
  
He keeps pacing, and this is when Terry starts putting one and one together—because it's all so plainly obvious.  
  
If Jake's worry for Amy's well-being doesn't come from a place of _guilt,_ that means it comes from...  
  
He gasps. His eyes split wide open with an honestly rather _clear-as-day_ realization.  
  
"You like Amy!" He points, rapidly at Jake, and this throws Jake into a whole new kind of panic.  
  
"Shut your muscular lips! The walls in these hospitals are _thin!"_  
  
Because of bad government funding. The hospitals have no money to build nice, thick walls. That's far from the point though, so.  
  
"Man, I had a _feeling_ you felt a little something for Amy-"  
  
Jake immediately forces Terry to can it, whilst simultaneously turning around every few seconds to make sure Amy hasn't charged out of the consultation room, guns blazing, to bust them.  
  
"Okay," he takes a deep breath when he thinks the coast is clear, even though he has literally nothing to worry about. "You got me. I like her, okay?"  
  
Terry, self-proclaimed lover of love, is _ecstatic_ when he hears this confirmation. Of course, Jake's feelings for Amy are screamingly obvious to anyone that breathes the air around their interactions—but to actually hear Jake say it sets things in stone. It's certain, and it's beautiful, hearing him confess his undying love for Amy.  
  
Fine, maybe 'I like her, okay' isn't exactly up there in the _Top Ten Most Heart-Wrenching Love Declarations_ , but it's not what Terry hears.  
  
It's what he _sees._ It's what he _feels_.  
  
Every move Jake makes, every little thing he says, does, it alludes to the great amount of care and concern he has for Amy Santiago (most of the time).  
  
Whether he's willing to admit it, or mature enough to _realize_ it, Terry knows that Jake Peralta is in love, or at least on his way to being in love, with Amy Santiago.

 

* * *

   
  
**PARK BENCH IN BROOKLYN, 1755 HOURS, PANTING HEAVILY**  
  
"How long have we walked for?" Jake's breathless voice squeaks at Amy who takes a look at her watch, groaning in misery.  
  
Because the school's insurance doesn't cover the cost for Amy to have crutches, not to mention a _wheelchair,_ Jake and Amy have been forced to struggle all the way to Amy's home (which now seems a million miles away from the hospital), with Amy's arm slung around Jake's shoulder as she hops on one foot.  
  
"Five minutes," she pants, and Jake straightens in shock, nearly jumping off the park bench they're resting on.  
  
"Five minutes! Okay, that's it—new plan."  
  
"I swear to god Jake, if you suggest stealing wheelchairs from the elderly or building me a _bionic_ leg again-"  
  
"Hey!" Jake interrupts. "First of all, I clearly said _racist white_ old person. And no, those plans, _however valid_ , are old plans."  
  
"So what's your new plan?" Amy patronizes him, even though she's pretty certain it's going to be something utterly ridiculous.  
  
"I carry you home," he shrugs, and Amy gives him a look.  
  
"Wait," she inhales. "You're not kidding?"  
  
"What's to kid? It's not like I've never carried you in my life."  
  
He proceeds to scoop Amy up in his arms, which makes her yelp.  
  
"See?" He grins, and if Amy weren't afraid that Jake would drop her, she'd find him almost charming. "I can still lift the queen."  
  
He's referring to the play they did junior year—Amy acted as the queen and Jake was the devoted servant who went back for her when the castle was under siege. All the soldiers, guards, and generals had either abandoned the queen to save themselves or gotten themselves killed. Amy's character managed to win a sword fight with a knight from the enemy, but in doing so got stabbed in the calf. In the play, Jake's character finds the queen after she gets injured defending herself and flees with her in his arms to save their lives.  
  
_Point is,_ Jake can lift Amy pretty easily, and she knows this since he last carried her when she fell down during rehearsal. But that was for a few seconds.  
  
"It's a thirty minute walk, Jake," Amy reminds him skeptically. "Your arms are going to _break_."  
  
"What? No they're not!" He darts down the sidewalk with Amy in his arms and she nearly screams, showing signs of distress which stops Jake after he's proven his point. "See?"  
  
"Even during the play last year you never had to carry me for half an hour straight—this is a bad idea.”  
  
"Well if it makes you feel any better, you're a lot lighter now. Either that or I'm the strongest man alive-" he gasps-"wait, maybe I _am_ the strongest man alive! Amy look at my arms, do I look super buff to you?"

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S HOUSE, 1834 HOURS, OUTSIDE THE DOOR**  
  
"Rise and shine," Jake chirps gently as he looks at Amy's composed features, her chest rising and falling in slumber. She's so beautiful and her head resting against his chest as she sleeps is something Jake won't trade for the world.  
  
He almost doesn't want this moment to end. But Amy's right, his arms feel like breaking, and no matter what his heart says, he can't afford to break both his arms just so that Amy can take a cat nap.  
  
"Ames," he attempts to wake her again, leaning in closer because Amy still hasn't stirred. "We're home. Home sweet home. Should I ring the doorbell?"  
  
Slowly, her eyes crack open.  
  
"Where are we?" She asks tiredly, and Jake chuckles. Why she happens to be the most adorable being on earth is beyond him.  
  
"Home. _Your home._ You've been sleeping forever. If you didn't wake up right just now I would've had to kiss you," he grins, happily teasing Amy as usual while she digs through her purse for the keys.  
  
"Then I shouldn't have woken up."  
  
Jake nearly drops Amy on the ground, and suddenly he's not quite sure how lungs work.  
  
"Uh—what now?"  
  
"No one's home," she ignores him as she unlocks the door. "Can you carry me to my room?"  
  
His arms scream _no, stop, no more, why are we attached to this stupid boy's body_ , but he nods.  
  
"Sure, ain't no _thang_ ," he smiles shakily, still unable to believe that Amy may or may not have just flirted with him. "Where's your room?"  
  
"Highest floor."  
  
_"Of course it is."_  
  
He walks all the way up two flights of stairs, and arrives right outside her room. The door's wide open, and reveals Amy's immaculate and organized haven.  
  
So he can definitely enter, but he stops to laugh instead.  
  
"What is it?" Amy asks, and he shakes his head.  
  
"Nothing, just thinking about how I look like a husband about to carry his new wife over the threshold, it‘s stupid.”  
  
She doesn't roll her eyes, only smiles in an unsettlingly comfortable way. "Then carry me in, honey."  
  
Jake's very confused as he walks in, because Amy's behaving _very_ out of character. It's either that or she's _actually_ flirting with him for some crazy reason and that's how she flirts.  
  
Or maybe—his arms are in so much pain that he's starting to _hallucinate_.  
  
But whatever, Jake doesn't care. Amy called him 'honey'. He's on cloud _fucking_ nine.  
  
He sets her down as gently as he can on her bed.  
  
"There you go, 'honey'," he smirks, because maybe Amy's just joking, so he plays along.  
  
His arms feel _immense_ relief as he lets go of Amy—he grunts and groans as he stretches and cracks his sore joints, making Amy laugh.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, you were right," he sneers, "I think I need to go to the hospital too. Take care."  
  
And then he turns around to leave.  
  
"Wait!" Amy blurts out, grabbing onto his wrist and pulling him back around.  
  
"What? Is this not your room?" Jake wonders stupidly, like a stupid person.  
  
"What kind of _husband_ leaves his wife alone in bed?" Amy asks sultrily, shocking him for the millionth time that day.  
  
"Wha—what?"  
  
Jake feels like he's just gotten punched in the best way, and he's pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven because no way on _earth_ would something as great as this ever happen to him.  
  
She giggles, and _oh, she's just joking,_ Jake thinks. Amy's just _suddenly_ developed a very volatile sense of humor that might very well be the death of him.  
  
"Lie down on my bed for a minute. I need to show you what a proper, _comfortable_ bed feels like."  
  
Jake snickers as Amy moves further back into her bed, petting the space next to her invitingly. He's reminded of the time they did 'homework' on his bed, and he obliges her.  
  
"Fine, but I'm going to hate it."  
  
"Sure."  
  
He flops down on the bed, and as his back greets Amy's mattress he lets out a huge moan. A very strangled sigh of relief. It makes Amy chortle, which he finds understandable. Thoughts of how he's been living a horrible life and that he should throw his bed out immediately flood his mind.  
  
"Crap, I need to burn my mattress. Also I don't think I can get up now, ever."  
  
His intentions are of course, to tease Amy. He expects her to understand, get fake-mad at him, then proceed to kick him out of her bed since she's proven her point that his bed _sucks_ and seriously, he should get a new one.  
  
But none of that happens. Instead, Amy leans into him with a sly smile.  
  
"Then don't get up."  
  
She kisses all expectations out of him. He inhales in shock and nearly doesn't move but—Amy Santiago is kissing him and it's show-stopping, mind-numbing, _absolutely_ incredible. He kisses her back and feels himself enter a state of unadulterated bliss.  
  
Amy's hand slides up his shirt, fingers grazing the arches of his waistline, the other cupping his face as she kisses him enthusiastically, obscenely.  
  
Jake doesn't understand what's going on but he misses, oh god he misses Amy's lips so much.  
  
When was the last time they kissed again? It feels like it's been ages.  
  
Oh. Right. It was like, yesterday. Never mind.  
  
"Why're you kissing me?" Jake mumbles curiously against Amy's lips. He almost doesn't care _why,_ because Amy's kissing him and he's never felt more blessed.  
  
"Because you're my husband," if Amy's joking, she's taking this joke pretty far, although Jake supposes he doesn't care about his feelings. If her practical jokes involve kissing him, she can joke all she wants.  
  
Her lips, as always, are so incredibly soft. A small part of Jake _(that's actually a large part of Jake)_ hopes Amy's not joking, because if she asked he would quite literally marry her on the spot. Whether that's a good or bad decision, he doesn't care.  
  
"I love my wife," he slurs, catching himself. _That's too crazy._ "I mean, I love _having_ a wife."  
  
Amy just keeps kissing him. Her enthusiasm makes him worry—what if she hurts herself?  
  
"Are you sure you're okay? What about your ankle?"  
  
"It hurts less when I kiss you."  
  
Jake melts. He absolutely melts, can't feel a thing, only Amy.  
  
"Okay, kiss me all you want."  
  
He leans into it now, shifts up so that he has a better angle, holding Amy close.  
  
Suddenly, she pulls away, and Jake's almost disappointed, but he supposes the fun had to end at some point.  
  
"All cured now?" He sits up, preparing to get dismissed by her.  
  
"It's this shirt of yours," she tells him, "I don't like it."  
  
Jake huffs, taking it personally because he's _really_ dumb. "Have you liked _any_ of my shirts? Ever?"  
  
"No," she slides her hand up to the top button of his flannel. "I think you look better without them."  
  
Does Jake want to die? _Yes,_ but death doesn't take him like some kind of asshole, and Amy's undoing his shirt, button by button, while he has no idea what's going on.  
  
"I look better without my shirt?" He repeats, throat dry from lack of hydration because he never drinks water but also because Amy Santiago is a master seductress and how he hasn't collapsed several times over is a miracle.  
  
She pushes his shirt off his shoulders, staring at his upper torso. Jake's almost worried, because if she puts his shirt back on with any sort of distaste, that's _really_ going to kill the mood.  
  
"You okay?" He asks, because her gaze lights a fire in him that he quickly needs extinguished, because thoughts of how Amy might look shirtless (he won't lie, he's wondered) start to fill his mind.  
  
"Burn all your shirts," she commands, before fiercely kissing him again.  
  
He slowly falls back, relishing the taste of Amy's lips, before Amy moves down to his neck—he wants to miss the touch of her lips against his but they feel so _good_ (currently, they nip against his collarbone) he doesn't care where she puts her lips as long as it's somewhere on him.  
  
"So," he croaks, because his lips are free and he wants to make conversation (dig for praise). "You like me shirtless huh?"  
  
"Mhmm," her fingers trace Jake's arms as she moves herself closer to his face once more. The way she eats his arms up with her eyes gets him understanding what his appeal is (and also makes him super aroused).  
  
"Oh," his eyes widen excitedly. "I _did_ get super buff!"  
  
Naively, he thinks he's seduced her with his athletic body.  
  
"So this is what draws you in? My muscular body? Not my charming _personality?_ Gotta admit, Ames, that's pretty shallow, but at the same time I don't really-"  
  
Amy yelps at that very moment, accidentally knocking her ankle against the side of her bed while shifting about. She moves away from Jake immediately, biting her lip in pain, and he gets up right after her, concerned as ever.  
  
"Babe I'm so sorry," he apologizes, rubbing Amy on the shoulder. "You okay? Need any painkillers?"  
  
"No, I already took some at the hospital," she admits. "Dizzy now."  
  
Jake freezes.  
  
"Amy, how many fingers am I holding up?"  
  
"Five?"  
  
Jake sighs. "I'm not holding any up."  
  
"Oh. Oops. Never mind, I'm okay now–" she leans into Jake, but he backs away cautiously.  
  
"Where are your painkillers? How many did you take?"  
  
Panic, horror, and dread fill Jake up until he feels like _choking._ He knows what the side effects of painkillers are, and he can't believe he didn't realize this sooner.  
  
He digs through Amy's purse for her medication and his heart sinks when he finds her painkillers.  
  
Four. _Four_ are missing.  
  
Amy's definitely not in her right mind—he just. This isn't okay. This is _wrong,_ and he feels dirty.  
  
Jake nearly apologizes, but Amy's eyes are wide and waiting and—he supposes it's best if he doesn't further confuse Amy in her disillusioned state by saying she doesn't know what she's doing.  
  
And technically _,_ all they did was kiss _(amongst some other things he's not going to think about right now)_. Not something they haven't done before. It's better if she doesn't know anything.  
  
"Jake?" She takes his hand, and it takes all the willpower in the world, not just Jake's alone, to push her hand away.  
  
She looks hurt and he selfishly relishes in being loved by her (okay maybe her wanting to hardcore kiss him isn't love, but he pretends it is) for just a moment. Because of course this is all too good to be true.  
  
"Amy, it's time for you to sleep. _Nap time_. I'm leaving, okay?"  
  
She frowns immediately, pulling him back in, not letting him go.  
  
"I'm not _sleeping_ if it's not with _you_."  
  
His heart thumps demandingly against his chest, wanting to leave because anything is better than having to endure all this torture.  
  
Jake groans in frustration.  
  
"God damnit, Painkiller Amy, why are you so freaking _smooth?"_  
  
She grins cheekily, sliding her hand up his torso, making him shiver.  
  
"I'll show you something smooth..."  
  
Jake bolts away, utterly terrified, only the thought of survival on his mind. If he stays for a second longer, he knows very well that he's definitely going to do something wrong, and he really doesn't want to screw up because Amy's in a delirious state and if he takes advantage of that he'll only see scum when he looks in the mirror after.  
  
He grabs his shirt, tearing hell for leather out of Amy's room before she can say another word. He puts on his shirt, faster than Amy took it off _(not the right time to think about that)_ and nearly flies down the stairs in his hurry to leave.  
  
Just as he arrives at the first floor (ten feet away from the door!) he comes face to face with a woman that can only be Amy's mother.  
  
"Who are you and _what_ are you doing in my home?"  
  
The only thing Jake's grateful for? Is that he put his shirt on in time.


	6. to turn around, turn around

**AMY'S HOUSE, 1854 HOURS, WAITING FOR DEATH TO MERCIFULLY BEFALL HIM**  
  
"Um..." Jake tremors uneasily under the scrutiny of Amy's mother's eyes, trying to think of something to say.  
  
Because _'I was just in your only daughter's room kissing her heavily while she tried to do unspeakable things to me because she's under the influence of very strong painkillers'_ doesn't seem like a _killer_ first impression.  
  
Thankfully for him, Mrs Santiago's face suddenly softens in recognition, and she seems apologetic for the hard stance she took.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! You must be _Jehovah—_ when you've got eight kids like me you _always_ mix up and forget their friends."  
  
Jake nods his head, wanting very much to leave, trying to play along with this _'Jehovah'_ thing so she lets him go.  
  
"No worries—I had a lot of fun doing homework with... _your son_."  
  
He really hopes she doesn't catch on that he's only (all too well) acquainted with her daughter.  
  
"Of course _—_ where are your things? Don't tell me you left your homework in his room!"  
  
"Oh uh-" Jake gulps. "It's a... group project. Sorry, but my mom will _kill_ _me_ if I'm home late for dinner."  
  
"Oh, of course! Run along now, you."  
  
He doesn't look back.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S BED, 0914 HOURS, WAKING UP WITH THE HANGOVER VERSION OF TAKING TOO MUCH PAIN MEDS**  
  
Sunlight crawls in through the blinds of Amy's window, gently teasing her skin until her discomfort rouses her.  
  
It's some stupid national holiday today, so Amy's vaguely aware that she doesn't have to go to school. But she finds herself very lost, her head muddled and murky, with no recollection of how she wound up on her bed.  
  
Her stomach growls, and she ignores it in favor of trying to piece together her whereabouts yesterday.  
  
The first thing she picks up is that she's injured her foot—which is clearly evident in her gauze wrapped ankle even if it had in fact slipped her mind.  
  
The sight of her injury makes her mind shift and click, putting things together. _Right—_ she was at rehearsal yesterday and fell down...  
  
Memories flood her mind, but she can't remember anything past being at the hospital, watching Terry pay and telling Jake to get her home safe—brief, vague recollections of her limping home with Jake aside, she can't recall much else.  
  
Despite her sapped recollections, Amy has an explanation for why she can't recall a thing past leaving the hospital.  
  
She remembers taking her painkillers right after getting them from the hospital itself; the pain had been simply _unbearable_. And from past experience she never remembers anything she does after taking painkillers, especially those as strong as the ones she was prescribed.  
  
Anyway, since he walked her home, maybe Jake can tell her what happened after the hospital visit. She decides to drop him a text.  
  
_**Hey... just woke up and I can't remember a thing. Do you know what happened yesterday?**_

 

* * *

   
**JAKE'S BED, 0919 HOURS, LYING IN BED BECAUSE HE'S AWAKE BUT WHO GETS OUT OF BED IF YOU DON'T NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL**  
  
Jake leans over to dispose of a stray tissue that missed the bin last night, which he notes, is almost full from trash _(most of which are crumpled tissues)_ that he should clear soon.  
  
His phone buzzes with a text and he picks it up, his heart racing (with both happiness and nervousness) when he sees that it's from Amy.  
  
_**Hey... just woke up and I can't remember a thing. Do you know what happened yesterday?**_  
  
He exhales in relief, dropping his phone back on the bed dramatically. Thank goodness she remembers nothing.  
  
**_u stole my virginity_**  
  
He grins as he responds, knowing his text doesn't help Amy whatsoever. He looks forward to whatever scathing response she has.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S BED, 0920 HOURS, SITTING IN BED**  
  
**_u stole my virginity_**  
  
Amy has no idea why she thought asking Jake what happened yesterday was in any _way_ , a good idea. She supposes it's her fault for _trying_ , and she can only sigh as she stares at his response, strangely tense as her mind runs wild with the concept Jake teases in his text.  
  
_**You're not a virgin.**_  
  
She tosses her phone aside after replying to examine her foot. She can't go downstairs like this, her mother will _freak_ if she finds out what happened, plus, chances are she won't let Amy go to school for at least a day or two if she knows.  
  
She removes the gauze cautiously, taking care not to hurt herself further, making sure she doesn't rip the dressing so that she can at least bandage herself back up later.  
  
**_yeah NOW im not. bc u took my fresh innocent organic virginity away how could you_**  
  
Amy snorts as she glances over to read the text. She decides that maybe two can play at this game.  
  
**_If you don't want to lose your virginity, don't beg me to take it away next time._**  
  
She then leaves to go downstairs for breakfast, because she has a feeling she missed dinner last night.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S LIVING ROOM, 0924 HOURS, ARRIVING FOR BREAKFAST**  
  
"Sleeping Ugly finally makes her entrance!" Her sarcastic, _loser of a brother_ Diego announces as he shovels scrambled eggs into his mouth. Diego's in junior year and barely a year younger than Amy, which means that more often than not, he's the biggest _pain in her ass_ out of all her brothers.  
  
"No calling your sister ugly," their mother chides gently from the kitchen as she fries up more breakfast foods.  
  
"Ma, I can't call her Sleeping _Beauty,_ " Diego argues, because age is just a number to him and he'll _never_ grow up.  
  
"Yeah, that's _incest,_ " their much younger brother Leo interjects, nearly giving everyone a heart attack.  
  
Diego might be annoying, but Leo is _terrifying_. You never know what bomb he'll drop at the breakfast table. Or lunch table. Or heck, _kid's table_ during play dates. Amy's unsure of the details, but she's heard through the (Santiago Siblings™) grapevine that Leo's made other children cry without even trying to, once severing the ties of a _decade-long_ friendship between their mother and one of her best friends.  
  
"How is that _incest?_ " Amy grimaces, taking her seat in disgust.  
  
"Where did you learn that word?" Mrs Santiago questions in displeasure, spatula upright and dripping with oil from her hand, looking ready to punish whoever _demonized_ her son.  
  
"School."  
  
That's too vague, so she sighs, turning her attention to her daughter. "Amy, are you alright? You wouldn't wake up no matter how hard we all tried last night."  
  
"Shaking you and yelling in your face was pretty fun though," Diego remarks, earning him a smack from Amy. "Ma, she _hit_ me!"  
  
"You deserve it," she says, to Amy's delight as she sets a plate of food in front of her. Her mouth waters at the sight of pierogis and scrambled eggs.  
  
Their mother proceeds to return with a huge plate of bacon, distributing pieces to her children. Amy gloats soundlessly about getting one more slice of bacon than Diego, who frowns, and proceeds to steal a slice of bacon from Leo _(who's too busy trying to mix orange juice into his food to notice)_ , sticking his tongue out at Amy because they've got _equal_ servings of food now. She only rolls her eyes and turns back to smile weakly at her mother.  
  
"I was just tired," Amy explains as she focuses her attention on eating as much as she can, food sliding down her throat pleasurably as she sates her hunger.  
  
"Don't study too hard my dear, you'll fall sick," Amy nods in understanding as she gets fussed over, maternal love emanating from her mother's caring pats on her shoulder.  
  
" _Great_ advice, I'll be sure not to do that," Diego quips, earning a glare from his mother.  
  
"You— need to study _more_. How's your project with Jehovah going?"  
  
Diego's very confused. "Project? What project?"  
  
She huffs. "The project you were doing with Jehovah yesterday- don't pretend, I bumped into him as he was leaving."  
  
"I was _at_ Jehovah's place yesterday, what are you talking about?"  
  
The atmosphere grows tense as Mrs Santiago realizes that her son isn't lying.  
  
"So who did I see yesterday?"

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0810 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY'S HOMEROOM**  
  
Amy trudges into class twenty minutes later than her usual time of arrival, only to be greeted with the sight of Jake standing on his own desk.  
  
"No way- everyone, note the date _and_ time of this moment in history— Amy Santiago is the last person in class to report to school, and she's _late!_ Round of applause everyone, the _impossible_ has happened! We did it!"  
  
Amy groans as half the class proceeds to clap, everyone's so _starved_ for entertainment here. She considers staying put where she stands, waiting for the bell to ring so she can leave, saving herself the long and arduous journey to her desk.  
  
But for once, Mr McGintley's not fast asleep, so she shuffles painfully to her table where Jake is waiting (probably with an annoying grin, she refuses to look at him to confirm).  
  
"I can't believe _one_ sprained ankle was all it took to defeat your perfect attendance record," Jake tuts as he hops off his desk to lean over Amy's, only receding when she roughly dumps her stuff on the table.  
  
"Whatever, Jake," she grumbles as she rests her poor ankle. Because she doesn't want her mom to find out about her injury, no one at home can know— so she walked to school on her own, dragging her useless foot behind her.  
  
The bell rings, and she's full of dread for once about having to leave for class- she just put all her stuff down and now she has to pick them up all _over_ again?  
  
But before she can even reach for her bag, Jake's gotten hold of all of her things.  
  
"What are you doing?" Amy asks, and he looks at her like she's just asked the dumbest question.  
  
"Carrying your stuff."  
  
"Yeah, but I need my stuff for class."  
  
He chuckles. "Good thing I'm walking you to class then."  
  
"Wait what?" She's unable to stand up in shock due to her injury, so she _sits_ in confusion. "We- we don't have the same class first period."  
  
"So?"  
  
"You'll be late for class."  
  
Jake rolls his eyes. "Oh Amy- you really think I care about that? _At all?_ "  
  
Her heart pumps uneasily as he holds out a free hand to help her up. She doesn't understand why she's frantically pushing away Jake's attempts to be kind to her, like accepting is dangerous somehow.

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0857 HOURS, END OF AMY'S FIRST PERIOD CLASS**  
  
Amy sighs as the second bell rings— writing the notes out in full instead of taking a picture was a mistake. She scrambles to keep all her stuff as students stream in for second period; she needs to leave quickly before she gets stuck in a class she's not meant to be in and fails to be on time for her own class.  
  
"Hurry up, Ames, you're gonna be late again," Amy _nearly_ gets the shock of her life when she sees Jake. He's assigned to sit in the very seat she's occupying during second period, but she usually leaves the class before he even gets there.  
  
"Sorry," she apologizes. "I'm in your seat."  
  
He snorts, and takes her things from her before she can pick them up again.  
  
"Yeah, don't care. I'm just trying to save you from being late for class."  
  
She gives him a look.  
  
"You're walking me to class— again?"  
  
"Do we have to have this conversation—  _again?_ "  
  
"Jake- my class was on the way to yours first period, but now we're literally _in_ your class. That's, the most _out of the way_ your class can be from mine."  
  
He ignores her and helps her stand up again with a single arm's strength, leading her out without a word before he gets interrupted.  
  
"Peralta, where do you _think_ you're going?" Jake's teacher snaps, an impatient man who Jake does not have time for right now.  
  
"I'm on my period!" Jake yells, grabbing the hallway pass on his way out. Amy just trails along because she's too embarrassed at this point to stop him.  
  
"You're on your _period?_ " She only asks incredulously once they're out of earshot of Jake's laughing second period class.  
  
" _Super_ heavy flow," he teases with a smile. "You got a tampon on you?"  
  
She takes a deep breath.  
  
"Jake, why are you doing this? Walking me to first and second period?"  
  
"I can't believe you think it's _only_ for first and second period," he huffs with a shake of his head. "What's wrong? No one else is helping you out so I'm walking you to class. Doesn't matter, I don't care about being on time-- but I _do_ care about you not worsening your injury."  
  
Amy nods. "Oh, yeah, or I won't be able to rehearse."  
  
Jake sighs. "Yes, Amy, that's _exactly_ what I'm worried about. Your ability to rehearse on stage."

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1420 HOURS, END OF SCHOOL**  
  
True to his implied words, Jake walks Amy to every single class of hers. Sometimes he's a little late and she pretends not to see the urgency in his feet when he runs toward her after a class or two.  
  
She ends up enjoying the assistance (or the company) of Jake walking her to every class. A part of her glows and burns at his devotion. Sure, he's doing it for the sake of the play, but a part of Amy also knows it's because deep down, Jake's a good person.  
  
A good, _sweet_ person.  
  
She (tries to) draw the line at him walking her home, however.  
  
"Jake, you have _rehearsal_ later," she reminds, trying to take her bag away from him to no avail. He holds it up high, and it's especially infuriating because she could _easily_ get it back by jumping, tip-toeing, whatever--- but because her ankle screams if she so much as _breathes_ at the wrong angle, she's rooted to the ground, and Jake has her bag held high up in the air with a grin.  
  
Even when he's being nice to her, he's having fun _tormenting_ her any way he can.  
  
"There's enough time to walk you there and back," he argues. "I won't even be _late_."  
  
Amy eventually caves and lets him take her home, even though she makes a point of frowning as much as possible all the way through.  
  
(Jake makes a point of _not_ smiling like an idiot the whole time because Amy's unfairly cute when she frowns.)

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1547 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Over the next week, Holt tries to avoid blocking scenes involving Amy as much as possible. But as she portrays one of the central characters in the story, inevitably, she turns up in scenes more often than not.  
  
So logically, since Amy usually has at least a line or two in many of the scenes they need to block, Rosa stands in with a script to read Amy's lines for her.  
  
Although Rosa and Amy are close friends, this is not a service Rosa _volunteers_ to carry out specifically to help Amy out because she's injured.  
  
Rosa stands in for any actor, and _every_ actor, when they don't turn up for rehearsal.  
  
One might call it a tedious task, but Rosa's not an actress, so Holt never pressures her into putting any actual effort into saying her lines.  
  
She speaks, like she would normally talk, but on stage is when Rosa's words are filled with the _most_ dread (except for when she does impressions of the actors she's standing in for).  
  
It's something Gina particularly enjoys seeing— she's never more unfocused than when Rosa's being made to act.  
  
Although— a strong argument _can_ be made for when Rosa has to train actors in the club to do stunt work. She's a fully-trained gymnast, and a very experienced classical dancer.  
  
And _god_ does she have the body to prove it.

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1550 HOURS, CONTROL ROOM**  
  
"Y'know, sometimes I wish you were on the ensemble with me. We could do things none of those rat-faced greenhorns could ever _dream_ of," Gina drawls, watching intently as Rosa reads through Amy's lines while doing yoga. It's a sight for sore eyes, but a part of Gina's glad that they're both currently in the control room, where no undeserving eyes can roam Rosa's perfect curves.  
  
Rosa looks up, legs still spread in a perfect split. She nearly smiles. _Nearly._  
  
"Ensembles aren't supposed to be just two people, Gina. That's kind of the point," she grabs one of her feet now, stretches it up and over her head. She can feel Gina's gaze fixate even further, and she's almost spurred on by it.  
  
"I know," Gina sighs, now slumping against the small couch they secretly placed in the control room a year back. "If you aren't up here, who else can play with the lights and sound so my voice is sexy and I look pretty?"  
  
Rosa snorts, but she doesn't disagree, only stretches. Right now, her back is off the ground, supported by her palms and feet. This position causes her shirt to ride up, letting Gina catch a good glimpse of her bare midriff.  
  
"Yeah, you're right," Gina continues, even though Rosa hasn't so much as uttered a word. "I _am_ naturally pretty, and I was _born_ with a sexy voice."  
  
Rosa collapses in a heap, shock making the both of them break into tears of laughter.  
  
"You okay girl?" Gina checks in between chuckles. "I know I'm witty, but we can't let our club's best understudy get a concussion."  
  
Rosa rolls her eyes, very affectionately, as she sits up. "I'm not the best understudy, I'm just _everyone's_ understudy."  
  
"Nuh uh, girl. You've pulled off the best impression of Gildenhorn anyone has ever _seen_. No one's better than you."  
  
Gina's referring to Jenny Gildenhorn, drama club's biggest star (and Jake's ex girlfriend) from middle school. She's since quit (due to... pressures from members of the club) to join the cheer squad. More on her later.  
  
"Now come on," Gina grabs Rosa's hand, helping her up. "I wanna see if you can nail a _Santiago_ impression."

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1629 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
"Okay— ground rules," Rosa pipes up just before she's due to act out a scene with Jake.  
  
This gets him confused, his eyebrows raising in amusement. Rosa's covered for actors that've shared scenes with him before, this isn't the first time they'll be rehearsing on stage together.  
  
" _New_ rules? Okay."  
  
"Rule one— no looking at me like you usually look at Santiago when you do the scene."  
  
Jake still looks dazed. "Uh— that's me being _Johnny._ Y'know, I have to be _in character_. So... you don't _want_ me to be in character?"  
  
"Whatever. It's gross."  
  
"Being in character is _gross?_ "  
  
"Either way, you look at me like that, I'm _punching_ you."  
  
That warning's enough to make Jake shut up. And nod very obediently.  
  
"Rule two. Don't touch me. I'm not Amy. I'm not actually Dora. I'm just saying her stupid lines. If you touch me, I punch you."  
  
Jake nods again. "Got it. Cool."  
  
"And rule number three— no kissing me."  
  
Jake snorts at this.  
  
"I'm serious, Peralta, if you so much as pout your dumb lips, or lean in, if your lips ever touch mine—"  
  
"You'll punch me, I get-"  
  
" _I stab you._ "  
  
"Okay!" Jake's eyes are wider and filled with more fear than black holes are filled with mystery.  
  
" _-everywhere._ With a new knife each time."  
  
"Your message is coming through _crystal clear_." He takes a deep breath. "No worries, I will follow _every_ one of those rules. And chill out, I don't want to kiss you. If I did, Gina would probably kill me before you do."  
  
"Why?"  
  
It's then that Jake catches himself.  
  
"Uh- nothing. Gina wouldn't kill me, she'd _high five_ me. She- she doesn't like you, _at all._ In fact, she probably hates you. Yup. She hates you _so much_."  
  
Rosa rolls her eyes, sighing. "Whatever."  
  
She doesn't care what Jake thinks, only that he follows her rules.  
  
Although... Rosa has to admit she's a _little_ curious over whether Jake's remark about Gina is based on his own conclusions or it's something he's privy to, as Gina's best and oldest friend.

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1839 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Things more or less go smoothly during rehearsal. They manage to block a good number of scenes even without the presence of Amy, as said scenes either don't feature her character or only require her to say a few lines on the spot. Nothing too complicated for Amy to learn when she returns to the theater.  
  
So Amy's absence doesn't dampen rehearsal progress— but Jake _sorely_ misses her.  
  
He feels the emptiness her lack of presence brings, he misses their interactions, their competitive jibing over acting prowess, her face, the sound of her voice, her touch, her _skin—_  
  
Okay, he's deviating _majorly_ from what he misses about having her around during _rehearsal_ now.  
  
_Bottom line is,_ Jake misses Amy.  
  
Sure, he sees her plenty at school, and he's still adamantly insisting that he walks Amy to every class and back home at the end of the day (the only thing stopping him from walking her to school is her insistence that her brothers are helpful enough on that end).  
  
This has been going on for a week now, and Jake misses Amy more and more with each passing rehearsal. He yearns to act with her again, their chemistry flowing with every line and look exchanged.  
  
Not that acting with Rosa isn't a _hoot_ , but he's always more worried for his life than anything else _—_ since the former has made several threats of violence as well as homicide should he so much as look at her the wrong way.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S HOUSE, 1903 HOURS, STANDING ON THE DOOR STEP HESITANTLY**  
  
Jake can't believe his dumb feet took him to Amy's house instead of his own. Does he miss her so much that he can't go home? Because seriously, he'll see her tomorrow at school. That's in twelve measly hours.  
  
He sighs. The answer is yes. He _does_ miss her that much.  
  
Ringing the doorbell, Jake prays that neither of Amy's parents answer.  
  
Especially Amy's mom, because she thinks he's—  _Jehovah_ , was it?  
  
Actually, on second thought, if Amy's mother answers the door, he can just pretend he's 'Jehovah'. But then again- she might call whichever brother of Amy's she's associated him with and that would just expose Jake's true identity.  
  
To his relief, a boy around his age opens the door. He seems a little younger, maybe by a year or two.  
  
"Uh, we're not buying-"  
  
"Oh, no I'm not selling anything. I'm- actually here to see Amy." Jake clears his throat as he gets eyed suspiciously. "It's about homework."  
  
"Oh, okay, she's upstairs."  
  
Jake nods. He knows _exactly_ where Amy's room is, which brings up memories that shame him with every step he takes up the winding stairwell.  
  
But still, he walks up all two flights of stairs with much greater ease than the first time, coming face to face with Amy's door which is tightly shut for a change. He knocks on the door carefully, his heart palpitating nervously.  
  
"Come in," he hears Amy mumble lifelessly, but he still unmistakably breaks into a large grin at the sound of her voice.  
  
"Hey Ames-"  
  
Amy nearly jumps at the sound of his voice, her own rising sharply and almost cracking as she flinches in place.  
  
She doesn't expect to see him at all.  
  
It makes him laugh.  
  
"What? Not happy to see me?"  
  
Amy takes in a deep breath, sighing as she exhales.  
  
"What are you doing here, Jake?"  
  
He smirks. "What- I can't visit you while you're in pain? And sign your _killer_ foot cast?"  
  
"Huh?" Amy runs her fingers briefly through her hair, tucking a few strands behind her ear. "Jake, it's just a sprain, I don't have a cast."  
  
Jake thumps his fist on Amy's desk in mock disappointment, amusing her. "You don't? For realz?" He sighs. "Damn it, this was a wasted trip."  
  
It's the biggest lie ever told, if Jake is indeed lying and not messing with her.  
  
"Jake, you know I don't have a foot cast. You were _with me_ at the hospital."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"And on the way home."  
  
"Got a point there-"  
  
"-and you've _seen_ me every day at school since."  
  
Jake shrugs, trying to look nonchalant despite his ever-rising anxiety because he really did not think any of this through. "Guess I'm just that unobservant."  
  
He then glances, noticing that Amy's feet are bare, free from the bandages he remembers seeing everyday.  
  
"Speaking of observing stuff--" he interjects, gesturing to her foot--"why's your ankle not bandaged?"  
  
This has her in a disarray for a moment, but she begins to explain.  
  
"Uh, I took it off because I'm changing the dressing."  
  
It's reasonable, so he accepts it.  
  
"Okay, uh- since your foot's not wrapped up right now... you want me to give you a foot rub?"  
  
He very nearly winces because the offer feels stupid, and grows more stupid with every word that drags out his stupid, stupid mouth.  
  
"Um- why do you wanna do that?"  
  
Jake clears his throat, cursing himself once again for not thinking of a better plan of action before recklessly walking into Amy's room like some obsessed stalker.  
  
Well, he probably _is_ an obsessed stalker now, but Amy doesn't need to know that.  
  
"I- uh. Well- I give _really_ good foot rubs. And they'll help you recover quicker."  
  
"Okay-"  
  
He panics, momentarily, worries that it's not enough to convince Amy. Because of that, he says the next first thing that comes to mind.  
  
"And also- I haven't been feeling too _in character_ recently so I'm method acting and I think Johnny would totally give Dora a foot rub if she... sprained her ankle?"  
  
Once the words fall from his tongue, Jake realizes he was better off with his first excuse, better off shutting up all together. Heck, better off _shriveling_ and burrowing himself into the (super clean) floor he stands on.  
  
Amy catches on immediately, _obviously_ believing his first lie much better than his second lie.  
  
"Okay- you would never _method act_ in your life- you're too lazy and you like having an audience."  
  
Jake looks almost proud at this, touched at this. Even though... he shouldn't be. Amy's words are very clearly framed as an insult.  
  
"Aww, Ames, you know me so well."  
  
She very nearly smiles, but then quickly brings them back to the matter at hand.  
  
"Jake-- cut the crap and tell me why you came all the way here to give me a- _oh my god._ "  
  
Amy freezes in horror and this gets Jake frantic and unsettled.  
  
"What? What's wrong?"  
  
"No way... Jake, do you have a _foot fetish?_ Is this another one of your kinks?"  
  
"WHAT?" He explodes. "NO, OKAY, I DO _NOT_ HAVE A FOOT FETISH I'M PRETTY SURE- _I THINK—_  MAYBE—  _NO!_ "  
  
Amy looks at him strangely.  
  
He sighs. "Okay, here's the truth. Rehearsal's not as fun when you're not there. I... missed you."  
  
If Jake weren't too embarrassed to lift his head, he'd see Amy go bright red. But instead, he worries that he's completely made a fool out of himself. He's about to get up and leave (the country, change his name, his identity) when-  
  
"You can give me a foot rub," she says, which stops Jake in his tracks. " _While_ I do my homework."  
  
He chortles, bright and genuine like a rising sun. "Obviously. Priorities, amirite?"  
  
She smiles light and sweet, looking down at her homework (even though she fails to process any words) as Jake pulls out a chair for himself to sit on, reaching for Amy's foot and placing it in his lap.  
  
"You know, I was gonna pretend that your foot smelled to psyche you out, but you smell disgustingly good. Is that rose?" He sniffs, getting Amy a little self-conscious.  
  
"Yeah, my shower gel is rose..." Thankfully, Jake stops smelling her feet after that single sniff.  
  
"You _wash_ your feet?"  
  
"You _don't_ wash your feet?"  
  
Jake gulps at Amy's judgmental gaze.  
  
"Uh, _totally,_ yeah, 'course I do."  
  
Wanting that conversation to end quickly, he moves on by rubbing her foot. In his haste, he squeezes Amy's foot much too hard, and she squeaks in pain.  
  
"Fuck, Ames, m'sorry..."  
  
Instinctively, she snatches her foot back from Jake, fingers digging into her own skin as she breathes through the jolts of anguish.  
  
Jake is instantly guilty, of course, and hovers around her uncertainly for a moment as he tries to make her feel better without hurting her further.  
  
"Shh, sh- it's okay, hey, _hey-"_ he reaches for her face, nearly freaking out when his palm touches a tear. He hates himself but it drives him to comfort her even _more—_  he proceeds to act on instinct.  
  
Stupidly, that instinct is to _kiss her on the forehead._ It's only a quick, simple peck, but. The whole situation goes from painful to _weird._  
  
They both freeze.  
  
"Sorry. Nana used to do that whenever Gina and I got hurt," he leans back, rubbing the back of his neck. "But we were five, and I realize now that you're _not_ five-"  
  
"It's okay," Amy purses her lips, heat in her cheeks overtaking the provoked ache in her foot. "That did make me feel better."  
  
A part of her, wants Jake to hurt her more so he'll kiss her again, but the very thought alone makes her seem masochistic as ever, so she keeps her mouth shut.  
  
Jake's too scared to touch her foot now, examining it deeply. He prods it gently, making Amy wince in pain each time. His face scrunches up with worry as he becomes aware that Amy's foot's much more swollen than it should be at this point in her recovery.  
  
"You haven't healed much- and I think you're getting _worse._ Amy, what have you been doing? You're supposed to be way better by now."  
  
He looks so guilty, like it's somehow his fault even though Amy knows that she's been aggravating her injury of her own accord, taking _great pains_ to hide her _great pain._  
  
"No, Jake— this is because..." she takes a deep breath. "Well, I _have_ been doing one too many chores lately-"  
  
"WHAT?!" Jake looks livid, and it concerns her how much she enjoys seeing this display. "Amy, who's been forcing you to do chores? You shouldn't be doing anything!"  
  
Amy swallows her guilt but it quickly lumps up at the back of her throat again. "No one- it's just the usual chores I'm always supposed to do."  
  
Jake puts two and two together, his entire face falling in disappointment.  
  
_"No one knows you're injured."_  
  
She nods, not looking as she hears him get up, pacing back and forth angrily. She no longer enjoys it because she can tell he's about to be very mad at her.  
  
"Why haven't you- are you _hiding_ your sprain from your family?"  
  
There's disbelief in his words, which is unsurprising because Amy knows how bad an idea hiding her injury from her family has been. Even her back is still straining from pulling weeds in the garden yesterday, let alone the _hell_ her foot's been put through.  
  
"I- I can't let my mom find out," she begins to cautiously explain. "And my brothers might tattle on me."  
  
Jake sighs, thick and heavy, sitting back down on his chair in defeat.  
  
"Heck, _I'm_ tempted to tattle on you right now," he shakes his head. "I'm not going to, but why can't you let your mom find out?"  
  
"She'll just-" Amy groans. "Make it into a _huge_ deal, and knowing her she'll make me stay home from school-"  
  
" _School._ " Jake huffs, but it's more light-hearted now. "Should've known."  
  
He gets up now, looking determined.  
  
"Okay, change of plan. No more kinky foot rubs-" she nearly laughs, biting her lip as she watches him. "I'm going to treat your crappy foot. Where's your first-aid kit?"  
  
Amy points, prompting Jake to spin around in that same direction. "Top shelf, you see it?"  
  
He does, reaching for it immediately with a tight-lipped chuckle. " _Of course_ you have a first-aid kit in your own room."  
  
She rolls her eyes. "Whatever, it pays to be prepared."  
  
"Only if you actually _use_ the damn thing. Be honest- you weren't planning on 're-dressing' your foot, were you?"  
  
She averts her gaze. "There's no time."  
  
"You just take off the dressing when you reach home and put it on again at school, huh?"  
  
She keeps mum, because he's absolutely right.  
  
He tuts, and it's a grating sound because for once, he has the moral high ground.  
  
"Should we move to the bed?" She deflects to make the situation less about her negligence and lies.  
  
"Uh... why?" He looks more uncomfortable than she expects him to be.  
  
"Won't it be easier there? Plus, my bed's _really_ comfortable, much more so than _yours_ ," she emphasizes teasingly.  
  
"I know," he groans, and that perplexes Amy.  
  
"Wait- how would you _know?_ "  
  
His eyes widen now. "Uh, just kidding, I don't. At all. Know how your bed feels like."  
  
She ignores his weirdness, and is just confused as to why he doesn't agree to the suggestion to move to her bed immediately. Her bed has more space, definitely more so than her cluttered (albeit organized) desk. Jake's currently balancing the first-aid kit precariously on his lap. On her bed, they won't have to worry about the entire box falling to the ground.  
  
Jake shrugs. "It's- it's no big deal, yeah, let's move to your bed. Just thought you wanted to do your homework."  
  
She giggles, grabbing her homework and quickly hopping over to her bed on her uninjured foot.  
  
"I still am!"  
  
Jake follows her with an accompanying chortle. He agonizes over how Amy has no idea whatsoever just how cute she's being. It's a level of cute that majorly messes with his mind, and he can barely handle it.  
  
He starts treating her foot, very very very very gently, carefully rubbing antiseptic cream into a cut he finds (and gives her a look for having), as well as pain-relieving gel into affected areas of her ankle.  
  
She's never seen him approach a task this delicately, with so much concentration. She's enamored by the display, and she can't tear her unabashed gaze away from his hands.  
  
Uh, not because they look _nice,_ or _strong_ in any manner, she's just fascinated by- uh.  
  
_Shut up, don't shame her._  
  
Amy completely loses focus on her homework. Her eyes only watch Jake, her mind only processes Jake, and her skin only senses his touch.  
  
She's mute to everything else.  
  
After expertly wrapping her foot in gauze, he even finds an ankle guard in Amy's first-aid kit that he then helps her put on.  
  
"I didn't even know that was in there," she remarks, her ankle feeling marginally better supported.  
  
"It's a very thorough first-aid kit," he replies, gently patting her on the knee, "wouldn't have expected anything less from you."  
  
She stiffens at his touch, not because he makes her feel _uncomfortable_ but more so because he puts her on edge. Again, it's not the sort of _edge_ that's angry, or annoyed.  
  
_His touch-_ it burns her. Not just _where_ he touches her (on her knee, where his hand still is), but in other deeper crevices of her body. Amy burns and she burns and she loves the scorch his hand brings, despite being a mere friendly brush.  
  
"Thank you," she manages to squeeze her gratitude out, her brain incapable of saying anything else.  
  
He shrugs, and in doing so removes his hand from her lap. It makes her yearn, just for a moment.  
  
"Yeah, you're welcome," he looks at a loss, like he's overstayed his welcome. She wants to tell him he hasn't, and that she wants nothing more than for him to stay. Suddenly, the prospect of him being gone makes the upcoming loneliness feel unbearable.  
  
"I should leave," he clears his throat, looking unwilling.  
  
"Yeah, you should," she agrees, despite not actually agreeing, and feeling _just_ as unwilling about his departure.  
  
"You still have homework to do anyway," he grins now, tapping the blank spaces on her book. "Too busy staring at my handsome face, huh?"  
  
He's absolutely right, but she doesn't give him that pleasure of knowing so. Instead, she rolls her eyes like she always does.  
  
"Shut up, it had _nothing_ to do with your face."  
  
Because it had _everything_ to do with his _hands._ But to be fair, his face is one worth staring at too.  
  
Amy feels confused now.  
  
"Uh-" she begins again, because it's uncomfortably silent, and Jake laughs to fill the gaps.  
  
"I should leave."  
  
"You should leave."  
  
He doesn't move.  
  
" _Just-_ " he points to Amy's foot, bandaged and snug in an ankle guard to boot. "Don't take that off. If you want to hide it just wear long socks or baggy jeans, since you love _lying_ so much."  
  
She chuckles, nodding. He teases her but there's a seriousness behind his voice. "I will."  
  
He gets up, "then my work here is done," he declares.  
  
"See you tomorrow," she bids, turning towards him. "Thanks again, for the free healthcare."  
  
"Nah, it was fun playing _doctor_ ," he winks, and Amy blushes again, something he catches onto.  
  
He steps back into her space, and Amy's heart goes jittery in anticipation.  
  
"Maybe... just before I go..."  
  
He gives her one last thing, and it's not _first-aid care_ , or _medical advice_ , but a kiss.  
  
His fingers clutch her face as he moves in. It's gentle, and chaste, and nothing like they've ever done before.  
  
Their kisses are rough around the edges, desire, _claim_ , possession.  
  
This kiss... that Jake presses against her so _softly-_ it's kind. It's loving. It's giving, _healing,_ and most of all, it's slow.  
  
He's never kissed her this slow.  
  
But still, it takes her breath away.  
  
When he pulls away, Amy's all too aware of her rapidly pumping heart. It's beating _so_ hard and fast, very much on par with the times Jake kissed her like the world was ending. Which can't be the case, _shouldn't_ be the case- he just kissed her in what can be described as the most light-hearted manner. Rightfully, her heart should be thumping at an _even_ pace, the _healthy_ heart rate an eighteen year old girl should possess.  
  
Does she have heart problems now? Did a _valve_ narrow in there?  
  
She can't breathe too well either, so maybe her lungs are collapsing in on themselves and she'll be dead in under a weak.  
  
As much as she tries to deny it, Amy knows her current condition isn't health-related, having everything to do with the boy that stands in front of her.  
  
He smiles now, but it's not the one he always gets when he's messing with her, or joking around.  
  
So she _dismisses_ the thought that he's messing with her, or joking around.  
  
His hand goes back to where it had been on her cheek, and for a moment Amy thinks Jake might just kiss her again.  
  
He caresses her cheek with his fingers, brushing his thumb against her skin affectionately.  
  
"Get well soon," he says, and then his fingers are off her face and she's burning again. This time, the burn stretches to her ears and feels like a broiling fire.  
  
She doesn't say a word, and out her door does Jake Peralta walk.  
  
Amy clutches her face as the door slams shut, biting her lips that still remember the feeling of Jake's against them.  
  
She nearly _screams,_ completely recognizing what these feelings are now that Jake is gone, and she hates herself for being so _stupid._  
  
She's stupid, because these feelings are _feelings_. Real, _honest to god,_ feelings.  
  
She represses a scream, choosing to bury her face into one of her pillows.  
  
Someone has a crush on Jake Peralta.  
  
And it's _her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boom boom boom boom goes the dynamite
> 
> pls shower me with love and affection


	7. i'm too busy loving you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i just want to thank you all for being so incredibly kind to me-- i know i don't seem as appreciative as i am but i seriously love (and cry over) each and every comment i get, you're all lovely 
> 
> also i have a lot of things i need to apologize for in this chapter but more on that later

**AMY'S HOUSE, 1933 HOURS, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK**  
  
Who's the biggest idiot in the world?  
  
The results will be revealed... _after the break._

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S HOUSE, 1933.5 HOURS, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK (BACK FROM THE BREAK)**  
  
Okay. It's Jake. DUH.  
  
His heart threatens to leap out of his chest as he stands just right outside of Amy's door, which he has shut _firmly_ for the purposes of this massive freak out session.  
  
Because he's an idiot. As previously mentioned, the biggest idiot in the world on top of that.  
  
His fingers curl into white-knuckled fists as he revisits his (STUPID!!!) actions.  
  
Firstly, he, Jake Peralta, Son of Karen Peralta (and also Roger Peralta, but that's not important), thought it was a _fantastic_ idea to visit Amy Santiago after not seeing her for- what was it? Oh yeah, _a few hours_.  
  
Because he's a pathetic loser who needs to see her face to breathe.  
  
(Also her voice. And her smile. And the scent of her hair. And a million other things that mentioning won't help matters at all.)  
  
And secondly, this idiot (him) told Amy Santiago that he missed her.  
  
_Who does that?!_  
  
"I missed you," isn't something you should say to your worst enemy (that admittedly, he hasn't seen her as for a while now).  
  
Worst of all, Jake _kissed_ her. Literally just a few seconds ago. This is the dumbest thing he's done today, everything before it can be excused because at least Amy didn't kick him out for doing what he did but then he had to go and _kiss her._  
  
What for? What was it for? He can't hide behind the excuse of practicing, or kissing her for fun _—_ since Jake clearly kissed Amy simply because he _wanted_ to.  
  
He prays that Amy won't make the (very obvious) connection between the kiss and his feelings for her, doesn't even _begin_ to consider the thought of her reciprocating his feelings.  
  
In his mind, it's just... not a possibility.  
  
With a heavy sigh and a (very anxious) heart, Jake begins a slow and heavy trudge down the stairs to leave Amy's house.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S STAIRS, 1935 HOURS, FUCK FUCK FUCK-- ERROR F0F: NOT ENOUGH FUCKS FOUND FOR THIS SITUATION, WE ARE IN A FUCK DEFICIT, A FUCKEFICIT, IF YOU WILL**  
  
The need to be sneaky _completely_ slips his mind, and his sloppiness is punished in the form of him coming face to face with Mrs Santiago as he reaches the first floor.  
  
He almost bumps into her, and when he realizes his mistake it's too late and he can only brace himself for the inevitable consequences of his poor decision making.  
  
"Jehovah!" She points, eyes wide like she's just seen a ghost.  
  
To his right, Jake observes a good few of Amy's brothers helping to set the table for dinner. Jake gulps in fear at the multiple horrible, possibly _violent_ ways this situation could end in.  
  
"Hey..." Jake gestures to the door with his thumb. "I was just leaving?"  
  
He hopes she'll just leave it at that but _—_ no such luck.  
  
"Diego!" She whips her head around, urgently prompting footsteps that nip over begrudgingly.  
  
Dread wells up in Jake- _clearly,_ Diego has a friend named Jehovah that Mrs Santiago's wrongly associated him with, and now she's going to find out what a big _liar_ Jake is.  
  
"What?"  
  
Jake _further_ panics when he realizes that 'Diego' is the brother that answered the door and let him in. _He knows Jake was here to see Amy._  
  
Jake is so busted.  
  
He wonders what the chances of him dying _right now_ on the spot are. Because he really wants to die, or disappear, or just _not_ be Jake at the moment.  
  
"Send your friend out, you greedy boy- how could you let him leave while you steal food before dinner's even ready?"  
  
Jake's still out of Diego's range of vision, which results in much confusion from the younger boy.  
  
"Ma, Jehovah left hours ago- _what are you-_ "  
  
He walks up defensively to his mother, and that's when Diego sees Jake.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S STAIRS, 1937 HOURS, HI- AND WELCOME TO SAVE-A-FUCK FOUNDATION DOT ORG. HERE AT SAVE-A-FUCK, WE ADVOCATE FOR FEWER FUCKS FOR A FUCK-FILLED FUTURE. SADLY, THERE EXISTS A FINITE NUMBER OF FUCKS IN THE WORLD FOR EVERYONE TO SHARE. EVERY TIME YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK, IT MEANS ONE MORE FUCK FOR SOMEONE ELSE. YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE- SAVE A FUCK TODAY FOR A MARGINALLY MORE FUCKED TOMORROW. THANK YOU. THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (PSA)**  
  
"Wait. Is this the dude you thought was Jehovah but _isn't_ Jehovah?" His eyes flicker in recognition. "Also _—_ aren't you the guy that came over to do homework with Amy?"  
  
Amy's mother's eyes flash with rage.  
  
"You said you were here to see my _son_ the last time!"  
  
Jake's heart pumps wildly in his chest, faster even than it's _ever_ pumped for Amy. Apparently, fear is stronger than love.  
  
"Sorry about that- I mix up gender all the time. Girl? Guy? Robot?" He chuckles dryly. "It all means _nothing_ to me. I just see gender-less blobs."  
  
Diego narrows his eyes, protectiveness flaring in his glare. "Why'd you lie about being Jehovah?"  
  
"Uh _—_ I didn't lie? My name... really _is_ Jehovah _—_ " he coughs, then looks at his wrist even though there isn't a watch there. Stupid theater instincts! "I have a curfew, so I gotta run..."  
  
Jake weasels his way past the mother and son, rushing out the door before anyone can call him back.  
  
As he pushes his way out the door, Jake can't believe his luck- he escaped that situation _alive._  
  
But he probably won't ever be able to return to Amy's house again.

 

* * *

   
**AMY'S ROOM, 1938 HOURS, FROZEN IN PLACE**  
  
Amy vaguely registers that she hasn't moved a _muscle_ since Jake shut the door a few minutes ago.  
  
She has no idea what this all means. What everything that's happened all means. Sure, she's figured out that she likes Jake (as evidenced by her stubbornly un-still heart), but besides that she knows close to nothing else.  
  
Does _he_ like her? Is this all just her being stupid? What did the kiss (that seemingly happened for no good reason) mean?  
  
On a whim, she whips her phone out and clicks on the internet app, going straight to google.  
  
_what does it mean when a boy kisses you_  
  
She pauses before clicking enter. That's a little vague...  
  
_what does it mean when your enemy who you keep getting cast with as lovers on stage kisses you but that's not the first time he kissed you because you two practice kissing and also you have a sprained ankle and he said get well soon after kissing you so maybe he only kissed you to be nice since you're injured?_  
  
She backspaces that entire entry because it's way, _way_ too specific and Amy knows that she's usually much better at looking up information on the internet than this; keywords, key phrases are important, but suddenly all her research skills feel completely irrelevant because this is a personal issue and she finds herself at a loss.  
  
_if a boy kisses you does that mean he lik_  
  
"Amy! Dinner!"  
  
She doesn't even get to finish that entry because her mother's calling her downstairs. She puts on a pair of baggy pants (as per Jake's suggestion) and carefully makes her way down.

 

* * *

   
  
**SANTIAGO DINING TABLE, 1941 HOURS, DINNER TIME**  
  
"I still don't get how you thought Amy's friend was Jehovah! I mean, Jehovah's _way_ cooler, he has a lip ring, and-"  
  
"Are you talking about your goth friend wannabe who wears _sleeve tattoos?"_ Amy scoffs as she takes her place next to Diego at the table.  
  
Diego frowns. "He's planning on getting _real ones_ when he's eighteen, okay, and he's way better than your Jehovah."  
  
Amy's brow furrows in response. "Uh- _my_ Jehovah?"  
  
"Yeah, the one that came over to do homework with you?"  
  
Amy realizes everything at once and nearly laughs at the ridiculousness of it all. Jake's tricked her family (or at least just Diego) into thinking his name's 'Jehovah', for reasons she's currently unsure of.  
  
"Oh-" she drifts, but then it dawns on her that Diego thinks his scrawny friend with the _stiff fringe_ and the _excessive eyeliner_ is _better looking_ than Jake. Immediately, she leaps to his defense.  
  
(Not because she thinks Jake is handsome... or cute, or _attractive_ in any way uh- she just thinks that Jehovah is _that_ unappealing.)  
  
"Come on, you can't seriously think your Jehovah's better than... _my Jehovah_."  
  
She nearly cringes at merely having to _say_ the name _—_ why Jake had to pretend to be named 'Jehovah' of all names is truly beyond her.  
  
"Name one thing cool about him," Diego challenges with his arms crossed.  
  
She almost points out the huge stain on his shirt- clearly Diego's been sneaking food from the kitchen again _—_ but this is more important; Jake is (objectively) way cuter than Jehovah, and she needs to prove her grubby-fingered brother wrong.  
  
"First off, your friend's not 'cool'. He's skinny and scrawny, and Jake isn't. Have you _seen_ his arms? Bet he could lift your friend like he's nothing."  
  
Amy smirks at Diego's dumbfounded face, too proud of her argument to realize her mistake.  
  
"Uh- wait... Jake?"  
  
Amy curses herself _—_ she's given the game away, whatever game Jake's been playing-- but really... does it matter that she's revealed who Jake is?  
  
She has nothing to hide (other than her feelings for him, and the multiple times they've kissed, _most recently_ in her room less than an hour ago).  
  
"Okay _—_ " she sighs, "Jake lied to you, and I don't know _why_ , but I'm glad you know because _—_ Jake's a way better name than _Jehovah_."  
  
Diego's slightly tongue-tied, but only for a moment.  
  
"Okay fine, you're right about the name thing but not the arms- I saw Jake, and he's no jock. There are tons of dudes with bigger and better muscles than him. Plus- Jehovah's arms are _lean_ , not skinny. He can bench press two hundred pounds, okay?"  
  
Amy rolls her eyes _—_ "I don't care how much you _think_ he can bench press, his skin is practically stuck to his bones. And just because Jake doesn't have steroid-pumped veins and stacks of gross muscles everywhere doesn't mean he isn't strong and well-built. He hides his arms behind all that plaid _—_ you just didn't get a proper look."  
  
Diego huffs, looking fumed. "Whatever, arms and build aren't everything. I can say for sure that Jehovah has better hair than Jake. It's much better styled-"  
  
"Oh _yes_ that emo haircut which went out of style years ago?" Amy cuts with a dry sarcasm. "So gorgeous, such a _great_ hair choice that he _definitely_ won't regret in a few years." Amy crosses her arms triumphantly in the face of Diego's brewing fury. "Jake has nice, short hair that _curls_  perfectly _—_ unlike Jehovah, he doesn't _straighten_ his hair every day."  
  
"Jake?" Their mother enters then, bringing hot roasted chicken from the oven. "Isn't Jake that kid from drama you're always complaining about?"  
  
Amy bites her lip. "Uh- kind of?"  
  
"Then why are you talking about him like he's your boyfriend?"  
  
Amy's face reddens. "He's not my _boyfriend_ , I'm just stating facts."  
  
"Nope," Diego refutes, more confident now that Amy's been taken down a peg by their mother, "you're just in denial that Jehovah's cooler than Jake because you're _in love with-_ "  
  
Amy punches Diego in the knee. "As if! _You're_ the one in love with your stupid friend."  
  
They get even deeper into their petty fight after that, and all their mother can do is sigh at her children's antics. They're young and in love, she supposes, and young love makes fools of us all.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S FRONT DOOR, 0740 HOURS, SLOWLY LEAVING FOR SCHOOL**  
  
"Aha!" Jake suddenly pops up from a nearby bush, scaring the living daylights out of Amy. She shrieks, momentarily, before realizing it's Jake, nearly falling over in shock were it not for Jake's hand reaching out to steady her.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She scream-whispers, trying to hide that she's incredibly happy to see him.  
  
He laughs, and he's so bright Amy can't believe Diego would ever consider him to pale at all in comparison to his goth-looking friend.  
  
_It's early in the morning and she wants to kiss Jake Peralta._  
  
"Well, I had a feeling you'd still _stubbornly_ lie to your family and continue to walk to school on your own, so I came by to see if you needed any help."  
  
She's touched, very touched, at his devotion.  
  
"So... you decided to stalk me?"  
  
He shrugs, looking torn about this accusation. "I mean..." he drawls, running his fingers through his short curly hair that Amy feels embarrassed for liking, "all I did was wait outside your house to see if you were walking to school on your own _or-_ if someone was accompanying you _—_   _oh my god I'm a stalker._ "  
  
She laughs, completely lets go and nearly throws her head back, and it makes him laugh too.  
  
She has no idea how much she _glows_ , how much he loves watching her light up. In his eyes, she's brighter than the morning sun.  
  
"It's okay, I forgive you for stalking me."  
  
"Thank _god_ ," Jake exaggerates, squeezing another giggle out of her, before moving behind Amy to confiscate her bag. She sees him wince slightly, and Amy feels guilty because she's carrying a hefty load to school today. On top of Jake's own bag, it can't be easy on his shoulders.  
  
"You really don't have to carry my stuff for me anymore, the ankle guard's really helping."  
  
She tries to reach back for her bag, but Jake grabs her hand and holds it away, lacing his fingers in between hers. He feels nice and warm, and Amy wants to kiss him again.  
  
"Don't even _think_ about it," he chides, shaking a disapproving finger at Amy. "This bag is mine until first period."  
  
"Fine," she acquiesces, then gestures to their still (rather clingily-held) hands. "Is this my punishment then?"  
  
"What? Oh-" Jake nods instinctively, but he seems to have just realized that he's still holding Amy's hand. "Yes, this _is_ your punishment _—_ for trying to carry your heavy bag despite being _super_ injured."  
  
Amy scoffs soundlessly. "I wouldn't consider a healing sprained ankle _super injured."_  
  
Jake shrugs, looking pained at having done so, because of his overly-burdened shoulders. "But I do-- so now you have to hold my hand _all the way to school_ and risk ruining your reputation all because you were being a bad girl."  
  
"Being a bad girl?" She snorts. "Ruining my reputation?"  
  
"Yes, because people might think that _you—_  a good, pure angel, are dating _me—_  a sexy demon bad boy."  
  
She cracks up at that. "You? A _sexy demon bad boy?_ "  
  
He cringes slightly, but sticks to his guns. "Yes- my reputation as a very _handsome_ , very _sexy_ badass will be threatened too."  
  
"Because I'm _such_ an angel?" She asks, batting her eyelashes.  
  
Jake narrows his eyes. "You're gonna use that against me somehow, I have a feeling... so _no-_ I mean like, a _nerdy_ angel. That always follows the rules. But yes, both our _high-standing_ reputations will go to crap, and that's why this is gonna hurt me as much as it will hurt you."  
  
Amy clutches her heart with her free hand. "And here I was thinking you had suddenly developed a _massive crush_ on me."  
  
She's really pushing it on this one, because she knows she wants Jake to say: _yes, he does have a massive crush on her, and he's holding her hand not to inadvertently make her crush on him get worse, but because he himself likes her, has a romantic interest in her._  
  
She regrets the playful tone she uses, but she's also grateful for the playful tone she uses.  
  
"Me? Have a crush on you? Psssssshhh _—_ " he seems flustered, but Amy doesn't notice. "Don't get your hopes up Santiago."  
  
She's a little hurt. A little. But she directs that pain into denying any of his insinuations.  
  
"Shut up, like I'd _ever_ have a crush on-"  
  
"Oh noooooo-" he interrupts her on purpose, pointing to their interlocked fingers-"is this making you fall in love with me?"  
  
"As if! You're- _falling in love with me._ "  
  
"Do you want me to fall in love with you?" He asks, and if Amy were to see his face she'd note how serious he looks about his question.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What? _Nothing-_ " he looks very panicked, and this is noticed by Amy.  
  
"Did you just say you're in love with me?"  
  
"NO-" he vehemently denies, but Amy's too hopeful to accept this immediately. "Look, okay... I'll prove it-"  
  
And before she can ask how he's going to prove he's not in love with her, his lips are on hers.  
  
She's immediately dizzy, and if she were carrying anything at all in her hands, she'd have dropped it to the ground. But instead, all she holds is his hand, which she feels pressed in between them as he keeps pressing his kiss against her lips.  
  
Right before the kiss goes on for too long, Jake pulls back and holds Amy's hand against his chest, and she's confused as to why. She's also a little annoyed because she wants to keep kissing Jake.  
  
"See?" He breathes, looking glazed. "If I were in love with you, or had any sort of crush on you, would my heart be normal like this?"  
  
"It's beating pretty fast to me," she disagrees, because his heart is _pounding_ against her hand. Amy tries not to think about how much she likes having her hand against his chest.  
  
Jake's jaw nearly drops, "uh-" he thinks, "that's because I'm _super_ unhealthy. And I'm carrying both our bags. Which is like... _exercise_. Besides that, this is how my normal heartbeat feels like."  
  
"You should see a doctor," she suggests, almost concerned.  
  
"Yeah, I'm probably going to die," he touches his lips. "Also, is that strawberry lip balm?"  
  
Amy nods, "yeah, the air felt dry this morning. Why-" she snickers, "do you like it?"  
  
"I kind of do--" he licks his lips--"it's tasty. You should wear it more-" he smirks, "so kissing you's more _bearable._ "  
  
Amy takes offense, even though she really shouldn't since he's _clearly_ joking. Just- something has her on edge, has her ticked off, and she's trying to convince herself that it's not related to Jake working so hard to prove he doesn't like her.  
  
"Really?" She huffs, "if kissing me's such a chore, then _quit the production_."  
  
"Hey," Jake looks at her, and she turns away. "Why are you so mad? Wait-- do _you_ like me?"  
  
"WHAT? NO!"  
  
His lips are spread in an incredibly wide smile, his eyes twinkling in delight. Amy mistakes it as mockery, and proceeds to deny his accusations as hard as she can.  
  
He shakes his head. "Nope, I don't believe you, you're super in love with me _—_ "  
  
Right before Jake starts _broadcasting_ this to the streets of New York, Amy pulls him back towards her.  
  
"Jake, stop it, I really don't like you," she insists, and she regrets pulling him so close to say this because he's staring at her, obnoxiously giving her a look.  
  
"Oh yeah? And how are you gonna prove it?" He taunts her, expecting her to hit him, or tell him to shut up, or some other equivalent.  
  
But Amy actually "proves" it.  
  
_By using the same method Jake did,_ which he fails to foresee coming even though he should have (boy is he an _idiot_ ).  
  
She quickly kisses him, taking care not to get carried away, making sure her kiss is shorter than his was, just to show how hard she's _not_ crushing on him.  
  
Like Jake had done, Amy now _presses his hand against her chest_ , desperately (and rather competitively) trying to prove that she _totally_ doesn't like him or love him.  
  
"See? My heart's going so slow-" _it's not, but Jake doesn't need to know that-_ "way slower than your- what's wrong?"  
  
Jake looks like he's just witnessed a murder.  
  
"Uh... I can't feel anything."  
  
Amy gets a smug look, which is the _wrong_ reaction, something she'll figure out in a few seconds: _give her time._  
  
"See? It's because it's going so slow-"  
  
"-can't _feel_ anything because your _huge boob_ is in the way _—_ " he inhales sharply, as if terrified but also agitated _—_ "Amy, my hand's on your-"  
  
"Oh!" Amy flinches, letting go of Jake's hand which he pulls away quickly. "Sorry."  
  
He shakes his head. "It's cool. I'm completely okay. Not at all affected."  
  
Amy nods, still kind of extremely embarrassed- there were a million better ways for Amy to let Jake feel her pulse, but she just had to copy his exact method, didn't she?  
  
Jake proceeds to gasp, and she looks up at him, her heart still beating so loudly she's worried she won't be able to hear a thing he'll say.  
  
"Although-" he smirks, "if that's your way of _seducing people,_ it did not work."  
  
Amy rolls her eyes. Why she has a crush on this idiot, she'll probably never know. "I wasn't trying to seduce you-"  
  
"Good, because it didn't work. I am not at all seduced, in fact I feel very _unseduced_."  
  
They keep walking, and it's quiet until Amy feels Jake slip his hand in hers again.  
  
She looks at him curiously.  
  
"Don't think you're getting out of your punishment just because you touched my hand with your boob."  
  
She titters slightly. "My plan completely failed."  
  
"I _know,"_ he teases, smiling at her.  
  
It's a relief no one sees them all the way to class, because they don't let go until right before they step through the door.

 

* * *

   
  
**AMY'S ROOM, 2020 HOURS, LOUNGING IN ROOM**  
  
The entire day goes by pretty uneventfully without anything new or noteworthy happening _—_ apart from Jake walking Amy to school (and everything that happened in between).  
  
Amy has to admit _—_ she's a little disappointed to know that Jake doesn't like her. It makes her want to get rid of her crush, but that's easier said than done.  
  
Her phone rings and she gets less disappointed when she sees Kylie's name on the screen. They haven't spoken in _weeks,_ the last time being before auditions had even started.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Oh god, Amy sweetie, I'm so sorry for blowing you off, things have been so busy," she apologizes before Amy can even get out a proper greeting.  
  
Amy sighs. It truly has only been a few weeks. But she's had the craziest time, and if she were to write it all out... like in a book or something... it would probably amount to about _—_ thirty three thousand words? More or less, she predicts.  
  
"Oh, it's okay," she assures Kylie, nervously fiddling with her pen. "Rehearsal's been keeping me busy too. Actually, I sprained my ankle so I'm out from rehearsal for about... a week? Two?"  
  
Kylie gasps, long and sharp which is not a reaction Amy finds surprising. She's usually careful, and Kylie tends to fuss over Amy a ton whenever she gets injured.  
  
"Who hurt you! I swear, when I get my hands on-"  
  
"No one's been hurting me-" Amy cuts in before Kylie gets too carried away being overprotective. "I fell down from a prop because I was being stupid."  
  
"You were being stupid?"  
  
Amy exhales. "Fine, I was being competitive-"  
  
"Ah, okay. That I believe. Let me guess- Jake did something, made you get all riled up and driven to beat him?"  
  
Amy can't breathe, too shaken by Kylie's accuracy.  
  
"How... how did you know?"  
  
"I mean... this happens like every year, every production? His cockiness is something you used to complain about all the time. But really, we all know you just want his _co-_ "  
  
"DO NOT SAY WHAT YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY!"  
  
Kylie laughs, and Amy blushes very hard because if she decides to be completely honest with Kylie, she can already foresee all the jokes she's going to make, and Amy knows she's not going to survive through Kylie's merciless teasing.  
  
"Anyway let me guess again- you've still been going to school because you've been hiding your injury from your mom?"  
  
Amy nods, which Kylie can't see, so she says "yes,", sighing in anticipation of Kylie's nagging. She's not as surprised Kylie's guessed this right, because this isn't the first injury Amy's hidden from her mother so she can get away with secretly attending school.  
  
"Seriously, not telling your mom and trying to act like everything's fine is just gonna extend your 'sick leave' from the stage. And that means you won't get to see your lover. I mean, _stage_ lover."  
  
"Actually..." Amy hums- "I'm not aggravating my injury that much. Not anymore."  
  
Kylie scoffs. "And what makes you think that?"  
  
"Jake-"  
  
_"Oh my god this is gonna be good."_  
  
Amy heaves, she can't believe she's telling Kylie this but-  
  
"He's been walking me to every class."  
  
"Holy fuck."  
  
"-and back home after school."  
  
"Holy fuck."  
  
"And as of yesterday... from home to school in the mornings."  
  
"Holy... okay _fuck_ there's something else you're not telling me. _A lot_ something else you're not telling me."  
  
Amy groans, leaning back into her desk chair. "Do I have to?" She complains, like an idiot.  
  
"You don't have a choice. Spill all the deets. If anything sexual happened _elaborate,_ don't skip over."  
  
Amy clutches her face in embarrassment. "Nothing sexual- okay no _sex_ happened."  
  
She hears some ruffling on Kylie's end of the phone, like she's sitting down. "Oh my god this is going to be even better than I think it even is, isn't it?"  
  
Amy gets up, limping from her desk to her bed because she's definitely not getting anymore studying done today.  
  
"I don't-" she hesitates as she gets settled in her bed. "I don't even know where to start."  
  
"From the beginning, _duh_. Like- you and Jake got cast as lovers again didn't you?"  
  
Amy takes a very very deep breath. An _unnecessarily_ deep breath, and it almost annoys Kylie.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"HAH! Called it! But there's more to it, right? Something that triggered this sudden... _whatever you're about to tell me."_  
  
"We have to kiss in the play."  
  
"FUCK. NO FUCKING WAY."  
  
Amy purses her lips. If Kylie's already reacting like this to the mere _notion_ of Jake and Amy kissing, how's she going to react to everything else Amy's about to tell her?  
  
"Okay so," Kylie exhales, failing to regulate her breathing patterns. "Have ya done the deed yet? Have you two smooched? Kissed? Did the nasty tango of tongues?"  
  
Amy covers her (very warm) face with her hands. She can't believe this is her best friend.  
  
"Nasty tango of tongues?"  
  
"Yes, now no more stalling _—_ have you _kissed_ him?"  
  
Amy takes a deep breath. "Multiple times, yes."  
  
She hears Kylie's phone fall from a height in a clutter. It nearly makes her laugh.  
  
"That's... that's..."  
  
"I'm not finished. Most of the times we've kissed _—_   _not even on stage_."  
  
Amy actually does laugh when she hears Kylie toss her phone across the room in response. Really, Kylie's one of the most dramatic people she'll ever know, especially for someone who's never actually done theater. But also knowing Kylie, she'd never truly hurt her phone, so Amy knows she's flung her mobile at a pillow or couch, something cushioned, basically.  
  
Seconds later, she hears Kylie's footsteps approach and pick up her phone.  
  
"Explain... _everything."_  
  
Amy giggles to herself, because Kylie sounds like she's just finished a forty mile marathon, rather than a four step walk. It's the exhilaration of the situation that's got her out of breath though, not any actual physical exertion.  
  
"Okay so... the day of the rehearsal when we were first supposed to kiss- Jake and I decided to practice first so we didn't embarrass ourselves and/or get yelled at by Holt."  
  
"Of course-" Kylie says, and her tone is grating because she's so very clearly insinuating _—_   _something._  
  
"And well, it was kinda awkward at first but then we started getting into it? Like it was good, an _actual_ good kiss..."  
  
Amy sighs, and Kylie's chortling in glee.  
  
"Okay you know what, gimme a sec _—_ " she puts the phone down and from the sounds Amy hears Kylie's left to get something. She hears chewing noises. "Okay, back- continue."  
  
Amy scrunches her nose in thought, and then comes to a conclusion. "Are you eating popcorn?"  
  
"I kind of _have_ to now, this is some next level crap you're telling me."  
  
"This isn't a movie, Kylie."  
  
"I know, it's the start of a por-"  
  
Amy burns in embarrassment. "Shut up!"  
  
"Only if you keep telling me about what's been going on between you and Mr _Actual Good Kisser-_ "  
  
"Fine _—_ okay so we were interrupted by Charles knocking on the door telling us to get on stage."  
  
"I hate Charles," Kylie grinds, "I want to _find him_ and _murder him._ "  
  
"He was telling us to get on stage _for the kiss scene_."  
  
" _On second thought,_ I am now madly in love with this Charles person and would _love_ to send him a fruit basket. What's his number? Can he be my best friend instead of you?"  
  
Amy rolls her eyes, but it's full of fondness.  
  
"Whatever _—_ okay so when Jake and I got on stage Holt had left for something and everyone from the club tricked us into thinking we still had to kiss. It was super awkward; our kiss was super awkward... Everyone booed us."  
  
Kylie stuffs her mouth with more popcorn at this. "Mean!"  
  
"I know, right? Anyway, that's how Jake convinced me we needed to practice kissing... a little while _after_ we made out again in the dressing room."  
  
"Honestly _—_ it seems to me like the two of you need to make your kiss less _super sexual_ , not less awkward."  
  
Amy gasps, "that's what he said! Kind of. I think."  
  
"Nice," Kylie laughs. "So how did this little secret kissing practice plan go _horribly wrong_ for the both of you?"  
  
"It did not go horribly _wrong-_ "  
  
Kylie keeps quiet, just keeps snacking, as if she's just waiting for Amy to crack.  
  
"-okay _fine_ it did a little at first."  
  
"Interesting _—_ elaborate please."  
  
"We..." Amy bites her lip. "Almost did it."  
  
This time, Amy's pretty sure Kylie's _shoved_ her phone into her popcorn, burying it deep. Nearly a full minute passes before she retrieves her phone again.  
  
"SPILL."  
  
"We were on his bed _—_ and I suggested doing homework there at first. We did a ton of things to stall. And when we finally got around to it... we decided to _read_ our lines and only start kissing when we got to the scene and-- things got heavy and one thing led to another _—_ "  
  
"How the hell did you wind up not _actually_ doing it with him?"  
  
"Phone rang."  
  
"Technology is the worst. Why were phones even invented?"  
  
Amy snorts in disbelief. "Kylie, we're _talking_ on the phone."  
  
"Fine... technology is partially forgiven. But whoever interrupted you is a dick."  
  
"Yeah anyway, we took precautions and the kissing practices went on... normally after that."  
  
Kylie snorts- "I don't believe you for a _second_ but you'll crack about every single kissing session soon enough."  
  
"There won't be much to tell-" Amy lies, "we haven't had a kissing session since I got injured."  
  
"Bummer."  
  
"But..." Amy sighs, "he came with me to the hospital."  
  
"Because he's in love with you."  
  
"Shut up! He's not in love with me," Amy frowns at the thought because Jake literally tried to prove that this morning. "But yeah... he took me home too, although I can't remember most of that because I was on painkillers."  
  
Kylie bursts out laughing.  
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
"You really don't know, do you?" She pauses to explain. "You get _super horny_ when you're drugged up on painkillers."  
  
"Oh no."  
  
Amy's heart stops. She's on the verge of freaking out, her mind running wild with all the ways she could have completely embarrassed herself.  
  
"Yup _—_ " Kylie smacks her lips, licking her fingers with relish _—_ "you don't just become a bit of a pervert, you're a _terrifying_ pervert. Practically a sexual predator."  
  
"Maybe _—_ " she heaves nervously _—_ "I didn't do anything? I mean, Jake just made a bunch of jokes and didn't tell me what actually happened so maybe nothing noteworthy did?"  
  
Kylie hums, "whatever helps you sleep at night _—_ just out of curiosity, what sort of jokes did he make?"  
  
"Uh-" Amy clears her throat, "he, he claimed I stole his virginity _—_ "  
  
Kylie makes a restrained shrieking noise.  
  
"But he's clearly joking! I'm _pretty sure_ he's not a virgin."  
  
"And I'm _pretty sure_ -" Kylie cuts in, "that he'd let you take it away if he was."  
  
"Whatever, he doesn't like me like that."  
  
"How are you so sure? Do _you_ like him?"  
  
Amy groans. "...yes. And I hate him for it."  
  
Kylie pretends to cry, or she's really crying, Amy isn't sure.  
  
"How'd you realize? This is so precious."  
  
"He... came by yesterday to see me and make sure I was okay..."  
  
"Awwwwwww _—_ " Kylie coos-"someone cares about you."  
  
"He said he came because he missed me, and basically- he kissed me before leaving and I caught feelings."  
  
Kylie chokes on laughter, "and that made you conclude that he definitely doesn't like you?"  
  
Amy's voice quivers. "It's- well I was _hoping,_ but then when we were walking to school together-"  
  
"Oh yes, him going _out of his way_ to wake up early, wait outside your house, that's _definitely_ a sign that he hates your guts."  
  
"No _—_ " she huffs, "I kind of indirectly- _directly_ asked him if he liked me and he said he didn't, so _—_ "  
  
"Maybe he's a coward?"  
  
Amy shrugs. "I mean, he went _pretty far_ to prove he doesn't like me so-"  
  
Kylie snickers. "Okay, I'll play _—_ what did he do?"  
  
"He kissed me-"  
  
"Oh yes! That is the universal, _foolproof_ way to show someone you don't-"  
  
"I'm not finished!" Amy exasperates. "Anyway- he made me feel his heartbeat to prove that kissing me makes him feel nothing."  
  
"How- I'm having trouble understanding the logic of this. How would you know if it was faster than usual? Do you _regularly_ take his pulse?"  
  
"No, but-" Amy's confused. "Why would he lie?"  
  
Kylie scoffs. "Okay- did you _tell him_ you like him?"  
  
"Of course not, he just told me he didn't like me!"  
  
Kylie sighs. "Amy, sweetie, I love you and you're very intelligent but- you are the _dumbest_ person on this planet right now."

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1521 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
It feels a little strange being back in the theater, but at the same time, Amy finds it's like being back home, in a way.  
  
The only thing that has her on edge is her feelings for Jake. Holt just informed them that they're rehearsing the kiss scene today, so everyone else excluding Holt, Jake, and Amy have to move from the theater to the multi-purpose room in about two hours.  
  
In the meantime, Amy has this compulsion to talk to someone about her feelings for Jake. Despite Kylie's insistence, she doesn't believe that Jake likes her back.  
  
Plus, it's not like Kylie _knows_ Jake, so Amy thinks she should talk to someone that knows Jake better than Kylie does.  
  
Heck, better than _Amy_ does.  
  
She finds that exact person texting rapidly on her phone walk past the dressing room, and stops her.  
  
"Hey, Gina. I need to talk to you."  
  
Gina doesn't even look up from her phone.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
Amy just drags her into the dressing room and locks the door, following which Gina puts her phone in her pocket, a knowing look on her face.  
  
"Lemme guess- you and Jake are having problems and you need me to teach you how to kiss?"  
  
Amy lurches back. "What? No- I know how to kiss! I've read-"  
  
Gina shrugs. "Whatever you say. Anyway- what's going on, hun? I need to get to the control room."  
  
Amy sighs, and spills her entire heart out to Gina.

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1548 HOURS, CONTROL ROOM**  
  
"Where've you been?" Rosa asks, sounding nonchalant but looking worried. "You said you were heading up nearly thirty minutes ago."  
  
"Rosie, you owe me five bucks."  
  
Rosa groans. This means that Gina's won one of their bets.  
  
"Which one?" She asks drearily, reaching for her wallet.  
  
"Amy just 'fessed up and told me she likes Jake. Went on about it for a _long_ time. It's pretty juicy though, didn't expect to hear some of the things she did."  
  
Rosa raises her brows. She has to admit, she's a little surprised  because she thought Amy would come to her.  
  
"Sweetie don't cry _—_ " Gina coos as she strokes Rosa's hair _—_ "she came to me because I've known Jake forever."  
  
Rosa rolls her eyes, because she's not crying at all. "Yeah, _don't care_. Just want my five bucks back."  
  
Gina quickly slips the money into her bra, pushing Rosa's outstretched hand away. "You're not getting that back, unless you wanna go poking around in me," she adds, with a wink.  
  
Rosa turns away. "Or I could just win the other five."  
  
She's referring to the Jake version of that bet. Basically, if Jake tells Gina he likes Amy, Gina gets five dollars from Rosa _—_ but if Jake tells Rosa he likes Amy, Rosa gets five dollars from Gina.  
  
"God _—_ " Gina groans _—_ "don't think either one of us is gonna get that sweet dough."  
  
"I mean _—_ " Gina continues, huffing as she sits in a neighboring chair _—_ "we've known each other _forever_ , we basically tell each other everything. I even told him about my crush on y-"  
  
Gina cuts herself off, and Rosa regrets not listening more closely.  
  
"Your crush on who?"  
  
" _No one,"_ Gina looks away. "Anyway- him not telling me about his feelings for Amy? _Betrayal_."  
  
Rosa snorts. "Maybe he just doesn't have a crush on Amy."  
  
They laugh for five straight minutes at that.

 

* * *

   
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1721 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Jake and Amy awkwardly watch as basically the entire club files out of the place because it's almost time for them to rehearse their kiss scene (which they have not done in a while; they're both nervous, but would never admit to being so).  
  
As Holt had previously explained, the reason why he wants everyone else to move to the multi-purpose room when Jake and Amy rehearse for their kiss scene is because he finds that the club (Charles) gets much too distracted (Charles) even just by the announcement (Charles) that Holt wants to go through that scene that day.  
  
He finds that it's best since everyone will make too much of a ruckus if present, and no progress will be made in any of the departments (be it props, set, costumes...)  
  
But still. It feels weird.  
  
"Is it just me or does it seem kinda pervy of Holt to lock everyone out so he can watch us kiss all by himself?"  
  
Amy shrugs, eyes widening when she sees Holt walk up to them, having heard every word Jake said.  
  
"Is that so Peralta? Perhaps I should invite everyone else back in?"  
  
Jake sputters, trying desperately to save face.  
  
"Uh, I-"  
  
Holt shakes his head. "And I had thought this arrangement was making you more _comfortable_ with the situation. Since it has had the opposite effect, maybe we should fill up the audience seats. Should I ask Charles to bring a camera and film everything too?"  
  
Jake shakes his head profusely. "No, no, this is perfect _—_ " he grabs Amy's hand and leads her up stage _—_ "we'll just- _start kissing now._ No need to call anyone in!"  
  
Holt takes his seat.  
  
"Whenever you're ready."  
  
Perhaps it's the haste of it all, or Holt's thinly-veiled threats that do it, but Jake and Amy's heads are free from unnecessary nervousness or tension by the time they get on stage.  
  
They follow the blocking of the scene, and everything is the same _—_ except the kiss.  
  
When Jake (stage) kisses Amy this time, it's not awkward, or too charged, or off in any manner.  
  
It's absolutely perfect. It's the gentle, chaste kiss the script called for.  
  
It also happens to feel oddly familiar, _exactly_ like the kiss Jake laid on her that evening he visited, the one that made Amy's heart pump so hard she realized her feelings for him.  
  
Amy's breath is taken away when Jake pulls away _—_ both on a professional level and a personal level.  
  
Holt calls for the end of the scene, and beckons Jake and Amy over.  
  
"I am... incredibly proud of the both of you."  
  
He goes on, and on and on, about how Jake and Amy have done brilliantly and greatly exceeded his expectations. He sings praises about how much the two of them have grown as actor and actress _—_ how it's been an honor to watch and mold their talent. They've come far, further than he's ever seen them before.  
  
It's basically the highest praise either of them have received from Holt; something they've both craved to hear for years.  
  
But neither of them are happy to hear it, strangely. Not even Amy.  
  
Because _—_  
  
"I guess this means we don't have to practice kissing anymore, huh?"  
  
Which is how Jake and Amy's secret kissing practice sessions come to a grinding halt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOPS NO MORE KISSING PRACTICE OH NOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> but yeah i'm mostly sorry for being a huge idiot? like if u saw the headers this chapter you'll know i'm on a whole new level of stupid. . .... (save-a-fuck foundation is not real sadly)
> 
> also i hope?? that you guys enjoyed kylie and amy's phone call? i'm worried because it's largely a rehash of what you guys already know but well
> 
> either way hope u all liked this chapter it's 6.9k words which ;) (pls tell me what u think)


	8. she's a first class liar, a constant forgetter

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM, 1526 HOURS, "SET SAFETY BRIEFING"**  
  
"What's this for?" Jake asks as he shuffles into the room behind Charles, with Amy following closely behind them.  
  
"Holt told me to give a briefing on being safe on set to prevent future accidents such as Amy's," Charles offhandedly explains as he loads up the projector and his laptop, opening a PowerPoint presentation.  
  
"Then shouldn't everyone be here?" Amy asks, suspicions arising due to the mysterious circumstances.  
  
" _Nope_ , the two of you are the priority. I mean, no one else in the cast does anything potentially dangerous for the play."  
  
Jake and Amy accept this, naively, because Charles is right. Besides, they don't have any scenes at the moment, because Holt's busy discussing some (presumably) important matters with Terry. Being here won't be disruptive in any manner.  
  
"Fine," Jake sits on the floor, prompting Amy to do the same. "I'll stay _—_ but you gotta _promise_ this won't be boring."  
  
Charles smirks at that. "Oh trust me you two _—_ this is going to be _very_ interesting indeed."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM, 1634 HOURS, "SET SAFETY _—_ YEAH RIGHT, THEY GOT FOOLED, DUH"**  
  
"And in conclusion, that is why the two of you should get married on a farm as soon as possible." Charles takes a bow. "Thank you."  
  
Jake and Amy are in... well _shock_ is a word for it.  
  
"That... wasn't about safety on the set at all _—_ " Jake comments, sighing. "Really Charles?"  
  
Charles takes offense at this. "Hey! I clearly outlined how accidents in the theater can be easily avoided _—_ provided the two of you sign a marriage certificate. _On a farm_."  
  
"Yeah, but that makes no sense!" Jake argues.  
  
"Having a spouse can make one more careful about the actions they take!"  
  
Jake rolls his eyes. "Well, it was stupid, and Amy and I are not getting married." He turns to Amy. "What do you think?"  
  
"Charles, this may just be the PowerPoint enthusiast in me but _— I am so attracted to you right now_."  
  
"WHAT?!" Jake exclaims, unnecessarily upset over Amy's reaction to Charles' presentation. "He just gave us an hour long presentation on why _WE_ should get married, and you're attracted to _HIM_?"  
  
Amy shrugs, in a trance. "I don't know it's just- the _organization_ , the details, the accurate usage of pie charts and bar graphs where _necessary-_ "  
  
"I mean, it wasn't even _that_ good a presentation!" Jake interrupts in objection. "It had _sixty eight_ slides _—_ " he glares at Charles _—_ "you could have easily made it sixty nine slides, but you _didn't!"_  
  
Under any other circumstances, Charles would've burst into tears immediately under Jake's incredibly harsh criticism. But right now, he only smiles.  
  
"Jake, if you don't want to marry Amy, then why do you care?"  
  
"I don't! And I didn't say I don't want to marry Amy, I just said that we weren't gonna do that!"  
  
"Wait-" Amy's head whips around to look at Jake, her attention completely snatched by his words. "So does that mean you want to marry me?"  
  
Jake realizes his mistake, and he flusters in denial.  
  
"No! I mean- a little? Like- the _tax benefits_ sounded pretty good, the economy's going to crap so I could really use-"  
  
"Oh yeah, great job with the slides on taxation Charles, they were well-argued and compelling-"  
  
"Hey!" Jake interjects (jealously) as he tugs on Amy's sleeve to get her attention back. "I was talking to you."  
  
Amy nearly rolls her eyes. "Jake, I don't need to marry you to get tax benefits-- and if tax benefits are all there is to you as a husband?" She crosses her arms. "Doesn't make you seem like a catch."  
  
Jake gasps, offended and loud. "How dare you! I would make a _fantastic_ husband. You _wish_ you could marry me."  
  
Amy scoffs, arms still crossed as ever. "Oh yeah? What makes you such _fantastic_ husband material Jake? What would _you do_ that would make me say 'I do'?"  
  
"Jake, wash her hair," Charles mutters under his breath, quietly enough that neither of the two catches what he says. He's too engrossed in watching everything unfold before his very eyes to properly interfere.  
  
"I'd..." Jake's brows scrunch in thought. "I'd make you breakfast in bed _everyday_."  
  
Amy outright laughs at this, mocking his claims. "You can't even wake up on time for _school_ , what makes you think you'll be able to wake up to make me breakfast every morning?"  
  
"My deep love and devotion as a hus-"  
  
"No."  
  
Jake relents. "Okay fine _—_ " he ponders over this, smirking at his next thought _—_ "I'll make sweet, sweet love to you _—_ but only if you ask nicely."  
  
Charles nearly faints, but continues to hold himself together. This is too important, and far too good, so he has to let it play out, no matter how overwhelming it feels to witness.  
  
Jake chuckles- he's half joking, or completely joking, or not joking at all _—_ this is something no one knows for sure, not even Jake.  
  
He covers up how much he's screaming inside by acting casual and winking to make it seem like it's all just a big (casual) joke, yet another (casual) attempt to tease and mess with Amy.  
  
Who, by the way, is not taking his words very casually. How did he go from _'breakfast in bed'_ to _'sweet, sweet love (upon formal request)'?_ She struggles to breathe, but tries her best to hide how much this affects her.  
  
"I-" she exhales, trying to sound exasperated rather than aroused. "I'll have to ask _nicely_?"  
  
He nods, with a glint in his eyes that Amy's certain will haunt her pre-slumber activities for days to come. "And by ask nicely, I really mean you'll _beg_."  
  
Jake says that instinctively, and regrets it immediately. Maybe he's always been (stupidly) flirting with Amy, messing with her because he's always enjoyed seeing her go all flustered and get all mad. But this instinct needs to die, like right now, because he can't afford to be this reckless(-ly stupid). Because now anything he says doesn't just affect her, it affects him.  
  
He licks his lips, and it seems to have angered Amy even though it was completely an accident. His lips were dry, he licks his lips all the damn time-- ugh! Screw him and his sexy instincts!  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM, 1643 HOURS, CHARLES NEEDS CPR BUT JAKE AND AMY AREN'T LOOKING AT HIM SOMEONE SAVE CHARLES PLEASE!! PLEASE HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE**  
  
"What makes you think I'll be begging?" Amy interrupts (rather belatedly), because she can barely handle this but if she doesn't try to argue with him she might actually start begging him to release her from this hell. "Maybe your sweet, sweet love isn't as 'sweet, sweet' as you think it is."  
  
"Oh trust me _—_ " he stresses _—_ "my love is 'sweet, sweet' as hell- it is so 'sweet, sweet', you won't be able to wa-"  
  
He's interrupted by the door opening, to everyone's relief.  
  
"The hell are the three of you doing here?" Gina chides. "Holt called everyone to gather on stage five minutes ago. And _—_ " she nearly laughs _—_ "what's wrong with Charles?"  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1649 HOURS, HOLT CALLED EVERYONE TO GATHER ON STAGE FIVE MINUTES AGO SO OBVIOUSLY THAT'S WHERE THEY ARE**  
  
"Ah, thank you Gina," Holt smiles at Gina who nods in acknowledgement as she leads Jake, Amy, and (a not dead, miraculously) Charles on stage, where everyone's already waiting.  
  
Amy gripes her wrist in embarrassment because she's hardly one to waltz in late whilst everyone waits for her (she's not actually waltzing, but if she runs ahead of her friends she'll look strange, plus there's safety in numbers).  
  
But Jake is, and he puts on a smile as Holt gives them an unreadable look.  
  
"Where were the three of you?"  
  
"Charles was giving us a set safety briefing," Jake explains without a hint of guilt, and Amy supposes he's not lying, because Charles did trick them into thinking that's what he wanted to do.  
  
So when you think about it, Charles is the only dirty, disgusting liar here (even though Jake and Amy could've left at any point during his presentation).  
  
"I appreciate the sentiment, but my next announcement will show why that won't be a pressing concern at the moment," Holt remarks before clearing his throat. "Mr Jeffords and I have been discussing some areas of risk in the script, and we've come to the conclusion that the play should be rewritten."  
  
Everyone reacts at once, whisperings of concern and faces filled with worry set the stage (haha). This concern, Holt assumes, stems from the club's worry that their work or progress so far might be for naught.  
  
"Everyone, stay calm. It's only a few scenes-"  
  
"WILL JAKE AND AMY STILL HAVE TO KISS?" Charles pipes up desperately, voice a squeaky breathless wisp, making Jake and Amy sigh simultaneously (except now that he's planted this thought in their heads, they're worried too).  
  
Holt sighs, because this is unbelievable. "Yes, Charles, because that scene poses no physical danger to either of them _—_ although I cannot comprehend why that would be of any concern to you."  
  
Everyone heaves a sigh of relief, some figuratively (Jake and Amy), some literally (Charles, Charles, and Charles).  
  
"Was that why everyone was so disoriented?"  
  
Jake raises his hand. "Actually sir, I disagree. I experience severe physical injuries every time I rehearse for that scene."  
  
Amy groans internally. Why does she have a crush on such an idiot? Perhaps it's because she's just as much, if not an even bigger idiot than Jake.  
  
(Jake's cheeky smile as he messes with Holt is kind of cute though, damn it!)  
  
Holt regards Jake almost indifferently, but there's a twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Is that so, Peralta? Perhaps these 'physical injuries' you sustain stem from your brain's disbelief that anyone in their right mind would willingly kiss you."  
  
Everyone erupts in fits of laughter, in hysterics from Holt's _super_ sick burn.  
  
Amy's laughing her ass off as well (even though... she shouldn't- because she's willingly kissed Jake one too many times- so frankly? This is a burn on her too), while Jake's just in shock at the joke made at his expense.  
  
"Hey! People want to kiss me!" He argues, but it doesn't radically change everyone's perspective on the situation.  
  
"Who?"  
  
Jake's tongue-tied, and the succeeding laughter could've drowned a humpback whale (as well as Jake's entire ego).  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1658 HOURS, STAGE (BUT LIKE EVERYONE IS GONE NOW AND ONLY-- NEVER MIND YOU'LL SEE)**  
  
Holt dismisses everyone after a few more notes on what everyone should be doing until Terry's new and safer script is finalized _—_ aside from Jake and Amy, who are told to stay behind because he needs to brief them on some things.  
  
"What is it?" Jake asks. "Are we here because you want to tell us how awesome we are at acting again, but don't want the others to get jealous?"  
  
"No _—_ " Holt says flatly. "In fact, I feel I should refrain from excessive praise in the future. The reason I've held the both of you back is because although Jeffords has not completed his rewrite of the script, we have already discussed and confirmed new scenes in this play. One of which I would like to get a head start on blocking."  
  
"Ooh," Jake rubs his hands together in anticipation. "Lemme guess- dope action scene where I fight Amy?"  
  
Amy rolls her eyes, a sentiment Holt completely relates to.  
  
"I believe we've established why that definitely won't be the case _—_ " Holt enunciates _—_ "since a fight scene between the two of you would result in you sustaining more 'physical injuries'," he says, referring to Jake.  
  
Amy snickers slightly because she's completely enjoying that Holt thinks she'd beat Jake in a fight.  
  
Except Jake doesn't seem perturbed at all.  
  
"Actually, it's one of my dreams to get my ass kicked by Amy," whether he's playing along to lessen the burden of being the butt of the joke, or he genuinely would love to get beaten up by Amy, is unknown.  
  
"Then that can be privately arranged, I believe _—_ " Holt clears his throat _—_ "this scene I want to start blocking does not include dangers like that of a fight, but it might end up just as complicated. It's a dance number."  
  
Amy's heart sits fearfully in her throat, because no way is she dancing. Despite how deeply she's delved into the world of the Arts, she's never actually had to dance on stage.  
  
She looks to Jake for a reaction, but he doesn't seem at all worried.  
  
"The context of this scene is largely unimportant at this point in time, but Johnny and Dora meet at a masquerade ball, without... properly meeting, since they won't see each other's faces. Either way, what I want the two of you to start doing today is practice. Get used to each other, maybe put together a basic routine. I want your input as actors about what the final product of this scene should be."  
  
Amy raises her hand nervously, even though she... doesn't have to. Only the three of them are present, and Jake doesn't look like he has any pressing questions. It makes Jake chuckle soundlessly to himself, because she's absolutely precious.  
  
"Yes, Amy?"  
  
"Sir, I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep up if there's a dance scene, Santiagos have two left-"  
  
"Oh, fret not Amy," Holt interjects, "I'm certain Jake will be of much assistance in guiding you. He's had three years of tap lessons."  
  
Amy lights up in glee whilst Jake's face is taken over by a look of betrayal.  
  
"YOU TOOK THREE YEARS OF TAP?" Amy confirms very enthusiastically with Jake, who does not respond.  
  
"Rec'!" He screeches instead. "I told you that in _confidence_!"  
  
Holt's face narrows in disgust. "Did you just refer to myself as 'rec'? As in, a shorthand for 'director' no _self-respecting person_ would ever _use_?"  
  
Jake gulps nervously. "No?"  
  
Holt gives up. "Start practicing, I need to speak with Jeffords."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1712 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL- DANCE, DANCE DANCE)**  
  
Jake can't stop laughing, as Amy steps on his toes for the tenth? sixteenth time? He's lost count.  
  
"You are _horrible_ at this," he teases, even though he's speaking the truth. They're on stage because there's no other place big enough to practice that's freed up _—_ which worried them at first because it could attract unwarranted attention.  
  
Except if anyone were to see Jake and Amy now, they'd probably lose interest very quickly in what they're doing (or so they think) because their clumsy back-and-forth isn't exactly crowd grabbing.  
  
 _(So no one is 'watching' them dance, but what they don't know is that Gina's live on Instagram right now, filming them obviously with the occasional comment, and all eyes belonging to members of the club are currently glued to their phones, watching, waiting.)_  
  
"I know," Amy groans, both frustrated because Jake's told her this a bunch of times already, and also apologetic because she knows she's hurting Jake. "I'm sorry for stepping on your foot."  
  
"I think you mean _feet_ ," he corrects jokingly, even though what he says isn't untrue in the slightest. "And even though that's going to leave a bruise, I think you're torturing my shoulder more with the way you're pinchin'."  
  
Amy loosens her iron-vice grip immediately. "Sorry!"  
  
Jake shakes his head. "It's okay, I didn't say I don't like torture," he winks (a stupid thing to do, 'stupid things' being stuff he's self-sworn never to do again, but he's not following his own stupid rules because he's stupid).  
  
"Oh right," she snorts, "forgot about your wish to get beat up by me _—_ you're joking about that though right?"  
  
He shakes his head. "Feel free to hurt me as you please-" he pauses, "but stay away from the face, 'cuz that's where the magic happens."  
  
She really hopes he's joking, because she's too afraid to ask if this is one of his kinks again (as she's afraid of what he'll confirm).  
  
In her distracted state, she steps on his foot again and this makes him stop moving all together.  
  
"Ow! Okay, that one really hurt this time."  
  
"I'm so sorry Jake, I don't know-"  
  
"Look-" he drops his hands. "You want me to show you how to really do this?"  
  
Amy looks at him blankly. "You mean we haven't been 'really doing this' before?"  
  
"What part of you trampling all over  my toes felt like 'really doing this' to you?" She gives him a pointed look. "Sue me, you completely sucking at dancing is kinda cute _—_ it's like watching a baby monkey learn to walk!"  
  
She socks him in the shoulder for that.  
  
"Ow! Do you want my help or not?"  
  
She sighs. "I don't even know if that's going to help, Jake. I'm a hopeless case. I mean, all Santiagos have-"  
  
"Two left feet, yes, I get it." He grins. "Lucky for you, I have an _extra_ right foot," he winks.  
  
She's confused. "I don't get it _—_ is the extra right foot supposed to be your- this is a penis joke right?"  
  
Jake sighs. "Never mind, stop thinking about my penis, Amy."  
  
He emphasizes this and says it loud, obviously to embarrass her, so she hits him again.  
  
"Jake, shut up!"  
  
"You know, the more you hit me, the more I'm going to like and crave it, right?"  
  
She rolls her eyes. "Fine, Three Years Of Tap, show me how it's done."  
  
He grabs hold of her hands. "That attitude is not helping _—_ but to be fair I do deserve it."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1743 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL- DANCE, DANCE DANCE-- REALLY DOING THIS)**  
  
Amy can't believe this but...  
  
She's actually dancing. Okay, _Jake_ is dancing, but somehow she's not messing it all up? She's just along for the ride but she's not causing the ride to break down or malfunction?  
  
"Just trust me," he tells her, "don't think, just move."  
  
"How can I move if I don't think? I'll step on you even more if I'm not careful."  
  
"It's the fact that you're thinking and being careful _—_ " he takes this opportunity to twirl her, and she doesn't die, something which scares her close to death. "That's making you step on my toes so much."  
  
"Jake!" She huffs, heart pounding as he continues to shuffle back and forth with her _—_ except unlike before, he's properly leading her, his hand clutching tighter on her waist (she has to admit, she likes the feeling), forcing her hips to obey his silent command, her feet to move in tandem with his.  
  
"What?" He somehow manages to bring his hand up to playfully squeeze her cheek, without breaking their rhythm or losing control of their (frankly nonexistent) routine. "Come on, stuff like that's what dancing's all about!"  
  
She sulks, and it makes Jake feel slightly apologetic. "At least give me a _warning_ ," she huffs in resignation, "I could trip and fall again."  
  
"Not on my watch," Jake promises, and she's filled with a strange heat at his words, the certainty in his voice making her hunger for something she can't comprehend.  
  
(Okay so she can comprehend it a little, but she's not going to think about her desires while Jake's hands are on her body, his eyes mere inches away to catch and embarrass her for her feelings.)  
  
He twirls her again, tugging her in a bit closer than she needs to be as he pulls her back in. Amy feels herself bump against Jake's solid frame and her proceeding gasp has him in stitches.  
  
"That was a close one," he simpers, in a way that makes Amy shudder. She hopes it's fear.  
  
That fear skyrockets when Jake lifts Amy up _—_ that's why he had pulled her in so close _—_ his hand tightly strapping her hips against him before releasing to put her down again. Amy can't comprehend why Jake would lift her, but seeing as he only used one hand (the other still holding her hand like it has been for most of their dance practice) it's definitely a proper dance move.  
  
She couldn't have been off the floor for more than a few seconds, but her heart seems to have stopped for an eternity. Amy's torn, between wanting Jake to lift her up to do that slow spin-y dance move again, as well as running away from him before it's too late (for what? she's not sure herself).  
  
"You are... the worst, you know that?"  
  
He nods. "And proud of it. But seriously, just trust me."  
  
She does trust him, she really does, but at the same time she doesn't trust him. It's a conflicting set of feelings.  
  
He seems to sense this, and before Amy knows it she's falling backwards and almost screams, except Jake's arm is there to catch her and she realizes he's just trying to dip her backwards. It's yet another stupid dance move.  
  
But then again, he hasn't dropped her.  
  
"See?" Jake's minty breath (he eats mints, no big deal) intoxicates Amy, his face two inches from hers, her head two inches from the ground. "Told you to trust me."  
  
Suddenly, the sound system comes alive and Gina's voice rings through the entire theater.  
  
"Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!"  
  
She chants this, egged on by Rosa's muffled chuckles in the amplified background noise.  
  
It makes Jake and Amy freeze up, staring blankly at each other for a moment then avoiding eye contact.  
  
"Gina, turn off the microphone," Holt instructs, "you're supposed to be discussing dance routines with Rosa, not disrupt Jake and Amy's practice."  
  
"I can't do both?" Gina asks, to which Holt has nothing to say, but Gina turns off the microphone.  
  
"Y'know, she's not wrong," Jake mutters, still in the same compromising position with Amy.  
  
"What?" Amy squeaks, not believing her ears. She nearly puckers her lips for Jake to kiss, but a sensible side of her stays put.  
  
Jake helps her up. "Like- for the scene. Don't you think it would be in character for Johnny and Dora to kiss after their romantic-al dance together? Think of it this way- they're wearing masks, they have nothing to lose, and they're super into this random stranger they just met. It makes sense, right?"  
  
Amy's almost disappointed that Jake's just talking about the scene and doesn't actually want to kiss her. But when she removes her feelings from the equation, Jake's absolutely right about the proposed scene choice.  
  
"It does," she agrees, "we should tell Holt."  
  
He smiles, happy to have had her approval. "And since we're going to kiss in the play anyway, who cares how many times we do it right?"  
  
Amy casts a teasing look at him as they walk towards Holt. "Hmm- or is this just a ploy of yours because you want an excuse to kiss me even more?"  
  
He backs up into her, and it occurs to Amy that her words have consequences. She's now leaning against a large set piece, conveniently hiding them from sight. Adrenaline spikes through Amy like a highly addictive drug, the kind you know is lethal the moment you get your first taste.  
  
In this analogy at least, _she can't wait for her death._  
  
Sadly, as quickly as he leans in to kiss her, he pulls away, and Amy's left with withdrawal symptoms and his playful smirk to last her days.  
  
"No," he grins, and it takes a while for Amy's anger to kick in because he's the world's worst (and most confusing, yet somehow still charming) asshole.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **JAKE'S HOUSE, 2025 HOURS, POST-DINNER**  
  
Jake returns to his phone after a self-made fulfilling dinner of pizza. _Self-made_ as in he _made_ the call to the pizza delivery place by him _self,_ but otherwise he was not at all involved in the making of the pizza. He did, however, make the executive decision to dip his pizza in mayonnaise though, so that's a point for him.  
  
He sees a lot of notifications waiting for him, all messages from unsaved numbers.  
  


* * *

  
  
_**hey- this is Jake right? I'm Melanie from Chemistry. Wanna go to prom with me?** _   
  


* * *

  
  
**_Heyyyyyyy ;))) Jessica from the cheer squaddddd wanna go to prom bby?? xoxoxo_ **   
  


* * *

  
  
**_um this is matt from baseball. you doing anything prom night?_ **   
  


* * *

  
  
_**Jake right? This is Cindy from library society :3 go to prom with me and I'll suck ur 8==D after we slow dance** _   
  


* * *

  
  
_**Hey this is Jonas from library society wanna go to prom together we can fuck in this quiet spot behind this bookshelf** _   
  


* * *

  
  
**_I'm Felicia from library society and we've discovered that you have two overdue books. They're called Places You Can Put Your Dick and Inside Me. Also because they're overdue you have to pay a fine and that fine is to go to prom with me <3_ **   
  


* * *

  
  
_**prom?** _   
_**-kelly** _   
  


* * *

  
  
Jake's... terrified. Especially of everyone from library society. He actually does have an overdue book or two, although they weren't borrowed from the school library. Jake was planning on returning them one day but seeing how _absolutely insane_ librarians are, he's holding onto Super Fudge forever.  
  
He receives another text then, but it's a saved number this time. Specifically, Amy's saved number. He opens it immediately.  
  
 _ **Hey... this girl who I haven't spoke to in three years just texted me to ask for your number? Do you have any idea what's going on?**_  
  
Jake sighs. He's just as confused as Amy but no way is he letting her know that.  
  
 _ **what? nothing special is happening just living my life out as usual**_  
  
 _ **im a hot throb ames better pick me up before im taken hahaha jk lmao lol rofl**_  
  
Jake hates himself _—_ people left and right are asking him out to prom in the most direct and in some cases, sexually explicit ways.  
  
But he doesn't even have the guts to tell Amy he likes her. He definitely doesn't have the guts to ask her out to prom either.  
  
 ** _Never mind. I asked her and apparently Gina posted a video of us dancing? And now everyone wants to dance with you at prom or whatever_**  
  
Jake's not in the least bit surprised. Maybe a little regarding how his sudden surge in popularity arose because of his dancing ability, but not that Gina posted a video of him and Amy dancing online.  
  
 ** _oh damnnnnnn so that's what all those texts are about_**  
  
 ** _everyone? then why aren't you asking me to prom ames_**  
  
Jake regrets his text the moment he clicks send. But it's far too late.  
  
 _ **I think I'm too terrified when I dance with you to be attracted, actually**_  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **AMY'S BED, 2038 HOURS, LYING THROUGH TEXT**  
  
 _ **I think I'm too terrified when I dance with you to be attracted, actually**_  
  
Amy bites her lip hard as she clicks send. She's not completely lying, because she truly was terrified this afternoon. Except half of why she's so terrified is because of her attraction.  
  
 ** _hmm so who you thinking of asking out to prom_**  
  
Well if she had to ask someone to prom Amy would ask Jake, but that's not happening.  
  
 _ **No one.**_  
  
His reply has her heart palpitating like crazy.  
  
 _ **oh righttttt forgot hot girls like you don't ask people to prom they wait for people to ask them out soz my bad**_  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0757 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY'S HOMEROOM**  
  
Whatever hopes or vibes Amy might have gotten over text last night with Jake are all completely _crushed_ the very next morning.  
  
He's somehow already in class when she gets there, his desk swarming with hordes of students all wanting to ask the great, charming dancer man to whisk them away at prom.  
  
(It's actually less dramatic than that, let's say a few bashful romantics that come one at a time? But in Amy's jealous eyes, it's as if Jake has his very own super devoted fan club.)  
  
"Oh, hey Ames," Jake grins when he sees her, which melts her heart but then immediately some girl from homeroom Amy's never seen talk to Jake ever walks up to him and starts whispering in his ear.  
  
Resentment and jealousy slashes through Amy's heart and burns wildly, angrily in her chest. She hates this girl whom she's never spoken to herself _—_ how dare she, have the audacity to just lean into Jake (like Amy's leaned in before), how dare she touch Jake's shoulder, like she somehow has the right to?  
  
Amy (pettily) notes every inch of Jake's body language.  
  
He's leaning into this random girl too, as she speaks to him (it's more so that he can hear what she's saying rather than him actually wanting to get touchy, but Amy's envy tells another story), and when she finally straightens back up he smiles.  
  
Which he's totally allowed to do, but a part of Amy growls and hisses internally _—_ Jake's supposed to smile at Amy, not this random girl!  
  
(Forgive her, she's not usually this possessive, even though Jake isn't even hers to possess in the first place.)  
  
"I'll think about it," he tells this girl, and then affectionately taps her twice on the hand (why????? why would he do that????).  
  
This pisses Amy off to no end, even as the girl walks away.  
  
Amy is further angered as the minutes pass; she realizes how Jake doesn't reject a single person's proposal for prom, although he doesn't accept anyone either.  
  
She wants to hit him, not because she's jealous and just wants him to tell everyone _no_ and that he wants to take her instead _—_ but because he's leading so many people on! Is he so in love with the attention, or just trying so hard to make sure his prom options remain wide open _—_ that he won't say no to anyone?  
  
It hurts Amy to watch, and although Jake is not expected to talk to her, he remains far too busy throughout homeroom for her to even get a word in.  
  
Not that she wants to, of course, Amy is _seething_ about Jake and how much of a jerk he is.  
  
She runs out of class the moment she hears the bell ring.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0827 HOURS, FIRST PERIOD WITH JAKE AND GINA! (WHAT SUBJECT IS IT? LOOK THEY DON'T CARE, THEY SIT TOGETHER SO IT'S DISH TIME)**  
  
"Okay I wasn't trying to make you popular again," Gina explains as they blatantly ignore anything their teacher says.  
  
As mentioned, this technically isn't the first time Jake's experienced such a surge in popularity. His first time was junior year, his performance in their annual play getting people swooning. That was how he started dating Sophia, but like many briefly touched upon facts from before, _more on this later._  
  
"I'm not complaining, but I'm a little freaked out at some of the ways people are asking me to prom." He shows her his messages, making Gina guffaw. "Just saying, but everyone should keep away from the library society."  
  
"Kay, I actually know what's up with them librarians. Apparently, to make fun of how you've started 'trending' again, they're competing to see who can come up with the most horrifying prom proposal to freak you out."  
  
Jake heaves a sigh of relief. "Thank god- I thought it was all the book reading that made them go cray-cray."  
  
"Jake, if you're so freaked out by all the prom-posals, why don't you just ask someone out?"  
  
"Who do I even ask?" Jake asks, looking at Gina incredulously. "You wanna be my prom date?"  
  
Gina gags. "God, no!"  
  
"It's just to keep everyone away- _oh wait._ Did you already ask Rosa?"  
  
Gina gives Jake a pointed look, reminding him to keep his voice down.  
  
"Why the hell would I do _that_ , Jake?" she says with gritted teeth to cover up for Jake's slip up, even though no one cares about who Gina has a crush on.  
  
"Come on _—_ " he sighs, voice crawling down to a faint wisp _—_ "it's so obvious you two like each other! Just ask her out-"  
  
"Okay, first of all, no. I have more _finesse_ than that Jacob. And since I haven't decided what my play's gonna be, I'm not doing _anything._ Second of all, you huge loser, are a hypocritical little _bitch._ "  
  
Jake holds his hands up in offense. "Woah! What's with that?"  
  
"Look, we both know the point of this entire conversation is how you should be asking Amy out to prom but you're not because you're a chicken."  
  
"No _—_ it's about how people are asking me out and it's _scary_."  
  
Gina rolls her eyes. "A problem which can be _easily solved_ by asking Amy out to prom."  
  
"You say that like it's easy. I mean, I know that if you went and asked Rosa to prom right this second, she'd say yes! But me-"  
  
"No you don't! Did she tell you _anything_ about liking me?" Jake doesn't respond. "See?"  
  
"Yeah, but why would Rosa tell me she likes you? I only know three things about her, and one of them is that she a- _likes you._ "  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"And it's not like Amy's going to say yes if I asked her out to prom. She's so pretty! Who wouldn't want to take her? Plus, she doesn't like me-"  
  
"Uh, yes she does."  
  
"Wait, what?" Jake shifts in his seat, hands flat down on the table in distress. "Did _she_ tell you that?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, yeah. Because I don't just make _claims_ you lying whore, I back them up."  
  
Jake can't believe this. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Because you didn't tell _me_ you liked her! A huge stab in the back, by the way. Even though it's super obvious you're enamored as hell."  
  
Jake ponders over this, then slowly shakes his head. "No... no- you know what? I don't believe you. You're just saying she likes me so you can watch this blow up in my face _— like you did with Jenny Gildenhorn_."  
  
Gina gasps, because she can't believe he _still_ won't explicitly state that he likes Amy, and also that he would bring _that_ up as a reason not to trust her.  
  
"That was over five years ago!" She spits, enraged. "And you ended up dating her anyway, so can you really be mad at me for tricking you?"  
  
Long story short, Jake liked Jenny, Gina lied to Jake and said that Jenny told her that she liked Jake, Jake told Jenny he liked her, it blew up in his face, but then a little while later she started liking him and they ended up dating anyway.  
  
"Yeah, and then she dumped me at _my own bar mitzvah_ for Eddie Fung," Jake crosses his arms, eyes squinting as he stares off into the distance. " _Fung._ "  
  
Gina gets up in a huff because just then the bell conveniently rings.  
  
"Fine, then don't believe me! I hope you die alone, loser," she curses, rushing out for her next class.  
  
"Me too!" Jake retorts angrily, realizing a second later how stupid he sounds. "Wait, but like, the other way a- never mind. She's gone."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1029 HOURS, THIRD PERIOD (NAME OF CLASS REDACTED BECAUSE HONESTLY? WHO CARES? WHO GIVES A FRICK FRACK CRICK CRACK ABOUT ACADEMICS WHEN THEATER EXISTS), (ALSO LIKE JAKE AND GINA STILL SHARE THIS CLASS AND THEY STILL SIT TOGETHER LMAO)**  
  
"Sorry," Jake apologizes as he takes his seat next to Gina.  
  
"Good _—_ " she accepts, nodding in acknowledgement. "Glad you realized you were wrong."  
  
"I _do_ trust you, and I _do_ like Amy." Jake shakes his head, not believing his awful self. "Should've told you that way sooner."  
  
"Yeah, Jake." Gina sighs, turning to face Jake. "You're practically my brother. If you don't tell me who you're crushing on, how _else_ am I suppose to make fun of you?"  
  
Jake chortles at this. "You're right. I'm gonna ask Amy out to prom later. _Today_."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1322 HOURS, GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS**  
  
Jake's a little slow walking to class, because he's been mentally planning how he's going to ask Amy out to prom (and the million ways everything can go wrong).  
  
 _Hey Amy, I'm madly in love with you. Wanna go to prom with me?_  
  
Nope. That's.... nope.  
  
 _Hey Amy, sup. What is up with you— wannagotoprom_  
  
Ugh, no.  
  
Eventually, he manages to gather the courage to head inside class when he decides that _—_ should anything go wrong, he'll just pretend he's just asking Amy out to prom as friends.  
  
But when he steps through the door... he realizes that someone else is in his seat.  
  
It's Luke Mueller. From the football team.  
  
And his hand is on Amy's shoulder.  
  
Jake quickens his footsteps, suddenly filled with hatred for Luke Mueller from the football team, who frankly is a really nice dude _—_ but the way Jake's anger flares as he walks toward his (occupied) desk, Luke might as well have been responsible for World War Two. And Word War One. And the Cuban  Missile Crisis. The entirety of the Cold War. Heck, all the wars. Plus the time Jake couldn't eat sour candies for a week because he had cavities.  
  
 _The reason those cavities happened used to be all the excessive sour candy Jake ate, but now? It's Luke fucking Mueller's fault._  
  
"Actually, this evening _does_ work," Jake hears Amy respond, her words quickly slurred together as if this was a decision she made only upon seeing Jake within earshot.  
  
(Of course, he doesn't know that she definitely _did_ make this decision only because she saw that Jake was within earshot.)  
  
Jake's heart falls as he sees Luke Mueller (asshole!!) light up.  
  
"I'll pick you up at 7," he informs, Amy nodding agreeably in response.  
  
Jake reaches his table and has to grit his teeth to prevent himself from literally kicking Luke out of his seat.  
  
"You're in my _seat,_ Mueller," Jake spits, failing to sound at all amicable. Oh well, he tried.  
  
(No, he didn't try. He didn't try at all, but whatever right? Who cares about Luke's precious feelings anyway.)  
  
Luke bolts up awkwardly, giving Jake a sheepish expression as he leaves, whilst Amy's eyes are transfixed in curiosity, wondering what brought on this sudden show of aggression from Jake.  
  
Jake takes his seat next to Amy without a word, waiting for the lesson to start.  
  
He intends to keep quiet for at least ten, twenty minutes before casually asking about what Luke was doing sitting at his desk. Because it's a logical thing to wonder about, right? And since he's definitely not going to ask Amy out to prom now because of what happened, he needs _something_ to talk about.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1325 HOURS, TEN SECONDS LATER**  
  
"So _—_ what happened back there?" He asks, an urgency in his voice.  
  
Ten seconds. He waited ten seconds after Luke left to ask. Oops.  
  
"Uh... you mean with Luke?" Amy drawls, and Jake wants to scream, but he doesn't.  
  
"No, I mean with _—_ " he wants to make a exasperated joke, but he can't think of anything in his agitation. "Yeah, with Luke, duh. What was he doing here?"  
  
Jake prays, that maybe, hopefully, there's a teensy tiny chance Luke didn't actually ask Amy out on a date.  
  
"He asked me out on a date."  
  
Never mind.  
  
"And you said yes?"  
  
"And I said yes."  
  
Jake inhales deeply, trying (and failing) to hide his frustration.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"He's never talked to you before. You _barely_ know him."  
  
He nearly smiles, because it's a valid point and they both know it.  
  
"That's not true!" Amy protests anyway. "I know Luke- uh, Luke-"  
  
"Mueller."  
  
"I know Luke Mueller _perfectly_ well."  
  
Jake chortles. "You've never said a word to him, have you?"  
  
Amy relents. "Yeah, you're right." She perks up then, having thought of something. "But what's wrong with going on a date with Luke? When Sophia asked you out _you_ barely knew _her_ either."  
  
"That's different," Jake argues, to the escalating annoyance of Amy, who now narrows her eyes.  
  
"Different _how?_ "  
  
"In that I'm pathetic loser who takes whatever he's offered _—_ but you're not like that! You're-"  
  
"A hot girl?" Amy snorts, and Jake nods.  
  
"See? You know it yourself," Jake gesticulates wildly as he says this, making Amy laugh.  
  
"I didn't say that, you did."  
  
"-and I stand by it, because it's true! You shouldn't have to go out with random strangers like everyone else."  
  
Amy sighs. "Whatever, Jake. It's not like I'm getting asked out to prom left right and center _—_ " she peers at him, pointedly.  
  
"True, but that's because people are too scared to ask you out."  
  
Amy huffs cynically, "but no one's too scared to ask you out?"  
  
"There's no stakes with me. I'm just some dude. If I reject someone, it's just _—_ water off a duck's back _—_ but you? Getting rejected by you could crush anyone."  
  
"Even you?"  
  
" _Especially_ me."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1738 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Terry delivers on the re-written scripts as promised and everyone has a copy within the first five minutes of rehearsal beginning. To get everyone used to the flow of the new scenes, Holt does a Start/Stop.  
  
In essence, they start from the beginning of whatever scenes Holt picks, and they act out those parts of the play as well as they can unless Holt calls for them to stop, in case he wants to change something or give pointers.  
  
They've been instructed to act all unchanged scenes according to how Holt has already blocked them. As for certain new scenes, they can try exploring a little self-direction unless Holt decides he wants to see things a different way.  
  
So far, things have been going pretty smoothly, with Holt largely only watching what magic his club can create with the new scenes.  
  
Amy's having a good time, because she's putting out a lot on stage, and she can tell from gentle smiles and relaxed demeanors that Holt thinks she's doing a great job.  
  
The only thing that threatens Amy's equilibrium is the fact that her kissing scene with Jake looms near.  
  
She _really_ doesn't want to kiss him today, she's confused enough as is.  
  
On one hand, she's frustrated at how Jake's handling his popularity. As mentioned, she hasn't seen him reject a single person, only saying ambiguous things like _"I'll think about it,"_ or _"Maybe?"_  
  
Which made her feel jealous and unwanted enough to go on a date with Luke- _god damn it she forgot his last name again._  
  
But on the other hand, Jake spent the entirety of Global Studies trying to convince Amy not to go on a date with Luke (why would he care?), and telling Amy how desirable she was, amongst all _sorts_ of other confusing things.  
  
Thus far, Jake has not succeeded in his endeavor to make Amy cancel on Luke (because he hasn't offered an alternative, such as asking her out himself), but Amy feels herself being driven closer and closer to a tipping point.  
  
Because Amy swears, if Jake gently laces his lips on her again, she might not be able to go on a date with anyone else, ever.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1749 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Unfortunately, Amy doesn't get her wish and before she knows it she's walking onto stage (in character) towards Jake, who's saying his opening line for the scene.  
  
He's interrupted by the incessant ringing of Holt's phone, which is set to the default ringtone, obviously.  
  
Jake stops saying his lines and they both freeze, watching Holt dig his phone out of his pocket, eyes widening when he sees the caller.  
  
"I need to take this call," Holt remarks, stepping out from the seats and making his way to the door. "Carry on."  
  
That means he's perfectly fine with everything Jake and Amy have done in this scene. He's not interested in making any changes, which is unsurprising given the praise Jake and Amy have received.  
  
So technically, Jake and Amy should continue acting out the entire scene as if Holt's still there, but the moment his back is turned, Amy spins around, ready to ask Jake if he wants to just skip over the scene, and go on to the next one to save them some effort.  
  
She's very certain this will work, because Holt's received calls during rehearsals before; and usually it's Jake asking Amy if she wants to skip the scene (she's refused him in the past, surely he'll be more than happy to comply with her request now that she's come around, right?)  
  
Except, once the heavy doors to the theater click shut in place, Amy's hand is abruptly grabbed by Jake and he's pulling her towards him frantically. Suddenly, it's like they're in a whole new, completely different sort of play.  
  
Right before she can get a word out, his lips are on hers.  
  
They're not supposed to be on hers, not just because Amy's averse (or more accurately, too scared) to kissing Jake at the moment, but because they haven't arrived at that part of the scene yet. Not by a long shot.  
  
Amy has a line, Jake has a line, they have several lines they're supposed to exchange.  
  
Which have obviously, gone _unexchanged._  
  
Instead, Jake's hands are on Amy's back, pulling her close and kissing her silly. It's not gentle or chaste at all, because apparently, that's not how Jake wants to kiss her at the moment.  
  
And despite all her personal insistence that she doesn't want to kiss Jake, Amy is kissing him back.  
  
Kylie's right, _she is an idiot._  
  
But Jake's lips feel so good, desperately moving against hers, his hands roaming, touching her in ways she doesn't know she's craved till this moment.  
  
His kiss is like a fireplace during a blizzard, and she seeks it out like a lifeline.  
  
Soon, Amy's hands are on Jake's too, betraying her and instinctively feeling him out. Right now, they scale his arms, and god does she love his arms.  
  
A fuzzy, desire-struck part of her mind wishes those arms would lift her up, hold her legs for her because with each passing second Amy loses her breath to Jake, she feels her legs less and less.  
  
The more Jake touches her, the more Amy wants him to touch her elsewhere; places she shouldn't let him touch, but wants nothing more than for him to do so.  
  
When the door clicks open again, it's Jake that hears this, Jake that detaches himself, Jake that pushes Amy away (with much difficulty, to his delight).  
  
She's left with longing, confusion, and then shame.  
  
"Have fun on your date," he whispers, and Amy's left a slowly panting mess as he walks away, into the empty wings (they're empty because no one's allowed to be in the wings unless they're in the very next scene, which isn't for a good long while).  
  
She curses how perfectly Jake planned this for himself (if he planned this at all, which likely isn't the case), because in the scene where Johnny and Dora kiss, Johnny leaves and Dora stays on stage to lament the meaning of it all.  
  
So Jake gets to leave, and now Amy has to deliver a full monologue in a breathless state, because Jake's sapped her lungs of all air, and she can't help but hate him for it.  
  
Because why would he do that? Did he kiss her because he didn't want her to go on a date with Luke? If so, why did he tell her to 'have fun' on her date? Did he kiss her to prove something? Did he know how well she'd respond? Is he relishing in that power, mocking her for being weak?  
  
Millions of questions fill Amy's head as she (tries her best to) say her lines, all of them frustrating and causing her to detest Jake even further.  
  
But still, and most of all, she can't stop thinking of his lips, and how much she wants them back on hers.  
  
 _It's agonizing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes there will be 25 chapters if i can keep to my Plan and no, it won't be 25 chapters straight of them denying their feelings don't worry 
> 
> also this is the 8th chapter and its 8000 words hahaha im so funny jk i suck thanks for being so nice to me anyway i love you all
> 
> also omg jake kissed amy again NEVER saw that coming it's not like... they've kissed in every chapter sigh


	9. she's a lady, and ladies shouldn't be messed with

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg thank u all for >200 kudos pls keep loving me

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1546 HOURS, CONTROL ROOM**  
  
"Guess which Jack I got to crack?" Gina effuses haughtily as she slides into Rosa's side on the couch. "I'll give you a hint– his name's not actually Jack."  
  
Rosa can't believe this is happening, grunting in disdain as Gina teasingly holds her hand out, fingers beckoning her to hand her money over.  
  
As Rosa reluctantly skims her pockets for cash to pay Gina, the latter recounts her tale of how Jake came to confess his crush on Amy.  
  
Something Gina says stops Rosa in her tracks, however.  
  
"Wait, you told Jake that Amy likes him?" She confirms, to Gina's nonchalance.  
  
"Yeah, duh," Gina tilts her head, unsure of what Rosa's driving at. "Not like I was lying. She did tell me she likes him, remember?"  
  
She waggles her eyebrows now, reminding Rosa of the other five dollars she's lost to Gina, rubbing it in to Rosa's chagrin.  
  
"Yeah, exactly. Telling Jake Amy likes him is against the rules, remember?" Gina's face falls because Rosa's right. Crap. She messed up. She messed up good.  
  
Chuckles bubble up Rosa's throat as she purposefully pockets her money, prompting a disappointed pout from Gina. It's cute, but it doesn't at all ruin Rosa's enjoyment of this situation.  
  
In fact, it even _enhances_ it.  
  
"You know what this means, right?" Rosa continues, to a tired huff from Gina, before she nods.  
  
 _"Two days."_  
  
This means that should Jake ask Amy out, confess his feelings to Amy, or anything related that could've been prompted by Gina revealing to Jake that Amy told her she has feelings for him, Gina doesn't get any money on any bets won.  
  
But this only applies for the next two days, because if Jake doesn't do anything for forty eight hours despite what Gina told him, it means what she told him had nothing to do with his actions.  
  
And yes, Gina and Rosa have come up with very intricate and strict rules regarding this betting system. Obviously, many of these rules stem from a policy of non-interference.  
  
Something Gina kept in mind when Amy told her how she felt about Jake, which is why she's currently five dollars richer, but something she recklessly forgot with Jake.  
  
They can't interfere, half because it's fun to watch Jake and Amy dance around each other, blatantly showing their feelings yet refusing to be the first one to crack. Also half because it wouldn't be fun if they just got Jake and Amy in a room and showed them audio recordings/video clips of each other's confessions.  
  
 _So yes, 100% because of the fun factor._  
  
And while it might seem cruel to leave Jake and Amy to their devices, Gina and Rosa telling those two idiots that they like each other wouldn't really help matters.  
  
After all, Charles gave them an extensive presentation on why they should get married, and got _nothing._  
  
Jake and Amy are stubborn fools, which Gina and Rosa are capitalizing on/flirting over.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1805 HOURS, FREAKING THE FUCK OUT**  
  
Jake's pacing around in the abandoned parking lot behind the theater, in complete disbelief because he might just be the biggest numskull on planet earth.  
  
The biggest _numskull_ who has no control over what stupid reckless things he does now, apparently.  
  
He doesn't know what came over him back there; the door shut, and his first thought was to pull Amy in and kiss her.  
  
What was he even trying to prove? That Amy shouldn't go on a date with Luke because he kissed her?  
  
He has to admit, he did feel Amy kiss him back (and get a little handsy at that), but so what?  
  
Maybe he's the greatest, _most seductive_ kisser ever, but aside from that being super cool, what does it matter if he's going to die alone?  
  
Jake sighs, hoping that this doesn't all blow up in his face.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **AMY'S HOUSE, 1854 HOURS, WAITING FOR LUKE TO ARRIVE**  
  
Amy munches on a mouth-watering pierogi as she resents agreeing on a date just when her mother decided to cook all her favorites.  
  
Yes, she's having second thoughts about the date, and it's _completely_ because of food. It has nothing to do with Jake.  
  
 _Nothing._  
  
"Oh dear, I wouldn't have made all your favorites if you had told me sooner that you were going on a date," her mother apologizes as she serves up even more freshly fried potato pancakes. Amy's on the verge of tears. "So when's Jake getting here?"  
  
Amy chokes, prompting Diego to whack her on the back harder than he needs to. If Amy weren't so on edge because of the whole Jake business, she'd punch her useless brother in the knee.  
  
"I'm not going on a date with Jake," she corrects, to the shock of everyone at the table. "And I just agreed to the date today, so I didn't have time to tell you."  
  
All eyes are on Amy now.  
  
"If you aren't going on a date with Jake, then who is it?"  
  
"Luke- Luke. Yeah. Luke. From class."  
  
Mrs Santiago wipes down the table warily. "You know this Luke well?"  
  
Amy awkwardly downs an entire glass of water. Yup, it's _official_. She's not going to have any appetite for dinner with Luke now.  
  
"Not really," she admits.  
  
"Then why'd you agree to go on a date with him?"  
  
"Because he asked me."  
  
Diego snorts, " _yeah right_ , it's because he's on the football team."  
  
Amy casts a suspicious look at Diego. "How do you know that? You're a junior."  
  
"What?" Diego chomps defensively as he grabs another piece of fried chicken. "I can't know who's on the football team?"  
  
Amy leaves it at that, and checks her watch. "Luke should be here soon."  
  
"I just–" her mother interjects. "I don't understand, my love- a pretty girl like you shouldn't have to go on dates with guys she doesn't even know."  
  
Amy freezes in her tracks, goosebumps forming at the base of her neck.  
  
"Why?" He mother asks. "You don't agree?"  
  
"No it's just–" she takes a deep breath–"Jake said the same thing."  
  
Her mother brightens with laughter. "Maybe you should ask _him_ to take you on a date instead of this Luke."  
  
A car horn blares outside just then, prompting Amy to run out before she says more incriminating things she'll regret.  
  
 _"Have fun on your date with Jake!"_ She hears her (annoying) brothers call out.  
  
"I'm not dating Jake!"  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **MOVIE THEATER, 2032 HOURS, SUPER TENSE MOVIE VIEWING**  
  
Amy swallows thickly when she sees Luke place a flat palm on the seat arm in between them; it's an open invitation for her to grab it so they can hold hands, but Amy chooses to keep both hands to herself, digging into her box of popcorn incessantly like she has no idea what's going on.  
  
And yes, Amy had insisted on getting separate boxes of popcorn because she _'loves popcorn so much',_ but really she just can't stand the idea of bumping fingers with Luke when reaching for the snack.  
  
She chows down on popcorn like it's the most exquisite thing she's ever tasted, like she'll be filled with regret should she stop eating.  
  
So needless to say, the date's not going great thanks to Amy. She ate next to nothing for dinner, and she's barely said more than a few short curt words to Luke, who frankly is being the _perfect_ gentleman to her.  
  
And right now, she doesn't so much as cast a glance at him.  
  
She feels bad, but she genuinely knows next to nothing about Luke— aside from the fact that he's on the football team. Half of dinner was spent listening to him go on about what happened at the game last night.  
  
But she knows the real underlying reason is because she can't stop thinking about Jake.  
  
After he planted that kiss on her, leaving Amy to struggle through her lines before the play moved on to the next scene, Amy scoured the entire theater for Jake to no avail. She wanted to ask him what the hell he was trying to do, and she wanted him to give her a proper reason not to go on this date with Luke.  
  
Which he didn't do, since he was no where to be found, but Amy's high levels of discomfort are probably reason enough right now that going on this date was a bad idea.  
  
Said discomfort falls as her mind slowly drifts to thoughts of Jake. She wonders what a date with him would be like, if it was Jake beside her instead of Luke.  
  
She spends the rest of the movie wondering about the things they'd do if left alone in a _dark, dark_ room.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **AMY'S DRIVEWAY, 2136 HOURS, DATE FINALLY ENDING**  
  
"Thanks for a good time," Luke remarks as Amy unbuckles her seat belt. Either he's being nice or he's really oblivious, because that date was a disaster.  
  
"Will I see you again?" He asks this as Amy gets out of the car, stopping her in her tracks.  
  
"Actually..." she exhales apologetically. "I don't think we should do this again."  
  
"Oh," Luke nods, getting the message. "Okay. No hard feelings, thanks for telling me the truth."  
  
Amy nods. "You're welcome. Thanks for dinner— I'll see you in class?"  
  
Luke smiles. "Yeah. See ya."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0756 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY'S HOMEROOM**  
  
Amy nearly gets the shock of her life when she steps into class and sees Jake already waiting at their desks.  
  
No, it's not because she's nervous about seeing him after everything that's happened the past few hours, she's just not used to seeing him this early in— _okay who is she kidding._ It's mainly the nerves.  
  
"Surprised to see me?" Jake jests with a playful raise of his eyebrows, amused by Amy's jump when she entered class.  
  
"Surprise is an understatement— you never step into school before 8," she remarks casually as she takes her seat. There's barely anyone in class right now, and this stacks onto the anxious bundle of feelings burdening Amy as she talks to Jake.  
  
"True. Didn't expect to see you too early either."  
  
Amy looks at him cautiously. "And why is that?"  
  
"I mean... you had that date right? Or did you cancel?"  
  
There's this note of hope in his voice, but Amy doesn't notice it.  
  
"I didn't cancel, why would I have done that?"  
  
"Yeah. No reason for you to."  
  
He says this almost pointedly, which is why Amy chooses to ignore him.  
  
"So... date went bad, huh?"  
  
Amy scowls. "What made you think that?"  
  
Jake straightens in his seat, cracking his knuckles deductively. "You're here _early_ , as usual, which means you got enough sleep, which means you went to bed early last night. That also means that you had enough time to study— let's say... three hours?" He smirks, Amy scorns. "To have time for that, you'd have to have reached home early from your date. Ergo— your date ended early because it _sucked_ and Luke was _boring_."  
  
Amy takes a deep breath because she can't believe she likes someone this obnoxious. "You sound like a detective."  
  
"Thank you, I think I'd make an _awesome, super hot cop_ that solves all the crimes too," he agrees shamelessly. "So I'm right then?"  
  
He is, but _no way_ is she giving him the satisfaction of knowing.  
  
"I said you _sounded_ like a detective, not that you solved the case," she shifts proudly in her seat, "Luke and I actually had a lot of fun on our date."  
  
"Huh," Jake falters, teeth gritted. "Fun. What kind of fun?"  
  
Amy's breath hitches, but she continues to maintain her composure. "Y'know," she winks, " _fun_."  
  
She doesn't know how big of a mistake this is until it's too late.  
  
"Cool," Jake nods, and Amy doesn't sense any jealousy in his voice, despite how starkly it exists.  
  
"Hey," suddenly, this girl from homeroom neither Jake nor Amy is familiar with shows up beside Jake's desk, looking bashful and shy, but full of hope all the same.  
  
Jake barely glances up, but if Amy were to see his face she'd be scared by the hostility that currently masks his features.  
  
"What?" Jake's voice is a disheartening grumble, but is easily mistaken by both this girl and Amy as general morning lethargy.  
  
"I'm Nicole, and I know we don't talk much but I was wondering if you'd go to prom–"  
  
"Really?" Jake snaps, sounding incredibly annoyed. "Who even are you? I don't know you– why would you even ask me to prom?"  
  
Amy's heart is pounding in fear, she definitely didn't expect this at all.  
  
Jake realizes his mistake a moment too late, and Nicole's in tears as she tries to run.  
  
"Wait, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" He quickly grabs Nicole, and pulls her back by her hand. She looks angry now, which Jake knows he completely deserves, because she did not deserve to hear a word he said.  
  
He takes a deep breath. "Look, sorry for being such an ass- you're a beautiful girl, and you deserve to go to prom with someone way better than this jerk–" he points at himself–"I was completely out of line, and it was nothing against you personally– you just caught me at a bad time– again, not your fault."  
  
Nicole softens, wiping her tears away.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Jake gulps, instinctively pointing to Amy. "It's Amy. She's _super annoying_ and pissed me off."  
  
"Hey!" Amy raises her discontent, taking offense at this. "What did I do?"  
  
"You had fun!"  
  
Amy scoffs– she can't believe Jake's using her as a flimsy excuse for being rude to Nicole; after all, it's his own fault for waking up early and it's his own fault for being cranky in the morning.  
  
"How's that a reason? Aren't you always telling me to have fun?"  
  
Nicole looks just as unconvinced as Amy is, giving Jake an equally incredulous look.  
  
"Yeah–" Jake says, nearly seething. "But not with Luke!"  
  
The tone of his voice, along with the look on his face, sends a _very clear_ message to Nicole who immediately drops his hand, no longer charmed.  
  
Sadly, Amy does not jump to the similar (very logical!!!) conclusion, although she is happy that Nicole let go of Jake's hand. She was starting to look like she wanted to ask Jake out to prom again.  
  
Just then, Luke arrives on scene.  
  
"What's going on?" He asks. "I heard my name."  
  
"Apparently, Jake here's mad that you and Amy had fun," Nicole explains.  
  
Luke snorts, turning to Amy. "Look, I said no hard feelings since you ended things, but I saw you _yawn_ during our date."  
  
Amy's eyes widen, and suddenly Jake _loves_ Luke Mueller, thinks he's the _greatest_ dude in the world.  
  
"Really Luke?" Amy groans soundlessly, shutting her eyes as Jake eats up this new information. "Wow Amy– I wonder what made you so tired, huh?"  
  
Amy looks over at Jake quickly enough to see him pucker his lips at her, taunting her about the kiss– and she's completely pissed off because clearly he knows his power over her, and he thinks it's all a big joke– _hahaha, let's all make fun of Amy because she can't resist Jake's lips! Isn't it just so hilarious how one kiss from him can ruin an entire date for Amy?_  
  
Her cheeks burn with embarrassment and anger, but she decides to deal with things one at a time, starting with Luke.  
  
"Luke, I'm sorry for yawning on our date, I didn't mean to but rehearsal has been really tiring–" she makes sure Jake remains firmly outside of her peripheral vision–"and last night, when I said we shouldn't do 'this' again, I meant I didn't want to see a dinner and a movie again."  
  
"Oh-" Luke nods, and when Amy sneaks a peek at Jake he doesn't seem to be as far up his high horse as before, which is a good sign. "Didn't you say that dinner and a movie is the perfect first date though?"  
  
Amy's almost caught off guard. "Uh- I guess... I was wrong about that?"  
  
Luke accepts this. "Cool. You wanna go out with me this weekend? We don't have to see a movie or eat dinner."  
  
Amy takes a deep breath. Jake's right there, ready as ever to make fun of her if she says no. But then again, saying yes entails going on yet another super awkward date with Luke.  
  
She weighs her options, then makes a painful decision.  
  
"No... I'm sorry."  
  
"But why not Amy?!" Jake's needlessly energetic and painful voice bores a hole into Amy's head.  
  
"Isn't Luke a super fun guy?" He tacks on playfully, for the benefit of no one but himself.  
  
It's the last straw for Amy.  
  
"You–" she points menacingly, doing nothing more than making Jake look curious–"meet me after school in the abandoned parking lot behind the theater."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0808 HOURS, GREAT NOW EVERYONE THINKS THEY'RE SECRETLY FUCKING NICE WORK AMY**  
  
Jake's mouth goes dry at Amy's words. It doesn't help that she looks like she's about to tear him to shreds. It's too hot a look, and he almost can't handle it.  
  
He's not sure what's happening, and he's also not sure why Amy would be saying something this suspicious and suggestive in front of everyone in homeroom, including Mr McGintley—  
  
Oh wait, he's asleep again. Never mind.  
  
"Uh... why?" He asks, swallowing nervously as Amy inches closer.  
  
"I want to fight you, got it?" She shoves him, causing him to crash backwards slightly against a nearby desk. Everyone gasps in shock (because their lives are dreary and boring so this is probably going to be the most exciting thing they'll witness all day), which Jake notes awkwardly, as he straightens to look at her.  
  
 _This is strangely turning him on, god damn it!_  
  
"Cool," he dusts off his shoulders, even though there's no dust on his shoulders. "Enemy stylez. See you after school."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1134 HOURS, SOME RANDOM CLASS**  
  
"Hey," Jake turns over in response to his desk mate, who he vaguely remembers also seeing during homeroom. "So what's up with you and Santiago?"  
  
Jake shakes his head. "Nothing's up with me and Amy. Why?"  
  
His desk mate chuckles. "Dude, I was there in homeroom. Everyone thinks you two are meeting to hook up."  
  
Jake clears his throats loudly, stunning their teacher, a scarily old person who glares at him.  
  
"Okay– what makes you think that?"  
  
"Did you not see the way she was looking at you? The way she pushed you? Chick wants you bad, bro. You should tap that hard, you lucky bastard. Santiago's a hottie."  
  
While he's not entirely wrong about Amy's attractiveness, Jake blocks out everything else his (disgusting) desk mate says.  
  
Although– maybe he has a point about Amy not actually wanting to fight him. Amy's never engaged in a physical fight with him before, so why would she want to now?  
  
For the rest of the day, Jake can't concentrate in any of his classes as he ponders over this possibility.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL ABANDONED PARKING LOT BEHIND THE THEATER, 1456 HOURS, WAITING FOR AMY**  
  
Jake paces around the abandoned parking lot alone as he waits for what could potentially be the best thing ever or– well, still the best thing ever.  
  
Because he's serious, getting roughed around the edges by Amy Santiago seems appealing; _he's never lied about that._  
  
As he's nervously meandering about the area, he doesn't notice Amy's arrival and is only greeted by the full force of her body slamming into him, tackling him to the ground.  
  
When his vision focuses he only sees Amy, her hands pining his shoulders down. It's so hot, thoughts about whether this is a fight or a hookup fly out the window. He acts on impulse, his head lifting up to kiss her.  
  
He doesn't notice how shocked she is by this move, and in kissing her Amy lets go of Jake's shoulders, allowing him to sit up and reach for her.  
  
Jake gets in a few solid seconds of one-sided kissing before Amy pushes him away. He has to admit it shocks him for a second because he's not used to being pushed away anymore, or being rejected by her for that matter.  
  
"Oh crap," he realizes a second later, "this _is_ a fight."  
  
Amy's lips are slick with his spit, making kissing her again tempting, but he's definitely not going to pull something like that, after being pushed away by her.  
  
"What the hell were you doing?" Amy wipes her lips, which is disappointing. "Of course this is a fight, what did you–" her face flickers with realization–"oh god. Is this another one of your kinks? Pretending to meet up for a fight but making out instead?"  
  
Jake looks down in slight shame– in hindsight, it was presumptuous of him to even consider that this was anything but a fight. Why would Amy want to hook up with him– _in an abandoned parking lot of all places?_  
  
"Look," he pipes up, "not that I'm at all opposed to you fighting me–"  
  
Amy snorts. "Right. _Your dream_."  
  
He exhales humorlessly. "Yeah. True. But why do you want to fight me? Are you mad?"  
  
Amy scoffs, shifting in place as she does so. "Are you kidd– _wait._ What's wrong?"  
  
Jake looks like he's about to die any second, genuinely worrying Amy.  
  
"Before you tell me why you're mad, maybe _don't_ sit on my dick?"  
  
Amy backs off immediately, getting up in guilt. "I'm so sorry- that must've hurt."  
  
Oh it hurt, of course it hurt, but not in the way she thinks it did.  
  
Jake shakes his head, "no biggie– continue."  
  
She takes a deep breath. She feels bad, but that doesn't mean Jake should get off scot-free.  
  
"Look," she starts, "when almost everyone was asking you out to prom, and you didn't reject anyone properly like some kind of _jerk_ , I didn't say anything– let alone _do_ anything. But then one guy asks me out on a date and you decide to ruin it. What's with that?"  
  
Jake's confused. "How was I a jerk? What I was doing was called _trying not to hurt anyone's feelings._ And how did I ruin your date? I wasn't even _there_!"  
  
It's this that properly gets Amy worked up again.  
  
"You know exactly what you did!" She accuses. "You kissed me!"  
  
"Newsflash Amy– I kinda have to for the play, remember?"  
  
She huffs, backing Jake up against a wall with a straightened finger. "You know the way you kissed me wasn't for the play."  
  
Jake's turned on. Which isn't news really, he hasn't exactly stopped being turned on for a disturbingly long time.  
  
"That wasn't for the play? Then maybe you should show me how–"  
  
He nearly leans in again, but Amy refuses to let him tempt her, pushing him away before he can get close enough.  
  
"Jake, seriously–"  
  
"I'm sorry," he apologizes, hating his very poor impulse control, but it's not enough.  
  
"So what?" She huffs. "Is this what you like to do? Ruin dates? The potential happiness of others? That another kink?"  
  
Jake takes offense, at the worst possible time. Really, there's just no point in him taking offense at this, but he does.  
  
"Hey– just because someone has one, two, or maybe _many kinks_ does not mean you you get to kink shame them!" He exhales harshly. "And I'll just say that you probably _shouldn't_ kink shame me because that's another one of my kinks— but again, not the point."  
  
Amy looks far from amused, only... a combination of resignation and exhaustion. Put simply, she looks done.  
  
But at the same time, she holds on to this slight glimmer of hope, and takes a courageous plunge to ask Jake an important question.  
  
" _Fine,_ if it's not a stupid kink then what— do you like me?"  
  
Sure, she doesn't ask this in the most adoring, _finger-shyly-twirling-her-hair_ way, but she asks all the same because if Jake does indeed like her, surely he'd have the sense to say yes because that's the only way any of his actions would make sense, right?  
  
Okay, Amy admits that they're not rational or acceptable actions– but Amy likes him and if Jake does like her back– then she'd be able to forgive him and then they could be together and go on a date and it would be ten times, a million times even— better than the date Luke Mueller took her on, better than any date Amy might ever go on—  
  
Because she really, really likes Jake, and she hopes to _god_ he says yes.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL ABANDONED PARKING LOT BEHIND THE THEATER, 1504 HOURS, HEY AMY, ARE YOU THERE? IT'S ME, GOD. SORRY BUT JAKE'S AN IDIOT AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT**  
  
"What? No–" Jake denies with every ounce of his soul on instinct— half as a reflex, half because he's a coward, half because Amy has his shirt collar angrily grasped in her hands, and half because he's terrible at math.  
  
What? Yeah, he's lying— sue him, but he's not about to confess his feelings to Amy when she looks two seconds away from beating him to a pulp just for breathing; who knows what she might do if he said something like _'i love you lol'?_  
  
She lets go of him, which relieves Jake for a split second– until he realizes that she's actually fuming now.  
  
Uh oh. Maybe telling her the truth was the better move? She may not like him back, but it would've helped her understand his actions. Anyway, it's too late for that now. He braces himself for the impact of whatever Amy decides to say next.  
  
"If you don't like me, then what's the meaning of all this?" She laments, stomping back and forth angrily. "Is it– is it an _enemy_ thing?"  
  
"What?" Jake rasps, befuddled. "No- this isn't an enemy thing, what are you talking about?"  
  
" _Well, it sure seems like it to me!_ " She explodes, her voice echoing painfully against the rusting fences that surround them (yeah, this place is super abandoned). "Because all this? Not what a _friend_ would do. And since you're not interested in being a _half-decent_ friend to me, maybe we should just go back to being enemies!"  
  
Those words hurt Jake more than any shove, punch, or kick Amy could ever throw at him.  
  
With that last outburst, Amy storms off and heads back to the theater quickly, determinedly marching away from Jake.  
  
 _"Amy, wait, please!"_  
  
But she walks on without a pause.  
  


* * *

 

  
  
 **BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1515 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM**  
  
Amy's all alone (brooding) in the dressing room when she hears the door open, rolling her eyes when she sees Jake with a smirk adorning his face, heading straight for her.  
  
(A part of her heart still flutters, which is annoying. She's just re-declared him her enemy, she can't keep having a crush on him, it's unbecoming.)  
  
"What?" She pretends to barely regard him, snapping morosely, her hand propping her chin up in efforts to bespeak as such. "I don't want to talk to you– or see you."  
  
Jake plops down in the chair beside Amy, clearly not getting the message.  
  
"I have a message from Holt–" he quickly explains to stop her from leaving, and it works.  
  
Business is still business, after all. Amy begrudgingly takes her seat.  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
Jake digs into his pocket for his phone– makes sense, since as far as Amy's concerned, Holt hasn't arrived; he's stuck in traffic and won't be around for another hour at least. It's completely plausible that he's conveyed some form of task assignment for them regarding scene work in his absence.  
  
Except– what Jake shows her on his phone isn't a message from Holt at all— rather, it's a very short video of _screaming sheep._  
  
It's not something she expects, and it makes her yelp in surprise– something Jake mocks as indicated by his proceeding laughter.  
  
Obviously, this horrible prank does nothing to alleviate her antagonized state, rather, it worsens it.  
  
Amy gets out her seat as Jake's rumbling giggles roll out, fuming as she tries to leave.  
  
She fails to leave of course, because Jake's hands are too quick– perhaps they're far too well acquainted with grabbing her, far too good at making her stay.  
  
"Okay, okay– I'm sorry. Bad joke," he apologizes, a gentle smile still painted on his face as he pulls her back in with a yearning force. One that, if Amy did not counteract with her own, could've ended up with her falling into his lap.  
  
"I actually have something to show you," he declares as Amy settles back in her chair.  
  
He digs into his other pocket this time, retrieving a slightly crumpled piece of paper, but it's folded neatly (mostly, Amy's seen neater folds).  
  
He hands it to her, and she eyes it suspiciously, as if she were just handed a grenade.  
  
"This better not be a _drawing_ of sheep screaming," she warns.  
  
"Just open it."  
  
When she does, she realizes it's a message. An invitation, actually.  
  
 _ **WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?**_  
  
Those words are scrawled out in capital letters on the paper, written large and messy, characteristically Jake in every manner of print.  
  
Amy's breath hitches for a moment, because she's wanted this, wondered about this, but it's all too good to be true.  
  
In fact, seeing this makes her _angry._  
  
She chucks the paper back at him, and if she were looking at him at all she'd see how much this act hurt him.  
  
"I don't need a pity gift, Jake."  
  
"It-" he can't believe her. "It's not a _pity gift._ "  
  
Her eyes train on him scrutinizing him deeply. "I thought you didn't like me?"  
  
"And I don't–" he insists, stupidly. "I don't like you at all but okay–" he breathes in–"look, it's to prove to you that I'm serious about our friendship." He inches closer to her, regarding her in a sincere and earnest manner. "I don't wanna be your enemy anymore, Ames. It was fun while it lasted– but I... actually like being friends with you."  
  
Amy finds that at the moment, this touches her more than any prom invitation he, or anyone else for that matter, could ever offer.  
  
"I forgive you," she says, and this crashes through Jake as bouts of relief, calming his heart infinitely. "And because I also want to show you how serious I am about our friendship– _I'll say this–_ you don't have to take me to prom."  
  
Jake panics at that, something which Amy can't comprehend.  
  
"What? No– what are you saying?"  
  
Amy looks at him strangely. "What's wrong? You're off the hook, Jake. Wouldn't you rather take someone else you actually like?"  
  
Jake gets up, sighing heavily, like he's just imparted a piece of wisdom to Amy that failed to get through.  
  
"Are you kidding me?" He stands, arms akimbo as he glowers at Amy. "I don't want to take _someone else_ , Ames, I want to take _you_. We're going to _kick ass_ at prom together— did you not hear my _awe-inspiring_ speech about _friendship_?"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't exactly call that a _speech_..." Because really, it was barely a few sentences. It was touching, _sure,_ but it hardly quantifies or qualifies as speech material. "But just take someone you actually have feelings for– I'm sure there's tons of girls prettier than me."  
  
This gets Jake worked up again, for some strange reason.  
  
"You actually think– I can't believe–" he stops in his tracks, and suddenly, he grabs Amy's face, her cheeks against his (rough, but in a deliciously good way) palms.  
  
"Amy–" he says this slowly, like it's incredibly important for her to understand–"there is _no one_ prettier than you."  
  
Amy swears her heart nearly stops. It's one thing for Jake to (repeatedly, and variedly) tell Amy that she's pretty–  
  
But for her to be pretty– much more so than anyone else, to the point where it _frustrates_ him that she thinks otherwise?  
  
 _Holy shit on a stick._  
  
And yet, he _still_ doesn't like her.  
  
"I mean–" he continues, "there's a reason you were cast as _Dora the Explora'_ , beautiful lady that Johnny fell in love with on first sight– because she's so pretty she _justifies_ the cliche!"  
  
Amy's charmed, but the feminist in her reigns. "Or maybe– I was cast as Dora not the explorer because Holt saw that I was the actress most capable and most suited to portray her? Because Dora's _more_ than just Johnny's love interest?"  
  
"Uh, crap, of course–"  
  
Amy pets Jake kindly on his leg (more accurately, his thigh, actually). "It's okay, I know you're just saying all this to be a good friend."  
  
Jake makes a sound that mixes some sort of grunt with exasperation.  
  
"No, I'm not!" He nearly glares at her. "You are– so _friggin'_ pretty, and there's no one I have feelings for now, so there's no one I'd rather go to prom with other than _you_. I mean– awkward prom date with a stranger versus a kickass prom _showdown_ with a friend?"  
  
He also pets Amy kindly on her leg, although he's a bit too kind with his petting and his hand lingers a bit.  
  
 _Amy's not complaining though._  
  
"I'd take you any day," he finishes, eyes locked with Amy's in a heated fashion.  
  
"Okay," Amy agrees, eyes not leaving Jake's either. "I'll go to prom with you."  
  
Jake grins, genuinely happy in a way that touches Amy.  
  
"Everyone's going to be so confused and upset seeing you take someone with two left feet out on the dance floor though– sure I won't be holding you back?"  
  
Jake chuckles. "Don't worry–" he assures, "you may not be the best dancer in the world at the moment, but I sure as hell don't know anyone who can kiss half as well as you do."  
  
Amy blushes, her heart (and loins) on fire from his words.  
  
"Thank you," and the way she says it must've made her sound too full of herself, because Jake seems to feel like he's tossed too much praise her way.  
  
"Actually, now that I think about it–" he strokes his chin, as if deep in thought. Amy vaguely wonders what he'd look like with a beard. "I've kind of forgotten how your kiss feels like– maybe I'm wrong and you _aren't_ that good a kisser after all."  
  
Amy tightens her gaze at him, but it only serves to spur him on further.  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Yup," he nods. " _Definitely_ don't think you're that great a kisser anymore. Maybe you should _prove it._ "  
  
He taps his lips, even puckers them in invitation. Whether he's just messing around or he's actually serious, Amy doesn't know, and Amy doesn't care.  
  
She abandons her chair, and settles in his lap, legs draped over the arm of the chair, perpendicular to his own. She pulls him down, arms encircling his neck as he willfully swoops down to taste her lips again.  
  
They engage in very senseless kissing, something that most of their kisses can be easily characterized as; they're in a frenzy, fighting and playing with lips, teeth, and tongue.  
  
It's evil, but Amy shifts against Jake strategically to elicit sounds she wants to hear, grinds against him on purpose— his hands grip her waist to keep her away but she doesn't listen to his hands.  
  
He loses to her insistent hips, and can only groan weakly in protest as she continues her onslaught on poor Jake Peralta.  
  
She feels him grow against her until she's satisfied enough to stop and pull away.  
  
"Am I a good kisser, Jake?" She asks, voice breathless and playful, drinking in the darkness of his gaze.  
  
" _The best_ ," he rasps, before pulling her back in for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO they are going to prom.... as friends. they r so dumb 
> 
> also im tired so i hope this doesn't suck? what evs bye


	10. an instant update of the world

**BRIEF INTERMISSION IN AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION, XXXX HOURS, DOOR LOCK ADVERTISEMENT: WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LOCK THE DOOR**  
  
Hello, and welcome to Door Locks: where we provide locks for doors so you can lock your doors!  
  
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Listen to some of our satisfied customers!  
  
Thanks to Door Locks, I'm able to keep my parents out when I play video games! Thank you Door Locks! _— Teenage Boy, Lying About The Video Games Thing, Actually Locks The Door So He Can Jerk Off Into A Sock In Secret_  
  
Because of Door Locks, I'm able to sleep soundly. Children are such a joy, but I need my beauty sleep! Haha! _— Suburban Mother, Also Lying About The Sleep Thing, Actually Locks The Door So She Can Do Sex Things With Her Spouse_  
  
Dude, lemme tell you... Door Locks are so great for when I'm working on my business ideas... it helps my brain stay so focused man...  _— Unemployed Thirty Something Year Old Man, Lives In Parents' Basement, This Guy Over Here Is The One Playing Video Games, He Also Smokes A Bunch Of Weed Laced With Other Stuff And Doesn't Want His Mom To Catch Him_  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1535 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM (SPONSORED BY DOOR LOCKS™)**  
  
When Jake entered the dressing room about twenty minutes ago, he did not lock the door because he did not expect to make out with Amy Santiago.  
  
He definitely did not expect that they'd be making out for as long as they have been. But she hasn't pushed him away, and no way in _hell_ is he pulling away from Amy when she's kissing him like this. When it comes to her, he'll take anything he can get, anything she wants to offer.  
  
His hands are in her hair when they hear the door handle to the dressing room twist open— it's at that exact moment that Jake also remembers how he failed to _lock the door._  
  
To be fair, he did not see how that was necessary at the time– but as he and Amy frantically separate (thankfully, the dressing room door is heavy and takes a while to open– in some cases, it even takes a few tries) Jake curses himself for not _bolting_ the door shut.  
  
Jake secretly vows to himself that from this very moment onward, he will always lock the door whenever he steps into a room, especially (and honestly, exclusively so) when he steps into a room containing Amy (and Amy alone).  
  
As the door swings open after the intruder finally gets the hefty thing to budge, Jake and Amy's heads whip around (in chairs far apart), as if they've just realized the presence of someone else whilst busily engaged in a very harmless, _very platonic_ activity.  
  
The intruder is Charles, and it’s a relief that Jake and Amy managed to break apart in time, or they'd never hear the end of it.  
  
However, Charles being Charles, milks the scene of Jake and Amy being in the same room alone for all it's worth, and they might as well have gotten caught kissing because the alternative could not be that much different from Charles' take on this scene.  
  
"Hi Charles," Jake and Amy greet in unison, "what are you doing here?"  
  
He gets this wide grin that spreads worryingly across his face as he carefully shuts the door behind him. He nearly falls in his attempt– because the door is still heavy and his body is still not the most athletically or physically inclined.  
  
"I was just in here to get a prop I left behind–" he picks up said prop, proving that he's telling the truth–"what are _you two_ doing in here?"  
  
Before either of them can answer the question, Charles starts speculating, eyes wide open in glee.  
  
"On a date? Falling in love? Having sex— _the kind that makes babies?_ "  
  
He finger-guns playfully at his last few words, and Jake regrets teaching Charles that, because aside from the creepy context of his already creepy words, the finger guns add to the creepiness, making the whole situation a lot creepier.  
  
Jake and Amy both grimace (why should they though? What Charles has suggested isn't anything they're opposed to at all, deep down).  
  
"Really, Charles?" Jake continues, "gross!"  
  
"Hey, _I'm_ not the one having sex that makes babies in the dressing room here," Charles retorts, having a point.  
  
"Well we weren't having sex— of _any_ kind in here. Not something we'd do in the dressing room or ever–" Amy nearly scoffs–"what even _gave_ you that idea?"  
  
Charles smirks, which scares both Jake and Amy. "I don't know maybe– _you two seem out of breath, Jake's lips are more swollen and red than usual by about 20% and Amy's lips are more swollen and red than usual by about 10%._ Now how do you explain _that?"_  
  
Amy doesn't plan to explain that; she only wants to deny Charles' accusations because he doesn't have _proof_ (and also leave because Charles' presence alone is very pressurizing).  
  
"Whatever, Charles. Jake and I weren't doing anything, and I don't have to explain myself. So if you'll excuse me, I have to practice for a scene _Holt_ told me to work on–"  
  
She leaves, and Jake wishes he had the confidence to pull off such a cool and attractive exit.  
  
"Uh yeah, me too, I gotta leave too–"  
  
Jake doesn't get within five feet of the door before Charles stops him. For someone who took an inordinately long time to get the door to the dressing room open, it's _impossible_ to get past him now.  
  
"Not so fast, Jakey. You're telling me _everything_ that happened."  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1540 HOURS, CONTROL ROOM**  
  
Of course, since she was lying, Amy doesn't _actually_ leave to practice a scene Holt told her to work on.  
  
She can still feel the heat of Jake's lips on hers, can still feel the way Jake's hands had tugged on her hair; with each new kiss, Amy feels the withdrawals of Jake's touch much more harshly than the ones before.  
  
She should probably stop kissing him— _haha, like that'll ever happen._  
  
Because for one, she has to do it for the play.  
  
And it's quite hard to quit kissing Jake if he keeps (successfully) tempting her to do it.  
  
She blushes then, because for someone who keeps claiming he doesn't like her that way, Jake sure loves kissing her.  
  
Which makes sense! It's completely plausible for someone (especially a hormonal high school boy) to enjoy kissing someone without feelings being involved.  
  
So Jake probably likes kissing Amy because _it feels good/is fun/he's a nasty eighteen year old boy who will kiss anyone that wants to kiss him_ and Amy just so happens to like kissing Jake because it feels good too.  
  
She also _does_  have a huge crush on him, but whatever.  
  
Anyway, right now, Amy's making her way towards the control room because Jake did just ask her out to prom and she still can't believe it.  
  
She feels this urge to tell someone, and seeks out Rosa's companionship by going to the control room.  
  
When she opens the door, she sees Rosa sitting alone at the control panel– not something she doesn't expect, but when Rosa's head flicks around to see her, she spots this excitement in Rosa's eye that falters when she sees Amy— like Rosa was expecting _someone else_ and is now disappointed to see Amy instead.  
  
Amy doesn't let that bother her— there are more pressing issues at hand that don't involve Amy's ego.  
  
_"Jake just asked me to prom,"_ she blurts out immediately without so much as a greeting.  
  
Rosa, to Amy's surprise, _groans_ in response.  
  
Obviously, Amy would never expect Rosa to shriek and give Amy a hug in excitement, but she would never have expected a groan either.  
  
Sure, Rosa's not as extreme about it as Charles (to be honest, _no one_ is as extreme about it as Charles), but Amy thought she was in favor of Jake and Amy being a thing. A couple.  
  
"Why? What's wrong?"  
  
"Damn it Jake, why couldn't you have been a coward for a few more _months?_ " She curses under her breath, and Amy's even more confused now.  
  
It's at that moment that the door opens again and Gina walks in. She pauses when she sees Amy's presence. Obviously, it's not an occurrence she's used to, and it gets Gina curious.  
  
"What's going on here?" She asks, with a level of suspicion matching a woman suspecting her spouse for cheating.  
  
"Jake just–"  
  
"No, _don't_ –" Rosa interrupts, more desperate than Amy's ever seen her, which shouldn't say much because Rosa's not the most emotive person but at the same time, it says a lot.  
  
_"–asked me to prom."_  
  
Unfortunately, Rosa was not fast enough to stop Amy, and only deflates in resignation whilst Gina seems to light up instantly.  


* * *

  
  
**BRIEF INTERMISSION IN AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION, XXXX HOURS, WHY GINA'S SO HAPPY EVEN THOUGH THE TWO DAY RULE ISN'T OVER (REMEMBER? THE TWO DAY RULE GETS ACTIVATED WHEN GINA/ROSA DIRECTLY MANIPULATES JAKE OR AMY OR JAKE AND AMY TO WIN A BET LIKE WHEN GINA TOLD JAKE AMY LIKED HIM— THEREFORE ANY BETS SHE WINS WITHIN THE NEXT TWO DAYS ARE NULL AND VOID AKA SHE DOESN'T GET THAT DOUGH!!!)**  
  
See, Gina being Gina, obviously went to hell and back trying to 'revoke' the two day rule—  
  
In that she begged Jake not to ask Amy out for two days.  
  
**_DUDE_**  
  
**_DID YOU ASK AMY OUT_**  
  
**_DONT_**  
  
**_FOR LIKE TWO DAYS AT LEAS T PLE A S E_**  
  
Gina succeeds in her endeavor, in a sense.  
  
_**uh... what? im not asking amy out anymore**_

 

* * *

  
  
_**wait why?? i mean good but why** _  


* * *

  
  
_**luke mueller asked her out on a date and she said yes so even if she did like me she prob doesn't like me anymore** _  


* * *

  
  
_**oh yeah maybe haha** _

 

* * *

  
  
Following that conversation, Gina sent selected screenshots of her conversation with Jake to Rosa, and she no longer had to worry about having any money forfeited for any bets won. Although, she would probably be at fault if Jake continues to think that Amy doesn’t have feelings for him.  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1545 HOURS, CONTROL ROOM**  
  
"Yes!" Gina cheers as she parades towards Rosa, hands outstretched. "Time to pay up again, Diaz."  
  
Rosa glares in a chillingly horrifying way, eyes narrowing into slits at Amy who worries for her life. "You couldn't wait till _after_ the play to tell her that?"  
  
Gina prods Rosa's shoulder playfully. "Sweetie, if you don't pay up, I'll do a _pat down_ for that five you owe."  
  
Rosa groans and pulls out a five dollar bill, smacking it into Gina's hand.  
  
"I'm winning that money back–" she swears with a finger pointed at Gina–" _next bet_."  
  
"Wait–" Amy interrupts–"do you two make _bets_ about me and Jake?"  
  
"Yeah," Gina admits simply, before turning to eye Rosa in a pointed manner. "And it's proving to be a _great_ money-making venture."  
  
Amy proceeds to sigh, not bothering to question them any further, choosing to spill everything that went down with Jake instead.  
  
She doesn't even need to update Rosa on her newly-realized feelings for Jake because _of course_ Gina told her everything (Amy strongly suspects it's bet-related).  
  
"–I mean, how does going to prom as friends even _work?_ "  
  
"Wait–" Gina stops her–"you're going to prom as _friends?_ "  
  
"This is bullshit." Rosa shakes her head. "Give me back my money, Linetti."  
  
Gina ignores her. "God damn it Jacob," she curses under her breath instead, before looking up at Amy. "Did you tell Jake you don't want to go as friends?"  
  
Amy shakes her head. "Why would I?"  
  
Gina inhales deeply, and begins pacing around in a very frustrated manner. On the other hand, however, Rosa is smiling.  
  
"What's wrong, Gina?" She asks, almost tauntingly, which Amy can't comprehend because she can't think of a reason why Rosa would want to goad Gina at all. "Got something to _say_ about that?"  
  
Gina puts on her most unaffected smile, looking at Rosa in the most unsettling way.  
  
"No," she replies, "do you?"  
  
Rosa shakes her head.  
  
And Amy has never felt so confused.  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1603 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
When Holt finally arrives for rehearsal, Jake and Amy are instructed to keep working on their dance routine whilst Holt oversees other aspects of the play.  
  
Jake's twirling Amy and they're both giggling when Amy slams into Jake a little harder than she needs to.  
  
"We messed that one up," she quips as she pulls away from Jake.  
  
"Oh yeah, that was us messing up. _Totally_ didn't do that on purpose," he grins, his voice lightly sarcastic, which makes Amy’s heart tremor uncontrollably.  
  
She rolls her eyes, which are ironically filled with affection. She doesn’t chide him for pulling her too close, but obviously she doesn’t praise him either.  
  
"You're getting better at this," he remarks, as he dips Amy back and she lets him do so with ease. "Gonna look great for prom night."  
  
"And more importantly, _the play_ ," she emphasizes.  
  
"Oh yeah, that," Jake lets out a tight-lipped chuckle as he continues to move back and forth with Amy. "Either way, I think you're gonna look great dancing. You already look great right now."  
  
Amy swoons at his words, and armed with the knowledge that Jake does in fact find her pretty, she wallows in his praise.  
  
"Maybe that’s because I have a good partner,” she blushes shyly. "For what it’s worth, I think you'll look great dancing too."  
  
"Hmm, 'look great' how?" He asks, winking at Amy, inadvertently increasing the chances of her dying in his arms.  
  
She pretends to look unamused. "Well, I was just saying what you said."  
  
" _Copycat."_  
  
She huffs, and it makes him chortle heartily as he leads her in yet another dance move she doesn't know the name to. Or whether it even has a name.  
  
"You're really starting to trust me," Jake remarks, with pleasant disbelief that he actually pulled the move off with Amy.  
  
"Because you're not undeserving of my trust. But we should start figuring out a proper routine to show Holt," she instructs.  
  
"Right," Jake nods. "Totally had that plan in mind too."  
  
"Okay," Amy steps in tandem with Jake. "So what's the routine?"  
  
"Let's not rush that," Jake suggests. "You're improving, but you still need more practice."  
  
Amy doesn't argue with him. He's the more experienced dancer between them, after all. "I agree, but we should settle on something today. Maybe– first few moves?"  
  
"Or... we could decide on how to do the kiss."  
  
He says it so casually, yet manages to make every hair on the back of Amy's neck come to a standstill.  
  
She plays it as casual as she can, too.  
  
"Excited about kissing me?" She teases.  
  
"Yes," he responds simply, and Amy's heart jumps in her throat at his honesty.  
  
"Oh... okay." She takes in a deep breath, taking care not to show how flustered she is. "We kissed like... just now though."  
  
"I know," he acknowledges. "But kissing you is _so fun.”_ He twirls her, multiple times in quick succession, and Amy's heart stops at the way he looks at her when catching her tightly back in his arms again.  
  
They're not dancing anymore, and Amy decides to make an acting choice right then and there– _by kissing Jake smack on the lips._  
  
He kisses her back immediately (not that she had expected anything else). They kiss gently enough for Amy to feel his laugh against her lips; it's not mocking in any way, but Amy feels the need to take Jake down a notch.  
  
She does this by sticking her tongue out of her mouth and sliding it over Jake's lips.  
  
The effect is instantaneous. It _paralyzes_ him, and Amy nearly laughs herself because Jake's lips are tightly shut and she can feel his heart pounding against her chest.  
  
It's his fault for pulling her so close, but it makes Amy's inadvertent revenge (for the time he kissed her before her date) all the more sweet. No one can see the hell and turmoil Amy's putting Jake through, because she's being very subtle about her lip licking, and she's supposed to be kissing him anyway.  
  
_Theater's so much fun._  
  
When Amy finally pulls away, she offers him a sly smile as a weak form of reparation.  
  
"I think it's time for a water break," she declares, before walking off.  
  
Jake catches up with her quickly enough backstage, as she slowly gets her bottle out and uncaps it with a similar speed.  
  
"What was that?" He asks, and Amy finds herself enjoying her newfound power.  
  
She knows her heart is still weak with possibly one-sided feelings, but Jake is still a boy as desperate as the lot of them; getting his lips licked by a girl he's admitted to finding pretty must have certainly turned him to mush.  
  
"What was what?" She feigns ignorance in a cloyingly innocent manner, and she sees Jake's annoyance plain as day in the way he grunts, in the way his brows tighten and furrow.  
  
Amy finds she quite enjoys riling him up this way; something Jake's achieved with her many times before using different methods.  
  
She loves _her_ methods.  
  
"Your tongue. _On my lips."_  
  
"What tongue?" She continues, blinking innocently. "I was only kissing you for the play– we have a dance routine involving _a concluding kiss scene_ to plan for, remember?"  
  
Jake huffs. "This is revenge, isn't it?"  
  
"You slip your tongue in, I slip my tongue in. Now we're even."  
  
"Your tongue didn't even _go_ in," he presses on, "just... went sliding over my lips."  
  
_Well, it was his fault for keeping his mouth so tightly shut,_ but Amy mentions none of that. She chooses to wink.  
  
"I know." Amy walks away, leaving Jake absolutely stunned.  
  
He watches Amy walk back to stage, waiting for him, not sensing Charles (who had secretly witnessed the whole thing) at his side until he speaks.  
  
_"What is going on with you two..."_  
  
Jake's not even jaded by his presence. Nothing beats what Amy's done.  
  
"I don't know buddy," he creaks. "I still can't remember how to breathe."  
  
"In and out, Jake, in and out."  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0755 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY'S HOMEROOM**  
  
When Amy walks in on Jake rejecting a girl's offer to prom, she won't lie, it's a sight that makes her day.  
  
That rejection starts the ball rolling. In homeroom alone, Jake rejects about five girls, all of which are witnessed by Amy.  
  
She won't lie again, she enjoys watching all these rejections. Not because she was jealous of those girls and how much too nicely Jake treated them, but because... he's just, _incredibly_ entertaining.  
  
"Look Molly, I'm looking for something serious– like, _marriage serious,_ and it's clear you just want to spend a night with someone who dances really well and is also _super_ handsome. And as much as I want to do that for you, I really can't because I don't want to. Because it's not serious! And I'm a _really_ serious guy. You get it."  
  
See? Amy had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing at Jake's horrible rejection skills. It's not her fault he's such a mess.  
  
"Okay, I'm really sorry to say this but— BRAD ALREADY ASKED YOU? AND YOU SAID YES? This is very rude, Denise! What if I wanted to take you? I mean, I don't, and I guess this makes things way easier– so... thank you?"  
  
It turns out that not every girl that had asked Jake out was head-over-heels committed to going to prom with him. Not everyone is in love with Jake– a concept which secretly confuses Amy just a little bit, but mostly relieves her.  
  
"Hey, I guess I can't go to– oh. You never asked me to prom in the first place. Sounds about right."  
  
So Jake's rejections go on more or less uneventfully, but one or two people do ask Jake who he's taking instead of them.  
  
To which, Amy may or may not have proudly raised her hand.  
  
(It stops Jake's heart to see her that way, and he thanks his lucky stars he gets to go to prom with someone so precious.)  
  
"Oh–" they usually respond. "I didn't know you two were going out, but makes sense. Congratulations."  
  
This gets Jake and Amy (unconvincingly) protesting as hard as they possibly can.  
  
"What? Dating? No! We're going to prom as _friends."_  
  
"Have you never heard about the power of _friendship,_ Rebecca?"  
  
This makes everyone involved uncomfortable.  
  
"Uh... cool... I'll just be leaving now?"  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1319 HOURS, EN ROUTE TO GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS**  
  
Needless to say, if Jake had turned down any girl's request for prom after homeroom, Amy wasn't there to see it.  
  
These words are ones she eats hard when she makes her way to Global Studies Class. Because in the distance, she spots Jake behind one of the school buildings, seemingly involved in a _very_ heated discussion with some girl Amy vaguely remembers seeing in a class or two. It doesn't really matter, Amy doesn't know her too well.  
  
But Jake's definitely rejecting her prom invite, and she's definitely very unhappy about it. It worries Amy, because she doesn't know this girl well as mentioned, _but_ she recalls rumors of her less-than-ideal temperament and whispers of her being prone to violence.  
  
Amy takes to her heels– she can't let her prom date and more importantly _friend_ Jake get hurt can she?  
  
"Hey, what's going on?" She asks when she's caught up with Jake and... _yeah there's no point in trying._ She doesn't remember this girl's name.  
  
They both turn to look at her, and Jake looks even more nervous than before, seeing Amy here.  
  
"Oh great–" he says tightly–" _Amy's here now._ "  
  
The girl squints her eyes at Amy with suspicion. "Who're _you?"_  
  
"We're friends," Jake explains, failing to mention that Amy's also his prom date.  
  
She relaxes slightly at that, remembering Amy, which is more than Amy can say for herself since she still can't remember this girl.  
  
"Oh yeah– drama club right?" She places her hands around her hips. "Well, Amy, what's happening here is that your friend Jake is being an _asshole_ and backing out of going to prom with me even though he already _agreed."_  
  
Amy throws Jake a questioning look immediately, who shakes his head profusely.  
  
"Come on, be cool Patricia!"  
  
_Patricia?_ Amy would’ve never guessed that to be her name in a million years. Oops.  
  
"I never said yes," Jake continues. "I only said I'd _think_ about it–"  
  
"No, no no, no! I remember what happened clearly. You said 'That sounds great!' Doesn't that mean yes?"  
  
She appeals to Amy, who only shrugs in response.  
  
"I said 'That sounds great but _I'll have to think about it'!_ Not my fault you walked away so quickly!"  
  
Patricia huffs in disbelief. "Whatever, I don't care. You made a promise, so you can't just cancel!"  
  
Jake lifts his arms up in confusion.  
  
"I didn't promise anything!"  
  
"Look–" Amy cuts in. "Jake _clearly_ doesn't want to go to prom with you, so why bother about whatever promise you think he made?"  
  
"I don't care if he likes me. I _want_ a date to prom."  
  
"Okay... but Jake already _has_ a date to prom."  
  
Jake gives Amy a look of caution, begging her not to say it with shakes of his head. She can't believe he's trying to _protect_ her from whatever Patricia's wrath might bring. Because _she_ came all the way here to protect _him._  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Me," says Amy with absolute conviction. "Jake and I are going to prom together."  
  
Amy braces herself for whatever Patricia's reaction will be– a punch, a slap, a screaming match, a full on fight–  
  
She doesn't expect her to _laugh._  
  
"You kidding me? I don't believe you for a _second–_ aren't you friends? And if I'm not wrong— aren't you dating Teddy Wells?"  
  
Jake rolls his eyes, clearly more perturbed about Patricia thinking Amy and Teddy are still an item than Patricia not buying their (completely true!!!) story.  
  
"Really, Patricia? That was so last year. They're completely done. Broken up. _Over."_  
  
Patricia rolls her eyes. "Okay fine– so they're broken up— doesn't mean it's not obvious that you're just using your friend to lie so you can get out of going to prom with me."  
  
"But we're not lying!" Jake insists desperately. "I really did ask her, and it was super scary but she said yes– so we're going together, and so I can't take you to prom, Patricia. I _won't_ take you to prom."  
  
Patricia looks a little hurt by that– tears threaten to fall from her eyes (so perhaps she likes Jake a little more than she claims to), but she's still not convinced.  
  
"Kiss him," she says to Amy.  
  
"What?"  
  
" _Kiss him_ ," Patricia says with a heartened grin, encouraged by how thrown off-guard Amy is. "If he's not just your friend, and you're _really_ his prom date– kiss him."  
  
Amy spots Jake smirking from the corner of her eye. He looks a little bit too happy about this– but all things considered, Patricia could've asked them to do worse things.  
  
And obviously, Amy's more than open to the idea of kissing Jake.  
  
So she grabs Jake by the waist and pulls him in. Jake quickens the process by tilting his head down to meet her lips halfway.  
  
It's quite honestly the highlight of Amy's day, getting to kiss Jake (yes, better than watching him reject girls). She doesn't think about anything (and neither does he) as they kiss; it's slow, languid, and absolutely perfect.  
  
And despite the stressful circumstances that surround them, that _threw_ them into the kiss in the first place, Amy finds herself in a state of... tranquility.  
  
The sounds of departing footsteps and choked tears fill the air. Patricia's bark turns out to be much worse than her bite, which guilts Amy. But pulling away from Jake proves to be an arduous task– for one, she doesn't want to, and also– Jake's grip on her waist is tight and unyielding.  
  
In fact, he even _deepens_ the kiss when Patricia leaves, which has Amy feeling hot and bothered– making it more vital for her to stop kissing Jake.  
  
"She's gone," Amy remarks as she pulls away, and means for her words to serve as a reminder for Jake– a reminder that they can stop kissing. That they _should_ stop kissing.  
  
"Thanks to you, my knight in shining armor," he murmurs in a low, sinfully husky voice.  
  
"I'm not wearing anything–"  
  
She means armor– she's not wearing any _armor,_ because she's not a _knight_. But the way she's phrased it conveniently allows Jake to misinterpret her words on purpose.  
  
"Mm, hot. You as a naked knight, that is."  
  
Amy rolls her eyes. "Whatever– she's gone now, can we go to class? We're running late."  
  
Jake shakes his head. "I need more kisses."  
  
"Seriously Jake?"  
  
"What?" He's already leaning in, and she's making no effort to stop him. "That was _super_ traumatic. I need to heal."  
  
"And kissing me's supposed to help you 'heal'?"  
  
"Trust me, if you went through something like that, you'd be begging for my lips too."  
  
Amy sighs, but lets Jake get in a few more seconds of kissing before she pushes him away again.  
  
"Jake, we're running late–"  
  
"Okay but–" he inhales deeply, as if seriously considering what he's about to say next. _"I have something to tell you."_  
  
Amy's heart is pounding, her mind running wild with the endless possibilities– could this be it? Could Jake really be about to tell her what she wishes, _dreams_ to hear from him?  
  
"What is it?" She tries _so hard_ to keep her cool.  
  
"You're... you're a really good friend."  
  
Amy socks Jake as hard as she's capable of in the shoulder, ignoring his cry of pain.  
  
"Ow! What's wrong? I can't miss a few minutes of class to tell you how much I _appreciate_ you?"  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0813 HOURS, JAKE'S LOCKER (THE NEXT DAY, OBVIOUSLY)**  
  
A piece of paper falls out of Jake's locker when he opens it to get his stuff for first period. When he picks it up, he realizes it's not just a piece of paper, but a _picture._  
  
Of him and Amy.  
  
_Kissing._  
  
And as he looks left and right, Jake quickly sees that he's not the only one who's received this mystery gift in his locker.  
  
The picture's in _everyone's_ lockers.  
  
Fear strikes Jake's heart, and his eyes immediately search for Amy, who's just discovering the picture, _completely_ frozen in place.  
  
Sounds of people giggling, speculating about the people in the picture (most of them being right about their suspicions) are all drowned out by his concern for Amy.  
  
But before he can catch up to her, Amy takes off and enters her first period classroom.  
  
All Jake can do is check the picture of him and Amy for any possible indication of whoever's responsible for this.  
  
Jake grits his teeth when he sees the bottom of the paper.  
  
_He's just been Booned._  


* * *

  
  
**BRIEF INTERMISSION IN AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION, XXXX HOURS, WHO'S BOONE AND WHY HE  S U C K S**  
  
Boone is a member of the school's band. For years, the drama club and the band have been at odds, and it's largely because of how _inferior_ the band is. Even though they claim to be more relevant than the drama club because they play at all major football matches their school competes in.  
  
(Although... one could argue that that isn't much of a brag since their football team hardly wins any games.)  
  
The band hates the drama club because they're the only ones allowed to use the school theater. Meanwhile, the band is relegated to practice in stuffy rooms, hold performances in the school auditorium– which fail to draw in audiences the drama club is capable of bringing.  
  
To be fair, it's the band's fault for being petty and consistently choosing to perform on the same days the drama club holds their plays, forcing the student body and other audiences to choose between both performances.  
  
But either way, the band's performances have never been very popular (Gina believes it's poor publicity, Jake thinks it's because no one can stand looking at Boone's face for longer than a minute).  
  
Over the years, the drama club and the band's rivalry has featured several prank wars. And like all long lasting wars, there have been stalemates, truces, times of peace (usually, in which a member of the drama club and a member of the band were dating and both sides were afraid of the couple snitching).  
  
However, as evidenced by the picture the entire student body currently holds onto, Boone's tired of the peace.  
  
_And it's time for the drama club to strike back._  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1248 HOURS, SECOND LAST PERIOD**  
  
Jake spends the entire day thinking up crazy revenge plots for what Boone has shamelessly done– he obviously wanted Jake to know it was him, because he left a streak of gold on the bottom of Jake's picture, and Boone plays a gold-looking instrument (that Jake does not care to know the name to), so obviously, it's a clear and _definitive_ sign that Boone was the perpetrator of this heinous crime.  
  
...plus Boone also wrote his entire name in capital letters at the back of Jake's picture. Complete with a taunting message. So there's that.  
  
Jake badly wants revenge on Boone, because from what he's heard throughout the day, almost everyone's figured out that he's making out with Amy in that badly taken photo, and needless to say, it hasn't been a very peaceful day.  
  
He can't imagine what it's been like for Amy, but every second he stops thinking up revenge plots, he starts to worry about her– which sends him in a downward spiral.  
  
Jake really hopes that Amy's okay. He wants to ask her about it, but if he texts her and she ignores him he'll be _crushed,_ and tracking her down in real life would attract too much attention, and probably start all sorts of scandals.  
  
So Jake's looking forward to Global Studies class, but at the same time, he's absolutely dreading it. He's never dreaded Global Studies– it signifies the last class of the day, and to be frank he's been more excited about attending that particular class as of recent because he gets to see Amy.  
  
But as it turns out, Jake doesn't have to dread going to Global Studies class because he gets sent out halfway through his second-last class.  
  
_"Jake Peralta, you're wanted at Principal Podolski's office."_  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1253 HOURS, WALKING TOWARDS HIS DEATH**  
  
Jake almost can't believe he's being sent to the principal's office.  
  
Okay, he can believe it. Kissing on school grounds is against the rules, and Boone stuffing a picture of Jake and Amy in everyone's locker wasn't exactly keeping things discreet.  
  
But he didn't think about that possibility at all, having spent the entire day thinking up revenge (which he now has to _completely_ start over on, because getting screwed over _this much_ warrants a bigger, better plan), and also worrying about Amy–  
  
Who is ten feet ahead of him, having just left her class in confusion as well.  
  
"Amy?" He calls out quietly, because even though they're currently out of sight of the students in the surrounding classes, he doesn't want anyone to hear and get too curious.  
  
She whips her head around, and the immense relief in her eyes is comforting.  
  
"Jake!" She says, in a tone of equal caution, and catches up to him.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asks, because Amy Santiago has never gotten in trouble– at least nothing "principal's office" big, and she must surely resent him because obviously it's entirely his fault.  
  
She lowers her head slightly, but nods.  
  
"Yeah, just... a little scared. I've never gotten called to the principal's office before. Everyone kept staring at me as I left."  
  
Her words kick Jake into a pit of suffocating guilt. He squeezes her arm as a comforting gesture.  
  
"Hey, I'm really sorry. This is _completely_ my fault, and I'll make sure you don't get in any real trouble, okay? I'll take all the blame."  
  
Her eyes glaze over with something Jake can't make out. Maybe it's gratitude?  
  
"Thanks Jake, but I don't think it would help–" she inhales–"I mean, _both_ of us are in the picture."  
  
He shrugs. "I'll just say I was a jackass who forced himself on you."  
  
Amy furrows her eyebrows. "No, I'm not letting you say that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you're not that kind of guy. I won't let _anyone_ think that of you– especially not the principal. Besides, if anyone was forcing themselves on anyone, that would be me."  
  
Jake snickers, running his fingers across his hair. "Come on, you only kissed me because of Patricia. I mean, it was a great kiss so _bless her_ but– you didn't force me into anything."  
  
Amy reddens slightly, and he can't take his eyes off her pretty cheeks. She looks shy, and it's a wonderful sight.  
  
"Well, I was going to kiss you to make her go away anyway, so–"  
  
Okay, now _that_ wasn't shy at all.  
  
Jake feels himself blush. “You sure had a plan, huh?"  
  
"Never enter a situation without one."  
  
He titters, and if one were to look at them, they'd see a couple sneaking out of class to meet up, not two students coincidentally getting called to the principal's office at the same time.  
  
"Besides," Amy continues, "I don't think anyone would believe that kiss wasn't _consensual–_ I mean..."  
  
"Yeah, your hands were all over me–" she hits him hard on the shoulder–" _ow!_ But it's true!"  
  
She huffs, because it is, and that was exactly what she had been implying in the first place, but Jake's a cocky asshole who needs to be put in his place.  
  
"That's irrelevant, Jake– we need to be discussing how we're gonna get through this."  
  
Jake actually does ponder their options.  
  
"Hmm... Passionate lovers who don't care about the rules?"  
  
Amy shakes her head.  
  
"Uh... friends trying to protest against... how interracial marriage used to be illegal?"  
  
"What?! That doesn't make sense– interracial marriage was legalized in 1967, it's too weird to be mad about that _now."_  
  
Jake grins. "I love how you just know that– also 1967? _Seriously?_ It took America that long to get there?"  
  
"Yeah– but it's legal now, so you can marry someone non-white, and no one will arrest you."  
  
"Like you,” he effuses, with eyes Amy could fall into any day. "We could get married. I mean, not like I _want to,_ but like. We could." He laughs nervously. "Maybe we should ditch the principal's office and go get married. Then they can't get mad at us! Because marriages are _super important._ "  
  
She looks like she wants to roll her eyes, but is just managing to resist the urge.  
  
"Trust me, they'll just get even angrier," she says, sighing. “Just hope they won't tell our parents– _or worse,_ call them to the office."  
  
Jake finds this notion ridiculous.  
  
"What? Why would our parents be here?"  


* * *

  
  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1259 HOURS, OPENING THE DOOR TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE**  
  
"Oh crap," Jake mutters to himself. _"Our parents are here."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guess whos back after her 345678765 day long hiatus lmao kidding
> 
> i knew y'all wouldn't bother to read this if i put it before the chapter so here it is now
> 
> no offense to band ppl like seriously yall r fukin dope the drama club just REALLY hates the band in this school and lets just say the band gets trash talked big time don't cry if ur in band
> 
> *blows kiss to brooklyn* for patricia
> 
> also many thanks to @evilqueenofgallifrey for being my beta and also making my life better ily and also HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO @hotelsweet AKA DARCEY!!!!!!!!!!! go wish her a happy birthday or no chapter 11
> 
> theres a big storm coming get ready
> 
> is it a big storm of FUN or death who knows
> 
> any comments or asks on tumblr or kudos r v appreciated love y'all!!!!!!!!!


	11. she's a backseat driver, a drama provider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is for ana/jo @johnnydora/@rosiadiaz because i do everything for her suck it ana

**PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, 1300 HOURS, OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**  
  
Jake and Amy can't believe their eyes. Their parents... are _actually_ here.  
  
Except for well, _Jake's dad_ , but y'know– divorce and stuff.  
  
"Jake and Amy," Principal Podolski notes flatly, a look of ugly contempt on his face. "Please, close the door and take a seat."  
  
Karen's smiling almost too cheekily at Jake– she doesn't look the _least_ bit angry, which is a huge contrast to the daggers with which Amy's father glares at him.  
  
He takes a deep breath; the silence in the room quickly driving him up against a wall.  
  
" _So..._ what's up?"  
  
Amy shuts her eyes in pain at Jake's words. This is going to be a long ride.  
  


* * *

  
**PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, 1302 HOURS, LONG RIDE**  
  
With his clammy hands, Principal Podolski slides the picture _(y'know, the one everyone in school has seen)_ towards Jake and Amy.  
  
While they're not exactly surprised, having to look at the picture next to their parents isn't enjoyable in the least.  
  
One might even consider this _torture._  
  
"Wow, that's... not a great angle," Jake blurts out in a quaver, to which he gets a questioning look from Amy. _"Sorry, I'm spiraling!"_  
  
She breathes in silently but deeply.  
  
"Anyway..." Jake continues on in a more confident sounding voice, folding his arms rebelliously. "What makes you think _those_ two people are me and Amy here?"  
  
_The confidence doesn't help._  
  
"You're wearing the exact _same_ hoodie and leather jacket ensemble seen in the photo right now," Principal Podolski points out, with his wrinkled finger.  
  
" _Crap, he's good,_ " Jake mutters to himself, before looking up obstinately. "Fine, then how do you know that that's _Amy_ I'm kissing and not some other girl? AND, how do you know it's not some _other_ dude wearing a hoodie and leather jacket? It's a perfectly common, cool–"  
  
"Jake–" Amy taps his hand gently–" _drop it._ They know it's us."  
  
Jake slouches back into his chair, leather jacket clad arms crossed in frustration. "Why did Rosa have to give me this stupid _super awesome_ leather jacket?"  
  
"Rosa?" Victor straightens in his seat. "There's _another_ girl?"  
  
"What?" Jake groans in disdain. "God, you kiss _one girl_ and suddenly your friends can't give you leather jackets for your birthday."  
  
"Oh, is that _all_ our Amy is to you?" Camila accuses, biting her lip to keep from laughing because Jake looks so flustered. "Just 'one girl'?"  
  
"Uh, no! Not at all!" Jake gulps, fearing for his life. "If anything, Amy's THE girl, haha–" he leans into Amy's side–" _help me please–"_  
  
"Rosa's our _friend,_ " Amy explains calmly, giving her mother a pointed look for scaring the living daylights out of Jake. "And has nothing to do with this.”  
  
She looks resolutely at Principal Podolski, who looks super old, like an elderly person. “So can we proceed with _why_ we're here now?"  
  
Jake's slightly taken aback (or more accurately, _aroused_ ) by how forward Amy is with Principal Podolski. Apparently, even _authority_ can't stop Amy from missing class.  
  
Principal Podolski takes a deep breath. He looks tired. And bald.  
  
"Kids, we try to close an eye if you don't get caught... But this picture has been circulating–“  
  
_(A huge understatement, as the picture's the non-internet version of viral.)_  
  
“–and getting too much attention. So we have to crack down on this before parents start complaining."  
  
_"Narcs_ ," Jake mutters under his breath, getting a bewildered look from Principal Podolski, who frowns in a grotesque manner.  
  
"Anyway," he continues, looking pale and disgusting. "I think this comes as a shock to us all. Amy, you're a straight A student–"  
  
"What?!" Jake exclaims. "Wait, never mind, I knew that–" he turns to look at Amy–"you keep getting all these _Smarty Pants_ awards, hard to forget with how much you brag," he teases.  
  
"And yet you forgot anyway," Amy says with a pointed smile. "Also, they're not called 'Smarty Pants' awards."  
  
Jake rolls his eyes, but there's no real annoyance to it.  
  
"Whatever, we're not all geniuses like you, or _beautiful_ like you– damn it Amy, you're too perfect!" He narrows his eyes at her, unaware of... how foolish he's being. "Are you sure you're not a robot sent by aliens designed to destroy us all?"  
  
_Does Jake ever think things through?_ He's in front of the principal, his mom, _both_ of Amy's parents, and he's just unknowingly but very blatantly flirted with Amy. It is the wrong time, heck, it is the worst time for Jake to be _this_ stupid.  
  
But then again, he's _spiraling,_ so do forgive him.  
  
"No, Jake," Amy stammers, because god how does a boy like him _exist_ (she means this in a Good and also frustrating way)? "And... that's not the point.”  
  
She turns away to face the principal so she doesn't swoon any harder than she already is. “Principal Podolski, you were saying?"  
  
"Uh–"  
  
"Dude, you forgot what you were saying already?"  
  
Principal Podolski's rat eyes flash with momentary fury at Jake. "As I was saying, Amy, you're an amazing student. Teachers have nothing but praise when they talk about you. You've shown great potential in your work, and your academic capability will definitely put you in a great college when you graduate."  
  
He turns to look at Jake now, smirking in an appallingly smug manner. Like he said all that stuff about Amy to make some kind of point, which he did, obviously.  
  
"And as for Jake– well... you're a _student._ "  
  
"Wow," Jake huffs, "thanks for clearing _that_ up."  
  
Of course, he's not at all perturbed by the comparison of Amy's academic prowess with his– lack thereof. He's just generally annoyed by everything Principal Podolski seems to do or say and the feeling is apparently very mutual.  
  
"Oh god," Victor heaves, "this isn't one of those things where someone's being a bad influence on our Amy, is it?"  
  
"Hey!" Jake grouses offendedly. "My name is _Jake_! Wait, maybe you not knowing that was better. Never mind."  
  
"I just think this is all _crazy_ ," Karen protests, finally speaking her mind. "Why are you stomping on young love? Just let them be happy."  
  
"Yeah!" Jake fist-pumps in assent, before realizing what his mother's just said. "Wait, no! _Mom_ , we're not in love!"  
  
"That's even worse!" Camila cuts in disapprovingly. "Don't tell me this is one of those... 'hook ups'."  
  
"Ew!" Amy grimaces, as does her father. "Mom, no! That's not what this is either."  
  
"Then what _exactly_ is the meaning of this?" Principal Podolski asks in irritation, exhaling such that his nostrils expand in the most unattractive manner possible.  
  
This is when Jake and Amy look at each other resolutely. They just want this to be over already.  
  
"Let's just tell them the truth," Amy decides in resignation.  
  
"Yeah," Jake nods, looking earnestly at Principal Podolski, who still looks super unappealing. "Amy was my knight in shining–"  
  
"You know what Jake?" Amy interjects, prompting him to stop. "I think it's better if I explain. _Everything_."  
  
Jake lowers his head with an obedient but understanding gulp. "Right, good call."  
  
She smiles confidently. "This all started because I was helping Jake out of an... _inconvenient_ situation."  
  
Principal Podolski looks unconvinced and hideous. "What kind of situation would require–" he gestures uncomfortably at the picture, Jake and Amy's kiss still clear as day and enlarged for all to see–"that?"  
  
"Uh, you see..." Amy clears her throat awkwardly. Explaining this all by herself isn't exactly a walk in the park.  
  
Despite how badly he would've explained their (very innocent!!) story, Amy finds that a bad joke or two from Jake right now would actually alleviate her stress.  
  
"Jake had to reject a lot of girls' invitations to prom lately because he can't take more than one girl to prom.”  
  
Karen gently ruffles Jake's hair. "Aw– my little Ladies' Man..."  
  
" _Anyway_ ," Amy continues, totally not jealous regarding Jake's popularity with girls in their school, "this one girl wasn't taking the rejection so well, to the point where it seemed like he was in real _physical danger_ , so I stepped in."  
  
The repulsive Principal Podolski scoffs derisively. "You helped him by _kissing_ him?"  
  
"Classic fake girlfriend tactic! _Come on Principal Podolski_!" Jake scorns just as disdainfully.  
  
"But that doesn't mean you had to kiss him," Camila points out, almost cheekily, "couldn't you have just _told_ this girl you were dating? Hugged him?"  
  
"That's because she told us to _prove_ it," Amy retorts, refusing to crack under her mother's teasing words. She's trying to sound like she's lecturing Amy, but Amy knows her mother better than that.  
  
"Okay, but couldn't you have just given him a quick peck on the cheek? _Surely_ there was no need for–"  
  
"I mean–" Jake interrupts in Amy’s defense–"it's not _that_ big a deal; Amy and I kind of kiss almost every day anyway."  
  
"What?" Exclaims Principal Podolski and Victor. Karen and Camila on the other hand, only look interested to hear more.  
  
"And... things just got from _bad_ to _worse_." He rests his head in his hands, exhaling as he sits up to explain himself. "Look, Amy and I act as a couple in the upcoming school production. _Spoiler alert,_ we kiss in the play! Hence the almost daily smooching– okay?" He takes a deep breath. "See? Nothing weird going on here, just actors doing what actors do."  
  
"Amy, why were we not informed about this?" Victor confronts almost angrily.  
  
But Amy doesn't apologize– _she snaps at her father._  
  
"Dad, I'm eighteen years old– my lips belong to me. It's none of your business what I choose to do with them, be it for a school play or– or even for _fun!"_  
  
Victor, although a bit taken aback, realizes his mistake. "I... I'm sorry, dear. I was being too overprotective."  
  
"Well–" Principal Podolski continues unsightly–"while it is admirable, what you did for your _friend,_ kissing on school grounds is still against the rules."  
  
"But we already kiss on 'school grounds' all the time!" Jake objects. "Can't you just pretend we were doing it for the play?"  
  
Principal Podolski leans back in his chair contemplatively, causing Jake and Amy to hold their breath.  
  
"No."  
  
"Darn it! We shouldn't have told the truth, Ames."  
  
To everyone's surprise, the door to Principal Podolski's office clicks open at that moment, and an unexpected guest shows up to the party.  
  


* * *

  
**PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE, 1317 HOURS, GUESS WHO?????????**  
  
"Gina?!" Jake and Amy explode in bewilderment.  
  
"Hello, kids." She waves sweetly, before turning to look at Principal Podolski (who’s super gross! Just a reminder!) authoritatively. "Principal Podolski, I'm gonna need you to let my actors here leave now."  
  
"Miss Linetti, that is something I'm incapable of at the moment. I'm supposed to issue them a punishment."  
  
_A punishment?_ Yikes. Jake looks at Amy who freezes up in fear at this, feeling sorry for her. He's just about to volunteer to take on whatever Amy's punishment is alongside his own when Gina responds to the useless principal.  
  
"Excuse me? I am Gina Linetti– _publicity director_ of the drama club. Amongst my _many_ other titles," she drawls. "For realz, this school would fall apart without me."  
  
"I don't..." Principal Podolski furrows his greying eyebrows (which coincidentally, also seem to be balding along with his head). "I don't see the _relevance_ of your job in this incident, Miss Linetti, I really don't."  
  
Gina folds her arms, leaning against the wall. "Are you trying to tell me that my actors are being punished for participating in a _mandatory_ publicity photo shoot? What kind of discrimination is this?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
Everyone says this with differing degrees of shock, with the exception of Jake and Amy, who also have no idea what's going on but decide to go along with it, and Gina (for obvious reasons).  
  
"But what about the whole... fake girlfriend thing?" Karen asks, like she's rooting for that story to be true.  
  
"Uh..." Jake scratches his head. "We were lying?"  
  
"Why would you lie?" Principal Podolski questions atrociously. "This publicity photo shoot story sounds _much_ more plausible than pretending to date because a girl Jake rejected for prom wasn't taking it too well."  
  
" _Because–_ they were keeping the photo shoot thing a secret, _just_ like I told them to," Gina flawlessly explains. Jake and Amy know she loves lying, but seeing the extent of her abilities is downright _scary._  
  
"This..." Principal Podolski shakes his dumb head over and over. "This entire situation is making no sense to me."  
  
"Principal Podolski!" Gina clucks disapprovingly. "Are you _disparaging_ the Arts? Because how dare you! Not only do we get abysmal funding–"  
  
"The drama club gets the most funding in the school! How much more do you need?"  
  
"Five thousand dollars."  
  
"No."  
  
"Fine," Gina accepts this with a shrug. "That was a stretch anyway. But this little scandal? Has put a god damn _wrench_ in our promotional activities. So could you release Jake and Amy from this hellhole so we can discuss our next move from here?"  
  
"Miss Linetti–"  
  
"Principal Podolski! Our promotional activities are vital not _just_ for the school production, but also for the annual youth arts presentation! That's not to mention all the other competitions we go for. If we're not _lining_ the walls with medals and trophies, who will? _The football team?"_  
  
Jake, Amy, and Gina all snicker. It's a well-known fact that their school doesn't do well in inter-school sports tournaments, and that most of the school's student achievements have to do with the drama club. They try not to brag about it (with the exception of Gina right now), but the drama club attends all sorts of competitions related to theater. There are poem reciting competitions, story telling competitions (group and individual), etc, etc.  
  
Of course, the annual school production is something that everyone in the drama club works on together, and frankly, Jake and Amy don't bother about competitions aside from the annual youth arts presentation.  
  
Holt believes that all his students have differing strengths as performers, and that they should be encouraged to develop their strengths accordingly– hence members involved heavily in acting should stick only to competitions that mainly involve acting.  
  
(But really, it’s because he finds that his actors tend to be better trained and thus more well equipped to face off with competitors from schools run by witches such as Director Wuntch. But more on that later. As usual.)  
  
So as actors that are regularly assigned large speaking roles year after year, Jake and Amy have never bothered much with whatever competitions their juniors or seniors partook in. They just cheer and clap whenever someone arrives to announce that they've won an award for something or another.  
  
That being said, Jake was _almost_ involved in the story-telling scene. He had great potential as a storyteller, but never pursued it due to his rivalry with Amy. He only cared about acting during his early years in the drama club, and it stuck. However, there was a period of time in his sophomore year where Jake desperately tried to get back into the story-telling game (this was because he wanted to escape potentially being cast as Amy's on stage lover again, which happened for the first time freshman year– needless to say, they were both scarred by the experience).  
  
Jake failed to convince Holt that he was of more use as a storyteller to the club than he was as an actor, unfortunately, and lo and behold, he was cast as Amy's lover again.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1324 HOURS, WALKING BACK TO GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS**  
  
Two minutes later, Jake and Amy are leaving the principal's office with Gina.  
  
"Hey, thanks for helping us back there," Jake speaks over Gina's shoulder, whose fingers are endlessly tapping on her phone.  
  
"Shh–" Gina shushes as she walks quickly, with no fear whatsoever of bumping into impeding pillars or walls. "I'm texting Rosa about this– she owes me $15 now, with extra charges."  
  
Amy suppresses a groan while Jake's just confused.  
  
"When'd you lend her so much money?"  
  
"What?" She snickers. "No! This is bet money."  
  
"Oh, cool!" Jake rubs his hands together. "What bet?"  
  
"I bet that you guys would make out outside the theater, get caught for it at school, and also get into trouble for it," she numbers off on her fingers expertly, not once looking up in order to keep texting.  
  
"Wow," Jake clears his throat. Probably shouldn't have asked. "Those are _very_ specific."  
  
Amy's still silent. Gina just shrugs, smiling occasionally when her phone buzzes with replies from Rosa. "We cover a lot of grounds."  
  
"Why are you two making so many bets about Amy and I?"  
  
"Oh chill out, it's only 58 bets out of our ongoing 467! Not everything is about the two of you, _jeez._ "  
  
"Okay..." Jake says, in a deliberately chiller tone. "But what are these bets about?"  
  
"We're not allowed to tell either of you exactly what we bet on unless one of us wins the bet– that's one of the rules." She finally keeps her phone away after that. "Anyway, we're gonna have to do an emergency photoshoot. Promoting the two of you as a couple for the play."  
  
"But isn't the official photoshoot after drama camp? That's still a few weeks away, at least."  
  
Gina sighs. "I know, Santiago– that's why I said 'emergency'. It implies that this photoshoot is gonna have to be 'unofficial'. God," she huffs, "the things I have to do because the two of you can't keep your grubby paws off each other."  
  
"So what's the photoshoot gonna be like?" Jake proceeds to ask, ignoring Gina’s dig at them. "We'll wear some costumes, take some cast pics?"  
  
Gina groans fully this time. "No! Were either of you in the room just now when I _amazingly_ saved your asses? Or _listening_ to what I said five seconds ago? If we're gonna sell this story, the publicity photos need to mainly focus on the two of you kissing."  
  
"You mean our characters?"  
  
Gina waves her hand in dismissal. "Eh, potato, tomato.”  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1503 HOURS, COSTUME CLOSET**  
  
"Do you think this'll look good on me?" Jake asks as he holds up a tiny pair of overalls likely last used for someone in elementary school. Neither of them have any idea how half of the costumes in the costumes closet wound up here.  
  
Amy's eyes widen. "Uh, Jake? Those overalls have mold on it! Oh my god is that a _maggot?"_  
  
They scream, both running out of the costume closet immediately, with Jake fearfully holding the disgusting (possibly haunted) overalls a respectful arm's length away from him.  
  
On their way to... well they haven't actually _decided_ where they're running to yet– at the moment, Amy's just taking off at top speed and Jake is just following her anxiously.  
  
Anyway, they sort of bump into Gina and Rosa.  
  
"Hey! What the hell are you two doing?"  
  
Jake and Amy gesture frantically to the overalls.  
  
"Is that a maggot?" Rosa asks as she closely inspects the article of clothing. Gina shrieks and grabs onto her arm for dear life.  
  
_"Get that away from me!"_  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL ABANDONED PARKING LOT BEHIND THE THEATER, 1509 HOURS, RIP MR OVERALLS WHO WAS A LOVING HUSBAND AND WONDERFUL FATHER**  
  
Minutes later, Rosa's got the overalls safely burnt to a crisp with the help of a lighter (that she happened to have), alcohol (that she happened to have), and a fire extinguisher (which they stole from the school).  
  
"We need to get someone to clean out that costumes closet," Amy remarks, shaking her head.  
  
"Someone? We need a SWAT team in there stat!" Gina shudders, still not over the maggot thing.  
  
"Also, now that this is over– Gina and I were looking for the two of you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We need to buy costumes for the photoshoot," Gina explains. "And after that–" she cautiously gestures to the pile of ash that used to be an article of clothing–"we _definitely_ need to buy costumes for the photoshoot."  
  
"When?" Amy asks.  
  
"Right now, _duh._ I already told Holt. Also Charles is coming along because he needs to pick up something the props department ordered. And he insisted on coming, so there was no stopping him."  
  


* * *

  
**GINA'S CAR (INTERIOR), 1521 HOURS, ON WAY TO THRIFT STORE**  
  
"Thrift store!" Jake drags excitedly. "Woo!"  
  
He's in the backseat of Gina's car, with Rosa riding shotgun, sat on the far left with Amy in the center and Charles on the right.  
  
Amy admires the interior of the car, this being the first time she’s sat inside it.  
  
"Gina, this is a really nice car."  
  
"I know," Gina smirks proudly. "Parting gift from one of my mom's exes."  
  
"Good thing it has five seats though, or Amy would've had to sit on Jake's lap," Rosa remarks, to awkward laughter from Jake and Amy.  
  
"Ugh, don't remind me," Charles grumbles in his seat, as if upset that Amy didn't have to sit on Jake's lap.  
  
Which... well. He _is_ upset. Charles hasn't been hiding that.  
  


* * *

  
**THRIFT STORE!!!, 1537 HOURS, THRIFT STORE!!! WOO!!!!!!!!!**  
  
Upon reaching, Charles separates from the others to pick up the stuff ordered by the props department across the street. Admittedly, he's upset about not getting to officially be part of the thrift store shopping trip, but they promise that he can join them once he's loaded the props department's stuff in the car.  
  
"Thrift store!" Jake calls out excitedly again once they step into the thrift store.  
  
"What's with you and thrift stores?" Amy asks in amusement. And also slight annoyance. But mostly amusement.  
  
"What's not to love, Amy? It's a store, that lets you _thrift!"_  
  
Amy snorts. "That's not how... _anyone_ would put it."  
  
But Jake's already gone, rummaging through everything they have, picking several things out to try on.  
  
She gets moving too.  
  


* * *

  
**THRIFT STORE!!!, 1549 HOURS, CHANGING ROOM REVEAL**  
  
"Okay, so who's up first?" Gina and Rosa ask, in chairs that are conveniently situated outside the changing rooms, where Jake and Amy's changing rooms (which aren't so much rooms as they are... curtains) are also conveniently side by side.  
  
"I'm not done!" Amy calls out.  
  
This prompts Jake to pull open his curtain, revealing himself dapperly dressed in a suit that's... _actually nice._  
  
"Check me out!" He presents himself to Gina and Rosa with a spin, who are impressed by the quality of the suit.  
  
"Damn, are we in a thrift store or a place that actually _respects_ fashion?" Gina claps in awe. "Boo, you are _rocking_ that suit."  
  
Rosa nods slightly. "How'd you think a suit like that wound up here?"  
  
Jake's face lights up in excitement.  
  
"I have two theories! One– sad dude who got left at the altar; fiancée left him for a dude with..." he quickly counts the buttons on his suit jacket. " _Five_ buttons on his suit! This suit never had a chance, but his sad life is a _plus_ for _us_."  
  
"What's the second theory?" Amy asks from the changing room, to everyone's surprise.  
  
Jake has an unbreakable grin plastered on his face.  
  
"Santiago! I didn't know you cared– but second theory is, sadly, that the dude who owned this dope suit is dead. I could get possessed by the ghost of this rich dude you guys!"  
  
Rosa sighs longingly. "Damn it, now _I_ want that suit."  
  
At that moment, Amy steps out from behind the curtain, prompting all eyes to focus on her.  
  
Amy groans when she sees Jake's suit. "That's not fair! Why does he get to look good while I'm stuck with this scratchy sequin thing?"  
  
"You look like a... mermaid," Jake marvels, causing Gina and Rosa to exchange looks.  
  
"Ugh, I know! This is a horrible dress," Amy agrees, completely missing Jake's point.  
  
"That's not– wait. You think I look _good?_ "  
  
Amy's eyes widen in fear– she did not know she said that, or that Jake realized what she'd said.  
  
"Uh... I meant the suit. Looked– _looks_ good. It's a good suit like you were all saying?" She takes a deep breath.  
  
"So... the suit looks good but I don't look good?"  
  
"Uh..." Amy quickly wonders how she should go about saving this situation. On one hand, she doesn't want Jake to find out just _how_ good she thinks he looks in that suit– but on the other hand, at what point of denial would she be considered a bad friend?  
  
The sadder Jake's face gets, the more panicked Amy feels.  
  
"Hey dude!" A random person in the store yells. "I think what sparkly homegirl here is tryna say is she thinks you look better with the suit _off."_  
  
She laughs, along with the group of friends that she's with.  
  
Jake's face turns playful, whilst Amy panics even more.  
  
"Oh my god," she mumbles under her breath.  
  
"Is she right?" Jake cheekily asks. "Santiago, you can totes admit that you find me super hot, y'know. I won't be offended!"  
  
Amy gives Jake a hardened look. "Jake, seriously..."  
  
"Alright alright I'll stop messing around," he apologizes. "But, no offense, you do look super hot in your mermaid dress."  
  
"Okay!" Gina interrupts, standing up and placing herself in between Jake and Amy. "This just officially got uncomfortable."  
  
"What did I say?" Jake asks offendedly.  
  
"What part of 'you look super hot' was _normal_ to you?" Rosa retorts, looking grossed out.  
  
"Yeah, we brought you two to buy clothes, not _flirt aggressively,_ " Gina chides.  
  
Jake takes offense. "How was that flirting?" He looks at Amy. "Was _that_ flirting to you?"  
  
Amy's almost caught off guard. "Uh... maybe? A little?"  
  
"Well I wasn't trying to flirt with you, I swear! Just messing around like friends do!"  
  
"If you ever say that to me, I'm burying you _alive,"_ Rosa warns, standing up to reveal two eye masks, similar in design and as sparkly as Amy's dress, handing them over to Jake and Amy.  
  
"Rosa and I found these while you two were looking around," Gina explains. "It's supposed to be for your dance scene– y'know, that masquerade feel. We're getting them for the ensemble too. So we can use these costumes for _both_ your photoshoot and the play, that way we're not wasting additional school resources, and no one can get mad at us."  
  
Jake and Amy look in awe at their masks. Gina's decision is perfect– and they greatly admire her for it.  
  
"That's amazing, Gina– thank you."  
  
"I know, I'm a genius. Now let's get out of here, this store smells funny and I think that kid just peed in the corner."  
  


* * *

  
**GINA'S CAR (EXTERIOR), 1603 HOURS, UH OH**  
  
"Charles, what's wrong?" Gina asks as they approach the car, watching Charles struggle with a lot of large looking props that will not fit completely in the boot of Gina's car.  
  
"Aw man, you guys are done already?" Charles laments in disappointment. "I just got all the things we ordered– but I don't think this block over here's going to fit."  
  
He's right. When Gina unlocks the boot and they all load Charles' things in the back of the car, everything fits, with the exception of the largest block Charles pointed out.  
  
"So what now?" Rosa asks. "We can't just leave the thing here."  
  
Just then, Gina gets an idea and opens the door to the back of the car. Carefully, she manages to fit the huge block on one of the seats.  
  
"There, perfect!"  
  
"But now there's only four seats left in the car–" Amy points out–"and there's five of us."  
  
Charles gasps excitedly. "Yes! Amy can sit in Jake's lap!"  
  
Amy groans, as does Jake.  
  
"Charles, _no_ ," Jake says pointedly, trying to ignore his rapidly beating heart.  
  
"Actually..." Gina starts. "That sorta is our only option.”  
  
"No, no, no, no..." Jake quietly babbles in fear.  
  
"Unless you wanna take a cab back."  
  
"Jake has _no money,_ " Charles announces proudly.  
  
"Or–" Rosa suggests with a sly smile (because showing Jake how he has no choice is fun)–"Amy sits on Charles' lap."  
  
"That makes no sense," Charles retorts confidently. "I have weak thighs– Amy will _break_ me."  
  
"And I doubt Amy will let either Charles or Jake sit on her lap," Gina points out.  
  
"Yeah, because they're both heavier than me," Amy defends.  
  
"And Jake is heavier than _me–_ because of his muscular body. _Especially_ his legs– which are super muscular and can _definitely_ support Amy," Charles thoroughly breaks down his argument.  
  
Amy glances at Jake's face which has reduced to a sheet of white– she takes pity on him, although she does feel slightly hurt regarding his disgust and absolute rejection of her sitting on his lap.  
  
"Is there really no other way?" Amy asks.  
  
"No," Gina declares. "Now stop whining and get in the car."  
  


* * *

  
**GINA'S CAR (INTERIOR), 1608 HOURS, HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP**  
  
"God, your butt's really warm," Jake bemoans as Amy settles in his lap. This is going to be worse than he thought.  
  
She takes offense at this. "What? No! Your butt's the weird cold one."  
  
Jake snorts. "How would you know _that?_ Have you secretly touched my ass?" He gasps, " _you've secretly touched my ass!_ Everyone! Amy's a pervert!"  
  
"Jake, shut up, there's only five of us in this car," Rosa snaps. "Just sit still and focus on not getting a boner."  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1523 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
The next day, Gina informs Jake and Amy about their photographer for the photoshoot.  
  
"Uh, okay this definitely going to be awkward, so I'll just say it– _Teddy Wells_ is today's photographer."  
  
"What?!" Amy exclaims. "Why?"  
  
Jake's also hating this entire situation, but he tries to act chill about it because he has no good reason to not want Teddy to be their photographer. So he lets Amy take the lead on freaking out about this.  
  
"Gina, out of all people why would you get my _ex-boyfriend_ to do this?"  
  
"I mean," Gina shrugs, "he takes a lot of photos for this club– that's _literally_ how you two met and got together."  
  
"Yeah," Amy assents. "But can't we get a different one?"  
  
Gina shakes her head. "No can do sweetie– he's the only one available. This photoshoot is super last minute and everyone else got booked up by other clubs. Besides– the whole reason why we need this photoshoot in the first place is because of you two, _not me_ , so stop whining."  
  
Gina pauses. "Although, I have to admit I mostly did this because of a bet with Rosa, but all the inconveniences surrounding this decision are true– they just happen to work in my favor because the universe loves me."  
  
She leaves after that, and Jake turns to look at Amy, whose face is still panic-stricken.  
  
"Hey, why're you so freaked out about Teddy doing the photoshoot?"  
  
Amy gives him an incredulous look. "Is it really that weird? Jake, he's my _ex_. I mean– what if Sophia, or _Jenny_ were in charge of the photoshoot?"  
  
Jake shrugs nonchalantly. "I'd ham it up with you and make sure they knew at least every five seconds that you were a way better kisser than them?"  
  
"Oh my god–"  
  
"I mean–" Jake gestures in explanation–"they did _very harshly_ smash my heart to pieces. And you _are_ a way better kisser than either of them."  
  
Amy momentarily loses her train of thought, because Jake really has this effortless way of slowly killing her inside out.  
  
"Uh... okay. But they're different. They stomped on _your_ heart, but in my case _I_ stomped on _Teddy's_ heart."  
  
"Oh really, he didn't dump you?" Jake chuckles.  
  
Amy rolls her eyes. "Jake, you were there when I broke up with Teddy."  
  
"Yeah, and I wish I hadn’t been. He kept going on about how if it weren't for me you two would've been solid. Crazy, right?"  
  
"Uh huh, yeah, _super weird._ " Amy agrees nervously.  
  
"I mean– sure we were acting as lovers in the play, but that was just us _acting_. We were still formally-declared enemies back then."  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, ???? HOURS, AMY AND TEDDY'S BREAK UP (ONE YEAR AGO)**  
  
Amy chases Teddy all the way out of the theater– right after he yelled at Jake for three minutes straight and Rosa threatened to sword fight him so he'd shut up.  
  
"Teddy, come on! Let's not make this a bad break up. Don't tell me this isn't what you want too! You barely say more than five words when we talk these days."  
  
"Yeah, and you wanna know _why,_ Amy?" He shakes his head, as if he can't believe she still doesn't get it. "It's because every time we talk, you bring _him_ up."  
  
"Who? Jake?"  
  
Teddy clenches his fist. "You don't see it, do you? Every time we're together it's Jake this, Jake that, Jake did _this–_ "  
  
"I was _complaining_ about him, Teddy!" Amy yells, frustrated, because no way is she allowing him to paint her as some kind of _emotional cheater_ , or something. "Was I not allowed to do that? What did you want me to do– shut up about anything I got angry over and listen to you talk about _pilsners?"_  
  
Teddy rolls his eyes. "Whatever, it's not my job to help you figure out your feelings for some other dude–"  
  
"Teddy, you _heard_ Jake. We hate each other's guts– he said so himself! _Just because_ we're acting as a couple in the play–"  
  
"It's not about that!" He bellows. "It's about how– every time he's there he keeps trying to steal your attention away from me with all those dumb jokes and pranks and he _succeeds_! You forget I'm even _there,_ Amy. And even if he's not there, you're talking about him. So I don't care what you two claim to be– _he's_ the reason you're dumping me."  
  
Amy wants to list out all the reasons she's dumping Teddy– but none of the reasons were listed in her break up speech, since she never took into account that Teddy would blame their breakup on Jake.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1526 HOURS, HEADING TO THE PHOTOSHOOT (PRESENT DAY)**  
  
"Yeah... we were still enemies." Amy nods as she recalls that day. "Although... you were really nice to me after the break up with Teddy. I never thanked you for that."  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, ???? + 0003 HOURS, POST-AMY AND TEDDY'S BREAK UP (ONE YEAR AGO)**  
  
Amy trudges back into the theater, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. It's a good thing Holt isn't here today, although Amy would've never risked dumping Teddy in the first place if he had been there, fearing a scene.  
  
Amy doesn't know what to do. Should she go to the bathroom and recollect herself? Suck it up and rehearse with Jake? Or go home?  
  
What she doesn't expect is to see Jake standing– right in front of her. She thanks her lucky stars her tears are still firmly lodged in her eyes, because _no way_ is she letting Jake Peralta watch her cry (aside from the times she fake-cried for stage reasons).  
  
"Hey," he says, both carefully and causally at the same time.  
  
"Hey," she replies, voice unfortunately choked with emotion.  
  
"Sucks about you and Teddy," Jake scratches his head. "I wanted to help by telling him what a loser he was and why that was why you're dumping him," he smirks. "And not me. I mean– not that I would've cared about being the 'reason' for your break up, but I don't want people going 'round thinking I'm a _home wrecker_ , you know?"  
  
Amy chuckles, and for a moment she nearly forgets her anguish because Jake worrying about his reputation as a home wrecker takes the cake.  
  
"Hey um– you wanna go outside and practice?"  
  
Amy nods, agreeing with Jake's suggestion, and they head out to the abandoned parking lot outside the theater.  
  
Once they're outside the theater however, Jake only looks around to ensure no one's watching them before pulling Amy into a tight hug.  
  
"What are you doing?" She rasps in shock, inhaling Jake's strangely intoxicating scent. But then she's reminded of Teddy's words and out of spite she forces herself not to think about Jake and his mollifying aura that she's so tempted to drown in.  
  
But he's literally got his arms wrapped around her– so not thinking about Jake while being in his presence proves to be an arduous task that she quickly gives up on.  
  
"Cry it out," Jake says. "I'm _literally_ giving you a shoulder to cry on, so–"  
  
"I don't want to," Amy protests, even though her nose sours and her eyes sting with tears.  
  
"Don't lie to me. You were biting back tears over there. I know you dumped him but a breakup's still a breakup and since you're not _heartless_ you're definitely hurting at least a little. So cry."  
  
Amy feels the last vestiges of her restraint fall apart, and soon her cheeks are stained with tears. But at this point, she's unsure which tears are shed over the ashes of her failed relationship with Teddy, and which tears are shed over Jake's selfless actions– that she's touched by beyond belief.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" She creaks in between silent sobs against Jake's shoulder.  
  
(Yes, she's crying, but she refuses to start bawling like a child in front of Jake– he's being _nice_ , but she still wants to hold on tight to her dignity.)  
  
He shakes his head, because he can't believe she's still doubting his intentions. But then again, he can't blame her.  
  
"Amy, you're clearly in no state to act. And if it makes you feel any better, I'm doing this for the play, not you. So cry your little heart out, and don't tell anyone about this because I will deny it with _everything_ I have," he says, his words a playful warning.  
  
Amy wipes a tear away with an equally playful smirk– albeit one stained with tears but, it's playful all the same.  
  
"Can't have anyone thinking you care about me, right?"  
  
"Y'know, for someone who's my worst enemy– _you really get me._ "  
  
They collapse in laughter, and Amy doesn't think about Teddy at all for the rest of the day.  
  


* * *

  
**AV ROOM, 1527 HOURS, PHOTOSHOOT TIME (PRESENT DAY)**  
  
"You're welcome, I'm amazing."  
  
Amy laughs. "I take that back, you're gonna let it get to your head."  
  
"It has _already_ gotten to my head, so too late."  
  
Amy snorts, before reflecting on last year's events once more. "We... almost became friends back then, didn't we?"  
  
"Yeah," Jake agrees, rubbing the nape of his neck. "Then I probably ruined it by being an asshole–"  
  
"And I probably ruined it by being condescending to you–"  
  
"So we were both assholes!" Jake declares casually. "High five!"  
  
She's beside herself with laughter as she high fives him for the fun of it, despite knowing the real reason why Jake and Amy fell out again after Amy and Teddy's break up.  
  
_He started dating Sophia._  
  


* * *

  
**AV ROOM, 1529 HOURS, PHOTOSHOOT TIME (CUT FOR DRAMATIC REASONS THAT ADMITTEDLY ARE NOT THAT DRAMATIC)**  
  
"Okay so... the break up ended bad but he means nothing to you now that you don't have feelings for him right? So you're okay with doing the photoshoot?"  
  
Amy nods carefully. "I guess."  
  
"Do you?" Jake asks uncomfortably. "Still have feelings for him?"  
  
"What?" Amy shakes her head profusely. "No, it's mostly guilt actually."  
  
Jake heaves a sigh of what seems to be relief, surprisingly. "Good, yeah. And it's not like we're _dating_ , right? He'll be fine."  
  
"True. But we'll also be doing a lot of kissing and he'll have to watch."  
  
Jake grimaces in disgust. "God, you're right. It's gonna be super awkward and not fun at all."  
  
Amy exhales, exasperated but in a fond sense. "It wasn't supposed to _fun_ in the first place, Jake."  
  
Jake smirks. "I wouldn't say that. Kissing you's always fun."  
  


* * *

  
**AV CLUB, 1530 HOURS, PHOTOSHOOT TIME (CUT BECAUSE AMY'S HEART JUST STOPPED)**  
  


* * *

  
**AV CLUB, 1535 HOURS, PHOTOSHOOT TIME (FOR REALZ BECAUSE TEDDY IS HERE AND JAKE AND AMY HAVE CHANGED INTO THEIR COSTUMES)**  
  
"Hey, Teddy–" Amy begins cautiously as Teddy sets up his camera and tripod stand–"I know things ended badly between us and I just wanted to make sure we're good now. No hard feelings, right?"  
  
Teddy barely offers Amy a glance. "Oh yeah, don't worry about it. I have a new girlfriend now."  
  
"Oh," Jake chimes in, feeling significantly relieved. He was not looking forward to walking on eggshells for however long the photoshoot would take. "That's great, man."  
  
"Yeah," Teddy smirks, in a way that unsettles Jake, but he never liked the guy so he brushes it off. "My girlfriend's great– she's pretty, funny, engaging... more so than _you_ , Amy. So definitely no hard feelings, I'm way happier now."  
  
"Uh... okay, that's good for you," Amy awkwardly replies. She's slightly irritated by Teddy's insensitive words, but she doesn't really care for his opinion on her, and it wasn't like he was the most exciting person (quite the opposite, actually) to date, so how far can she even trust his judgement on what's fun and what's not?  
  
Besides, it's not like she ever thought she was _incredibly beautiful_ or anything, so Teddy having a girlfriend prettier than her doesn't come as quite a shock. Her ego isn't that big.  
  


* * *

  
**AV ROOM, 1537 HOURS, PHOTOSHOOT TIME (CUT FOR JAKE'S... EMOTIONS)**  
  
Jake's blood _boils_ at Teddy's words. _What kind of asshat says that?_ He's very clearly trying to one up Amy and make some kind of point about how he's better off without her (which Jake disagrees with because _no one_ is better off without Amy Santiago, and the fact that he got to date her at all makes Teddy Wells the luckiest asshole on earth).  
  
Jake didn't enter this room with the intention of pissing Teddy off (quite the opposite really), but now? It might as well be his sole purpose of existing on this planet.  
  
"Wow, Teddy," Jake marvels stiffly with gritted teeth. "Girlfriend sounds _great_ , huh?"  
  
Teddy nods smugly, in a fashion that tempts Jake to punch him in the face, repeatedly.  
  
"She is," he remarks brightly, and Amy's silent succeeding groan spurs him on.  
  
"Well then I guess since you're so _happy_ you won't mind knowing that Amy and I are dating now–" he pauses, pretending to ponder over this–"actually, I wouldn't say _dating_ , more like hooking up over and over again?" He shrugs nonchalantly, and it satisfies him greatly to see Teddy stiffen. "It's really just about the _amazing_ sex for us– which, by the way, I've heard I'm way better at than _you!"_  
  
He's very blatantly saying all that to piss Teddy off, but his lack of subtlety still pays off because Teddy nearly drops his camera, and Jake smirks when he sees his knuckles turn white as his fingers threaten to dig into his palms.  
  
"You okay there, buddy?" Jake asks as if seriously concerned for Teddy's well-being, even though he doesn't give so much as a damn.  
  
"Yeah," Teddy heaves, very obviously trying to restrain his anger. " _Just fine!"_  
  
"Great!" Jake turns to Amy. "How are you feeling Ames?"  
  
Amy nods, looking slightly shocked but not like she's about to kill him for what he impulsively said to Teddy, which relieves him.  
  
"Good," she says, with a gentle nod.  
  
"So we're all great!" Jake celebrates, as if applauding a genuine achievement. "Ready to start snapping Teddy? Oh, I forgot to ask– did Gina tell you what you'd be photographing for this photoshoot?"  
  
Teddy shakes his head, a vulnerable bit of him looking worried. If he weren't such a jerk, Jake might've felt sorry for him.  
  
"Well, you're in for a treat!" Jake folds his arms over his chest. "I'm sure you've seen the pictures– _you probably got one in your locker–_ that was us 'rehearsing' for this, but between you and me, Amy and I just couldn't get _enough_ of each other," he stage whispers the last part, like it's an actual secret Teddy needs to keep.  
  
"Okay, can we just get on with this?" Teddy demands, sounding more sore with each word.  
  
" _Your wish is my command,"_ Jake shrugs, turning to pull Amy in for a kiss.  
  
He worries Amy will be awkward about the kiss because he's said a lot of things to Teddy that she very rightfully could get mad at him for– but Jake feels her lips move hot and needy against his, like she's trying to say _thank you._ It relieves him, and she moves so hungrily and pleasurably against him that he accidentally moans against her lips.  
  
Which he can't let her get away with, because if Teddy gets to hear him moan, he's gonna hear Amy moan too (and in all honesty it'll probably be the first time Teddy hears Amy moan, so it's more like a pity gift than revenge).  
  
Jake acts quickly, sliding his hand up Amy's back the way he knows is guaranteed to make her shiver, and a few strategically used seconds later he squeezes a quiet, strangled moan out of Amy's lips. It sounds completely involuntary, like she didn't expect or want to moan, and Jake knows this is true through the momentary pause wherein Amy's lips freeze against his.  
  
Jake nearly laughs– but it's that moment where Teddy stops snapping and abruptly leaves– not that he had been passionately clicking the camera shutter in the first place though.  
  
When they hear the door slam, Amy pulls away from Jake in shock.  
  
"When'd he stop?"  
  
That's when Jake laughs, eyes crinkling as he guffaws almost uncontrollably.  
  
"You didn't know?"  
  
Amy blushes. "Uh, I was trying not to pay attention."  
  
"Yeah, too busy _moaning–"_  
  
She smacks him on the shoulder. "Shut up! You moaned first!"  
  
"Ah, but that was on _purpose."_  
  
She rolls her eyes. " _Yeah right."_  
  
"What else could it be? You being so unbelievably hot I couldn't help myself? Actually... that's super believable. And also exactly what happened."  
  
Amy reddens to the point where even Jake notices. But he knows he's saying things that could easily make anyone blush, let alone Amy.  
  
"Anyway, are we cool?"  
  
Amy looks up in confusion. "Huh?"  
  
"The stuff I said. Didn't ask you if that was okay, and that's not cool."  
  
Amy shakes her head. "No, it's okay! I'm not mad– and honestly, he was being kind of mean, right?"  
  
" _Kind of?"_ Jake scoffs dramatically. "Try _worst person ever–_ he was being a huge jerk! A huge _lying_ jerk– because no way does a guy like him land a girl hotter than you."  
  
Amy purses her lips together. "Thank you, Jake."  
  
Jake shrugs. "No biggie. Like I was gonna let him think he won the relationship."  
  
Amy snorts. "I don't care about that."  
  
"But I do– because it shouldn't even be debatable that you're better off without him. Anyway, I'm thirsty. You want something to drink?"  
  
Amy nods. "Water would be good, yeah. We still have rehearsal later."  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL VENDING MACHINE, 1547 HOURS, BUYING WATER AND ORANGE SODA**  
  
"Two dollars?!" Jake grumbles as he digs through his pockets for more money. When did water get so expensive? It's everywhere, it should be free! See, _this_ is why he never drinks it. "Santiago, you owe me big time."  
  
Right before Jake can dispense the drink, he feels himself getting smashed against the vending machine.  
  
"Ow! Watch where you're going maybe?" He... jokes because well, he wasn't shoved _that_ hard, and he knows exactly who pushed him against that vending machine.  
  
"Shut up, Jake," Teddy's bad breath rasps.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asks almost kindly. "Did the pictures come out okay, or do we need to get back in there?"  
  
"Don't you even _think_ about it," Teddy warns, which should scare Jake but doesn't scare him at all. Teddy just doesn't have that vibe, and anger doesn't really do much to help that along.  
  
"Why can't I think about it? Don't you have a girlfriend?"  
  
Teddy recedes in shame. "Yes, but I meant nothing I said to Amy. I still have feelings for her– and I regret letting our break up happen. I want her back.”  
  
Jake frees himself from Teddy's grasp and gives him a shaming look. "What? Why'd you do that if you still like Amy? That's... not fair at all to your girlfriend."  
  
Teddy rolls his eyes. "Whatever– stop trying to act like you're so noble. You're not good enough for Amy."  
  
Despite Jake's ever developing hatred for Teddy, he has a point. It's a good thing he's not actually dating Amy.  
  
"Well, neither were you."  
  
Teddy huffs. "I don't know what she sees in you."  
  
Jake gets a sly grin at his next thought. "It's not what she sees in me, it's what she feels _inside–"_  
  
This time, when Teddy slams Jake against the vending machine, it _does_ hurt.  
  
"You watch yourself, Peralta– because I'm getting revenge."  
  


* * *

  
**AV ROOM, 1550 HOURS, WAITING FOR JAKE TO GET BACK**  
  
"Did you somehow manage to lose your way back from the vending machine that’s only _twenty feet_ from–" Amy turns around when she hears the door open, only seeing Teddy instead of Jake–"oh. Sorry, I thought you were Jake."  
  
Teddy heaves in a restrained way, and Amy gets nervous because there's this quiet fury about him that strangely seems even worse than when they broke up.  
  
"No, it's me. I'm here for my stuff."  
  
"Oh right yeah–" Amy gestures vaguely at his equipment, nearly offering to help but biting back her words.  
  
"Amy, tell me the truth.” Teddy erupts, in a gentle manner that suggests a large storm's approach.  
  
"You're not really _with_ Jake, right? He was just saying all that because–" Teddy inhales sheepishly–"okay I'll be honest, I didn't mean anything I said when I compared you to my girlfriend. So just tell me I’m right– he was lying to make you look good right?"  
  
If Amy were afraid of Teddy's wrath before, she no longer is, because every single word he says, from the very _content_ right down to the _way_ he says them, rubs her the wrong way and she's offended.  
  
She's _angry_ , actually, and her own wrath completely blows away Teddy's emotions.  
  
"Make me _look good?_ " She scoffs. "Like I'm not good enough to be with Jake? So my supposed 'secret feelings' for him was good enough to be the 'reason' I dumped you but I'm not actually good enough for him?"  
  
"No, of course not!" Teddy vehemently denies. "I mean the opposite– he's not good enough to be with you!"  
  
Amy rolls her eyes. "Oh thank you _so much_ Teddy, for your amazing advice– I guess since Jake's not 'good enough' for me according to you, I should stop _sleeping_ with him!"  
  
Teddy shakes his head, as if still refusing to believe that (even though he's right since it's not true).  
  
"That's another thing I don't get. Even if you were... _with him_ , like that, you would never let him get away with saying what he did!"  
  
Amy pauses, looking away for a moment because Teddy's right for once. When she thinks about it, letting someone describe her sex life in as much detail as Jake did (even though it wasn’t true) should’ve made her very uncomfortable. But it didn’t.  
  
And also... as much as she doesn't want to admit it, there was something strangely arousing about the way Jake relished in bragging about his supposed sexual prowess. It made her... curious, somehow heightening her interest in wanting to _experience_ said prowess. An interest which, was already very much heightened before.  
  
"You're right. But he's... different."  
  
"Different _how?"_  
  
Amy glares at him, because she doesn’t exactly have a proper explanation to his question, definitely not an explanation she wishes to divulge to _Teddy_ of all people.  
  
“Why do you care?"  
  
Teddy grabs his stuff, shrugging. "Whatever," he says as he leaves.  
  


* * *

  
**AV ROOM, 1555 HOURS, JAKE'S BACK**  
  
"Sorry, queue at the vending machine was–"  
  
"Jake, you're bleeding!" Amy exclaims in shock which quickly snowballs into concern, rushing to help him with their drinks.  
  
His nose isn't _gushing_ with blood, but it's still bleeding at a worrying rate. And Jake's face looks slightly bruised, something which heavily bothers Amy as she presses tissue against his nose, gently cradling his face.  
  
"Damn it, still? I already spent ages wash–" he quickly catches himself, realizing he wasn't supposed to tell her that–"uh–"  
  
_“Still?”_ Amy’s eyes widen before she narrows a look at him. “Jake, tell me what happened.”  
  
"I tripped and fell on the way to the vending machine, okay?"  
  
Amy shakes her head. "Nope, you’re lying. Truth. _Now."_  
  
Jake sighs, trying not to think about how nice Amy's hand feels holding his face.  
  
"Turns out, Teddy's girlfriend isn't as great as he made her out to be."  
  
"I know.”  
  
"He still has feelings for– wait, _you knew?"_  
  
"He still has _feelings_ for me?"  
  
Jake rolls his eyes. "Yeah, duh. It's _you._ Was he here?"  
  
Amy ignores the way her heart spontaneously races. “Yeah.”  
  
"Did he do anything?" Jake asks in a way that suggests he might explode in rage depending on Amy's answer.  
  
Amy refutes this. "He just asked if you were lying about us sleeping together– and I told him you weren't."  
  
Jake raises his eyebrows in surprise–  like he didn't expect Amy to go through with their lie.  
  
"Anyway, why do you care what he did to me– _look at yourself!_ " Amy huffs, looking guilty. "He did this, didn't he?"  
  
Jake nods, and Amy's face falls deeper into her sea of guilt, because expecting what was clearly obvious is one thing, but hearing Jake's confirmation makes it real and painful.  
  
"If you don't consider his hand pushing my back into the vending machine an _accident_ , then yeah, he did this to me."  
  
A painful lump develops at the back of Amy's throat.  
  
"I can't believe you got hurt for me."  
  
Jake shrugs as if his bruised face and (still) bleeding nose are as trivial as a paper cut.  
  
"I didn't get hurt for you– it's just a thing that happened, I didn't _volunteer_ so–" he notices Amy's eyes well up with tears and cracks–"oh come on! It's not that bad– hey! I mean, a part of me was starting to enjoy it after a while. I _nearly_ asked if he wanted to exchange safe words."  
  
Amy snorts through her almost-tears and Jake grins at getting her to crack a smile again.  
  
"Look, aside from my beautiful face looking _slightly less_ beautiful for a few days– it's nothing."  
  
Just then, Gina and Rosa walk in, getting a shock when they see Jake's face.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"Oh, great," Jake groans.  
  
"What happened to your face?"  
  
Jake removes the tissue Amy had previously stuck into his nose. He's not bleeding anymore, which is a good thing.  
  
" _Teddy Wells_ happened to my face," Jake explains, and Rosa snorts.  
  
"Teddy, as in _Amy's ex-boyfriend Teddy,_ did _that?"_  
  
Jake rolls his eyes. "Apparently, that's what happens when I pretend to date Amy. And to be fair– I wasn't resisting him to be _nice_. Could’ve easily fought him off.”  
  
Gina arches an eyebrow curiously. "Why were you pretending to date Amy at all?"  
  
"Teddy was being an _ass_ ,” Amy explains. “I was just making sure there were no hard feelings between us, and he decided to tell me and Jake that he has a new girlfriend now who's way better than me in every thinkable aspect."  
  
"Which is _not true–_ " Jake points out–"something he said while threatening me."  
  
"And he told me that too when he came back for his camera. But still doesn't excuse what he did."  
  
Rosa scowls in disgust and rage. "How bad do you want me to hurt him?"  
  
Gina places a hand on Rosa's shoulder. "Sweetie, you can hurt him however you want after the official production photoshoot. We shouldn't make enemies with anyone until we don't have any use for them."  
  
Rosa reluctantly accepts this with a nod. "But he should pay at least a little for _this,_ " she gestures to Jake and Amy. "Did he do anything else?”  
  
"Uh–" Jake squeaks awkwardly. "He did tell me to watch myself and that he wanted revenge or whatever– but it's Teddy! How bad can his 'revenge' be?"  
  
Gina sighs. "Okay fine, that settles it. We'll discuss revenge plans for Teddy Wells during drama camp."  
  
Jake slowly shakes his head. "Nope, despite how disgusting and lame a person he is and... I can't _believe_ I'm saying this but– _Teddy's not the priority."_  
  
Gina, Rosa, and even Amy look surprised at this.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'm starting to think he's the one who secretly took that picture of you and Amy. Also– why the hell were the two of you kissing behind a school building again?”  
  
Amy sighs. "It's a long story, but I assure the both of you it's not what anyone thinks it is."  
  
"Also Teddy didn't take that picture," Jake retorts. "He would've ran away crying before he got out a camera. Dude is _obsessed_ with Amy, and it's sad."  
  
Amy makes a perturbed face. "I really hope he's the only one."  
  
"Haha," Jake heaves sharply. "Yeah, he's _totally_ the only one, I bet. No one else is obsessed with you, that's for _suresies."_  
  
Gina and Rosa exchange a look again.  
  
"Okay, so if Teddy didn't take that picture, who did?"  
  
"Boone. _Duh."_  
  
Everyone groans.  
  
"I thought that was over!" Amy grumbles. The drama club and band rivalry, along with all its protracted prank wars, weren’t exactly a highlight in her theater experience.  
  
"Apparently, not according to Boone. He signed his name on my picture and everything."  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1600 HOURS, JAKE'S BAG (YES, THEY WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE THEATER SO JAKE COULD SHOW THEM PROOF)**  
  
Jake fishes a slightly crumpled picture of himself and Amy kissing (the one with Boone’s message) out of his bag and hands it to Gina, Rosa, and Amy for inspection.  
  
"See? That's definitely him."  
  
Gina, Rosa, and Amy all groan in unison.  
  
"Looks like this year's drama camp is gonna get _busy."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIiIIIII did y'all survive
> 
> i really missed karen and camila so i decided why not put them in a room together? tbh they didn't really end up teaming up that hard but tbf they barely know each other and all they have in common is their kids being madly in love
> 
> also yes the drama club is kinda like the school's pride and saving grace and every other club/sports team just sucks majorly don't ask me why they just do and its hilarious to me
> 
> yes teddy Sux he is an asshole and he Sux 
> 
> i dont know what else to say uh--- hope y'all are excited for drama camp??? bc it WI L D
> 
> okay idk how wild it is i don't want to oversell anything ANYWAY hope you guys liked this???? i really don't know so pls tell me in the comments or through my askbox on tumblr @peraltiagoisland or if ur silent then just leave me kudos bc numbers r my kink 
> 
> and yes as i mentioned in the notes last chapter there is a storm coming and whether its a good storm or a bad storm?? who knows im tryna stir up drama and excitement OKAY BYE SEE Y'ALLL


	12. turn out the lights, turn on the radio

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1533 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (DISCUSSING REVENGE ON BOONE)**  
  
"This again?" Groans one of the sophomores when Gina announces the start of the conference regarding revenge on Boone.  
  
"Yes, _this again_ ," Gina narrows her eyes in warning.  
  
"Shouldn't we, like, focus on production? The prank wars between the band and the drama club are so annoying and stressful," another sophomore pipes up.  
  
"Look," Jake retorts. "We wouldn't even be here if Boone hadn't decided to screw me and Amy over."  
  
"Yeah," Gina emphasizes. "This is basic revenge– we can't let Boone walk all over us. Do you kids _want_ to get bullied by people from the band? _We're_ the bullies here, ask anyone!"  
  
Well... the drama club members aren't exactly _bullies_ , per se. People just have a certain fear of the club. They're a political and physical force to be reckoned with.  
  
Which may seem confusing, but it’s simple, really. If you mess with someone from the drama club, you either face _physical_ retaliation (in the form of Rosa Diaz hunting you down and kicking your ass) or _political_ retaliation (in the form of Gina Linetti, the one and only).  
  
Rosa's retaliation is easy enough to understand. If you hurt someone from the drama club, she beats you up, plain and simple.  
  
But Gina? Gina's a discreet and damaging force, a sudden and unquenchable wildfire.  
  
For instance, if you're on the football team, she can get you suspended from play– she can get the coach _fired_ if she wants to (which... she has actually done, when said coach made snide remarks about theater).  
  
Gina can ruin your entire life, if anything is of importance to you. Be it academics, or an extra curricular activity, she'll systematically and cruelly destroy it; all you can do is watch. If you’re a straight A student? Suddenly, those As become Bs and those Bs fade into Fs. Representing the school in a science fair competition? Your exhibition will burn down and no one will be able to prove who did it.  
  
No one knows how she does it— but Gina Linetti is a manipulative, _terrifying_ genius.  
  
Jake likes to refer to Gina and Rosa's protection of the club as a 'Meat Fork' approach with two prongs. First, Rosa comes in with assault. And regardless of whether you've learnt your lesson, Gina comes in with the second prong anyway, tearing down everything you love.  
  
So the question one might ask is– if Gina and Rosa are such a fearsome duo, why don't they just permanently stop the band from ever bothering the drama club?  
  
That's because the band is incredibly special– in that they've hit rock bottom _so hard_ that there's nothing Gina or Rosa can do to drive them down further.  
  
This is the case as the band never uses physical violence (since many of them are terrified of starting fights), so there's no reason for Rosa to do anything.  
  
More importantly, there's nothing _Gina_ can do to the band that will worsen their lives even more, no way for her to “tear down everything they love”.  
  
They have nothing school-wise to live for, besides band, which really isn’t saying much. She can’t cut their funding because the band already gets such an _abysmally_ low sum that nothing she does could significantly worsen their financial situation.  
  
She can’t get their instructor or conductor fired because they don’t even _have_ an instructor or conductor to begin with. They’re “self-taught” which means that they _suck_ , so there’s no way Gina can sabotage any competitions they attend that they won’t sabotage on their own using their complete lack of actual talent either.  
  
She can’t suspend them from play because there’s... no such thing really, plus there are never _stakes_ for the band when it comes to playing their instruments. If one or two players are missing for a parade or performance, no one can tell because half the student body is tone deaf.  
  
So no matter how hard she tries, Gina can't find anything that can permanently cripple the band into wanting to back off forever. No single incident could ruin the reputation of the band (as it’s already ruined) so much so that they’d decide to lay low.  
  
When you're at rock bottom, you have nothing to lose. Which is why people like Boone can't go on for long without pettily striking at the drama club– resentment for the club that they're so closely linked to, yet has it way better than they do.  
  
"I don't _want_ to be a bully," a naive looking freshman protests. "And how did Boone screw Jake and Amy over?"  
  
"Seriously?" An adjacent junior scoffs. "We all got the picture in our lockers."  
  
Charles smiles wistfully. "I have it framed on my wall."  
  
Jake gives Charles a strange look. "Why would you do that?"  
  
"It's a beautiful moment, Jake! Honestly, why are we getting revenge on Boone? He captured something so _priceless._ "  
  
_“But_ he still got Amy and me into a lot of trouble."  
  
Charles nods. "Right."  
  
"Plus, half the school still thinks Jake and Amy are secretly doing it," Rosa reminds with a grin.  
  
"Wait–" a freshman interrupts–" _aren't_ Jake and Amy secretly doing it?"  
  
"What? No!" Jake protests. "And if Amy were here, she'd say the same thing!"  
  
Amy's not present at the moment– she's due to arrive late because she has a huge test to take.  
  
"Anyone have any ideas?" Gina asks. “We don’t have time to discuss whether Jake and Amy are banging right now. Just do that in the group chat later on.”  
  
"Already ahead of you on that,” Charles grins as he types incessantly on his phone. “As for revenge ideas... I have a lot of salsa lying around at home. I could go get it and we can pour salsa into his trombone.”  
  
"Why do you have so much salsa lying around at home?" Rosa asks.  
  
"It's a basic necessity– do you _not_ have any salsa, Rosa?”  
  
"Anyway–" Gina interrupts–"Charles, since you have so much salsa, you can go home to get it. Pour the salsa into his trombone and you can come back. Remember to be thorough. You're exempted from the Triathlon and any forfeits after that.”  
  
"Yes!" Charles pumps his fist as he cheers, sounding so unbelievably happy, like he’s just won the lottery.  
  
The ‘Triathlon’ Gina refers to are a series of three different games that the drama club plays every year for drama camp.  
  
They change from year to year– but Charles never does well and often loses– forcing him to face the punishment of having to clean up the mess the club makes from these games.  
  
For comprehensive purposes, these are the three games that the drama club will play in the Triathlon this year:  
  
The first game is a sort of play on football, and the game 'Dog And Bone'. Basically, everyone is split into two groups, and scores are recorded on an individual basis. Each person in a given group is assigned a number, which means that there are two people with the same number.  
  
How 'Football Dog And Bone' works is that after the assigning of groups and numbers, the two groups will line up facing each other with a football placed equidistant from both lines. When Gina calls out a number (yes, Gina exempts herself from playing and potentially getting punished because she runs the games), the two people with the same number must rush and grab the ball. Whoever manages to get the ball and throw it between the goalposts first gets a point.  
  
Of course, Gina can decide how many numbers and at what rate she calls them out. If two people are involved in a scuffle that goes on for too long, she can call more numbers to mix things up. She can call every single number out for an all-out _brawl_ if she wants to.  
  
Now, the second game's pretty much a water balloon war– everyone is given a rag that they have to protect from getting wet. This rag has to be attached or tied around some visible part of their body. There are water balloons of a supposed unlimited amount located all over the area, and everyone is in it alone, of course. At the end of the game, Gina squeezes your rag into a measuring beaker to record how wet your rag is. The less water your rag has, the more points you get.  
  
The last game coincides with dinner. It's a quiz game, in essence, and all the questions are asked by Gina. Get a question right, you get to take a bite of your food. The faster you finish your food, the more points you get.  
  
So while the punishment of cleaning up might deter one from losing, what's the prize if you win?  
  
Obviously, Gina's not lacking in that department either.  
  
This year, the person who racks up the highest score gets access to the bathroom on the top floor– where they'll get to shower after dinner. Gina's the only person who has this key– why she has this key, no one knows for sure, and some are afraid to ask, frankly.  
  
But the bathroom is heavenly, and rumor has it most of the staff are practically unaware of it.  
  
In fact, Gina's nicknamed the place _Babylon._  
  


* * *

  
**FOOTBALL FIELD, 1600 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (SORRY FOR THE UNNECESSARY GAME RULES RUNDOWN) | AMY’S ENERGY: 34%**  
  
Amy yawns as she arrives on the field where everyone's gathered. She's completely exhausted, having stayed up more than half the night to study.  
  
"Hey!" Jake calls out when he sees Amy, brightening up instantly. "Amy's here!"  
  
He announces this, like he's Amy's personal attendance taker. It’s completely unnecessary too, since Gina never bothers to take attendance.  
  
"You okay?" Rosa asks as she takes in Amy's slightly rugged appearance.  
  
"Yeah," Amy widens her eyes desperately, nodding. "I'm good!"  
  
"Good–" Jake grins competitively–"because I'm taking you _down_ , Santiago."  
  
She finds it in herself to fire back at him with one last burst of energy.  
  
"Not if I take you down _first_ , Peralta."  
  
Rosa rolls her eyes, staying quiet. When these two flirt, it's like she doesn't even exist.  
  


* * *

  
**FOOTBALL FIELD, 1605 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (GAME ONE) | AMY’S ENERGY: 33%**  
  
The first game is underway after Gina randomly splits everyone into two groups and gets them to randomly pick numbers from a bag.  
  
As no one is arranged in order of their numbers, no one knows who they're up against until their number is called.  
  
"Eight!" Is the first number that Gina yells out, and Jake gets a pleasant surprise when he runs out for the ball.  
  
"It's _you?"_ He says with astonishment when he sees Amy running towards the football, grinning at getting to compete directly with her. But in doing so, he clean forgets to run for the ball.  
  
Her speed, on the other hand, doesn't falter despite her mutual surprise at having the same number as Jake, and she gets to the football first. However, Jake recovers quickly and is quick to prevent Amy from scoring.  
  
He does this... by _tackling_ her to the ground.  
  
Amy feels her heart pound as Jake straddles her, his hands pining her wrists against the synthetic grass. Despite her fatigue plunging her into a drowsy haze, Amy finds that she enjoys this immensely.  
  
Jake's a bit slow in getting the ball from Amy, choosing to stick his tongue out at her first– he thinks he's made her mad by preventing her from scoring, when the reality is that Amy's far from fury.  
  
"Not so fast, Santiago," he purrs, and his tantalizing voice sends her pulse racing.  
  
He feels that very pulse quicken against his palms, but takes no note of it.  
  
"Get a room!" Someone calls out.  
  
"Ugh, whatever– _ten!"_ Gina calls out, and before they know it, the ball's snatched away and someone else scores.  
  
That's how the rest of the game goes. Every time Jake and Amy are called, Jake's too focused on tackling Amy to the ground to worry about scoring any points, and both of them wind up with no points at all by the end of the game.  
  


* * *

  
**FOOTBALL FIELD, 1702 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (GAME TWO) | AMY’S ENERGY: 25%**  
  
Less than two minutes into the start of the game, Jake realizes just how screwed he is.  
  
"Hey um," he says to Amy, who's getting pelted with water balloons like he is.  
  
Having ended the first game with the lowest scores (0), a lot of people, especially those with low scores, decide to save their skin by targeting Jake and Amy, in order to keep their own scores from being the lowest.  
  
No one wants to lose and be forced to clean up, after all. And so far, their juniors are succeeding in carrying out this plan.  
  
"You know how I said I wanted to take you down and stuff just now?" Jake asks Amy as they both duck from an incoming water balloon, heads bumping together.  
  
"Ow! Yeah, so?"  
  
"I think we shouldn't do that anymore– because if we don't start working together, we're going to lose."  
  
Amy sighs, before grimacing as she's pelted in the face with a water balloon.  
  
" _Hey!"_ Jake scowls at the person who threw the balloon. "The rag's not on her face!"  
  
He's met with a water balloon to _his_ face for that.  
  
"Maybe we should just give up," Amy laments. "I'm too tired for this and maybe cleaning up isn't that bad?"  
  
Jake's face turns into one of concern. "Oh crap yeah... can't believe I didn't think about that– you stayed up all night to study, didn't you?"  
  
"It's _AP World History,_ Jake, of course I had to."  
  
Jake snorts. "No, you never have to– you _choose_ to study for as long as you always do. Ames, you're super smart, you'll ace the test no matter how little you study."  
  
"Thank you for the vote of confidence, but I only ace tests _because_ I study hard."  
  
Jake's about to retort that, but he's hit in the face really hard by a water balloon again.  
  
"Ow! Okay _that one_ really hurt!" His face is still sore from his scuffle with Teddy a few days back. Thankfully, Holt left Jake and Amy to their own devices that day and didn't see Jake's injuries. Jake's mostly healed by now, but being hit in the face still stings.  
  
"Are you alright?" Amy reaches forth in concern. "Okay this is it, we have to run."  
  
So that's what they do. Work together, try to escape getting hit by water balloons, and also try their best to hit others with water balloons.  
  
But the numbers work against them, and being greatly outnumbered results in Jake and Amy placing dead last in the game again.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA, 1824 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (GAME THREE/DINNER TIME) | AMY’S ENERGY: 20% [TURNING ON LOW POWER MODE IS RECOMMENDED]**  
  
"Okay!” Gina declares once pizza slices have been distributed. "Points of tension in this game: Rosa is leading, so anyone that's close to her score should buck up if they want Babylon–" she holds up the key–"also Jake and Amy are currently tied for last place, so this game is also gonna determine which of these two loses the Triathlon.”  
  
"Actually," Jake pipes up. "I want to forfeit."  
  
Everyone turns to look at Jake in shock– some even gasp dramatically. Forfeiting is a big deal: it means Jake's pulling out from the Triathlon and _volunteering_ to take on the punishment. No one's ever done that in the history of drama camp.  
  
"Why?" Gina asks with a sly grin on her face. She knows exactly why, she just enjoys exposing Jake like this.  
  
"Uh..." Jake scratches his head. "I suck at quizzes, and I just want to eat my pizza because I'm really hungry?”  
  
"Really," Rosa questions monotonously from his right. "So you forfeiting has _nothing_ to do with Amy being too tired to play?"  
  
She has a point– Amy's currently in the washroom splashing water on her face to stay awake.  
  
"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" Jake drags nervously. "No, I'm just saving myself the _torture_ of having to compete with the _quiz master._ "  
  
Amy returns just then, not even bothering to join the conversation and plopping her head over her crossed arms on the table.  
  
Gina snorts. "Oh yes– she's _terrifying,_ Jake, I see why you're forfeiting."  
  
Amy lifts her head up just then. "Wait, forfeiting? Who’s forfeiting? What’s going on?”  
  
"Jake's in love with you," Charles explains, which well– he's not _wrong,_ but his explanation isn't specific to Jake's actions.  
  
"Shut up, Charles, I'm not in love with Amy."  
  
Amy actually falters, being too tired to hide her emotions, but Jake's too busy throwing a fit at Charles to notice.  
  
"Jake's forfeiting because he's hungry," Rosa corrects.  
  
"Thank you, Rosa, see? Everyone listen to Rosa!"  
  
"But really it's because he's in love with you and wants to make sure you don't suffer," Rosa continues to Jake's dismay.  
  
"What? No! Come on, Rosa! Okay, _no one_ listen to Rosa–"  
  
"You're forfeiting because of me?" Amy interrupts in a huff. "That's not fair, I'm not letting you do that!"  
  
"Well I already forfeited so I'm not _un_ forfeiting– I mean, look at you!” Jake gestures sympathetically. “You can barely keep your eyes open. If I don't forfeit, you'll have to clean up and that's just not fair.”  
  
"Honestly Jake–“ Gina rolls her eyes–“you're making the punishment sound like torture. I mean, it's mostly picking up broken balloons and throwing them away–"  
  
"And also cleaning up after everyone's done eating, getting everything into trash bags and _then_ going to the garbage disposal behind school all by yourself, then crying for ten minutes because this is too hard..." Charles trails off sadly, having had his share of experience in the punishment.  
  
Jake pats Charles comfortingly on the back, and he has to excuse himself to the bathroom. Possibly to cry in relief about finally breaking free from the punishment.  
  
“See Amy? The punishment _sucks_. Just look at Charles! Why would you care if I forfeited? No one else is complaining.” He turns to address the rest of the club. “Hey, who wants me to forfeit so you won’t have to worry about having to clean up?”  
  
Everyone starts cheering immediately, because most of them don’t have any pride, and a one way ticket to a hot shower is a saving grace. Jake stretches his palm out to point at the club, showing Amy his back up and smirking as if to say “I told you so”.  
  
“Jake, I don’t care what everyone thinks. If I win, or if I lose, I want it to be on my _own_ terms.”  
  
Jake’s throat tightens in discomfort. He sees her point and wants to respect her wishes, but at the same time he’s incredibly worried about her well-being.  
  
"Amy...” he calmly appeals one final time. “I just don’t want you to pass out.”  
  
"So I won’t pass out!” She declares, like it’s that simple. “Jake, I’m not made of glass. So don’t forfeit.”  
  
"Fine!" Jake folds his arms. "But I'm not going to answer any questions and lose on purpose, so you can _suck it,_ Amy.”  
  
"Well, then I'm not going to answer any questions either!"  
  
Jake scoffs. "Yeah right– you _love_ quizzes, you won't be able to _resist_."  
  
Amy glares at him competitively. "But I have incredible determination– so I'll be fine. Worry about _yourself,_ Peralta."  
  
"Oh really?" His eyes widen incredulously. "So you'll be 'just fine' no matter how many times everyone gets a question that you know the answer to wrong?"  
  
Amy’s eye twitches and she glowers at Jake because he’s right, which is when Gina decides to intervene.  
  
"Okay that's enough sexually-tense arguing you crazy kids– I have a game to run."  
  
Jake and Amy blatantly ignore Gina's calling out of their weird flirty fighting, but they obey her anyway.  
  
"May the best player lose," Jake chimes as he holds his hand out, which Amy shakes confidently.  
  
"Wow," he gawks as he lets go. "Your handshake is firm."  
  
"I took a seminar," Amy brags.  
  
"Where?”  
  
"Job interview skills seminar the school let us sign up for," Amy shrugs, because of course she signed up for that.  
  
Gina gets a grin on her face. "Really, Amy? And how long was this seminar?"  
  
"Three hours."  
  
"That is correct!" Gina declares. "You may take a bite of your pizza."  
  
Amy gets a look of horror on her face. "No! I wasn't trying to answer a question! How was that official?"  
  
"It's _official_ because _I_ asked it, sweetie," Gina chortles. "Now eat your stupid pizza so you don't pass out."  
  
Jake laughs at Amy. "So much for your incredible determination, huh?"  
  
Amy frowns at Jake as she takes a small bite of her pizza– only to moan in relief because it tastes so good. She’s so hungry.  
  
Gina sighs, giving Amy an extra slice. “This pizza isn’t counted for the game. So eat it you idiot.”  
  
Jake gives Gina a grateful look, glad to see that he’s not the only one who’s worried about Amy’s well-being.  
  
“Slow down, Santiago,” Rosa warns, peering in concern at Amy who’s wolfing down her pizza. “I’m not in the mood to watch someone die today.”  
  
Jake smiles at Rosa too, who looks weirded out, so he decides against giving a speech about how it warms his heart to see his friends loving each other.  
  
Instead, Jake proceeds to gloat about how he's got this _loss_ in the bag for the longest time after– but he runs into trouble when Gina starts asking questions about Die Hard.  
  
"Name the villain in the first Die Hard movie," Gina poses this question cheekily, and Amy smirks widely when she sees Jake flinch.  
  
"What's wrong, Jake?" Amy drawls, "feel _compelled_ suddenly?"  
  
Jake gives her a tense smile. "No, not compelled at all."  
  
But it seems everyone is against Jake, because anyone that attempts to answer the question keeps getting it wrong– most definitely on purpose.  
  
"Is it Hans... Solo?"  
  
"No..." Jake groans as he covers his ears with his hands.  
  
"What's wrong Jake?" Amy stares at him as if truly curious. "Is that not the answer? Do you know the right one?"  
  
Jake glares at her. "I hate you."  
  
Amy gasps, as if she’s hurt and shocked by this. "And I thought you were doing this because you're deeply in love with me."  
  
Jake bites his lip painfully. "Yeah, _in your dreams_ , Santiago."  
  
Amy attempts to add fuel to the fire that burns Jake by answering the question incorrectly too.  
  
“Is it William Atherton? John McClane?”  
  
“Honestly, I’m too proud to see that you know those names to get mad,” he tells her, proving her efforts futile.  
  
But Jake's breaking point eventually comes when someone attempts to suggest 'Gans Hruber' as the villain for Die Hard.  
  
"Oh my god! It's Hans Gruber, okay? _Hans Gruber!"_  
  
People snicker and Gina straight up cackles at watching Jake snap.  
  
"Congratulations Jake, you get a bite of your pizza."  
  
He angrily chomps on the admittedly amazing pizza– now they're even, and he has to make sure Amy wins so she doesn't have to clean up.  
  
But the moment to do so never comes. Eventually, the last person remaining finishes and Jake and Amy are left tied fighting for last place.  
  
"This isn't over Santiago– you're gonna _win_ , and you're gonna have a nice, warm, and _refreshing_ shower!"  
  
"Nope, _you're_ going to win, and _I'm_ going to clean everything up by myself because I'm perfectly fine!"  
  
Gina groans disruptively and follows her frustration with a concluding sigh. "Look, screw the both of you. I need to shower, and if I don't hurry up Rosa's gonna use all the hot water in Babylon. So you two are tied for last place, which means you can clean everything up _together_ , 'kay?"  
  
Yes, Rosa obviously won the game, and yes, Gina was always going to shower in Babylon, because in the first place, she's the one with the key.  
  
Gina leaves, and Jake and Amy look blankly at each other.  
  
"That was... anticlimactic."  
  
Jake inhales deeply, resigning himself to the current situation. "Well uh– wanna split the leftover pizza?"  
  
“Yes please,” Amy assents, stuffing pizza into her mouth without another word.

 

* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 2035 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (SEARCHING FOR A BATHROOM) | AMY’S ENERGY: CRITICALLY LOW [LOW POWER MODE ACTIVATED]**  
  
Jake and Amy clean up without much of a fuss after eating; discovering quickly that cleaning up isn’t that hard, it was just hard for Charles because he was doing it all by himself (year after year!) and also... he’s _Charles._  
  
But Amy’s still extremely relieved when they finish clearing everything up because she gets to shower.  
  
To Amy's horror, however, when she goes searching for a bathroom, every one she comes across is locked– it's especially frustrating given how sticky she is: a mixture of sweat and gross balloon water has her uncomfortably damp, and the fatigue she refuses to admit having plagues her miserably.  
  
She wants nothing more than to dive under warm covers, dry, safe, and happy.  
  
But her bed is far from reach, both in terms of time and proximity, since she'll be forced to curl up in a sleeping bag at the theater for the night. This is camp for a reason, after all.  
  
Finally, Amy gives up and calls Gina.  
  
"Hey, where you at? We're playing truth or dare."  
  
"Gina, why are all the bathrooms locked?"  
  
"Because I locked all of them– you're supposed to use the bathrooms on the first floor, remember?"  
  
Amy sulks, not remembering this at all, because she's never placed last for drama camp games until now. Apparently, losers shower on the first floor– a place which she hears is gross and disgusting because of the football team.  
  
"Gina, the first floor bathrooms aren't even for girls!"  
  
"Only during school hours– when it’s camp time, nothing means anything. So suck it up and shower.”  
  


* * *

  
**FIRST FLOOR BATHROOMS, 2046 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (SHOWER TIME) | AMY’S ENERGY: CRITICALLY LOW [WARNING: LOW POWER MODE REDUCES POWER CONSUMPTION UNTIL ENERGY IS RECHARGED TO REACH A SUFFICIENT LEVEL. WHEN THIS IS ON, HUMAN SHOULD BE EXPECTED TO BEHAVE STRANGELY AND UNLIKE ORDINARY SELF]**  
  
Amy sucks it up and goes down to the first floor to shower– not bothering to argue with Gina. She's in desperate need of a shower and she's so sleep-deprived she feels like dying. Her efforts at making sure she got to clean up after the games feel silly now.  
  
So when she's in sight of the bathroom on the first floor, she barges into the place, not caring about anything that could deter her; potential weird smells, strange bugs, underwear lying around left by the football team–  
  
What she doesn't expect is to come crashing into a _half-naked_ Jake Peralta.  
  
They both scream, Jake louder so than Amy because she just simply doesn't have the energy to fuel the emotion of shock any longer.  
  
"Amy, what the hell?" Jake takes in quick breaths in rapid succession. He's just had the shock of his life. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Amy doesn't respond immediately, quickly mesmerized by Jake's state. He's got a towel wrapped around his waist, exposed hips teasing what’s hidden beneath the offending white cloth. Her eyes fixate on his chest, still dripping wet from his shower.  
  
"Amy?" He notices her staring and grins widely, jumping at the opportunity to tease her.  
  
"Uh... yeah?" She looks up, innocently maintaining eye contact with Jake.  
  
"Like what you see, huh?”  
  
Amy gulps, quickly looking away, and Jake bites away the urge to laugh.  
  
"I wasn't looking–" she protests–"just...”  
  
"Oh, so my nipples just _happened_ to be staring at your eyes?"  
  
Amy’s hand grazes her neck in a bashful manner, face burning pink which convinces Jake to back off.  
  
"Don't worry Ames– I have a beautiful body, and I'm glad you appreciate it. But uh– it's customary for you to show me yours after I show you mine."  
  
For the record, Jake's entirely joking– despite how much he's teasing her for it, Jake didn't think Amy was actually checking him out. He thought she was just shocked, like he was. And also tired. Which she is.  
  
Unfortunately, as mentioned, Amy's just reached the peak of her exhaustion. And when she's this sleep deprived, Amy gets very suggestible.  
  
To the point where she actually tries to comply with what Jake (jokingly!!! It was a joke!!!) demands.  
  
Her hands move to the top button of her shirt and starts to undo it; but of course, she doesn't get past the third button before Jake's hands rush forth to stop her.  
  
"Oh my god Amy– what are you doing?" He demands to know desperately, somehow terrified at the prospect of seeing Amy's... y'know.  
  
"Showing you mine," she explains simply, before quickly stifling a yawn.  
  
Jake cautiously raises his hand to feel her forehead– his other hand still firmly restraining Amy in case she starts stripping again. She’s a little warm to the touch, but not feverish, thankfully.  
  
It’s not that Jake’s opposed to seeing Amy's presumably gorgeous body– but at this stage of sleep deprivation? Amy's unable to properly consent to anything.  
  
"Amy, I was joking– god you're really tired aren't you?"  
  
Amy nods, not bothering to stop herself from yawning this time. "Mmhmm."  
  
"Okay, we'll try and fix that soon, but first you need to shower or you'll get sick. Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in a girl's bathroom?"  
  
"Oh, uh– Gina said the other bathrooms are locked and I have to shower here because it's part of the punishment."  
  
Jake seems to have come to an understanding on something. "So that explains the text."  
  
"What text?" Amy asks.  
  
"Never mind," Jake shakes his head. "I'll tell you all about it when you're not two seconds away from passing out."  
  
Gina sent Jake a text saying _**enjoy your shower sex ;)**_ , but that's not very important.  
  


* * *

  
**FIRST FLOOR BATHROOMS, 2050 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (SHOWER TIME CONT.) | AMY’S ENERGY: TERRIFYINGLY LOW [REMINDER: CONTINUING TO OPERATE AT THIS LEVEL OF ENERGY WILL RESULT IN SEVERE CONSEQUENCES]**  
  
Amy grouses miserably, slumping over the nearest bench and reflexively dumping her bag of clothes next to her. Jake averts his eyes because her still partially unbuttoned shirt exposes things that he feels he has no right to see.  
  
"I'm too tired– can't someone else do the showering for me?"  
  
"There's no one here, Amy."  
  
She looks at him. "You're not _no one_."  
  
Jake's breath hitches in fear again. "Amy... you don't know what you're saying."  
  
"Who cares? It's just... skin. Is the concept of my bare skin that scary?"  
  
Jake’s lungs threaten to freeze, as well as shrivel up and die at the same time. The concept of Amy’s bare skin isn't scary– quite the opposite, really.  
  
"Amy, please–"  
  
"You like boobs, right? Jake, if you help me you’ll get to touch them, isn't that good? Please, I'm so tired just clean m–"  
  
Jake clamps his hand over Amy's mouth to stop her from talking. His mind is racing wildly with inappropriate images. The invitation to rub Amy's body down with soap is so tempting but he refuses to let lust cloud his judgement. Amy in this sleep-deprived state seems akin to a (very seductive) drunk person, so he knows Amy would never say stuff like this normally. This is not something Amy would want if she was in the right state of mind.  
  
(What he doesn't know is that Amy in her right state of mind would never say stuff like this– but only because she has enough restraint to stop herself.)  
  
"Amy please, you're gonna say something that you'll regret."  
  
Amy’s expression depresses downheartedly at this– and he's reminded of the time Amy was high off her ass on painkillers.  
  
He's struck by a thought– maybe this really forward side of Amy comes from some _genuine feelings?_ Actual wants and desires that Amy harbors?  
  
Haha, yeah right. _In his dreams._ Jake quickly quashes these thoughts, because he can't let himself be too stupidly hopeful– or he'll end up saying something that could make everything weird.  
  
"You... don't want to touch me?" Amy asks dejectedly when Jake removes his hand from her mouth.  
  
Jake's struck with iron-hot desire as well as a burning sense of guilt. Amy’s piercing eyes burn a hole into his heart; he hates seeing her in any sort of pain. Especially pain he causes.  
  
He can't stop himself from pressing a longing kiss against Amy's lips.  
  
_"I always want to touch you,"_ he declares, his hand holding her close by the waist as he says this.  
  
His words spur the need in Amy’s eyes, and being in her presence grows evermore dangerous. She’s far too intoxicating.  
  
"But you're barely here and don't know what you're saying. You can't consent to anything. So please, before I get a heart attack because you're so _hot–_ " he heaves–"you literally have no idea how hard it is to resist you– please go shower. I'll stay outside just in case but try not to pass out, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Amy obliges.  
  
"And no _pretending_ to pass out so I help you shower– the floor's super gross, so you wouldn't want to lie on it either."  
  
Amy frowns at this, like that had been a plan of hers.  
  
Thankfully, Amy ends up showering without further protest, and Jake changes into casual wear for bedtime later– he's in a simple grey shirt and knee length shorts. Being clothed makes him feel more at ease, more confident about any subsequent interactions with Amy.  
  
But when she emerges from the shower, Jake yelps in an embarrassing manner and turns away. So much for his confidence.  
  
Thankfully, Amy's not naked. She's got a towel wrapped around her body— but it doesn't cover up enough. With one glance, Jake's already got the sight of Amy in that towel seared into his mind, because deep down he's a pervert and his mind holds on tight to the curves of her hips and her distractingly smooth thighs. He also sees her shoulders– bare and wet with droplets of water he wishes to lick off her skin.  
  
She laughs at him for turning around, as if his sad state weren’t already sad enough.  
  
“Seriously? I’m not Medusa, looking at me won’t turn you to stone.”  
  
“Maybe I won’t turn to stone, but something will get _rock-hard_ , trust me.”  
  
Amy titters sharply, and Jake can’t believe how much he hates himself– he’s literally going through hell yet he’s still making puns.  
  
“Don’t you want to look?”  
  
“Did that shower make you even _more_ tired somehow?”  
  
“That’s not an answer, Jake.”  
  
He breathes in harshly, choking his lungs with air. “Of course I want to look Amy, but... I can’t. I _shouldn’t._ ”  
  
Amy whips the back of Jake’s neck with a towel and he jerks in place, shivering from the touch.  
  
“I’m dressed, you can turn around.”  
  
Cautiously, Jake does this, heaving a sigh of relief when he sees that Amy wasn’t lying.  
  
Although, what she wears isn’t exactly a huge improvement. Once his eyes trail down, Jake realizes that Amy’s only got a tight black tank top and her underwear on, which gets his head whipping back around again, hearing her chuckle at how he flusters.  
  
“You lied!” He complains, although a part of him doesn’t want to complain and hates that he turned back around.  
  
Sleep-deprived Amy is making things really hard for Jake.  
  
“How did I lie? I never said I was _fully_ dressed.”  
  
She’s right, but Jake still feels scandalized.  
  
“I’m not supposed to look, Amy.”  
  
“But I want you to look.”  
  
“You’re not Amy right now– you’re some crazy tired lady who’s trying to trick me into doing something Amy will hate me for doing.”  
  
Amy sighs. “Fine,” but then Jake feels her grab his hand and place it on her thigh– he nearly pulls away, but then he feels cotton in between his hand and her skin, causing him to turn around in relief.  
  
Partial relief, because Jake’s hand is far too high up Amy’s leg, and the look Amy gives him eats him alive.  
  
“Am I clothed enough for you?” She asks, eyes glazed with his hand still on her thigh, held in place by her.  
  
Jake gives up. “Amy, keep that up and I’m going to start wanting to un-clothe you.”  
  
“If you wanted to see me naked so badly, you should’ve hopped into that shower with me,” she drawls attractively, and Jake officially stops breathing.  
  
His fingers dance over the strap on her shoulder. One swipe and he could push it off easily, and have her the way he so badly craves– but he would never do that to Amy in her state.  
  
“One day. Soon. If you’re for real about this, if you still want this when you’re yourself then tell me and I’ll happily hop into the shower with you. And scrub you anywhere you want my hands.”  
  
“Why can’t we do that right now?”  
  
Jake snorts. Sleep-deprived Amy has very poor information processing abilities, and his chest sours at the thought that his offer will slip from Amy’s mind. He’s been in deliriously tired states before and never properly remembers what he does or says afterwards.  
  
But whatever. If Amy remembers his embarrassing offer, she’ll also remember all the embarrassing things she said and did so she’ll think twice before making fun of Jake.  
  
“Because right now– we need to wake you up.”  
  
“But I’m already awake.”  
  
“I mean really wake you up, with coffee.” Jake grins. “And not just _any_ coffee. Hitchcock and Scully’s coffee.”  
  
Hitchcock and Scully were members of the drama club that have since graduated. They were never good for much– except for their coffee brewing skills, which were second to none.  
  
During days where everyone had to rehearse long hours to the point where exhaustion threatened to end them all– Hitchcock and Scully’s coffee was there to wake everyone up.  
  
Legend says that their coffee can perk anyone up– one cup alone is equivalent to a good night’s sleep. Some claim that even placing a cup of Hitchcock and Scully’s coffee next to a person could rouse them even if they were in a coma.  
  
So Hitchcock and Scully’s coffee is definitely something Amy needs now. Because Jake is on the verge of dying or giving in to sleep-deprived Amy’s demands.  
  
“Didn’t they leave years ago?”  
  
“Yes, but their coffee lives on. And I know exactly how to make it.”  
  


* * *

  
**COFFEE BREWING MACHINE, 2115 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (GOODBYE SLEEP-DEPRIVED AMY WHO’S SCARILY LIKE PAINKILLER AMY)**  
  
“So how do you make this coffee?” Amy asks as she watches Jake press buttons which should basically tell her exactly how to make the coffee, but she’s too exhausted to make this link.  
  
“I don’t think that’s important,” Jake brushes off as he waits for the coffee to brew.  
  
When it cools, Amy downs the entire cup. The effect isn’t exactly instantaneous, but within ten minutes of finishing the coffee Amy’s back to her regular self.  
  
This is about when Jake gets a call from Gina.  
  
“Okay if you’re picking up this fast you can’t possibly _still_ be having shower sex with Amy so–“  
  
“I didn’t have _shower sex_ with Amy, Gina–“  
  
Amy’s eyes widen at this, and this reaction convinces Jake that regular Amy has truly returned.  
  
“What? No! Why not?”  
  
Jake hears Rosa cackling and demanding some form of cash in the background, and he rolls his eyes because his friends are the worst.  
  
“Maybe you should stop making so many bets with Rosa and _TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO KISS HER FACE–_ “ Jake exclaims over the phone. Whether he’s on speaker or not, Rosa would’ve probably heard something.  
  
Which means Gina will likely kill him for that, but after what he’s experienced with Amy, he fears death no longer.  
  
“Shut up, you little bitch– and get over to the staff room.”  
  
“Why the staff room?”  
  
“We needed a door that locks that isn’t already locked like all the stupid classrooms. I have a key card to the staff room. Anyway– mandatory game, so you and Amy should get your asses over here.”  
  
“Yeah, sorry, I was getting Amy some coffee. She was super sleep-de–“  
  
“OH is this the part of sleep-deprived Amy that has no filter? Like, where she’s _super honest_ and direct about everything?”  
  
Jake instantly goes breathless at this– his instinct is to deny Gina’s words at all cost because the thought that Amy could really mean everything she said to him is too overwhelming.  
  
“Uh... no?”  
  
“Then what did she do?”  
  
“Nothing– coffee’s just. Important.”  
  
“Whatever, just get your asses over here ASAP.”  
  
“What game are we playing?”  
  
“You’ll find out when you get here!”  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (EXTERIOR), 2145 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (MYSTERY GAME TIME)**  
  
Jake almost takes to his heels, wanting to flee when he realizes what game they’re playing.  
  
“Really? Seven minutes in heaven?” Amy groans when she sees her name and Jake’s name being written and inserted into a hat.  
  
“Don’t be such downers you two– everyone’s having fun.”  
  
Of course, in light of the fact that they have members ranging from ages 14-18, they have five different hats. One for the freshmen, one for the sophomores, one for the juniors, one for the seniors, and one for anyone that’s game for playing with anyone (no one will snitch).  
  
“Jake should go next,” Charles suggests after two juniors who look very eager about getting locked up in the staff room together for seven minutes enter.  
  
“Why me? I just got here!”  
  
“Exactly why you should go first,” Rosa grins, so Jake relents and grabs the bag.  
  
He doesn’t know why everyone looks so happy, because he could easily pick any of the seniors.  
  
He grabs a piece of paper, pulling it out.  
  
“Amy Santi– _fuck._ ”  
  
Everyone breaks out into laughter at him.  
  
“Who’s Amy Santifuck? I’d like to meet her,” Gina teases.  
  
“Amy Santi _ago_ ,” Jake repeats in annoyance.  
  
A few people break out into applause at Jake having picked out Amy’s slip of paper (even though the whole thing was rigged– Amy was the only name scrawled on the slips of paper in the hat Jake took).  
  
“What’s everyone clapping for?” Amy asks in confusion. “We’ve kissed several times, this shouldn’t be exciting at all.”  
  
“Also what makes you guys think we’ll kiss in there?” Jake points out haughtily. “We could just spend the seven minutes doing _nothing_.”  
  
“And why are we playing this game in the staff room?” Amy asks Gina. “You know there’re cameras in there, right?”  
  
Gina rolls her eyes. “Duh! That’s why I told everyone to go into the supply closet– no cameras. And that’s just a precaution because they never check the surveillance footage unless something goes wrong.”  
  
Of course, Gina’s also going to remove the surveillance footage later on– but to be safe she doesn’t announce this in front of the entire club. She barely trusts most of them to begin with.  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 2153 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (GETTING LOCKED IN)**  
  
“Still think this is stupid!” Jake protests as Gina shuts the door, the electromagnetic lock clicking in place.  
  
“No one cares! You’re staying there for seven minutes!”  
  
Jake sighs, turning to face Amy who’s got her arms crossed.  
  
“Well, we did what we could. Should we make out? I mean, no one’s gonna know right?”  
  
Amy purses his lips at Jake’s suggestion. “Maybe. Or we could explore the staff room.”  
  
“What’s there to explore?” Jake asks. “It’s a staff room. There’s like... homework and stuff lying around. Ooh! Maybe I could copy off someone and actually hand up the assignment for once.”  
  
“Jake, we have seven minutes– you’re not doing _homework._ ”  
  
Jake gasps unevenly. “Where is Amy Santiago and what have you _done_ to her?”  
  
“Whatever– I’m just saying you won’t get anything done in _seven minutes,_ so we should look for something else in here that’s _also_ interesting to do and won’t take too long.”  
  
Jake tuts in mock disapproval. “Oh Amy, are you suggesting we snoop? _Invade_ the privacy of our revered teachers? Because yes, I’m 100% in.”  
  
“We’re not going to snoop! Just... look around. That’s it.”  
  
Jake laughs. “Well, I’m snooping even if you aren’t– so are you with me?”  
  
Amy hesitates for a moment, then decides she has nothing to lose.  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 2200 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (END OF JAKE AND AMY’S SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN)**  
  
“Okay you crazy kids–“ Gina calls with her hand cupped against the door to enhance her volume. “Fun’s over, time to get back out here.”  
  
“We’re already here!” Jake and Amy gruff as they stand next to the door.  
  
They didn’t manage to find much during their seven minutes– as it turns out, when you’re snooping in messy staff rooms seven minutes is just not enough time. They barely got through the gross contents of Mr McGintley’s desk before the time was up. He had stale pizza hidden in a drawer that grossed Amy out. Jake kept daring Amy to taste it but she refused, which took up most of their time.  
  
Gina swipes the key card, expecting to hear the familiar beep and click that never failed to open the door countless times before.  
  
But this time, she hears nothing. Complete silence.  
  
“Uh oh,” Gina hesitates, before swiping the key card again. Still nothing.  
  
“Maybe I should try–“ Rosa suggests, grabbing the key card from Gina. She doesn’t get the door to open either.  
  
“Uh, guys? What’s going on?” Jake asks cautiously.  
  
“The door won’t open,” Gina explains.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Come on, open up!” Amy begs in a state of panic. “I’m very claustrophobic!”  
  
Jake’s just as apprehensive at the prospect of being in the stuffy staff room, locked behind closed doors indefinitely.  
  
“If this is a prank, it’s not funny!”  
  
“It’s not a prank!” Gina huffs. “Trust me, I want you two kids out of there as much as you do. If anyone finds out you two were here we could all get into trouble.”  
  
Gina’s not really lying, because she desperately wants Jake and Amy out of the staff room. She is, however, lying about the reason why.  
  
_Gina and Rosa_ are next up in line to be locked in that staff room, and Gina’s very frustrated about not getting to have her seven minutes in heaven.  
  
As is Rosa, but she’s trying not to show it.  
  
“What?” Amy feels herself beginning to hyperventilate. “No no _no no no_ I can’t–“  
  
“Relax,” Gina assures. “I won’t let you two get into trouble. But for real, I think you two are stuck in there for the moment. I’m gonna make a few calls and get to the bottom of this.”  
  
Jake inhales in frustration, before looking resolutely at Amy and taking her hand.  
  
“Jake where–“  
  
Before she can finish that question, she realizes that Jake’s leading her to the supply closet. He moves quickly, and soon has the door shut, his arms pinned to the wall, thus enclosing her.  
  
“I didn’t get my seven minutes in heaven,” he explains heatedly, and nothing but that exact heat courses roughly through Amy’s veins.  
  
She moves in first as a response, the darkness enveloping and encouraging their desire; they’re spurred on by the sounds of each other, panting and inhaling with equal fervor and desperation.  
  
Hands are sliding dangerously across and around places they usually avoid touching out of some unspoken boundaries. Bit by bit, they start to tear these boundaries down.  
  
Jake pulls away suddenly, because there’s a thought nagging him at the back of his head, and he can’t move forth without entertaining it.  
  
“Do you remember?” He asks, fingers gingerly clutching Amy’s cheeks. “Do you remember what happened in the showers?”  
  
Amy nods her head vigorously. “Mmhmm,” she mumbles in assent before plunging back into Jake’s lips.  
  
It’s not an answer Jake can comprehend, but if Amy’s kissing him what idiot would he be if he pushed her away?  
  
“Hey!” Gina calls from outside the staff room, shocking Jake and Amy and forcing them apart.  
  
They quickly and awkwardly make their way to the door, trying desperately to catch their breath and sound like they haven’t just been making out.  
  
“Yeah?” Jake asks breathlessly, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
“You two sound like you just ran a marathon,” Rosa remarks.  
  
Well, so much for being discreet.  
  
Gina chuckles, drawing the obvious conclusion.  
  
“Okay so– I made some calls and apparently the staff room locks automatically at 10pm every night. It’s some security thing, it’s stupid. I mean, who cares about our safety and well-being?”  
  
Amy groans. “Really Gina? Why’d you make us play seven minutes in heaven in here then?”  
  
“Hey! How was I supposed to know there’d be _consequences_ for my _actions?”_  
  
“It’s fine, Gina,” Jake assures. “What time does it unlock?”  
  
“Uh... five in the morning?”  
  
“What?” Jake groans. “We’ll be stuck here all night! Can’t we ask someone to come back and unlock it for us?”  
  
“Nope, because that would involve telling someone and that would get you two into trouble. So sit tight folks, you’re camping here tonight.”  
  
“Enjoy your seven _hours_ in heaven,” Rosa teases.  
  
“This sucks!” Jake complains. “It’s super stuffy in here!”  
  
“I’ll turn on the air conditioner, call or text if you need anything— we’re playing seven minutes in heaven somewhere else now.”  
  
“You guys are still playing that after what happened to us?”  
  
“We aren’t _pansies,_ Jake!”  
  


* * *

  
**BABYLON, 2217 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (PRIVATE SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN)**  
  
Gina and Rosa don’t exactly tell the full truth to Jake and Amy. Instead of conducting another seven minutes in heaven game with the rest of the club, they make everyone go to bed, and then sneak up to the bathroom they found and decorated together— Babylon, duh.  
  
“I can’t believe you tried to offer this place as a prize for winning the Triathlon,” Rosa complains as she sits on one of the expensive-looking chairs they put in the bathroom. The air smells faintly of lavender, because they’ve lit a lavender-scented candle.  
  
“I only did that because I knew you’d win anyway. You look hot when you’re all _determined–_ “ Gina drawls.  
  
No words are exchanged after that, because Rosa and Gina move forward in a passionate kiss. This kiss is one that’s a long time coming, and one they were previously denied of.  
  
Their anger surrounding not getting to kiss despite being given the opportunity where they were “forced” to kiss before leads to this unspoken mutual understanding.  
  
They are tired of games. They are tired of coming so close yet being so far.  
  
It’s that simple– and while it makes the years of pining seem stupid and pointless, they wouldn’t have traded any of it for anything else.  
  
Sweet relief exchanges with each lick and kiss– they barely say a word but they know that they’re both in the same place emotionally and they refuse to hold back any more.  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 2215 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (MORE CONSEQUENCES OF GINA’S ACTIONS)**  
  
Jake and Amy are freezing. As promised, Gina turns on the air conditioner for them right after she bids her farewell, but what Jake and Amy quickly realize is that she’s set the temperature much too low and it’s too cold for either of them to handle.  
  
Especially with the thin layers they’re both wearing.  
  
They’ve tried calling and texting Gina, but five missed calls and twenty text messages later leaves them with nothing. Not so much as a sad face or an “oops! my bad!” emoji.  
  
“What is she doing? She said if we needed anything we just have to c-call or text...” Amy shivers, hugging her bare arms in regret. She should’ve worn a thick wool jumper instead of this stupid tank top.  
  
“Hey, come here,” Jake frets, pulling Amy in for a hug. He’s cold too, but Amy clearly needs more warmth than he does.  
  
They can’t figure out how to turn the heat on, or how to raise the temperature either– but Amy feels less frustrated about the cold at getting to share Jake’s warmth, his chest soothing against her cheek.  
  
“I have no idea where Gina is, but now we just need to find a way to stay warm.”  
  
After they were abruptly interrupted just now, the heat and tension between them gets literally replaced by cold chilling air.  
  
Actually, the heat and tension is still there, but it’s like they’re afraid to admit to it now. The bubble has burst, and now Jake has to hug Amy and pretend he doesn’t already have an idea in mind that can help them stay warm.  
  
“That’s true,” Amy agrees. “Maybe we should find a warmer place. This is a big staff room, we’ll find an area that doesn’t feel like a freezer soon enough. Maybe we’ll even find a thermostat! We weren’t searching hard enough before anyway.”  
  
Jake nods, pulling Amy closer. “Yeah. Or we could go back to the supply closet,” he suggests hopefully.  
  
“That’s not sustainable Jake, it’s too small to let a person sleep overnight, let alone two.”  
  
Jake stifles a breath in annoyance, not sure whether to be more direct or stop altogether. That’s not what he means at all– he just wants to make a quick pit stop at the supply closet for a little... intimacy.  
  
And either Amy doesn’t understand or she’s refusing to engage in any such _intimacy_ with Jake. Which he’s completely okay with, he just needs to know whether she sees where he stands on the matter.  
  
“You know I’m not suggesting we sleep there. Well actually I am. But not ‘sleep-sleep’–“  
  
“Jake we’re not having _sex_ in the supply closet.”  
  
“Woah!” Jake raises his hands as if offended, even though he’s mostly relieved to know Amy understood him perfectly. The only downside is that she clearly doesn’t want him. “Who said anything about sex?”  
  
Amy rolls her eyes. “You did– and I don’t know what happened in that bathroom but we’re not having sex just to stay warm–“  
  
“Wait–“ Jake’s entire face falls in disappointment. “So you don’t remember what happened in that bathroom?”  
  
“I mean, I was running on two hours of sleep, I don’t think I was even aware of what I said. Why? What happened?”  
  
Jake shakes his head. “Nothing, just... when we were kissing earlier you said you did.”  
  
Amy reddens shyly, dragging fingers through her hair.  
  
“I don’t know, you stopped kissing me, so–“  
  
The corners of Jake’s lips unmistakably turn up. “Was I so _irresistible_ that you just said yes to whatever I asked?”  
  
“I– that’s not the _point,_ Jake.”  
  
“How’s that not the point?” He points his finger at her. “Admit it, you’ve got it super bad for me.”  
  
“Whatever– I’m not the one who wanted to have sex in the _supply closet_.”  
  
“Hey!” Jake protests. “It’s a perfectly viable place to bone!”  
  
“It’s a supply closet, Jake! Besides, how ridiculous would you feel telling others that you had a– _one night stand_ because you were cold?”  
  
“Ridiculous? That would be so dope, heck, the coolest story I’d ever have!”  
  
He wants to correct her on the one night stand thing too– because he wants more than that. But he decides against it, because it’s really not the time.  
  
“Cool? I don’t know how taking off clothes would make me warm, but–“  
  
“ _We both know I can warm you up better than that tank top,”_ Jake cuts in enticingly.  
  
Amy’s very tempted to let him rub her down with those hands, but she can’t let him get his way, because Jake can’t be allowed to get more cocky than he already is.  
  
“I’m perfectly capable of warming _myself_ up, thank you,” Amy retorts suggestively, in the most subtle of ways.  
  
Jake raises his eyebrow, eyes twinkling at the notion Amy aggravates him with.  
  
“Really? Then go ahead and warm yourself up, Amy. I’m more than happy to watch.”  
  
Amy shivers again, not because she’s cold, but reminding Jake of the freezing temperatures is a good means of deflecting from the unsettling matter at hand.  
  
“Stop messing around, Jake. We need to find a heat source.”  
  
Jake relents apologetically. “Okay, I’ll stop. Maybe... we should go to the break room? Get something to eat?”  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 2230 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (BREAK ROOM)**  
  
“Ooh!” Jake gushes as they enter the break room. “It feels slightly warmer in here.”  
  
“ _Slightly_ being the key word–“ Amy grits, crossing her arms in yet another futile attempt to retain heat. “It’s still pretty cold.”  
  
“They have a kettle here!” Jake celebrates, looking like a scavenger with the way every single every day item one could easily locate in a pantry excites him. “Oh my god it’s a _fridge._ ”  
  
Amy laughs, and momentarily forgets the bone-chilling temperatures. “Have you never seen a fridge in your life?”  
  
Jake rolls his eyes. “No, don’t you get it? The sides of this fridge are warm.”  
  
Amy rushes for the fridge, bumping and pushing him away in order to get as much heat as she can from the limited area of exposed heat. The fridge is lodged between a countertop and the wall, which means only one person can fully lean against the side of the fridge at a time.  
  
“You could’ve at least said excuse me,” Jake chides in a lighthearted manner.  
  
Amy moans as the heat radiates through her body, relief in the form of piping hot energy against her skin.  
  
Jake gulps, eyes trained on Amy’s expressions as she relishes in the comfort of the fridge’s heat, ears threatening to combust at the sounds Amy makes.  
  
“Never mind, you’re forgiven.”  
  
“Don’t care if you forgive me– this feels _so good.”_  
  
Jake snorts. “Can’t believe you’d rather make love to the fridge than me.”  
  
“Stop trying to come between me and Mr Fridge, Jake. Our love is special.”  
  
“I’m heartbroken. And here I was, deeply in love with you like an idiot.”  
  
Amy chuckles, sliding out from the sequestered area and wrapping her arms around Jake, pressing her body against him.  
  
“Am I warm enough for you?”  
  
Jake’s entire body stiffens. “Amy, what are you doing?”  
  
“Sharing Mr Fridge’s heat. I’m not actually _that_ selfish.”  
  
“Please stop, I have very bad self-control and you have no idea how much I want to shove my hand down your pants right now.”  
  
Amy stays pressed against Jake like that for a second more before she pulls away. But it’s a slow, gradual pull and she looks so conflicted it’s as if she wants Jake to act on his desires.  
  
“How do you do that?” Amy asks, her eyes blank in a trance.  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“Just... say stuff like that.”  
  
Jake crosses his arms, thinking carefully about how he should respond.  
  
“Do you like it when I say stuff like that?”  
  
She hesitates. “Maybe.”  
  
“I don’t think it should come as a shock that I say the things I say. I badly wanna have sex with you– _don’t think that’s a secret._ ”  
  
Her chest heaves as she freezes in place again, and Jake worries that he’s gone a bit too far.  
  
Thankfully, she looks up at him. “You really do?”  
  
He looks incredulously at her. “Did you not get that from the... _multiple times_ I’ve hit on you?”  
  
“I thought you were joking,” Amy rationalizes. “You’re always joking. You’ve literally _claimed_ to be joking.”  
  
Jake peers at Amy in surprise. “And here I was thinking that I was a bad liar.”  
  
“You are a bad liar– I just... I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to assume.”  
  
“Well I assure you it’s something I want. A lot. And I’ve... thought about it when I ‘warm myself up’.”  
  
Amy looks at him, as if entranced. “You–“  
  
“Sorry,” he exhales with restraint. “That’s probably going too far so I’ll stop now.” Jake moves away from Amy and fills up the kettle at the sink. “You want hot cocoa? Mine isn’t as good as Charles’ but it’s still drinkable.”  
  
She doesn’t want hot cocoa, she wants _him._  
  
Amy begins to regret turning down his offer to hook up in the supply closet. Even though regardless of how serious he was being, that was and still is a bad idea.  
  
“Jake, you–“  
  
“Yeah?” He asks innocently, as if he didn’t just leave Amy hanging out to dry. Does he know what he’s doing, the extent to which his words are affecting her?  
  
“You can’t just say something like _that_ and then offer to make me _hot cocoa_ ,” she rasps. She’s frustrated, and it angers her to see Jake smile. The jerk’s doing this on _purpose._  
  
“But hot cocoa is _amazing._ ”  
  
“I hate you,” she curses.  
  
“Why? I’ve been perfectly nice– and I’m making you hot cocoa for free right now. Charles only makes me hot cocoa when I get a bruise.”  
  
They both know Jake has the upper hand right now. Amy’s a hot mess, soaking wet with arousal (although Jake doesn’t need to know that), and Jake’s coolly making them hot beverages.  
  
She wants to turn things around.  
  
“Then I don’t deserve that hot cocoa. You should _bruise_ me first.”  
  
Jake flinches as he gets out the cups, knocking his head against the cupboard.  
  
Amy chortles smoothly. “That something you’re interested in?”  
  
“That’s not going to work, Amy,” Jake claims, continuing to make cocoa even though what Amy says clearly worked.  
  
Amy sits across from Jake at one of the counter stools, a frown framing her face.  
  
“I mean, I’m not saying I’m not interested in bruising you– but it’s not like you’ll let me. Not _here_ , definitely,” he emphasizes this point, gesturing to the surveillance camera in the corner of the ceiling.  
  
It rubs Amy the wrong way seeing Jake be the voice of reason. But whatever, her coffee’s wearing off and she doesn’t have good judgement when she’s tired.  
  
“Yeah, of course not. I’ll take the hot cocoa, thank you.”  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 2248 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (POST COCOA)**  
  
After warming themselves up with hot cocoa (which Amy has to admit was really well made), Jake and Amy leave the break room and search the staff room for possible places to sleep and also rummage through the desks and drawers for any blankets or blanket substitutes.  
  
“I really hope there’s sheets in here somewhere– _someone’s_ gotta have a knitting obsession, right?”  
  
“Found one!” Amy declares, pulling out a wool quilt that looks very self-made indeed.  
  
“Really?” He rushes to where Amy stands, holding out the quilt.  
  
“Uh oh,” Amy deflates, “it’s too small.”  
  
Jake inspects the quilt himself, nodding in assent.  
  
“It’s definitely not big enough for two people, unless–“  
  
“We stick really close together. Are you okay with that?”  
  
Jake chuckles. Like he’d ever be opposed to sleeping with Amy in any way, shape, or form. Getting to hold her tight, bring her close to him as they sleep? A dream come _true_ where Jake’s concerned.  
  
He doesn’t tell her any of that, of course. Instead, Jake proceeds to get down on one knee.  
  
“Amy Santiago— will you spoon with me? Till morning do us part?”  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 2256 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (SLEEPY SLEEP TIME)**  
  
They manage to find a sofa bed in the staff room, which is extremely convenient. Do teachers ever use this bed when they get tired during the day? Never mind, there’s no time to consider that right now.  
  
“So how do we do this?” Jake asks. “I don’t want to touch you anywhere you might be uncomfortable–“  
  
“Oh, _screw that_ ,” Amy huffs as she gets on the bed. “I’m exhausted. Just get over here.”  
  
Jake does, slightly hesitantly, not touching Amy and leaving half his body exposed to the cold air.  
  
“Jake, what’s the point of sharing the blanket if you refuse to get under the covers– look, give me your arms.”  
  
Amy grabs Jake’s arms and wraps them around her. She inches back into him, and hums contentedly as she feels his warmth against her, surrounding and enveloping her body much more effectively than the quilt that drapes over their intertwined bodies.  
  
Jake’s not content, however. Jake is _dying_ , and in grave danger.  
  
You see, Amy’s conveniently placed his arms underneath her breasts. And yes, while that may be practical given the warmth they’re providing him, he doesn’t exactly see the situation as ideal.  
  
Simply speaking, having Amy pressed against him with her ass rubbing against his crotch is making him _too warm._  
  
“Uh, Amy?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Is it okay if I be little spoon instead?”  
  
“Why? Isn’t it normal for the taller person to be big spoon?”  
  
Jake gulps, searching for a valid reason. “It... makes me feel safe.”  
  
He’s not lying. Not being big spoon would make him feel a lot safer.  
  
Amy nods. “Sure, I don’t mind.”  
  
They switch, and Jake has to admit it’s a lot more freeing to be little spoon– plus it’s equally as enjoyable.  
  
After all, what about Amy’s hands around his body and her legs tangled with his (plus the feeling of her chest pressed against his back) is supposed to suck?  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 0704 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (GETTING... RESCUED)**  
  
Jake stirs to the sounds of Gina and Rosa giggling.  
  
When his eyes are fully open, he realizes that somehow during the night, Amy’s managed to sneak back around (or maybe it was him, who knows) and she now rests her head against his chest, hands wrapped tightly around him.  
  
Which Jake can’t say anything about, because his hands are wrapped just as tightly around her too. They’re _cuddling,_ in an incredibly intimate manner at that.  
  
He removes himself (very reluctantly, because holding her in his arms feels so good and he hates himself for being this in love with her) from Amy, and she falls back onto the bed without so much as a thud. Amy doesn’t stir.  
  
Which isn’t that surprising. She needs this sleep.  
  
Jake turns around and realizes that Gina and Rosa have left a note– apparently, the laughter he heard wasn’t indicative of them sticking around.  
  


* * *

  
_** Hope you crazy kids had fun dry humping ;) anyway, the door unlocks from the inside now since it’s past 5am, so get your scandalous asses out of bed because Holt’s coming soon. ** _  
  
_**         ⁃       Gina and Rosa (we left to check surveillance footage before the security dude gets to school) ** _  
  


* * *

  
Jake shakes his head in a silent chuckle at his friends’ antics.  
  
He looks back over at Amy, who’s still sound asleep.  
  
She’s not sleeping in an especially alluring or seductive manner or anything– but he still can’t help but watch her. Amy’s always ridiculously gorgeous, so sleep doesn’t ruin that in any way.  
  
He finds he appreciates the peace that’s tracing her features– it calms him to know that she’s sleeping well.  
  
But how long more can he stare at her before it gets creepy?  
  
Also, if Jake lets Amy sleep more, would Amy appreciate it or be annoyed with him should Holt arrive before she gets ready?  
  
He decides that Amy would likely prioritize punctuality and not being in trouble with Holt over sleep. Even though strictly speaking it would be better for her to go without the former– it’s not exactly about what Amy needs, it’s about what she would want.  
  
So Jake tries to wake Amy, gently shaking her by the shoulder at first. That doesn’t work– Amy’s really in a deep sleep.  
  
“Amy?” He calls out, then nearly gags when he tastes his breath. Amy shouldn’t have to smell that first thing in the morning.  
  
He quickly ventures to the desk he remembers finding breath mints at during his and Amy’s blanket hunt last night, popping a few in his mouth before heading back to where Amy still lies in slumber.  
  
“Amy?” He calls out, louder this time, without the fear of bad breath to hold him back.  
  
When she still doesn’t respond, potential headlines to plaster the cover page of newspapers fly past the forefront of his mind.  
  
_**“Gorgeous Eighteen Year Old Dies After Cuddling With Other Eighteen Year Old— Why You Should Stick To Abstinence Even Though This Isn’t A Good Example Since They Didn’t Actually Have Sex”**_  
  
_**“So You’re Thinking About Spooning: Well Think Again You Horny Bastard— You Might Just Murder A Super Hot Goddess Walking This Earth!”**_  
  
_**“Why Will The Desires Of Men Kill Us All? Amy Santiago Shall Fill You In— Oh Wait, Except She Can’t Because She’s Dead”**_  
  
Carefully, Jake lifts up Amy’s wrist and takes her pulse, immensely relieved when he confirms that she’s alive.  
  
A world without Amy Santiago walking, talking, and breathing would not be a world worth living in.  
  
“Amy, you gotta wake up, Holt’s coming soon!”  
  
She rolls over at this– but her eyes remain tightly shut.  
  
“HE’S HERE RIGHT NOW!”  
  
Her face contorts in distress, as if in the midst of a nightmare, but she still remains very much unconscious.  
  
This is when Jake starts to get desperate.  
  
Tentatively, he plants a small kiss on the back of Amy’s palm.  
  
She doesn’t stir, yet Jake can’t help but notice how she seems to smile just a little.  
  
He kisses her on the forehead now, and in response he hears her murmur. For a moment, he worries it’s dissatisfaction on her end– that she doesn’t appreciate the morning kiss. Which he understands, because it’s not cool for him to kiss her while she’s asleep since he didn’t check if that was okay beforehand.  
  
“Amy?” He calls out again, and this time she groans, cracking an eye open before rolling over in a stubborn attempt to keep sleeping.  
  
“Amy, you have to wake up soon. We can’t stay in this staff room forever.”  
  
“Why not...” she slurs dispassionately.  
  
“Holt’s coming soon. We need to wash up, drink coffee... and um, whatever else you do in the mornings.”  
  
Amy carefully opens her eyes a smidge, hating the glaring fluorescent lights of the staff room.  
  
“Five more minutes...”  
  
Jake finds this situation peculiar, when he thinks about it. Amy’s incredibly punctual, he’s always sleeping in– it’s funny how he’s now the one waking her up and she’s insisting on more sleep.  
  
“Amy– if you don’t wake up in five seconds, I’m going to kiss you. Will you wake up now?”  
  
Amy actually smirks at this— and Jake’s acutely aware of how useless the threat he issues is; he just wants an excuse to kiss Amy Santiago good morning, he supposes.  
  
“Five... four... three...”  
  
To Jake’s surprise (and initial disappointment), Amy actually sits right up during his countdown.  
  
Only to plant her lips on his, encircling him with her arms in a tight-lipped kiss (Jake suspects she worries about morning breath too).  
  
The problem is, Amy proceeds to pull Jake back down on the bed halfway through the kiss, and begins using him as a human pillow.  
  
“Seriously Amy? You tricked me!”  
  
“Mhmm,” Amy murmurs against his chest, head already burrowing into his side.  
  
“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?”  
  


* * *

  
**CAMERA SURVEILLANCE ROOM, 0716 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (WATCHING JAKE AND AMY LIVE)**  
  
Gina and Rosa watch in shock as they see Amy sit up to kiss Jake, before pulling him back down.  
  
“I can’t tell if they’re together as a couple and not telling anyone— or if they’re just _really_ stupid,” Gina carefully remarks.  
  
“Same. Also I think Jake just fell back asleep.”  
  
Gina sighs. “Let’s go wake those losers up so they don’t get their asses in trouble.”  
  


* * *

  
**STAFF ROOM (INTERIOR), 0723 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (WAKING JAKE AND AMY UP EFFECTIVELY)**  
  
An entire water bottle is emptied on Jake and Amy’s faces by Rosa whilst Gina stands next to her, laughing with her arms crossed.  
  
Jake and Amy wake up with a start, both yelping and choking to similar extents.  
  
“What the hell?” Amy exclaims as she cleans water off her face. She’s definitely awake now.  
  
“Get your asses up and go out for some breakfast– unless you wanna starve when Holt gets here,” Gina instructs with a shake of her head. She does these two a solid and what does she get in return? A complete lack of gratitude.  
  
“What’s for breakfast?” Jake asks as he swipes water away from his face.  
  
Gina rolls her eyes. “Did you not hear me? Go out– get some food, drinks, whatever– just make sure you get back here before Holt arrives for rehearsal.”  
  


* * *

  
**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 0737 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (BREAKFAST TIME WITH JAKE AND AMY)**  
  
“So... what’d’ya feel like having?” Jake asks Amy as they venture out of school, hands in pockets of fresh jeans, having washed up before they left.  
  
“You don’t have to eat whatever I eat,” Amy tells him, the underlying message being that she’s fine with them going their separate ways (she’s really not, but she’s saying this for his sake).  
  
“Nah... I don’t wanna be alone. You know any cool breakfast places?”  
  
Amy stops walking, freezing in place with a small smile perched lightly on her face.  
  
“Actually... come to think of it, there is a place I want to go to.”  
  


* * *

  
**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 0736 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (WHERE AMY WANTS TO GO)**  
  
They don’t walk for very long before Amy stops outside a quaint-looking cafe.  
  
“ _Brooklyn Nine-Nine_ ,” Jake nods, pretending to take in the place when really he’s just taking in the awe and joy on Amy’s face.  
  
“This is my favorite breakfast place– but I haven’t had it in ages.”  
  
Jake glances piteously at her. “Why not?”  
  
“It’s kind of awkward to come in here alone.”  
  
“What about your family?”  
  
“My mom cooks, so no one cares for leaving the house if they don’t need to.”  
  
Jake chuckles. “Sounds about right. What about Kylie? I know she moved, but that was last year, right?”  
  
“Kylie hates waking up before noon on the weekends,” Amy remarks in a way that suggests she’s slightly disappointed about that fact. “And there’s just... never any time I guess. I’m always studying.”  
  
Jake shakes his head. “That settles it. There’s _no way_ we aren’t eating at your favorite breakfast place after that sob story. Come here–“  
  
He slips his hand into Amy’s, pulling her along to the entrance of the cafe.  
  
“Hi, welcome to Brooklyn Nine-Nine. How may I help you?” The hostess asks with a kind smile.  
  
“Table for two,” Jake requests with an equally kind smile, still holding on to Amy’s hand for some reason.  
  
“Of course– waiting time will be about 45 minutes. If you put your number down, I’ll call you when a table opens up–“  
  
Jake and Amy exchange worried looks.  
  
“We can’t wait that long.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jake agrees. “We’re _starving.”_  
  
“No, Jake, we have to get back to school for rehearsal.”  
  
“Right, that. But also the starving thing,” he turns to Amy, “knowing that won’t hurt, right?”  
  
Amy shrugs, going with it. Jake’s holding her hand, fighting to eat at her favorite breakfast place to make her happy– _nothing could bring her down._  
  
The hostess looks at a loss. “I’m sorry, we don’t make–“  
  
“Sweetheart, get them a table! We don’t see young lovers getting breakfast this early every day!”  
  
An older looking lady, presumably the owner of the cafe, pipes up from behind the hostess.  
  
Jake and Amy nearly deny this, but one look at their interlocked fingers and they realize it’s probably wise to just go along with it.  
  
“Yes, we _are_ a young couple–“ he kisses Amy on the hand he holds–“getting a very _wholesome_ breakfast because we’re a very wholesome _couple.”_  
  
Amy leans in closer to Jake. “Please give us special treatment.”  
  
The owner laughs, shaking her head. “You two are precious– I’ll bring you to your table myself.”  
  
She grabs two menus, and Jake and Amy look at each other excitedly. _Lying worked!_  
  
“Can I ask why this place is called Brooklyn Nine-Nine?” Jake asks on the way to a private looking booth in the corner of the cafe.  
  
“Because we’re in Brooklyn,” she remarks simply, “and we serve breakfast all day. Nine to nine. Morning to Night.”  
  
“But it’s seven in the morning.”  
  
“Opening from nine to nine is our brand–“ she explains as Jake and Amy settle in their seats–“opening at _six,_ which is our official opening time, is for business, my dear.”  
  
The owner proceeds to look endearingly at Amy. “This is his first time here– from all his questions– but you... I’ve seen before.”  
  
“Of course, how could you forget someone so beautiful?” Jake pipes up with a smile, making Amy look down with a blush.  
  
The owner exhales with a gentle smile. “You know, it’s rare seeing youngsters like you stepping into a place like this.”  
  
“Well, I like to say that Amy was born in her fifties so– dating her means coming here. But this place looks great!”  
  
The owner nods. “Call the waiter if you need anything.”  
  
She departs, and once she’s out of earshot Jake looks at Amy with glee.  
  
“Can you believe this? They totally bought that– we should pretend to date more.”  
  
Amy’s still not sure how to breathe. “Yeah, they really did.”  
  
“We have to keep it up though– what do couples do on dates?”  
  
Amy snorts. “Jake, you’ve had _two_ girlfriends.”  
  
“I ‘dated’ Jenny when I was 12, Ames. Besides, Sophia and I never came to a place like this. We didn’t date long enough to do all that cute couple-y stuff.”  
  
“Right.”  
  
“So what do couples do at places like this?”  
  
“Well, for starters– they order,” Amy reminds pointedly, her stomach begging to be filled.  
  
“Right, yeah– message received.” Jake starts flipping through the menu. “Overwhelming time pressure and all.”  
  
Three pages into the menu, Jake gasps.  
  
“Amy! They have pizza bagels here!”  
  
Before Amy can react in any manner, Jake reaches across the table and plants a quick peck on her forehead.  
  
Her eyes widen as she peers at him, stunned. “What... was that for?”  
  
“For taking me to _literal heaven–_ did you not hear me? This place has pizza bagels! I can’t believe I don’t eat here every day.”  
  
Amy smiles. “I’m glad you like this place.”  
  
“Are you kidding me? I love this place– if you had told me about this sooner, you’d have gotten more kisses.”  
  
Amy’s hands shield her blushing cheeks from Jake’s twinkling eyes. He’s too good, and Amy can’t tell if he’s doing it for real or to keep their cover.  
  
“So are we ready to order now?”  
  
Amy turns to look at the waiter with a start, not knowing how long he’s been standing there. This further solidifies her theory that Jake’s doing all this for the sake of keeping up appearances.  
  
“Yes! I will be having the pizza bagels with... a side of bacon! And–“ he smiles warmly at Amy–“babe what do you want?”  
  
Amy’s breath hitches painfully but she tries not to show how affected she is by the pet name. That time– that time was definitely for that waiter’s benefit.  
  
“Uh... scrambled eggs and toast, thanks.”  
  
The waiter promptly leaves, and Amy turns to Jake.  
  
“Did you kiss me because he was there?”  
  
“Uh... no, but that was convenient for keeping our cover, right?”  
  
Amy nods, but is interrupted by Jake’s abrupt laughter.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Y’know, this place has this ‘ _super old, super country but also the classy kind of country’_ vibe but–“ he hides his face in his arms which are plopped on the table–“those two old people are playing _footsie_ under the table.”  
  
Amy quickly glances over, and lo and behold, two old people are playing footsie under the table. It’s sweet, but there’s also a humor to it tied in with the irony Jake pointed out.  
  
She starts laughing too, and they keep prodding each other to stop each other from laughing too loudly lest they get caught.  
  
“I’ll give them this– they’re in love and... I kind of want something like that. Something that’s forever.”  
  
Amy nods almost solemnly. She wants that too.  
  
“Jake...” she asks carefully. “Is this a date?”  
  
He turns to look at her, scared for some reason.  
  
“Uh... do you want it to be?”  
  
It seems patronizing, like he doesn’t actually want this to be a date, but he wants to be nice to Amy. Which Amy doesn’t want of course, because she’s not interested in his pity.  
  
“Uh, no! Of course not!” She looks down, thus failing to see Jake’s face falter in misery. “It just– it feels kinda like one, right?”  
  
“I mean, if we’re pretending to be on a date it’d be weird if it didn’t feel like a date, right?”  
  
Amy nods. “True.”  
  
“Yeah, and speaking of that, we have a cover to maintain– quick! What do couples do at places like this?”  
  
Amy smirks at what she’s about to say. “Apparently, play footsie.”  
  
Jake laughs, but quickly turns it into an opportunity to tease Amy.  
  
“Maybe we really should do that–“ he playfully slides his foot up Amy’s calf, and she quickly gets revenge by sliding her foot up his leg too. It’s a casual fight of feet and... just feet actually. They have quite a bit of fun with it.  
  
But from above the table, it starts to look strange and aggressive. So after receiving a few weird looks they force themselves to put an end to their horseplay.  
  
“Okay um, what else?”  
  
They observe couples around them.  
  
“The clingy hand holding thing seems common. Wanna give that a go?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
They hold hands, which makes things silent for a few painfully awkward seconds; the hand holding feels nice, obviously, but that’s the entire problem– it feels too nice, and they’re both stunned into a silence that’s all too stark.  
  
Thankfully, the waiter arrives with their food a moment later, saving them from themselves.  
  
“Pizza bagels with bacon and scrambled eggs with toast?”  
  
Jake and Amy heave a sigh of relief, and Jake immediately picks up the pizza bagel with his free hand once the plate sets on the table.  
  
His other hand, is still holding tightly onto Amy’s.  
  
She looks at him.  
  
“Uh, Jake? We’re still holding hands.”  
  
“I know,” he says with a grin as he takes another bite of his pizza bagel. He’s trying to get her to eat with one hand as well.  
  
“Shouldn’t we stop holding hands?”  
  
“But Amy, our cover! Aren’t we supposed to be a loving couple?”  
  
She gives up arguing with him for a second in light of her hunger, picking up a spoon and trying to scoop up her eggs but she struggles when she tries to place it on top of the toast.  
  
“Jake–“  
  
“What’s wrong, _my love?”_  
  
He says this very obnoxiously, obstinately holding onto Amy’s hand.  
  
“Unfortunately I’m not disgusting like you and can’t eat with one hand, so can you just let go?”  
  
He lets go, clutching his chest with the hand previously used to hold Amy’s hand.  
  
“And I thought you loved me, babe.”  
  
“I love food more– and we’re supposed to get back to school before Holt reaches, remember?”  
  
Jake’s eyes widen, having gotten completely carried away with having breakfast with Amy. He was having too much fun and feeling too carefree to remember the overwhelming time pressure of the situation.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN NINE-NINE, 0806 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (END OF BREAKFAST TIME)**  
  
They ask for the bill once they’ve wolfed down the last of their food, both reaching into their pockets for cash in order to pay.  
  
“And I have... zero dollars,” Jake remarks sheepishly. “Uh, can I pay you back–“  
  
“Oh, it’s fine,” Amy smiles as she foots their bill in full. “I have exact change anyway, plus I dragged you here– so my treat.”  
  
The owner walks past their table.  
  
“Why is the lady paying?” She teases, but this worries Jake for a second because people her age often hold on tightly to outdated gender roles.  
  
“That’s because... _Amy’s my sugar mommy_ ,” Jake remarks impulsively, before smirking at his own response because he just... thinks he’s so funny.  
  
“Jake!” Amy snaps in a panic, her eyes wide with fear.  
  
The owner looks very confused.  
  
“Sorry,” Jake quickly apologizes. “Don’t look that up!”  
  
Jake and Amy speedily shuffle out of their booth now, half out of embarrassment and half because they’re running late.  
  
“I don’t think I can show my face in there ever again,” Amy groans as they leave.  
  
“Just hope she doesn’t know how to use Google.”  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 0818 HOURS, DRAMA CAMP! (RETURNING FROM BREAKFAST)**  
  
“Jake and Amy are back from their date!” Charles excitedly announces as Jake and Amy rush in, panting and gasping for air.  
  
“Charles,” Jake grits in warning when he’s caught his breath. “Amy and I were just getting breakfast. It wasn’t a date, so can ya chill?”  
  
He says, in a completely un-chill manner.  
  
“I do hope the two of you were not on a date either–“ Holt pipes up, making Jake and Amy aware of his presence–“we’re already behind time as is.”  
  
Amy makes a strangled sort of noise that she tries to stifle, leaving Jake the only one privy to her fear.  
  
“Sir, we can explai–“  
  
Holt holds up his hand to stop Jake. “No need to frighten yourselves, Gina has explained the situation to me.”  
  
“I heard they were _cuddling_ each other to sleep,” some nosy freshman divulges with a pleased look.  
  
Several people start giggling at this.  
  
“It was cold! Gina turned on the air conditioner and we didn’t know how to turn the heat up,” Jake desperately appeals, mostly to Holt.  
  
“Alright everyone,” Holt deflects. “Do try not to embarrass Jake and Amy for what they did– it was out of necessity, and they were stuck in an unfortunate situation.”  
  
“Exactly!” Jake concurs in delight at Holt standing up for them, and also because Holt’s words significantly relieve Amy.  
  
“Although–“ Holt continues, throwing Jake a look–“I do hope Jake acted in a gentlemanly manner and kept his hands to himself.”  
  
“What?” Jake says, feeling betrayed. “Tell that to Santiago! Her hands and legs were all _over_ me.”  
  
“Hey!” Amy protests indignantly. “That’s only because you wanted to be _little spoon!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look okay so i've changed the rating from unrated to mature-- the reason i didn't do that before was because i have a very sheltered homelife and i was trying to evade suspicion and punishment, but since exams are over i decided its more important that i don't mislead people into reading something they might not actually want to.
> 
> that being said, HOW MANY OF YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS GOING TO BE A SEX SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER
> 
> no one? idk lmao 
> 
> anyway if ur wondering how i updated so quickly, its because i lost a wager with @johnnydora on tumblr, so u can go thank her 
> 
> also many thanks to my beta @evilqueenofgalifrey who is wonderful 
> 
> this chapter is 14.4k words long are y'all still alive
> 
> also it took me >2 hours to do a final edit of this chapter and then almost 2 hours to post this so U BEST BE GRATEFUL
> 
> jk its my fault for writing such a long chapter 
> 
> okay so recap..... uh so yeah jake basically confessed his desire to bang amy, this is largely because all his interactions with sleep-deprived amy made him bolder somehow, and also LMAO at all the characters i have to create bc i want a "four-drink amy" character without having to get <21 year old amy drunk 
> 
> also GINA AND ROSA ARE TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry i know its a brief scene and ive severely sidelined them in this fic but its HA R D okay and i think this story needs to have a focus and its distracting to keep alternating between the two sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
> 
> ANYWAY charles framed the picture of jake and amy kissing like i think one or two of you asked about his reaction and here's ur answer: he couldnt stop thinking about it all day, just went home and got out his best frame and put it on his wall along with his other important framed pictures
> 
> Forget what you know about camps where I’m from schools let clubs have camps in school so I’ve had drama camp and we mostly just play a shit ton of games it’s Lit and well I’ll just say if you think this drama camp is crazy I’ve done crazier things at camp soooo it’s just a Wild Time
> 
> ALSO once again sorry to all the mean things said to the band it’s in the drama club’s biased and hateful view I have never hated the band in my life I love the band they never did anything wrong but... they happen to be the drama club’s nemesis so be prepared to hear many mean untrue things about Band people
> 
> pls keep loving this fic and i really hope y'all liked this chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that my beta didnt oversell how good it was


	13. how can we fight when i'm too busy loving you

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1540 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
“Gather round, everyone,” Holt announces as he arrives, holding up a few documents. “I’ve just received the letter denoting the rules and audition task requirements for this year’s youth arts presentation festival– drama category.”  
  
Everyone drops everything they’re doing and crowds in front of Holt immediately. The annual youth arts presentation festival is a big deal– schools from all over New York take part, and achieving a _Gold_ status is what every drama club wants. Even more than that, achieving _Gold– First Honors_ is something drama clubs all over the five boroughs covet year after year.  
  
But of course, only one school can be awarded _Gold– First Honors_. It’s basically first place. One drama club to rule them all.  
  
And has Brooklyn Academy High School ever attained this highly revered award?  
  
Yes, they have!  
  
Just the year before, actually. Unfortunately, the only club members who can tell you anything about it are Jake and Amy. All the other club representatives that participated have since graduated.  
  
But... that’s not exactly a cause for concern. Jake and Amy were clearly the more talented two out of all the performers that represented their school last year.  
  
And this isn’t a biased opinion either— the judges literally stated in their comments (sent to all respective schools after the conclusion of the festival– which is really a competition when you think about it, so let’s just call it that) that they enjoyed the characters played by Jake and Amy the most.  
  
So what’s the structure of the competition? What are the rules? What are the tasks at hand?  
  
The competition only has two rounds. An audition, as well as a final (in which only the top competitors are called back). The final is mostly meant to determine which school is most deserving of _Gold– First Honors_ that year. Basically, anyone that qualifies for the final is already guaranteed a _Gold_ status; but that’s not all this drama club aims for.  
  
The rules and task requirements of the competition are subject to change. In that they _literally_ change every year. Even the rules and task requirements of the final round are always different from that of the audition. This constantly evolving aspect of the competition is what keeps everyone on their toes, and also what unnerves some people.  
  
As for the number of participants allowed to compete from each school, that tends to change from year to year as well— the number could range from one competitor per school to an unlimited amount.  
  
In Jake and Amy’s junior year, each school was asked to send in five competitors– no more, no less. Last year’s team comprised of three seniors and two juniors– Jake and Amy, obviously.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1541 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (END OF UNNECESSARY EXPOSITION SORRY BABY SHH SHH THE PAIN IS OVER KINDA)**  
  
“So what do we got this year?” Jake asks, fidgeting in place, brimming with excitement.  
  
Holt opens the neatly folded documents– not having read anything as of yet.  
  
“How many people do they want?” Charles asks excitedly. “Six, sixteen? _A thousand?”_  
  
Gina and Rosa are mostly disinterested. This isn’t their area of expertise. They’re training the ensemble for an upcoming dance squad competition. Which... is apparently allowed since their school doesn’t have a dance squad.  
  
Oh wait, _they do?_ Well. This is awkward.  
  
Holt inhales deeply as he scans the rules and task requirements. No one can tell anything from his unchanging face.  
  
“This year... requires two participants.”  
  
Some people heave a sigh of relief, whilst some deflate in disappointment. Only two competitors being necessary means that everyone’s chances of being picked to compete are narrowed– a tragedy for some and a reassurance for others.  
  
“Are there any strong objections if I choose Jake and Amy to represent the club?” Holt asks, and no one can argue because they’re the best of them all, the most experienced, and they’re the only two people in the club who have any experience at all taking part in the competition.  
  
“Of course not,” Charles effuses cheerfully. “They’re America’s dream couple– I mean, uh, _team_.”  
  
“Hell yeah we are!” Jake choruses, “ _the team stuff not the couple stuff_ ,” he quickly adds, raising his hand up for Amy to high five. She does so with rapt enthusiasm.  
  
“I see the two of you are getting along rather well as of recent,” Holt remarks with a slight nod. “It relieves me to see that you have resolved your differences and overcome this _frivolous_ rivalry.”  
  
“Yeah, too busy _sucking face_ to hate each other,” Gina adds crudely, tickling everyone in the club.  
  
“Everyone, enough– Jake and Amy have made great leaps in their maturity as actors. I find myself very impressed with the way they accepted ‘face sucking’ scenes in this year’s script.” He very briefly regards them with a glance. “Frankly, I thought they would have _protested_ against the scene.”  
  
“Wait–“ Jake interrupts–“we could’ve said no to that?”  
  
Holt gives him a look. “Of course– neither Jeffords nor myself was ever going to pressure the two of you into this. Did you think otherwise?”  
  
“Uh, yeah! Damn so– we could’ve _never_ had to kiss?”  
  
“Are you having reservations, Peralta?”  
  
Jake quickly shakes his head. “Uh, no! I mean, it’s too late now. No point in backing out of something we’ve already done.”  
  
Holt continues talking then, but Jake barely listens because he’s left to think about how greatly different things could be had Jake and Amy known about the choice they had to refuse the kiss scene.  
  
Maybe... they would still be enemies. Maybe they would still occasionally grumble about having to work with the other. Maybe they would be going to prom with other people.  
  
And most of all— maybe Jake wouldn’t be as _pathetically_ in love with Amy as he is.  
  
He doesn’t know whether to be filled with regret or fear. Not being in love with Amy feels insane to him, but the deeper he falls, the crazier he gets.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1553 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
After Holt dismisses everyone to continue with whatever task they had at hand, he calls Jake and Amy aside to explain the task requirements of the audition round to them.  
  
“There’s a script this year,” Holt informs as he hands them both the script. “It’s about the five stages in life as experienced by two people. The challenge here is to be able to convincingly portray people of different age groups. The both of you will have to act as children, teenagers, young adults, middle-aged people, as well as the elderly.”  
  
“I don’t think acting as an old person will be a challenge for Amy–“ Jake ribs playfully, earning him a scowl from Amy.  
  
“And I don’t think Jake will face any difficulty acting as a _literal child_ ,” she seethes with gritted teeth.  
  
Holt can’t believe he just praised them not too long ago for putting aside immature differences.  
  
“Are the two of you finished?”  
  
This gets Jake and Amy falling silent and focusing their attention on Holt, nodding obediently.  
  
“I have not perused the script, but as indicated on the list of instructions, there are a few locations you should familiarize yourselves with. Should the need arise, the two of you are allowed to leave the school compound.”  
  
Jake gasps as he looks at the list of instructions. “Amy, there’s a playground listed on here!”  
  


* * *

  
**PLAYGROUND, 1600 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Obviously, given the permission to leave school grounds entirely, Jake and Amy take the opportunity without question.  
  
“I used to play at this playground all the time as a kid,” Jake shares as he hops onto one of the swings, swinging back and forth immediately.  
  
“Me too,” Amy looks around nostalgically. “I remember having a friend when I was really young– wait, I don’t actually remember. My mom just told me there was this kid I always played with. He had an obsession with Captain Crunch–“  
  
“I think you mean _Cap’n Crunch_ –“ Jake corrects–“no biggie, he was just the primary male role model of my house growing up.”  
  
Amy snorts. “Fine, Cap’n Crunch. My mom said his hair was shaggy and filled with leaves, because we kept diving into huge piles of leaves during fall. And he had light-up shoes that I was jealous of–“  
  
Jake stops swinging, his eyes widening in realization suddenly.  
  
“Wait– did this boy also have two missing front teeth?”  
  
“Oh yeah! My mom told me that–“  
  
“Oh my god, are you overalls and pigtails girl?” Jake gets off the swing now. “Amy, this is important– did you or _did you not_ wear overalls and pigtails as a young kid?”  
  
Amy falls silent in realization. “I did... Jake, does this mean– we were _friends_ as kids?”  
  
Very young kids. Jake and Amy were practically besties at the age of three and four– but then Jake’s mother stopped taking him to the playground as often due to conflicts in her marriage, whereas Amy’s mother had twins and got too busy.  
  
“I think so, yeah. My mom said she still feels bad for stopping my playground visits. Apparently super young me was in love with you or something,” he shrugs with a laugh.  
  
_Times have not changed._  
  
Amy chuckles. “And then a few years went by and we met again in elementary school drama. Where we became each other’s worst enemy.”  
  
“Funny how things work out, huh? I can’t believe we didn’t recognize each other.”  
  
“We were too young to remember anything at that age– I only feel stupid for just figuring this out now.”  
  
“To be fair,” Jake points out, “we did spend a majority of the time we’ve known each other hating the other’s guts— pretty hard to play ‘get to know you’ games, right?”  
  
Amy settles on the far end of a slide. “True. Do you think we would’ve stayed friends if our moms kept taking us to the playground? What if we never became enemies?”  
  
“Doesn’t matter I guess. We’re friends now! And we had a cool rivalry that most people will never get– _how dope is that?”_  
  
Amy fails to stifle a chortle. “Jake we were horrid to each other back then– but I guess you’re right. We’re friends now, and in a way... having a competitor in drama back then made theater more fun. Speaking of which– we have a competition to win, so we should start reading this script.”  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1803 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
After going through the script, Jake and Amy rehearse for a bit but quickly get distracted by the playground, nostalgia forcing them to engage with their childish desires. When they’re all tuckered out, Jake and Amy return to the theater.  
  
“Oh good, you’re back,” Gina heaves when she spots Jake and Amy walking in, both with no less than five leaves in their hair.  
  
“What’s going on?” Jake asks.  
  
“Everyone’s costumes are here, so we need to try them out. The two of you have more than one costume each so that’s going to take a while. The official photoshoot’s in a few days.”  
  
Jake groans. “Please don’t tell me _Teddy’s_ going to be there.”  
  
“Yeah...” Gina awkwardly smiles in an uncomfortable manner. “He actually requested to be the main photographer, and since he’s the president of the photography club saying no would mean no photoshoot.”  
  
Jake and Amy show strong reactions in objection to this.  
  
“What? Come on!”  
  
“Is there no other way?”  
  
“Getting a different photographer would mean paying _money_ , and apparently that’s a no-no because our school is hella broke.”  
  
“Why would Teddy even want to take photos for the drama club after what happened last time?”  
  
“I dunno,” Rosa shrugs. “Maybe this is part of his revenge. From when he threatened Jake a few weeks back?”  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1826 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
Jake and Amy finish trying on all their costumes, all of which fit perfectly, because Gina Linetti is a freaking legend whose talents include accurate measurements for clothing size.  
  
“Uh, Jake?” Gina calls out nervously when Jake and Amy return from the changing rooms.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“I think... I just found out what Teddy’s revenge against you is.”  
  
Gina produces a shoddily taken picture on her phone, and Jake and Amy are shocked by what they see.  
  
“Teddy’s dating _Jenny Gildenhorn?”_  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1827 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**  
  
“I can’t believe Teddy would do something like that...” Amy trails in a fragile tone. She truly can’t comprehend why Teddy thought it would be a good idea to dump his current girlfriend to date _Jenny Gildenhorn,_ of all people. “Jake, I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Why would you be sorry? I mean, fine, the fact that Jenny dumped me for Eddie Fung and then dumped _him_ for a loser slash jerk like Teddy– _that_ I hate. I mean? That’s basically saying I’m worse than Teddy!”  
  
“Jake, don’t say that. You were a loser when you were thirteen!”  
  
Jake rolls his eyes. “Thanks for that Gina, I feel _so_ much better now.”  
  
“Anytime, girl.”  
  
“I think what Gina means is that... if you tried to pursue Jenny Gildenhorn _now_ , she’d-she’d pick you over Teddy,” Amy explains almost reluctantly.  
  
“No,” Jake shakes his head profusely. “I’m not doing that– Jenny broke my heart and _humiliated_ me at my bar mitzvah.”  
  
“We _know,_ Jake,” Gina sighs, in the way only someone who has heard the same story a million times before can. “We were all there.”  
  
“Hey! I wasn’t there!” Charles pipes up angrily as he approaches them, carrying some prop related stuff. “What’s going on?”  
  


* * *

  
**JAKE’S BAR MITZVAH, ???? HOURS, JAKE GETTING DUMPED BY JENNY! (FIVE YEARS AGO)**  
  
Jake watches on, heartbroken as his (now ex) girlfriend Jenny Gildenhorn slow-dances with Eddie Fung in the center of the dance floor.  
  
That was supposed to be _his_ slow dance. He fights back tears, too heartbroken to move and he’s forced to stand there and watch everyone have fun while he suffers.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1830 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (PRESENT DAY)**  
  
“I started taking tap lessons to really _wow_ Jenny on the dance floor, and I didn’t even get to put my skills to good use,” Jake laments piteously.  
  
“Why were you taking _tap lessons_ if you wanted to _slow dance_ with Jenny Gildenhorn?”  
  
“We were going to _grind_ , Amy. I have no idea why she was slow dancing with Eddie Fung, he probably doesn’t even know how to grind. Also yes, I see the flaw in my plan now– _is that why she dumped me?!”_  
  
“Once again, Jake,” Gina sighs. “ _No.”_  
  
“Whatever, tap ended up being fun anyway and I took it for three more years after breaking up with Jenny.”  
  
“ _Getting dumped,_ ” Rosa corrects with a smirk.  
  
Amy sighs then. “I still can’t believe I never found out you took _tap lessons.”_  
  
“Well... I actually took more than just tap.”  
  
“What?” Amy’s eyes widen to the size of saucers.  
  
“I... dabbled in a bit of ballroom. Maybe also salsa. _And the tango_ ,” his voice thins as he confesses to all this.  
  
“Is that all?” Amy asks.  
  
“Yes. That is everything. I took up _no other_ form of dance,” Jake says very quickly, very obviously lying.  
  
Rosa coughs pointedly. “ _He took ballet,_ ” she says, her words nearly obscured by the cough.  
  
“YOU TOOK BALLET?!” Amy exclaims.  
  
“IT WAS JUST FOR A YEAR!”  
  
“YOU TOOK BALLET FOR _A YEAR?”_  
  
Amy’s mind is bristling with this knowledge.  
  
“How did I never find out about this?” She turns to Rosa. “How did you know?”  
  
“We were in the same class, duh.”  
  
“Is that how you met?” Amy asks curiously.  
  
“No. Jake took ballet junior year–“  
  
“JUNIOR YEAR?!”  
  
Jake deflates in regret. Amy’s never going to let this one go.  
  
“How do you think he got strong enough to carry you?”  
  
“Uh, I don’t know, by going to the gym?”  
  
Everyone breaks out in gut-wrenching laughter.  
  
“Oh come on!” Jake, who did not laugh, protests. “Is it that unbelievable?”  
  
“Jake, you _tried_ going to the gym and then passed out after twenty minutes,” Rosa reminds. “Terry nearly had to call for an ambulance that day.”  
  
Amy chuckles a little at that. “Do you have a picture? Did he get those pointy shoes? Did he get a _tutu?”_  
  
“I’ll show you a picture, but it’ll cost you.”  
  
“I’ll pay _anything–_ “  
  
“Okay that’s enough!” Jake interjects. “I’m starting to get _slightly_ turned on that you’re willing to pay actual money to see me in a tutu, and we’re deviating from the issue!”  
  
“What issue?”  
  
“My sad backstory of how I got dumped!” Jake whines offendedly.  
  
“You got dumped. Wasn’t that the end?”  
  
“Actually...” Gina recalls. “Didn’t Amy’s mom force her to dance with Jake?”  
  
Amy sighs. “Ugh, that was a disaster. We just held each other awkwardly and barely moved at all.”  
  
“And because I was so heartbroken I couldn’t tell how bad of a dancer Amy was.”  
  
Amy hits Jake on the shoulder.  
  
“Ow! It was true! _And still kind of is,_ ” he mutters under his breath, fearing further retaliation from Amy.  
  
She still manages to hear this dig, and gasps. “You told me I was getting better!”  
  
“ _Getting better–_ doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good.”  
  
“Whatever.” Amy’s face scrunches up pettily. “I didn’t want to dance with you back then– I didn’t even want to _go_ for your bar mitzvah.”  
  
“Wait–“ Charles interjects–“why was _Amy_ invited? Were you already secretly in love with her back then?”  
  
“God, Charles _no!_ Can ya chill? My mom forced me to invite everyone from the drama club, and that included Amy. I don’t know why she brought her mom.”  
  
Amy exhales drearily at the memory. “She insisted on coming because the invitation said I could have a plus one. None of my brothers were home that day so she was too lazy to cook, and wanted free food, basically.”  
  


* * *

  
**JAKE’S BAR MITZVAH, ???? HOURS, AMY BEING FORCED TO DANCE WITH JAKE (FIVE YEARS AGO)**  
  
“Sweetie, you will not believe what I just saw–“ Camila remarks in concern as she settles back at their table. Amy still seethes uncomfortably in her weirdly hot blue dress with a huge bow at the back. She’s been told it’s due to the material of the dress being a plastic-cotton blend, but either way she hates it. Just like she _hates_ this party, just like she hates Jake Peralta.  
  
“What?” Amy huffs rather rudely. She’s still angry that her mom made her come.  
  
This anger goes ignored by her mother.  
  
“You remember who the birthday boy is? His name?” Camila asks, racking her brain and failing to recall Jake’s name.  
  
“The _birthday boy_ is Jake Peralta.”  
  
“Oh! Sorry dear. You know how I keep forgetting your friends’ names. Just like all your brothers’ friends. I can’t match names with faces that well, it’s my one flaw.”  
  
“Mom, Jake’s not my _friend_ , he’s my enemy!”  
  
Camila crosses her arms in confusion at this. “If he’s not your friend, why were you invited to his birthday party?”  
  
“I don’t know, and I don’t care– Jake’s the _worst_ , Mom!”  
  
“But he just got his poor heart broken!”  
  
“Huh?” Amy sits up in attention. “By whom?”  
  
“His girlfriend, I think. I saw everything– she said ‘I like Eddie Fung now’ and just left him standing there. He’s absolutely distraught.”  
  
“Jenny dumped Jake?” Amy’s eyes search the crowd immediately, and true to her mother’s words, Jake’s curled up next to a buffet table, looking more vulnerable than she’s ever seen him.  
  
She feels a note of pity. Just a little.  
  
“Yes dear. He’s now upset because he’s got no one to dance with. You should dance with him.”  
  
“What?” Amy shakes her head vigorously. “Mom, no way! He hates me! And more importantly, _I_ hate _him!”_  
  
“But it’s his birthday. What have I always told you and your brothers? We should be kind to those who are suffering.”  
  
“The suffering means _the poor_ , Mom– Jake’s not poor, so I’m not dancing with him.”  
  
“If you don’t dance with him, no pierogis for you for a month!”  
  
Amy gasps in horror. She concedes and proceeds to make her way to a weeping Jake without another word, whilst her mother basks in victory.  
  
“Hey,” she nervously calls, standing two feet or so away from Jake. His head is in between his knees now, and Amy’s compassionate side can’t help but feel even more bad for him, despite how much she generally hates Jake’s guts.  
  
He looks up, face a mess of tears and mucus. He almost looks embarrassed, but then his eyes narrow in anger.  
  
“What are _you_ doing here?”  
  
Any pity Amy felt before immediately flushes out and she’s filled with intense hatred again.  
  
“You invited _me,_ Jake.”  
  
“Yeah, cuz’ my mom made me. I didn’t think you’d come. I _hoped_ you wouldn’t come.”  
  
Amy bites her lip in anger. “Well, I didn’t want to come either! My mom made me too, and she made me come here to dance with you because you’re crying at your own birthday party _like a three year old.”_  
  
Jake’s entire face falls and Amy feels like she’s gone too far in her anger.  
  
“I’m sorry–“  
  
“God, can’t you just leave me alone? If you want to be the worst, go someplace else!”  
  
“Fine, I will!”  
  
Amy storms off then, feeling a strange mix of emotions. She’s mad at Jake, but she also feels bad for being mean to him. But strange mixes of emotions are common in her experiences with Jake. She often wants to strangle him, but secretly she thinks he’s a fun person, but she’s also jealous of him when Holt praises Jake instead of her, and she also wants to be better at acting than him.  
  
Feeling guilt in interacting with Jake is something new, but she doesn’t mull over it.  
  
“What happened?” Her mother asks as Amy sits back down, crossing her arms in a huff.  
  
“He told me to go away.”  
  
“Oh dear, I’m so sorry. Perhaps he is a horrid boy after all.”  
  
For a moment, Amy nearly defends Jake, but to defend him would be to go against her entire being.  
  
“Yes,” she agrees with her mother instead. “ _He’s terrible.”_  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1838 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (PRESENT DAY)**  
  
“Wait–“ Charles interrupts, very immersed in the story. Gina and Rosa rest in nearby audience seats, already much too familiar with the sequence of events, and also sorting out issues regarding the photoshoot. Rosa’s arm is around Gina’s shoulder, but no one notices this.  
  
“If Jake told Amy to go away, how did the two of you end up slow dancing?”  
  
“How does anything happen ever? My mom forced me to apologize to Amy and dance with her.”  
  


* * *

  
**JAKE’S BAR MITZVAH, ???? HOURS, JAKE GETTING SCOLDED BY KAREN (FIVE YEARS AGO)**  
  
“Jake, did I just see you being horribly rude to our guest?” Karen crosses her arms as she looks pointedly at Jake.  
  
“Mom, Amy’s my enemy! I still can’t believe you made me invite her, and she was being mean to me like she always is!” Jake wipes his face, and Karen sighs as she begins to clean her son’s face and hands with tissue.  
  
“I believe– she was offering to _dance_ with you, Jake. It’s rude to turn others down when they’re being nice to us.”  
  
“But Mom, she’s not trying to be nice! Her mom made her talk to me, we hate each other!”  
  
“If her mother forced her to dance with you, then I’m going to do the same thing. Go dance with her, Jake. And tell her you’re _sorry_ for chasing her away.”  
  
“But Mom– I just got dumped. Everything _hurts_.”  
  
Karen holds his hand sympathetically. “I know, sweetie. And that Jenny is horrible for doing that to you. Which is why you should dance with Amy, take your mind off things. Gina already said she’s getting revenge on Jenny for you, right? Everything will be fine.”  
  
“But I don’t want to dance with Amy, I want to dance with Jenny! I love her!”  
  
“No you don’t, Jake. I promise you, this was just a crush, and once you realize how horrible that girl is you’ll get over her. Love is something else all together, and I promise you’ll find someone more worthy of loving when you’re older.”  
  
“Does real love feel worse than this?” Jake asks hesitantly. “Then I don’t want to fall in love, Mom– _I’m scared.”_  
  
“Oh my dear–“ Karen pulls her son into a hug–“unfortunately that’s something none of us can decide. Maybe you’ll fall in love, maybe you won’t. But know this– you’ll always be my precious boy, and I will always love you.”  
  
Jake smiles sincerely, the weight of his failed relationship falling off his shoulders.  
  
“I love you too, Mom,” he hums as Karen gives him a kiss on top of his head.  
  
“Now go be a good boy and dance with Amy.”  
  
Jake groans. “I still have to? I thought you loved me!”  
  
“I’m doing this for your own good, Jake– who knows, maybe someday you’ll marry her.”  
  
“Ew!” Jake makes a face. “Don’t say that, Mom! I would never marry Amy, she’s the _worst!”_  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1846 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (PRESENT DAY)**  
  
“Ugh,” Gina grimaces. “I can’t believe you thought you _loved_ Jenny Gildenhorn. I mean– _Jenny Gildenhorn?_ Really Jake?”  
  
“Weren’t you the reason Jake and Jenny started dating?” Amy asks, referring to how Gina told Jake that Jenny told her she liked him as a prank, only for Jenny to decide she liked Jake and to date him for two months, dumping him on his birthday.  
  
“Come on, Amy, let’s not play the blame game here.”  
  
“And besides, my mom was right– I got over Jenny!”  
  
Gina snorts. “Yeah, after _two years_ of crying over her and hating Eddie Fung.”  
  
“Point is! I got over her!” Jake emphasizes with a shaky confidence. “Because like my mom said, I didn’t love Jenny.”  
  
“Yeah, you were just _crazy_ obsessed with her,” Rosa tacks on without a care, her words digging deeper into Jake’s damaged ego.  
  
“Can the two of you please stop embarrassing me like this?”  
  
“Fine–“ Gina relents, “if Jenny wasn’t love, then are you saying you now know what love is?”  
  
“Uh,” Jake hesitates. “Maybe, a little, yeah.”  
  
Gina, Rosa, and Charles all exchange knowing grins.  
  
“So who turned your world upside down, Jakey?” Gina drawls on. “Who hung the stars that _burn_ in our night sky?”  
  
Jake scratches the back of his neck.  
  
“I mean, obviously it’s Sophia, right? She’s the only girl Jake ever dated after Jenny,” Amy suggests, drawing the wrong conclusion.  
  
“Except for the fact that she stomped all over my heart too and then proceeded to leave the city,” Jake clears his throat. “So yeah, I’m not so sure about Sophia either.”  
  
“Guess you haven’t been in love after all,” Gina drags patronizingly.  
  
“Yup. Have _no idea_ what it feels like to be in love. Not at all. This guy here?” he brags, pointing both thumbs at himself–“ _flies solo._ ”  
  
“Must be great,” Charles sighs. “I fall in love every three weeks.”  
  


* * *

  
**JAKE’S BAR MITZVAH, ???? HOURS, ASKING AMY TO DANCE (FIVE YEARS AGO)**  
  
Karen ignores Jake and walks away, leaving Jake no choice but to walk to Amy’s table. She’s sullen and angry, probably upset over a math problem.  
  
Okay fine, she’s probably not thinking about a math problem, Jake’s still a little pissed at her for calling him a three year old, so he makes petty mental jabs about the fact that she’s a nerd.  
  
“Hey Amy, are you busy?” He asks as casually as he can, trying to act like they’re not enemies with burning hatreds for each other.  
  
“Yes, I’m thinking about a math problem. _Please go away_ ,” she says, staring straight ahead.  
  
Jake takes the seat next to Amy, surprised about being right.  
  
“Look, I know I told you to go away, but now my mom’s making me dance with you. So can we just dance like our moms are forcing us to?”  
  
Amy regards Jake calculatingly. “Fine. I’ll dance with you... but only if you say you’re sorry.”  
  
“What?” Jake frowns, his brows furrowing. “Hey, if anyone should say sorry, _it’s you!”_  
  
“You were mean to me first, so I’ll only say sorry after _you_ apologize.”  
  
“How was I mean to you first? You started it by coming to my birthday party!”  
  
Amy scowls, crossing her arms and getting up to storm off.  
  
“Fine, fine– _I’m sorry_ , are you happy now?”  
  
“Nope! Not good enough.”  
  
“What do you want from me?” Jake asks with his arms outstretched.  
  
Amy smiles slyly. “I want you to go up on stage, take the microphone and tell everyone that you’re a huge jerk who was mean to me, and that you’re sorry for that.”  
  
“What? No! Never!”  
  
Amy places her hands on her hips and smirks, already looking victorious. “If you don’t do that, I’m telling your mom you were mean to me.”  
  
Jake gasps. “ _Don’t you dare!”_  
  
“So are you doing it?”  
  
Jake ponders over this, weighing his options. “What if I told your mom you were mean to me too?”  
  
“Not gonna work, because I already told her what you said to me and she thinks you’re a jerk too. Because you’re a _jerk.”_  
  
Jake grunts in defeat. “Fine! I’ll do it.”  
  
A wide grin spreads across Amy’s face. “One more thing– you have to say that I’m the best actor in drama club– better than _you,_ specifically.”  
  
“I’m not saying that! First of all, it’s completely untrue–“  
  
Amy cups her hands around her lips. “MRS PERAL–“  
  
“FINE!” Jake grabs Amy’s arm, pulling her to face him. “I’ll say it.”  
  
Amy claps her hands in excitement, and despite the annoying reasons behind her happiness, Jake gets hit by a surge of emotion.  
  
It passes quickly, but in that brief moment, Jake actually found Amy _cute._  
  
Quickly, he’s disgusted and brushes off all thoughts regarding the matter, repressing any feelings that have anything to do with Amy.  
  
Amy proceeds to push him, rushing him towards the stage.  
  
“Hey,” he greets the DJ. “Can I borrow the microphone? Never mind, you probably don’t wanna give it to me, it’s–“  
  
“You’re the birthday boy,” the DJ kindly hands the microphone over, which confuses Jake, setting up unrealistic expectations for how all his future interactions with DJs will go. “Have anything you want.”  
  
Amy bites her lip to stop herself from laughing at Jake’s failure to get himself out of this.  
  
“Do I really have to do this?” Jake appeals to Amy as a last-ditch attempt to save his skin.  
  
“Yes.” She affirms. “Your mom’s just _five feet_ away, Jake.”  
  
With a sigh, Jake begins to speak.  
  
“Hi, I’m Jake Peralta–“  
  
He wants to get it over and done with quickly, but then Gina (who’s taking extra pity on him than usual out of guilt for his heartbreak) decides to cheer and hype the crowd up. Soon, everyone’s hooting and hollering for him.  
  
For some strange reason, he’s compelled to look at Amy who’s greatly enjoying the excessive attention he’s getting. Why her reaction is important to him despite the huge embarrassment she’s forcing him to go through is beyond him.  
  
“Uh... yes. Thank you. I would just like to say– thank you all for being here on this _blessed_ day. It’s been a great one, and...”  
  
Amy gives him a pointed look to remind him to stop stalling, before glancing in the direction of Jake’s mother menacingly.  
  
“Amy Santiago is here today. And. I’m going to dance with her! Because she’s just so charmed by me– Ow!” Apparently, Amy isn’t having any of this and shows it by pinching Jake’s arm. “Fine! Okay, and I’m also supposed to apologize for being unkind–“ another pinch. “A JERK to her earlier, and that... she’s the best actress in drama club.”  
  
Another pointed look.  
  
“Fine, best _actor_ , better than me– are you happy now?” He asks Amy, his lips too close to the microphone which results in a high pitched screech in the sound system.  
  
“Damn it, Jake!” Gina scolds from the audience, obviously no longer feeling so sorry for him.  
  
“Sorry!” Jake yells, lips far away from the microphone now.  
  
“Jake, I forgive you– can we get off the stage now? Everyone’s starting to get mad at us.”  
  
They rush off the stage and congregate at the corner of the dance floor, the reality of their situation soon dawning on them.  
  
“I believe... I owe you a slow dance,” Amy sighs in dread.  
  
“Yeah, but more importantly– I think you owe me an apology too.”  
  
Amy looks away. “Fine, I’m sorry too. Can we get this over with now?”  
  
Jake huffs in an insufferable manner. “Trust me, this is going to hurt _me_ more than it’ll hurt _you.”_  
  
“Whatever,” Amy proceeds to put her arms around Jake’s neck.  
  
Which Jake is prepared for, because he knows how slow dancing works– what he’s _not_ prepared for is how numb his insides get.  
  
Maybe he’s not used to being touched around the neck. Jake definitely doesn’t entertain the idea that he might like having Amy’s hands around him.  
  
“Jake, aren’t your hands supposed to be around my waist?”  
  
Jake quickly obliges, teasing Amy as he does (despite being the one who was so affected by her touch that he forgot an integral part of slow dancing). “Someone’s impatient.”  
  
“Shut up, I just don’t wanna look weird with my hands around your neck. Remember, once this song ends, I’m leaving.”  
  
“Ditto. This is already hell.”  
  
Amy’s face seems to falter, and Jake feels guilty for being unnecessarily cruel.  
  
“Okay fine, I’ll say this– you look... _not gross_ in this dress.”  
  
Amy snorts. “Not gross?”  
  
“You heard me. Also no telling anyone what I said.”  
  
Amy rolls her eyes. “Because you thinking I’m ‘not gross’ is scandalous.”  
  
“I have a _reputation_ , Amy.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s what you think.”  
  
“I take everything back,” Jake exaggerates in a spiteful voice, that gets Amy to smile unwittingly. “You look horrible. _Head to toe_. Okay, maybe except for the hair,” he observes. “You should wear it like that more.”  
  
“You’re weird,” Amy remarks, her cheeks feeling warm. She blames it on the dress. Not Jake, obviously.  
  
“So are you.”  
  
“Good. Because this dance shouldn’t change anything.”  
  
“Of course,” Amy agrees. “I still hate you.”  
  
“I hate you too.”  
  
The song ends then, and Jake and Amy let go of each other.  
  
“Um... thanks for dancing with me I guess.”  
  
Amy cards her fingers through her hair.  
  
“You’re welcome. See you at school.”  
  
She walks away, and Jake moves away from the dance floor too, feeling hungry now and in need of a snack.  
  
“Had fun?” His mother asks, sneaking up behind him.  
  
“Nope,” Jake ~~lies~~ _tells the truth._ “As I said, she’s the worst.”  
  
“But you forgot all about Jenny, didn’t you? You’re filling your plate up too happily to be sad.”  
  
Jake goes silent at that. His mother’s exactly right.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1850 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (PRESENT DAY)**  
  
“Um, you guys?” Gina voices out. “Teddy’s... not the only photographer that’s going to be at the photoshoot.”  
  
“Oh thank god,” Jake exhales, nodding in relief. “Who’s the other photographer?”  
  
“Sweetie, you’re not going to like this– the... the other photographer is _Eddie Fung.”_  
  


* * *

  
**A.V. ROOM, 1547 HOURS, OFFICIAL PHOTOSHOOT (GINA DOING JAKE’S MAKEUP!)**  
  
“I still don’t get why Eddie Fung would be okay with doing this,” Jake remarks as Gina puts the finishing touches to his makeup. “I mean, Teddy brought Jenny– obviously to spite me, so shouldn’t this be really painful for Eddie? Since Jenny left him for Teddy and all.”  
  
“No idea bud– but then Teddy is the president of the photography club, so Fung _kinda_ has no choice but to do whatever he says.”  
  
Jake sighs. “But that still doesn’t explain why Jenny Gildenhorn left Eddie Fung for _Teddy.”_  
  
Gina shrugs once more. “I think you’re seeing Eddie Fung as a way bigger stud than he actually is, Jake. I heard she’s the laughing stock of the cheer squad now because she dumped you for Eddie.”  
  
Jake shifts in interest, causing Gina to tut in annoyance. “Damn it, Jake! Now I have to redo that.”  
  
“Sorry. But why would Jenny dumping me for Eddie make her the laughing stock?”  
  
Gina rolls her eyes. _She can’t believe this kid._ “Did you not know? The cheer squad kind of has a group crush on you. Why do you think all of them came to our annual production last year? A _sudden_ interest in the Arts?”  
  
“What the hell is a group crush?” Jake asks incredulously. “And exactly _how hot_ did I get junior year?”  
  
“You glo’d up, hun. Proud of you for that. And like... after you won that _Gold– First Honors_ thing, plus the growth spurt and the getting semi-fit jazz, everyone went cray-cray. What can I say, people have low expectations for men.”  
  
“Okay fine I get most of that– but I didn’t win the youth arts presentation all by myself, there was Amy and the other seniors.”  
  
“Who have since graduated. Plus all of them were losers, anyway. As for Amy– she’s always been the same level of attractive, and as disgusting as it feels to say, men don’t generally get attracted to women for their success. The patriarchy is disgusting.”  
  
“Yeah, Amy’s been beautiful all her life. She’s already used to being super gorgeous,” Jake deviates dreamily, sighing as he stares off into space.  
  
Of which Gina is having _none_ of.  
  
“Man, could you cool it just a _little?_ God, you’re an embarrassment.”  
  
“Sorry.” Jake shakes his head rapidly to get him back on track. “Uh, yeah.” He gestures at Gina, recalling her point. “The patriarchy sucks. We should like, tear it down and stuff.”  
  
“Anyway,” Gina continues with a disapproving shake of her head. “Point is, maybe Jenny didn’t leave Eddie for Teddy because Teddy was such great boyfriend material— maybe, she’s trying to make you jealous. Get you back. I mean, if she starts dating you, she’s automatically queen bee in the cheer squad. Not that that means anything of course. The cheerleaders are as useless as our football team.”  
  
Jake scratches his head in confusion. “But I don’t get it, why date Teddy to get my attention?”  
  
“Sweetie, you’re _super open_ about how much you hate him. Okay, maybe not that open, but the cheer squad’s like super obsessed with you, or using you. But yeah, they keep tabs on a lot of things you say.”  
  
“That kinda scares me.” Jake frowns, thinking back to all the dumb stuff he’s said in school. “And also turns me on a little. But mostly it scares me.”  
  
“Don’t let it get to your head, champ. They’re objectifying you. You’re nothing but a trophy to them.”  
  


* * *

  
**A.V. ROOM, 1555 HOURS, OFFICIAL PHOTOSHOOT (CLICK CLICK, WE’RE SNAPPING APART TO HALF TIME)**  
  
After his discussion with Gina, Jake thinks that the biggest issue he’s going to have is a smug Teddy rubbing in that he’s dating Jenny, mistakenly thinking that Jake still has feelings for Jenny and will somehow be affected by Teddy dating her.  
  
And while he was mildly aggravated at first because it made him feel like he was worse than Teddy, which, y’know. _Ew._  
  
But now he has nothing to worry about! Except for mild discomfort because of Teddy trying to rub his new relationship in Jake’s face, and also Eddie Fung possibly resenting Jake for being the reason he’s now single.  
  
But if Eddie should be mad at anyone, it should be Teddy! So everything’s going to be fine.  
  
Right?  
  


* * *

  
**A.V. ROOM, 1623 HOURS, OFFICIAL PHOTOSHOOT (WRONG WRONG WRONG JAKE WAS WRONG FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!)**  
  
What actually happens is far from anything Jake had anticipated.  
  
Because Jake’s reasoning was right– Eddie seems to want revenge.  
  
Sounds familiar, right?  
  
And what would Eddie do if he wanted to hurt Teddy the same way he hurt him? Obviously, by trying to “steal” Amy, who Teddy has confessed to still having feelings for.  
  
As a member of the photography club, Eddie’s probably heard _plenty_ about Teddy’s obsession for Amy.  
  
Which brings us to the current situation:  
  
Eddie is aggressively flirting with Amy. Or _casually_ flirting with Amy. Jake’s fuming too much to really tell.  
  
In getting revenge on Teddy, Eddie inadvertently and simultaneously hurts Jake. More than Teddy ever could.  
  
But then again, Eddie’s only flirting with Amy because Teddy broke him and Jenny up. So when you think about it, Teddy’s succeeded in his revenge plan against Jake (albeit unintentionally).  
  
However, it is possible that Eddie started flirting with Amy because she’s enchanting and he’s single.  
  
He’s taking her solo shots now, and taking way too long with them. Jake (and Teddy, but who cares?) can only watch helplessly as Amy laughs at Eddie’s jokes.  
  
Is he telling jokes? Jake doesn’t know. But Amy is smiling, and she’s giggling, and all Jake can think about is how he’s been Fung’d AGAIN.  
  
Maybe Amy’s only laughing to be polite, maybe she genuinely thinks Eddie’s the funniest, most charming man alive, who knows?  
  
Jake just freaks out silently and prays that Eddie will back off.  
  
“Jake, you look really good in that pose,” Jenny compliments outright, her words consistently getting ignored by Jake.  
  
“ _Good?_ ” Teddy huffs. “He just looks angry.”  
  
“Angry’s a hot look,” Jenny drawls, but Jake doesn’t so much as throw a glance at her.  
  
“If anger’s a good look on me, I definitely look extremely handsome right now,” Jake seethes under his breath, eyes still focused on Amy and Eddie. It’s very obviously affecting the way his photos are being taken, but as Jenny has so kindly brought up, they still look good.  
  
“Hey, so you free this evening?” They hear Eddie ask, and Jake’s heart stops.  
  
No, no, no no, no no no, no!  
  
He manages to stare at Amy even more shamelessly somehow, and watches as she slides a tendril of hair behind her ear.  
  
“Uh, why are you asking?”  
  
“So I can take you out on a date.”  
  
“Oh! Right.” Amy giggles awkwardly. “Should’ve figured that out.”  
  
Jake wants to be skinned inside out.  
  
“So, is that a yes?”  
  
“Uh... give me some time to think about it?”  
  
Jake’s emotions explode inside him– because on one hand he’s so relieved she doesn’t say yes, and on the other hand, he’s so frustrated because she doesn’t outright reject Eddie either.  
  
“Damn it, Teddy, can you hurry up?” Jake spits in mild outrage (because he’s still in a room filled with several people), pretending to check a watch that isn’t there. “Move on to the ensemble shots, Amy and I have an audition to rehearse for.”  
  
“Wait, that’s now?” Amy asks. “I don’t remember Holt saying anything.”  
  
“He uh... _just did_. We should leave.”  
  
Amy regards Eddie briefly. “Are you done?”  
  
“For this photoshoot? Sure. My desire to take pictures of you? That’s not done _at all.”_  
  
Jake clenches his fist, hating Eddie Fung with his every being.  
  
“Okay, that sounds good enough for me,” Amy looks at Jake with a smile, and his entire being softens. “Where are we rehearsing? You have a place in mind?”  
  
Jake nods, hopefully in a convincing manner.  
  
They leave the room, and Jake’s walking so fast that Amy can barely keep up in the shoes she’s wearing for the photoshoot.  
  
“Jake, wait, shouldn’t we change first?”  
  
“ _There’s no time, we have to run_ ,” Jake gabbles, turning into a unfrequented corner of the school and chancing upon a supply closet.  
  
“What are we doing here?” Amy asks as Jake locks the door behind them. Her heart races as she watches Jake– a strange determination about him tantalizes her. Her question is only for show; she has a feeling she knows _exactly_ what Jake wants with her in here.  
  
She attempts to discreetly remove her shoes, and that gets Jake smiling.  
  
“What do you think?” He responds rhetorically. “Five points if you can guess.”  
  
“You want... to kiss?” She tries to say this in an attractive, alluring manner. Okay fine– it comes out more adorable than anything else, but it’s scary how easily she can attract him these days.  
  
“Nice try. You get _three_ points–“ and then he moves in, swallowing her up with desire.  
  
He keeps holding and pulling her closer in a way that’s aggravatingly easy to fall into, to give into. But there’s a certain edge to the way Jake pursues her touch, her kiss, her body– that confuses Amy. It unsettles her because he’s chasing her lips with an unspeakable drive; like he’s trying to achieve something.  
  
“Jake,” she exhales unevenly as his tongue licks a playful strip up her neck– another indication that something is amiss. Surely, something must have set Jake off, something must’ve prompted this extreme display of... whatever he’s doing.  
  
It’s good, _obviously_ , but Amy needs to understand his motivations before she can let herself proceed.  
  
“Why are you– why are you suddenly kissing me?”  
  
She shuts her eyes as his hand slides up her midriff; almost sick of how he has this ability to touch her anywhere and have it feel amazing.  
  
He chuckles against her skin before placing a kiss on her nose. Amy nearly abandons questioning him all together.  
  
“I didn’t realize we had a kissing schedule, Amy. Did I forget to set my next appointment for making out with you?”  
  
Amy breathes with slight difficulty. There’s something appealing about this kissing schedule actually, and Amy can’t tell if Jake knows that about her and is doing this on purpose or if he’s in the dark and just instinctively knows what she’d want, despite posing it as a joke.  
  
“No, Jake. You– you seem... angry?”  
  
Concern flashes over his features. It’s followed by guilt, upon which Jake starts to examine Amy.  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hurt you, right?”  
  
Amy shakes her head. “You can’t hurt me. At least... not in a way– _never mind_. I’m getting distracted. What’s going on, Jake? Are you... are you mad about Teddy?”  
  
“Uh... yeah. Teddy’s a dick. So is Eddie. Feel like everyone knows that,” Jake says stiffly. He’s doing his best to be discreet about how disgustingly jealous he got seeing Eddie flirt with her.  
  
But his intentions completely backfire. Amy’s entire face falls and then frowns in disgust. She backs away from him, and Jake realizes all at once that he’s majorly fucked up.  
  
“This is... this is about Jenny, isn’t it?” She purses her lips.  
  
Jake’s at a loss of what to say.  
  
“Uh...”  
  
It’s a mistake, because Amy takes his hesitation as a confirmation that she’s right.  
  
“Oh god, you’re– you’re _using_ me.” She looks disgusted, and Jake rethinks his entire strategy. But he’s not fast enough.  
  
“No, Amy! That’s–“  
  
“I can’t believe this– I’m leaving.”  
  
She pushes past him and clears out of the room.  
  
“Amy, let me explain!”  
  
She runs much too fast for him to catch up, shoes in hand giving her feet freedom. He worries briefly about her cutting or grazing her bare feet on the floor— one of the biggest rules in drama club is that they can’t venture barefoot around the school; something that some people might feel compelled to do because warm up exercises in the multi-purpose room are always done barefoot (another safety precaution because of how much moving they do).  
  
Anyway, Jake loses Amy, and all he can do is hate himself for how badly he’s screwed things up.  
  
He enters the bathroom (whether to wash off his makeup or cry, he’s not sure yet), and the first thing he sees in the mirror is splotches of Amy’s lipstick on his mouth.  
  
Yeah, he definitely wants to cry.  
  


* * *

  
**A.V. ROOM, 1635 HOURS, OFFICIAL PHOTOSHOOT**  
  
Once she’s lost Jake, his voice no longer within earshot, Amy slows down and puts on her shoes. Breaking the rules for as long as she had was already painful enough.  
  
Although, she’s been breaking the rules for ages now, hasn’t she?  
  
Every time she messes around with Jake, they’re doing something they’re not really supposed to– but she lets herself go rogue, she lets him break all her rules.  
  
Jake Peralta. _What an asshole_. He’s just like any other guy, any other _jerk_. She should’ve known from the moment Jenny came up to her before the photoshoot started.  
  


* * *

  
**A.V. ROOM, 1617 HOURS, OFFICIAL PHOTOSHOOT (MINUTES AGO, SO LIKE A FLASHBACK OKAY WAIT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST IS A FLASHBACK WHAT OKAY NEVERMIND)**  
  
“Hey,” Jenny greets Amy too casually, gently squeezing her shoulders in greeting. “Ooh, your lipstick’s pretty.”  
  
“Thank you,” Amy smiles politely, already feeling awkward.  
  
“I hope you don’t feel weird about me stealing your boyfriend,” she remarks, fiddling with an eyebrow pencil that Amy thankfully does not need for the moment.  
  
“Uh, you mean Teddy? Don’t worry, we broke up ages ago. And I initiated it.”  
  
Jenny shakes her head. “I don’t mean Teddy, I mean _Jake.”_  
  
Amy freezes, nearly messing up her lipstick.  
  
“I... don’t understand. I’m not dating Jake either.”  
  
“Oh! Really? That’s good to hear– so the rumors aren’t true then.”  
  
“Uh, yeah.” Amy swallows uncomfortably. “Also I’m not trying to judge but aren’t you dating Teddy?”  
  
Jenny snorts, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, that’s not actually a thing. I agreed to help him so he can get you back, and I can get Jake.”  
  
“Not gonna work. I’m not interested in getting back together with Teddy. _Ever.”_  
  
Jenny shrugs. “Cool. Don’t really care whether you do. But since you’re not actually with Jake and okay with me getting back together with him–“  
  
This takes Amy by surprise. She never said she was okay with that.  
  
“–any tips you can give?”  
  
“What tips?” Amy asks, pretending to do her hair.  
  
“Like... what does he like?”  
  
_He likes kissing me,_ Amy wants to say. But as annoying as Jenny’s efforts and intentions are, a part of Amy is worried that she’ll succeed.  
  


* * *

  
**A.V. ROOM, 1636 HOURS, OFFICIAL PHOTOSHOOT**  
  
“Hey, Eddie?” Amy calls out smoothly, getting everyone’s attention immediately.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“This evening sounds _great.”_  
  
“Nice!” He gives her a thumbs up. “I’ll see you later!”  
  
Amy nods, turning around to leave, only to see Jake’s face, more fragile than she’s ever remembered it. It reminds her vaguely of the night at Jake’s bar mitzvah. Except despite the lack of tears rolling down Jake’s face, his expression holds much more sorrow.  
  
She ignores him, deliberately averting her gaze in a chilling manner before turning around and leaving the room.  
  


* * *

  
**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1839 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (END OF REHEARSAL)**  
  
Throughout the entire rehearsal, Amy blatantly ignores Jake, choosing to study their audition script when they’re not rehearsing for the annual production.  
  
He desperately wants to explain, but he can’t do that without going somewhere more secluded with Amy, or exposing her for not rehearsing with him.  
  
Amy misunderstanding him is one thing, but getting Amy in trouble with Holt is a surefire way to get her to hate him forever.  
  
So Jake waits (awkwardly) until rehearsal ends, still unsure of what to do. Holt leaves, a bunch of other people leave, and Amy still blatantly avoids him (and is very skilled about it, staying where others are so Jake can’t whisk her away).  
  
“Hey, Amy, you ready to go?” Eddie asks when he arrives, walking into the theater like it belongs to him.  
  
“Sure,” she tells him, smiling beautifully like she always does. “Just let me get my stuff.”  
  
Eddie nods. “I’ll wait outside.”  
  


* * *

  
**OUTSIDE THE THEATER, 1843 HOURS, ~~THREATENING~~ _TALKING VERY NICELY_ TO EDDIE**  
  
“Hey,” Jake approaches Eddie, who’s coolly leaning against a corner. Damn. Amy’s going to fall in love with him and Jake’s definitely going to die alone.  
  
“Oh,” Eddie looks up at Jake. “Jake, right?”  
  
Jake rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure, pretend you barely know me. Pretend Jenny Gildenhorn didn’t dump me for you five years ago.”  
  
“To be fair, she did threaten to break up with me many times for other dudes. Since last year, one of those dudes was you.”  
  
“Really?” Jake remarks in fascination. “Anyway, not the point. I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t be asking Amy out just to make Jenny jealous and get back together with you. I mean–“  
  
Eddie narrows his eyes at Jake. “What makes you think that’s what I’m trying to do here?”  
  
Jake shrugs, mind searching for an explanation. “I guess it’s because... you’ve been with Jenny for years? There’s gotta be _something_ there, or you wouldn’t have stayed with her as long as you have.”  
  
Eddie shakes his head. “Nah man, Jenny was my safety net. Sure, she kept threatening to leave me, but girls weren’t exactly queueing up to ask me out. I’m not _you._ ”  
  
“No–“ Jake points his finger at Eddie–“I’m not letting you charm me too.”  
  
“Uh... what?”  
  
“Okay never mind, you weren’t trying to charm me. So are you saying you kept dating Jenny just for the sake of having a girlfriend?”  
  
“I mean... lots of people do that.” Eddie shrugs inconsequentially. “And I was Jenny’s safety net too. Honestly, I’m glad she dumped me. I haven’t been on a date in years.”  
  
“Wait–“ Jake holds his hand up–“so you’re saying you actually _like_ Amy?”  
  
“What’s not to like? She’s pretty, hot, smart– I honestly think she’s one of the prettiest girls in our school. Maybe even the _world_. How is everyone not freaking out about that?”  
  
“RIGHT?” Jake exhales passionately. “That’s what _I_ keep saying! To myself. I don’t... constantly talk about how beautiful Amy is. But seriously, there’s an angel walking the corridors of our school and everyone’s been ignoring that for– _for forever!”_  
  
“Dude, I get it.” Eddie groans in dread. “You like her. But she said yes–“  
  
“Hey hey hey hey now!” Jake warns. “Who said anything about liking her? I just want you to stay away.”  
  
“Why? Why would you care if you don’t like her?”  
  
“Because you’re evil!” Jake childishly exclaims.  
  
Eddie sighs. “I’m not evil, dude. You know what? To prove how not evil I am, I’ll give you my full blessing to ask Jenny out. I won’t even be mad,” he claps Jake twice on his arm.  
  
“Of course you won’t be mad, you’re going on a date with the most wonderful girl in the world!”  
  
“You sure you don’t like Amy?”  
  
“Not the point,” Jake deflects with a sweeping hand gesture. “Besides, I’m not interested in going on a date with Jenny, ever. I’m never dating her again.”  
  
“Okay. Cool. Since you’re so adamant about it, if this thing with Amy flops I’m probably just gonna get back together with Jenny.”  
  
“What? Okay, how is _that_ not an evil thing to do?”  
  
“I’m just being practical, dude!”  
  
They hear someone’s throat clearing and see Amy standing five feet away from them.  
  
“Oh,” Eddie smiles. “There you are– ready to go?”  
  
“Yeah,” says Amy. “I’m going to go– _but not with you_. Date’s cancelled. Sorry.”  
  
Eddie seems to panic for a moment. “Uh– how much of our conversation did you hear?”  
  
“Enough to know that you’re _evil_ ,” Amy emphasizes. “Now scram. You know Gina’s rules– people outside of the drama club aren’t allowed within fifteen feet of the theater unless they’re here to watch a show.”  
  
Eddie leaves quickly, afraid of the drama club– particularly, Gina Linetti’s wrath.  
  
Jake watches Eddie skulk away, feeling marginally less stressed.  
  
He looks at Amy apologetically.  
  
“Amy, I just want to say–“  
  
Amy interrupts him by grabbing his hand roughly and dragging him to...  
  
Well, they’re not there yet. So as of now... he’s just being dragged.  
  


* * *

  
**DRESSING ROOM, 1856 HOURS, WHERE AMY DRAGS JAKE**  
  
“Uh... Amy?” Jake asks meekly, only going silent when he sees Amy lock the door.  
  
“Jake, were you trying to chase Eddie away? Ruin my date before it even started again?”  
  
“What?” Jake stammers fearfully. “N-no...”  
  
Amy folds her arms. “Well you succeeded. Congratulations. Now I don’t have a date– y’know, I was _really_ looking forward to making out with Eddie Fung on our date.”  
  
Jake feels jealousy stir again, but he quells the feeling because he quickly realizes what Amy’s doing.  
  
“Hmm. I didn’t know that. My bad.”  
  
Amy shoves Jake against the wall. Thankfully, he was already mere inches away from the wall to begin with.  
  
“I guess this means that you’ll have to kiss me. To make up for the many, _many_ potential kisses I could’ve had on my date.”  
  
Jake can’t help it, he smiles incredibly widely. “Doesn’t this mean... you’re ‘using me’?”  
  
He teases, alluding to what she said hours ago. Which... could easily backfire. But Jake makes bad decisions, and he lives with all its consequences.  
  
Thankfully, Amy doesn’t really take it to heart and a sly smile spreads across her face too.  
  
“Is it okay if I use you?”  
  
She says this... in the _hottest_ imaginable way, and Jake wants to die. Again.  
  
“Of course,” he rasps with desire. “ _Any way you want.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W OW can u believe I’m so extra that I had to make Jake and Amy childhood best friends what in the world 
> 
> Also I hope y’all understood the youth arts presentation stuff!! I know it’s boring but this story has an actual plot and it’s not just Jake and Amy making out all the time 
> 
> But yeah I foreshadowed Jake and Amy on a playground in chapter four I think? It doesn’t matter back then I didn’t even know if I was going to use the idea WHATEVER 
> 
> UH WHAT ELSE so yeah jake and amy are the only ones representing the club which means they’re going to be alone a lot ;) 
> 
> And no one knows that Gina and Rosa are together either!!!! Bc they didn’t say anything and everyone is dumb and slow and some are heteronormative can you BELIEVE 
> 
> Also yes Teddy is an asshole I’m not even bothering to make him 1% likeable he’s just an asshole also Jenny Gildenhorn and Eddie Fung also kinda suck as people this entire school is a terrifying struggle for whatever power isn’t already in the drama club (and tbh Gina and Rosa)’s hands. 
> 
> AHH YES Jake and Amy danced at his bar mitzvah and even back then he struggled with how Pretty she was (she’s the reason he likes blue dresses with big puffy bows at the back OKAY SUCK IT JENNY GILDENHORN) and it frustrated him even more because Amy was his ENEMY so how dare she be so beautiful?? 
> 
> He’s a loser 
> 
> Anyway uh yeah for those of you who are PI S S E D that Jake and Amy aren’t married with 48203820 kids yet hold on to ur pants IM GETTING THERE VERY SOON OKAY you’ll be happy soon 
> 
> Okay they won’t get married but u get my point anyway I feel like I’ve given y’all too many cliffhanger-less chapters and also this chapter was just... idk it doesn’t feel THAT GREAT in retrospect??? I do hope it still made y’all scream/laugh IDK I DIDNT LAUGH WHILE EDITING THIS HOPEFULLY YOU DID 
> 
> Yes im now the longest jake x amy fic in the tag oops
> 
> yeah anyway buh buh bye


	14. she’s attractive, but bitter

**PLAYGROUND, 0934 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (REHEARSAL)**

“Jake, you can’t be serious!”

Amy buries her face into her knees, laughing her head off at Jake. She can’t believe what he’s suggesting.

“Of course I’m serious,” he says from the other side of the playground, before climbing up the ladder, sliding down the fireman’s pole, and landing next to Amy.

It’s a weekend morning, but Jake and Amy have agreed to meet up for their own rehearsal purposes anyway because the day of the audition is drawing near and time is of the essence.

“Jake, Holt already approved our performance– there’s no need to add a _kiss_ in scene three.”

Jake smirks. “ _Just_ scene three? I was thinking scene four too.”

“Jake!” Amy huffs, sounding more affectionate than frustrated. “Okay, scene three I get because that’s when they get together– but in scene four they’ve already been married for years!”

“Exactly! They’re _married_ – what husband doesn’t kiss his wife every day? I mean, if he doesn’t, they might as well get divorced! Which is _exactly_ what happened to my parents.”

“Are you seriously playing the ‘child of divorce’ card right now?” Amy crosses her arms.

“Yes. _Obviously_. It’s pretty much the only card I have! I mean, I’m white, I’m a cis-male, so– privilege abound.”

“Well, not all couples have to kiss when they see each other to be happy– my parents have been happily married for years and I’ve never– _wait_. Actually... I’ve never bothered to look out for it.”

“See!” Jake gestures at Amy, trying to indicate that she’s proving his point. “I mean, it’s a _love story_ , Ames. Wouldn’t you want your spouse to kiss you when you come home from work as a super successful... whatever you plan to do in the future?”

Amy beams, a part of her glowing at the knowledge that Jake knows what she’d prioritize in her life, and also what sort of relationship dynamic she might enjoy.

“I see your point. So what kind of kiss are you suggesting?”

Jake raises his eyebrow suggestively at Amy. “You wanna try something _really_ sick, don’t you?”

“What?” Amy shakes her head. “No!”

Jake shakes his head disapprovingly at Amy. “God, Amy, I get that you’re into some super messed up stuff but this is an _inter-school_ competition we’re going for, have some goddamn _respect_!”

“Hey, I have respect! I have _all_ the respect. Besides, I’m not the one with a million weird kinks here!” Amy retorts, having no idea what argument she’s making, because she’s not even the one who wanted to put a kiss in their audition performance in the first place. But Jake makes her do foolish, crazy things.

“Yeah, but I don’t take my kinks to the _stage_ , Ame–“

“Whatever! Just hurry up and show me how you’d kiss the wife already, Jake. We don’t have all day.”

Jake offers Amy a teasing grin. “If you insist.”

He lifts Amy up on a raised platform of the playground set and quickly laces a series of kisses up Amy’s neck and jaw. After which, he gives Amy a sweet, long kiss on the mouth, licking Amy’s upper lip sensuously before pulling away.

Amy’s very stunned.

“Jake, what was that?”

“You told me to show you how I’d kiss my wife,” Jake states with a nonchalant shrug. “Honestly that’s really limiting a request, I feel like I’d kiss my future wife in more ways than one.”

Amy inhales deeply, her lungs still struggling to comprehend oxygen and its uses.

“Jake, I meant the wife in the _script_ , not your own future wife,” Amy attempts to chide him, but somehow, her tone fails to come off as harsh as she needs it to be.

“Oh...” Jake licks his lip cheekily in mock realization. “ _My bad.”_

Amy can’t even find it in herself to be mad at Jake. All she can think of is how lucky Jake’s future wife is, and how envious Amy is of her.

* * *

**PLAYGROUND, 1056 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (END OF REHEARSAL)**

“God, I could use some brunch,” Jake remarks, casually rubbing his growling stomach. “Wanna grab some grub? Get something at that cafe you like?”

Amy shakes her head. “Sorry, Jake. My mom’s cooking lunch.”

“Oh!” Jake contemplates his next words. “Is there... any extra? I mean, it’s completely fine, and uh–“

“I’ll ask my mom,” Amy gladly obliges with a smile. “She’ll probably be fine with it, we always have a ton of extra food.”

Amy shoots her mother a quick text, only to get an overwhelmingly positive response.

**_YES PLEASE MY DEAR BRING HIM HOME IMMEDIATELY_ **

“What did she say?” Jake asks, leaning in closer to the point where he can almost see what’s on her screen.

“ _She says it’s okay!_ ” Amy replies curtly, sliding her phone into her pocket.

Jake breaks out into a huge smile. “Really? Yes!”

They spend the walk over to Amy’s house chatting– or, to be more accurate, interrogating. Jake asks incessantly about all the possible dishes and common delicacies served at the Santiago household.

He’s so incredibly bubbly, so excited at the prospect of a simple meal at Amy’s house; his smile alone is currently the highlight of her day, and he glows so bright that Amy finds herself burning in his presence.

* * *

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1108 HOURS, LUNCH TIME**

“We’re home!” Jake declares as they walk through the front door of Amy’s house. “I’m sorry, I’ve just always wanted to do that.”

“Don’t worry,” Amy assures, realizing the sadness underlying Jake’s words. Jake can’t say ‘I’m home!’ if there’s no one at home other than himself to begin with.

“Jake, it’s you!” Camila greets amicably as she emerges from the kitchen, drying a plate.

“Hey, Amy’s Mom,” Jake responds in an attempt to be polite. “Thank you for having me over.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Three of my boys are away at college, and the husband’s at work. There’s plenty to go around.”

Jake feels immense relief at hearing that Amy’s father’s not around, a thought he hadn’t even considered since asking to have lunch at Amy’s. But the fact that he’s not around means one less worry for Jake.

The only person currently at the table is Amy’s youngest brother, Leo, who’s already gotten orange juice all over his front.

“What’s cooking, Mrs S? Can I help in any... uh, _way_?”

Jake awkwardly offers as he attempts to peep into the kitchen.

“Oh, you’re too kind. But there’s no need, the lasagna’s almost done.”

“Lasagna?!” Jake gasps, looking incredibly touched. “Amy, you didn’t tell me you lived in actual kitchen heaven!”

Mrs Santiago looks sadly upon Jake. “My dear, do your parents not cook?”

“Uh, well. I only have _parent_ , my mom– dad left, blah blah blah... my mom works a lot, and she’s not big on cooking unless it’s a special occasion. She prefers setting fire to the kitchen. Although that’s usually on _accident_ , so.”

Every word Jake utters paints a sadder and sadder picture.

“That’s okay, you’re always welcome here from now on. Whenever you need a warm, home-cooked meal.”

“Thank you,” Jake says, truly grateful, and equally as speechless.

“God knows, most of my children don’t appreciate what they have. Amy, can you please call your useless brothers down for lunch?”

“Oh, uh– do you need help with that?” Jake asks Amy, out of consideration that she has plenty of brothers to go around.

Amy shakes her head, and her mother chuckles knowingly.

“You’re about to find out why she doesn’t need your help.”

Amy makes her way to the base of the staircase.

“BOYS!” She exclaims. “LUNCH TIME, I WANT EVERYONE DOWN AND SEATED IN FIVE SECONDS!”

Jake can only marvel at the volume and authority of Amy’s command, as well as its effectiveness. No one’s asking, but Jake finds it super hot. Not even a second goes by before doors are unlocked, and feet quickly shuffle their way down the stairs.

Three boys make their way to the table in a single file. There’s Diego, who Jake is most familiar with, and behind him are identical twin brothers of whom Jake has not had the pleasure of making his acquaintance.

The twins snicker in unison as they regard Jake’s presence.

“Amy brought her _boyfriend_ ,” one of them remarks loudly.

“I’m not Amy’s boyfriend–“ Jake retorts–“whoever you are.”

“I’m Louie,” says the one who talked. “And this is Luis. As if looking exactly the same wasn’t enough.”

Jake chuckles in amusement. “Your lives must be hell.”

It’s like being amongst the non-ginger version of the Weasley family, but Jake won’t be able to make that reference because he hasn’t read any of the Harry Potter books, or watched any of the movies. What a loser, right?

“Yes, for the millionth time, I named you two Louie and Luis to ruin your lives,” Mrs Santiago remarks sardonically as she brings out the lasagna.

“Oh my god, it’s lasagna? Mom, you’re completely forgiven, and I’ve forgotten all issues stemming from my lack of identity due to being a twin,” Luis celebrates, and if one should look carefully they might see that he has tears in his eyes.

“Luis, you and I are vibing _so hard_ right now,” Jake marvels as he takes a seat next to Amy.

“Not that I’m complaining, but uh, what is Jake doing here?” Diego asks Amy, out of curiosity rather than animosity.

“Are the two of you getting married?” Leo asks, which makes Jake and Amy choke on their food.

“Seriously Leo? No!”

Jake nods. “Yeah, no to that too. Although,” he begins in a showy manner. “I’d marry Amy in a _heartbeat_ if it meant I’d get to eat food like this every day.”

Mrs Santiago smiles in response to Jake’s blatant sucking up.

“Yeah,” Luis continues. “And also you’d get to have sex with her.”

Everyone (aside from Louie who smiles) expresses disgust at this to differing degrees.

“Luis, we’re at the _table_ ,” Camila reminds.

“Yeah, Luis!” Louie follows up in mock anger. “How can you say that? They don’t need to get married to have sex, _jeez_ , get with the times.”

More instances of choking on food occur as Louie and Luis exchange high fives. It seems they’re always very crude, possibly as a means of attracting attention.

“The two of you stop, or no more lasagna,” Mrs Santiago warns, and this threat is taken seriously, by Luis especially.

“Anyway,” Jake starts after things have been uncomfortably silent for too long. “I’m here because Amy and I were rehearsing for an audition earlier.”

“Is it a porn audition?” Leo asks in an eerily innocent manner.

Amy just takes a deep sigh at this point, mumbling something along the lines of “I hate my life”.

“Um, no, not porn.” Jake explains, unsure of where to go from here. “It’s a competition. _Theater_.”

Almost every one of Amy’s brothers groan in unison, and Jake decides that it’s probably the best idea for him to shut up.

* * *

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1116 HOURS, (HELL) LUNCH TIME**

Amy can’t believe this is the most embarrassing lunch she’s ever had. For starters, her twin brothers Luis and Louie who usually don’t direct their crude words at her, choosing to make life hell for her other brothers instead, have decided to really take the cake today. They’re making fun of her and Jake without abandon and it seems to be their current main source of entertainment.

And as for Leo... Amy doesn’t need to start with how her youngest brother continues to scar everyone for life despite having lived the shortest one thus far.

As much as it pains her to say this, Diego isn’t the biggest pain in her ass out of all her brothers today.

“Can you imagine having a family this big some day?” Jake whispers as a stray observation to Amy, in response to the terrifying words uttered by Leo.

“I don’t even want to think about it,” Amy responds, but despite their efforts to whisper, her brothers pick up everything they say to each other.

“Why, Jake? You want a big family?” Diego asks, and Amy has a feeling she’s going to have to take back her words on Diego not being the biggest pain in her ass today.

“Uh... I haven’t really thought about that,” Jake awkwardly rasps with a shrug, looking down at his lasagna.

“If you wanna have kids with our sister, then you have to get ready for a _huge_ litter,” Louie continues.

“Yeah,” Diego chimes in. “Amy says she wants to have ten kids, nine _at minimum_ so she can break our mom’s record for most kids in the Santiago clan.”

“I’ve never said that!” Amy angrily retorts. “Honestly, living with all of you could make anyone reconsider having children.”

“I agree,” agrees Mrs Santiago. “You boys are a nightmare.”

Amy smiles triumphantly as her brothers protest to this.

“I wish I had more of Amy,” Mrs Santiago continues pettily.

“Thanks mom,” Amy acknowledges with a smug smile.

“But mom–“ Diego interjects–“if you didn’t have the rest of us, who would Amy have to order around?”

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘keep in line’,” Amy corrects pointedly.

“How do you ‘keep them in line’?” Jake asks, more curious to know Amy’s methods at making the disobedient obey her more than _anything_.

“She shushes us,” Louie explains with a sigh.

“You shush them?” Jake asks incredulously.

“Trust me, it’s annoyingly effective,” Luis frowns, looking stressed. The Santiago brothers have spent years trying and failing to keep quiet when shushed by their sister.

“I’ve stopped resisting,” Diego continues melodramatically. “That’s the trick to survival, just do what Amy orders you to.”

“Yeah, I can totes relate to being ordered around by Amy all the time,” Jake raises his glass, taking a sip of orange soda.

“Hey!” Amy protests, anger directed at Jake specifically. “When did I order you around?”

“Don’t be mad,” Jake says in an attempt to pacify her. “I never said I don’t _like_ being ordered around by you.”

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1207 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (ACTUAL DAY)**

“I can’t wait for this audition to be over,” Amy tells Jake after they’ve settled in their dressing room, which looks super fancy and way more dope than the dressing room at their own theater.

Of course, this fanciness is something they’ve already experienced last year, but there’s a certain freedom that comes with being the only two there, with no controlling seniors to boss them around.

“Right,” Jake gestures, with his index finger and thumb stretched out. “No more super intense rehearsals after this.”

Although barely depicted, Jake and Amy have rehearsed intensely for a great number of hours. But anyone who’s seen their performance will say without a shadow of doubt that their efforts will pay off.

“Well, that too, but I’m talking about our week long break from school, Jake.”

Jake sits up in exaggerated shock. “No way– Amy Santiago, happy about not going to _school_?! Someone call the cops!”

Amy rolls her eyes, but also laughs at Jake’s antics.

“Shut up, I’m excited because Kylie’s coming over to visit for a few days,” she informs. “She’s arriving at my house today.”

“That’s great!” Jake sincerely tells her. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“Last summer.”

“That’s ages ago.”

“Yup,” Amy nods. “I can’t wait. I don’t think I’ll be able to think about anything else all day.”

“You don’t have to,” Jake smiles confidently. “We’re gonna nail this audition.”

“I hope so too– but we shouldn’t get too cocky, right?”

“True. Remind me what time our performance is today?”

There are a total of five teams auditioning today. All of whom were required to report at noon, with the first team performing at one. Each performance is estimated to take about 45 minutes, which means depending on what random order the judges choose to call the teams, Jake and Amy could leave this place as early as two, or as late as six in the evening.

“They said they’ll text us about half an hour before we’re due on stage.”

“Sounds good– you wanna get lunch?”

* * *

**FANCY CAFETERIA, 1225 HOURS, LUNCH TIME**

“I can’t believe there’s so much good food here but we’re having salad,” Jake laments as he pokes at the raw vegetables.

“It’s chicken salad, Jake,” Amy reminds, like that makes things better. “Besides, you know we can’t risk hurting our voices before the audition.”

“I know,” Jake grumbles as he stuffs a single vegetable in his mouth, grimacing at the taste. “Is it okay if I don’t eat the vegetables?”

“Jake, I’m not your mother– but yes, you have to eat the vegetables. _They’re good for you._ Besides, they currently make up 90% of the food on your plate.”

Jake groans abhorrently at the prospect of eating more vegetables.

“And I thought you loved being ordered around by me,” Amy teases as she eats a bite of salad with no observable difficulty.

“I’m starting to regret making that joke.”

“ _Just_ starting to? Jake, my brothers had a _field day_ with what you said,” Amy shakes her head, the memory gnawing annoyingly at the back of her mind.

“Please don’t make me remember that,” Jake pleads, still raw from the experience. “Remind me never to marry you.”

Amy snorts. “You’re saying that like it could happen on accident.”

“You never know,” Jake points out. “Vegas isn’t that far away.”

“Why would we be in Vegas?”

“For a fun night out. I mean, we’ll still be friends after high school, right?”

Amy smiles in an embarrassingly wide manner. “I’d like that.”

“Me too,” says Jake, smiling in an equally mushy manner.

Just then, a hand slams on their table, shocking Jake and Amy, making them look up at the offender.

It’s none other than _the Vulture._

“Peralta. Santiago. Heard your stupid butts were back here again.”

Jake and Amy groan in unison.

“What are you doing here, Pembroke?” Jake sighs, folding his arms over the table as both a defensive and evasive act.

“Here to win, you losers,” The Vulture taunts smugly, even though he has no reason to be smug.

“Losers?” Amy smirks. “I seem to recall that it was _our team_ who brought home the first honors title last year.”

“Yeah,” Jake agrees haughtily. “And all you got was _gold_ ,” he briefly pauses at that, because he meant his words to be really scathing, but they’re... not.

The Vulture snorts, folding his arms as he chews on a toothpick.

“The only reason why your pathetic school came within ten feet of first honors is because the judges liked Santiago’s tight _ass_.”

Amy makes a face– she’s not sure whether to leave or punch the Vulture in his disgusting face.

“Shut up, Pembroke. Unlike you, the judges aren’t the worst,” Jake throws with a snide look.

But the Vulture doesn’t seem affected at all, of course.

“Ooh, someone’s feisty. What are you going to do, Peralta? Sit on my face with your lily white ass?”

“Get lost, Pembroke,” Amy hisses, staring holes into the Vulture’s skin. “Unlike you, we have an audition coming up that we actually take seriously.”

The Vulture receives a text just then, flicking the toothpick in his mouth away as he reads it with a smile.

“Sorry, time to stop flirting with me, Santiago. I have a stage to set on fire.”

He walks away clicking his teeth together, chuckling like he’s won a fight, or a contest, his entire being annoying Jake and Amy.

“I feel like telling him that arson’s a federal offense,” Amy mutters under her breath.

“Don’t,” Jake advises, “he’ll just say something about one of our asses again.”

“Yeah, why is he so obsessed with that?”

Jake shrugs with a cheeky grin. “I mean, I can’t blame the guy. We do have _amazing_ asses.”

Amy nearly chokes on her salad. “Okay, I think I’m done with lunch.”

“Yeah,” Jake says as he stuffs the last piece of chicken from his salad in his mouth. “I was never going to finish this salad anyway.”

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1349 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (ACTUAL DAY)**

After their lunch which wasn’t really a lunch if you think about it, Jake and Amy rehearse their audition performance again, complete with all the added kisses.

“Hmm... I think I could use some grub,” Jake remarks with an obsequious tone, looking at Amy with pleading eyes.

“Jake, you finished all the chicken in your salad,” she reminds.

“Yeah, but we just rehearsed! Do you know how tiring it is to kiss you?”

Amy rolls her eyes. Seriously, all he did was give her a few gentle kisses with an additional peck on the cheek. Neither of them are close to being breathless.

“Besides, we had _salad_ for lunch,” Jake continues. “And we saw the Vulture– that should make any food eaten in his presence null and void!”

“Fine,” Amy relents, getting up from her chair with a groan. “I’ll go get us something.”

Jake breaks out into a wide, open-mouthed smile. “For realz? You’re the best, Ames.”

“I know,” she replies with a smile.

“Charles usually responds by telling me that _I’m_ the best.”

“I’m not Charles.”

“That’s true,” Jake agrees, eyes trailing down to drink in just exactly how _un-Charles_ Amy is.

His gaze makes her feel too heated to handle being in his presence, and she chooses that very moment to leave the room.

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1354 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (ACTUAL DAY)**

The door opens and Jake spins around in the only chair with wheels in the room for dramatic effect.

“Well well well– that was fa–“ he looks up, immediately feeling embarrassed because–“ _you’re not Amy.”_

He bites his lip awkwardly at the blonde girl standing at the door.

“Oh! Sorry, I’m at the wrong dressing room.”

Jake shrugs. “No biggie. Honestly, I don’t even know which room I’m supposed to be in. I’d be screwed if I left this place.”

The girl chuckles heartily at this, even though that joke was half-decent at best. Jake regards her curiously.

“Cute _and_ funny–“ her eyes widen in terror, as if she didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Jake sits up straighter in his chair, smiling proudly. “I’m cute and funny? Today’s a good day.”

The girl blushes. “I’m sorry. I’ve mostly been referring to you as ‘ _Hot Guy From Lunch Table_ ’ all day. I kind of... saw you in the cafeteria.”

“Right,” Jake gesticulates affirmatively. “We were fighting with the Vulture.”

“The Vulture?”

“Pembroke. From that preppy arts school?”

“OH!” Her eyes widen in understanding. “Damn, you’re right. He’s such a Vulture. I’m calling him that from now on.”

Jake smiles lightly. “You know... as much as I would want everyone to call me ‘Hot Guy From Lunch Table’, that’s not my name. Which is a pity. I’m Jake.”

He stands up now, stretching his hand out which the girl shakes.

“I’m Bernice.”

Jake nods. “Cool. Good luck for your audition today, Bernice.”

Jake lets go of her hand, and her head tilts to look at the bag on Jake’s dressing table.

“Is that... a Nakatomi Plaza keychain?”

Jake nods. “Yup, I _love_ Die Hard.”

Bernice’s jaw drops. “Me too!” She removes her jumper to reveal a Nakatomi Plaza shirt.

“Nice! Man, you like Die Hard too? That’s great!”

Bernice nods her head readily. “How could I not? It’s the best cop movie of all time!”

Jake’s jaw drops excitedly. “That’s what _I_ keep saying!”

“I honestly sleep in this shirt sometimes,” Bernice admits shyly. “It’s stupid, but I’m wearing this today as a good luck charm.”

“That’s not stupid. Why do you think I brought that keychain?”

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1407 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (ACTUAL DAY)**

They continue chatting about Die Hard, discussing favorite scenes, ranking the villains, impersonating John McClane and spitting out iconic lines from the movie.

“Honestly, we should watch the next Die Hard movie together when it comes out–“ Bernice pauses then, biting her lip–“I mean... uh, if you want to?”

“Sounds like a plan– I’m always the only one in the theater anyway.”

Bernice beams, but the door opens at that moment and Amy returns.

She sees Bernice, and her expression immediately sours.

“Who are you?” She asks suspiciously.

“Welcome back, Amy! Meet Bernice– top three things I know about her: she thinks I’m cute, she thinks I’m funny, and she loves Die Hard!”

Bernice lightly shoves Jake in the shoulder. “Stop it!”

But it’s very clear to Amy that Bernice doesn’t _want_ Jake to stop.

This entire situation– from Jake and Bernice’s proximity, the way Bernice looks at Jake, the way Jake revels in her attention... it all gets Amy’s blood boiling to no end.

She’s never felt this angry. And yes, that’s including the time Diego broke her favorite fountain pen and she stopped talking to him for two months.

But Amy can’t act impulsively. First of all, doing what her mind suggests would get her kicked out of the building, and possibly _arrested_. Second of all, everyone, Jake most importantly, will think she’s crazy and never talk to her again.

“Hey Bernice,” Amy greets stiffly. “I’m sorry, but you have to leave now.”

“Uh... what?”

She looks confused, but scared all the same; every second Amy’s glare narrows at her brings Bernice closer to a heart attack.

“Amy, why does she have to leave? I finally found someone who loves and appreciates Die Hard!” Jake complains, but doesn’t object.

Amy opens the door, almost slamming it shut when Bernice walks out.

“Wuntch sent her,” she lies, even though it’s a completely plausible situation. Wuntch has a history of sending moles to sabotage Holt’s students.

Jake’s eyes widen in surprise, before he deflates in disappointment.

“How do you know?”

“Something seemed off about her,” Amy shrugs. “Trust me, we shouldn’t risk anything. You’ve heard Holt’s warnings about Wuntch. Bernice could be one of her students, sent to distract you.”

“She seemed to really like Die Hard though. Like she knew _a lot_ about Die Hard.”

Amy folds her arms skeptically. “She probably researched that movie to seduce you. I mean, I could just as easily learn everything about Die Hard and parade around in tight Nakatomi Plaza shirts–“

She seems very obviously bitter about Bernice’s figure-hugging outfit, but instead of sensing and calling out Amy’s jealousy, Jake’s eyes flash with interest at her suggestion.

“Oh, please _do_ walk around in tight Nakatomi Plaza shirts. I could get you one myself.”

Amy’s breath hitches, her jealousy feeling confused at Jake expressing attraction to her.

“I’m not going to do that, Jake. My point was about how Wuntch clearly sent her here to manipulate your feelings–“

“Yeah, should’ve known that the ‘Hot Guy From Lunch Table’ thing was too good to be true,” Jake deflates in disappointment. “She saw us talking to the Vulture at the cafeteria table, probably scouting us out for a moment to strike.”

Amy purses her lips. “Yeah, probably. Although I think the Die Hard thing is the biggest giveaway. Her finding you hot is completely plausible.”

Jake straightens in a mix of emotions, all of them desperate.

“Wait, you think I’m hot?”

Alarms go off, blaring inside Amy’s mind.

“What? No! I just– I just meant that _her_ finding _you_ hot was not out of the question.”

“Right.” Jake grins. “Because you also think I’m hot.”

“Ugh, okay– you’re... _objectively_ , you’re–“ she gesticulates strangely–“attractive-looking.”

“I’m _attractive-looking?”_

“Whatever, that’s not the point. We’re talking about how we need to be careful because anyone could be a threat sent by Wuntch. You can flirt with anyone you want _after_ the audition.”

Jake raises his arms in offense. “I wasn’t flirting with Bernice, we were bonding over Die Hard!”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Regardless, we need to take Holt’s warning seriously. She could be a spy sent to ruin our chemistry and all that.”

Jake gives Amy a compelling look. “Oh Amy. As if _anything_ could ruin our chemistry.”

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1412 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (ACTUAL DAY)**

Amy doesn’t have asthma, but she’d kill for an inhaler right now because Jake has rendered her breathless again.

“Anyway, what grub did you get?” Jake asks, continuing normal conversation. Which he is capable of, unlike Amy at the moment.

“Uh...” she reaches into the paper bag she’s brought back to their dressing room, fishing out a bottle of water. “Some water and bread.”

“Ooh, what kind?”

“Nothing special, just plain bread.”

Jake grabs a slice and chews into the bread, moaning at getting to have food.

“It tastes so boring but I’m so hungry,” he tells Amy.

Amy bites into her own bread, sighing in relief at her hunger getting sated.

“You know what I would kill for right now?” Jake says in between chomps.

“A pizza bagel?”

Jake grins. “Try _ten_. And also gummy worms. And also pizza.”

Amy snorts, deciding not to question how pizza bagels are different from pizza. “Wait until after the audition.”

“I know, I know. But I swear, the second we’re out of here, I’m running to the nearest pizza joint.”

“And I’ll be running home to see Kylie.”

“Yup. These are things that we will do and _definitely_ won’t forget, or get distracted from.”

* * *

**BACKSTAGE, 1649 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL AUDITION (ACTUAL DAY)**

Jake and Amy hug after they conclude their audition, knowing that they’ve completely nailed it. The judges actually clapped for them, which made all the waiting worth it.

Besides, it wasn’t like Jake and Amy hated the time they spent together, alone, in that dressing room. They found fun things to do, random things to chat about, and just completely forgot about how nervous they were.

“Can you believe how good we were out there?”

“It’s crazy, right? We were so good. Stupid good.”

Jake chortles, grabbing his bag which he had left backstage in advance so he could leave quickly. “Ready to go?”

“Actually, I think I left something back at the dressing room,” Amy points in the direction of the dressing rooms with her thumb. “So you should go ahead.”

“Okay,” Jake nods. “See you around.”

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1653 HOURS, GETTING HER STUFF**

“Oh, thank god you’re still here–“

When Amy walks back into the dressing room, it’s not empty. Bernice is there, standing in the middle of the room.

“If you’re looking for Jake, he’s not here,” Amy informs curtly, digging through drawers for her eyebrow pencil.

“Oh, it’s fine. I didn’t see his stuff, so I wasn’t even expecting him.”

Amy turns around, straightening to fix Bernice with a perplexed look.

“You were looking for me?”

Bernice glances down vaguely, still seeming intimidated by Amy. Good.

“I actually heard what you said when you shut the door earlier– something about a Wuntch? I was confused at first, but then I asked around and found out about the whole rivalry your director has with her.”

Amy locates her eyebrow pencil, stuffing it into her bag.

“Okay,” she notes, waiting for Bernice to continue.

“And I just wanted to tell you that I’m not some... secret agent trying to ruin your school’s chances at winning this competition– I _genuinely_ like Jake.”

* * *

**BACKSTAGE, 1652 HOURS, ABOUT TO LEAVE**

Jake’s about to make his way out of the building when he stops short. Why should he leave on his own? Wouldn’t the hour long bus ride back to Brooklyn be more bearable with a traveling companion?

He makes his way back to the dressing room, hoping he’s able to find it. Jake smiles when he hears muffled voices emerging from the door which he vaguely recalls being the dressing room assigned to him and Amy.

He recognizes Amy’s voice, but before he can consider why she’s talking to herself he hears another.

_“–I genuinely like Jake.”_

It’s Bernice. The door is ajar, and he sees Amy and Bernice engaged in a conversation. Wanting to know what they’ll say about him, Jake stays incredibly silent and listens.

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1657 HOURS, TALKING TO BERNICE**

“Okay.” Amy nods once. “Message received.”

Bernice digs into her pocket and pulls out a slip of paper with a string of numbers neatly printed on it. _Great, now she’s trying to seduce Jake with her nice handwriting._

“I know it’s a stretch, but could you also give Jake my number? I would really love to see him again.”

Amy’s been doing her best to... accommodate Bernice. However poor the results. But this is where she snaps.

“ _No_ ,” Amy refuses outright, sounding a tad bit more aggressive than she needs or means to be.

Bernice narrows her eyes at Amy speculatively.

“Wait... oh my god– do you like Jake?”

Amy takes a deep breath. Bernice is a complete stranger that she’ll likely never have to deal with again, so what’s her loss?

“Yes, I do,” she declares, feeling a huge weight fall off her shoulders as she admits this out loud. “I have feelings for Jake.”

Bernice sighs. “I should’ve known. But... even though this irks you, shouldn’t you let Jake be happy?”

Amy scowls at Bernice’s insinuation that she’s being selfish. Which... well, she isn’t _wrong_ to think, but Amy doesn’t want Bernice to have the moral upper hand.

“Look,” Amy folds her arms. “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here. As much as I don’t want you to be with Jake, I can’t be with him either. Jake has a girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Bernice looks even more downtrodden by this knowledge, but she no longer views Amy in the same negative light. “That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Amy nods. “He’s super un-single,” she swallows awkwardly.

“I mean, I guess I can’t say I’m surprised,” Bernice sighs. “Girls probably flock to guys like him.”

Amy groans. “Ugh, you do not want to know how many people asked him to prom this year.”

Bernice snorts. “I can imagine. Anyway, sorry for taking up your time. I should get going.”

* * *

**DOOR, 1702 HOURS, MAKING A MAD DASH TO HIDE BEHIND THE NEAREST PILLAR**

Jake’s heart is beating so fast he’s afraid it’ll explode in his chest and he’ll die from internal bleeding. Actually, that’s where all the blood is supposed to be, right? But his heart is going to combust at any second so Jake’s screwed either way.

He can’t believe what he heard behind the door, what he saw Amy confess to Bernice. Who Jake now loves, not because of her as a person, but because of what she made Amy say.

And now he knows. He finally knows. Amy likes him. Amy Santiago, girl of his dreams, owner (although she’s currently in the dark about it) of his heart, love of his god damn life... _likes_ him.

Amy has a crush on Jake Peralta. Amy Santiago has feelings for Jake. Amy like-likes Jake. Amy has romantical-ish feelz for Jake.

No matter how he (stupidly) puts it, it still feels equally incredible and unbelievable to him. Jake doesn’t even comprehend the possibility that Amy’s lying to Bernice. For once, he has an outsider’s perspective on Amy’s feelings towards him, and he finally sees the truth for what it is.

Amy wants Jake. In a romantic way, he supposes. Either way, Jake’s not going to run away in fear from this one. He’s not going to let his insecurities scare him into obsessively hiding his feelings.

Jake Peralta, is _finally_ going to be open and honest about his feelings to Amy Santiago.

...okay maybe not _completely_. Because the complete and unfiltered truth would culminate in a confession something along the lines of ‘ _hi Amy I’m super insanely crazily in love with you to the point of eternal obsession, please make love to me till the day I die, and if it’s cool with you have all my babies too and also be my wife thx haha’._

So yeah, for now– Jake’s going to stick with telling Amy he likes her too, and ask to explore a... deeper relationship with her.

Bernice leaves, turning the corner on the other end of the hallway and disappearing from sight.

This is when Jake decides it’s time for him to move forward with his plan, and tell Amy the truth. He can’t help but be filled with a mind-numbing excitement, albeit one that’s slightly tinted with nervousness.

* * *

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1704 HOURS, LEAVING**

Amy throws away their empty water bottles, as well as some other miscellaneous pieces of trash she sees lying around. No way is she allowing their school to have a bad reputation for cleanliness if she can help it.

Her heart is still jumping and skipping steps from her interaction with Bernice. Lying does not empower her, because she is not Gina Linetti. Although she doesn’t regret it, Amy’s not in the most stable of moods.

Which is why she nearly gets a stroke when Jake walks through the door.

“HEY JAKE!” She stretches her hands out as if casually surprised by the situation. “ _You’re still here!”_

If her heart were skipping beats before, it’s making up for it now by pumping erratically and strenuously. She’s pretty sure she might pass out any second now.

“Yeah, I’m still here,” he smiles, and that smile basically reaffirms Amy’s feelings for him. God, she’s in trouble.

“Why?” She asks, eyes wide, voice full of accusation. Which is probably not what she should be going for.

“I came back... because I was going to ask if you wanted to take the bus home with me. But it seems I don’t need you anymore, since I apparently have a girlfriend?”

Amy stiffens completely. Fuck. “Did you see Bernice on the way here?”

Jake decides to go with that, since it’s not technically a lie. “Yeah. Funny thing is, Ames: I didn’t know I had a girlfriend at all. Who is she? Is it you?”

Amy almost protests at how unfair he’s making this situation. He can’t scare the crap out of her and then ask if she’s his girlfriend.

But at the same time, she yearns for what he’s shading her about. Amy can tell that he knows she told Bernice he had a girlfriend to get her to back off. She’s just gotten in the way of Jake and someone he probably wanted to ask out on a date.

The depth of her selfishness catches up with her now, and Amy feels ashamed that she stood in the way of Jake’s happiness.

“I’m... sorry I told her that. I did say you were allowed to flirt with anyone after the audition, and I shouldn’t have gone back on my word.” Amy straightens and moves towards the door. “I’ll go tell her the truth–“

Except Amy doesn’t get to the door. She stops short when Jake grabs her by the arm, pulling her towards him.

“No,” he tells her. “ _Stay here_.”

“Why?” Amy asks in confusion. “I thought–“

“I can flirt with whoever I want, but I don’t want to flirt with Bernice. I wanna flirt with you.”

Amy’s entire body burns at his words, his touch searing into her skin.

Only problem is, Amy’s at a loss for words.

“Wha... huh?”

Proper words.

Jake chuckles attractively at this. “Amy, I was outside the door when you were talking to Bernice. I heard everything. I _know_ you have feelings for me.”

Amy stiffens now. She can’t breathe, her lungs choked with the sinking fear that Jake’s laughing at her. He’s mocking her feelings, messing with her because it’s so funny, and she’s so silly for liking him.

“I was, I was lying to Bernice. To-to get her to back off,” Amy gulps nervously, fibbing through her teeth.

Jake nods, and for a moment Amy’s relieved to see that he believes her. Or so she thinks.

“Good, I’m glad you chased her away. Because I’m not interested in her.”

Amy can’t help but feel happy at this. She barely scraps together the restraint needed to keep from smiling.

“I mean,” Jake continues. “She knows a ton about Die Hard, and that’s super cool– but I can’t go on movie dates with her when I’d much rather be hanging out with you. I’d be thinking about you the whole time.”

Amy blushes. “I like hanging out with you too, Jake.”

Jake nearly slams his head against the wall. How is she not picking up the hints he’s dropping? He’s _clearly_ being super obvious. Damn, was he this stupid and oblivious about her feelings too?

“Okay, I don’t mean it like that. I mean I’d rather be on a date with you than Bernice. I mean I want to date you– _I want you,_ okay?”

He says this in a rather frustrated fashion, and Amy’s breathing capacity is severely compromised again.

“You... you do?”

“Amy–“ Jake continues to confess. “I like you too, okay? I have feelings– _insane_ feelings for you. I want to be with you.”

Amy just stares at him, truly incapable of coherent thought or speech now. She just gazes at him, completely in awe, amazed, in disbelief.

Jake averts his eyes, carding a hand through his hair.

“You know... my mom still works late,” he informs coquettishly.

“What does that mean?” Amy wonders with a smile, knowing exactly what he’s asking of her.

“Whatever you want it to mean,” He retorts playfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAN U BELIEVE THEY FINALLY SAID IT AFTER 100k WORDS WOW OKAY THIS TRULY WAS A SLOW BURN 
> 
> y’all: sweat nervously bc there’s 16 chapters left
> 
> Yes there are now 30 chapters in total instead of 25, bc chapters 15, 16, 17 are too long and need to be split up 
> 
> ALSO YES I KIND OF INTRODUCED TWO NEW CHARACTERS LOUIE AND LUIS AMYS TWIN BROTHERS WHOM I LOVE PLS LOVE THEM TOO
> 
> lbr y’all don’t care bc Jake and Amy CONFESSED ISH 
> 
> and now y’all will have to wait for like... 9 Days bc IMMA BE IN FINLAND HAHA hel p


	15. and i’ll take you

**BUS, 1717 HOURS, EN ROUTE TO JAKE’S EMPTY HOUSE**

Jake hasn’t let go of Amy’s hand since they got on the bus. But to be fair, he’s never felt happier in his life.

He hasn’t taken his eyes off of her either– wordlessly, they left the dressing room together, giggling and prancing around like children, fingers tightly interlocked.

It’s rather ironic when you think about what they’re planning to do once they’re behind closed doors.

“Why do you keep looking at me?” Amy asks playfully, after ages of prolonged silence.

“Why do you keep looking at _me?_ ” Jake retorts back, just as playfully which makes Amy giggle.

“Because I think you’re cute,” Amy flirts, because she can do that openly now, because she’s allowed to do that without fear.

Jake’s face is consumed with affection immediately and he fails to stop himself from swooping down and kissing Amy yet again. She reciprocates with fervor, arms encircling his back, fingers crumpling his shirt. He’s in a state of complete euphoria, and he can’t believe he gets to indulge in Amy’s lips so freely.

Well. When he thinks about it (he doesn’t even have to think that hard actually), Jake’s gotten to indulge in Amy’s kisses very freely for a long time now. They’ve just never discussed exactly why they were so willing to kiss each other for no good reason at all.

He laughs against her lips, and she pulls away, arms still holding him close as she gives him perplexing doe eyes.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m an idiot. And _you’re_ an idiot. We’re both idiots. Like, the biggest idiots ever.”

Amy doesn’t know exactly what Jake’s referring to, but she chortles along with him because his laughter is so addictive.

“This has got to be like, the _millionth_ time we’ve kissed,” Jake explains, fiddling with Amy’s hair. Every inch of her is just so ridiculously pretty, right down to the way her locks curl around his fingers.

“Yeah, and we never stopped to think that maybe it had something to do with feelings,” Amy shakes her head. “I don’t care though. We both know now.”

Jake’s heart overflows with fondness and he leans in to kiss Amy again, only for her to dodge his lips. He’s immediately struck with confusion and sinking dread. Any second now, Amy’s going to reveal that this was one huge prank and she’ll start laughing at him for so easily falling for it.

She doesn’t do that, however, which is a huge relief.

“Jake, as much as I want you right now– I think we should calm down for a bit. People are starting to stare at us.”

Jake snorts, looking around the mostly empty bus. “Oh right, because the opinions of the bus driver, a snoring stoner, an old lady who’s more likely to offer us butterscotch candy than judge us, and a home– _oh wait._ That dude’s looking at us weird.”

“Mhmm,” Amy agrees, glad Jake sees her point.

“He keeps moving all funny too– _oh my god_ is he jerking off?”

Amy nods as Jake peers at her, completely frightened.

“I don’t want him to hear us talking about him like this,” Amy whispers. “But he’s freaking me out.”

“We need to get off this bus.”

“ _Yes please,”_ Amy agrees readily.

 

* * *

 

**BUS STOP, 1727 HOURS, SAFE FROM BUS PERVERT**

“God, that guy was a pervert,” Jake exasperates as they watch the bus drive off, the look of disappointment on the weirdo’s face when they got off the bus etched in his mind.

“I’m just glad he didn’t follow us,” Amy points out in relief, and Jake’s eyes widen because he failed to consider that.

“Oh my god, you’re totally right! I should’ve been way more scared,” he awkwardly reflects.

“It’s okay, it’s over. The question now is: how do we get home? Should we wait for the next bus?”

“And let some _other_ pervert get off while staring creepily at us?” Jake sighs. “We’re too pretty, Ames. Taking the bus on our own is bad enough, but now that we’re together our super hot sexual tension’s attracting all sorts of gross dudes. No, _people_. Women can be gross perverts preying on barely legal teens too. _#ImWithHer_.”

Amy has to cover her face when she laughs at this because Jake is hysterical and she can’t pinpoint exactly what it was he said that’s making her laugh this hard but she doesn’t care.

“Our _super hot_ sexual tension?” Amy repeats in a skeptical tone but she can’t stop laughing and Jake’s just looking at her and laughing too.

“Can’t say it’s not there, Ames,” he smirks, actually proving this point by holding her close, sliding his arm around her back.

“You’re right,” Amy notes in a charming manner. “This sexual tension’s _compromising_ our safety... we should put an end to it quickly.”

Jake gulps, eyeing her hungrily. “We could take a cab.”

“I don’t think I have enough money on me,” Amy deflates in disappointment.

Jake responds to this by reaching into his pocket and revealing a wad of cash to Amy.

“Jake, where did you get so much money?” She demands. Although, the words ‘so much’ with reference to Jake’s current state of wealth are relative in nature. Jake just hardly ever has a substantial amount of cash on hand. “Did you _rob_ someone?”

“ _What?_ ” Jake sputters. “Of course I didn’t rob someone– I brought all the money I had lying around so I could pay for my post-audition feast.”

“Right. All those pizza bagels that you would not quit talking about,” Amy recalls with mild resentment.

“Well those pizza bagels will have to wait for another time, because I’m blowing all this cash on a cab ride straight to my place,” he winks.

“You’re spending your food money on me?” Amy says in disbelief. “But Jake, you’ve been thinking about those pizza bagels all day! You’re starving!”

“Well... I’m hungry for something else right now.” Jake stretches his hand out and starts flagging down a cab. “Besides, I’ve been thinking about you way longer than some stupid pizza bagels.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S ROOM, 1806 HOURS, MAKING OUT AGAINST JAKE’S CLOSET**

Things are a blur from the moment Jake and Amy race out the cab to get into Jake’s house. When they weren’t busy flirting and touching each other in the backseat of a thankfully not disgusting cab, they were preparing for this– five minutes before arriving at their destination had Amy asking Jake to get his key out from his wallet.

The last thing Amy felt before Jake’s lips slammed against hers was Jake slamming her against his closet door. She’s not complaining, because Jake’s kiss is the first drop of rain preceded by a harsh drought.

But Amy wants a thunderstorm.

“Jake–“ Amy murmurs as she slows down the kiss.

“Hmm?” Jake lazily responds, too busy tracing Amy’s entire face with his lips.

“As much as I like kissing you...” Amy asks more clearly once his lips travel down to her neck. She nearly stops talking altogether when he starts sucking playfully on her skin. “Don’t you think we’ve done enough kissing?”

She hopes the message gets through to him, spelling what she actually wants out feels like an embarrassing prospect.

Jake chuckles against her neck and Amy has to bite her lip to keep from moaning. The sensation of Jake’s body pressed against her, his lips and teeth mercilessly attacking her like they’ve never freely done before is almost too much to handle. But Amy still wants more.

Jake detaches himself from Amy and smiles slyly at her. “Oh Amy– there can never be too much kissing.”

Before she can protest or agree or even process his words, Jake sinks to his knees and the meaning behind his words hits Amy all at once.

His hands reach for her zipper, briefly looking up at her for confirmation to which Amy nods readily. This has been a long time coming, and she nearly shakes with want because _dear god_ does she want his mouth in between her legs.

Driven by a similar want and pulsating need, Jake undoes the button of Amy’s jeans and yanks down the zip with such force and urgency that Amy nearly worries she won’t be able to pull it back up.

Jake’s hands reach to pull down Amy’s jeans when they hear the offending sound of a phone ringing– prompting a deep sigh of frustration from Jake as Amy retrieves it from her pocket.

“Is it okay if I–“ she points to her phone sheepishly.

“Yeah, uh, go ahead...” Jake awkwardly gestures, lips tightly pursed. “I’ll just– wait here. On my knees.”

Amy answers the phone without another word.

“Hey Kylie...” Amy starts off with a hint of guilt in her voice, which gets Jake grinning. Amy had completely forgotten about her best friend visiting her. But to be fair, so did Jake.

Armed with the knowledge that a phone call with Kylie is largely inconsequential, Jake decides he no longer wants to wait. He yanks down Amy’s jeans, leaving her half-naked, and proceeds to lace small kisses on her bare thighs.

“Girl, where are you? I got here like an hour–“

Kylie gets interrupted when a violent yelp emits from Amy’s lips. This reaction is involuntary, and has everything to do with Jake’s lips– currently wrapped around and sucking hard on her labia.

This sudden move attacks Amy’s entire system; relentless white-hot pleasure spreads and surges through her body. It’s quite possibly the most amazing sensation Amy has ever felt in her life– but she’s on the phone and can’t properly enjoy it.

Kylie sounds very concerned on the other end.

“Are you okay? That sounded rough.”

“Uh, I uh, tripped,” Amy lies, but is thankfully believed.

The frustrating thing about this whole situation is how Jake actually smiles against her clit at her fibbing– it is entirely his fault and he’s proud of that fact.

What’s even more frustrating, is that Amy knows she can stop Jake any time she wants– yet isn’t making any effort to do so. In other words, she’s bringing this on herself.

He feels far too good for her to ever want it to stop, no matter how torturous a situation it is.

“Oh god, please watch your step– you don’t want to get another leg injury and forced into another acting hiatus, do you?”

Thankfully, Kylie has nothing to worry about. Amy’s legs are perfectly fine– it’s what’s _between_ her legs that is an issue.

“I’m good– just walking home now.”

Amy bites hard on her lip after she finishes speaking, because Jake’s tongue starts to traverse along her wet folds and it’s so painfully good that she’s not sure whether to shriek or pass out.

“Okay, that’s great. I’ve been here for an hour, and your mom’s starting to ask where you are too. How far away–“

“I’m on my– AH!” Jake speeds up his assault against Amy’s throbbing clit and he very successfully drives Amy towards her climax. “I’M COMING!”

“Okay chill, I get the message. No need to yell, I just miss you.”

Amy pants arduously in response, whilst Jake stifles a laugh against her still very sensitive crotch, his teeth biting her and riling her senses up again. Amy decides that it’s time to end her misery, now regretting taking Kylie’s call at all.

“Sorry, I just tripped again,” Amy continues to lie. “See you soon, bye!”

Amy hangs up the phone without waiting for Kylie’s response, blatantly ignoring the cocky look on Jake’s face as she pulls her jeans back up.

“I hate you,” she spits, but Jake only laughs.

“Sorry– I didn’t expect to be _that_ good at eating you out,” he winks, and Amy wants to hit him but she also wants him to put his stupidly talented lips against her again.

“Yeah, that attitude isn’t helping, Jake.”

“It’s helping me; you’re so hot when you’re mean–“ Jake starts kissing her neck again, and she exhales reluctantly as she pulls him away.

“Jake, I have to go. Didn’t you hear what I said on the phone?”

Jake’s lips spread wide in the way he always gets right before he’s about to do or say something incredibly immature. “Do you want me to repeat what you said?”

“No.” She swallows hard. “But we do need to take a raincheck on... this.”

Jake’s expression sours instantly at this. “But... but–“

“I’m sorry, Jake. My mom’s wondering where I am too. I can’t let her find out I was here.”

“But... _sex_.”

He looks so disappointed– like a child that just found out Christmas was cancelled because Santa got mangled by his reindeers. Because the reindeers ate all the Halloween candy. And the Halloween candy was poisoned by leprechauns on St. Patrick’s Day.

In other words, he looks upset in an eerily innocent manner.

“Jake, I know...” she presses a kiss against Jake’s lips in hopes of cheering him up, but it backfires because he looks even more upset now.

Like a kid who just found out that they stopped making candy forever. Because really, it’s mostly manufactured sugar. And also that Santa isn’t real. Which is somehow an even bigger bummer than his torturous death.

And yes, these analogies for Jake’s feelings are incredibly inappropriate, given the incredibly inappropriate nature of Jake and Amy’s most recent activities, but they also happen to be very accurate.

“Don’t go,” he pleads futilely. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t want to leave either,” Amy’s eyes glance down at Jake’s arousal and she sighs longingly. “Believe me, I–“

The glint in Jake’s eyes darkens and blackens as a thought quickly surfaces to the forefront of his mind.

His hand reaches into Amy’s jeans, sliding between her slick folds. Amy quickly takes a liking to the rough texture of his fingers; they are thicker than her own, warmer than her own.

Jake’s eyes lock onto her, unyielding and almost cunning. Her heart races in anticipation and she refuses to let her eyes leave his face.

“Jake?”

“You can leave, Amy. I’ll happily let you go after I watch you come.”

Air evacuates Amy’s lungs instantaneously at his words and only a vacuum is left, threatening to suffocate her.

He moves quickly, rubbing against Amy’s still very sensitive clit, and she’s forced to shut her eyes from the waves of powerful sensations that overtake her. She never wants Jake’s fingers to leave her body.

Because he touches her so rough and fast, Amy feels her climax approaching much sooner than if she were to use her own fingers.

“Jake, I’m... clo–“

Informing him of her impending orgasm (her intention had been to make him go harder) is a huge mistake.

The second Jake realizes Amy’s about to come, he removes his fingers at the speed of light, even cracking his knuckles to make a show of his withdrawal.

Amy’s eyes fly open in a lust-clouded rage. “Jake, I haven’t–“

“I know,” he acknowledges with a curt nod. She wants to strangle him for doing this, wants to wipe that full-of-himself smirk off his face.

“But– but you said–“

“What did I say, Amy?”

“You said you’d happily let me leave after I came. That hasn’t _happened_ yet, Jake,” Amy reminds, word for word. She’s very much enraged at the moment, even considers fighting Jake and kicking his ass for doing this to her.

“Hmm,” Jake shrugs nonchalantly, like he didn’t just commit the worst crime ever in the world to ever crime. “Guess I’ll have to settle for _un_ happily watching you leave.”

Amy buttons her jeans in a huff. It’s a very poor power move. “Fine! Then I’m leaving!”

Jake opens the door for her, leading the way out. “Be my guest. Or don’t, since you’re leaving.”

Amy fumes on the spot, trying to think of one last vengeful/petty move to make before she leaves, but her arousal is distracting and really, she wants to hop under the covers with Jake more than she wants to hurt him.

Ideally, she’d do both, but she can’t think of the right move and settles on leaving in a huff.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S ROOM, 1837 HOURS, SLAMMING THE DOOR**

“Woah!” Kylie flinches as Amy barges into the room in a fury. “What the hell is happening?”

“ _Jake Peralta_ is what’s happening!” Amy seethes, grabbing the nearest cushion and tugging hard on it as she stomps around the room.

“Uh... Didn’t you trip like, twice, on the way here? You look perfectly fine,” Kylie observes, choosing not to tackle the Jake thing first. She assumes that Jake just did something to annoy Amy again, like take off his shirt, or flirt with her, or... _exist_.

Amy’s crush on Jake has manifested in strange ways, and Kylie’s had front row seats for it all.

“I lied, Kylie! I was with Jake, and he was eating me out–“

“Woah woah woah–“ Kylie interrupts, in complete and total shock. “Back up a little there. What happened? Was Jake giving you head while we were on the phone?”

Amy deflates in mild embarrassment at the thought. “He... he was. But that’s–“

“OH MY GOD?” Kylie covers her mouth with her hands, looking scandalized. “Amy!”

“I know, I’m sorry–“

“That’s _amazing_!” Kylie clenches her fists in glee. “Man, I just wish I had recorded that call. Ooh, the government spies on us, right? Maybe the CIA has an audio clip–“

“Kylie!”

“Right, not the point right now. Okay so, if he was giving you oral, which given the context of the noises you were making which I now understand was fantastic, then why are you mad at him?”

Amy huffs. “It’s exactly that. He got pissed because I had to leave so he tricked me.”

“Tricked you?” Kylie narrows her eyes skeptically. “How?”

Amy crosses her arms, bitterly recalling the flow of events. “He started... touching me.”

“Fingering you.”

“Yes,” Amy inhales deeply. “And right as I was about to...”

“Come? Oh my god, he stopped?!”

“YES!”

Kylie starts laughing her head off, to Amy’s chagrin.

“Kylie, it’s not funny! I’m still all... jittery.”

Kylie bites hard on her lip, still smiling disconcertingly. “I have to say, he played it good. Amazing power move right there, Jake Peralta.”

“You’re on _his_ side? Hey, the only reason I left was because you called!”

Kylie stands up indignantly. “You’re blaming me now? Hey, you could’ve easily told me to cover for you, and you’re an idiot for not doing that!”

Amy gasps. “Kylie!”

“Yeah, Amy– you could have been having _sex!_ Who cares about me?”

Just then, they hear Amy’s mother call everyone down for dinner.

“We’ll continue this after we eat because I’m starving. But girl, I’m gonna need to teach you about priorities.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1845 HOURS, DINNER TIME**

“Amy, how was your audition today?” Camila asks as she places a piece of roast chicken on Amy’s plate.

“It went really good, I think we’re definitely going to get into the finals,” Amy effuses proudly.

“Yeah, Amy felt really good after the audition–“ Kylie continues pointedly, winking at Amy, which grinds her gears to no end.

“Right,” Amy grits. “Because of how well the audition went.”

“Yes, the audition that went well because of your _chemistry_ with Jake,” Kylie tacks on again, with an added eyebrow raise this time.

“ _Acting_ chemistry,” Amy emphasizes.

“Right, one of the _many_ chemistries the two of you share.”

“Speaking of Jake–“ Mrs Santiago interrupts. “Why isn’t he here? You should have brought him over.”

“Jake already ate,” Kylie lies, winking at Amy, causing her to choke.

“Amy, are you alright?” Mrs Santiago pats Amy on the back.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Oh, you ask that _now_ when Amy chokes?” Diego complains. “Where was this maternal concern when I choked five minutes ago?”

“You choked because you ate too fast, Diego,” Amy reminds.

“Oh yeah, what about when _I_ choked?” Louie complains.

“When did you choke?” Luis asks.

“Five months ago, but I guess no one cares about that!”

“Didn’t you also choke five days ago?” Luis reminds Louie.

“Oh right, forgot about that. Wait a minute... that was you!”

Luis shrugs. “My bad. We look exactly the same. Half the things I remember are your memories. Maybe we should stop wearing the exact same outfit everyday.”

“ _Or_ – we could just coordinate our eating patterns so that we choke at the same time from now on.”

“Yeah, that’s way better!”

 

* * *

**AMY’S ROOM, 1939 HOURS, RETURNING FROM DINNER**

“I’m sorry Leo tried to convince you to buy insurance from him. I think they learned that word at school today. Either that or someone convinced him selling insurance is a viable occupation for fourth graders to undertake,” Amy apologizes.

Kylie shakes her head. “Nah, I didn’t care about that. Kid has potential, but not the point right now. It’s time to talk about you and Jake.”

Amy groans, collapsing on one of her desk chairs. “Honestly, screw him. _Not like that–_ “ Amy emphasizes when she sees Kylie about to comment. “He’s a jerk. A mean, _overconfident_ –“

Kylie glances over at Amy’s phone, currently charging on her bedside drawer. “He sent you 69 messages.”

“Wait, what? Kylie, don’t mess with me.”

Kylie picks Amy’s phone up and smiles. “No, I’m not even kidding! This is either a fantastic coincidence or something he carefully planned.”

“Could be either one. Jake’s very immature, but he also hates counting.”

Kylie snorts when she unlocks Amy’s phone. “I don’t think Jake’s actions were as devious as you say. Here, I’ll read out his texts to you.”

**_ABORT ABORT ABORT_ **

**_IM SORRY I FUCKED UP COME BACK_ **

**_gdi u arent even reading these_ **

**_r u still mad_ **

**_okay yeah that was a dumb question_ **

**_im sorry for making ya mad_ **

**_pls still have sex with me_ **

**_like right now_ **

“How is that even possible?” Amy interrupts, although her anger is visually subdued.

**_teleport here_ **

**_ur super smart you should know how to invent teleportation_ **

Amy blushes, pursing her lips. “Why does he always do this...”

“Because he’s disgustingly in love with you. Like really, I can feel the desperation radiating through this phone,” Kylie reasons with only mild disgust.

**_ur also super hot_ **

**_and beautiful_ **

**_god ur amazing_ **

**_pls have sex with me_ **

“See my point?” Kylie gestures to the phone, but Amy only smiles wistfully.

“Continue,” she drawls.

**_crap I feel like i said that already_ **

**_yup just scrolled up i already said that_ **

**_COME BACK_ **

**_where r u_ **

**_are u having dinner_ **

**_should i have dinner too_ **

**_oh wait I spent all my money on that cab_ **

**_was that a mistake_ **

**_do i make bad choices_ **

**_nvm ur still mad ud def say yes_ **

**_if you were here_ **

**_i miss you_ **

“Oh god,” Amy croaks in pain. “He really said that?”

“Yeah,” Kylie affirms. “Dude has no chill.” She smiles at Amy, who’s clearly affected. “And apparently, neither do you?”

**_ur so cute_ **

**_just wanna see ur face_ **

**_think i need a cold shower_ **

**_bc i keep thinking of u_ **

**_i mean not like the shower will help_ **

**_okay back from shower_ **

**_it was a hot shower_ **

**_wink wink_ **

**_if ya know what i mean_ **

**_anyway im hungry now_ **

**_for u_ **

**_and also for food_ **

**_i cant have pizza so im makin ramen_ **

**_WHICH YOU CANT HAVE_ **

**_kiddong ill make u as much ramen as you want_ **

**_just come back_ **

**_Amy Santiago >>>>> ramen_ **

**_dang this ramrn smels good tho_ **

**_nvm i still prefr u_ **

**_ill suck ur noodle any day_ **

**_okay just realized that line would only work if u hve a penis_ **

**_which u do not as ive seen ;) ;)_ **

**_you can totally use that line on me tho_ **

**_i wont even b mad_ **

**_pls suck on my noodle_ **

**_illl suck on ur meatball_ **

**_okay nvm that only works if u have tsticles_ **

**_my bad sorry_ **

**_meatball can work as boobs but i havent seen ur booobs_ **

**_that being said can i see ur boobs_ **

**_Please_ **

**_see i have manners_ **

**_you like manners right_ **

_**anyway look what ur missing out on** _

_**IMG_6969.png** _

“And he sent a picture,” Kylie’s eyes widen curiously. “Woah.”

“Oh my god–“ Amy gets up from her chair in a whirlwind. “Did he send a picture of his... you know...”

Kylie hands the phone over. “Yup.”

Amy grabs the phone in a laughably enthusiastic manner, only to be crestfallen when she sees the picture Jake sent.

“Kylie! This isn’t a dick pic, this is just ramen!” Amy complains, to Kylie’s amusement.

“When did I say it was a dick pic? I was just amazed by the ramen. It looks so good.”

“I hate you.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe this. You _wanted_ him to send a picture of his penis? Girl–“

“I don’t know!” Amy huffs in frustration. “I blame his jeans.”

“Ooh...” Kylie rubs her hands together. “Was someone packing? You saw a huge bulge, huh?”

“Well I can’t tell you anything about that because he didn’t send me– forget it.”

Kylie takes Amy’s phone back. “Anyway, back to my dramatic live reading of his clingy ass texts. I gotta say, it’s kinda fun.”

**_fun fact: if u sprinkle some uncooked noodles on top of the ramen it gives u this extra crispy bonus_ **

**_yes i am a chef_ **

**_okay fine sometimes i dont cook the noodles long enough and theyre too hard and sometimes i cook them for too long and they get sogy and gross_ **

**_also i cant boil eggs just throwing it out there_ **

**_okay so im not a chef_ **

**_ur mom cooks way better than me_ **

**_smh i shouldve came home with you_ **

**_why didnt i think of that??????_ **

Kylie looks up from Amy’s phone. “You know, he’s right. He could’ve just came over for dinner here with you. Didn’t your mom say he was welcome at any time?”

Amy sighs, hating herself. “I know, I know. We’re both idiots.”

“Yes, _you especially,_ because there’s a solution to this problem you’re not seeing.”

“What solution?”

“Just sneak out!” Kylie exasperates, walking over to Amy’s window. “There’s a fire escape right here, girl. We’ve snuck out so many times.”

“Once, Kylie. We snuck out once.” Amy reminds. “And that was only part of a simulation exercise in the event of an actual fire.”

Said simulation exercise was conducted by Amy’s oldest brother, a firefighter who insisted on the installation of the fire escape. He’s not very important though, so feel free to forget about him.

“Yeah, I still don’t know why I was there. Regardless, you should totally sneak out and see Jake!”

Amy looks very hesitant, because she is feeling very hesitant. “I don’t know... that fire escape’s meant for emergencies only, Kylie.”

“THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!” Kylie exclaims, gesticulating wildly. “A _sex_ emergency, which is the best kind.”

Amy covers her face with both her hands. “God, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay, I’m sneaking out.”

Amy moves towards the window, only to be stopped by Kylie.

“Wait! Don’t go.”

“What?” Amy rasps in confusion. “Do you want me to leave or not? Make up your mind.”

“I meant don’t go _yet_. Not while you’re wearing _that_.”

Amy frowns, looking down to examine her clothes for food stains. There are none. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing? This is what I always wear.”

“Exactly,” Kylie says pointedly. “That’s what you wear _every day_ to school. Now, I know Jake would sell his soul to sleep with you even if you showed up wearing a trash bag, but what we need is to get that boy on his knees, _begging_.”

Amy smirks to herself. “Well, he was already kneeling just now when–“

“Oh my god. Right. But you get what I’m saying, right? We want to blow his mind here. So sensible blouse and rip-free jeans ain’t gonna cut it this time.”

Amy sighs, rolling her eyes. “You just want me to wear the lingerie you got me for my birthday, don’t you?”

Kylie claps her hands in jubilation. “YES! That’s exactly what I want.”

“Come on, Kylie! That thing’s embarrassing,” Amy whines abashedly.

“It’s meant to be _sexy_ , Amy. So that people– Jake in this case– will have _sex_ with you.”

“He’s going to laugh at me!”

“If he laughs, it’s only because he’s going insane from how hot you’re gonna look. Or it’s laughter, _followed_ by tears of joy because his sick dreams about you will come true. Either way, he’s sending me a fruit basket.”

Amy sighs, relenting and digging through her closet for where she’s hidden the offensive set of underwear.

 

* * *

 

**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 2042 HOURS, EN ROUTE TO JAKE’S HOUSE**

Amy sighs as she shambles quietly down the pavement, dressed in a skirt she hardly ever wears, a blouse (that Kylie let her keep on, with the top few buttons undone), and frilly black underwear beneath her clothes. She’s pretty sure there’s some lace going on in there, a few tiny bows that she feels are misplaced. It’s not a very utilitarian set of undergarments.

Trying to distract herself, and also because she can’t stand not talking to him any longer, Amy whips her phone out and starts replying to Jake’s texts.

**_Hey, sorry for the late reply, I was having dinner earlier._ **

Jake’s response follows almost instantaneously.

**_OH THANK GOD_ **

**_I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME_ **

**_wait do you_ **

**_r u still mad_ **

**_pls forgive me_ **

**_ill let u come all u want next time_ **

Amy blushes as she looks at her phone screen. Unbeknownst to Jake, ‘next time’ is coming very very soon.

**_Oh, I’m not mad anymore._ **

 

* * *

 

**_rlly??? YES_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Because Kylie took care of the problem you gave me._ **

Amy laughs when she sees Jake typing, then stopping. Then typing again, over and over, clearly taking a much longer time to reply than necessary.

**_ur messing with me right_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Am I? ;)_ **

 

* * *

 

**_pls don’t cheat on me i get very jealous_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Cheat on you? I didn’t cheat on you. There’s nothing to cheat on, Jake._ **

 

* * *

 

**_but I thought you liked me :(_ **

 

* * *

 

**_And I do._ **

 

* * *

 

**_:D so that means you didn do it with Kylie????_ **

 

* * *

 

**_What does me liking you have to do with that?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_no idea but Kylie if ur there I CALL DIBS ON SEX WITH AMY SO NO SLEEPING WITH HER UNTIL I GET TO_ **

**_i mean amy can do whatever she wants but if she sleeps with u or someone who s not me my heart will break and i will cry and hearts r expensive so i rlly dont wanna get a new one pls be a homie_ **

Amy chuckles to herself. Kylie isn’t with her at the moment, obviously. She’s currently in Amy’s room by herself, keeping the door locked and the lights shut off to make it seem like they went to bed early.

**_Kylie said she’s not going to sleep with me because she feels bad for you._ **

 

* * *

**_YES THANK YOU KYLIE_ **

**_for realz tho i really miss u_ **

**_by u i mesn amy not kyloe_ **

**_like not even for sex reasons_ **

**_just miss bein with u_ **

Amy’s pulse races at Jake’s words. He’s not even here and she’s still blushing because of him.

**_I miss you too, Jake._ **

 

* * *

 

**_UGH_ **

 

* * *

 

**_What?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_mom just texted to say that she’s not coming home tonight??_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Oh no, are you okay?_ **

 

* * *

**_huh yeah im cool. just pissed bc i have an empty house all to myself all night but ur not here so whats the gd point ya kno_ **

Amy’s smile grows wider at the prospect of an empty house. Just her, and Jake, with no one to interrupt them all night long. And Jake has no idea too– he’s in for a real treat.

**_IMG_7175.png_ **

Jake sends a picture of himself– and no, it’s not a picture of his penis, but a picture of Jake. His hand gestures to the characteristically empty house, and he frowns peevishly at the camera.

Amy stops walking because she’s captured by how illegally cute Jake looks in the picture. He’s definitely doing it on purpose.

**_If you’re trying to tempt me into coming over it’s not working, Jake._ **

 

* * *

 

**_I KNOW I KNOW UR WITH UR BEST FRIEND FIVE EVER KYLIE BLONDE CHICKS OVER LONG DICKS I GET IT_ **

Amy nearly drops her phone when she reads Jake’s text. He’s so incredibly ridiculous; she can barely stand him. However, her footsteps unwittingly quicken their pace.

**_JAKE DID YOU JUST_ **

 

* * *

 

**_omg amy chill there’s no need for caps god why so aggressive_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I_ ** **_hate you._ **

 

* * *

 

**_that makes one of us :(_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Don’t make me feel bad with that emoticon!! I know you’re not actually sad!_ **

 

* * *

 

**_:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :’( :(_ **

**_@god why does amy hate me all i did was be my amazing self i cant help that im cute about everything_ **

 

* * *

 

**_That’s... literally why but I take back what I said about hating you is that better?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_yes :) #blessed_ **

Amy rolls her eyes, then realizes that she’s walked ten steps away from Jake’s front door. She got so carried away with talking to Jake she forgot all about seeing him altogether. Of course, seeing him is the current priority, so Amy walks up the stoop and presses the doorbell.

**_someone just rang the doorbell_ **

Amy rolls her eyes. “It’s me, you idiot,” she smiles at her phone.

**_You should answer the door then._ **

 

* * *

 

**_but i wanna talk to you :(_ **

Amy audibly groans because of the cold and her impatience, but her insides crumble at the vulnerable sincerity and tenderness of Jake’s words. Which further frustrates her because she wants to see Jake even more badly now.

**_I’m not going anywhere, Jake. You should answer the door._ **

 

* * *

 

**_hmmmmm yeah ur right could be something good i did order some new sneakers yesterday_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I don’t think online delivery for sneakers is that fast, Jake. But I could be wrong._ **

She’s not wrong, unless Amy’s magically transformed into a pair of sneakers in the last ten seconds.

**_oh god ur right im scared now what if its a sexual predator like a raccoon who wants to make love to me i dont like raccoons like that ames i only like u plus i dont want to ruin my friendshup with the raccoons amy can u tell the racooons i just wanna be friends_ **

Amy sighs. She tentatively glances around the vicinity though, and there are no raccoons in sight.

**_Jake, I assure you there are no raccoons outside your door. It’s rude to leave the door unanswered when you’re home._ **

 

* * *

 

**_right ur super polite okay ill answer the door but im only doing this for you!! if thers a raccon outside im suing_ **

Amy finally hears footsteps approaching the door and she pockets her phone in eagerness, quickly fixing her hair until the door clicks open.

Jake’s stunned to see Amy, and his eyes pine for her so painfully she might as well be his long-lost but never forgotten lover who was torn away painfully from him all his life.

In reality, they’ve only been separated for a few hours at most. But the sentiment remains.

“ _Surprise_ ,” Amy grins coquettishly, and her one word seems to be confirmation for Jake that this is all real, and not just some pipe dream or crazy hallucination, because he swoops down to kiss her like clockwork.

As far as she’s concerned, Amy hasn’t died yet; but she’s already in heaven.

Heaven, in this case, is Jake’s arms hoisting her up, pulling her legs around his waist in a desperate need to hold her close as he kisses her.

Heaven is the way he hums so contentedly, handles her so gently, but then kicks the door shut behind them so hard it shakes.

Heaven is the warmth she feels, not just from Jake’s touch, but also from the way her heart burns because there’s no other place she’d rather be at the moment, no other person she’d rather kiss.

Jake moans against Amy’s pliant lips, and as he carries her in his dependable arms, staggering desperately towards his room, religion ceases to have any meaning in Amy’s mind.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 2118 HOURS, CRASH LANDING ON JAKE’S NEW MATTRESS**

“Ooh, you got a new one?” Amy observes as she bounces lightly on the comfortable mattress, miles better than Jake’s old bed.

Needless to say, her back’s looking forward to being pressed against this thing all night.

“Yeah,” Jake remarks, clearly distracted by something else. “I sleep like a baby now– _are you wearing a skirt?”_

Amy blushes instantly. She did not intend for her state of dress to be such a conversational starter this early into the night.

“Yeah, why?”

“Oh my god,” Jake rasps, clearly more blown away by this than he needs to be. “Amy Santiago’s in a _skirt_.”

Amy’s face continues to burn with a harsh heat. “Jake, I’m literally about to have sex with you– is the fact that I’m wearing a skirt so important?”

“Yes,” Jake slides his hand on the skirt, completely fascinated. Amy’s about to ask Jake if he likes the skirt more than her when that very hand slides up her skirt, slowly and torturously grazing her inner thigh.

Amy loves this skirt now. For reasons that will go unexplained, this is now her favorite skirt, until the end of eternity.

“Jake...” Amy shuts her eyes, and it’s no longer just her face that’s heating up. She wants Jake to stop teasing her, but that’s never happening. He’s spent more than half his life teasing her, and leopards don’t change their spots.

“You look _so_ pretty in this skirt, Ames. You’re always so pretty, it drives me crazy.”

Amy attempts to accustom herself to Jake’s touch (‘attempts’ being the key word here).

“Have you really never seen me in a skirt before?” She asks, chest heaving and tightening. She skirts (haha) away from Jake and his devilish hands, smirking proudly at the petulant look on his face as he crawls onto bed in pursuit of her.

“Do you remember wearing anything to school that wasn’t jeans or a pantsuit?” Jake accurately reminds, having a very valid point.

Amy doesn’t tend to wear clothes that get in the way of her learning process at school. Even as an article of clothing to stay cool, skirts have no meaning to the perpetually cold Amy.

“You seem really sure about that. Are you keeping track of my school attire?” Amy teases, which doesn’t faze Jake at all.

“I mean, it’s pretty hard to check you out without seeing what’s covering your ass,” he admits, and Amy’s heart starts racing again. How long has he been doing that? How did she never notice?

“Well, um.” She takes a deep breath. “You’ve seen me in dresses. For theatre.”

“Yes, I have.” Jake’s eyes consistently trail over Amy’s body, and his gaze, the lascivious way he traces her, is ever so desirable. “You look gorgeous in dresses but I’ve never seen you in anything that cuts off halfway down your thighs like this.”

His hand slides up her skirt again, this time going straight for her panties, gently stroking her clothed arousal when he freezes.

Amy simpers haughtily at his confusion. “What’s wrong, Jake?”

“What are you wearing?” He asks carefully. She knows he probably expected to feel cotton, something soft, basically the underwear she was sporting earlier in the evening.

And now he’s suspicious about the... _whatever_ material that Amy’s lingerie is made of. She’s not sure herself.

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Amy winks, and Jake’s hands charge to her blouse, unbuttoning them with a riveting motivation.

Jake’s eyes fall wide open in appreciation, his following intake of oxygen spiking his windpipe at the sight of Amy.

“Holy shit, Ames.” He proceeds to push her skirt up (he appears to want Amy to keep that on) and seems very satisfied to see the matching set.

“Fuck... seriously, fuck me,” Jake curses as he traces the fabric covering Amy’s pelvis.

“Isn’t that the plan?” Amy jibes playfully, and despite his hankering for her flesh, he cracks an adoring smile at her and proceeds to align his lips with her cleavage.

“What the hell did I do in my past life to deserve you like this?” He asks, pressed tightly against her, and letting Amy know how much she’s wanted at the moment.

“Maybe you stopped an assassination,” she jokes. “Or a terrorist attack.”

“Not good enough,” he retorts. “Still not good enough to be in bed with you.”

“So I guess that means you like my new clothes?” Amy asks rhetorically.

“Yes,” Jake answers anyway, reaching underneath her back. “I like them so much, I’m taking them off.”

He unhooks her bra as he concludes that sentence, prying the pretty but offending article of clothing off the real treasures.

Amy is momentarily hesitant about this, but the moment Jake sees her bare chest for the first time, and the succeeding groan that follows only serves to make her certain that she wants Jake to see every inch of her body.

And as Jake grasps the nape of his shirt and tugs it off, Amy knows she wants more than anything to see every inch of him too.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 2158 HOURS, POST OF THE FRICK AND FRACK (ROUND ONE)**

“Oh my god,” Jake pants as he rolls off, landing next to Amy, who’s just as dazzled as he is. “This is the best day of my life.”

This thought resonates with Amy, but she questions him anyway. “Are you sure it’s not the day you discovered Die Hard?”

She poses this question in a light-hearted manner, facing Jake as she props her head up with an elbow.

“No,” he says with a distracted conviction as his eyes trail to Amy’s breasts, which are not covered because Amy’s not on television. “Die Hard can burn in hell.”

Bashfully, Amy grabs ahold of Jake’s covers and hides her chest from view, which upsets Jake.

“You’re just saying that,” Amy continues conversationally, but also finds herself eyeing Jake’s body as she talks. They are both equally shameless, she presumes.

And equally petty, which she discovers as Jake hides himself up to the neck with his covers as well, having caught Amy ogling him.

“What’s not to love about today?” He says jovially. “We nailed the audition, I got to nail you...”

Amy instinctively hits Jake on the arm (which is covered by his stupid blanket, as is his other arm), yet can’t help but laugh at his horrid pun.

“Okay but for realz...” Jake trails off, a splash of insecurity in his voice. “Should we talk about this?”

“Talk about what?”

Jake shrugs. “Like... what does this mean? Are we a thing now?”

Amy hesitates. Since she started crushing on Jake, all she could think about was how badly she wanted him, and how badly she wanted him to want her. But now that she has him in the palm of her hand, she’s... scared. “I don’t know. I mean... I know I really like you–“

“Same here.”

“And...” Amy feels herself heat up at what she’s about to say. “I know I like having sex with you.”

“Mm, heck yeah,” Jake raises his arm up, and Amy gives him a solid high-five.

“I just... don’t want to mess this up by moving too fast.”

“Uh...” Jake gestures to their bodies, implying that they’ve already moved... very fast.

“I mean like, relationship wise? We don’t want to jump into anything too soon, right?”

Jake purses his lips, every cell in his body disagreeing with this, but he nods in agreement.

“Right, yeah. So how do we do that?”

Amy considers this briefly. “We... don’t tell anyone about this. At least, not anyone at school. And maybe we shouldn’t, you know, put labels on it?”

Jake swallows painfully. “Yeah, cool. You’re absolutely right. No labels!”

Amy gestures at this, glad Jake shares the same view.

“Yeah, we’re not ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’–“

“We’re... _husband and wife!”_

Amy cracks up, unable to handle Jake’s jokes (funny thing is, Jake ain’t joking).

“Why, what’s wrong?” Jake chuckles lowly, unable to take his eyes off of Amy.

“Jake! Those are the most extreme labels of all time!”

Jake grins cheekily. “Really? I don’t know, I can think of more possible labels for you that are more extreme than ‘wife’.”

“Like what?”

“Hmm, I don’t know... soulmate? Love of my life? My lord and savior– oh wait no, that’s Steph Curry...”

Amy, initially on the verge of a heart attack, now snorts at Jake. He’s just messing around like always, as evidenced by the basketball reference.

“I see. You’re right, ‘Stephen Curry’ is a more intense label than ‘wife’ will ever be.”

Jake titters, leaning in closer to Amy. “Yeah, see? You get it. That being said though, if ‘holy matrimony’ was just more of this–“ he points to their bodies–“every day, I’d marry you in a second.”

Amy’s heart tightens at this, but her more rational head is unamused, and she rolls her eyes. “Jake, marriage isn’t just about sex.”

“I know,” Jake concurs, his hand sliding down Amy’s body under the covers, making her shiver to no end. “Marriage is about love–“ he kisses her shoulder blade–“and commitment...”

He inches his way up to her neck, punctuating every few words with a sloppy peck to her skin.

“It’s about being there and supporting one another...” Jake’s hand snakes its way down between Amy’s legs. “Through the good times and the bad... Waking up each morning together and falling asleep in the same bed at night...”

It’s a very confusing and strangely ironic situation, because Jake’s whispering his definition of marriage in a low, seductive voice into her ear– and he’s fingering her in at an agonizingly slow pace while he does it.

Infuriatingly, he’s telling Amy how he totally agrees that marriage isn’t just about sex while... having sex with her.

Yet, she can’t bring herself to hate him for it.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 2243 HOURS, POST OF THE FRICK AND FRACK (ROUND TWO)**

“Jake...” Amy’s breath comes out in staggers. “That was incredible– you were... you were _amazing_.”

Jake’s fingers are interlocked against the back of his head, a cocksure smile on his face.

“Oh Amy... that wasn’t me at all.”

“What?” Amy turns around in shock. She’d expected Jake to be all full of himself for sure, but– _humility?_

“Yes, Ames. It was Steph– _working through me.”_ He declares spiritually, imitating the shooting of a basketball... shot? Goal? Whatever, that doesn’t matter.

Amy rolls her eyes hard, harder than the way Jake fucked her mere moments ago.

“Jake, one more reference to Steph and I’m never having sex with you again.”

“You sure about that?” Jake taunts with a smirk. “I heard I’m very good at it. According to someone a few seconds ago– not naming names– I’m even _amazing_ at sex.”

Amy sits up and motions to pull off Jake’s covers– the latter, not catching her bluff, panics and grabs her in desperation, pinning her down on the mattress.

“Okay, okay! No more references. I’ll even quit the basketball team.”

Amy snorts, hating how much she likes being pinned down by Jake like this. Apparently, he’s not the only one with kinks.

“Jake, you’re not even _on_ the basketball team,” she points out.

“Right,” he leans down, kissing her collarbone. “You’re so smart.”

Amy wants to tell him that her observation was barely an observation at all and not something one would deserve credit for knowing— but then Jake kisses his way down to her breasts, her abdomen, and then her hips– until he’s all the way down and his tongue is back on her wet arousal.

The curtains are drawn and the house completely shelters them from the sky’s view; but that night... Amy Santiago sees _stars_.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0803 HOURS, WAKING UP THE NEXT MORNING**

Amy stirs when the early morning light in between Jake’s drapes crawls through, glaring at her until she opens her eyes.

Jake’s arms are around her, of course, warm and protective, but most of all they are clingy as all hell.

Jake’s legs are around her too, and Amy enjoys being held against him so much she’s tempted to go back to sleep.

But then she sees the time on the clock and finds herself in a state of panic. She’s been out all night, and while she’s certain she won’t get into trouble for that, specifically, there’s no way she can get away with sleeping past _nine_.

If Amy doesn’t get home soon, she’s screwed.

Carefully, Amy loosens Jake’s grip on her body. She freezes when she hears him groan, but as she turns around to check, there’s nothing other than a frown on his face. This frown dissolves back into a content and carefree smile as she ceases motion.

His face is one of innocence. He’s still incredibly handsome, obviously, but there’s something so pure about the way he sleeps. Something Amy badly wants to protect.

But right now, she doesn’t have time for any of that. She quickly gets off his bed while he snoozes away, putting on her clothes and hoping for a quick getaway. She’ll leave Jake a text, he’ll understand.

“Running away so soon?” She freezes halfway through straightening her skirt. Damn it. Jake’s tired but fragile voice threatens to haunt her and she turns around, looking at his questioning face.

“I have to, Jake.” She vaguely explains, searching for her phone on his messy bedroom floor.

“Why?” He inches closer to her on the bed. “Did you sneak out or something?”

Amy makes a sound that’s halfway between a snort and a scoff. “No, Jake– I asked my mom _very nicely_ if I could have permission to come over and have sex with you.”

Jake chuckles lightly, pulling Amy back on bed next to him. “I’d give a million dollars to see that video.”

“You don’t have a million dollars,” Amy teases, locating her phone and looking through the texts. There’s one from Kylie:

**_“I’ll be back in a few hours.” — > that’s u being a LIAR GIRL!! Anyway yeah I told ur mom u went out for a jog just get home ASAP and take a shower (lord knows u prob need it ;);)) and then it’s breakfast time unless ur staying at Jake’s for breakfast sex I mean morning sex jk there’s no time GET HERE STAT FUN IS OVER_ **

“At least stay for breakfast– I make amazing cereal.” Jake brags, as he gets off the bed to put on his boxers.

“Jake, as good–“ her eyes look up, catching sight of his underwear. “Are those _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle_ boxers?”

Jake smiles, looking down at his most prized pair of boxers proudly, like a parent towards their favorite child.

“Yeah, aren’t they the best?”

Amy snorts. “I can’t believe I didn’t know those were what you had on last night.”

“I know,” Jake smiles cheekily. “I made sure your eyes were shut when I took my pants off. Wasn’t that hard, honestly,” he winks.

Amy purses her lips shyly. “Right. Because no one in their right mind would have sex with someone wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle boxers.”

“Hey!” Jake protests. “You did _exactly_ that.”

“Yeah, you had me completely fooled,” Amy says coyly. “But no one else will have sex with you in those boxers.”

Jake feigns disappointment as he settles back on his bed, eyes glued to Amy. “Guess I’ll have to come to you for all my sex needs now.”

“Oh no,” Amy says monotonously, not feeling at all burdened as Jake bends over to kiss her.

It’s not until Jake reaches to tug her clothes off again that Amy remembers she doesn’t have time for this.

“Sorry, Jake, I really need to go now–“ Amy hastily apologizes as she stands up and puts on her shoes, leaving Jake very upset.

“B-but... You started it!” He whines, pointing accusatorially at Amy.

“Sorry, Jake. Maybe you should go back to sleep,” she suggests.

Theoretically speaking, they both need more sleep. Aside from the vigorous activities they engaged in, Jake and Amy spent half the night giggling and chatting about nothing in particular. They couldn’t stop touching each other– a big problem for Jake especially. Someone should have told him it’s impossible to sleep when you have a very naked, very attractive Amy Santiago in bed with you.

But the thing is, despite how disruptive a bedfellow Jake had proven to be, Amy doesn’t think she’s ever had such a good night’s sleep.

This is something she struggles with later that night, after a long day of fun with Kylie that should’ve gotten Amy snoring once her head hit the pillow— but she finds herself tossing and turning for hours on end, wishing Jake’s arms were there to hold her, wishing his body was there to keep her warm.

Despite years of satisfactory service from her million blankets, Amy finds herself just a bit too cold that night.

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE 6, 0705 HOURS, GROCERY SHOPPING WITH KYLIE AND AMY!**

“God, I love this place,” Kylie remarks dreamily as she pushes the shopping cart, with Amy holding onto the long grocery list, directing them to every item they need and placing them in the trolley.

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I last went grocery shopping. The last time I was here...”

Amy trails off with a shy smile and Kylie latches on to it with no mercy.

“THAT’S YOUR JAKE SMILE!” She points, incredibly sure of herself.

Amy’s cheeks very obviously redden, but she insists upon playing the fool. “What ‘Jake smile’? I... I smile like this all the time. About everything.”

“Nope,” Kylie rejects with a decisive nod. “Whenever you start thinking or talking about Jake, you smile all weird and gross and in love like that. Spill the Jake story, girl.”

Amy acquiesces with a sigh. “Fine. The last time I was here, I came with Jake. I helped him with grocery shopping.”

“I knew it!” Kylie giggles. “Can you believe I learned your Jake smile in under a day? AKA, the only time I truly got to spend with you since I arrived.”

Amy looks down apologetically. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize–“

“Save the apology, our friendship is stronger than that. What I really want to know is– why were you grocery shopping with him in the first place? That’s so scandalous.”

“Isn’t that what _we’re_ doing?”

“This is different. Your mom sent us on an errand. I highly doubt Jake’s mom hired you to go grocery shopping with her son. Which you’re _totally_ qualified to do, but–“

“I just... happened to be there.”

“There?” Kylie questions skeptically. “There as in at the supermarket or there as in _Jake’s house?”_

“Jake’s house. We were... practicing,” Amy curtly explains, clearing her throat.

Kylie chortles to herself. “Say no more. Actually, please say more. Tell me all about yonder times, gallivanting aisle to aisle with thy lover?”

Amy grimaces, visibly cringing at Kylie’s feeble attempt to sound... theater-ish.

“Ugh, please don’t say that.”

“Why? Was there no gallivanting? Ooh, it’s something raunchy, isn’t it?”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Raunchy? We were at the supermarket!”

Kylie grins. “Oh yeah, guess you two reserve the _marathon sex_ for when you’re behind closed doors.”

The rate at which Amy’s cheeks redden is hilariously fast. “Shut up! We didn’t have marathon sex.”

“Oh really? Then what do you call having sex over and over again?”

Amy sighs, conceding defeat. “...marathon sex,” she admits as Kylie snickers. “Whatever! Point is, no marathon sex happened in this supermarket between the two of us. The only thing he did that can even be considered close to... _inappropriate_ was when we got ice cream on the way home.”

Kylie’s jaw drops. “Ice cream? That’s a home run right there. Let me guess– you deep-throated a popsicle?”

“No– nothing like that. I had ice cream on my chin and he cleaned it off for me.”

Kylie frowns in disappointment. “How’s that–“

“With his tongue.”

“OH MY GOD.” Her eyes widen in shock, failing to anticipate that. “Who does that? Was it a flavor different from his own that he was curious about?”

“Yeah. I got vanilla– oh god _now_ I know why he was being so weird about it!”

Kylie chuckles, amused by Amy’s obliviousness. “Okay, okay. Weird ice cream incident aside, did anything good happen?”

“Well uh... notable thing that happened was when he pushed me around while I sat in the cart. It was really fun.”

“Ooh, did he go really fast down the aisle?”

“Yeah, how did you–“

“YOU BITCH.”

Amy’s very confused. “What? I don’t under–“

Kylie crosses her arms. “I asked you five years ago if you wanted to sit in the trolley while I pushed you down the aisle really fast and you said no– but the second a guy you wanna bang comes along you say yes? What happened to–“

“Blonde chicks over long dicks?”

Kylie tilts her head, eyes squinted in confusion. “What?”

Amy shakes her head, smiling to herself. “Never mind. It’s just something Jake said over text. I thought it was funny uh... at the time.”

Kylie snorts. “And in making this joke, he just _had_ to imply that he has a long dick?”

Amy purses her lips, blushing shyly.

“Well, he’s not... _wrong_.”

“AMY–“

“What?! Whatever, okay? Besides, I didn’t agree to get into the shopping cart when Jake asked because I wanted to ‘bang’ him! And yes, I do realize the irony in that statement, given how I just slept with him the night before– but that’s not why. Jake just... has a way of sweeping people up in his shenanigans.”

Kylie smirks teasingly. “Does that ‘way’ have to do with his penis?”

Amy hides her face in embarrassment. “Kylie! Oh my god–“

“Hey, you started it by saying his dick was long. Besides, I was just messing with you. Now do you want to get in this cart so I can push you down this aisle super fast or not?”

Amy grins cheerfully. “It would be my pleasure.”

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE 14, 0715 HOURS, CLIMBING INTO THE SHOPPING CART SO THAT KYLIE CAN PUSH HER DOWN THE AISLE SUPER FAST**

The only problem with Amy and Kylie’s plan is that it’s pretty much _impossible_ to climb into the shopping cart.

“I think it’s too high up, my leg can’t reach in without me losing my balance or the cart toppling over...” Amy laments as she cautiously tries and fails repeatedly to get into the trolley.

Suddenly, a pair of arms make contact with Amy’s body, one supporting her back and the other tucked under her knees– Amy nearly shrieks, until she realizes who just carried her up and placed her in the cart.

“Going trolley-carting without me?” Jake simpers, arms crossed over the edge of the shopping cart.

“Oh god, Jake– I’m so glad you’re here,” she slurs, immediately pulling Jake down for a kiss.

Kylie stands there, watching them hesitantly. It’s like getting tossed into a movie where she doesn’t belong at all. Or a scene where she’s an awkward third wheel. Like the mom in Mean Girls, except she has no condoms or light refreshments to offer. Also, they’re not in an enclosed bedroom, but a public place. As Jake and Amy’s kiss deepens, Kylie gets more worried– this is a _family_ store.

After what feels like eternity, Jake and Amy pull apart from their (very clingy) kiss, staring into each other’s eyes, and catching their breath discreetly.

“I missed you so much,” Jake declares passionately, looking like he wants to kiss Amy again. Which he doesn’t do, thankfully.

“I missed you so much too,” Amy concurs in an equally gross fashion.

“Hey!” Kylie whines. “Was I such horrible company? You two saw each other less than 24 hours ago.”

Amy directs a sheepish smile at Kylie.

“Less than a day?” Jake exhales disbelievingly. “Feels like ages. Especially since you didn’t answer any of my texts.”

“I’m sorry,” Amy apologizes, hand placed unnecessarily on Jake’s chest. “I made Kylie take my phone away so I wouldn’t get distracted. What are you doing here? It’s seven in the morning.”

“ME! I texted him last night to get his ass over here first thing because you wouldn’t stop doing your ‘I miss Jake’ frown.”

“Kylie!” Amy complains in embarrassment. “I don’t have an ‘I miss Jake’ frown!”

“Oh... and how would you know _that_ , Santiago?” Jake retorts, looking at Kylie with a wide smirk. “Tell me more about this ‘I miss Jake’ frown. Did she talk about me _all day?”_

Kylie crosses her arms. “It’s going to cost you.”

“I’ll pay you _anything_.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “She’s messing with you. Anyway, how did you even manage to reach Jake?”

“I lifted his number off your phone, duh. Giving your phone to me was the biggest mistake you ever made, Amy.”

Jake looks down at Amy. “Should I be worried that your best friend has my number?”

“Only if you make me regret inviting you here. Now can we keep shopping, or are the two of you just gonna keep staring at each other like idiots?”

Jake raises his finger with a suggestion. “I have a better idea. Let’s take turns pushing Amy down this aisle and see who’s faster!”

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE 14, 0722 HOURS, JAKE AND KYLIE’S TROLLEY-CARTING FACE OFF**

Kylie goes first, clocking a breathtaking time of 9.37 seconds in pushing Amy in the shopping cart down the aisle.

“Hah!” Kylie taunts. “Beat that, bozo.”

“I can, and I _will_ ,” Jake declares, grabbing hold of the shopping cart, while Amy resets the stopwatch on her phone.

“On your mark, get set, go!” Amy commands, and Jake takes off with an impeccable speed.

Only to slow down to a crawl halfway through. For a moment, Amy worries that Jake’s out of breath, that his asthma has relapsed.

“Are you okay?” She asks worryingly.

Jake looks perfectly fine though, and only beams at her.

“Yeah. I just have something really important to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“ _You’re really cute,”_ Jake whispers furtively, before charging all the way to the finish line.

“Time?” Kylie asks Amy haughtily when Jake reaches, certain that she’s secured a win.

“Uh...” Amy looks dazed as she checks her phone. “Oh. I forgot to stop the stopwatch.”

“Aw man!” Jake laments in mock frustration. “Now we don’t know who really won! You really screwed the pooch here, Ames.”

Kylie rolls her eyes. “Yeah. We don’t have a _clue_ about who won.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 0815 HOURS, ARRIVING HOME WITH THE GROCERIES**

“We’re home!” Jake announces as Kylie, Amy, as well as himself walk through the front door, bags of groceries in hand. Their arms are all aching from the weight, because the Santiago family needs a lot of groceries to keep them all fed.

“Dude, this isn’t even your home,” Kylie reminds, to no avail, dumping her bags on the floor to give her wrists much needed relief.

Camila emerges from the kitchen excitedly. “Jake, is that you? Oh, come over here!”

Jake makes his way to Amy’s mother who throws her arms around him in a tight hug.

“She looks even happier to see Jake than you were,” Kylie whispers to Amy.

“Should I be jealous?”

“What are you doing here, my boy?” Camila asks as she starts sorting the groceries to put them away. Jake and Kylie attempt to help her with this, but are too confused and have no idea where to start. Only Amy seems to have the organizational prowess to assist her mother.

“Oh, uh. I bumped into Amy and Kylie at the supermarket, so I just stuck around to help them carry some groceries.”

“Oh, you sweet, kind boy. Are you staying for breakfast?”

Jake rubs his hands together, peering into the kitchen. “Is there room for one more?”

“For you? Always.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 0840 HOURS, BREAKFAST TIME**

They have a very hearty breakfast where Amy basically wolfs down her food, ravenous at the sight of her favorites.

“Slow down, Amy,” her mother coaxes. “We have guests,” she reminds pointedly, wanting Amy to eat in a more... presentable manner.

“Kylie’s practically _family_ , mom,” Amy says offhandedly, before realizing the point. “Oh– you mean Jake.”

“It’s fine, Mrs Santiago,” Jake assures. “I happen to think that Amy eats _beautifully_.”

“Oh,” Camila smiles, letting go of her worries. “Eat however you want then, dear. You’re beautiful.”

Amy blushes, before realizing she has a new, much more pressing issue, to deal with.

“Oh no– I’ve run out of potato pancakes,” she complains, to the point of panic. “Mom, is there any–“

“No, dear. I’m sorry, we don’t have any more potato pancakes.”

“I took the last one,” Diego brags, sticking said potato pancake in his mouth, which makes Amy sulk.

“It’s okay, you can have mine,” Jake casually offers, depositing every last one of his potato pancakes on Amy’s plate– it was as if he had foreseen this, and did not touch his potato pancakes on purpose so he could give them to Amy.

“Damn,” Diego sighs. “Where do I get me a man like that?”

“Ditto,” Kylie murmurs, and they high five under the table.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S DOOR, 0855 HOURS, JAKE LEAVING**

“Mom?” Amy calls out as Jake steps outside the door. “Is it okay if I walk Jake home?”

Camila gives her daughter a look of suspicion. “Why?”

“Uh, because... I need Amy to protect me. We do this thing called _reverse chivalry._ Which we both believe in very strongly,” Jake lies, and Amy goes along with it with a sheepish grin. “Feminism,” He tacks on with a hesitant swing of his arm for good measure.

“You can go, you crazy kids,” she chuckles, and Jake and Amy bolt out the door like it’s Christmas.

Camila turns to Kylie when Jake and Amy leave.

“Do you know what’s going on between them?”

Kylie looks up at her knowingly. “I’m pretty sure you can tell.”

“They’re in love, aren’t they?”

“I guess. Whether they realize that themselves is another thing altogether.”

 

* * *

 

**S** **TREETS OF BROOKLYN, 0902 HOURS, EN ROUTE TO JAKE’S HOUSE WITH HIS SECURITY DETAIL**

“I slept horribly last night,” Jake mentions as they walk to Jake’s house, having wordlessly decided on holding hands at some point.

“Oh no!” Amy fusses. “Were you that affected by me not answering your texts?”

“Yes... and no. It’s totally your fault I didn’t sleep well– but it’s not because you didn’t reply my texts. It’s because you weren’t there. Felt... kinda empty.”

Amy’s heart pounds at his words, but she tries to play it cool. “Really? One night with me and you’re already hooked?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly it. I don’t think I can sleep without you, babe.”

Amy looks down, cheeks heating up despite the morning chill. “I couldn’t sleep either.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, kept tossing and turning. I felt weird sleeping without you too.”

Jake lifts up their interlocked fingers and kisses Amy’s palm. “Maybe we should stop by and ‘sleep’ in my bed then.”

Amy exhales disapprovingly. “Jake, you know I’m only allowed to walk you home.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t take a quick... fifteen minute power nap?”

“No.”

“Ten?”

“No!”

“Five, but three of those minutes are sex?”

Amy breaks into fits of giggles. “No, Jake!”

“Aw, man!” He huffs. “I was really counting on that last one.”

“Three minutes? Really?”

“Trust me, you don’t want more than three.”

They arrive at Jake’s house, and Amy plants a chaste kiss on Jake’s lips.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. Kylie’s not going to stay for the entire school break.” She takes Jake’s hand and gives it a kiss, effectively melting him. “We can spend some time together when she leaves.”

Jake’s smile stretches impossibly wide across his face. He’s so incredibly happy right now, nothing could bring him down.

“Okay.” He says, giving Amy another kiss because he doesn’t know when to stop. And he doesn’t want to stop. “I can’t wait.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0909 HOURS, THE NEXT MORNING**

“Pack your bags, Jacob,” Gina commands as she dumps an empty duffel bag on his face. “We’re going to see Nana!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here u go was it everything u hoped 
> 
> pls im nervous i hope y’all liked this
> 
> Also 7175 is supposed to be TITS okay I just wanted to make that clear bc I’m immature as fuck and also I typed that when I wrote this but when I read through it to edit I FORGOT and I was like wtf is 7175???? 
> 
> I made Amy say “surprise” with the explicit intention of making y’all think of the proposal
> 
> anyway yes Louie and Luis are back again I’m making it v clear that I love them 
> 
> The teenage mutant ninja turtle underwear thing is entirely bc of carrie @the-pontiac-bandit
> 
> ALSO KYLIE!!! I missed her she’s so fun to write 
> 
> Yes I’m still in Finland also yes I split the supposed “chapter 15” I’ve been mentioning on tumblr into 2 chapters so this one is like??? 11+k????? Yeah still p decent and long so I truly hope y’all enjoyed


	16. where to go

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 0910 HOURS, WAKING JAKE UP BEFORE HE GO GOES**

“What?” Jake sits up drowsily, still recovering from a fantastic dream about him and Amy.

What? It wasn’t about sex, okay?

Fine, it was about sex. But not all of it was sex!

Okay, it was mostly sex. And they were naked the whole time. _Don’t judge him!_

“Remember?” Gina asks, rolling her eyes. “We always visit Nana around this time of year.”

“Your room is disgusting,” Rosa remarks, making a face at all the things she’s currently exposed to. She struggles to find a suitable place in Jake’s room to sit, quickly giving up and choosing to stand. She prefers standing anyway, and it’s not like she plans to stay in Jake’s room for long.

“Rosa?!” Jake rubs his eyes free from sleep. “What are you doing here?”

“Duh,” Gina says, like it’s so plainly obvious. “Rosa’s coming with us.”

“Not that I’m complaining but– why?”

Rosa extends a dagger at Jake, who nearly freaks out. “You got a problem with that?”

“I already said I’m not complaining!”

Jake cautiously climbs out of his bed, grateful that Gina broke into his room this morning and not... two mornings ago. He whips open his closet, still not ready to function. It’s too early.

“I’ll be down in... fifteen minutes. Has my mom started the car?”

“Your mom isn’t coming, Jake,” Gina informs. “I’m driving.”

“Why isn’t she coming?” Jake asks, in partial shock. Yearly trips to visit Nana had always included himself, Gina, and his mother. Sure, Gina was not his Nana’s biological granddaughter, but Gina’s grandmother and Nana had been best friends for years– when she passed, Nana took Gina to be her own granddaughter, like her best friend wanted.

“She’s visiting her on her own some other day. I think she said something about being swamped with work?”

Jake accepts it, and begins cramming clothes and other stuff in his bag. He’s done packing within five minutes. This is because Jake’s definition of packing is ‘stuffing everything you need in the bag’.

Before he leaves for Gina’s car however, he checks his phone to see if he’s gotten any messages.

In particular, he wants to see if Amy’s said anything to him. He nearly squeals when he sees a notification, only to be filled with dread when he sees her message:

**_Hey!! Kylie had to cut her stay short because there was an administrative emergency at school. Should I come over? ;)_ **

She had used two exclamation points. Two!! Plus a winky face! That definitely meant a promise of sex– and now Jake’s going to die alone because he’s visiting his grandmother instead of boning Amy.

Gina hits the car horn hard, and despite his frustration with the situation, Jake runs down and gets in the backseat of Gina’s car, who drives off before the car door fully shuts, killing any chance of Jake changing his mind and choosing to stay.

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S CAR (INTERIOR), 0920 HOURS, JOURNEY TO SEE NANA AND ALSO GRANDPA HE LIVES THERE TOO**

There isn’t much discussion going on in the car when they start off, due to the busy streets of New York that require Gina’s full concentration to navigate.

Jake takes this time to break the bad news to Amy. He figures, despite his departure from the city, at the very least he gets to text Amy, something he was deprived of when Kylie was there.

_**hey babe** _

Amy’s reply comes instantly, sending a rush through Jake. Was she waiting for his response?

**_Good morning. :)_ **

 

* * *

 

**_u cant come over im sorry_ **

 

* * *

 

**_W_** **_hat? Oh. Is your mother at home? You could always come over if you want!!_ **

Jake takes a deep breath, hating everything.

_**im not at home. m in ginas car on the way to nanas rn we gotta visit her or some bullshit** _

_**i shoulda faked a fevrr or sth i hate this** _

 

* * *

 

_**Oh. How long will you be gone?** _

 

* * *

 

_**prob b back tommorrow before school starts up agn we r staying over** _

 

* * *

 

**_Oh my god..._ **

 

* * *

 

**_I KNOW BABE IM SORRY_ **

 

* * *

 

**_How far away does your Nana live?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_hours away im so sad rn im never sad when i visit her but im so sad_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Hey, it’s okay. I’ll still be here when you get back. :)_ **

 

* * *

 

**_can u send me a selfoe i think only ur face can cheer me up_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I... don’t look great at the moment, Jake. Maybe later?_ **

 

* * *

 

_**LIAR U LOOK BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME** _

 

* * *

 

_**OKAY FINE. Here:** _

_**IMG_1269.png** _

_**See my point?** _

Jake opens Amy’s selfie and snorts. She’s making an ugly face at the camera on purpose, but the infuriating thing is that she’s only managed to look annoyingly adorable.

**_UM RUDE_ **

**_TRYING TO MAKE URSELF LOOK UGLY EVEN THOUGH YOU STILL LOOK CUTE AS HELL IN THE MORNING IS WORSE THAN SIMPLY LOOKING CUTE IN THE MORNING AMES COME ONNNN_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Um... I’m sorry?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_U BETTER BE SORRY ITS ILLEGAL TO BE THIS CUTE IM ARRESTING YOU_ **

 

* * *

 

**_That’s not a law, Jake._ **

 

* * *

 

**_imma call the president and tell him to make a new law_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Presidents don’t have the power to legislate new laws, they have to get the approval of the congress first._ **

 

* * *

 

**_ur so smart omg_ **

**_guess ill have ta put away the handcuffs_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Come to think of it though... Maybe looking too cute is illegal._ **

Jake’s heart nearly stops. Is... is Amy trying to say that she wants him to cuff her? Holy smokes.

**_are you saying you want me to arrest u_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I did the crime, now I’ll do the time._ **

 

* * *

 

**_oh ur gonna do the time ames ur gonna do the time HARD_ **

“Who are you texting?” Gina asks, having observed how Jake’s eyes haven’t left his phone in ages.

Rosa turns around to look at Jake, who immediately keeps his phone.

“Uh, no one?”

They both roll their eyes.

“Uh huh, no one believes you, Jake.”

“I’m not! There’s nothing going on, I’m not texting anyone! I’ve never texted anyone, ever!” He sputters, trying desperately to save his skin. “Gina’s always on her phone– why aren’t we interrogating her about that?”

“Okay, chill. We can talk about something else since you insist on being a disgusting liar,” Gina deflects, putting away her phone.

“How did the audition go?” Rosa asks.

“Uh... it was good. Went well, the judges loved us... it was a good, chill, _completely_ normal time. It was... good.”

“I heard you and Amy kissed–“

“WHAT?” Jake exclaims. “Who told you that? Because–“

“I mean for the _audition_ , you idiot. They film the performances– what is up with you today?”

“NOTHING!” Jake insists, way louder than he needs to. “Besides... haven’t we talked enough about me?” He chuckles nervously. “What’s going on with you two?”

“What? Why?” Rosa snaps defensively. “Nothing’s going on between me and Gina, why would you think that? Did anyone say anything? I want _names_ –“

“Woah!” Jake holds his hands up, wishing he had a white flag to wave. “I was asking about the dance... thing. The dance audition you two were training the ensemble for.”

“Eh, less of the ensemble and more of me, Rosa, plus three other juniors I threatened to decapitate if they messed up.”

Jake nods, breath held tightly. “Cool! So how’d that go?”

“Good!”

“Nice. So uh, how about the school’s dance society? I heard they take part in that too. Every year,” he adds on the last part in a quiet voice free from judgement.

“Oh, they didn’t get in,” Gina says casually.

“Uh, not that I’m against this dance thing but– aren’t we kinda screwing over the school dancers here?”

Gina huffs. “Ugh, please. Everyone knows any dance number ever put up by the drama club puts the combined ‘talent’ of the atrocity known to our school as the ‘dance society’ to shame any goddamn day. The only reason we haven’t joined that competition earlier was because Rosa refused to help me until this year.”

She nearly loses control of the car whilst doing all those air quotes, but they thankfully do not meet with an accident.

“Hmm, really? What made you change your mind this year, Rosa?”

 

* * *

 

**NANA (AND GRANDPA)’S HOUSE, 1018 HOURS, ARRIVING AT THE... HOUSE (DUH DOI)**

“Oh, my children!” Nana welcomes warmly at the door, the ever so familiar aroma of beef brisket wafting through. “You’re here!”

She gives Gina a hug first, then Jake, who attempts to introduce Rosa.

“Uh, Nana– this is a friend of Gina and–“

“Yes, Rosa! Of course I know who you are, Gina already called ahead to tell me you were coming.”

“Really?” Jake poses this question with a curious look directed at Gina.

“Uh, duh! Who do you think I am, Jake? An inconsiderate person who just does whatever she wants whenever she wants?”

Jake bites his lip, withholding the urge to laugh.

“Shut up, Jake.”

“What? I didn’t say anything!”

 

* * *

 

**DINING TABLE, 1145 HOURS, LUNCH TIME**

Jake, Gina, and Rosa all sit practically motionless at the table, their bellies filled with Nana’s ever so sumptuous beef brisket.

“Why didn’t either of you two tell me to stop?” Rosa complains, completely regretting fighting with Jake over that last piece. And that second last piece.

“Because we make the same mistake every year,” Gina groans, hating herself and everyone around her, loving only the brisket– even though it’s the only thing bringing her pain.

“Trust me, you don’t want to be here when it’s Passover,” Jake tells Rosa. “Nana goes overboard and it’s super brutal. I don’t even think we’re supposed to eat that much, but we do.”

**_remind me to invite u to nanas house when gina and i visit nxt time_ **

**_bc rosa is here and she has been slayyyyd by brisket_ **

**_its awesome i wanna see u slayd too baby_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Wait. Rosa’s there???????????_ **

 

* * *

 

**_YEAH crazy rite?? gina made her come bc shes suuuuuper in love with her_ **

**_so apparently we can just bring whoever we like to c nana now_ **

**_and since i like u like... a hecka lot i want u here_ **

**_close to death with ur stomach overstuffd_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Death? How romantic :’)_ **

“Jake, stop staring at your penis and help clean up,” Gina orders, which snaps Jake out of his trance.

“What? I wasn’t staring at my penis!”

“Whatever, my head’s still woozy from beef, and you not helping while Rosa and I do all the dishes is super misogynistic of you. Also scrubbing grease is making me want to die so stop being happy and come be miserable with us.”

 

* * *

 

**SECRET SHOOTING RANGE IN NANA AND GRANDPA’S BASEMENT, 1236 HOURS, SHOOTING CHESS AND BACKGAMMON**

“You haven’t faltered in your chess and backgammon shooting skills at all, my boy,” Jake’s grandfather praises, nodding silently at the way Jake accurately shoots each chess and backgammon piece without a single miss.

“Thanks grandpa,” Jake straightens and reloads the gun. “Is it alright if I practice with the real targets now?”

His grandfather frowns. “I don’t like those targets. They make us complacent– they’re not actually real.”

“But... they have those round dots in the middle and it feels really awesome when I hit the center.”

“Aren’t pawns an even better version of that? They’re nice, round, and you can hit them!”

“ _They’re nice, round, and you can hit them–_ title of your sex tape.”

“Huh?”

Jake shakes his head. “Never mind. That’s just a joke I make uh... at school.”

Jake’s grandfather shrugs. “I’m going up for my nap. Have fun, kid.”

Jake nods, watching his grandfather trudge up the stairs and disappear behind the door to the basement.

**_Come on Jake there’s no way you’re at a shooting range stop messing with me!_ **

Jake chuckles, ignoring his desire to practice shooting in favor of Amy. He empties all the bullets from his gun, and poses for some pictures as proof.

**_IMG_8008.png_ **

**_IMG_8009.png_ **

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S DESK, 1242 HOURS, DOING HOMEWORK**

**_IMG_8008.png_ **

**_IMG_8009.png_ **

Amy’s breath hitches and her entire body freezes when she sees the pictures sent by Jake. He’s definitely in some kind of shooting range all right, but it’s not the gun Jake holds that’s the problem. It’s the way he’s posing.

In the first picture, he’s holding the gun up, pressing his lips against it with his eyes shut. The second picture is worse– he’s got his tongue out now, and the way it wraps around the weapon is strangely alluring.

Of course, it shouldn’t be alluring. Amy shouldn’t be attracted to this, but she is, and it ticks her off. Her hand slips down, but she decides against her impulses and chooses to confront Jake instead.

**_Jake... you can’t just send pictures like that._ **

 

* * *

 

**_y not u wanted proof_ **

Amy rolls her eyes.

**_IMG_8010.png_ **

**_IMG_8011.png_ **

 

* * *

 

**SECRET SHOOTING RANGE IN NANA AND GRANDPA’S BASEMENT, 1246 HOURS, GETTING MURDERED**

**_IMG_8010.png_ **

**_IMG_8011.png_ **

Jake’s lungs collapse and stop working at the pictures Amy sends. She’s mimicking his exact poses, replacing the gun he used with her own fingers– and it is unfairly hot, watching her eyes shut with her lips, her tongue... it’s seductive and sexy in an unbearably nasty way. It’s worse than pornography. Jake would’ve handled Amy’s nudes better than he’s handling these two pictures.

**_HEY_ **

**_OKAY I GET YOUR POINT BUT HOW IS THIS AN OKAY THING TO DO UR WAY HOTTER THAN I AM_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I assure you I find you as attractive as you find me, I only did this to make us suffer in equal measure_ **

 

* * *

 

**_no ur wrong im sufferin wirse than u_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Okay fine let’s move on to the real question: why ARE you in a shooting range? Weren’t you at your Nana’s place?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_ok see so heres where i blo ur mind_ **

**_IM STILL IN MY NANAS PLACE_ **

**_MEANING MY NANAS PLACE HAS A SHOOTING RANGE_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Oh my god????? How is that possible?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_my grandad loves them gunz so my super rich uncle made sure their house was dope bc hes a good son_ **

**_no tellin tho he secretly had this range built so its like illegal_ **

**_but then again we r white so shld be chillz but just in case keep it on the dl_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Okay, sure. But... does this mean you know how to use a gun?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_uh DUH why else wld i b in a shooting range_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I just... I never considered shooting to be part of your skill set._ **

 

* * *

 

**_im a man of many skillz babe... a jake of all tradez_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Yeah, we both know how great you are at ballet. :)_ **

 

* * *

 

**_i learned to own that long ago ames its not my fault i got such good hips_ **

**_they r esp good at... thrusting_ **

**_as u shld knoe;)_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Jake that was bad._ **

 

* * *

 

**_yea i felt it as soon as i sent that sorry_ **

**_to cover up my rare moment of not bein hecka smooth do u wanna see a video of me shootin im pretty good_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I’m... not opposed to that._ **

 

* * *

 

**_m0v_80085.mp4_ **

 

* * *

 

**NANA’S LIVING ROOM, 1327 HOURS, OFFICIALLY INTRODUCING ROSA AS HER GIRLFRIEND**

“So, Jake doesn’t know about this?” Nana asks as she pours more water for the three of them.

“Oh, heck no,” Gina says outright. “We thought it would be fun to see how long he’ll take to figure it out.”

“Also we’re pretty sure he’s secretly dating Amy and refusing to tell us about it,” Rosa continues, to Nana’s delight.

“Or _banging_ her secretly and refusing to tell us about it. Either way, secrecy begets secrecy. Tit for freaking tat.” At Gina’s words, Rosa raises her eyebrows, but seeing how there is no negative change in Nana’s composure, she relaxes.

“Yeah, doubt Santiago would want anyone to know if she were secretly hooking up with Jake,” Rosa says conversationally, wanting to make a good impression on the woman who supposedly made Gina into the ‘intelligent, sensuous woman she is today’. So far, she’s doing that by... talking about her grandson’s sex life. She’s _killing_ it.

Nana titters. “No wonder he hasn’t said a word about her today. He usually can’t keep his mouth shut about that Amy.”

Gina and Rosa groan simultaneously.

“Ugh, tell me about it.”

“It was always so funny to me, how he claimed she was his worst enemy. Is he still saying that?”

“Oh no, I don’t think so.”

Nana smiles teasingly. “I think the both of you must be too wrapped up in each other to care for the likes of what Jake gets up to these days, or am I wrong?”

 

* * *

 

**NANA’S APARTMENT (WHERE SHE USED TO LIVE TO HELP TAKE CARE OF JAKE AND GINA), ???? HOURS, “COMPLAINING” ABOUT AMY (FIVE YEARS AGO)**

“So, I saw you dancing with your so-called nemesis at your bar mitzvah, are you two friends now?” Nana asks as she pours Jake a glass of milk.

“What? Gross! No, we’re not friends. Definitely not.” Jake denies in a fluster before he proceeds to gulp down his milk messily.

“Why not?”

“Because she’s still the worst.”

Nana chuckles. “The worst? She looked lovely that day. Or am I wrong?”

Jake huffs. “You see?! That’s my biggest problem with her. She’s pretty! It’s not fair! Why can’t she look like a gremlin, or-or a werewolf?”

“Is it hard to hate her because she’s so beautiful?”

“Kinda. No, actually. It just makes me feel dumb sometimes. Another thing I hate about her: she’s super smart. Annoyingly smart. Why does she have to be so smart and so pretty? She can’t have everything! You see why I hate her so much, Nana?”

“Oh yes, you _clearly_ detest her.” Nana says patronizingly. “But perhaps... you just need a change of perspective when it comes to Amy.”

What she means is, maybe Jake should stop harping on his supposed ‘hatred’ and realize that his view of her is merely a warped form of affection.

But Jake, being himself, takes this the wrong way.

“You’re right, Nana!” He exclaims. “I should change my perspective– I need to start seeing her as _ugly_ , no matter what!”

Nana badly wants to roll her eyes and smack her grandson across the face. But she can’t do that.

“That’s not what–“

“You give the best advice, Nana. Thanks!”

He gives her a kiss on the cheek, before running off into the living room to watch a movie with Gina. She’s supposed to tell him her grand plan for revenge on Jenny Gildenhorn– after all, the past two weeks of having to see her in drama club have been excruciating, especially with rumors that Eddie Fung wants to join the club to be with his girlfriend.

 

* * *

 

**SECRET SHOOTING RANGE IN NANA AND GRANDPA’S BASEMENT, 1355 HOURS, GINA AND ROSA ENTERING**

“Put your guns down, Jake, I’m too precious to die,” Gina instructs as she walks down the stairs, trailing behind Rosa.

“Oh hey,” Jake greets, removing his safety glasses and ear plugs. “What are you doing here?”

“You thought I’d pass up on the chance to be in a shooting range?” Rosa asks incredulously.

“Oh no, Rosa. I wasn’t asking you, I’m asking _Gina_ over here,” Jake grins widely. “Funny seeing you here, goose. Thought you didn’t care about this place.”

Gina shrugs. “I’m eighteen now. Figured it was about time.”

“Really? You? Care about how age factors into anything? Or is it the _person_ who’s going to teach you?”

“Yeah, I doubt Gina would’ve trusted you to teach her,” Rosa snarks, with a smirk.

“Hey!” Jake protests. “I’m a great shot!”

“Guess we’ll have to see whether that’s true,” Rosa says, alluding to a later face-off.

“But... that’s only happening after I nail this gun thing and become a better shot than either of you,” Gina says, scooting over and pushing Jake out the way.

“Sure, I’ll just sit back here and wait for the million years it’ll take for that to happen,” Jake taunts.

“Don’t make me shoot you in the face, you little bitch.”

“Shutting up now!”

He settles in a comfortable couch placed at the back of the shooting range, smiling at his phone.

**_So, what do you and Gina typically get up to at Nana’s?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_well shes currently flirtin with rosa over guns_ **

 

* * *

 

**_How is that even possible?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_aint that what weve been doing_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Touché._ **

 

* * *

 

**_anyway DANG rosas a good shot how the heck does she know how to shoot_ **

 

* * *

 

**_... the same way you know how to use a gun?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_idk she just seems more like a knife thrower to me_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Knowing Rosa, she’s both._ **

 

* * *

 

**_oh ye shes def both i just saw her throw a knife how does she have a set of knives on her right now????_ **

**_anyway gina and i r pretty cray about the pool it has a diving board and a slide its super cool_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Exactly how rich is this uncle of yours?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_v rich also hes super unsingle and hecka unattractive ames plus i totally get this house if nana and grandpa die also if he dies ill get money too_ **

 

* * *

 

**_CALM DOWN. I’m not going to make a move on your uncle, Jake._ **

 

* * *

 

**_oh thank god bc im not actually sure if i get this house_ **

 

* * *

 

**_It’s okay, Jake. I’m not that shallow._ **

 

* * *

 

**_ok ok so uh... gina and i usually have pajama jamma jam parties where we get in our pjs and watch movies_ **

**_shes prob gonna wanna hang with rosa tho so i dont see us havin a pajama jamma jam party this year_ **

**_id b a huge third wheel_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Well, at least you’ll get to go swimming?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_thats out too id b an even bigger third wheel theyll b in bikinis and starin at each other too weird for me_ **

**_i mean_ **

**_if u were here n offerin to bikini up id be all for it_ **

**_heck id be like lets go skinny dippin_ **

**_god now im wondering what u look like in a bikini_ **

**_do you hav pics_ **

 

* * *

 

**_No, Jake. I do not have pictures of myself in swimwear._ **

 

* * *

 

**_plsssssss ill take a pic of myself ina bikini too we can trade them_ **

 

* * *

 

**_As appealing as that sounds I really don’t think I need a picture of you practically naked on my phone._ **

 

* * *

 

**_right bc my dong wouldnt fit the bikini thingy_ **

 

* * *

 

**_That’s... a valid point I guess?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_anyway the real reason im thinkin of ditching the pool is bc i wanna talk to u later_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Aren’t we talking right now?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_like on the phone callin u ya feel_ **

**_is that okay i just miss hearin ur voice_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Aww :’) I miss hearing your voice too <3_ **

**_Also your lack of punctuation is starting to give me an aneurism._ **

 

* * *

 

**_....,,?!’.,?!!??.?.??:)/$/_ **

**_that enough punctuation for ya_ **

 

* * *

 

**_..._ **

**_You’re impossible._ **

 

* * *

 

**_come onnnn u lov it_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I... really don’t. I truly do not enjoy the way you text._ **

 

* * *

 

**_sorry cant giv up my bad boy image_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I don’t see how atrocious spelling and punctuation makes you a “bad boy”?_ **

 

* * *

 

**_it just does ames... it just does_ **

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S ALLOCATED BED IN NANA AND GRANDPA’S HOUSE, 2034 HOURS, TALKING TO AMY**

“God, it’s so good to finally hear your voice...” Jake notes with a sigh, smiling when Amy laughs in response.

“Jake, you last heard my voice like– a day ago. It’s not like you’ve been in prison for weeks and this is the first time you get to talk to me.”

“That’s oddly specific, but I still missed you. I’m thinking of getting Gina and Rosa to leave in the afternoon tomorrow instead of the evening so I can see you before school starts.”

Amy smiles. “I’d like that.”

Yes, Jake, Gina, and Rosa’s trip to see Nana (and Grandpa) was meant to be an overnight thing. The school break this time around, is sadly only five days long. Jake and Amy as of this point, have been seeing each other for that same duration.

Of course, the term ‘seeing each other’ is entirely figurative at this moment, because they’re miles apart.

“So, how did your shooting contest with Rosa go?” Amy asks.

“Ended in a tie. Turns out we’re both very good. Should we make careers out of that?”

“Maybe. How’s Gina’s learning progress?”

“Not bad. I think she was too focused on having Rosa’s arms wrapped around her to learn anything, though.”

Amy hums. “I think I’d be a better student. I’m very focused.”

“True, but if I were your teacher, I’d be too distracted and focused on wrapping my arms around you to teach you anything.”

They both chuckle at this.

 

* * *

 

**SWIMMING POOL, 2047 HOURS, LOUNGING BY THE POOL**

“Hey, I hope I didn’t make like, a bad impression or anything,” Rosa clears her throat, nervously fiddling with her swimsuit.

“You kidding me? Nana loves you– besides, even if she didn’t dig you for you, she trusts my impeccable taste.” Gina’s eyes trail down Rosa’s scantily clad body. “ _Man_ do I have good taste...”

Rosa smiles affectionately. “Nah, I wasn’t talking about her. I meant your granddad. Uh, Jake’s granddad? Is he homophobic?”

“Oh, don’t worry about him. He doesn’t even know we’re together. Besides, Nana would’ve never married a homophobic man.”

Rosa straightens. “That’s good, but it would be super weird if he walked in on us. Did you–“

“Relax. I locked the door the moment we came in. No one’s going to bother us, even if we stay out all night.”

Rosa relaxes slightly, but she’s still pretty tense overall. “What about Jake? He might want to swim and then ask questions about the locked door.”

“I tried opening his door earlier. He locked it, sounded like he was on the phone. So something tells me he’s not interested in taking a dip tonight.”

Rosa chuckles. “Wanna bet he’s talking to Amy?”

“Oh, it’s definitely Amy. Something actually worth betting on would be whether they’re having phone sex or not.”

Rosa laughs even harder. “Oh my god, don’t make me picture that.”

“Anyway, enough chit chat.” Gina stands up. “You ready to skinny dip or what?”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S ALLOCATED BED IN NANA AND GRANDPA’S HOUSE, 2051 HOURS, TALKING TO AMY (CONT.)**

“So, what are you wearing right now?” Jake asks, trying to sound seductive.

“Real subtle, Jake. Why do you want to know?”

“So I know exactly what to imagine myself taking off of your body.”

Amy nearly chokes at Jake’s words, arousal taking over her body. Not that that arousal hadn’t been present before, but it now festers, amplifying and making its presence something she currently finds herself all too aware of.

It now angers her, that Jake isn’t here. Really, truly, and _painfully_ angers her.

“What if I told you... you didn’t have to take anything off?”

Jake bites his lip hard. “No way. You’re messing with me. No way you sleep in the nude.”

“I don’t sleep naked, Jake.”

He titters almost gleefully at this. “You sure about that? I think I saw you sleeping pretty naked a couple nights back.”

Amy purses her lips shyly. “Spying on me, Peralta?”

“How could I resist? It was too good a view.”

Amy steps out of her bed, inhaling deeply.

“Anyway... about my– current state of dress– I wasn’t messing with you. I’m actually about to take a shower.”

“Oh? Feel _dirty_ suddenly?” He giggles, and Amy wants to roll her eyes but can’t bring herself to.

“A little. And I usually take a shower either before or after dinner, so... frankly it’s a wash that’s overdue.”

“You forgot to shower because you were too busy talking to me, huh?”

Amy looks through her closet, trying to pick out her sleepwear. But she’s jittery about it because all she can think about is how Jake would strip her down, from any and every article of clothing she chooses to adorn her skin with.

“Well, you are very needy, Jake.”

He snorts. “That’s a good dig. But I guess I can’t help but cling to you. You’re so addictive, Ames.”

Amy snatches the first shirt-looking thing and shorts-looking thing within reach, no longer caring what she wears to sleep.

Jake makes a hum of interest when Amy pushes her bathroom door open.

“Getting wet soon?” He teases, like he always does.

“Yes, so I guess this is goodbye–“

“WAIT WAIT! Hey, who said I had to go?”

Amy swallows. “You want to... listen to me shower?”

“Duh, because there’s no way we’re risking a video chat. The government is always spying on us and their minds might explode if they see you naked. I mean, I’m speaking from experience here, so.”

Amy chortles light-heartedly. “You’re just worried about the government’s well-being.”

“Exactly. Now could you put me on speakerphone, please?” He asks, in an incredibly polite tone.

She does exactly that, but not before sighing. “I don’t see how listening to me shower is alluring to you, but if you get off on hearing water run, be my guest.”

Jake chuckles. “I’m not just going to listen to water run, Ames. I’m going to direct your shower.”

“Say what now?”

“If... that’s okay with you?”

“Uh... yeah.” She laughs nervously. “So what’s that going to be like? You telling me what order I should take my clothes off?”

“I thought you were already naked.”

“Oh, yeah, totally.” Amy hurriedly strips in order to keep up with the... narrative. Jake chuckles at the way she discreetly and accidentally clears her throat once she’s actually naked, seeing through her ruse.

“You’re so cute, you know that?”

“Because you keep telling me, yes I do.”

“Should I stop then?” He asks. “Since you’re probably sick of hearing it by now.”

Amy frowns at this. She doesn’t want him to stop at all. “I... never said I _hated_ it.”

“Good, because I don’t think I can stop telling you how cute I think you are.”

Amy snorts at this, but starts to shiver within a moment’s time, folding her arms to preserve heat.

“Can you stop telling me how cute I am for a second and tell me to get in the shower? Because it’s starting to get a little cold.”

“Of course, babe. Get in the shower. Turn on the water so you can warm yourself up.”

Amy does just that.

“Can you still hear me?”

“Yes. Can you hear me?”

Amy turns down the tap. “Yeah.”

“What do you usually do in the shower, Ames? Take me through it.”

“Uh...” Amy runs her fingers through her hair, turning the water off when she’s all wet. “I usually start with my hair.”

“Cool. What shampoo do you plan on using?”

“I have... French Vanilla, Strawberries and Cream... and also Raspberry Mint.”

Jake nods, humming contentedly. “All memorable scents.”

“You... remember? The smell of my hair?”

“I don’t creepily sniff you or anything, anyone can smell your hair just by being in the same room as you. But yeah, you always smell amazing.”

“Thank you. So... which shampoo should I use?”

“Hmm... gun to my head... I’d go with the strawberries.”

Amy bites her lip in mild frustration. _I’d go with the strawberries?_ For someone who wanted to tell her what to do in the shower, Jake sure sounds passive. What’s his move here?

She takes a deep breath as she lathers her hair with the strawberries and cream flavored shampoo. Perhaps the thing that should bother her is how she’s actually _annoyed_ with Jake for not properly ordering her around. She should really work on her issues with authority. Especially since Jake isn’t actually an authority figure.

“That’s done. Now... I only have one type of body gel. It’s Rose.”

“It’s okay. Rub yourself down nice and clean there, will you?”

Amy smirks when she lathers her chest with the soap. “Guess what I’m rubbing?”

“Oh, I don’t think I can. It’ll be way too much for me to handle.”

Amy feels her cheeks heat up and burn. “Are you... are you jerking off right now?”

She has to admit, she’s not against that prospect. And that would explain Jake’s lack of initiative in controlling her shower process.

“Not yet.”

“Not _yet_?”

“Do you want me to?”

Amy flushes at his offer. “Uh...”

“Don’t worry about it. Are you all soapy and foamy now?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now wash yourself off,” he says, sounding urgent, like he wants Amy to hurry up and stop showering.

The water runs, and despite herself Amy finds the whole situation rather anti-climatic. There’s a bitter taste of mild disappointment at the back of her throat.

“Are you squeaky clean now? Refreshed?”

“Uh, yeah. Should I just dry myself off then?”

“No. Now I want you to reach in between your legs and touch yourself for me.”

Amy’s heart pounds at this, and she nearly smiles because of course there was more to it. There’s always more to it when it comes to Jake.

“In here?”

“Where else?”

“I think my bed’s pretty comfy.”

“Oh, I’m gonna want you touching yourself plenty on that bed of yours too, but for now I would _really_ like to hear you get off in the shower. Is that okay?”

He says that last bit gently, giving her an option to refuse him. But Amy’s hand already slid in between her legs mere moments after he first passed the instruction.

“Okay. But we might be in here a long time– I don’t have a habit of... touching myself in the shower.”

Which is true. She’s never seen the need for it– she has her own room, and always locks it at night for good measure. Her warm bed has always been preferable, over standing up in the cold shower.

Except this time, she isn’t just standing up in the shower. She has Jake’s voice, and she’s never had the warm company of Jake in her bed before. His bed, sure, but never her own.

“Don’t worry, babe. I never said I was going to sit here and shut up.”

She smiles knowingly. “This was your plan all along, wasn’t it?”

“You know me so well. Are you touching yourself?”

Amy starts rubbing to appease Jake’s appetite for her self-pleasure.

“Mmhmm.”

“Good, good. When was the last time you did this?”

“Uh,” Amy pauses. “When did I last... get off?”

“Yes, by yourself. Not with me. I’m well aware of every second of that.”

Amy’s breath rags in arousal. “I think... about a week ago.”

“Okay. Did you see me that day?”

“Yes. It was that night when– when we rehearsed until it was pretty late.”

That night in particular was a really charged night. One of those nights where something could have happened, should have happened, and damn nearly happened, but didn’t happen in the end because Jake and Amy were such cowards.

Jake chuckles to himself, his breath equally ragged. “Did I have anything to do with why you messed around on your own that night?”

Amy gulps. “Maybe.”

“What did you think about when you were getting off? Or were you watching porn– wait, do girls watch porn?”

“Yes, we do. But I wasn’t.”

Jake nods. “So... what were you thinking about?”

She seems to hesitate. But Jake can hear the repeated sounds of Amy’s motions at this point. It’s a delicious sound that has him ravenous for more. Ravenous for her.

“I w-was... thinking about you.”

“Really?” He wonders, in an unbearably cocky tone. “Me? And not young Al Gore?”

Amy snorts. “Shut up, Jake.”

“I’m getting such mixed signals here. First you touch yourself while thinking of me, and now you’re being so mean. Don’t get me wrong though, I love it. So... about your dirty thoughts of me– were you just whacking it to my handsome, super charming face or was I doing something?”

“We were...” Amy’s pace quickens. “We were at that playground. Where we were rehearsing.”

“Mm, scene of the crime. Go on.”

“And instead of leaving, you stayed. You held me against the ladder and kissed me and– we had sex.”

“Wow, that’s just way too many details there. How naked did we get, babe?”

“We were in public, so we didn’t get naked. But... you definitely undid a few buttons on my shirt. So you could feel more of me.”

“Mmm, of course, that’s exactly what I would’ve done. You wanted me to do all that to you on that playground, Ames?”

“A little.”

“We’ll get our chance, Amy. Because trust me, there’s... a lot I want and wanted to do to you at that playground.”

Amy moans softly. “You thought about me at that playground too?”

“Not that particular night, but yes of course I’ve thought about doing the nasty with you at that playground. It’s always so... quiet and hidden.”

“What... what did you think about a week ago, when you... when you...”

“A week ago? If I’m not wrong, I was having the crazy hots for you because you were wearing those super tight jeans... I think I just straight up imagined you naked, and on your knees– begging for my cock.”

Amy lets out a strangled sound of pleasure.

“Oh god, Jake...”

“Yeah I wasn’t too proud of myself for that fantasy, but then again, I’ve thought of darker things. God, I just wanna be in that shower with you, getting to touch you... getting to rub your pretty skin down with your soap...”

Amy can’t bring herself to form a coherent response. She’s close, and breaking her concentration would just result in a lot of disappointment on her end.

Jake groans. The way he’s been talking, breathing, it all alludes to the fact that he’s pleasuring himself too, and he’s about to climax.

“I keep– keep thinking ‘bout the way you begged me to shower with you during drama camp... you’re too tired to remember but you were so hot and heavy for me and I keep imagining what would’ve happened if I had stepped in with you...”

“Jake, I’m–“

She’s signaling for him to keep going because she’s so close and she needs this so bad.

“I want– I want you to suck me off while I wash your hair... I wanna fuck you against the steamy glass wall while hot water hits us–“

“Jake!” Amy cries out as her orgasm hits her, waves of pleasure crashing through her body relentlessly as she brings herself over the edge. Jake groans and exhales rapidly in a similar fashion, and as she hears him pant over the phone, she’s well aware that he came too.

“That was so good, Ames... you’re so good, fuck, you’re amazing...”

Amy basks in his praise, toweling herself dry as she becomes reacquainted with the cold again. She hastily gets herself dressed.

“I loved that too, Jake.” She settles rather loudly on her bed, letting him know where she is. “Now, are you ready for round two?”

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S CAR (EXTERIOR), 1406 HOURS, LEAVING NANA’S HOUSE (THE NEXT DAY)**

“You sure you kids don’t want to stay for dinner?” Nana asks disappointedly as they leave, all packed.

“Sorry, Nana. Mom wants me home earlier because she walked into my room and if I don’t clean it up we’re gonna need to call in an exterminator,” Jake explains, lying completely.

For starters, Karen has no idea he’s coming home earlier. But that doesn’t matter since she’s busy with work.

She won’t mind if he’s back home a few hours before he’s expected to be back, right?

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S CAR (INTERIOR), 1414 HOURS, ON WAY BACK TO BROOKLYN**

**_BABE I DID IT WE R COMIN BCK BABYYYYY_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Oh my god, Jake I’m so sorry_ **

 

* * *

 

**_what? why? whats rrong??_ **

 

* * *

 

**_I just got some insider information that there’s going to be a surprise quiz when school starts tomorrow, and it’s worth at least 10% of our grade. I have to study for it, so I’m not going to be good company, Jake. Raincheck?_ **

Jake groans, kicking the back of Rosa’s seat in anger.

“Hey! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Jake shakes his head. “Nothing. I was just... really looking forward to going back, and now everything is ruined.”

“Weren’t you going back early to clean your room?” Gina asks skeptically, even though her skepticism is also a ruse because she’s been certain since he opened his mouth that Jake’s excuse for needing to get back home early was a lie.

“Uh... yeah. Turns out my mom already got a head start on cleaning my room and... grouting. Just... so upset that I don’t get to... _grout_.”

“Do you even know what grout is?”

“Not even a little.”

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S CAR (EXTERIOR), 1503 HOURS, DROPPING JAKE OFF AT HOME**

“Thanks for sending me home early,” Jake says as he gets out of the car. “Hope you two have fun?”

“Why do you care?”

“Who said we were gonna have fun?”

He rolls his eyes affectionately. His friends are so dumb and in love with each other and they have no idea. Hah! Idiots.

Digging through his keys, Jake hears the sounds of his mother giggling behind the door. He’s curious– did she invite some friends over?

Jake finds his answer when he unlocks the door– finding out the worst possible thing ever, and instantly realizing why his mother was too busy to visit Nana.

She wasn’t busy with work. Because what Jake sees in front of him is far from it.

“Dad? What the hell are you doing here?”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 1508 HOURS, GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HELL**

“Jake, I can explain–“

“What’s there to explain, mom? You were kissing the devil! This is on you!”

“Jake–“ Roger (who is not! Jake’s! Dad!) reaches out to Jake, and for a moment Jake softens and listens to him. “This isn’t our fault, we thought you wouldn’t be back for a few more hours.”

Jake rolls his eyes. He’s an idiot. And so is his mother. In fact, he’ll even go so far as to say she’s an even _bigger_ idiot than him.

“Well, then I guess it’s my bad. Just pretend I wasn’t here, because I definitely don’t wanna be back here for a few hours. Maybe even forever!”

And with that, he storms off, not even bothering to shut or lock the door behind him. Roger Peralta can feel free to do that, if he still has the key to their house. Or remembers which floozy’s house he left it in.

“Jake, where are you going?” Karen calls out in concern, but it fails to draw Jake back home.

There’s only one person he wants to see now, and his mother’s far from being that person at the moment.

_Jake’s going to pay a visit to Amy Santiago._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u liked this innocent trip to see nana 
> 
> also I hoped this wasn’t underwhelming?? Chapter 15 and this chapter were initially meant to be one chapter but that’s too long soooooo 
> 
> Yeah I’m too tired to talk also yeah I know I’m posting this early I just needed to do something to make me happy


	17. i’m in love with a critic

**AMY’S DOORSTEP, 1529 HOURS, RINGING THE DOORBELL NERVOUSLY BECAUSE HE SHOULD NOT BE HERE**

Jake spends a good ten minutes at least delaying his arrival to Amy’s house. A small, more rational part of his mind gnaws at him, says visiting Amy is a bad idea— specifically because she said she was going to be busy.

But no matter how hard he tries, the anger and frustration welled up inside him refuses to go away. Which is probably a bad state to visit Amy in, but Jake knows that Amy’s the only person that can make him feel better.

Maybe he won’t even stay. He just wants to see her face, see her smile. He just wants to be with her, even for a second. He simply needs her, and every second he deprives himself of her company eats into his skin like a festering rot.

The door unlocks and Amy’s brothers answer the door. Yup. Brothers _plural_. Two of them.

Specifically, Amy’s twin brothers Louie and Luis.

“Do you two answer doors together like that all the time?”

They nod in synchronization.

“Yeah.”

“Kinda creepy, don’t you think?”

They smile. “Why do you think we do it?”

“Right.” Jake bites his lip. “So uh, I’m here to see Amy because–“

“Yeah we really don’t care why you’re here,” Louie shrugs, pulling the door open to let Jake in.

“Come on in!” Luis welcomes, treating Jake like he’s an old friend.

Jake walks past the twins and up the stairs to Amy’s room. That was... easier than he had expected.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S ROOM, 1532 HOURS, OPENING HIS LOVER’S DOOR**

“Go away–“ Amy groans monotonously until she realizes that it’s not one of her brothers being annoying. It’s Jake. “Oh... hey.”

“Hey, babe,” Jake greets, feeling a rush of emotion flush out anything negative he had in his heart. He was right, seeing her was all it took.

Amy sighs when Jake locks the door behind him.

“Jake, I meant what I said. I have to study for this test. You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know,” his eyes stray to Amy’s legs. More importantly, the skirt she’s wearing. “Why are you wearing a skirt to study?”

Amy purses her lips. “I... ran out of shorts and it was feeling kind of warm. Washing machine’s faulty.”

“Well, I’m not complaining. Works for me.”

Amy gives him a serious look. “Jake, we really shouldn’t mess around right now.”

“I know,” he nods understandingly, bending down and crawling under the table. “I never said you had to stop studying.”

As she finds Jake’s head in between her legs, Amy realizes very quickly what he’s trying to do. But before she can start on the importance of this test and how he could study with her too, Jake starts pressing gentle kisses along her inner thigh.

It dawns on Amy then, how much she has missed him, how badly she craves his touch, and a quiet moan drops from her trembling lips.

“So how’s studying going?” Jake asks conversationally as he slowly removes her underwear, kissing his way to the apex of her thighs before slipping his tongue in between her wet folds.

“It’s... it’s going.”

He smiles against her which just escalates every one of her senses; he has this way of drowning her in ecstasy every time he moves his lips against her.

“ _Going,_ huh? Going sounds good. You’re gonna ace this test, Ames. You’re so smart.”

As if the compliment regarding her intelligence wasn’t enough, Jake then proceeds to show her no mercy (tongue being his weapon), clearly aiming for a fast and overwhelming release. Amy barely has time to stifle her screams (which she does, by biting on her arm; desperate times call for desperate measures) before he succeeds at this with a frustrating ease.

Amy discreetly gasps for breath as Jake emerges from the table, smiling almost cheekily, but she spots something sincere about it too.

“Was that good?”

Amy rolls her eyes. “ _Good?_ What do you think?”

Jake grins, getting up and wiping his mouth clean (good god, may the lords have mercy on her soul). “Yeah, now you can study more effectively.”

Amy quirks up an eyebrow. “Effectively?”

“Mmhmm. I read somewhere that having sex can stimulate your brain or something? Releases some chemicals... I forgot the names. But yeah, it’s a thing. So now you’re not just gonna ace that test, you’re gonna ace- _plus_ that test.”

Amy’s entire heart melts. He’s kidding, right?

“So... I’m just supposed to study now?”

Jake nods, heading to her bed. “Yeah, that’s what you wanted to do, right? I’ll just hang here for a bit. Sorry, I promise I’ll be quiet– don’t feel like being home at the moment.”

Amy is completely taken away by this complete lack of selfishness. He... he’s respecting her wishes, whilst trying to help her achieve what she wanted (but more effectively). It’s oddly considerate, and it just makes Amy want to burn her books.

Okay, no. Burning books is crazy. She’d never hurt a book. She’s not _insane._ But yeah, she doesn’t feel like studying anymore. Not at the moment.

She grabs Jake by the arm in order to make him stay, prompting him to face her immediately.

“That chemical release thing you mentioned– is it really true?”

“Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a scout, Jake.”

“Yeah, that checks out. But I think it’s pretty true. And I’m a _scientist,_ so I can confirm that.”

Amy chuckles, planting a kiss on Jake’s lips. “Then let’s make me into a genius,” she slurs seductively.

“You already are one,” he murmurs against her lips as he kisses her back.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 1543 HOURS, BOW CHICKA WOW WOW**

Laughter bubbles up Amy’s throat as Jake takes off her shirt, tracing her plain white brassiere— a far cry from what she wore the first night they slept together. And to be fair, the only night they’ve slept together.

She mistakes the intensity in his gaze for disappointment.

“Sorry, no sexy underwear today.”

His gaze snaps, and he smiles tenderly at her.

“You know, as much as I liked the lacey stuff, I think I like your good girl underwear better.”

Amy’s confused. “My ‘good girl’ underwear?”

“Yeah,” he drawls. “Because you’re such a good girl–“ he removes said ‘good girl’ underwear with a grunt–“ _so good_ , Ames.”

She heaves, failing to keep her volume down as Jake satisfies his cravings for her skin.

“Amy, shhh...” he coaxes, his hot breath against her neck not helping matters. “Be the good girl that you are, so I can reward you.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 1604 HOURS, THEY BOW CHICKA’D SO HARD I WENT WOW WOW**

Amy hums contentedly, snuggling against Jake as she relaxes in a gratifying post-orgasm haze. Having Jake in her bed, where she so badly wanted him fills her with satisfaction to no end. She wants to keep him here for the rest of eternity. Just her, and Jake, making love till the world burns up in flames.

So yes, she is certifiably insane. She tilts her head up to look at Jake, but he’s not looking at her (for once). Instead, he’s got this faraway glint in his eyes that worries Amy. Like he’s in deep thought, upset and brooding over something.

“Jake? Are you okay?” Her voice drips with concern, and she sits up, continuing to hold him close. “Did I do something wrong?”

Jake whips his head to look at Amy immediately. “What? No babe, of course you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Was the sex _bad?_ ” she asks in an insecure tone.

“What? No, no, of course not!”

Amy breaks out into a cheeky grin. “I was just messing with you. I know I’m amazing in bed.”

Jake chuckles, filled with an indescribable bliss, his heart doused in unbridled joy. “Keep talking like that, and you’re gonna turn into me.”

“Keep _putting_ yourself into me like that, and I most certainly will,” she retorts flirtatiously, her bad sexual joke proving how Jake certainly is rubbing off on her (literally, in some ways).

Jake’s eyes glaze over with an insatiable lust once more. “Come here–“

He kisses her, but Amy pulls back with a stern look. “You still haven’t told me what’s wrong.”

He sighs, plopping himself down on Amy’s bed again, head landing down on one of Amy’s gazillion pillows. “Can’t we just have sex?”

“You’re clearly seeing it as an outlet to escape your problems, so no, not until you tell me what’s bothering you.”

Jake takes a deep breath. “It’s about... my mom.”

Amy grimaces, which Jake takes offense at. “Not like that! God, okay so– you know how I was at Nana’s? Yeah, usually my mom comes along with us but this year she didn’t because she had ‘work to do’. Except work was a complete lie and also a metaphor for _my dad._ ”

“Oh my god–“

“Yeah,” Jake bites his lip. “She was in the midst of hooking up with him when I came home. They were kissing, Amy, _kissing!_ Who does that?”

“Uh...”

“Okay yeah that was dumb I hear it now.”

Amy wraps her arm around Jake’s shoulders and gently squeezes his arm.

“I’m sorry that happened, Jake. You must have felt so betrayed.”

He looks up at her in a tender manner. “Yeah. I did. I was so mad at the both of them that I just walked out and... came here.” Jake sighs guiltily. “I’m sorry about that. I know you said you didn’t want me to be here and–“

“Hey, hey–“ Amy’s hands reach for Jake’s face–“I do want you to be here. And I’m really glad you’re here.”

She lets go of him, and his head tilts in a blush.

“I get it Ames, you’re super thirsty for the D–“

“Shut up!” She hits him on the shoulder, but they both collapse in heaps of giggles.

“And here I was, thinking you wanted me around for my rib-tickling sense of humor and in depth knowledge of the economy!”

Amy laughs even harder. “That makes no sense!”

“But you love it.”

“I actually do, which I can’t believe.”

He descends into bliss again, and he looks so grateful, like he’s just received a one-way ticket to paradise.

“In all seriousness, I’m so happy. Being with you. You make me so happy.”

Amy’s entire face dissolves into affection.

“Me too,” she says, smiling sweetly and then deviously. “Want me to make you _very_ happy now?”

Before Jake can respond, Amy’s climbed over to straddle his hips. It is very clear how easily and quickly this excites him, especially with the way Amy’s fingers slide up his taut skin. He also responds all too well to Amy slowly grinding against him.

“Oh my god, _yes please_.”

“Can you pass me that condom?”

“Oh uh,” Jake reaches behind him for the box of condoms in Amy’s opened drawer. “Just curious, why do you have so many? There’s gotta be at least fifty condoms in here. How active a sex life do you lead? Not judging or jealous. Okay, a little bit jealous. But just a little. Not of whoever’s touched you of course,” he lies nervously. “But um... of you. Wish I had an... active sex life. I’ll stop now.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “There used to be zero condoms in there, but then Kylie and I went out and she made me get those from her cousin’s sex shop. I believe her exact words were _‘don’t you go getting preggers on me, bitch’.”_

Jake laughs. “Well tell her thanks– I should pay a visit to that shop sometime, since we kinda exhausted my stock the last time you were around,” he winks.

“By _stock,_ I think you really mean the two condoms we used that were dangerously close to their expiry date.”

“Hey!” Jake whines. “We used three!”

This goes on for a while because Jake is an idiot, but Amy’s hands ripping open the condom packet is all it takes to properly shut Jake up again.

And for a long time after that, Jake and Amy don’t say more than a few words to each other at a time.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 1934 HOURS, GETTING CALLED DOWN FOR DINNER (BOW CHICKEN WOW WOW)**

“Kids! Dinner!”

Jake and Amy pull apart from each other mid-make out session, eyes filled with shock.

Amy especially, can’t believe how much time has passed. Has it really been hours? She sits up to look out the window, deflating in disbelief at the dark sky.

“Oh my god, oh my god.”

“Hey,” Jake sits up and attempts to calm Amy down. “It’s okay, your twin brothers know I’m here. We’ll just pretend we were doing homework or something.”

“No Jake, I’m not panicking because of that– I’m freaking out because I just wasted _hours_ of precious studying time!”

Jake seems to feel bad now. “Uh oh. Was it... _not_ your intention to waste hours of precious studying time?”

“No, Jake, of course not!”

“Tell that to the five used condoms sitting in your trash.”

Amy covers her face with her hands. “Oh my god, we stink of sex! We can’t go down like this.”

“Duh, we’re hecka naked right now, of course we can’t go downstairs yet. And who says sex even has a smell? You know what I think we stink of? _Innocence!_ ”

He’s trying, he really is.

“Jake...”

“Hey hey hey listen–“ Jake holds Amy’s arms tightly to calm her down. “It’s going to be fine. Let’s just get dressed, go downstairs, and be normal. Okay?” He searches around the bed for their clothes. “Here’s your bra... and– ooh! My shirt. See? We _got_ this!”

Amy can’t help but crack a smile, the panic she felt regarding the situation fading away because Jake just has a way of making things better. Just by being there.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1943 HOURS, DINNER TIME**

“So nice to see you again, Jacob.” Amy’s mother simpers as she dolls out more food on his plate. “A surprise, but nice all the same.”

“Sorry, I would’ve gone home but my mom just called to say that she’s on a date which means no dinner.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t worry, dear. Victor’s working overtime on that case again. I keep telling him to let it go, but he refuses to budge. So you can have his share for as long as you please.”

“Dad’s share?” Diego pipes up resentfully, eyeing Jake’s very full plate. “That looks like more than dad’s share to me.”

“Sorry,” Jake apologizes. Then, very very quietly and under his breath he mutters, _“boning your sister over and over again really works up an appetite.”_

“Say what now?”

Amy kicks Jake under the table at this, having heard him clearly, leaving them both to worry that Diego heard him too.

“Uh... nothing! Sorry for eating way too much.”

Camila scowls at Diego. “You keep your words to yourself– he’s a growing boy.”

“So am I!” Diego complains. “And I’m younger, so I have _more_ growing to do.”

“By this logic,” Luis cuts in. “Shouldn’t I get more food than Diego?”

“And as someone who was born two minutes after Luis,” Louie continues, “shouldn’t I get more food than everyone at this table? Aside from Leo, of course. We’ve now established that he is our new king.”

At this point in time, Camila Santiago has never missed her husband more.

“Does anyone have any other complaints unrelated to their dinner portions?” She snaps caustically at her children.

Diego raises his hand. “My ceiling was creaking earlier.”

Amy chokes on mashed potatoes, and Jake raps her back with a clenched fist, very afraid.

“I have no idea what Amy was getting up to in her room, but I was terrified. If I had a chandelier up in there? The great Diego Santiago would be no more,” he remarks, shoving a piece of broccoli in his mouth.

“Amy? What was going on in your room?” Mrs Santiago asks with a playful glint in her eye, sipping wine in a refined manner.

“Uh...”

“Maybe it wasn’t Amy,” Louie suggests.

“Yeah, maybe it was a ghost,” Luis says very pointedly to Diego, who narrows his eyes at his brothers.

Diego is terrified of ghosts, so he goes pale at this notion.

“Yeah,” Jake hops on Louie and Luis’s convenient excuse train. “Because Amy and I were just studying. The whole time.”

“Yes,” Amy continues. “Because I have a big test coming up. Tomorrow.”

“And I have the exact _same_ test,” Jake lies.

“Oh really? What subject is it for?” Diego asks suspiciously.

“Calculus,” Amy answers confidently, Jake gesturing to Amy as she answers. They are both very proud of themselves. Because this isn’t the movies or television, where two characters who don’t have their stories straight try to answer a question at the same time only to answer with two completely different things, causing them to awkwardly assert that the other person is right, leading to everyone catching onto their lie.

“Oh, calculus huh?” Diego nods, as if completely believing them. “Jake, what’s the derivative of X square?”

Oh crap. This is _totally_ the movies.

“Uh... ten?”

Diego smiles very knowingly. “That’s exactly right, Jake. You’re gonna ace this calculus test.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S DOOR, 2008 HOURS, SAYING GOODBYE TO JAKE**

“You know, maybe I should’ve taken calculus. I think I’m a natural,” Jake wonders naively as he walks out the door.

“No, Jake.” Amy sighs. Why does she allow herself to associate with someone who fails to display even the most rudimentary of mathematical abilities? Oh wait, he’s good in bed. Never mind. “Diego was messing with you. The derivative of X square is not ten.”

Jake looks betrayed. “What? Then what else could it be?”

 _Amy, remember,_ she tells herself, _he’s good in bed. Focus on that. Also he makes you laugh. Even though his atrocious math abilities are far from funny, remember how he makes you laugh._

“2X, Jake. It’s 2X.”

Jake sighs. “Yeah, that checks out. I mean, I don’t take calculus so, how was I supposed to know that?”

“I guess you weren’t, Jake. But I’m pretty sure Diego knows we weren’t studying in my room now.”

Jake exhales with slight anxiousness. “Right. Crap. Is he gonna rat us out?”

Amy shrugs with an added sigh. “I might have to bribe him.”

Amy mentally kisses 70 minutes of precious studying time good bye. Diego somehow has an affinity with making her life miserable. She’s lost count of the times he found blackmail-worthy information about her, lost count of the times he held the most ridiculous of things over her head. One time, she spelled Pluribus with two ‘R’s in an essay, and he somehow managed to find out while rummaging through the stuff in her room. She still helps him with his homework to this day out of fear that he’ll spread her shameful past.

Jake’s sincerely apologetic look makes this burden (known as her brother, Diego) feel much easier to overcome, though. “Let me know if there’s any way I can help with that? And also, good luck for your test. Even though you’re so smart you probably don’t need any.”

Amy flashes an effulgent smile. “Thank you. I’ll let you know how it goes. See you tomorrow, Jake.”

“Good night, babe,” he winks, biding his farewell quietly before whisking off into the night.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 2021 HOURS, ARRIVING HOME**

Jake had been looking forward to taking a shower, resting up in bed, and sleeping in for the next day when school was to reopen and rehearsal was to start up again.

However, he’s rudely reminded of why he walked out of his house in the first place, from the very second he arrives back home.

For one, his usually absent father is sitting at their dining table. _He’s still here._ He’s not gone, he hasn’t left at all– which is frustrating to Jake because leaving is the one thing he’s good at and he can’t even do that?

What makes matters worse is that they’re not worriedly pacing up and down the corridors of the house, praying to the heavens to send their son home safe.

They’re having dinner. _Candlelit_ dinner, and before they noticed Jake walk in they seemed _happy._ Who does that?!

Okay, once again, Jake now realizes how dumb that sounds. But were they at all bothered that he left?

“Jake,” Karen approaches him carefully, like trying to calm a wild animal. “I made baked ziti– do you want some?”

“I already ate.” He begins to walk away, thinking about how neither of them bothered to call him. Oh wait, his phone was flat. Never mind. That’s his bad.

“Jake, please sit down. We should talk about this like adults.”

Jake huffs. “You should’ve thought about that before I caught you two in the nasty act. I’m going to my room.”

Neither of his parents try to stop him, so Jake makes his way to his room uninterrupted. But he doesn’t stop there.

Just like earlier this afternoon, Jake can’t stand being at home for another second. He locks his door and starts packing his bag– he stuffs a set of sleepwear and clothes to wear to school the next day.

And then he charges his phone. Which... takes much longer than a second. But even though he’s angry, being contactable is important.

After his phone is sufficiently charged, he pries open his window and hops out, effectively leaving his home. It’s not at all difficult to do this, because as it always has been, Jake’s bedroom is on the ground floor of the house.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S FIRE ESCAPE, 2124 HOURS, CLIMBING UP TO AMY’S ROOM**

Unlike escaping from his room, sneaking up to Amy’s room and thus breaking into the Santiago household proves to be a much more challenging task. But his desire to see Amy outweighs any fear of falling to his death.

Thankfully, he manages to avoid the latter and reaches Amy’s window. He sees her sitting at her desk, obviously studying, her hair falling down her shoulders beautifully. Always so beautiful.

Gently, he taps on the window, smiling as Amy freezes, looking left and right. He taps the window harder this time, and succeeds in making Amy turn around. He laughs at how shocked she looks, clearly unable to believe that he’s there. He nearly falls in his amusement, but thankfully manages to grab onto part of the fire escape structure.

Amy hurriedly opens the window, beckoning him inside as she had seen him almost fall and injure himself.

“Jake, what are you doing back here?” she demands to know in a harsh whisper.

“Look, I’ll totally get out if you really don’t want me here, but when I went home my dad was still there and they were having some stupid romantic dinner. I don’t think they even bothered to look for me.”

Amy’s face softens in sympathy. “Oh Jake, I’m so sorry that happened.”

Jake settles on Amy’s bed with a sigh. “So yeah, I recklessly packed a bag, waited for my phone to charge, and snuck out. The only place I wanted to go was here. I’m sorry, you can just pretend I’m invisible.”

Amy sits next to Jake on the bed, and takes his hand. “I can never pretend you’re not there. But don’t you need to go back home to get ready for school tomorrow?”

Jake unzips his bag, which has everything he needs for school (a pencil) and a change of clothes for bed and for school the next day.

“I’m all set. But look, if you’re worried about anyone finding out–“

Amy shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. You can stay here tonight. We’ll just keep the door locked. My mom hardly checks up on me this time of night anyway.”

Jake smiles gratefully. “Thanks for letting me rent your bed for the night.”

“Well, it’s going to cost you,” Amy teases.

“Can I pay in sex?”

Amy blushes. “Jake, we shouldn’t have sex anymore. It’s a school night.”

“What? Ugh, fine.” He takes a deep breath. “So what were you planning to do? Still want to hit the books?”

Amy looks disdainfully at her desk. “You know what? It’s just calculus. I already did a practice test and got everything right. Studying more would just be overkill at this point, right?”

Jake nods readily. “Right! I _totally_ know how much studying is necessary for different subjects. So what do you wanna do now?”

“Hmm... I haven’t showered yet.”

Jake gets a wide, cheeky grin on his face and leans on her desk dramatically with an elbow. “Hey Amy, do you have a minute to talk about the environment?”

Amy rolls her eyes, but her cheeks are red. “You want us to shower together.”

“Just think about all the water we would save!”

“Fine, but we can’t have sex in there either, Jake.”

“Right, school night.”

“And also, I’m not sure how well condoms work with all that water and soap...”

“Oh yeah.” Jake grimaces. “Good call.”

Amy walks to her closet and opens it up, intending to pick out clothes to change into after the shower. This was supposed to be a mundane task, but she didn’t expect Jake to get so excited over seeing her wardrobe.

“Oh my god– it’s all your clothes.”

He rushes forth in complete awe. If Amy didn’t know better, she would’ve thought her clothes were lined with gold and silver.

“Yes, Jake.” Amy says this incredulously, snorting at his amazement. “My closet does in fact contain all my clothes.”

“It’s like a museum– hey! It’s all the blazers from the pantsuits you wore in freshman year.” He looks through them, surprised to find a few that’s bigger than all the others, and also of a design he doesn’t remember Amy sporting. “Is this a new pantsuit?”

Amy’s lips tighten. “Uh... no?”

“You’re just waiting for the right time to start wearing them again, aren’t you?”

“I mean... they’re important for job interviews and stuff. And it’s professional workplace attire.”

Jake grins. “Just say you like wearing them.”

“Fine, I like wearing them. And I know Gina said that my pantsuits should be burned on the stake for disrespecting fashion but–“

“Hey!” Jake cuts in assuringly. “It’s _your_ fashion. And you look good in everything, so who cares?” Jake hums dreamily as he regards the blazer. “Now I’m wondering what you’d look like wearing _only_ this.”

Amy turns bright red, grabbing the blazer and hanging it back in her closet.

“Aww!” He bemoans this with a playful smile. “You sure you don’t wanna put that on?”

“Not today, Jake.”

The prospect of that happening someday, is good enough for Jake. He continues to look through Amy’s closet, hitting jackpot when he pulls out a shirt that gets Amy wishing she had barred him from looking in her closet at all.

“ _Funky Cats And Their Feisty Stats?_ ” he snorts, as he examines the shirt. “What even is this?”

Amy sighs, hating everything about this. “Math camp shirt.”

Jake’s jaw drops and he looks so excited about this that Amy doesn’t know whether to be embarrassed or touched that he cares so much.

“Please, _please_ wear this,” Jake hands the shirt to Amy earnestly, and she reluctantly takes it with a sigh.

“Is it your life’s goal to embarrass me?”

“Obviously,” he teases. “Letting me into your life was the biggest mistake you’ve ever made.”

“Hmm, you’ve certainly tricked me. And here I was thinking you wanted to pick out something sexy for me to wear.”

Jake’s eyes darken but his voice remains playful. “Oh Amy, when are you going to get that anything you put on is sexy?”

If it were at all possible to blush a beetroot red, that would be the color staining Amy’s cheeks.

“You’re just saying that.”

“Well, you can choose not to believe me, but that’s how I feel.” Jake turns back to the closet, palms held together contemplatively. “Now does that shirt come in a matching set or–“

“Nope. Besides, shorts are all out of stock at the moment.”

“I know,” Jake says, glancing at the skirt Amy still sports appreciatively.

“So it’s either pants or–“

“You go commando!” He suggests excitedly.

“No, Jake!”

“But why not!” He whines. “Pants are just gonna slow me down– but then again... your ass does look amazing in–“

“Jake, it’s getting late.” Amy reminds him. As much as she enjoys his compliments, the clock is ticking.

“Right. You pick.”

Amy grabs a pair of yoga pants, and then reaches for her underwear drawer. Right before that though, she pauses, looking at Jake who seems like he’s about to receive a million dollars.

“Go on, Amy.” He poorly conceals his glee. “What are you waiting for?”

“I’m waiting for you to head into the bathroom first, you pervert.”

“Amy, I’ve been inside you. Is showing me your underwear drawer that big a deal?”

She crosses her arms smugly. “If it’s not that big a deal, then why do you want to see them so badly?”

She shoves Jake away, and he reluctantly heads into the shower.

“Well now that you’re hiding it from me, I’m really curious!” He shuts the door behind him which prompts Amy to open the drawer. “Do you have something really kinky in there?”

She keeps silent, smiling to herself.

“Oh my god, you have something _super_ kinky in there.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S SHOWER, 2135 HOURS, SHOWER TIME WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

“Why aren’t you naked?” Amy asks as she enters the bathroom, hiding her underwear from Jake to spite him.

He smirks. “Was I supposed to be?”

“Do you shower with your clothes _on?_ ”

“I just thought it would be rude for me to get naked before you arrived.” Jake glances down briefly. “Also uh, I just realized this is kinda the first time you’ll see me naked in an unsexual context, so I’m a little freaked out.”

“Oh yeah,” Amy frowns, looking worried.

“I’m talking about you seeing me naked, not me seeing you, Ames. You’re like, super hot– you have nothing to worry about.”

Amy takes offense at this. “Hey! I like your body too.”

“To be fair, your eyes are shut most of the time, so...”

Amy blushes. He’s sort of right. “Okay, I guess I understand your concerns. What about this? We just take our clothes off really fast, focus on showering, and then just... be done with it?”

“I like that.” Jake points at Amy affirmatively. “Ooh! Let’s see who can get naked faster!”

“What does the winner get?”

“Hot water privileges.”

Amy holds her hand out. “I’m sold!”

They shake hands, calculatingly waiting for the perfect opportunity to let go before they start stripping.

Jake and Amy both start off strong, whipping their shirts off in under a second— but Amy quickly realizes the problem she has. Jake only has his jeans to take off before he wins, whereas she has a skirt, panties, and most burdensomely, a bra to remove.

Although Amy has sharpened her skills over the years and can now remove her bra with an impressive speed, she knows that if she doesn’t slow Jake down– she’s going to lose.

Desperately, Amy lunges forth, wrapping an arm around Jake’s leg to prevent him from removing his jeans. Simultaneously, she uses her other arm to unhook her bra and slip out of it.

“Hey!” Jake complains, even though he has to admit there’s something arousing about Amy’s desperation to get naked. “You’re cheating!”

He’s unable to grumble for long, because the moment Amy lets go of Jake she stands up and drags her skirt down, along with her underwear, laughing victoriously at Jake who pulls his jeans down a second too late.

“Hah! I win,” she flaunts her victory in Jake’s face, but it’s very obvious, from the way Jake’s eyes trace Amy’s body, that he isn’t at all concerned about winning any longer.

Because technically, looking at Amy’s body, he’s already won. There’s something enticing about it– he’s seen Amy naked a bunch of times already (haha because they had sex, get it? nice) but never has she been standing up, parading around, as if rubbing how viciously hot she is in his face.

Jake is so distracted by Amy’s gorgeous body, and the new angle with which he views it in, that he doesn’t hear the rest of whatever Amy’s taunt was.

He’s blown away again when Amy turns around to walk into the shower, allowing his gaze access to her ass, in all its naked glory.

Again, he’s seen Amy’s ass before. Caught glimpses, stole looks as she moved around in bed with him, grabbed onto it for dear life, caressed it– but getting to watch her walk away like this takes his breath away.

“Jake? Are you coming or not?” She crosses her arms. “Are you upset that I won all the hot water? I wasn’t going to hog all of it–“

Jake enters the shower in a trance like state as Amy talks, the latter shutting up and even shivering when his hand slides down the curve of her behind.

“Jake...” he lightly slaps her ass, which shocks Amy. Jake laughs at the look on Amy’s face.

“Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”

Amy appreciates the sentiment, but her unwillingness to let Jake get away with being the only mischievous one has her getting revenge by slapping Jake on the ass as well. Hard, with much more force than employed by him.

He gasps. “Oh, it is on.”

This starts an impromptu ass slapping match, where they just... keep slapping each other’s butts. Out of sheer need to get revenge because the other slapped their butt first. It’s not a malicious fight, because they actually break out into giggles at some points, but Jake eventually throws in the towel.

“Okay, my ass is this close to getting another crack– can we call a truce?”

Amy smirks. “Asking to call a truce is as good as admitting defeat, Jake. So I guess I won this round too.”

“Hey, you cheated that first time!”

Amy’s arms encircle Jake’s waist, and she presses herself against him tantalizingly.

“Are you sure I cheated?”

Jake exhales with want. “No, no you totally didn’t cheat.”

Amy slides a hand up Jake’s naked torso, fingers gently playing with his nipple.

“Really? Because I thought me holding your leg to stop you from getting your jeans off was against the rules.”

“No,” Jake shuts his eyes as Amy kisses his chest, tracing her way up to his collarbone with her lips. He hates himself for his complete lack of backbone, but it is literally impossible to go against Amy’s wishes when she holds her body this close to him. “You totally won that fair and square, babe.”

Amy smiles slyly. “Good,” then reaches behind her to turn on the shower.

Cold water drenches the both of them and they yelp and hop away from the freezing spray.

“Oh my god,” Amy turns it off with a shudder, then frowns. “Diego must’ve used up all the hot water again, ugh.”

“Do we wait for it to get hot again, or?” Jake asks. “What’s the plan here?”

“I mean, I guess we should brave the cold for a little while to get wet enough to soap ourselves up.”

Jake turns the shower on, ensuring it’s at a manageable pressure so they aren’t too overwhelmed by the freezing temperatures. He carefully wets his hair and skin which doesn’t take too long, then assists Amy, trying his best not to make her cold.

When Jake replaces the shower head, Amy starts pumping dollops of soap into her hand, to Jake’s horror.

“Hey! You’re hogging all the fun stuff!”

Amy looks incredulously at him. “Fun stuff?”

“Yeah, if you scrub your own body with soap then what am I supposed to do?”

Amy’s eyes crinkle with laughter. “Wash your own body?”

Jake groans. “That’s so boring, Ames. I wanna touch you.”

A deviousness overtakes Amy’s face and she begins to rub her body gel in between her hands.

“Jake, you really think getting to touch you is boring?”

“I mean, depends on where–“

Amy’s hand goes between Jake’s legs and wraps around him, the rest of Jake’s sentence dying as it turns into a tiny gasp. She pumps him slowly and smiles as she sees his body eagerly respond. It’s almost fascinating, but then Amy refocuses her attention on Jake’s face, who is taken aback in the best way by all of this.

“Amy...”

“Jake... I honestly think I’m going to have to disagree with you here.”

He grabs onto a pipe to steady himself, and Amy marvels at the way his fist tightens around the metal. She has all the control here, complete control, and she loves it.

With a single hand, she gets Jake crumbling and weak for her touch. It fills her with an unspeakable power.

“I think I actually like touching you, Jake. I don’t find it boring at all,” Amy drawls in a seductive whisper.

Jake’s voice hitches in arousal which Amy pretends to interpret as dissent.

“What’s that, Jake? You still think it’s boring? Should I stop?”

Jake’s eyes fly open in fear and he shakes his head.

“No, please, babe you feel so good–“ his hands hold her arms as if to keep them in place–“so good, please don’t stop...”

Amy quickens her pace which sends Jake against the wall, barely surviving the unbelievable pleasure of her touch. She leans into his body, pressing him into the ceramic tiles.

“You like getting touched like this? By me?”

“Yes...” Jake breathes. “Please Ames, you’re so good... feels so good...”

“You like my hands?” Amy continues to ask, speeding up her movements, tightening her grip, making him gasp in pleasure.

“YES!”

She shushes him, even slowing down as punishment because it would be highly detrimental should anyone hear them, lest find out what they’re doing. “Oh Ames... I need...”

She knows exactly what he needs. Deciding that enough is enough, Amy quickly finishes Jake off, going so fast and touching him in such phenomenal ways that he comes without warning. She watches him appreciatively the entire time.

“Can’t believe that was... inside me,” she remarks as Jake comes down from his dizzying climax, giving him one last stroke as she looks up at his face.

He’s still in a haze of arousal. For the most part.

“Yeah, I’m huge, I know,” he grins. “Give me a time out and some Gatorade and I’ll be more than _happy_ to put that inside you again,” he licks his lips, remembering Amy’s rule about not having sex. Maybe in her book, handjobs are okay, but penetration’s a no go? “Or... I could eat you out. Or I could do nothing– wait, no. You deserve _something_ for changing my life. What do want? Money? Books? Honestly, I would give you my entire trust fund if you asked.”

Amy snorts at this. “Jake, you don’t have a trust fund.”

“I’m still holding out hope that my real dad isn’t Roger Peralta but is instead a super rich, super handsome dude who had no idea I existed. Ergo, I would have a father who didn’t abandon me! He just had no idea I existed!”

He’s so innocently hopeful about this prospect, it’s almost as if Amy didn’t just give him a filthy (or, depending on how you see it because soap was involved, super clean) handjob a few minutes ago.

“That sounds great, Jake,” she says assuringly.

“But yeah, it’s probably not gonna happen, so trust funds are off the table. What’s it gonna be then, babe? You want me to touch you? Kiss you? I’m all yours, any way you want me.”

Amy stares at him, not quite able to speak, wrestling with how uncomfortably turned on she is by him basically offering himself to her. During her silence, Jake takes the opportunity to get some soap in his hands and begins rubbing it down her body.

She swallows thickly, her body sensitive and all too receptive to his touch. “Jake, I–“

“I know, I know, you wanted to rub yourself down in front of me so I could be sad and jealous because you love being a huge tease– but I’m just helping you out here because your hands have got to be tired after pumping my extra extra large–“

Jake is interrupted by a slap to his shoulder.

“Shut up!” She says with a laugh, wishing there was a TED Talk she could show him regarding this issue. “Size doesn’t matter, so stop acting so cocky–“ she realizes her poor word choice a second too late as he bites his lip at this–“don’t.”

“I’m not saying anything. And I agree, it’s not the size of the tool, it’s how you use it,” he winks.

Amy sighs, but lets him have this one. He’s such a tool. “Besides, the reason I wanted to wash myself was because you’re only interested in touching my... you know.”

Jake grins. “You mean... your sexy parts?”

Amy tilts her head down in a half-nod. “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

His grin widens. “Well, you don’t have to worry– because every part of your body is sexy and even if I didn’t think that, I’m _thorough._ ”

“Right,” Amy snorts. “Which is why your hands haven’t left my boobs since you started lathering my body.”

Jake’s hands, after pausing momentarily upon being caught in their bias, immediately move down to her waist, spreading the soap on her body more evenly.

“That’s _because_ I’m very thorough. I can’t help it if your boobs are filthy.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “My boobs are filthy?”

“Yup. You know what else is filthy? Your butt.”

His hands travel down to cup her rear and Amy bites her lip. A strange, abstract image of Amy covering herself in dirt just to have an excuse to ask Jake to help get her clean forms in her mind, and Amy is grateful when the thought evaporates as quickly as it had strangely appeared.

“You know, I don’t get why you’re so judge-y about where I give more focus to– your hands never left my penis when you were cleaning me,” he teases.

“That was– that doesn’t count,” Amy says defensively. “And I didn’t see you complaining.”

He just shakes his head, unfazed. “Why would I? It was one of the best moments of my life. I’m glad your hands never left my dong. That was the best hand job I’ve gotten ever. _Myself included._ ”

Amy laughs, thankfully able to do so as Jake’s soaping up her back. It still feels fantastic, but not so much so that she’s incapable of joking around with Jake.

“Are you sure that’s not the first hand job you’ve ever gotten?”

“Of course not.”

“Excluding yourself, Jake.”

“Oh then yes, definitely.”

Amy chuckles. “So really, you don’t actually have a basis of comparison.”

“Don’t need one,” Jake retorts assuredly. “You’re super good at everything, and that includes handjobs now.”

Amy smiles, then looks down at Jake’s hands, which are still all over her already very foamy body. “Okay, Jake, I think that’s enough.”

Jake nods, removing his hands with only slight reluctance and quickly soaps up his own body. Amy uses this time to properly clean between her legs, because Jake thankfully had the sense not to try.

She rubs shampoo into her hair after that, with Jake helping to scrub and massage her scalp. He even helps her condition her hair. His fingers feel amazing, which makes the decision to shower with him completely worth it. When they’re done, Amy turns the water on, and they both sigh in relief at the hot water that hits their skin.

“God, that feels so good,” Jake moans in delight.

“The hot water must be working again,” Amy remarks as she rinses soap out of her hair.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S SHOWER, 2157 HOURS, GETTING DRESSED WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

Jake laughs to himself as Amy puts on her math camp shirt, which resembles a misshaped dress more than anything. “That thing’s huge. Did you get the wrong size or what?”

Amy sighs, praying that Jake will never get his hands on pictures of her attending math camp. “It was kind of a one size fits all thing?”

“That’s amazing. Honestly, I’ve never seen anything that screams _‘I’m a virgin’_ harder than this shirt.”

The shirt is some faded, gross orange color, with all sorts of differently (but all badly) drawn cats that appear to be conquering the world with math. Or to be more accurate, just stuff related to math in general. Cats are wielding rulers as swords, using protractors as ninja stars, and filling up their canons with numbers. Said numbers are drawn to look like cartoon bombs, and honestly the shirt looks cute, albeit super nerdy.

There’s no shame in being a virgin, but Amy still takes offense at this. “Hey! I’m not a virgin.”

“I’m well aware of that, Ames,” he winks, and Amy’s cheeks heat up once again.

“Oh, right.”

“And even if you were, I’d voluntarily change that about you.”

Amy smirks proudly. “Even in this shirt?”

“Especially seeing how that’s the only thing you’re currently wearing? Definitely.”

Amy attempts to spite him by pulling on her pants immediately.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 2206 HOURS, BED TIME WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

Amy inches closer to Jake as she pulls the covers over them, enjoying getting to go to bed with him immensely.

“I really love this,” Jake tells her as she shuts off the lights. “I wish every day could end like this. Us going to sleep together.”

Amy’s eyes glaze over at his sweetness. “I wish that too.”

“Even though I keep distracting you from studying?”

Amy narrows her eyes at him. “Hey, I _chose_ to stop studying for the night. I would’ve done that whether you were here or not.”

“Mmhmm,” Jake hums patronizingly, which ticks Amy off, and she turns away from Jake, moving as far away as she can on the bed.

“Hey!” he complains. “Oh come on, you know you could totally distract me from studying for a huge test.”

Amy snorts. “Jake, that really isn’t saying much.”

“Yeah, copy that. I’m still not sure how studying works.”

Amy turns back around. “Then maybe I should teach you.”

“Hmm. Sounds fun.”

Amy looks skeptically at him. There’s no way she’s going to believe that Jake ‘I Only Do Homework If They Threaten Me With Death’ Peralta would find studying fun. “Fun? You actually mean that?”

“Anything with you is fun.”

She gives him a kiss for that. She loves how sweet he is, how he makes her feel so influential and special and wanted. There was a long period of time in her life where Jake would be the last person on earth she’d spend eternity with. Now, if asked what she’d take with her to an abandoned island, Jake would be the first item on her list. Followed very closely by books and food. Romance is good and all, but Amy is still a practical person.

“I know you’re just saying that... but it was still nice.”

“No, no, I mean it.” Jake’s fingers trace the back of Amy’s shirt. “You could make me do anything, honestly.”

“Even your homework?”

He chuckles. “Don’t you remember how you manipulated me into doing that essay?”

Amy simpers proudly. “Of course.” She props her head up. “Hmm... I wonder how I can make that happen again.”

“I’m not sure myself, but it probably involves a lot of sex,” Jake grins audaciously.

“Or– it involves _withholding_ sex.”

Jake’s entire face falls. “No, no, that’s not it.”

“Yes, I think it is– I can just picture it now: ‘Jake, no sex until you finish that assignment’ or ‘Jake, if you don’t contribute to this pair project no sex for a week’ or ‘Jake, get an A for this test or you won’t see me naked for a month’–“

This all horrifies Jake, and he desperately stops Amy from going on by kissing her. Amy giggles against his lips, and Jake pulls away.

“I honestly think a reward system would work way better here, babe.”

“Nah, I think I prefer the stick-method over the carrot.”

“I have no idea what that means but I’m assuming stick is a metaphor for my penis and carrot is the sucky no sex thing because carrots are disgusting— point is, we’re on the same page.”

Amy laughs, unable to believe how he twisted the meaning of the commonly know carrot-stick discipline strategy into something that fit his stand so well, in the dirtiest way.

“Jake, that’s–“

“You know, Ames, I honestly think withholding sex from me is bad for the both of us.” He slides his hand up Amy’s shirt, and she shivers at the contact he makes with her skin. “If you don’t touch me, I don’t get to touch you...”

He lifts up her shirt as if in a frenzy, tongue playfully circling her nipple.

“J-Jake...” Amy heaves, trying her best to keep her volume down.

“You’re just so fun to touch Ames, love touching you,” he whispers as his hand slips under her pants, which gets her squirming against him.

“I love you– _touching me too,_ ” Amy blurts unevenly, nearly stopping Jake’s heart with her first few words.

“Oh wait–“ Jake stops, pulling his hand away. “I’m sorry I forgot, no sex on a school night.”

Amy glares at him as he whisks through his fake apology.

“Jake,” she warns.

“Yup, I know. My bad. Time for bed,” Jake continues to fake apologize and frustrate Amy as he lies back down on his side of the bed.

Amy glowers at Jake. “Jake, don’t do this.”

“Do what?” he asks innocently. “I’m just following the rules, Amy.”

“That’s complete bull, Jake. Touch me.”

He pokes her in the arm. “Done.”

Amy huffs, anger and throbbing arousal simmering. “Can you stop pretending you don’t want this?”

“Do I want this?” He asks, like a challenge that Amy accepts without question.

Her first move is to remove her shirt, then getting completely naked to be as appealing to Jake as she can. Unfortunately, Jake turns away from her to prevent himself from getting tempted, which is bad since tempting Jake was kind of the basis of her plan.

“Jake...” she taps him on the shoulder. “Don’t you wanna look?”

“Nope, because I am _determined_ to follow the no sex on a school night rule.”

“Well then I’m revoking that rule.”

“Nah, it’s my rule now too. You were right, Ames, sex on a school night is a _terrible_ idea.”

Amy hates Jake Peralta’s guts. But at the same time, she really needs to have sex with him right now.

“Jake, if you don’t touch me... I’m going to touch myself,” Amy threatens, failing to consider the uselessness of her words as an actual threat.

Jake turns around, very interested in this prospect. “Really? Go ahead, Ames, I would love that.”

Amy frowns, because she doesn’t want to do that at the moment. Why touch herself when Jake would feel so much better?

“But I wouldn’t love that. I want you, Jake. Please?”

Jake shakes his head. “Not gonna cut it, babe.”

Amy’s frustration threatens to reach a maximum point. What does he want, exactly? She can tell he’s hard, it’s very obvious he wants her, yet he’s trying to make her work for it for some annoying reason.

“Jake... I don’t think I can sleep if you don’t _fuck_ me first,” she sees him gulp at her use of the expletive, which is a good sign. Maybe she should just list out as many dirty words as she can and hope it works out?

But then again, that would just be a really weird thing to do.

“That so?”

“Mmhmm,” she nods, whispering her words into his neck. “How am I supposed to ace that calculus test if you don’t shove your big, beautiful–“

Jake’s restraint falls apart and he crashes hungrily against Amy’s lips, pressing against her in all the right ways.

“You really need me that bad?” he rasps in between kisses.

“Mmhmm, so bad. I’d just be thinking of you all day, and nothing else–“ Amy smiles at the way Jake grunts at this. “Did I win?”

“Obviously,” Jake affirms, kissing his way down her curves. “Didn’t think you’d call my penis beautiful, but it weirdly worked.”

She arches her hips against him, but tries to concentrate well enough to form a reply.

“It’s beautiful, Jake. I stand by it. I also had a feeling it would work because you are a huge sucker for compliments. You love getting praised more than anyone I know.”

Well, apart from herself of course. Amy loves praise and validation too. Perhaps, they are made for each other in this aspect.

“Tread carefully, Ames.”

She smirks. “Oh please, we all know what a thirsty ass bitch you are.”

He laughs, against his will, which makes Amy laugh too.

They laugh and they laugh, until they stop laughing and get caught up in breathing instead. Breathing becomes something that gets increasingly harder for them, until all they can do is breathe and desperately gasp for air.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 0209 HOURS, GETTING WOKEN UP BY PHONE NOTIFICATIONS**

Amy jerks up at the sudden and relentless buzzing of her phone, getting flooded with messages which she reaches over to check in desperation to stop the noises.

**_guys_ **

**_THERES A SURPRISE TEST TOMORROW_ **

 

* * *

 

**_what??????? what the hell m8 its 2am_ **

 

* * *

 

**_LMAO Then what are you doing up matey_ **

 

* * *

 

**_check mr gs facebook status dudes he went on a date n it was bad that always means a surprise test_ **

 

* * *

 

**_oh shitttt how bad was it_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Drink spilled on him bad it was nice knowing you all_ **

 

* * *

 

**_why did any of us think taking this subject was a good idea why did no one warn us_ **

**_hey would it be chill if mr g died_ **

 

* * *

 

**_not if he was murdered but like im all for some natural causes_ **

 

* * *

 

**_what if it... looked like natural causes_ **

“Babe?” Jake squints at the glare of the light coming from Amy’s phone, having woken up after not feeling Amy’s body lying next to him. “What’s wrong?”

Amy sighs, turning off notifications and locking her phone. “There’s a surprise test tomorrow.”

“Yeah, calculus, you already studied–“

“No, Jake,” Amy gets up, rushing to get out her history notes and turning on her desk lamp. “There’s going to be one for history too.”

“What?” Jake sits up. “That sucks.”

“I know, and now I have to study for it.” She turns around, seeing Jake rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Jake, it’s fine, you can go back to sleep. I’ll come back to bed when I’m done.”

Jake shakes his head. “Nope, I’m staying up. Someone’s gotta make sure you don’t overwork yourself and stay up all night like a crazy person.”

He ends up dozing off with his head against the wall after ten minutes, but it’s the thought that counts.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 0432 HOURS, WAKING UP**

Jake wakes up with a start, his back aching and neck strained weirdly from falling asleep in an upright position. As he massages himself, he looks up and sees Amy’s head plopped over her books. She fell asleep studying. Of course.

Not wanting her to face the same pain of having a crick in her neck when she wakes, Jake hobbles over to her desk and picks Amy up with both arms, letting her lean her head against his chest as he carries her back to bed.

She stirs feebly and cracks open her eyes. “Jake?”

“Time for bed, babe,” he tells her as he sets her down, tucking them both back under the covers.

Amy realizes what happened, and panics because she’s nowhere near done with studying. She scrambles to get out of bed again.

“Amy, what are you doing?”

“I can’t fail that test Jake, I–“

He grabs her, not letting her climb out of bed. “Ames, you’re exhausted. Studying anything would be useless– just go to sleep, okay?”

Amy looks worried. “But, I didn’t–“

“You’ll be fine, you’re super smart, and you’ll definitely do better than everyone for the test.” He strokes her hair in an effort to calm her down, tucking stray hairs behind her ear. “If you try and study it’s just gonna be worse,” he kisses her on the forehead. “Just don’t think about it so much.”

Amy takes a deep breath, and lets herself get soothed to sleep by Jake’s gentle caresses.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 0700 HOURS, AMY’S ALARM IS UP AND READY TO GO GO!**

Jake jerks up in shock at the blaring and terrifying screech of Amy’s alarm clock, which sounds more like a death threat than a prompt to get out of bed.

“Why would you do that to yourself every morning?” Jake asks as Amy shuts off her alarm.

“Because it’s effective, and I’m used to it by now.”

“Well, I’m not!” Jake complains.

“Doesn’t matter, you don’t live here,” Amy puts on her shirt and moves to her closet to pick out her outfit for the day. “Besides, you’re up, and that’s good because I was worried you’d make me late for school.”

“I can still do that if you’re up for it,” Jake winks, but Amy’s having none of it.

“Nope. We need to hurry up and wash up, and get dressed, because you still need to climb down the fire escape.”

Jake chortles. “You sure I can’t come down with you and say goodbye to your mom?”

Amy rolls her eyes, throwing Jake’s bag at him.

“Go brush your teeth. And make sure you brush longer than two seconds this time, or I’m never kissing you again.”

Jake looks pale at this prospect. “I’ll brush my teeth for two _hours._ ”

Amy’s face descends into panic at this. “Jake! That’s overkill! Please don’t do that!”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S WINDOW, 0734 HOURS, CLIMBING DOWN THE FIRE ESCAPE WHICH IS WAY EASIER THAN CLIMBING UP THANK GOD BECAUSE JAKE’S LEGS ARE NOT READY FOR CLIMBING UP A FIRE ESCAPE AT THIS TIME OF THE MORNING**

“Be careful on your way down, Jake,” Amy reminds as Jake steps out of the window.

“Or, be super reckless and race you to see who can reach your doorstep first?” He suggests cheekily, earning him a scowl from Amy.

“Jake if you get hurt falling down the fire escape, I’m going to kill you.”

“Got it,” Jake kisses Amy quickly on the lips before he starts his climb. “See you down there.”

Amy smiles. “See you too.”

_And that’s the last they ever saw of each other._

 

* * *

 

**NO THAT’S NOT THE LAST THEY SEE OF EACH OTHER WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?, 0738 HOURS, I’M SORRY THAT WAS UNCOOL ANYWAY AMY’S WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS**

“Hey,” Diego stops her on the way down the stairs, eyes dreary and scarred. Amy isn’t concerned because that’s how he always looks in the morning.

“Yeah?” She asks, wanting to leave quickly because Jake’s probably already waiting for her downstairs.

“Look, I know I said I wasn’t going to mention it, but when you start sneaking him in for overnight–“

Amy’s eyes widen in shock. “How... how did you...”

“How could I have not known? You were being _very_ loud!” He spits this uncomfortably, prompting Amy to shush him.

Amy crosses her arms in an unsettled, very much grossed out manner. How did Diego hear them? She was trying to be quiet too!

“Anyway, as um, sex positive as I am, it’s not fun listening to you–“

“I get it, Diego.”

“Just saying, I had to blast ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’ way too many times to save myself from the torture.” Diego rubs his ears. “And when that stopped working, I had to blast Fall Out Boy. Now ‘Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued’ is stuck in my head! I would’ve listened to ‘The Carpal Tunnel Of Love’ but the song title itself reminded me too much of what I was trying to avoid.”

“Okay I get it, you won’t hear a peep from me ever again.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’ve never had– I mean, uh... nothing.”

Amy smirks at this. “Who did you have over, Diego?”

“No one! Jehovah was never here!”

“I never said anything about Jehovah,” Amy teases with her arms crossed, causing Diego to retire to his room in embarrassment.

 

* * *

 

**OUTSIDE AMY’S HOUSE, 0745 HOURS, SURPRISING AMY**

“Boo!” Jake jumps out at Amy from behind a tree, before wrapping his arms around her waist, spinning her in circles as her feet dangle off the ground.

“Jake, I’m getting dizzy!” she giggles, prompting Jake to put her down.

“I missed you,” he confesses, planting a quick kiss on Amy’s cheek.

Amy blushes, but she still snorts all the same because Jake’s being ridiculous. “I was gone for ten minutes at most, Jake.”

“Yeah, ten minutes. That’s _way_ too long,” he complains as he reaches for Amy’s hand, interlocking their fingers. “What should we have for breakfast?”

“I don’t think there’s time, Jake. We need to get to school or we’ll be late.”

“First class doesn’t start for over half an hour from now though,” Jake points out.

“But we have homeroom.”

“Yeah, which we can skip by asking Gina to mark our attendance,” Jake explains.

Amy looks incredulously at Jake. “Since when did Gina get the authority to mark our attendance?”

“You see, after Mr McGintley marks our attendance on paper, he still needs to key in the attendance into the school’s data base so it can be recorded. But, he hates doing that because his fingers are always covered in pizza grease so he can’t enter the attendance into his phone. He lets Gina help him with that, so I can just text Gina and tell her to make sure we’re marked present.”

Amy marvels at that, although she’s further perturbed by Mr McGintley’s lack of professionalism.

“So we don’t even have to go for homeroom?”

“Exactly,” Jake grins. “Ain’t that great?”

Amy continues to think over this. “Wait, if you knew about that, why have you been coming for homeroom at all since school started? Did you just find out Gina could do that?”

“Uh...” Jake scratches the back of his neck nervously. “About that– you see, when we were first assigned to sit next to each other in homeroom, you were so pissed about it–“

“Correction–“ Amy interrupts–“I wasn’t _pissed,_ I just... wasn’t very _open_ to the idea.”

“Yeah so you completely hated it. Anyway, that was really funny me. Hurtful, but in a fun way. So I decided to make sure I was always at homeroom so you’d always have to deal with sitting next to me.”

Amy rolls her eyes at Jake’s pettiness.

“But then after a while... it became less about me wanting to annoy you and more about me just– wanting to see you.”

He looks mildly embarrassed about this, but his admission makes her heart pound and she gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“Well, to be fair– I wanted to see you too.”

“Really?” Jake asks, actually surprised about this.

“Yeah. Even though you were always late.”

He chuckles at this. “That’s just my style, babe.”

 

* * *

 

**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 0751 HOURS, BREAKFAST TIME WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

“Why don’t we do a thing where like you pick one item we both have to eat, and I pick one item we both have to eat?” Amy suggests as they stroll down the pavement.

“I like that idea,” Jake assents. “I want my thing to be a pizza bagel, because I’ve never seen you have one. And also because I want one.”

Amy rolls her eyes affectionately. “Okay, I’ll try the pizza bagel. But that means you have to eat an apple. That’s my pick.”

Jake looks horrified. “An apple?”

“Yes, Jake. It’s good to have something healthy like a fruit when you’re eating something unhealthy. It sort of... cancels it out.”

“Why would I want to cancel out a pizza bagel?”

Amy sighs. “Just... eat the apple.”

 

* * *

 

**BAKERY, 0803 HOURS, BREAKFAST TIME WITH JAKE AND AMY! (TODAY’S MENU: PIZZA BAGELS AND APPLES)**

“Okay I’ll say this... apples aren’t that disgusting.” Jake declares after his first bite of the apple.

“That’s very brave of you to say, Jake,” Amy says sarcastically.

Jake takes another bite of the apple, and grimaces. “Never mind, spoke too soon.” He swallows painfully. “I hate this.”

“Don’t focus on the apple, Jake. Talk about something else to distract yourself.”

“Uh... okay– why did you take so long to get downstairs earlier?” Jake queries.

“Oh. That. Uh, I was talking to Diego. Because he apparently... heard us. Last night.”

Jake snorts, laughing in a restrained manner at this.

“Why’s that funny?”

“Because you’re super loud in bed, babe.”

Amy goes red at that. “But I was trying to be quiet!”

“I know. And I was trying to get you to be even quieter so you could actually _be_ quiet, but it didn’t work. I was terrified the entire time because I thought someone would catch us, but I leaned into the fear and... the fear actually made it _hotter_ , so–“

“Stop, stop stop stop!” Amy shuts her eyes, holding both hands up as if to block the sound emerging from Jake’s mouth.

Jake smirks, taking another bite of his apple. It tastes amazing now.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1534 HOURS, ARRIVING FOR REHEARSAL**

“Hey babe,” Jake greets in a quiet whisper as Amy puts her bag down, careful to make sure there’s no one around.

“I’m so tired,” she tells him wearily, looking drained. “Can you hold me?”

He briefly sweeps the room with his eyes, realizing that it’s too risky to do that where they are.

“Let’s go somewhere private. How were your tests?”

Amy shrugs. “I don’t know. Okay? I can’t even think at this point.”

“Yeah, you need a nap. Let’s go to the control room. Gina and Rosa are rehearsing for the dance competition in the multi-purpose room until rehearsal officially starts in an hour. Holt’s busy with something today, I think.”

Amy nods, Jake’s words slurring together like a broken record in her head. She can barely process what he’s saying, but she trusts him to know what she needs.

 

* * *

 

**CONTROL ROOM, 1613 HOURS, STOPPING HIS KWAZY KUPCAKES GAME SO HE CAN WAKE AMY UP YES HE WAS PLAYING GAMES QUIETLY WHILE SHE NAPPED HOW DOMESTIC AMIRITE**

Jake carefully taps Amy on the back until she stirs, sitting up from her nap, where she had been using Jake’s lap as a pillow, and his jackets as a makeshift blanket.

“Is Holt here?” Amy asks drearily, voice slurred by sleep.

“No, not yet,” Jake says, with a shake of his head. “But I figured you might want some coffee before he gets here.”

Amy nods. “That sounds nice.”

“Okay, I’ll go get us some coffee.” Jake gets up. “You stay here and get a little more shut eye.”

“But what if Holt gets here before you?”

“There’s still time,” Jake assures. “I’ll be fine as long as I’m not late, and I’ll probably be back before Holt gets here anyway, so don’t worry, okay?”

He gives her a quick kiss on the mouth before he walks out, prompting Amy’s head to drop back on the couch.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1618 HOURS, BRIEFING**

Unfortunately, Holt arrives earlier than the stipulated time, which makes Amy feel bad because Jake’s not present because of her. But then again, Jake’s not especially worried about punctuality, so she tries not to guilt herself too much.

“I have news for the recent youth arts festival audition,” Holt announces, after everyone has gathered, and Amy feels even worse for Jake because he more than deserves to hear what the results of their hard work are.

“First of all, I feel I should lighten the mood by sharing that Wuntch and her team have failed to make it through the audition round this year.”

Everyone gasps at this, because Wuntch’s team always gets through the first round. Just like Holt’s team always gets through the first round. The fact that Wuntch has failed is a huge win for Holt, and being well aware of their rivalry, and how much Holt despises Wuntch, everyone ensures that they react in accordance to how Holt feels about this news.

“Why didn’t Wuntch’s team get in?” Someone asks. “Isn’t the club she directs really talented or something?”

Holt smiles. “From what I have gathered, the team she sent this year fell short due to their chemistry. They delivered a rough and messy performance due to personal issues; prior to the audition, they went through a horrendous break up.”

“No way, they were a couple?”

“Yes, they were involved in a romantic entanglement– something which I would like to discourage all of you from doing.”

“We’re not allowed to date anyone?” Gina asks, not looking in favor of this.

“Oh, I should have been less ambiguous in my wording. I meant to discourage each of you as actors from dating a co-star. Especially if you also happen to be portraying a romantic relationship on stage, or on screen, if any of you should pursue such a path in the future.”

Amy’s heart starts speeding up. She hasn’t quite comprehended what exactly is causing this in her fatigue, but she’s well aware that she’s done something less than laudable.

Someone raises their hand. “But sir, isn’t it a bit much to say that based on only one example? What’s your rationale behind this?”

Holt nods in a refined manner. “You are right to have reservations, and I am more than happy to elaborate– as an actor in my younger days, I saw many cases such as the one I shared. Cast members thinking there was something more to their stage chemistry, deluding themselves into believing actual romance was involved–“ Holt shakes his head with a chuckle–“it was tragic, to see actors with excellent stage rapport becoming so tense around one another, to the point where they were unable to collaborate in any further productions.”

“That’s a huge bummer,” Gina laments. “I’m definitely sticking to dancing and heart-stopping one liners that steal the show.”

“A wise choice. An even larger _bummer_ regarding this is getting involved with a co-star, only to see them lose interest in yourself for the likes of someone else once they start working on another production.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from personal experience there.”

Holt sighs. “As much as it shames me to admit this– I am. The man who taught me this lesson was named Frederick. Things between us were wonderful until he started working with Dave.” He squints resentfully. “ _Dave._ ”

“Sir,” Gina prompts. “As much as I love this, I think you’re getting distracted. That being said, I need to hear everything about this Frederick-Dave story later.”

“I am, thank you for pointing it out.” Holt clears his throat. “Now, where were we?”

“Talking about why co-actors shouldn’t date,” Charles gruffly notes. “Which I’m not liking, by the way. You’re basically saying that Jake and Amy shouldn’t be together!”

Oh, so _that’s_ why Amy’s been feeling weirdly guilty and sad. Also– oh god, Holt doesn’t think Jake and Amy should date? This is bad.

Amy starts to sweat nervously.

Holt laughs heartily at this prospect, like the thought of it happening is an inconceivable one.

“Now, I cannot speak for Peralta, but I am very certain _Santiago_ has the sense not to date a cast member.”

This prompts quite a number of people to turn their heads and look at Amy, as if expecting her to respond.

Oh, she’s expected to respond?

“Uh, yeah. I have the sense. I would never, I mean...”

At that moment, someone enters the theater which is indicated by the heavy doors creaking open and then slamming shut noisily. Obviously, it’s Jake, returning from his secret coffee run.

“Peralta–“

“No, I’m not late!” Jake insists. “It is... _two minutes!_ Before you were technically supposed to be here today. So if anything– you’re way too early, and _I_ am disappointed in _you_ , ha!”

“Are you done?”

“Yes,” Jake quakes sheepishly.

“Why are you holding two cups of coffee?”

“Because... I’m so very tired?”

Holt crosses his arms. “Should one cup not suffice?”

“Uh...” Jake swallows in thought. “I just felt like everyone would think I was being selfish if I only got coffee for myself– and since I had an extra hand I got another one just in case someone happened to need one?” He pretends to scan the room. “Hey Amy, you look _horrible!_ Have this coffee.”

Amy nods, quickly and quietly taking her coffee from Jake who sits next to her. The more coffee she sips, the more aware she is that many people are looking at them with knowing smirks. This fills her with a panic that threatens to paralyze her.

“Uh... so what’s happening?” Jake asks in between sips of coffee, completely ignorant about everything that was discussed prior to his arrival.

“As of now, I believe we are all waiting for the both of you to conclude your coffee break,” Holt says, prompting Jake and Amy to gulp down their coffees with an impeccable speed.

“Done!” Jake squeaks, throat tight from the coffee that was too hot to be drank as fast as it had been.

“Very well. Now that Jake is with us, I think it is an opportune time to announce that we have qualified for the final round of the youth arts presentation!”

Everyone erupts in cheers— this is something they’re actually excited about, even though they get into the finals every year and at this point it’s something to be expected.

“Amy, we did it!” Jake gushes as he leans in, and for a moment she worries that he might kiss her in front of everyone in his excitement.

Her worries are alleviated when Jake pulls her in for a hug instead, but even that gets her heart pounding.

Especially because Charles bursts into tears from watching them.

 

* * *

 

**S** **TREETS OF BROOKLYN, 1846 HOURS, WALKING HOME WITH JAKE**

Amy spends the entirety of rehearsal at a complete loss. She tries to minimize her interactions with Jake, which is easy because they thankfully don’t have any scenes together that day.

But avoiding Jake after the rehearsal is where it gets tricky.

Mainly because they’re walking home together, and that’s not something she felt capable of refusing; Jake would know that something was wrong immediately.

“Man, I’m still so psyched that we got into the finals. I mean, we did that last year too but this year it was just us.” Jake effuses proudly, happily swinging their held hands back and forth. His hand is warm and protective, but Amy has never felt more cold.

She knew, within a minute of mulling over the problem that the sensible thing to do would be to break up with Jake. They’ve only been together for barely a week– things aren’t that serious, it’s better for her to end this quickly and coolly so things are back to the way they used to be rather than let time drag on, until she can’t end things without seriously damaging her chances of having a friendship with Jake.

But as she stupidly watches him, every smile he musters crashing through her in waves of affection, this logic blurs around the edges and slowly drowns out every time Jake laughs.

Because how could she break up with him? How could anyone, after receiving so much of Jake’s heart, be able to stomp on it?

“Babe, are you okay?” Jake asks, snapping Amy out of her cloudy thoughts. “You’re being really quiet.”

The casual term of endearment used just worsens Amy’s overall mood. This is what she’ll be choosing to give up, if she decides to give him up.

“Uh... nothing. Just tired.”

“Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot. Coffee should’ve worn off by now.” He stops, a short distance away from Amy’s house. “You should take a nap.”

Amy nods. “I will.”

“I would come by for dinner, but my mom’s making stew and she’s worried. And as much as I disagree with her seeing my dad, I shouldn’t be punishing her for it, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Amy says, deeply relieved that she won’t have to be around him any longer for the day, his presence a constant source of guilt.

Jake reaches forth and cards his fingers through his hair. “Before I leave– I just want to ask if... if you want to go on a date tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Amy replies instinctively, cursing herself for not thinking it through first. But then again, what excuse would she give? Being busy would just mean pushing the date to a later time, and that’s stalling. Which she said she wasn’t going to do. And rejecting the date invite altogether would just mean breaking up with him on the spot, and Amy doesn’t want to do that either.

She can’t bring herself to kill the soft innocence in his eyes. Not yet.

“That’s... that’s great.” Jake grins. “We’ll talk date places tomorrow.”

“Wonderful,” Amy says conversationally, but her words do not reflect what she’s feeling.

Jake leans in and kisses her, his lips longing and already missing her, his arms holding her close. But Amy’s never felt further away.

When he stops, Amy manages a sort of smile to mirror at least a fraction of the adoration on his face.

“See you later, Ames.”

“Goodbye, Jake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bow chicken wow wow 
> 
> *waits for the anon hate*
> 
> it’s gonna be okay y’all
> 
> also I’ll be gone on a cruise 24-29 dec oops


	18. ever be eighteen again

**AMY’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0238 HOURS, THE COUNCIL OF AMYS**

When Amy opens her eyes, she finds herself in a sea of clouds. Just fluffy, white, pillowy clouds that present as an ocean of calm and tranquility. There’s a gentle gust of wind blowing and it makes her content; she has never felt less anxious before this moment. It’s bright but not hot, cool but not freezing. She sees everything but it’s evident that she’s surrounded by nothing other than clouds and sky. _Where is she?_

Amy briefly considers the possibility that she’s dead. Sure, she’s young, but mortality is unpredictable and if this is heaven then dying can’t be that bad, right?

“Okay I’m just gonna stop you right there because you’re way off base,” Gina interrupts, appearing in front of Amy all of sudden. “I can hear everything you’re thinking and it’s boring me because you’re wrong. And wasting time. We all got places to be, girl.”

“Gina?” Amy is very confused. She’s pretty sure she’s dreaming now, but also... she’s never had a dream like this.

“The one and only.” Gina presents herself with her arms proudly outstretched. “But we don’t have time for introductions, you’re here for a reason.”

“What reason?” Amy wonders, every passing second leaving her more and more perplexed. “And of course we don’t need introductions, we already know each other.”

“Uh, yeah.... Alan is it?” Gina guesses wrongly on purpose to push at Amy’s buttons. “Anyway, you’re here to see the Council Of Amys.”

Amy snorts. “Council Of Amys?”

“Yeah. They’re here to help you decide whether or not to break up with Jake.”

Amy gulps, her throat going dry. Which doesn’t matter because this is a dream. And she can wake up whenever she wants.

“Why would I need a... Council Of Amys to decide that? I can do that on my own.”

Gina snorts. “Yeah, and that’s why you’re trying to get yourself to wake up. Nice try, but I’m in charge around here, so no leaving till we’re done.”

“How are you in charge around here? This is _my_ subconscious.”

Gina chuckles, seeming truly tickled by this. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

“Whatever. What’s the Council Of Amys? Are they... other people named Amy? Me?”

“Close. They’re kind of like... the different sides of you. A few of them, anyway, and they’re basically going to vote on and argue about whether you should break up with Jake or not. Because– you know what? Screw this. I’m not in the mood so here–“ Gina snaps her fingers, summoning the Council Of Amys–“let’s just begin.”

Physicalizing in front of Amy are five girls– or to be more accurate, five _Amys_ , all sitting side by side at a long table made of polished wood.

“Gathered here are the top five Amys whose concerns and priorities are most relevant regarding this decision,” Gina announces, in a more showy manner than when it had just been the two of them.

“Before we begin can I just ask–“

Gina groans. “What is it, Amy?”

“Why is it that this is the first I’m hearing of this Council Of Amys?”

“Well,” one of the Amys pipe up, “we’re supposed to help you make decisions about things you’re uncertain about. You’ve just... never been _this_ uncertain about anything ever, so that’s why this is the first time we’re coming together.”

“Oh come on,” Amy rolls her eyes. “I’ve been uncertain about things!”

Gina snickers in mockery. “Name one thing you’ve been uncertain about. Major life thing.”

“Uh... how about when I broke up with Teddy?”

The entire room (is it even a room though?) erupts into laughter.

“Oh girl. You really wanted to do that. There was no question. All the Amys took a secret vote just to see what everyone’s thoughts were and it was completely unanimous.”

Amy sighs. “Fine, I guess I’m usually pretty certain about the things I want in life.”

“We don’t blame you, we’re very ambitious and organized. Every aspect of our life is carefully planned and we’re constantly striving for our goals, so events like this are an anomaly in an otherwise perfect system,” says one of the Amys.

“Thank you. Also who are you? I know you’re all... me, but, what makes all of you different from one another?” Amy asks. Not knowing who each of the Amys are and what they supposedly represent is threatening to kill her. And because it’s a dream, she can’t actually die.

“Okay, I guess it’s time for Amy to meet... her-selves. Starting from the left, is _Sexual Amy_.”

“Why are you naked?” Amy asks almost immediately, the question having weighed heavy on her mind since she first laid eyes on Sexual Amy. Although... now that she knows her name, her lack of attire shouldn’t be such a surprise.

Aside from the nudity, Sexual Amy seems to have this smokey eye look going on. Wait, now that Amy takes a closer look, her eyes are darker than the rest. What– oh. It’s probably some form of arousal. Never mind. Sexual Amy’s skin also glows more so than Amy ever remembers her skin glowing. Is her skin _glistening_ somehow? Is it body glitter? Either way, every inch of Sexual Amy’s body is oddly mesmerizing... even if Amy says so herself.

“Clothes slow me down,” Sexual Amy explains with a shrug. “And none of the other Amys really care that much anymore because what do I have that they don’t?”

Amy nods rigidly, finding that statement just as much true as it is false. They’re all essentially the same person, but Sexual Amy is different, special. Her body, anyway. It’s like looking into an oddly seductive mirror.

“If you’re sexually attracted to me I just want to assure you it’s not your fault. I’m very alluring, and many Amys have fallen into my trap. I’ve had sex with many Amys. And also all the Jakes we keep here.”

Amy isn’t sure how to respond. Sexual Amy is listing many incomprehensible concepts that she can’t even begin to wrap her head around.

“Amy, get your head out the gutter,” Gina chides. “Sexual Amy is only here today to discuss your relationship with Jake. You can do whatever you want with her in another dream.”

“What?” Amy protests. “I don’t want to sleep with Sexual Amy!”

“I never said that’s what you wanted to do,” Gina teases with a grin.

“It was implied!”

“Whatever. Next up here we have _Romantic Amy_.”

Romantic Amy is easier to look at than Sexual Amy. She’s wearing a sundress and a beach hat, and her hair seems to be receiving more wind than everyone else combined (Amy doesn’t feel so much as a breeze anymore, where is Romantic Amy’s wind coming from??), yet her hair is always flowing in her favor, every angle of her face perfect. The longer Amy looks at her, the more blurry everything surrounding Romantic Amy seems (Romantic Amy on the other hand, only seems to get clearer), until Amy realizes she’s supposed to represent someone you can easily fall in love with. In a really cliched and unrealistic manner at that. But Amy decides it’s probably not a good idea to stare at Romantic Amy for too long.

“I’m in charge of all your romantic thoughts and desires,” explains Romantic Amy, in a clear yet enchanting voice.

“Which is the same way I know that you want to do _really_ nasty things to me,” Sexual Amy says in a victimized manner.

Which gets Amy feeling very scandalized, because that’s completely untrue. How could she do this to... herself? Thinking about it still gives Amy a headache.

“You’re lying!”

Sexual Amy buries her head into Romantic Amy’s shoulder. “Help me, she’s so scary!”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Gina interrupts.

“Sorry about her,” the Amy next to Romantic Amy apologizes. “She likes to mess with all the Amys. The most _Jake-like_ of us all,” she shudders.

“Fun fact: that’s because he’s stuffed so much of himself inside me. I’m practically _made_ of Jake now,” Sexual Amy says with a grin, causing many of the other Amys to grimace and some to gag.

“How is that a fun fact? Don’t blame me if Fun Fact Amy hunts you down for that.”

Sexual Amy’s grin only widens at this. “Another fun fact: I had sex with Fun Fact Amy. It was fun, and she screams random, highly disturbing facts as she–“

Another Amy bursts into tears. “I hate you so much!” She cries, referring to Sexual Amy, specifically.

“Anyway... after Romantic Amy we have _Authority Issues Amy.”_

“Authority _Issues_ Amy?”

Authority Issues Amy is the most poised version of herself that Amy has every seen. She’s wearing a pantsuit, obviously, except it’s made of velvet. Dark purple with a faint gold lining. It’s the fanciest pantsuit that Amy has ever seen, and frankly, she’s jealous. Of herself. Which is a dumb concept, but that’s how elegant Authority Issues Amy’s pantsuit looks. Furthermore, not a single hair on Authority Issues Amy’s head is out of place, all combed into a neat bun. Even her makeup looks exceptionally sophisticated. The epitome of professionalism, Authority Issues Amy presents as the most stunning person in the most appropriate way possible. She looks like she was every teacher’s pet, like every employee of the month. Which Amy supposes, is the entire point of her title.

“Don’t pretend you’re surprised,” says Gina. “You know you have issues, girl.”

“I’m kind of the reason we even needed to assemble this council at all,” Authority Issues Amy explains, folding her fingers together. “After Holt said that he expected us to have the sense not to date Jake, even though we _were_ kind of dating Jake? If it were up to me alone, I would’ve dumped Jake on the spot.”

“Except it’s not up to you alone,” seethes Romantic Amy. “We _all_ have a say in this.”

“Whatever. Anyway, can I just point out how discriminatory it is to call me ‘Authority Issues Amy’? No one else here has the word ‘Issues’ attached to their title.”

“No can do, hun,” Gina refuses with a shake of her head. “Cuz you got some _issues_.”

“I just don’t see how my respect for authority figures would strike someone as an ‘issue’ more than Sexual Amy! She’s a straight up psycho!”

“Ease up on the name calling, Authority Issues Amy,” Gina warns, further angering Authority Issues Amy.

“Straight up psycho, huh?” Sexual Amy straightens, which makes everyone avert their eyes, whilst pretending to be okay with her nudity. “That’s not what you said _last night_.”

The implications of Sexual Amy’s words has everyone either gasping or laughing, outraging Authority Issues Amy.

“We didn’t even _speak_ last night! I would never–“

“Say what you will about it, but it happened. Honestly, I was just surprised at how into it you were.”

Authority Issues Amy lunges at Sexual Amy, causing Gina to intervene. A snap of her fingers has Authority Issues Amy’s hands cuffed to the table.

“How did you do that?” Amy marvels in astonishment.

“I’m an all-powerful and hella majestic being, sweetie. Also I’m sort of the moderator of this panel and despite how fun it would be to watch Authority Issues Amy throttle Sexual Amy, it’s my job to make sure nothing bad happens,” she sighs.

“Let me go!” Authority Issues Amy demands. “This isn’t at all humane, don’t make me file a lawsuit!”

“Oh really?” Gina trills caustically. “Who are you gonna call? _Lawyer Amy?”_

Everyone bursts into laughter. Not a single bone in Amy’s body has ever felt an inclination to become a lawyer. As much as she appreciates and wishes to uphold law, being raised by a detective father taught her to despise all attorneys.

“Besides, if you don’t cooperate I could easily replace you with another more qualified Amy to be part of this council,” Gina threatens Authority Issues Amy.

She freezes. “You can’t– you don’t have the power to do that.”

Gina chortles, arms crossed coolly. “Except I totally do, hun. How would you feel about... Laminator Amy taking your place?”

Authority Issues Amy’s body jerks in a complete rejection of this. “NO! Laminator Amy doesn’t even _know_ who Jake is!”

“She’s right,” pipes up Romantic Amy. “I asked Laminator Amy if she knew who Jake was the other day. She said ‘Does he own a laminator?’ and just... went back to laminating once I said no. We haven’t spoken since.”

Authority Issues Amy shudders, the thought of being replaced with someone as one-dimensional as Laminator Amy filling her with a deep disgust.

“Fine, I’ll behave. But only if Sexual Amy stops insisting that we slept together. Because we didn’t.”

“That’s fair,” says Sexual Amy. “I guess I can’t say I slept with you for sure. Since we all look exactly the same. Now that I think about it, it was probably Kinky Amy that I boned. She dresses like you sometimes and I get tricked into thinking I managed to hook up with Authority Issues Amy. Funny thing is, she has a few issues about authority too, only they’re–“

“Sexual in nature. We get it, Sexual Amy,” Gina cuts in impatiently. “Okay, and I can’t believe it’s taken this long to say this, but the next Amy we have is _Platonic Amy_. She embodies the love and care you feel for your friends and family, blah blah blah...”

Platonic Amy wears a casual floral blouse and jeans. She looks approachable, warm, friendly, like someone Amy would go to for advice– if Platonic Amy wasn’t literally a version of her. She seems like she would be more popular than Amy herself, more likable too. Amy gets this urge to take a road trip with Platonic Amy, but brushes away this inclination.

“Which also includes Jake, by the way,” Platonic Amy adds on, making Gina groan in dread. She’s so tired of it all. “So I’m here to represent your concerns about Jake’s friendship, because that’s how the two of you started out.”

“Didn’t Jake and Amy start out as enemies?” Gina asks. “Wait, I don’t care–“

“ _Actually_ ,” Platonic Amy starts, which prompts Gina to groan even louder, and in a more loathsome manner. “Jake and I first met at the age of three or four, where we became friends. Also Rivalrous Amy was declared too unstable to be here so her opinions don’t matter.”

“She mostly doesn’t exist anymore, but I see her around sometimes,” Sexual Amy shares. “She mostly has angry sex with any Jake she finds around here and tells him how much she hates him the whole time. They’re all _very_ weirdly into it.”

“And to counter Platonic Amy’s earlier point,” continues Romantic Amy. “Jake said he was in love with us as a kid, so doesn’t that technically make us lovers first instead of friends?”

Platonic Amy rolls her eyes. “Whatever Jake thought he felt back then doesn’t change the fact that we were basically toddlers. I highly doubt we even understood the concept of romantic love back then, let alone felt it. And the fact that you believe Jake was our ‘lover’ at the age of three? I have to say, that’s kind of heteronormative.”

“Ooh!” Sexual Amy exclaims. “Think one of the Jakes just came in his pants. They love it when heteronormativity gets called out.”

“Oh god, I hate everything about this,” Gina grunts in discomfort. “Moving on to the final member of today’s Council Of Amys... which I can’t believe actually took this long.” She sighs. “Last and definitely least– mostly because of how _boring_ she is–“

“Hey!” The last Amy whines in offense, only to get ignored by Gina.

“...is _Academic Amy._ And let me just say girl, the glasses are not working for you. Either don’t wear them or find a hotter pair.”

Academic Amy scowls, adjusting her admittedly poorly designed glasses. The glasses aren’t her only accessory, as she seems to have a graduation cap on. Her hair is the most disastrous out of all the Amys, set in multiple hastily done braids. She does not seem to have a spot of make up on (although it does not make her any less beautiful than the other Amys, because Amy is disgustingly beautiful but don’t tell her that she won’t believe you), and she’s wearing some sort of school uniform. Which is strange, since Amy’s never worn a school uniform in her life, and now she feels like she’s staring at a catholic school girl version of herself. Academic Amy is surrounded by stacks of academic resources, poorly concealed under the table.

“I’m just wearing them to make a point. If Amy had chosen to stay up reading books like I would’ve done over the years, instead of going to bed at a sensible hour to protect her eyesight out of fear that wearing glasses would limit her casting opportunities, _this_ is how she would look like!”

Gina regards Academic Amy in a perplexed manner. “I don’t get it, so you’re saying that Amy’s better off now because she had the restraint to stop you?”

“No! I’m saying that if not for Theatre Amy and Competitive Amy’s demands, we would’ve had a lot more nights where we got to read.”

“Hey, we still ended up reading those books during the day!” Amy defends.

“But do you know how many _more_ books we could’ve read if we had spent more nights reading instead of sleeping? A marginally larger number, Amy! A marginally larger number!”

Gina rolls her eyes, snapping another finger, which somehow mutes anything Academic Amy says no matter how hard she tries to produce sound.

“That’s gonna wear off in five minutes, a point at which I’m hoping you’ll have learnt your lesson. Now, can we start on the actual problem? Starting from Sexual Amy, I want each of you to state whether or not Amy should break up with Jake, and your personal reasons why. Sexual Amy, whenever you’re ready.”

Sexual Amy perks up in excitement, as do her breasts, something which Amy uncomfortably notes in spite of the fact that those are her breasts.

“I... don’t think we should break up with Jake. Reason one, that would probably mean we’d be having less sex with him. Or–“ she shudders–“no sex _at all._ Can you imagine how much that would suck?”

“No one cares except you, Sexual Amy,” Authority Issues Amy points out. “That’s kind of how this whole thing works.”

Sexual Amy huffs. “Fine, whatever. But if we have to break up with Jake, can we _at least_ suck his dick first?”

“Why would you want to do that?” Platonic Amy asks, looking very much disturbed.

“Why would you _ask_ that?” Academic Amy grouses in dread. “None of us are going to like the answer.”

“Well, I’m answering it anyway,” insists Sexual Amy. “It’s simple, really. We haven’t sucked it yet. What does it taste like? How’s it going to feel like in our mouth? These are questions I need the answers to. It’s a purely educational inquiry.”

“DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE THE PENIS OF JAKE PERALTA TO THE HOLY INSTITUTION OF EDUCATION!” Academic Amy bellows, slamming both her hands on the table in a wrathful state.

Gina snaps her fingers and a large yellow card appears in front of Academic Amy.

“What’s this?” Academic Amy asks in bewilderment.

“Your first warning. And I dunno,” Gina shrugs. “I’m just tryna change things up to stop myself from getting bored.”

“Why aren’t you giving Sexual Amy any cards?” Authority Issues Amy sneers. “She’s done nothing but say the crudest, most _lecherous_ things since we started!”

“And as grossed out as I am by some of the stuff she’s made me picture– she hasn’t been a problem because every word that comes out of her filthy, Jake’s dick-less mouth is _calm_ and _composed_.”

“Yes, I’m very chill. It’s because of all the sex I have. You should all try it sometime and maybe people would find us less uptight,” Sexual Amy suggests. “And we could start that by sucking Jake’s dick, because seriously I need to know how–“

“Someone stop her, please,” Authority Issues Amy begs, covering her ears in turmoil.

“–he tastes! Every time I suck off one of our Jakes, I taste nothing, because we have no existing memory of actually giving Jake a blowjob. So can’t we just do it already?” Sexual Amy stands up. “And with that, I arrive at the end of my argument.”

“Thank god,” Academic Amy shudders.

“And to restate my terms, I want to reiterate that we should either one, remain with Jake, or two, at the very least, let her suck Jake’s dick,” Sexual Amy declares, pointing at Amy. “And by her, I mean us. And by us, I mean me. So please, let _me_ suck Jake’s dick, and we can all continue to co-exist peacefully.”

“You call this peace?” Gina sneers, shaking her head in amusement. “Well, whatever floats your crazy boat. Romantic Amy, you’re up next.”

“Oh wow, I wonder what her opinion is on the matter,” Academic Amy rolls her eyes along with this snide remark.

“I don’t think we should break up with Jake,” Romantic Amy says resolutely.

“Oh my god, I’m so shocked,” Authority Issues Amy clutches her heart, words monotonous but the point they make is incredibly sardonic.

“Lay off, assholes,” Sexual Amy commands protectively, letting Romantic Amy continue.

“I don’t think we should break up with Jake for a number of good reasons, which I believe any Amy will find valid. First of all, leaving Jake would be too cruel. He’s clearly still infatuated with us, and if we cared about him, even as a friend, we wouldn’t do something to hurt him like this. Getting dumped by anyone is a horrible feeling– so why should we let Jake go through something so horrible?”

“Whatever,” Authority Issues Amy huffs. “He’s a big boy, he can handle a break up. Why should we stay with him just to protect his feelings?”

“Because we’re not breaking up with him due to feelings, or lack thereof. As far as I’m concerned, it’s because of you!” Romantic Amy shrills, very obviously filled with resentment towards Authority Issues Amy.

“Hey, Holt brought up some very valid points about the likelihood of our relationship with Jake tanking!”

“But we’re different! What we have with Jake is real!”

“To be fair,” Platonic Amy pipes up. “Isn’t that what all actors who dated actors told themselves? Think about all those celebrity couples that get together and then break up. And how awkward they get afterwards. Do we really want to go through that with Jake?”

“I think you’re missing out on a fundamental issue here,” Romantic Amy retorts. “Jake and I are not celebrities. None of us here are celebrities.”

“You’re wrong about that, but continue,” Gina interjects.

“Besides– say we break up with Jake, say we ignore Jake’s feelings about it and let him handle getting dumped. You think he’s going to handle it well? He’s going to be a wreck, a public menace but in the saddest way possible. Look at how he handled getting dumped by Jenny and Sophia. Do we really want to join the ranks of those monsters?”

“Of course not, but we’re not going to hurt him like they did, and we haven’t been dating Jake for as long as they did. Taking all of that into consideration, Jake should be fine,” Platonic Amy assures.

“How do you know that for sure?”

“I don’t. Just like you don’t know how Jake will react. We’re both predicting how he’ll receive being dumped based on how we want him to react. I know I want him to accept the break up and go back to being friends. And I know you yearn for a more romantic turn of events. You want Jake to be passionately in love with us. I assure you a week long relationship is not long enough for that.”

Romantic Amy is spurned, but she does not falter in her resolve.

“Okay, fine. Maybe my words were a bit of an over-exaggeration. But things are going to be weird between us and Jake. And how do you think that will translate on stage? It could make our chemistry all weird and awkward. We could mess up the school play, mess up the youth arts presentation finals.”

“Wow,” Sexual Amy exhales. “You were really counting on Theatre Amy being here for this, weren’t you?”

Romantic Amy frowns. “Yeah. I heard it was between her and Academic Amy. If you ask me, I think Theatre Amy would’ve been a better fit for this council.”

“Hey!” Academic Amy grumbles. “That is hurtful _and_ untrue.”

“Didn’t you bribe Theatre Amy to let you take her place?” Platonic Amy asks to confirm in a quiet voice.

“Yeah. But that was barely necessary because she doesn’t even want to be here in the first place,” Academic Amy crosses her arms resentfully. “She’s still celebrating getting into the youth arts final thing.”

“Wait, so why did you even have to bribe her?”

Academic Amy huffs. “It’s because she ‘acted’ like she wanted to be on this council when she found out how much I needed it. I should’ve seen through her lies, I can’t believe I gave her Amylian dollar.”

Amy furrows her eyebrows in frustration at this. “Uh, I think you mean a million dollars?”

“No, not a million dollars. Amylian dollar. As in Amy.”

“Wait,” Amy looks around at everyone. “You have a form of currency here?”

“Currency singular. We don’t have a central bank, so the Amylian dollar only came into existence when Laminator Amy made a mistake and laminated a picture of us that was tinted green.”

Authority Issues Amy shudders. “And now it’s in Theatre Amy’s hands. Who knows what she’ll do to it? See, this is why we should’ve gave the Amylian dollar to Responsible Amy.”

“And let her hide it away so no one can use it ever?” Academic Amy shakes her head. “I’d rather give it to the Binder Amys and let them punch holes through it.”

“The Binder Amys? Plural?” Amy wonders curiously.

“Yes, we have two Binder Amys. It’s sort of a twin situation where they’re always together and no one can tell them apart.”

“I’m completely bragging here,” Sexual Amy brags. “But I totally had a threesome with them. I suggested they make a sex binder and... what can I say? Sparks just flew. I heard they made a binder about having sex with me.”

“But I don’t understand, why would we need two Binder Amys?”

“You really like binders.”

“That is true.”

Authority Issues Amy clears her throat. “Okay, now that we’ve cleared that up, can we continue on with my case?”

“No,” Romantic Amy refutes. “Because I’m not done.”

“What else do you have to say?” Authority Issues Amy sighs. “Aside from the fake scares regarding theatre that only Theatre Amy would care about.”

“Really? _Only_ Theatre Amy? I’m surprised you don’t care, seeing how screwing up the youth arts presentation and the annual production could really anger Holt. Think about how disappointed he would be in us.”

Authority Issues Amy freezes. Her one track mind had not considered this side of things, despite how obvious it was. But then again, Authority Issues Amy has never been very skilled in seeing the big picture or predicting the future. That’s Big Picture Amy’s job.

Just kidding. There is no Big Picture Amy.

Taking Authority Issues Amy’s silence as a sign that she’s gotten the upper hand, Romantic Amy stands up with a confident smile.

“With that, I’m now moving on to my final reason for why we shouldn’t break up with Jake. It’s because we’re in love with him.”

This completely upsets the balance and stability of the Council Of Amys.

“Woah woah woah, love?” Authority Issues Amy snarks, now getting worked up over the wrong thing. “Slow your roll there, Romantic Amy.”

“Yeah, you don’t speak for any of us. Only you’re in love with Jake,” mocks Academic Amy.

“It is way too soon to talk about love. Sure, we like and love having Jake as a friend now, but we’re not in love with him,” Platonic Amy adds on.

“I’m in love with Jake’s magical penis, does that count?” Sexual Amy asks, only to receive a few frantic shakes of disapproval from the table. She recedes in her chair with a shrug.

“But we are in love with him!” Romantic Amy insists. “And I’m in charge of the romantic love stuff, since it’s literally my job, so I get the final say!”

“No, you’re a weirdo who wants some pipe dream life and the rest of us are here to make sure you keep your mouth shut!” Academic Amy barks condescendingly. “None of us agree with you, because you’re insane. We’re not in love with Jake, and that’s final.”

Amy feels an odd lump in her throat as she watches this scene unfold. She’s strangely conflicted regarding this issue. Being in love is a big deal, and she’s never properly thought about whether she is in love with Jake. She’s never been in love, she doesn’t know what it’s supposed to feel like, so the entire concept confuses and frustrates her.

And apparently, this insane display of conflict is how it manifests in her mind.

“Insane display of conflict?” Academic Amy shrieks at Amy. “You bitch, we can hear everything you’re thinking!”

Amy gulps in fear. “I’m sorry?”

“She’s not wrong!” Romantic Amy bursts out in tears. “You’re all so mean to me, you monsters! I hope you all die, I hope you idiots get aneurism after aneurism after aneurism!”

Gina calmly claps her hands twice and Romantic Amy’s neck snaps, causing her to fall lifelessly on the table. Everyone starts freaking out, screaming and pointing, which frustrates Gina to no end.

“Calm down, you losers. I’ll resuscitate her in three minutes, she just needs a timeout.”

“You didn’t have to snap her neck!” Platonic Amy explodes. But everyone’s general discomfort with the situation does nothing to affect Gina’s demeanor.

“I can do anything I want. And maybe this will discourage anyone else from going cray-cray.”

Authority Issues Amy’s eyes are still shut. Sure, she’s not on great terms with Romantic Amy, but that doesn’t mean she wants her cold dead body lying next to her. “Can you at least revive her before I continue?”

Gina rolls her eyes. “Fine.”

Romantic Amy takes a deep breath as she regains consciousness. “What happened?”

“Nothing. You didn’t die. It’s Authority Issues Amy’s turn now.”

Authority Issues Amy smiles. “Thank you. My stand is simple and obvious. We should break up with Jake, and ideally pretend this whole thing never happened. No one knows about our relationship with Jake, and it’s not something serious yet. It’s the best solution to this. Besides, our relationship with Jake hasn’t gone on long enough for a breakup to derail our chemistry.”

Romantic Amy crosses her arms, upset to see that her attempts to scare Authority Issues Amy failed to stick. “You say that like what we have with Jake means nothing. How can you be so unfeeling?”

“Because I’m not into the same sentimental drivel you are,” Authority Issues Amy retorts.

“You also say that like there won’t be any consequences to our actions.” Romantic Amy narrows her eyes at her. “You all know there’s going to be consequences to this, right?”

“Maybe, but I think the pros outweigh the cons,” Authority Issues Amy retorts. “I think dealing with Jake’s reaction will be easier than dealing with the repercussions of word getting out that we’re dating Jake Peralta. Holt would find out if even one person knows.”

Romantic Amy falters. She can’t change any of their minds, this is a lost cause.

“Your turn now,” Authority Issues Amy tells Platonic Amy. “I’m good.”

Platonic Amy nods. “I also think we should break up with Jake. Mostly because being with Jake is risky. Knowing what we know, it’s unwise to jump into a relationship based on a small crush. We rushed into this, and things with Jake could go south fast. What Holt shared earlier about theatre romances isn’t baseless. We’ve known Jake for years– if something was going to happen, it would’ve happened sooner. Maybe this really is just a crazy rush of feelings on our part— we got carried away with all the kissing and playing lovers with Jake.”

“Yeah, he is very good at kissing. And lover-ing,” Sexual Amy drawls, humming dreamily. “Sure we can’t work out a thing where we don’t date Jake but we’re still constantly sleeping with him?”

“No,” Platonic Amy rejects. “That’s just going to result in even more hurt feelings and further complicate everything. It’s worse than continuing to date Jake.”

“But think about it– we could be like... friends with benefits with Jake. Sneak around, have sex, sleep together, have sex–“

“You just said ‘have sex’ twice. No, three times. I’m pretty sure you mean ‘sleep together’ in a sexual way,” Romantic Amy gripes, resenting everyone for seemingly being okay with the whole leaving Jake thing.

“Yeah, I did. Because that’s pretty much all there is to being friends with benefits, right?”

“Nope,” Platonic Amy asserts. “You’re forgetting the messy fallout, the entire arrangement going wrong because someone catches feelings, or jealousy getting thrown in the mix— that’s a one way ticket to throwing away our entire relationship with Jake.”

“Or, is it the key to an honest and loving relationship with Jake where we stop holding back how we feel about each other?”

“No.” Platonic Amy snorts. “I’m sorry, but a friends with benefits thing isn’t going to work out that way. This isn’t that kind of story.”

Sexual Amy frowns. “So no to the sex thing?” She cups her hands around her mouth. “Boo!”

“You can jeer all you want, but you know I’m right. How would you like it if one day, Jake was just this awkward ex we couldn’t be around? That boy from our hometown who we used to talk to everyday but managing a short conversation with becomes a mountain instead of a molehill? Jake is too important to sacrifice. We can’t ruin what we have by dating him.”

“But what if dating him is what we need to have?” Romantic Amy mutters, gloomily tracing circles on the table, nails threatening to carve into the wood.

“That’s a chance we can’t take.” Platonic Amy interlocks her fingers and places them on the table. “And with that, I conclude my argument.”

Academic Amy stretches with a yawn, putting down whatever book she’s been reading, because at some point she picked one up from under the table. Either way, she’s stopped reading now.

“Finally,” she sighs. “It’s my turn now.”

“Wow,” Sexual Amy goads sarcastically. “I wonder what you have to say. Bet we’ll never guess.”

Academic Amy turns to Sexual Amy with a condescending smirk. “Please, you know I care nothing for your opinion.”

Sexual Amy shrugs. “Fair enough.”

“Obviously,” Academic Amy continues without a pause. “I think that we should dump Jake. Effective immediately.”

“Okay, I get why Ass-Kisser and Coward here want to dump Jake, but what’s it to you?” Gina asks curiously, completely giving up and just leaning into the whole misery of the situation.

“He’s getting in the way of our education,” Academic Amy explains in a truistic manner.

“How? We’ve been seeing Jake for a week,” Romantic Amy retorts with conviction.

“The surprise test for history was compromised because of him– remember how we messed up the Camp David Accords and said it was signed between Prime Minister Sadat and President Begin when it was clearly the other way around?” Academic Amy huffs in contempt. “We would’ve gotten that right if Sexual Amy hadn’t been whoring herself out to Jake.”

This insulting slur causes an uproar at the table amongst the Amys, although Sexual Amy herself just shrugs.

“Woah!” Gina chides. “No slut-shaming, you slut!”

“Am I wrong?” Academic Amy folds her arms. “If Jake hadn’t been around distracting us the whole night, we would’ve never made such an embarrassing mistake.”

“To be fair, we only found out about the surprise test early into the morning. That wasn’t Jake’s fault,” Platonic Amy asserts.

“But we fell asleep while studying– which wouldn’t have happened if Jake... didn’t make us so tired.”

“How _did_ he make us so tired?” Romantic Amy asks, prompted by Sexual Amy who sneakily whispers this into her ear.

Academic Amy blushes. “He... wore us out.”

“Through what method?” Romantic Amy asks unprompted.

“He just did, okay?” Academic Amy purses her lips. “I don’t want to elaborate.”

“Say it,” taunts Sexual Amy. “I want to hear you say it.”

“He wore us out with _sex_ , happy?!” Academic Amy snaps, before clamming up hatefully.

Sexual Amy walks over to Academic Amy’s side of the table, running her fingers down the back of her neck. “There... was that so hard to admit? Nothing wrong with admitting you liked it–“

“Shut up!” Academic Amy flinches. “I didn’t like it, only you did!”

Sexual Amy rolls her eyes. “Sure.”

“This is– this is all your fault. We’d be a lot better off opening books instead of our legs!”

This remark makes everyone visibly uncomfortable.

“Yikes,” Gina cringes. “Academic Amy, you got a ton of problematic issues to work through.”

Amy nods readily in agreement with Gina. She thought that Academic Amy’s opinions were a part of her that died ages ago.

“Yeah, even I don’t agree with her,” chimes in Authority Issues Amy. “Maybe we should start calling her Academic Issues Amy so that I can just be Authority Amy.”

This suggestion does not resonate with Gina. “Nah, I think we should keep things as they are.”

Authority Issues Amy huffs. It was worth a shot.

“Anyway,” Sexual Amy continues. “I’m pretty sure I told you a long time ago that we could open both books and legs. For someone whose innate concern is education, you really never _learn_ , do you?”

Academic Amy remains her arrogant self. “Both? Really? If it weren’t for me holding down the fort, you’d have ruined our track record ages ago. Bet you don’t even know half the things I do.”

Sexual Amy snorts. “You think so? Fine. Try me. Ask me anything.”

“Okay. Since you insist on embarrassing yourself– when was the Balfour Declaration issued?”

“1917,” Sexual Amy responds without a moment’s hesitation.

This catches Academic Amy off guard, but she persists.

“You got lucky there. What’s the seventh smallest prime number?”

“17. Come on, at least give me something hard,” Sexual Amy brags playfully with a stretch.

“How many member countries are there in the United Nations General Assembly?!”

“193. Are you _trying_ to make this easy for me?”

Everyone watches with wide eyes and bated breath as Academic Amy slowly approaches her breaking point. She’s fuming at how Sexual Amy seems to know the answers to all her questions.

“What’s... what’s the atomic number of Vanadium?”

“23.”

“Its atomic mass!”

“50.9,” Sexual Amy responds with a confident smirk. “Yeah, I even know the exact decimal place.”

Academic Amy’s uncertain look gets Sexual Amy laughing.

“Oh, you’re not even sure if I’m right or wrong, are you? Need to check?”

Academic Amy bites her lip in thought for one last second before she caves and grabs her copy of the Periodic Table, deflating in misery when she catches sight of the answer.

“What’s there?” Sexual Amy asks patronizingly. “Am I right? Wrong? What’s the verdict, Academic?”

Academic Amy takes a deep breath. “You’re right.”

“Really?” Sexual Amy gasps in mock surprise. “My _god_ , that must mean I don’t actually know less than half of what you do. And from the results of that quiz you gave... dare I say it? I think I know more than you!”

After her especially exaggerated clutching of her bare chest in shock, Sexual Amy straightens back up and simpers proudly at Academic Amy.

“Oh, and by the way– I knew the thing we wrote for the history test was wrong. I kept trying to tell you, but you refused to take me seriously.” She taps her lightly on the head. “Maybe this will teach you never to look down on me ever again. You’re not better than me.”

And with that last dig at Academic Amy’s pride, Sexual Amy makes her way back to her seat.

“Did anyone else get chills?” Gina asks, rubbing her arms with her hands. “As disgustingly nerdy as that was to watch, I think we’re all wondering how in the hell Sexual Amy is so damn smart.”

Sexual Amy shrugs humbly. “It’s the sex– fills my head with all sorts of neurochemicals. Honestly, the challenge is finding enough ways to channel all my intelligence.”

“And you do that... sexually?”

“Oh yeah, how else would I?”

Gina brings her hands together to silence the Amys. “Okay, as horrible as this has been, I think we’re almost done. Can we do a final vote to see the results? All those in favor of breaking up with Jake, put up your hands.”

Unsurprisingly, Authority Issues Amy, Platonic Amy, and Academic Amy all raise their hands.

Gina nods. “Then I guess that settles it. Amy’s breaking up with Jake.”

“Wait!” Romantic Amy appeals desperately. “Shouldn’t we get some kind of veto power?”

Gina snorts. “What do you think this is? The _actual_ Security Council of the United Nations?”

“No, but– our entire system here is modeled after the UN! I mean, why else do we have the _Council_ Of Amys and the _Assembly_ Of Amys?”

Academic Amy groans. “Because it’s cool–“

“No, it’s... really not,” Gina stresses. “None of this is cool.”

“Whatever. Either way, we can’t give anyone the power of veto. How would we ever come to a consensus otherwise?”

A few of the Amys snicker at the dig made about the UN Security Council’s structural defects. Gina is completely unamused about this.

“Okay, guess we’re settled on that. Say your last words to Amy, she’s leaving.”

Sexual Amy mouths ‘suck his dick first’ to Amy, whilst Romantic Amy just looks on the verge of tears. Amy herself begins to panic at the prospect of leaving.

“WAIT!”

Gina groans. This has all gone on long enough.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know how. How to break up with Jake. Help me, please?”

Romantic Amy lowers her head in a sullen mood. “You all know I’m not going to be of help in this department.”

“What are your concerns?” Platonic Amy kindly asks.

“What if– it goes horribly wrong and becomes uncomfortably long and I say something really stupid? I need an airtight breakup plan.” Amy takes a deep breath. “And what if... Jake takes it badly? I don’t want him to cry or... lash out at me.”

“That won’t happen,” Platonic Amy shakes her head. “Jake wouldn’t do that to us.”

“And how would you know that?” Sexual Amy asks. “What if he doesn’t believe us and tries to seduce us? You know I’m way stronger than all of you combined whenever that happens.”

The rest of the Council of Amys sigh. Sexual Amy isn’t wrong.

“Okay– how about this? You all take turns breaking up with Jake and we’ll see how he takes it,” Gina suggests.

“And how’s that going to work?” Amy asks. “Jake’s not here.”

Gina chuckles, and with two claps of her hands Jake (or at least, some manifestation of him) appears in front of everyone.

“Hi!” He greets cheerfully, which is sad given what they’re all about to do to him.

“Jake!” Romantic Amy cries longingly and leaps from her seat, clinging onto him with a tight hug.

“Hey, babe,” he leans down to kiss Romantic Amy, his attention completely focused on her.

Authority Issues Amy groans at Jake and Romantic Amy’s clingy make out session. “Do we have time for this?”

“No,” Gina agrees. “We don’t.”

She snaps her finger, and Romantic Amy gets forcefully teleported back into her seat, a steel belt forcing her to stay seated. She looks distraught at this, her hands reaching out for Jake, who tries to run to her, only to be held in place by whatever mystical powers Gina has.

“Everyone, this is a new Jake, replicated to the best of my amazing ability based on how we last saw him. Who wants to go first?”

After recovering from the initial sorrow of having to part with Romantic Amy, new Jake notices how she’s not the only Amy in the room. He very much appreciates the great variety of Amys present.

“Am I dreaming? Because I’m pretty sure this is my ultimate fantasy. Excluding Gina, of course.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Gina notes with relief. “Also, you’re not dreaming, Amy is. You’re not real.”

Jake nods, thankfully not too devastated by this knowledge. “So nothing I do will count? And like... no one will judge me if I wanted to like, I don’t know... have a mass orgy with all the Amys?”

The rightmost three Amys all grimace at this.

“Oh sweetie, that can be easily arranged,” Sexual Amy tells Jake with a wink. His eyes immediately scour eagerly over her bare body.

“ _I like you_ ,” he says, words loaded with sexual overtones.

“The feeling is mutual–“

“Can this stop too? We also do not have time for this,” Academic Amy interrupts, earning her a scowl from Sexual Amy, who stops talking after that.

“Okay, I’m not going first, because I think it’s obvious how counterproductive that will end up,” Sexual Amy huffs.

“Agreed,” Authority Issues Amy assents. “I’ll go first.”

However, as she walks up to Jake, Amy feels the entire ground shake, a deafening sound reverberating throughout the entire place. Despite the soft sky-like structure of the entire place, she hears her dream shatter and crack around the edges.

Everything seems to be falling apart, and the magnitude of the not-earth earthquake has Amy falling to her feet. Panic and fear rises through her like hot steam and she starts screaming for help, for someone to get her to safety.

But as she looks up, Amy realizes that none of the Amys nor Gina has reacted at all; it’s as if nothing has happened. This is when Amy realizes that she’s the only one whose world is collapsing.

Authority Issues Amy successfully breaks up with Jake, which Amy can tell through the understanding manner in which he nods– but Amy can’t hear a word Authority Issues Amy said to him, and this lack of knowledge further frightens her.

She desperately screams for them to hear her, anyone of them, to tell her what to do, but nothing works. The last vestiges of this universe fall apart in front of Amy’s eyes.

_And everything goes black._

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S DOORSTEP, 0723 HOURS, LEAVING FOR SCHOOL**

“Guess who?”

A pair of hands reaches for Amy’s face, covering her eyes. This suddenness scares Amy and she puts the intruder in a chokehold on instinct— only to realize a second later that she’s strangling Jake.

She lets go immediately, apologizing profusely as Jake massages his neck and catches his breath.

“Jake, I’m so sorry, I really didn’t know it was you–“

He waves his hand to cut her off. “It’s okay, babe. My fault for scaring you like that. Bad way to surprise someone.”

Amy caresses Jake’s shoulder comfortingly. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?”

He smirks. “You could give me a kiss.”

She blushes heavily, but those colorful butterflies in her stomach suffocate and turn to ash at a dark thought. _You have to break up with him today._

Yet, she can’t bring herself to deny him this small pleasure. She plants a kiss on his cheek, and Jake makes an exaggerated show of how this restores and rejuvenates him.

“Man, it feels like you didn’t just almost murder me!”

She laughs, punching him lightly in the arm for teasing her.

“But seriously, as much as I felt like dying back there, you pulled a really good chokehold.”

Amy smiles proudly. She’s been taking self-defense classes for years, and rarely has the chance to put her skills to use. Ideally, she would never want to hurt Jake, but since it happened and he complimented her, she accepts it. “Thank you.”

“Kind of hot, to be honest.”

Amy groans with a sharp roll of her eyes, which prompts Jake to chuckle his heart out.

“I’m kidding!” He says this very unconvincingly.

“You’re not.”

“Yeah, I’m not. Everything you do is just... so hot.”

Amy clears her throat shyly at the lustful look Jake casts her way, scrambling to change the subject.

“So... how long have you been waiting out here for me?”

Jake shrugs. “Uh... since seven? I got up real early to make sure I didn’t miss you. Since you love being super early for school and all.”

“Well I don’t leave the house at seven on the dot, that’s for sure.”

Jake purses his lips. “And uh... to be honest, I got here early because I couldn’t wait any longer. I just wanted to see you so badly– tried so hard to sleep last night but I mostly thought about our date today.”

Amy nods, making an effort to pull a smile despite the way her heart claws against her chest in guilt.

“Anyway uh– what’s the plan for today?” Jake continues to ask. “Where are we going for our first official date?”

He looks so proud about this, so proud that he got Amy to agree to go on an official date with him.

Amy’s heart aches for the both of them.

“Where do you suggest?”

He ponders over this for a moment.

“Hmm... there’s this new ice cream place a few streets over called Splitz. Sound good to you?”

Amy nods readily. A place where neither of them have ever been to, where they haven’t made any fond memories for her to ruin? Score.

“That sounds great, Jake.”

Jake beams so widely he could replace the sun. “Noice. Wear something pretty.”

Amy assents thoughtlessly. “Of course.”

He snorts. “That was a joke, Ames. Anything you wear is pretty.”

Amy sighs inwardly. Leaving Jake might just be the hardest thing she’ll ever have to do.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S CLOSET, 1545 HOURS, PICKING OUT DATE CLOTHES BECAUSE IT IS TIME TO DATE**

Amy takes a deep breath as she pulls open her closet doors. She’s getting dressed for her first official date with Jake. And also her last official date with Jake.

What the hell is she supposed to wear to reflect that?

She wants to be careful not to put too much effort into what she wears, because that would feel a bit too cruel. At the same time, she can’t show up too sloppy because Jake would notice something was off.

But then again, he did say that everything she wears is pretty.

Amy randomly grabs the first pair of jeans and blouse closest to her and slams her closet shut. She can’t afford to think about Jake and how pretty he might find her right now.

 

* * *

 

**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 1557 HOURS, EN ROUTE TO SPLITZ**

Amy spends the entire walk to Splitz reconsidering and debating her decision to break up with Jake. Her heart begs her not to, tells her it’s a bad idea, but her gut tells her that staying with him is an even worse idea, plus, it’s something she’s already decided upon a while ago. She can’t keep stalling or prolonging the process, or she’s going to end up regretting it. Amy knows she can’t afford to hurt herself or Jake more than she needs to.

But... in the meantime, one little ice cream date with Jake won’t hurt, right?

 

* * *

 

**SPLITZ (EXTERIOR), 1605 HOURS, MAKING OUT AGAINST THE WALL IN THE SECRET ALLEY BEHIND SPLITZ SO YEAH THEY ARE OUTSIDE SPLITZ BUT THEY AIN’T LIKE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR OR ANYTHING YA KNOW**

Look. Don’t judge Amy for this, because it is entirely Jake’s fault.

It is entirely Jake’s fault that he was hiding out in an abandoned alley when Amy arrived outside Splitz, beckoning to Amy with an excited smile.

It is entirely Jake’s fault that she followed him curiously.

It is entirely Jake’s fault for exhaling breathlessly as he took in Amy’s appearance, and it is his mistake to have said the words _“Why are you so beautiful?”_ to her.

And it is entirely Jake’s fault for pressing her up against the wall and it is entirely Jake’s fault for kissing her.

It is definitely, _definitely_ Jake’s entire fault that Amy kissed him back with the same ferociousness that he delivered. And it is his fault, again, for sliding his hands up Amy’s sides, making her groan in want.

So now, Amy’s libido is arguing with her gut, which is also still arguing with her heart.

Said heart is pumping against her chest with fervor. Jake, with his evil hands stroking her hair and tucking stray strands behind her ear, is not making things easier for her poor, tortured heart.

“Ready to date?” He asks playfully, hand casually draped on her waist.

“You know, most people usually leave the kissing for _after_ the date,” she reminds in an equally playful tone, although it dawns on her that there likely will not be a post-date kiss for them.

“We’re not most people. And you know me, I can never wait when it comes to you.”

She exhales at that. He’s too good at this. “Uh, you said time to date, right? Let’s... let’s get our date on.”

Jake chuckles, taking her hand in his naturally and strolling carelessly to the entrance of Splitz. A random stranger bursts through the door in tears.

“Uh, what was that?”

Jake clenches his teeth awkwardly. “Yeah... I just remembered this is a hotspot for people who want to break up, so... we might see a crier or two.”

Amy’s face falls. Oh god. This is going to end up horrible. Very very horrible.

“Buuuuuut they gots hella cheap ice cream!” He grins excitedly to appease her. “We’ll be fine.”

Amy nods. “Yeah, we’ll be fine,” she inhales, her words said more for her own benefit than Jake’s.

 

* * *

 

**SPLITZ (INTERIOR), 1608 HOURS, GETTING A TABLE**

“Well, aren’t you a lovely couple,” their hostess gushes as she hands them two menus.

“Is it awkward for you to say that to people only for them to break up like, within the next hour?” Jake asks curiously, right as someone runs past them in uncontrollable sobs.

“We’ve leaned into it. The staff makes bets on which couples will break up now.”

Jake nods in interest, whilst Amy goes unbelievably silent.

“I hope no one bets on us breaking up,” Jake remarks teasingly.

“I doubt so,” says the hostess. “You two seem solid.”

Amy bites her lip. Anyone who bets against them staying together is going home rich today.

They settle down in the booth, Jake flipping open the menu excitedly.

“Oh my god, they all look so beautiful–“ he rasps, fingers stroking the pictures of all the various sundaes. “This is the best day of my life.”

Does Jake somehow know about her plans to end their dalliance? Is he intentionally messing with her to make things more difficult with each passing second?

“I want the vanilla and strawberry sundae,” Amy tells a conveniently passing waiter, prompting Jake to hurry his decision making process.

“Uh, and I want the super fudge brownie bowl,” Jake grins exuberantly, handing the menu to the waiter.

“Coming right up,” he remarks with a practiced smile, walking away from them.

Jake’s smile softens and he begins to regard Amy in a more loving manner.

He takes a deep breath. “So, while they’re making our ice cream... I just wanted to ask you something.”

Amy gulps, but nods with a smile.

“Now, I know you– _we_ said that we weren’t gonna use labels but...” he laces their fingers together. “Things feel like they’ve been going great, so I was just wondering if you wanted–“

Amy’s heart nearly stops. No, no, she can’t let him say what he’s about to say– no more stalling, it’s now or never.

“Jake–“ Amy cuts in abruptly. “Stop. This... this isn’t working out.”

His entire face seems to fall into a pit of despair, but then gets uplifted again.

“Oh my god, you’re messing with me. Because we’re at Splitz.” He exhales deeply with much relief. “For a second there you almost got–“

“Jake...” Amy interrupts again, biting her lip because she’s horrible; she’s the most horrible person in the world but this is something that has to be done, and she can’t stop it from happening just because hurting Jake is so hard. “I’m not messing with you. I promise, I had no idea this place was some breakup hotspot, but I just– we can’t do this.”

His eyes glaze over with something despondent. “You’re really... you’re really breaking up with me?”

Amy takes a deep breath. She’ll burst into tears if she’s not careful. “I... well. There wasn’t anything for me to break up in the first place, right?”

She had intended for that to soften the blow of their relationship ending, but once the words barrel out of her mouth she finds that they strike even harder at the heart.

“Right.” Jake swallows thickly. “Because we didn’t make things official yet, I get it.”

He’s receding into himself, and Amy reaches for his hand. He flinches momentarily, but then freezes and lets her touch him.

He looks up at her, already broken. “Did I... did I screw something up? Is there any–“

“No Jake, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Amy assures him profusely.

“Then why are you leaving me?”

His words are so vulnerable and lacking any sort of blame or accusation that it creates a lump in Amy’s throat.

“I thought...” he continues, voice thin and meek. “I thought you liked me.”

“I... thought I did too,” she lies. “But maybe for us– for-for me... it was just attraction. A sexual tension problem. Which has... since been solved.”

“So what, you just needed to fuck me out of your system?” He scoffs painfully, and Amy lets go of his hand in fear.

“I’m sorry.” Guilt seeps into Amy’s skin like acid. He shouldn’t be sorry– he deserves to be angry, actually, but he’s too good to let himself. On top of all the reasons Amy wanted to end their relationship, she’s failed to consider the biggest one of all: she doesn’t deserve someone like him.

“No, don’t–“ Amy sighs. “Jake, I’m so sorry–“

“Don’t be sorry,” he refuses with a shake of his head. “That just makes this worse.”

“Okay. But– I hope we can stay friends. Because I don’t want things to be weird between us, and... I really like being your friend, Jake.”

Jake nods. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Although... I get if you don’t want to... see me, or talk to me for a while after this. But I don’t want things to change.”

“Of course. Nothing’s going to change. I always want to see you,” Jake says, making an effort not to sound too impassioned. His words make Amy’s heart flutter yet again.

Just then, the waiter arrives with their orders. Amy’s unsure of what to do. Wouldn’t staying to eat ice cream be too cruel?

Jake sees her internal struggle, and places his hand over hers. “Hey, just stay and eat the ice cream. Friends can do that together, right?”

Amy nods. “Yeah, yeah they can.”

“Besides, we can’t let any of those heartless waiters make money off our break up.”

“True,” Amy agrees, taking a bite of her ice cream. She moans at the soothing flavors, how well they combine and melt in her mouth. Jake chuckles at her as he digs into his own ice cream.

“What?” Amy asks, pursing her lips, licking them to ensure she’s got nothing on her mouth.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “You’re just really... _funny_.”

 

* * *

 

**SPLITZ (INTERIOR), 1636 HOURS, POST ICE CREAM HEAVEN**

“Should we split the bill?” Amy asks as they walk to the counter with their receipt.

“Hey, you dumped me– you should be paying it in full.”

Amy nods. “You’re right– ice cream’s on me.”

Jake snorts. “Wait, you bought that? I was just messing with you– but then again... if you’re paying...”

Amy rolls her eyes. “I’ll pay, relax.”

 

* * *

 

**SPLITZ (EXTERIOR), 1639 HOURS, LEAVING**

“Thanks for the ice cream,” Jake tells Amy as they walk out, consciously not holding hands this time.

“Thanks for... being so cool about all this.”

Jake nods. “Well, I’m super chill about everything, so.”

Amy smiles, then leans in and gives Jake one last peck on the lips for the road. Although, that’s just figurative, because they literally still have to kiss each other very frequently during rehearsals.

“Goodbye Jake,” she bids, turning around to make her way home.

“Goodbye Ames,” he whispers a minute later, eyes refusing to look away from her until she disappears behind a corner.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s up homegirl is back at it again 
> 
> Look I know y’all are probs mad pissed but pls do tell me what y’all think about the Council Of Amys I love them so much did they make y’all laugh at least a little 
> 
> Also yes I freaking invented a whole society of Amys for Amy to process her decision to end things with Jake I’m That Extra™ 
> 
> Also I high key want fan art of them the Council of Amys be mad gorgeous yo there’s so many Amys omg 
> 
> Which is ur fave amy more importantly which is ur fave amy ship 
> 
> I dedicate everything I’ve ever done to Ana @johnnydora bc she’s really hot 
> 
> Anyway don’t freak out about Jake and Amy breaking up okay 
> 
> I know things seem fine now since Jake took the break up p well but that’s bc he’s too in love for his own good also he’s in shock 
> 
> It’s gonna get worse
> 
> Jk 
> 
> Or am I 
> 
> Anyway pls trust me


	19. so here i am i’m dying

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0635 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#1: AT SPLITZ WITH AMY)**

They’re sitting on the same side of the booth, even though sitting across from one another is a feasible and much more spacious option.

But Jake enjoys having to squeeze, enjoys draping his arm over the top of the seat, ghosting Amy’s shoulder. Sneaking kisses is easy and tempting and what he does excessively.

Be it her cheeks, neck, forehead, lips, chin— any accessible region falls victim to Jake’s lips. He can’t stop, can’t get enough of her.

He’s being a complete nuisance, because Amy’s trying to eat their ice cream, feeding him once in a while because he refuses to touch his spoon.

She sighs in annoyance every time one of his kisses causes her to drop ice cream or dirty her face. But Jake doesn’t see how irritated she is by him.

“Do you even _want_ any of the ice cream?” Amy snaps with a roll of her eyes.

“Only if you’re feeding me. Or if it’s from your _mouth_ ,” he grins cheekily.

Amy grimaces. “That’s disgusting, Jake.”

“I know. I’m gross,” he licks ice cream off the corner of her lips and Amy nearly gags. “Mmm, tasty.”

She pushes away from him to finish the ice cream on her own and Jake chuckles in amusement at her.

“God, you’re so cute,” he marvels. “I wanna date you so hard.”

She whisks her head around, swallowing melted ice cream like piping hot rocks. “What?”

It’s a tragedy, how blind he is to Amy’s disdain.

“I said I want this to be for real. I want us to be a thing. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

Amy looks taken aback by this. “Why?”

“Because... I love you. And I want to be with you like crazy, without holding back anything.”

Amy chokes, shaking her head profusely as she starts laughing.

“No, no way.”

His face finally falters. “Wait... why not? Don’t you love me?”

Amy laughs even harder at this, like he’s just told the funniest joke.

“You think– you think anyone would love you?”

And with that last stab to his bleeding heart, Amy walks away, still laughing, and then vanishes.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0708 HOURS, REGAINING CONSCIOUSNESS**

“Amy come back– I’m sorry I’m so sorry just please–“

Jake pleads and begs with slurred words while his hands desperately paw at the mattress in search of Amy as he wakes up in a cold sweat.

_“–don’t go...”_

He realizes, after an embarrassingly long time, that Amy isn’t lying next to him. That what happened wasn’t real, but a dream.

Although, the fact that Amy is no longer by his side is something very real and very painful.

A part of him still agonizes over how he never saw it coming. Things started and ended in a whirlwind of a romance, and now Jake’s left to pick up the pieces. All by himself.

He sighs. It’s okay, things are okay.

“You’re fine,” he tells the broken reflection staring back at him in the mirror. “You do not love her. You are completely okay with all of this. You had your fun with Amy–“ his breath hitches painfully–“but... that’s over now. And you’re okay with that. And you don’t love her.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL GYM, 1107 HOURS, CRASHING THE GIRL’S HALF OF THE GYM**

“Hey,” Jake taps Amy on the shoulder as she does stretches, scaring the daylights out of her because it’s not something he’s done before.

“Jake?” Amy’s heart races as she takes in his appearance, hating the reminder of how good Jake looks in his PE kit. She has a problem. “What are you doing on this side of the gym?”

People that see their interaction are staring and whispering. It’s not like the rumors about them dating aren’t enough, now Jake has to trespass into the girl’s half of the gym.

“Did you see the text Gina sent out? Was there a rehearsal scheduled today?”

Amy shakes her head. “No, there wasn’t supposed to be. What text?”

“Oh, uh...” Jake reaches into his pocket, whipping out his phone.

“Wait, your PE kit shorts have pockets?!” Amy frowns, feeling jealous. “They don’t have that for girls.”

“Yeah, you never noticed?” Jake asks as he shows Amy the text, which she notes with a glance.

**_bitches meet @ Theatre™ 3:30 thx_ **

“No, Jake, I don’t stare at all the boys’ shorts during Gym to check for _pockets_ ,” she retorts sarcastically. “Especially since they split the boys and girls up.”

“I didn’t say you had to stare at all the boys’ shorts,” Jake says playfully, gaze darkening. “Just stare at mine.”

Apparently, getting dumped by her after unofficially dating for a week won’t stop Jake from flirting with Amy Santiago.

As the wise saying goes, ‘can’t stop, won’t stop’.

Amy blushes in a noticeable manner that gets Jake laughing. And even more people staring. It’s a good thing both the gym teachers left for the bathroom five minutes ago and still haven’t returned.

“MAKE OUT!” Someone yells from across the gym, which gets a lot of people’s attention. And applause, meant to encourage Jake and Amy to kiss.

Amy buries her head in her hands. “I think you should go back, Jake.”

“Really?” He says with a grin. “We shouldn’t give the people what they want?”

“I think by people, you mean Charles,” Amy gestures, over to Charles who was most definitely the one who yelled for them to kiss, prompting the mass hysteria.

“That’s true.”

“Go play dodgeball, Jake,” Amy gently prompts, feeling the burn of everyone’s stares.

“Only if you _promise_ not to stare at my ass.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Yes, Jake, I promise I won’t stare at your ass. Go!”

He chuckles, walking away with a skip in his step.

“Oh, and if you see something that looks like a phone in my pocket, that’s both my phone and also me being really happy to see you!”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1530 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (EMERGENCY MEETING CALLED BY GINA)**

“Gina, what’s up? Is Holt coming?” Jake asks as he enters, settling in with the other members in front of Gina.

“Nope,” Gina shakes her head. “But this is hella important. All hands on deck sitch.”

Jake widens his eyes. “What happened?”

After Amy walks in and settles down next to Jake (not on purpose, okay? there just happened to be an empty space next to him and it was the most accessible place to sit), Gina gives Charles some sort of cue that prompts him to open the stage curtains.

“Everyone, the band struck back and got their revenge on us,” Gina announces, gesturing to the set pieces gathered on stage behind the curtains.

“Oh my god,” Jake rasps. “They spray-painted dicks all over our set!”

“And also one vagina,” Charles adds on. “It said _#Equality_ next to it too.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Jake nods with a smile. “That’s nice.”

“No, Jake. That’s not nice. We have to paint over all of the graffiti, and that’s going to take hours at least,” Gina sighs. “The band sucks.”

“Honestly, I’m just surprised it took them this long to strike back,” Jake remarks. “I mean, we dumped salsa into Boone’s music thingy at least a month ago.”

“Yeah, it either took them a long time to organize this, or they just didn’t know about the prank we pulled because the band has nothing important to rehearse for.”

“I think it’s a little bit of both.”

“Anyway!” Gina claps her hands together. “I want everyone in groups of two, painting a set piece each. Go go go!”

Jake turns to Amy, who’s awkwardly looking around for a partner, even though she’s not actually approaching anyone to ask.

“You know, we can paint set pieces together,” he tells her. “You don’t have to be shy about it.”

She scoffs lightheartedly. “I’m not being shy about it. I just... thought you’d be partnering up with Boyle.”

“Oh, you’re right!” He says exaggeratedly, turning in the direction of Charles. “HEY CHARLES! DO YOU WANT ME TO PARTNER AMY OR YOU!”

He expects Charles to be all over his partnership with Amy.

“OF COURSE _WE_ SHOULD BE PARTNERS, JAKE!”

Uh oh. Apparently not.

Amy snickers quietly behind him and Jake sighs as he watches his dear friend Charles grab paint brushes and paint buckets.

“No, stop!” Gina orders, and Jake’s never felt more relieved and grateful about the amount of power she wields. “We have an odd number of people today, so Charles is the only one who paints alone because he’s the most efficient painter. Jake, you’ll only end up distracting him. You’re with Amy.”

Jake barely manages to suppress his smile. “Sorry, Charles!”

“No, Jake, I’m sorry!” Charles huffs. “Me and my stupid amazing painting skills!”

“Alright, it’s okay buddy,” Jake taps Charles on the shoulder as he grabs some of the painting supplies. “I’m just going to paint with Amy now.”

“Yeah,” Charles glares at Amy. “Have fun _bonding_ , you two.”

“Charles, you told us to make out earlier today. I thought you’d be happy about this,” Amy says as she assists Jake with the gathering of painting supplies.

“Not when you’re stealing my painting buddy!” He exclaims, storming off to paint efficiently.

“Have you ever painted anything with him?” Amy asks Jake.

“Not even once.”

They walk towards the last set piece that no one has taken up yet, lifting it together and moving it to an empty space.

“Sorry you didn’t get to paint with your painting buddy,” Amy remarks teasingly as they set the set piece down.

Jake snorts. “It’s okay. It’s not everyday that I get to paint over dicks with someone as beautiful as you.”

Amy’s lungs freeze over, and she’s left standing there like an idiot while Jake gets started on painting. She can only watch, completely fazed, as his fingers wrap around the brush, cursing herself for her still very much present attraction to him. That she’s not allowed to reveal, since she led Jake to believe that her non-existent attraction for him is why she terminated their relationship.

Why must he be so charming? Why is he still flirting with her so forwardly despite her dumping him? Does he remember that she broke up with him?

Oh my god, what if he forgot that she broke up with him?

Never mind, that’s unlikely. Amy just needs to do a better job of managing her feelings. That’s all.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1553 HOURS, PAINTING OVER DICKS WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

“Hey, I just wanted to say that I’m glad things are okay between us,” Amy tells Jake as she paints. “I thought things would be all... weird and awkward.”

Jake peers at Amy. “Did you want me to be all moody and sad?”

Amy flinches at this. “No! Of course not.”

Jake tuts disapprovingly at Amy. “I can’t believe you wanted me to mope around for you.”

“I didn’t!” She insists, making Jake laugh. “Seriously, I’m happy about all this.”

“Yeah, well, I’m over it. Besides, how could I be unhappy?” He tells her. “I’m here with you.”

Right before her heart melts, Jake gets excited about something else.

“Amy, oh my god.”

“What is it?”

“We got the set piece with the vagina– and it looks _exactly_ like yours.”

“What?!” Amy rushes over to Jake’s side of the set piece, only to hit him on the shoulder as he breaks out into uncontrollable laughter. “You idiot, that looks nothing like mine!”

“I know,” he winks, sending a rush through Amy as she hides her blush.

A few minutes later, she attempts to get back at him.

“Jake, this penis looks exactly like yours,” she tells him excitedly, only to get him calmly walking towards her.

She giggles, because the penis painting she’s showing him is a depiction of a very misshapen and limp male genitalia.

Except it’s drawn very big to take up as much space on the set piece as it possibly can, which is what Jake capitalizes on.

“Amy, just because I felt huge inside you doesn’t mean I’m actually that big,” Jake gestures, pointing out the size of the dick painting to Amy whose cheeks burn with an unforgiving heat.

“I– that’s not what– it’s not drawn to scale!”

Jake squeezes Amy’s shoulder with a patronizing look. “Sure, Ames.”

She huffs, something which makes him laugh as he gets back to painting.

Amy gets back to painting too, but instead of painting over the penises, she draws one of her own.

She ensures it’s as small as she can possibly get it to be, whilst still ensuring it remains identifiable.

“Jake, it’s your penis,” she taps him on the back to get his attention when she’s finished.

She bites her lip to keep from laughing as he examines it.

“Oh Amy...” he shakes his head at her, which is disappointing because that means he has a comeback. “I know you’re obsessed with my dick, but that doesn’t mean you should vandalize the already vandalized set piece. Have some respect!”

Amy’s mouth falls open in indigence at Jake’s comeback, unable to believe that her plan didn’t work.

“I’m trying to say it’s small!” She insists, infuriated. But it doesn’t faze Jake.

“But do you really think it’s small?”

Amy exhales sharply. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Yes,” he says with no hesitation. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Amy lightly dips her fingers into the bucket of paint, before flicking said paint in Jake’s face.

“That’s what I’m going to do,” she says confidently.

“Bring it on then,” Jake retorts, dipping his fingers in the paint with relish.

 

* * *

 

**DRESSING ROOM, 1621 HOURS, POST PAINT CONFLICT (AKA WORLD WAR WATERCOLOR)**

Jake and Amy only stop flicking paint at each other when they get caught by Gina, and are ordered to clean the paint off their faces before it sets in their skin or does something else damaging.

“Wow,” Jake chortles as he looks into the mirror. “I look like someone skinned my face, but instead of red my blood is grey and disgusting.”

Amy chuckles, her face much less worse off than Jake’s. “Oops. I might have gone a bit too far?”

“Just ‘a bit too far’? Amy, you dipped both your hands in paint and put them all over my face!”

She cracks up at that, because that’s exactly what happened. “Yeah, and now my hands are covered in paint because of that!”

“Oh, boo hoo,” Jake squints his eyes as he delivers this sarcastically.

“And besides,” Amy retorts. “You would’ve done the same thing to me as revenge if Gina hadn’t stopped us then.”

“Touché. Guess you have her to thank for keeping your face gorgeous,” Jake makes his way towards the dressing room toilet. “And let’s hope our school’s generic brand soap gets all this off.”

“It won’t,” Amy tells him, reaching for the cabinets in the dressing room. “We need stronger stuff.”

“Okay,” he agrees, stepping into the small washroom. “Bring in anything you think we might need so we can get cleaned up.”

 

* * *

 

**DRESSING ROOM BATHROOM, 1652 HOURS, CLEANING UP WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

After they both scrub their faces clean with facial cleanser, Amy ensures that makeup remover gets rid of any remnants of the paint.

This all takes an insanely long time, for Jake especially, because the paint they tossed at each other was strong and fast-drying, teaching them a painful lesson that paint should not be used in a petty fight.

Unfortunately, neither of them have any regrets.

“There,” Amy declares as she cleans the last of Jake’s face. She’s had to sit on the counter next to the sink for most of it to give herself comfortable access to his face.

He beams at her in gratitude. “Thanks for making me beautiful again.”

She titters as she disposes of the cotton pad in her hand. “Of course. How would the world keep turning otherwise?”

“Yeah, Amy,” he smirks. “The world froze in place because you made me ugly. Imagine what would happen if _you_ stopped being beautiful?”

Amy gasps dramatically, playing along wholeheartedly. “Jake, the world would explode!”

This sets them off and they start laughing uncontrollably for at least a minute or two.

“Should we get back out there?” Amy asks when they finally settle down.

“Yeah, but wait–“ Jake pauses as he notices something–“you have paint over there.”

Amy’s eyes widen. “Where?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it.” Jake puts some makeup remover on a fresh cotton pad and begins dabbing it on Amy’s face, getting the paint out after he realizes dabbing is ineffective and starts rubbing instead.

“All gone,” he tells Amy, throwing the cotton pad away.

“Is there any paint left?” She asks. “I think I must’ve been too focused on getting your face clean to be as thorough for myself.”

Jake inspects her face, fingers grazing her cheek as his eyes roam around. “No, you look perfect.”

His words are loaded and heavy, and even as he decides that Amy’s face is free of paint, his fingers stay on her face, whilst his gaze intensifies.

Amy stays silent and stares back at him, her heart pumping at the way Jake looks at her. An insuppressible force propels Amy forward, and her lips meet Jake in a kiss.

So Jake and Amy are making out in the dressing room. What’s new, right?

Here’s what’s new: They’re together in the small bathroom of the dressing room for the first time, Amy’s sitting next to the sink, and Jake is standing in between her thighs.

Oh, and also, Amy broke up with Jake a day ago, terminating their relationship before Jake could request for an official place in her heart.

Unofficially, he’s already there, but what’s important here is to note how Amy has no business kissing Jake.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, depending on how one views the situation), it is Jake that pulls away first.

“Amy–“

His words get stuck in his throat as his lungs clamor for air. Despite having the sense to end things, he comes to this conclusion slow. Every time Amy’s scent invades his nostrils Jake’s brain turns to mush, and he so badly wants to give up and give in to his useless impulses. But he wants answers.

Amy is worse off, on the other hand, having completely given in to her own impulses. Although Jake’s lips leave hers, Amy’s hands get busy with his shirt.

“Amy, stop,” Jake heaves unevenly. His instruction comes a little late given how four of his shirt buttons are already popped open when she lets go of him. “What are you doing?”

His words strike her, showing how off the rails she has gone.

“Uh...” she trails off nervously. “I...”

“Amy, I thought you weren’t attracted to me anymore.”

“And I’m not!”

He rolls his eyes at her insistence. “Really, Ames? Half my shirt is undone.”

She averts her eyes in slight embarrassment. “Well... maybe I happen to be a tad bit _less_ un-attracted to you than I thought?”

He’s equally enthralled and enraged by this confession, but he lets his anger take center stage for the moment because he can’t afford to enable Amy as she talks in confusing circles.

“Yeah? Then maybe you should’ve thought about that for a while more. Don’t dump me and then kiss me the next day, things don’t work like that.”

Amy gulps, but Jake’s hostility has her firing back. “Who... who said I kissed you? Pretty sure your lips moved first, Peralta.”

He scoffs. “Okay. Sure. Say I kissed you first. Why didn’t you push me away?”

He crosses his arms, raising his eyebrows with a deep-cutting smirk.

She gives him a sheepish shrug. “Because you’re so strong?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere– but not this time. Tell me the truth, Amy.”

There’s no playfulness on his face, only cynicism. It scares Amy, especially since Jake was a lot more tame during their actual breakup. Apparently, Jake could accept Amy losing feelings and attraction for him, but he can’t let her get away now that he’s called her bluff.

“Because... I...” she huffs. “Why are you acting all high and mighty anyway? You’ve been flirting with me all day!”

Jake scoffs even harder this time. “Yeah, so? I did that because I still like you.”

“Oh.” Apart from that, Amy is speechless.

“I’m not going to instantly lose feelings for you just because you thought it was fun to crush my heart. And apparently, lie about your own feelings. You said you didn’t like me, and that you weren’t attracted to me anymore. Seeing how you nearly sucked my face off seconds ago, what am I supposed to believe?”

Amy peers at him meekly. “Jake, you’re scaring me.”

Since the time of their break up over 24 hours ago, Jake’s had time to let the shock wear off, the doubt unravel his sanity, and the sorrow distort into a harsh anger. But the second she says those words, combined with the look on her face, all his feelings either dissipate or get suppressed.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes immediately. “Amy, look... I really care about you. And if I scared you off yesterday by wanting to make things official... I’m sorry for that too.”

Amy doesn’t know what to say, only knows that she’s sinking further into the pit of guilt she’s dug for herself. She would prefer getting told off by Jake.

“No, Jake–“

“Hey, if you want things to go back to the way they were, I’m okay with pretending yesterday didn’t happen.”

He leans in closer now, the look on his face once again vulnerable and welcoming. Jake presses a very slow and hesitant kiss against the corner of her lips. He means it as a silent invitation for her to take if she wants what he offers.

Amy feels tempted as she catches a whiff of Jake’s dizzying smell. Her lips move against his despite her better judgement, and he sighs in an uplifting way that takes Amy out of this world.

Things get heated again, and expand past the confines of a simple make out session. Jake’s hand slides up Amy’s thigh and his fingers reach for the button of her jeans. He wants to touch her again, he wants to please her again.

But it’s all a lie. That’s what she’s been reduced to at the moment— a pile of lies that has Jake none the wiser. Too many things, ranging from the reasons she gave for leaving him, all the way to how she kisses him right now, are lies through and through.

She cannot keep lying to him.

“Jake–“ she pushes him away this time, and she hates herself for the fond and trusting stare that has already found its way back to Jake’s face. “I... yesterday wasn’t a spur of the moment decision.”

“It... it wasn’t?”

His face is falling apart again, but Amy is too busy breaking herself to help pick up the pieces.

“No, I’m sorry Jake. I shouldn’t be kissing you, and I shouldn’t have kissed you in the first place. It’s my fault.”

Jake no longer looks like he cares about accusing or putting any sort of blame on her. He just wants her now, and watching her push him away again is killing him.

It kills her too, having to hurt him twice. And to make matters worse, he looks even more distraught than the first time.

“I admit to lying yesterday. I do still like you, and I am definitely attracted to you,” she confesses, and for a moment this is enough to fill Jake with bliss, because he’s a loser.

He touches her arm flirtatiously. “Do you also think I’m hot?”

He has very messed up priorities. “Yes,” Amy tells him.

“Am I sexy to you?”

“Yes, Jake. Very sexy.”

A wide smile spreads across Jake’s face. Whether she’s saying it to be truthful or to pacify him, he appreciates it all the same.

“I think you’re sexy too, Ames,” he utters in a low voice, rubbing her collar tightly between his fingers, mere inches from the buttons he so badly wants to undo.

But even so, that would still be a consolation prize.

“Please, Jake. Don’t tempt me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Too late,” he murmurs, words that cut both of them deeply.

So she kisses him yet again to numb the pain, but they don’t last a minute before Jake drags himself away.

“No, no, you’re right.” He breathes. “This does hurt. If you like me and find me attractive why wouldn’t you want to be with me?”

“Is... is knowing that important?”

“I want to be with you more than anything, Ames. So yes, knowing is important.”

Amy takes a deep breath. “Jake... can’t you just trust me on this one? I have good reasons for this, and us dating is just a bad idea. Can’t we just be friends?”

Jake bites his lip. “Okay. Okay, friends it is. But you have to promise not to kiss me. Or give me any wrong ideas. Or... false hope.”

Amy nods. “Of course. The last thing I want to do is lead you on.”

“You have to take the lead on this ‘platonic friendship’ thing too. Because I don’t know how to stop liking you. I’m gonna need your help with that.”

Amy doesn’t know how to stop liking Jake either. She can’t be the teacher if she’s also the student, but she doesn’t tell Jake this.

“Okay. Maybe... you could stop flirting with me so much?”

Jake widens his eyes at this. “Uh, yeah, that’s going to take a while. I don’t think I can stop doing that anytime soon.”

Amy blushes at his demurring. “Then take your time. I’ll just... learn to tolerate it.”

“Tolerate?” He says with a snide look. “Try ‘not getting hecka seduced by my wily charms and jumping me in a bathroom’, Amy. Okay never mind, that’s too long.”

She bubbles with a subdued laughter. “Sure. So... friends?”

Jake nods. “Friends. Let’s get outta here, buddy.”

“Yes, but before we do that, I think you should button your shirt back up.”

“Right, no more stripping me, Ames,” he warns teasingly. “I’m very serious about this. And the kissing thing too. If your lips get anywhere near my face I’m calling the cops.”

She giggles heartily. “You do realize we still have to kiss for the play, right?”

“No exceptions, Amy. Get ready to be tossed in the slammer, where your law-breaking butt belongs.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1713 HOURS, BACK TO PAINTING OVER DICKS WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

“What took you two so long?” Gina chides the two as they walk back to their designated set piece.

“Uh... the paint was really hard to get off our faces,” Amy explains.

“Why do you care? I haven’t seen you pick up a brush since everyone started painting,” Jake retorts.

Gina scowls at him. “Don’t be rude, Jacob. I’m _supervising_. That’s a job too.”

Jake nods, motioning to pick up a brush when Gina notices something.

“Wait a minute... this dick wasn’t here before,” she notes. “It’s painted on with our paint, not the band’s spray paint.”

Gina eyes the both of them suspiciously. “Who drew this?”

Jake and Amy freeze in uncertainty.

“Jake did!” Amy accuses in panic, pointing at Jake. “He... he said that’s what his penis looks like. Drawn to scale.”

Gina bursts out in laughter and so do other members of the club in the vicinity.

Jake gives Amy a look of betrayal. “You’re in big trouble.”

Understanding exactly what sort of trouble she’s in, Amy takes off running immediately to escape, and Jake takes to his heels in pursuit of her.

“ _Click_ ,” Gina drags as she snaps a picture of the penis painting, texting it to Rosa who rushes over to watch her post it on all her social media platforms.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0343 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#2: PINING AMY TO THE GROUND FOR LYING TO EVERYONE ABOUT THE PENIS SHE DREW)**

“I’m sorry!” She apologizes in between giggles, begging Jake who has her arms held tightly beneath his hands to release her.

“Sorry won’t cut it, Ames,” he drawls. “You have to be punished for your crimes.”

He begins tickling her without mercy, and she giggles incessantly at his relentlessness, trying to dodge and push him away, failing to form enough comprehensible sentences to stop Jake.

In reality, she manages to escape from his clutches and run back to the theater, holding up a paintbrush to threaten another paint war should Jake fail to surrender. They call a truce and continue painting the set piece until no traces of vandalism remain.

But in his currently blissful subconscious, Jake decides to have mercy on Amy before she escapes.

“Alright, no more tickling. But you still need to be punished.”

The smile she gives him next seems to pose a challenge. “How?”

His fingers trace the smooth edges of her face. “Kiss me.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to kiss you anymore. You threatened to call the police.”

“In this case, I am the police. And just because you can’t kiss me doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you.”

Amy smiles slyly at this. “Then I guess you have no choice but to kiss me. After all, it is my punishment.”

Jake swoops down to meet her passionately in a slick and open-mouthed kiss. It doesn’t take long for things to delve deeper, and soon their fingers race to undo each other’s clothes, like an unspoken competition to see who can get the other naked first.

Her buttons fly open as his fingers whisk down her shirt, shrugging it off along with her bra which conveniently opens from the front.

He attaches his mouth to her piquant flesh, inhaling her skin as his hands start to satisfy his cravings for touching her. She responds with amorous sounds that play like music to his ears, firing him up even more.

He raises his head momentarily to watch her writhe beneath him, only to see the contortion of desire on her face dissolve into a beguiling smile.

But he does not see the foreboding flash in her eyes, and her smile only serves to fill him with rapture.

“I love you so much,” he rhapsodizes as his hand slides down her body heatedly.

Suddenly, it’s as if Amy can’t hold back her feelings anymore and she starts cackling wildly at him, easily pushing Jake off.

“Are you kidding me right now?” She snaps her fingers once and her clothes appear back on her person immaculately, leaving Jake naked and heartbroken on the floor.

“What? No, I...”

“You’re crazy.”

A tear falls from his face, and he attempts to crawl closer to her. “Okay, I take it back. I don’t love you, just come back to me.”

She rolls her eyes in disgust. “You’re pathetic.”

“I thought you still liked me, at least. You said you were attracted–“

Amy barrels over in fits of mocking laughter again. “You actually believed that? I was lying, you weirdo. Why would I touch you? You’re gross and you make me want to throw up.”

Jake glowers painfully at this. “I don’t believe you. You–“

“Who cares about what you believe, or want to think?” She squats down to meet him at eye level. “I hate you– and I’m not saying that to turn you on, I’m saying that because I mean it.”

With a last malicious snicker, Amy walks away from Jake, leaving nothing for him but a frightening chill and an execrable taste in the back of his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My school’s PE shorts have pockets for the boys but the girl’s’ pockets are teeny and INSIDE the pants and there’s only ONE LIKE??? What u want me putting in here?? A bobby pin??? That shit gon stab me (also they split the guys and girls up for gym in Jake and Amy’s school)
> 
> The gym teachers that left were either having a secret coffee break or secretly copulating take ur pick jk y’all don’t care at all what the gym teachers were up to 
> 
> The band spray painting dicks all over the drama club’s set wasn’t meant to mimic how the police chief commissioner’s son spray painted dicks on cop cars but since it looks like a parallel imma pretend it was a parallel and not another crazy immature idea of mine 
> 
> Yes I would like “painting over dicks” to catch on usher in the new year by painting over dicks my friends 
> 
> For those of y’all who are confused as to why Amy won’t tell Jake the real reason she’s dumping him– the reason will be revealed soon lmao I’m not telling you 
> 
> Am I sorry for the nightmareS?? Maybe. Were they necessary? Probably not? I hope they didn’t break y’all????? 
> 
> Lmao sorry this is technically part one of a three part chapter I’m sorry this one was short and painful that was my exact intention 
> 
> Happy new year!!!! Hahahahaha pls don’t hate me


	20. a skeptic, a traitor

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1641 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (TERRY’S BACK Y’ALL!)**

Everyone hoots and hollers as Terry enters the theater, all seated on the empty stage obediently surrounding Holt. They haven’t seen Terry in weeks, and everyone misses him dearly.

“Terry, nice pass in that game last night!”

“I loved your tackle against that Raiders linebacker!”

Okay so, maybe there are some specific reasons why the club misses Terry a lot more than usual today. But then again, he’s been playing fantastically this season. They can’t help but be proud. And more importantly, eager to show that they’re affiliated to him.

“Okay, settle down everyone. I’ll answer any questions later– there’s a reason I’m here today.”

“Yes, Jeffords has an announcement to make. I urge everyone to maintain their composure,” Holt instructs.

Terry reaches into his back pocket and pulls something out in excitement. “I have four tickets to my game in New York this Friday!”

Everyone fails to stay composed after this, obviously, but that happens to be Terry’s exact intention.

“Who gets the tickets?” Someone asks, prompting murmurs of speculation.

“Let’s settle this Battle Royale style!”

“IT’S A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!”

“I’LL KILL YOU ALL IF I HAVE TO!”

“Alright, alright,” Terry holds up his hands to settle the students. “Everyone calm down. These tickets aren’t getting awarded randomly, I actually need whoever’s going to help me with something.”

Everyone listens obediently.

“Whoever goes for the game must be willing to discuss all the plays I’ve been writing for the club in an interview. There’s been a lot of hype surrounding that aspect of my life lately, and I want to show people that theatre is something I love and am proud of.”

Everyone cheers and claps in admiration at this, hamming up their reactions to curry Terry’s favor despite the genuine sentiments behind their celebration.

“So are you picking people, or is this a volunteer thing?”

Terry smiles benevolently at this. “I’m sure all of you are qualified to go for the interview–“

“If I might interject, Jeffords, I do not believe that is true. Certainly there must be some form of _criteria_ that separates more qualified students from less qualified ones.”

Terry hums hesitantly at this. “Well, if I had to pick, I’d say that members with bigger roles or leadership positions in this year’s production might lend more credibility for the interview?”

This is clearly something hard for him to say, as he delivers it nervously and trails off at the end.

“Okay. So... obviously, I should be going,” Gina pipes up, and no one challenges her. “And I guess I should pick whoever else gets to go too?”

Terry lights up in relief at this. He doesn’t want to make this decision for fear of facing resentment, and if Gina makes the call, no one will fight her on it. It’s perfect. “Yes, is everyone alright with that?”

Gina turns around to stare down the club. No one objects.

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S CAR (EXTERIOR), 0900 HOURS, DRIVING UP TO ORCHARD PARK**

No prizes for guessing which three members Gina ends up choosing to take with her to the game.

“Alright, ready?” Gina asks Amy who’s loading her overnight bag in the boot of her car.

“I still wish we didn’t have to get excused from classes for this,” Amy laments as she shuts the boot. “What if we miss out on something important?”

“Literally no one is sharing your attitude, Amy,” Jake grins as he opens the car door for Amy to get in before he squeezes in next to her in the back. He’s pumped to no end about getting to skip school.

“Starting to think I should’ve brought Boyle instead of you, Santiago,” Gina clucks disapprovingly. “Maybe he would be more appreciative. Actually, there might be some time to swap you out. We all know how quickly Charles can pack–“

“No, no!” Amy shakes her head in fear, Jake looking equally frightened at the prospect of Amy leaving. “I’m very appreciative, this is still a great opportunity and experience.”

Gina titters, petting Amy on the head as she swells with pride. “That’s my girl. Besides, Charles would’ve asked to play weird songs or he would sing, which is much worse than anything you might do,” she shudders.

“I’ll be on my best behavior,” Amy assures.

“What? Ugh, no, that’s even worse. I want you on your _worst_ behavior. Get crazy, Amy. But try not to get into trouble. That would just give me a lot of work to do.”

Gina starts the car after that.

“You sure you’re okay driving?” Jake asks. “We’ll be on the road for at least six hours.”

“I’ll switch with her when she gets tired,” Rosa says. She currently rides shotgun, which is obvious. Her not riding shotgun when Gina is driving would be the weird occurrence.

“Okay. Should Amy and I tag in too?”

Gina shakes her head. “I don’t trust either of you with my car. Also you’re both paying for lunch and other gas or snack related expenses today.”

“What?” Jake grouses. “That’s not fair, I basically paid for our hotel rooms!”

Gina rolls her eyes. She can’t believe she considers this cheap ass loser one of her best friends. He’s eighteen years old, and the last time anyone checked, Jake had -$73. How is that even possible? “You mean your rich uncle hooked us up. You didn’t pay a single cent.”

“Yeah but... I had to _ask_ him for help, which is like... a lot.”

Amy taps Jake on the shoulder, careful to hide how much she wants to roll her eyes at the moment. “It’s okay, Jake. I’ll pay. Where are we staying again?”

“Staybridge Suites.” Jake declares proudly, as if he owns the hotel, which is so far from the truth it hurts. “It’s hella sweet, and also hella expensive, but my uncle knows the owner.”

Amy’s eyes widen in glee. She’s very impressed. “How’d you get him to do that?”

“I said I could get him the autograph of any NFL player.”

Amy looks less impressed now, and skepticism quickly colors her face. “ _Any_ NFL player’s autograph? How would you go about doing that?”

“I figured I’d just ask Terry to get it, since we’re kinda doing this as an awesome favor to him.”

Amy narrows her eyes at Jake in apprehension. “But Terry isn’t friends with every NFL player.”

“Yeah, that didn’t occur to me at the time. But thankfully, my uncle is hecka into Terry right now since he’s playing so well, so I didn’t have to worry about anything. I think Terry might actually become famous, y’all. How crazy is that? But yeah, that’s how I hooked us up with three rooms.”

Amy raises her eyebrow. “Three rooms?”

“Yeah, I’m rooming with you.”

Amy’s eyes widen in fear. “UH–“

“You’re cool with it right? Our room only has a single but there’s a couch that you can take.”

That’s when Amy catches onto his lie, rolling her eyes and leaning back in her seat.

“Relax, Amy. Gina and I are sharing a room. Jake’s uncle said he couldn’t give us more than three. We figured you’d prefer your own space.”

Amy sighs in relief, nodding at Rosa. “Thank you. I’m more than happy to pay for food and gas expenses if that’s the case.”

Jake shakes his head at Amy, tutting in disdain. “Wow, Ames. Rude _and_ hurtful. I happen to be an _excellent_ roommate.”

Amy smirks haughtily at him. “I’d rather not find out whether that’s true. I’m sleeping in my own bed _all by myself_ , thank you very much.”

_Famous last words._

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S CAR (INTERIOR), 0923 HOURS, DRIVING UP TO ORCHARD PARK**

Jake sits up suddenly in his seat, eyes widening in realization.

“Guys, I forgot something!”

“What? What is it?”

“Did you forget to pack underwear again?” Gina sighs, something that Amy is curious to hear about yet doesn’t want to hear about all the same.

“ROADTRIP!!!!!!” Jake exclaims excitedly, which gets everyone groaning.

“Jake, I swear, I am _this close_ to throwing you out the car,” Rosa threatens as she rests on the headrest.

“Point taken.”

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S CAR (INTERIOR), 1132 HOURS, ROADTRIP!!!!!! TO ORCHARD PARK**

Amy gets woken up from her nap by Jake tapping on her shoulder without pausing, not even for a second. His energy is boundless, like an unstoppable force. Sadly, as she doesn’t have enough determination to ignore him, she decides to entertain whatever annoying reason he’s waking her up for.

“What is it?” She grumbles tiredly, still determined to get back to sleep after Jake backs off.

“Will you play ‘I Spy’ with me?” Jake asks innocently.

“What are you, six?”

“Hey, that’s _their_ attitude, get your _own_ attitude!”

Amy rolls her eyes, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. “Fine, you’re five, happy?”

Jake grins playfully. “Much better. So... are you playing?”

“I have a feeling there’s no escaping this, so yeah, whatever.”

Jake claps his hands together, rubbing them in thought. “Okay, great. I’ll start. I... spy with my little eye... something that begins with... H!”

Amy glances around the car. There aren’t many things to choose from. “Head? Hair?”

Jake shakes his head.

“Hand?”

Jake grins. “You’re horrible at this.”

Amy scowls competitively.

“No I’m not! Is it Horn?”

This gets Jake raising his eyebrow suggestively, and Amy scoffs in disbelief, even though she should’ve known that he’d jump to a dirty conclusion, despite how little sense it might make.

“As in _car horn_ , Jake.”

“Oh.” He shakes his head. “No.”

Amy purses her lips in thought. “Uh... Hole?”

Jake chuckles at this. “Hole? Where’s the hole?”

“I don’t know! I give up.”

Jake lifts up his hand, which had been hidden from view by his lap before. Unbeknownst to Amy, he was holding onto something the whole time.

“It’s Hershey’s!” he announces happily as he chomps down on the chocolate.

“Not fair!” Amy complains. “I couldn’t see that.”

“Not my fault you didn’t want to search me,” Jake shrugs, words garbled from the food in his mouth, which prompts a look of disgust from Amy.

“Fine, I’ll be more observant next time. Is it my turn now?”

Jake nods, swallowing the last of his chocolate. “Give me everything ya got.”

“I spy with my little eye... something that begins with B.”

Jake smiles cheekily. “Boobs!”

“You’re disgusting. That’s not what I’m thinking of.”

Jake crosses his arms. “Fine. Bra?”

Amy rolls her eyes. “How’s that an improvement? Also, you can’t even see my bra right now.”

“That’s what you think,” Jake says with a wink.

Amy buttons up her jacket as she squints her eyes at Jake. This amuses him to no end, as he loves how seriously she takes his words.

“Blazer?” Jake attempts.

“This isn’t a blazer, Jake.”

Jake sighs, turning around. “Boot?”

“No.”

“Bag?”

Amy shakes her head. She smiles at his more appropriate attempts to guess what she spies with her little eye, and she smiles also because Jake seems to be unable to guess what she’s thinking of, which means she’s winning.

Obviously, however, Jake being Jake– has to ruin his appropriate track record (that was already very short to begin with, he guessed three things that were appropriate, viable guesses) by being an immature idiot.

Jake’s eyes trail to her chest. “You _sure_ it’s not Boobs?”

Amy exhales in exasperation, which Jake takes to mean he’s wrong.

“It’s Breasts!” He inappropriately attempts once more. “Did I get it?”

Amy hides her face in her hands. “No Jake, using a synonym doesn’t change the fact that you’re wrong.”

“It would’ve been a really good trick if that was what you were going for, though.”

“True. But it’s not what I went for, so guess again.”

“Oh! Butt!” The look on his face tells Amy that he is either most definitely doing this on purpose, or he’s just... a hopeless loser. Or both. “Am I right this time?”

Amy groans. “Jake, I assure you, it’s _not_ a body part.”

“It isn’t? Ah, screw this. I give up,” Jake says, sighing and crossing his arms.

“It was Brown, Jake. My loafers are brown, my hair is brown– so many things in this car are brown. I was trying to make it easy for you.”

“Hey!” Jake protests. “Brown is a color, not an object. Doesn’t count.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll stick to objects. Your turn.”

Jake smiles widely, which gets Amy feeling a tad bit nervous. _“I spy with my little eye something that begins with D.”_

“That was fast.”

“I didn’t have to think about it that long or hard. Which coincidentally describes what I’m thinking about,” he winks.

Amy sighs, refusing to take the bait.

“Is it... Drink?” She asks, referring to the bottle of orange soda Jake has next to him.

Jake shakes his head, grinning widely. “Nope. But what you guessed is nearby to what I’m thinking of.”

“Donut?”

Jake’s eyes widen. “Donut? Where?!”

Amy shrugs. “I don’t know, I assumed there was a donut somewhere here. But your reaction tells me that’s not the answer.”

Jake’s eyes search Gina’s car, his priorities completely switching now. “You sure there’s no donuts in here? Man, now I want a donut.”

Rosa sighs, reaching into some compartment of Gina’s car and retrieving a paper bag filled with donut holes. She picks one up and tosses it into Jake’s mouth, who catches it and eats it cheerfully. With said mouth.

“Thanks Diaz!” He gives her a thumbs up, words rolling out low and awkward in between chews. Rosa rolls her eyes as she leans back in her seat.

Amy’s eyes light up at this, thinking she’s cracked it. “Diaz! It’s Diaz! She’s tall, which is another way to say _long_ , and she’s hard _personality wise_ because she’s tough, and also she’s in close proximity to your drink!”

Jake swallows his donut hole, before he shakes his head. “Wrong! Dead wrong. Rosa’s not an object, Ames. How _dare_ you objectify her to win your _sick games?”_

Amy rolls her eyes. “Jake, this was your suggested game. And I’m not objectifying her!”

Jake turns to look at Rosa. “Really Rosa? _That_ how you feel?”

“I don’t care,” Rosa grumbles without looking at either of them. “Just stop talking to me.”

“Okay,” Jake turns back to Amy. “What’s your next guess, Ames?”

Amy’s eyes trail to Jake’s crotch, causing her to groan. “I can’t believe you.”

“Got a guess yet?”

“Of course I do. But I don’t want to enable your childishness, because you’re incredibly immature.”

“All of that is true. But still... clock’s ticking.”

“There is no _clock_ , Jake.”

_But there is a cock._

“You still need to guess what I spy with my little eye. So what’s it gonna be? Are you gonna enable my childishness? Or are you gonna lose?”

Amy keeps mum for a moment as she weighs her options. She knows, that Jake hates losing just as much as she does. But also, he loves to embarrass the crap out of her. Sure, she’s not above saying the word ‘dick’, let alone saying it to win a game, but what’s the real game here? Is it ‘I Spy’ or making sure Jake doesn’t get his way?

As if he’s trying to convince her, Jake playfully spreads his legs, trying to act like a seductive model, trying to... what is he doing? Is he trying to tempt her to say the word ‘dick’ with his body?

It’s ridiculous, and Amy nearly calls Jake out on it when she sees him lick his lips. It’s completely involuntary too, he doesn’t even look at her when she’s doing it. Jake licking his lips is a habit he’s formed over the years, and quite recently so, it’s a habit that secretly drives her nuts. She’d never tell him though, it would be too much power for him to have over her.

The real problem Amy has now, is how embarrassingly warm she’s getting in the air-conditioned car. And the fact that Jake just noticed her staring and thinks he’s managed to seduce her by spreading his legs somehow. He throws a playful wink in her direction, and Amy scrambles to change the subject (of which no words have been said, but they’ve deviated much too far from the game and they’re not alone).

“It’s-it’s Dick, okay? I guess Dick!”

Jake gasps, clutching his chest. His exaggerated actions have distracted her from his lips. Oh wait, no it hasn’t, she still wants to kiss him like some kind of idiot. What is wrong with her?

“Shut your filthy mouth! Why would you say such a thing?” He exhales, and is overcome by fake emotion. “I could have you up for _sexual harassment,_ Amy. Never in my _life_ have I felt this violated.”

Amy is tempted to jump out of the car so she can forage into the nearest terrain and find a suitable spot to start digging a hole to hide herself in. All this nonsense... and ‘dick’ _still_ isn’t the answer.

“Jake, it’s hard to take you seriously when your legs are still spread like that.”

“Oh right. My bad.” He closes his legs, groaning as he massages them. “Never doing that again. I am not flexible. Anyway,” he looks at her, “do you still want to guess?”

Amy shakes her head. “No please, I don’t want to try anything. This is the one game I don’t want to win.”

“Wow, I’ve done the impossible. But anyway, the thing I have spied with my little eye is a... Dollar!”

He pulls said dollar from his pocket, and the way he smiles so genuinely proud of himself in the purest manner possible nearly has Amy swooning because his smile is too sweet for her own good.

What she does, however, is sigh as exasperatedly as she possibly can. “Of... course it was.”

“It was sticking out of my pocket a little, so you could’ve totally guessed it if you hadn’t been so focused on what’s underneath my–“

“OKAY IT’S MY TURN NOW!” Amy interrupts. “I spy with my little eye... something that begins with P.”

“Penis!”

“No, Jake!”

 

* * *

 

**CARLA’S (SOME DINER IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMEWHERE THAT SELLS BURGERS AND FRIES), 1342 HOURS, EATING BURGERS AND FRIES BECAUSE THAT’S ALL THIS PLACE SELLS WHAT THE FUCK AMERICA GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER**

Jake’s on his last fry when he realizes that he’s ran out of ketchup. He has this foreboding sense at having no sauce to dip his oily potato into. Maybe the world is ending soon– should he call the Avengers?

No, no, he’s overreacting (although, if he knew how to contact the Avengers, he totally would). Should he just eat this fry sauceless? Nope. That’s a bad idea. He tried his second or third fry without sauce earlier and nearly died because it tasted so bad. And dying in a sub-par diner hours away from home isn’t how he wants to leave this plane of existence.

He looks up at Amy to ask if she still wants her ketchup, only to notice how Amy has some ketchup on the corner of her lip. He smiles cheekily to himself. Amy hasn’t sensed the sauce yet because she’s busy reading a book (she’s such a nerd, it’s so hot), and has been slowly eating her food with minimal focus.

He reaches forth and swipes the ketchup off Amy’s lips with the fry, sliding it into his mouth with relish as Amy regards him with a mixture of shock and confusion.

“What did you just do?”

“There was ketchup on your lips. Figured I’d get it for you.”

“Jake, that’s gross!”

Jake snorts. “I’m pretty sure I’ve done things to you that are grosser than using you as dipping sauce.”

Amy reddens immediately, eyes flicking left and right.

“ _Relax_ ,” he assures her as he steals one of her fries. “They’re not here.”

“Where are Gina and Rosa anyway?” Amy wonders, turning around in the booth to look around the restaurant.

“They went to the bathroom a while ago.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Don’t know, I can’t sense time passing and I didn’t check my phone.”

Amy rolls her eyes affectionately and sighs. “I can’t believe I didn’t see both of them leave.”

“That’s because you were too busy reading your textbook. I think you have a studying addiction, Ames. It’s worrying me and your mother.”

Amy exhales deeply. “Jake, I’m not reading a textbook. This isn’t educational, it’s reading for leisure.”

“PEOPLE READ FOR LEISURE?” Jake exclaims in shock. “Oh wait, it’s you. I shouldn’t be surprised. What book are you reading?”

“It’s called Amy and Roger’s Epic Detour.”

“ _Amy_ , huh? Is that why you’re reading it?”

Amy shrugs. “It’s just... a good book.”

“Really? What’s it about?”

Amy clears her throat. “Uh... these two people...”

“Is it romance?”

Amy looks down, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Maybe.”

Jake leans back in his seat with a teasing look. “Are you in need of love, Ames?”

“Jake, it’s just a book–“

“Or are you strictly into guys that are named Roger now–“ he gasps, voice catching in his throat–“oh god, is that why you ended things?”

Amy can’t tell if Jake is being serious.

“Should I change my name to Roger– WAIT THAT’S MY DAD’S NAME!” He looks harrowingly at Amy. “Ames, why do you want to boink my dad?!”

Amy grabs hold of Jake’s arm to stop him from mindlessly spiraling. “Jake, calm down. I don’t want... to _boink_ your dad. I also had no idea he was named Roger. That kind of makes me never want to reread this book ever again. But you’re spiraling, and you need to stop because Gina and Rosa could be back at any moment.”

Jake takes a deep breath. “You’re right, I’m crazy. We’re friends, and you aren’t into guys named Roger, right?”

“Yes, and I definitely don’t _exclusively_ date guys named Roger.”

Jake nods, looking relieved. He’s an idiot.

“I just feel like ‘Amy And Jake’s Epic Detour!’ would be a way better story,” he grins. “Just saying.”

“Sure, Jake.”

Quick footsteps are heard after that, and Gina and Rosa return from their weirdly long bathroom break.

“Where were the two of you?”

“Uh... bathroom,” Rosa awkwardly answers, clearing her throat as she begins to wolf down her burger. Gina looks equally ravenous.

“Why do the two of you look so disheveled?” Amy asks. “And sweaty?”

Gina and Rosa freeze mid-bite of their separate burgers.

“Uh... stomachache. Was brutal,” Gina explains hurriedly, before shoving fries into her mouth.

“Both of you had stomachaches?” Jake asks incredulously. “At the exact same time?”

“We both ate the same thing yesterday,” Gina explains once more, sort of telling the truth, if you think about it. “Bad street meat.”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 1614 HOURS, WALKING TO THEIR ROOMS**

“Oh my god...” Amy marvels as she walks in stride with Jake, following him to their rooms.

“Yeah, ain’t this place dope? I wish I could live here.”

“Me too,” Amy grins. “I don’t know why, but I’m really excited to see the rooms!”

Jake blushes as he watches her squeal, stopping outside their neighboring rooms.

“So, this is us.”

Amy nods. “Oh, okay. Which one of our rooms is this? I forgot to ask you.”

Jake holds up two key cards. “These two–“ he points to two doors situated next to each other–“are ours. We’re neighbors.”

“Oh!” Amy smiles. “That’s nice. I thought we just happened to be on the same floor.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. This way we can reach each other if anything happens. So, like, if you were having a nightmare and needed someone to rock you to sleep... I’m just next door.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “No offense, but I don’t need you to rock me to sleep, Jake.”

“None taken. I’m more than willing to provide many other services, apart from rocking, if you need help sleeping,” he winks.

“I think I’ll sleep just fine. So, which room is mine?”

Jake smiles widely at this. “That’s what I was getting to! I thought we’d check out both rooms. You get to stay in the room you like best.”

“Really? That’s so sweet!”

“Although, there is a small chance that both rooms turn out exactly the same, so this could be a total bust.”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 1620 HOURS, ROOM #1**

Their jaws both drop all the way to the ground when they enter the room.

“This place is amazing.”

“Tell me about it.”

The room is... the room is okay. Jake and Amy are just really easily impressed. And have not been to that many hotel rooms.

There’s a single bed in the middle of the room, and Amy moans when she rests her cheek against the satin sheets.

“Wow,” Jake sighs. “I’m jealous.”

Amy scoffs with a shake of her head as she stands back up. “Shut up, Jake.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I was joking.”

“Really?” Amy says disbelievingly as she walks towards the counter, admiring the range of coffee and tea brands available.

“Yeah. You’ve made needier sounds for me.”

Amy goes completely red at that, so red that she has to ‘admire’ the kettle on the counter for a lot longer than is normal.

“Jake, seriously–“

“Yeah, sorry. We’re friends, I know. But stuff like that’s pretty hard to forget so I’m making the best of it by jo–“

“It’s okay,” Amy cuts in cheekily. “You can’t stop flirting with me, I get it.”

She whisks off to the bathroom playfully, where they both get distracted by the existence of a tub.

“Oh my god... she’s beautiful.”

“Yes, she is.”

“I want to soak in this tub... get a well deserved bubble bath,” Amy fantasizes, dreaming wistfully of bubbles and scented candles.

“Mm, yeah. With rose petals sprinkled on top,” Jake adds on with a hum of delight.

Amy narrows her eyes at him. “Are you picturing me in this tub right now?”

“Just you? No, no, I’m definitely there too.”

He chuckles as Amy shoves him, getting up and walking out of the bathroom.

“Let’s go to the other room— I think I’ve seen enough.”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 1632 HOURS, ROOM #2**

“I CHOOSE THIS ROOM!” Amy declares as she races towards the king-sized bed, dumping her bag on the floor and sighing in delight as she spreads out on the mattress.

“Aw man!” Jake groans. “Our rooms are next to each other, why is this bed so much bigger than the other one?!”

Amy grins as she turns around to lie on her back instead of her stomach. “Too bad, Jake.”

He makes his way to the bed, dumping his own bag on the floor next to Amy’s.

“Maybe I was being too crazy when I said you could pick your room–“

Amy glares at Jake who groans in pleasure as he spreads out next to her on the king-sized bed.

“No take-backs. You said I get to pick, and I have chosen this room. Shoo.”

She gently kicks Jake away with her foot, but he doesn’t budge, only inches closer to her. Amy feels her pulse pick up speed as Jake’s heat invades her space once again.

“Maybe we can share,” he whispers into her ear. “ _You might get lonely on such a big bed_.”

“Will I?” She asks carefully as she stares blankly at him, trying to figure out his play here. Jake laid down a set of rules a few days ago. Amy can’t kiss him, give him false hope, or any wrong ideas.

But that doesn’t mean Jake can’t.

“I don’t know about that, but... if I’m in here with you all night? You won’t feel lonely for a second,” he murmurs temptingly as his fingers trace her shoulders, his eyes trailing down her body.

“And how will you do that?” Amy asks in ecstasy, eyes already shut as Jake succeeds completely at seducing her, regardless of whether that is his intention.

“Like this...”

Whatever demons at play in Jake’s head succeed in breaking him down, and his weak-willed lips attach hungrily to Amy’s again. Their kiss however, is far from weak, fueled by an intense passion and deviancy. They’re crossing lines and breaking rules again all in the name of want and desire, but they could not care less if they tried.

At the moment, all Jake’s hands care for is the touch of Amy’s skin. He roams her body, as if her pleasure is his, his fingers pushing and pulling at her clothes to tug them off.

He wants her now, and he wants as much of her as he can get. He craves her touch, and she’s more than happy to help satisfy these cravings. They are both equally mad for pleasures of the flesh, and are hastily going about achieving this.

“Jake, I want– I want you so so bad, _please_ ,” Amy moans into their kiss as his hand reaches between her thighs to attend to her needs. He moans in assent as he just keeps kissing her; harsher, faster, messier, making her world go round.

No one is keeping score, but Amy’s hand has ridden far enough up Jake’s chest to consider his shirt half off his back, whereas Amy’s shirt has been completely unbuttoned, with Jake’s fingers sneaking behind her back to get her pesky bra off.

This is a difficult process because he’s only using one hand, the other far too preoccupied with making Amy’s hips buck against him pleasurably. She turns to putty in his hands and there is no shame in it because Jake melts just by being in her presence.

He gives up on unhooking the bra in his frustration, and chooses to pull her bra down instead, as far as he can manage without breaking it, touching her soft bosom with relish.

As if her soft mewls at this weren’t enough, Jake then undoes Amy’s jeans so his fingers can slip into her, so that they can tease her, sliding up and down where she wants it most, making her let out a little whine. Her sounds, and the way she jerks against his touch, wanting more and more and more... it sends him into a dizzying spell.

What could break this spell?

Why, nothing other than the insistent sound of Gina Linetti’s fists banging against the door, of course.

“Jake or Amy, whoever’s in there, get out! We have to get to the interview thing now and we’re running late, losers.”

Jake and Amy split apart in shock (Jake more so than Amy, who is frustratingly on the edge of you know), hurriedly putting their clothes on as Gina keeps rushing them with all sorts of threats and swears.

They hear Rosa say similar things to the door of the other room, probably because they think Jake and Amy aren’t in the same room.

Oh wait. That’s because Jake and Amy aren’t _supposed_ to be in the same room. This is not going to end well.

“Oh god,” Jake whispers as he helps Amy deposit her breasts back into her bra (yes, it’s as weird as it sounds), buttoning her shirt back up whilst she does up her jeans. “What are we gonna do?”

“COMING!” Amy yells at Gina, before turning her attention back to Jake. “That means this is my room now.”

Jake huffs at Amy. “Seriously? That’s what you care about right now?”

Amy shrugs. “I don’t know what to do! Should we just make an excuse?”

“I’ll go to the bathroom, you answer the door,” Jake decides on a whim, before making his way to the bathroom.

Amy does a final check to make sure her clothes are all straightened out before she answers the door to a less than amused Gina.

“Uh... Jake’s in the bathroom,” Amy informs them as she holds the door open. She’s already feeling very nervous, wishing that she had let Jake answer the door instead, albeit at the expense of a king sized bed. After all, he was kind of right– having Jake nestled in her arms sounds much better than large, cold empty spaces; spaces that Amy can’t fill with pillows, because she’s sure the hotel doesn’t give them more than a few.

Amy’s announcement stops Rosa from knocking. “How do you know that? And why couldn’t he tell me that himself?”

“He’s in my bathroom.”

Gina and Rosa both exchange looks and grins, which gets Amy denying everything.

“God, it’s not like that!”

“We didn’t say anything.”

Amy sighs. “Well, whatever the two of you are thinking, it’s not that.”

_Yeah. Because it’s something much worse._

“Jake needed to use my bathroom because he... saw a spider in his.”

Amy can’t recall whether Jake is afraid of spiders. She can’t recall if she’s seen a spider with Jake either, and now she’s worried that Gina and Rosa might know something she doesn’t and– oh god, what if Jake isn’t afraid of spiders? Her story’s just gonna lose all credibility! Thankfully, Amy doesn’t have to worry about this for long. The toilet flushes and Jake emerges from the bathroom, causing Amy to inwardly heave a sigh of relief.

“Sup girls?” he greets casually, but completely fails to trick Gina or Rosa.

“We heard you saw a spider in your bathroom.”

“Uh... yeah. I did. It was terrifying, thought I was gonna die.”

Gina squints suspiciously at Amy. “So... if he was just in your bathroom, why did you take so long to answer me?”

Amy’s eyes widen in fear. “Because... because I was taking a nap?”

Rosa looks incredulously at her. “You opened the door, let Jake in to use your bathroom, and then fell asleep immediately?”

“That’s exactly what happened.”

“Okay,” neither Gina nor Rosa lose the suspicious glint in their eyes. “If you say so.”

 

* * *

 

**SOME ROOM, 1707 HOURS, THE INTERVIEW**

“Yeah, Terry’s a great writer, and we love bringing his words to life,” Amy explains animatedly.

“It’s like... super fun,” Jake continues less elegantly.

“Of course, of course,” their interviewer nods. “Just to confirm, which characters do the two of you play again?”

“Oh,” Jake smiles amicably. “That’s easy. I’m Johnny.”

“And I play Dora.”

The interviewer beams. “And if I’m not wrong, Johnny and Dora are each other’s... romantic interests?”

They nod.

“Is there... something else going on there, then?”

“Huh?” Amy’s eyebrow quakes up in confusion.

“Are the two of you dating? Not that it’s my place to pry, but you two seem... close.”

“That’s-that’s because we’re super good friends,” Jake blurts in a panic.

“Why would we be dating?” Amy says with an exaggerated incredulity.

“Yeah! Just because I’m a boy, and she’s a girl– doesn’t mean there’s something going on between us. I think, I think you should let go of your heteronormative ideals. Cuz they be bad.”

Amy nods, swallowing thickly. “Mhmm.”

“Um... I assure the both of you that was not my intention. I just happened to see a spark. Lots of sparks.”

“Well then let me make it clear– we aren’t attracted to each other. I’ve never thought Amy over here was in any way ‘attractive’, nor will I ever. Also we’ll never do anything crazy like... kiss. We’ve never had sex, nor do we want to, and we just- we just don’t like each other, okay? Plain and simple. Nothing goin’ on here, y’all. Does that answer your question?”

Amy wants very much to sigh. She’s just grateful this interview isn’t taped.

“I never... asked you any of those highly specific questions.”

Jake clears his throat. “Right. You did not.”

“Please don’t take any of that down,” Amy requests with an awkward smile.

“Oh, trust me. I don’t want to.”

 

* * *

 

**BUFFALO’S BEST GRILL, 1747 HOURS, WAITING FOR GINA AND ROSA TO SHOW UP SO THAT THEY CAN HAVE DINNER**

“So uh... about the interview earlier–“

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Jake apologizes with a shrug. “I was a mess.”

“It’s okay. I was a bit of a mess too.”

“Well, at least you didn’t get carried away lying about how much sex we’ve never had,” Jake scoffs, fiddling with his fork.

Amy blushes at this. “Speaking of sex...”

“We uh, nearly had it?” Jake looks a little sheepish at this, but a part of him gives off a cheeky feel too.

“Was that, was that a mistake?”

“Guess you can call it our first slip up. Since our _actual_ first slip up, making this our second slip up.”

Amy raises her finger to make a point. “But, since we made rules after our first slip up, this isn’t actually our second slip up, but rather– our first slip up where we broke the rules.”

“That... is that supposed to be better? Because that doesn’t sound better.”

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s not better.”

Jake takes a deep breath. “So... _we broke a rule.”_

“I feel like we broke many rules.”

“Yup. I kissed you. On a bed. A big bed.”

“Yeah–“ Amy gently ruffles her hair–“why... why did you kiss me? We were doing well. Well-ish. Somewhat well.”

“I don’t know,” Jake shrugs. “Just... you were on a bed, and you were moaning on a bed, and then suddenly I was on that bed too and– I just couldn’t help myself.” He actually looks guilty for this. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done– everything I did. I broke the rules, which is seriously uncool. I know rules are important to you, and I want to respect that. Also, I made those rules, so breaking them is... even more stupid.”

Amy sighs a little. He’s not wrong, exactly, but the blame hardly falls entirely on him. “It’s okay, Jake. I’ve been really inconsistent too, when it comes to not encouraging you, and stuff. I suppose you need– sorry, _we need_ to do a better job of... helping ourselves.” She clears her throat carefully, then sighs after a brief pause. “But I’ll be honest here, I don’t think I’ve been able to think straight ever since... everything that happened in that room.”

“I know,” he says too quickly. “I mean, I don’t know, I just– I’m not surprised. You got kind of cut off earlier when Gina and Rosa came a’knocking. So if you’re still...”

He trails off because he’s trying not to say anything that would turn Amy off.

“Worked up?”

“Yeah, worked up, let’s go with that. So since you’re still all worked up, no one would blame you if you needed to un-work all that ‘up’ out. Y’know?”

Amy senses what he’s trying to get at. “I know.”

Jake squeezes Amy’s hand gently. “Maybe... we could just see it as me doing you an act of service. To make up for earlier.”

Amy heaves painfully. “Jake... as tempting an offer that is, we both know that if you do me that service... that won’t be all there is to it. I’ll want to do you a service, and then we’ll just keep going back and forth–“

“And that’s bad?” Jake gets that glimmer of hope in his eyes again, and Amy finds herself breaking the rules without even trying. His fingers interlock with hers, and it is so hard for Amy not to pull his warm hand towards her so she’s close enough to kiss him again. “Think about how great we were together. Can’t you change your mind about this?”

“No,” she bites her lip, forcing her mind to once again mentally list out every reason why she can’t date Jake. “Because I told you that this isn’t what I want.”

Jake bites his lip, feeling horrible. He hates himself for pushing Amy this much, but he’s so confused and he loves her to the point where it hurts; he also can’t shake this feeling that there’s something she’s not telling, that she’s hiding the full truth from him. This very feeling makes it impossibly hard for Jake to accept things the way they are. Of course he enjoys Amy’s friendship– he just... can’t stop yearning for more. Despite how hard it is to change his feelings, however, Jake still feels very much guilty for his actions.

“I need you to be my friend, Jake,” Amy reminds pointedly. Even though she knows she wants him to be more than a friend tonight. And every night. And every day. “Besides, Gina and Rosa are on their way.”

Jake sighs. “I’m sorry, I got– I got carried away again.”

Amy shakes her head. “It’s okay, I think we both did.”

They hear very sudden footsteps arrive at their table.

“Why are you two weirdos holding hands?” Rosa snorts as she sits in her chair, prompting Jake and Amy to let go immediately.

“Uh... this place gives a 20% discount to couples,” Amy lies.

“But... this place is like... half a bar,” Gina refutes incredulously.

“Yeah,” Jake cuts in. “Half a bar, that gives a 20% discount to couples.”

“Oh,” Rosa smirks. “So... you’re saying that you two are a couple?”

“Congratulations,” Gina adds on with a grin.

“We’re not a couple– we’re just pretending to be one for... marginally cheaper food,” Amy retorts weakly.

“Oh, okay,” Gina accepts with a pointed look at Rosa. “Maybe Rosa and I should ‘pretend to be a couple’ too. Get a 40% discount.”

“Uh...” Jake swallows nervously. “I don’t think it works like that?”

“Why not? We could just ask for separate bills,” Gina reasons, which makes a lot of sense, scaring Jake and Amy.

“UH– THIS PLACE IS HOMOPHOBIC,” Amy lies in a desperate attempt to throw Gina and Rosa off the scent.

This gets them both scowling.

“This place is homophobic?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jake agrees to support Amy’s point. “Super homophobic. We actually got the discount specifically... for that reason.”

“Then why are we eating here?”

Gina and Rosa get up.

“Oh yeah...”

Jake and Amy get up too.

“We were– we were totally planning on walking out, we just wanted to make sure you two were here so you could... hear about how disgusting this place is!”

“Mhmm!”

“Well, we’ve heard enough. Let’s get out of here.”

Jake and Amy feel a tinge of pity for the service staff that are forced to deal with Gina and Rosa’s dirty looks and hateful words as they leave.

But... it’s all for the best, right? At least Rosa didn’t throttle anyone and Gina didn’t make secret plans to burn the place to the ground.

 

* * *

 

**SOME RANDOM STREET, 1821 HOURS, EATING STREET TACOS**

“Do you think we went a little far back there?” Jake asks as he chomps on his taco with Amy on a park bench.

Gina and Rosa had basically disappeared after handing Jake and Amy their tickets, without any promises that they’d even see them at the game. Jake isn’t sure whether to be happy or upset about that.

“Did... did we?”

“I mean– all that, just so Gina and Rosa wouldn’t think we’re a thing?”

Amy shrugs. “Well that’s because... we’re not a thing.”

“We were holding hands.”

“You were holding _my_ hand.” Jake looks agonized as he goes silent, which makes Amy feel bad. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–“

“No,” he stops her. “You need to. You need to... start shooting me down. You need to start telling me to back off. As harshly as you can. Look– earlier... that was on me. I shouldn’t have tried stuff like that. Wasn’t cool of me.”

“It wasn’t all you,” Amy admits. “I think I have a problem too. Back at the room especially... I never once tried to stop you, I even spurred you on, which was wrong of _me_.” She sighs. “If only there were a class on how to push you away. Or be indifferent to your charms.”

“Aww,” Jake effuses. “You think I’m charming?”

Amy rolls her eyes. She can’t believe that’s what he’s choosing to focus on. “Yes, Jake. I feel like that was implied since... the beginning?”

“Not really. But I think I’ve found our real problem. I’m too charming, and you can’t resist my beautiful body.” He crosses his arms proudly, and Amy would’ve scoffed if her eyes weren’t so fixated on his arms and hands. “So while I can’t fix what I’ve got going on, I think we can train you to get... more used to my— what was it again, Ames?”

She sighs, before gritting her teeth. “ _Charms_. Which fade the more you talk out of your ass. How are we going to train me?”

“Easy. I will keep making moves on you and no matter what I do or say– you have to turn me down.”

Amy crosses her arms. “Don’t make this into a game, Jake. Me pretending to reject you isn’t going to make things any easier when we’re... in the moment.”

“Okay, but you need to prove you’re good at pretending to reject me first, at least.” Jake inches closer to Amy, sweetly kissing the side of her neck. “Tell me to stop.”

He’s not even touching her– her neck receives nothing more than gentle pecks from his lips– but for the life of her, Amy can’t bring herself to stop him. Because she doesn’t want him to stop at all.

He feels too good, he always feels too good, and Amy wants nothing more than for them to be alone– properly alone– not on this stupid park bench where people are watching.

When she still fails to say or do anything after a full minute has passed, Jake takes the initiative to pull away himself.

“Wow,” he heaves. “You’re even worse at this than I thought.”

Amy shrugs, blood still surging through her veins. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Are you sure you’re not madly in love with me or something?”

She rolls her eyes, lightly slapping his arm. “Stop it, I’m not.”

“Ow!” He exaggerates, rubbing his arm like she’s just broken it. “How could you treat the love of your life like this?”

She gets up. “Whatever. Also I think we have to take a raincheck on this practice. The game’s about to start.”

“You sure you’ll be able to resist my _seductive charms_ until it ends?”

“I think the thousands of screaming people that we’ll be surrounded with might help with that.”

 

* * *

 

**NEW ERA FIELD, 1947 HOURS, HALF TIME**

“God, I’m having so much fun!” Amy gushes to Jake when the surrounding sounds fade enough for them to hear each other.

“Me too! Watching football live is so much better than seeing it on TV.”

They’ve spent the entire first half being enthusiastic supporters of Terry– cheering on his every move, jeering anyone who so much as looks Terry the wrong way.

Excitement starts up again when the crowd hears the announcement that the KissCam segment is about to start.

“God, the KissCam is so lame,” Amy mocks with a shake of her head. “It pressures people into kissing practical strangers sometimes, how messed up is that?”

“Uh, yeah, so messed up.” Jake agrees. “Better hope our faces don’t show up on that screen, huh? Or I’d have to kiss you.”

Amy chuckles at this. “Yeah, the chances of that happening are abysmally low, Jake.”

She’s right. Partially. Because Jake’s face doesn’t show up on that KissCam screen at all throughout the segment.

But Amy’s does.

They’re both rather taken aback when her face appears on that huge screen, which thousands of people get to see.

The person next to her on the screen is not Jake, but the unfairly attractive man sitting on Amy’s left.

“Hey,” he calls Amy, who turns to look at him. “Dave Majors. Figured you should know that before we kiss in front of thousands of strangers.”

Amy giggles at this, shyly running her hands through her hair. Jake can’t blame her– Dave Majors is super suave and cool, and if things were different, Jake probably wouldn’t have minded kissing Dave himself. Except, things are different and he’s madly in love with Amy, so Dave is being a real stick in his mud (is he using that phrase right? Ah, who cares).

“Amy. Amy Santiago.”

“Nice to meet you, Amy. Do my lips look camera-ready to you?”

She laughs again, and Jake wants to be buried in the concrete floor he stands on. Amy’s going to fall in love with Camera-Ready Lips Dave and Jake’s going to die alone.

“Yes, I’m pretty sure they do.”

“Good. Well, I think we should kiss now– can’t keep everyone waiting, right?”

Amy nods, prompting Dave to lean in, but sadly, their lips never get to meet.

Someone barges in at the last second, pushing Dave out of the way. Surprisingly, it’s not Jake, but some random girl neither Amy nor Jake has ever met. Dave on the other hand, seems to be the reason for her rage.

“What the hell is this?” She demands to know, pressing a finger into Dave’s chest.

“None of your business,” he retorts. “I told you, we’re done. I don’t want you anywhere near me.”

She turns her anger onto Amy. “What the fuck are you doing, kissing someone else’s man?” Her fist comes flying for Amy’s face.

But never ends up hitting her.

“Ow!” Jake exclaims, face stinging from the crazy lady’s fist. Oh god, did he just take a punch for Amy? Why the hell did he do that? That really hurt! But then again– Amy isn’t hurt. Never mind, ignore him. Taking the punch for Amy was completely worth it.

His instinctive actions to protect Amy pay off even more when he sees how livid she is. “Are you insane?” she huffs, fist ramming the side of the crazy lady’s face. The impact has her falling to the ground; Amy clearly used much more force than she had intended to.

“Oh crap, oh crap, what did I just–“

The crowd is going nuts, and Jake feels himself being pulled away from Dave and his crazy ex-girlfriend, as people (including a paramedic or two holding a first-aid kit) gather around her to attend to her (hopefully minor?) injuries.

“Jake, we need to run!”

Her urgent whisper gets him fleeing the scene behind them, ignoring the judging looks thrown his way by random people as they squeeze their way through the crowd.

 

* * *

 

**OUTSIDE NEW ERA FIELD, 1954 HOURS, END OF ESCAPE BECAUSE THERE’S NO ONE AROUND WAHOOEY**

“Okay...” Jake pants. “I think we’re safe now.”

Amy nods in agreement, slowing down and catching her breath along with Jake. When she’s recovered from their successful attempt to flee the stadium, she steps up close to Jake to examine his face. “Are you okay?”

“I mean, I just got punched in the face, so that really hurt–“ Amy’s face contorts in guilt for this–“but watching you punch that crazy possessive girl? That was so awesome, I don’t think I’ll ever feel pain again.”

Amy cracks up at this, and the way her nose crinkles makes Jake forget even more of his pain. “Stop it, I really shouldn’t have hit her.”

“Uh, strongly disagree. She hit my handsome face, Ames! What kind of friend would you be if you _didn’t_ deck her?”

“A horrible friend.” The glint in Amy’s eyes changes. “So... you sure you’re really okay?”

Jake nods. “Yeah. Her punch’s bark was worse than its bite. I don’t know if I’m using that correctly– all I know is that your punch game kicks ass... and that I am okay. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“Good,” Amy grins. “I’m glad. Because it means that I can now do... this.”

With both her arms tucking into Jake’s embrace, Amy now presses a soft kiss against Jake’s lips. Her kiss heals Jake as he gratefully reciprocates it; her kiss heals all of his wounds, even heals the ones he didn’t know existed. His hands find their way back around Amy’s waist, and slide up the way he knows she likes it, fingers resting on the back of Amy’s neck, fiddling with her collar.

When the kiss ends, Jake finds himself completely transfixed by his entire world. He feels like the luckiest man alive, for being able to see Amy’s face illuminated by the dusty glow of street lamps. And to have kissed her too? What else could he ever wish for?

“What was that for?” He asks, fingers already gliding through her hair, head already woozy from her touch.

“That was for us.”

Amy’s words are playfully sincere, which Jake loves. A kiss for him and her, no one else. No audiences, no directors, just them. The way it’s been for a while now.

He leans in for another kiss, and Amy reciprocates so quickly his heart finds itself skipping beats and pumping erratically. That’s just the effect Amy constantly has on him though, so it’s nothing to worry about, and he knows he doesn’t have to see a doctor. After all, Amy’s lips numb all pain, and when she swipes her tongue over his lips Jake feels like the most drugged up person to have ever lived.

When she moans against his lips however, Jake has to reconsider his previous thought because the way her entire being demands more and more from him has him on the precipice of existence. One more touch and he might just tip over into another dimension where it’s just them and nothing else in the world matters.

Which Jake wants very much. An alternate dimension where nothing else exists except for him and a very needy Amy is a fantastic idea to him at the moment.

This time, when she pulls away with a smile, Jake takes a few moments of silence to recollect himself. Slow kisses with Amy have that way of sneaking up to him. He thinks he can go on for as long as he likes because they spread their kisses out, savoring each one as they pass them by. And when they stop, he’s hit with how breathless he is all at once. Although, that could just be the effect kissing Amy has on him in general.

“For real though,” he starts again, because he’s really not one to properly shut up for long. “You’re so good at punching.”

She snorts before going on to bury her head in his chest because she can’t stop laughing, and she’s either trying to hide her laughter or muffling her giggles in hopes that they’ll stop. Either way, Jake doesn’t care. He has Amy and Amy is in his arms.

“Seriously though,” he continues, “you should go pro,” and the laughs get harder. “As much as I hated getting punched just now, if I had to pick anyone to get punched by, it’d be you. Hands down. I’d take one punch from Amy Santiago’s fist any day. Heck, I wouldn’t even say no to multiple punches.”

Amy lifts her head back up to look at Jake again, this time with a (somehow adoring) frown. “But I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jake nods, eyes twinkling because they reflect the array of stars that is Amy Santiago. “Okay. Of course. I’d never make you do anything you don’t want to. Besides, I totally get it. How could anyone bring themselves to hurt a face this beautiful?”

Amy cracks up again. “Stop! Or I’ll never stop laughing.”

Grinning once more, Jake strokes Amy’s cheek with a single finger. “I’ll stop making you laugh if you kiss me.”

“Gladly.”

They move in again, and it’s much more heated this time, impassioned touches taking up a majority of this exchange. Jake’s hand frames Amy’s jaw and Amy can no longer force herself to behave when his fingers start tracing unidentifiable shapes into her neck. She wants those hands all over her, tugging off her clothes which feel more unnecessary with each passing second. She wants those fingers digging into her skin, his hands touching her the way she goes mad for.

She stops the kiss in a hurry. “Jake... we need to get back to the hotel... now...”

Jake looks very pleased as his chest heaves in need of air. “Your bed or mine?” Her incredulous look gets him chuckling. “Kidding. Of course I’d rather roll around the sheets with you on that huge bed in your room.”

Satisfied, Amy takes Jake’s hand and begins leading him away. He laughs because she clearly has no idea how they’re going to get back on foot, but her enthusiasm is adorable and frankly, quite hot. And when Amy Santiago takes his hand and leads him elsewhere, who is Jake Peralta not to follow?

They’re a touchy bundle of giggles as they make their way down the dimly lit sidewalk, only stopping when they pass by a pitch dark abandoned alley. Moans, grunts, and some other combination of frightening noises are what prompt Jake and Amy to stop. Furthermore, despite being unfamiliar with the sounds going on, they hear voices that they’re both all too well acquainted with.

Wordlessly, with only one exchanged look, Jake and Amy venture into the back alley to investigate and get the shock of their lives. Because they actually see what they’re both expecting and not expecting to find in there.

“Oh my god!”

Jake covers his mouth in shock at the sight of Gina and Rosa hot and heavy and all over each other. He’s been teasing them (Gina mostly) about their feelings for years now, but he never expected to see them kissing, let alone hooking up at a back alley in such close vicinity to where he and Amy had been making out (and to be honest, close to hooking up too).

Thankfully, Gina and Rosa aren’t in scandalous states of undress, and manage to get themselves fixed up in seconds to make the situation less awkward.

Just kidding, the situation’s still very much awkward. But at least they’re all clothed, right?

“What–“ Amy sputters in confusion. Yes, she remembers how touchy Rosa and Gina are with each other, and how incredibly close they are, but she had not exactly anticipated any of... this. “What are you two doing here?”

Gina looks at her incredulously. “Was it not obvious, or is it really that dark in here?”

“Uh...” Amy seems conflicted about how to react. Obviously, she’s supportive of whatever there is between Gina and Rosa, but she’s not sure what to say. She doesn’t want to sound like she’s against this, and she also doesn’t want to sound like she’s too into this in case she makes them uncomfortable. But at the same time, her head is overflowing with questions. “What– when– what’s going on?”

“We’re dating,” Rosa admits, dusting her clothes off. “And have been since drama camp. No point in hiding it anymore since you two caught us.”

“Why didn’t you tell us before?” Jake asks. “You know we would’ve been happy for you.”

“Oh, yeah, we know. Just– elaborate lies and schemes really turn us on...”

Gina leans into Rosa again but the latter clearly has something else on her mind. Her hand lingers at the back of Gina’s waist to assure her she’s still very much interested in continuing what they had started (before they were so rudely interrupted), but she glares at Jake and Amy, ensuring there’s suspicion in her eyes. It’s their turn to get interrogated.

“Wait, so– we know why we’re here, but what are you two doing here?”

Jake and Amy are momentarily silenced by this.

“Uh... we were making sure no one was having sex in this back alley?”

Woah, he’s (kind of) not actually lying this time! Still, Rosa snorts at Jake’s weak attempt to excuse the circumstances.

“Really. You and Amy– decided to ditch Terry’s game and come to this random abandoned alley to make sure no one was having sex here?”

“You know what I think?” Gina asks Rosa with a grin. “I think they were making sure no one was here so they could get it on in secret. Was the hotel room we caught you together in not good enough?”

Amy instantly goes red. “No! That’s not what’s happening here, like, at all.”

Gina sighs, rolling her eyes. “Chill, Santiago. It’s not like we’re going to judge you for wanting to scale the walls of Ja-ri-cob here.”

Amy gulps, still refusing to buckle under the pressure. “Still, that’s not what’s happening. Ja-ri-cob– I mean, _Jake and I_ are not a thing. And we’ll never be a thing, okay? That’s– that’s disgusting. Just the thought of it alone is cra–“

“Okay, okay, we get it,” Gina stops Amy, holding her hand up. “If you’re not screwing, then what are you two doing here?”

Amy gulps, mind in a flurry of madness as she makes up some story, especially since Jake weirdly looks like he’s not even trying to come up with an excuse of his own.

“Uh... uh– we had to run away because– Jake punched someone!”

Gina and Rosa are thrown off by this.

“No way, Jake punched someone?”

“Why would he do that?”

Jake is keeping strangely mum about this, which is understandable since she was the one who did the punching, so Amy continues lying her ass off.

“Uh... Jake’s crazy?”

This, Gina and Rosa do not buy.

“Okay, while true–“

“Thanks a lot, Gina.”

“–Jake doesn’t go punching people for no reason. Did something happen?”

“Was someone being homophobic?”

Amy decides to jump on the train Rosa hands to her.

“Yes,” she confirms. “Someone was being homophobic. Super homophobic.”

“Well, I guess that settles it,” Jake interjects, teeth gritted. “I think my homophobe-punching arms are tired now, so I’m gonna head back to the hotel, hit the hay. Catch you girls later, hopefully not hooking up in a back alley. But whatever, you do you.”

He takes off then, which Amy only interprets as an out Jake took so that the both of them could escape this situation.

“Uh... I need to head back too. Catch up on them Zs!”

Gina furrows her brow. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing! This is how I... always talk. Goodbye now.”

She runs off, barely catching sight of Jake who disappears around the corner just as she emerges from the back alley. She has to actually run to catch up with him. What’s with the speedy getaway? Does he need her that badly too?

Well, Amy can’t complain about that. Jake really likes her, and she really likes him.

“Jake, slow down!” She giggles playfully, slipping her hand into Jake’s.

Only to get him pulling her hand off him like she’s the most disgusting thing known to man.

Okay, this is something she might want to complain about. Or cry about.

“Jake, what’s going on? Are you– are you okay?”

Jake scoffs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m fine. Just thought you wouldn’t want to touch me since apparently I’m ‘disgusting’. Sorry for ever touching you at all, actually.”

He walks on, but Amy keeps up. “Perhaps I went a bit overboard when I was trying to throw Gina and Rosa off the scent, but you know I didn’t mean any of that.”

“Do you? Really?” He stops walking, arms akimbo. “Then tell me this: why is it such a bad thing for Gina and Rosa to know about us?”

“I– I–“

He scoffs, shaking his head. “They’re our best friends, Ames. Is– is the idea of us so horrible to you that them knowing something was going on between us is out of the question? Especially since it’s not exactly a lie?”

Amy swallows painfully, a lump forming in the back of her throat. “Jake, I-I’m sorry you think that but– that’s not what I was trying to do here.”

“Well, then what were you trying to do, Amy?” He inhales sharply, air spiking his lungs like shrapnel. “Because whatever the case, your words hurt. I was hurt– do you have any idea how hard it was? T-to stand there, and listen to you ramble on about how gross the idea of us together was?”

Tears are threatening to spill from Amy’s eyes now. “Jake, I’m-I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Jake wipes his eyes to clear the tears that have already formed and fell. “Then tell them that. Go back– to where Gina and Rosa are probably getting it on again, and tell them. Everything about us.”

“Jake–“

He looks away, shaking his head with an anguished snort. “Forget it, I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have– shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up again. I thought this was going to be the story of how we got back together. Me taking a punch for you, you awesomely punching that good-looking dude’s ex–“

Without a pause, Jake raises his hand which Amy instinctively but awkwardly meets with a high five. Even when he’s this angry at her, Jake is apparently still willing to praise her amazing punching skills.

“And then you kissing me for... for whatever. I don’t know anymore, because apparently, I was wrong about everything I thought before.” His jaw tightens. “As usual. So thank you, Amy, for setting me free because... I don’t think I could bring myself to be with someone like you anymore. You’re evil and... manipulative, and you send all the wrong signals and you’re just. You’re just not the angel everyone thought you were.”

He doesn’t actually mean half of what he’s saying. But he’s angry and hurting, and to be fair, he should stop wanting to be with Amy so much. Every time Jake thinks Amy wants to draw him back in, she pushes him away twice as hard. He wants to be done with it all. (But knowing himself, he’ll just apologize for all of this in a few hours. Or minutes. Amy’s friendship is still important to him, after all.)

Amy bites her lip. She doesn’t know what to feel about all these cutting words. “Jake, I’m not an angel to begin with.”

“Right. My fault for thinking that. As always.”

He flags down a cab, opening the door and stretching his hand out towards Amy.

“You... you want me to get in?”

“Yeah, we’ll split a cab. We are going to the same hotel, unless you have somewhere else you need to be?”

Amy shakes her head. “But– you just said all that stuff and you’re angry–“

“Yeah, but I’m not a _monster_ , Amy.”

As she gets into the cab with him, she has a feeling ‘unlike you’ are perfect words to finish that statement.

The thing is... a part of her would’ve agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: terry’s back!!!!  
> Me: features him in one (1) scene [I INITIALLY WROTE TWO WHICH WAS WRONG IM WRONG IM A FRAUD]
> 
> yes I know I made my characters stay overnight in a hotel room for a high school AU I did not plan this from the start but I freaking... love this Okay Jake’s Rich Uncle is a fantastic and stupidly fun plot device, and the only reason why the show couldn’t use him is because they brought Jake’s Rich Uncle in during a cold open where Jake announced that he had died and well,,, since Jake is 18,,,, Rich Uncle still be breathing,,,, u can snatch this plot device from my cold dead hands,,,,,,
> 
> I made a reference to my dear friend @hotelsweet’s amazing fic Amy And Jake’s Epic Detour! Which was based on a book called Amy And Roger’s Epic Detour and well I didn’t expect Jake to freak out about Amy wanting to bone his dad but that’s what happened anyway it’s a very good fic u should check it out it’s a completed work of art <3
> 
> Bonus game: finding all the subtle mentions that points to Amy’s Hand™ Kink™ 
> 
> Gina and Rosa were interviewed separately from Jake and Amy, just FYI
> 
> Gina sighs, rolling her eyes. “Chill, Santiago. It’s not like we’re going to judge you for wanting to scale the walls of Ja-ri-cob here.” 
> 
> (Okay just in case, I’m making a play on walls of Jericho and yeah, idk, I just felt like this is my most far fetched Jake pun so far and felt the need to explain) 
> 
> Note to self: don’t write insanely long chapters bc you’ll have to split them up and then everyone will hate you bc the cliffhangers are... horrid 
> 
> Can u believe we’re already 2/3 through the story NOOOO


	21. and i’m worn out of fighting

**NEAR BACK ALLEY, 2026 HOURS, SPYING ON JAKE AND AMY**

Gina and Rosa watch with their breaths held as Jake and Amy are driven off together in a cab.

“Did they just get into that cab together? After having a huge fight?”

Gina shrugs. “I don’t think I’d consider Jake going off at Amy with some random high five in between ‘a huge fight’, but... I don’t know. Maybe it’s their weird form of foreplay.”

Rosa crosses her arms, shaking her head. “I don’t know, there’s something fishy about the whole thing. We should go back to the stadium and find out what happened.”

Gina clutches her chest. “Babe, snooping around in our friends’ business? You’re becoming just like me!”

Rosa affectionately rolls her eyes. “Shut up. Are we going to that stadium or what?”

“Of course. But first uh– I know this is a bad time to bring it up, but since Jake and Amy found out about us on a Saturday, while we were getting it on, and also not at school, I think it’s safe to say that you owe me $15?”

Rosa groans. “You kidding me? Fine. But let’s check out the stadium first. We should ask if Terry knows anything. And pretend we know how well he did in the game.”

“Mm. Then after that we’ll get back to our room and... I’ll see how we can go about letting you pay up that $15 using cashless methods.”

 

* * *

 

**NEW ERA FIELD, 2036 HOURS, TALKING TO TERRY (IN THE LOCKER ROOM)**

“Yeah, Amy showed up on the KissCam during halftime, and some girl showed up and pulled away the person Amy was supposed to kiss. Then that girl tried to punch Amy, only for Jake to block Amy with his own face. Amy got angry and punched the girl back in revenge, and they ran away after that,” Terry recounts with accuracy to Gina and Rosa. “How did the two of you get in here again?”

“Terry, we’ve known each other for years. Isn’t it time for you to let go of your useless prejudices and just accept that I can get wherever I want to be, _whenever_ I want to be there?”

Terry makes a face at this. “I don’t have any prejudices. Terry just doesn’t support breaking and entering.”

“It’s not breaking and entering if we didn’t _break_ anything.”

“Yeah,” Rosa agrees, because she’s Gina’s girlfriend and she has to back her up. “That’s just entering.”

Terry shrugs. “My bad. They should really tighten the security around here.”

“Nah, the security’s fine. Does a great job of keeping out regular people.”

“See– when you say stuff like that, I get worried because it seems to suggest that you _did_ do something illegal to get in here.”

“Oh really, Terry?” Gina taunts, putting her arms on her hips. “Was it ‘illegal’ for me to tell Rosa to threaten to beat up one of the guards if they didn’t let us through? Was it ‘illegal’ of me to dig into another one of the guards’ lives in order to find information to blackmail them with?”

“Uh... yeah? All of that sounds pretty illegal to me.” Terry says nervously.

“Then I’m _sorry_ , Terry. Sometimes we have the bend the law in pursuit of the truth.” She shakes her head. “We can’t all get football careers handed to us on silver platters.”

“Hey, I worked hard to get where I am! Also, weren’t your only questions about what Jake and Amy got up to during the game? Which I technically shouldn’t have known since I was supposed to be playing and not in the stands?”

Gina starts backing away from Terry, pulling Rosa along with her. “Sorry, T-bone. We don’t have time for questions.”

“You just spent the whole time we were talking _asking_ questions!”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2048 HOURS, ROOM #2 (AKA AMY’S HOTEL ROOM)**

The cab ride back to their hotel had been awkward and silent. Emphasis on silent, especially since Jake said nothing and stared out the window the whole time. Which meant that Amy decided to also say nothing and stare out the window— aside from the moments where she turned to peek at Jake, only to find him looking out the window, prompting her to mimic him again.

She feels really bad, and sad, and also mad about how things went down. And also for making all three of those words rhyme. She’s so upset that her vocabulary has been compromised. Which means that this is a _horrid_ situation.

She can’t believe herself for letting things get as bad as they have. But also– she can’t believe _Jake_. What was up with him back there? He was mostly fine about... the whole thing, aside from a few tense moments.

But then again, maybe Amy shouldn’t have kissed him. After she promised not to kiss him because he told her that it was confusing him since she ended things. Before they had properly started.

Oh god, what has she done? What is wrong with her libido? Why can’t she keep it in her pants, and why is it that Jake’s the only one who can make her this crazy with such... carnal desires?

Anyway, none of it matters now, because as Jake made very clear on that sidewalk, he wants nothing more to do with Amy and he hates her guts.

Amy could do without Jake’s current scathing view of her, especially since she would like to be his friend— but that seems hard at the moment, given his current state.

Besides... Jake not wanting to be with her anymore is good, right? Things can go as she had planned– she won’t be dating Jake, ergo, Holt won’t potentially be disappointed in her. Also all the other bad stuff that would happen if she were dating Jake wouldn’t be a possibility either.

But then again, that doesn’t sound as good to Amy as she would want it to. Mostly, she wants Jake to knock on her door (or knock down her door then fix it back up again, either is fine), walk in, and make love to her all night. And then hold her as they fall sleep.

She just– misses him and craves him so badly, and if not for a sense of morality, pride, and consideration, she’d be knocking on _his_ door right now.

She sighs, heading to the bathroom and staring at the empty tub before starting to draw herself a bath, because that’s one need she gets to satisfy right now, so there’s no way she’s not taking it.

Besides, she might be able to meet more than _one_ of her needs in that bath, if you catch her drift.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2050 HOURS, ROOM #1 (AKA JAKE’S HOTEL ROOM)**

Jake hates Amy Santiago. He hates her pretty face, her soft and fragrant hair, and most of all– he hates her intoxicatingly beautiful body.

Yet he would kill for just one more kiss, one more touch, one more look.

So when you think about it, Jake doesn’t really hate Amy, he hates the hold she has over him– she has so much power here, and she either doesn’t know or doesn’t wish to wield it.

God, he wants to hate her so badly, but now he just pathetically misses her. Misses the sound of her voice. Saying all those smart things because she’s so, so smart. Making him laugh because she is wittier than she ever gets credit for. Killing him softly with the way she whispers filthy things in his ear, things she wants him to do to her. He wants to take back everything he said to Amy on that sidewalk– he still wants nothing else, nothing more than to be with Amy.

And whether Amy’s an angel or a devil actually means nothing to him; Jake desperately loves Amy all the same.

But he’s still angry– at Amy, at the whole situation in general, despite regretting being mean to her. He turned to look at her during the cab ride back to the hotel multiple times, but she was always staring out the window, which he supposes is more than fair. He did say some pretty mean stuff, but at the same time, doesn’t he have a right to be a little mad?

It’s one thing for Amy not to have feelings for him— _that_ he’s fine with.

Okay, he wouldn’t be ‘fine’ with Amy not liking him back, but that was something he could somewhat handle and learn to live with. If Amy didn’t have feelings for Jake, he’d be able to get over it eventually. Move on. But as that’s not the case, he finds it impossible to let go.

He’s frustrated and breaking apart because Amy keeps making him believe that he’s changed her mind only to crush his dreams again; with no proper explanation as to why she refuses to be with him.

Is there something wrong with him?

At that thought, Jake makes his way into the bathroom, deciding to contemplate this and other thoughts in the tub.

 

* * *

 

**NEW ERA FIELD, 2121 HOURS, TALKING TO DAVE MAJORS**

“So... he didn’t say anything about Amy being his girlfriend?” Gina asks Dave, who sits idly by his woozy ex-girlfriend, who Dave apparently dumped because she blamed recent hurricanes on homosexuality.

“No, nothing like that. Wendy here just pushed me out of nowhere before I could kiss Amy and... tried to hit Amy. Jake got punched instead, which made Amy very angry, so she punched Wendy to the ground. I was told they ran away together.” Dave shrugs. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they were together though– come to think of it, they were all flirty and touchy during the game. My bad, shouldn’t have tried to kiss someone in a relationship.”

Gina nods at this. “Kudos for not saying ‘some dude’s girlfriend’.”

“Of course, that might imply that Amy belongs to someone, which just isn’t true.”

“You’re a good dude. A good, _good_ dude– so tell you what: I want to make you an offer.”

Dave raises an eyebrow. “An offer? For what?”

“If anyone asks you about this, tell them it’s a publicity stunt.”

Dave looks even more confused at this. “Why?”

“Because... this _was_ a publicity stunt,” Gina explains, to the amusement of Rosa, who’s watching the video clip of Jake getting punched followed by Amy punching Wendy they acquired earlier on repeat. “Someone else was supposed to be in your place at the stands tonight, but Jake and Amy didn’t get the memo. We didn’t mean to incur the wrath of your insane ex.”

Dave takes this with a pinch of salt. “Okay, I’ll say that if anyone asks. What am I getting in return?”

“Hand me your phone,” Dave does this hesitantly, after which Gina saves herself as a contact on his phone, texting herself to keep a record of his number. “I’ll be in touch. Rosa and I are leaving now.”

 

* * *

 

**NEW ERA FIELD, 2127 HOURS, LEAVING**

“So... what exactly is your move here?” Rosa asks Gina as they leave the stadium. “Why the sudden publicity stunt?”

“Someone has to make sure Jake and Amy’s reckless asses don’t get our club in hot water. Sooner or later, someone’s going to post that KissCam vid and chances are– it’ll go viral, or at least, some people from our school are going to see it. Rumors about Jake and Amy will go through the roof— who knows what could happen then? The play might not be taken as seriously–“

Rosa rolls her eyes. “Just say you care about them and don’t want them to get hurt.”

“Whatever. I’m just trying to make the best out of this bad situation.”

“Yeah sure,” Rosa says patronizingly, not buying Gina’s words for a second. “So what are you going to do, exactly?”

“We’re going to post the video ourselves first– and make it seem like it’s supposed to be some sort of teaser for our play. So Jake and Amy can pretend they were just ‘acting’, as usual.”

Rosa watches as Gina does just that, uploading a carefully edited version of the video, and writing the perfect caption without so much as a second thought. Gina Linetti is incredible, and Rosa can’t help but be in awe of her. She feels lucky, so incredibly lucky, to have someone this amazing by her side.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2132 HOURS, BATHTUB (JAKE’S ROOM)**

Jake’s not exactly sure how he screwed up drawing a bath, but it’s yet another crappy incident to add onto the crap pile that is his life right now.

He has a feeling it’s because he added the soap to the tub _after_ filling it up with water, when he probably should have added the soap _while_ he filled the tub with water.

But he didn’t, so now he’s just sitting in a tub of soapy undrinkable water that’s translucent and off-white, without any bubbles to play with.

Although, no amount of bubbles could turn this night around, as crazy as it feels to say. He’s spent the longest time trying to avoid thinking it during his bath, but all he wants is Amy.

He’s miserable, especially since she’s just next door, yet so far from reach. He wants her in every possible way right now– and he has this feeling he won’t rest easy if he doesn’t get what his heart desires.

But then again, maybe that’s just the bath talking. Maybe what Jake needs isn’t a bath, but a... walk.

Sighing, he drains the tub and washes himself off before getting dressed.

He only takes one look at Amy’s door before turning away and walking in the other direction.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2135 HOURS, WALKING AROUND**

He doesn’t leave the floor his room’s on– afraid that he might somehow forget which floor he stays on when he returns.

It’s mostly more of the same– doors and carpeting and walls– aside from the random tray on the floor every now and then, there’s nothing that strikes Jake as out of the ordinary.

Which is nice. The constancy of his surroundings lets him clear his head of any thought— until even that gets compromised.

Jake comes across a man crying outside his hotel room five feet away from him. He considers silently turning back when they make eye contact. Crap. Can’t turn back without looking like an asshole now.

“Are you... okay?” Jake asks tentatively.

“M-my... my boyfriend dumped me!” He wails miserably, wiping his tears away, only for them to be replaced with more tears.

“Oh, that’s... horrible.” Jake actually means this. He can completely relate to getting dumped. “I hope you find someone better?”

The man nods. “I will, I will,” he looks up at Jake. “Can you do me a favor?”

Jake gulps, hoping it’s not something too weird. He’s not about to have sex with a complete stranger. “Uh, what is it buddy?”

The man holds up an opened box of condoms, placing them in Jake’s hand. “Just... take those away please. I just– it reminds me too much of him.”

“Condoms remind you... too much of your ex-boyfriend?”

“We bought those condoms together.”

“Okay,” Jake sighs stiffly. “I’ll just... take these off your hands.”

“Feel free to use them too, with anyone you want. I think there’s about ten in there.”

“Thanks, I’m... just leaving now,” Jake replies curtly, forcing himself not to think of Amy. He fails miserably.

Jake inspects the box of condoms as he continues walking– is this some sort of... weird sign? No, no, it can’t be. It’s just... a random thing that happened.

But at the same time... sign or no sign, he still has his hands on a bunch of condoms. And... if he wanted to, perhaps, go to Amy’s room and ask if they could do it just one last time— with the explicit intention of getting all their tension out of their systems (so he’ll stop being a pathetic nuisance and she’ll stop tempting him), he’d feel better?

Maybe this could even fix things between them, who knows?

The more Jake thinks about it, the better an idea it sounds. Unfortunately, the more he thinks about it, the more immersed he gets— to the point where he doesn’t notice a group of elderly women walking towards him.

By the time he realizes their existence, it’s too late to run away and they all see the box of condoms he holds in his hands. Their lingering stares (some judgmental, some suggestive), gets him feeling scarred enough to head straight for Amy’s door.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2153 HOURS, ROOM #1 (AKA AMY’S ROOM) | CONDOMS LEFT: 10/12**

Amy groans and stops moving her fingers when she hears the doorbell ring. She decides to ignore it– she’s not expecting anyone and there’s a chance it’s someone else’s doorbell that she just happened to hear, right?

A few minutes pass and the doorbell ringing grows insistent, refusing to stop. Amy decides to entertain whatever annoyance is at her door, because there’s no way she’s ever going to finish if the onslaught on her ears keeps going on.

Begrudgingly, Amy gives herself a quick rinse to get rid of some bubbles and pulls on one of the bathrobes, haphazardly tying a knot. Hopefully, when she’s done entertaining whatever disturbance she finds on the other side of the door, she can get back to her bath.

Amongst... other activities.

Except, Amy’s anger dissipates completely when she opens the door. Jake’s standing in front of her, and all of a sudden baths lose Amy’s interest.

“Oh... hi Jake,” she greets, as casually as she can– trying not to sound peeved or like she’s trying too hard.

“Look, here’s the– are you wearing a bathrobe?”

Whatever train of thought Jake was on crashes and burns at the tantalizing sight of Amy. Her skin glistens under the faint hotel room light glow, and her damp hair cascades in waves down her shoulders. Thanks to the short robe, Jake is treated to a tempting view of Amy’s thighs and the sight of her concealed body drives him insane once again.

Amy glances down briefly and nods once. “Uh, yeah. I was– I was in the middle of a bath.” She looks at the box of condoms in his hand. “Are those... condoms?”

She can’t help it, a wide smile stretches across her face at the implications.

“Oh, yeah–“

“Did you buy those specifically? Or do you just bring those wherever you go?”

Her teasing voice gets him red in the cheeks.

“God, both of those make me sound super desperate, so it’s a good thing neither of them are true.”

Amy’s confused at this. “Then how did you get those condoms?”

“This dude– never mind, you’re not going to believe me.”

Amy crosses her arms, which does nothing to make her look less sexy. “You’re right, because right now what I believe is that you wanted to have sex with me so bad, you went all the way to a store to get condoms.”

Jake sighs. She kind of has a point, since he does want to have sex with her very... very badly. And yes, if he had not conveniently received a box of condoms from a heartbroken stranger earlier, who’s to say that he wouldn’t have caved and bought condoms anyway? “But– you know what? Screw it. You can believe whatever you want.”

He feigns turning around and leaving, which gets Amy blocking him and slamming the door shut first so he can’t escape.

The knot she’s tied around her bathrobe loosens at her actions, and Jake nearly has a stroke at what this exposes to him.

“No running, Jake. Tell me what you want. Why you came all the way here.”

He swallows thickly, his eyes refusing to leave her loosely clad body. Either Amy doesn’t notice how her bathrobe is practically slipping off her body, or she doesn’t care. Or, she’s letting it happen to torture him on purpose.

“ _I want to have sex with you_ ,” he admits in a single breath. “Just– one last time. To get it all out. Maybe... maybe that’s why we’re having so many problems. And why I said all that crazy stuff earlier, which I didn’t mean, by the way. We didn’t have angry break up sex.”

He says that last bit almost playfully, jokingly, and it makes Amy smile but her gaze darkens to match the one in Jake’s eyes.

“I agree. So how does break up sex work?”

Jake traces the lapels of Amy’s bathrobe. “Not sure. But if I had to guess... it’s rough, fast, and when I grip your hips you’ll still be able to see the shape of my hands tomorrow morning.”

Amy’s breath rasps in desire as Jake presses his greedy lips against her skin, hands reaching to undo the obstructing robe. But then she remembers the still full tub waiting in the bathroom, and her body which has definitely not been thoroughly washed.

She can’t let Jake poison himself by licking her soapy skin, right?

“Jake, Jake– stop,” she heaves as his hands slip under her bathrobe.

At her command, he stops immediately, albeit unwillingly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need to drain the bath– and also wash up, because I’m still soapy all over. Starting anything otherwise would be really unhygienic.”

Jake chuckles. “Of course, no sex until you’re squeaky clean. Making you dirty’s my job.”

He follows her into the bathroom, laughing when she walks into the shower.

“You were right– there’s literally a bubble on your butt, you bubble butt,” he points, and Amy catches sight of it before it pops.

“How is that even possible?” She giggles, turning on the water, whilst Jake begins draining the bath. This is something he nearly regrets because the bath Amy drew is tempting to hop into, but then again, the temptation of Amy herself is far greater than anything else.

She’s so irresistible, he practically grabs her when she exits the shower, placing her on the counter next to the sink where he begins kissing her.

“Really, Jake? Right now?” He nods fervently which makes her laugh. “I’m still wet!”

“Good, then we can skip the foreplay,” he jokes, but stops for a second to hand a towel to Amy, in case she catches a cold.

As she wipes herself dry, Amy can’t help but notice how Jake’s eyes are following her every move.

“Why are you staring at me?” She asks, with a snort.

“I don’t know, this is... weirdly hot to me.”

She can’t help but laugh at this. She’s just wiping herself dry, how is that supposed to be attractive? “Is _everything_ I do hot to you?”

“So far? Yes. It’s crazy, you’re just... so hot.”

His fingers are trailing her skin again and Amy finds herself heating up at a scary rate. She pulls him in and they start to make out like the horny teenagers that they are, desperately undoing Jake’s shirt so she can pull it off.

Jake’s hand slides down her already nude body, from her curves to her hips then down between her legs.

This is when he freezes.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“You’re... you’re so wet.”

She scoffs. “Did you want me to be dry? I was in the shower, Jake, and before that I was having a bath.”

He lifts an eyebrow at her. “Ames, come on. You think I can’t tell the difference?” Tantalizingly, Jake strokes a finger up and down her folds. “This isn’t water. This is you.” His fingers slip inside her, going in so easily it almost proves a point somehow. It pleases him to see how effortlessly he pumps in and out of Amy, making her squirm and whine for him. But he wants her to tell him all about what she did when she was alone in that tub of hers.

“I... Jake...”

“I bet you did this to yourself. Did you have a fun bath?” He asks cheekily against her lips as he kisses her hotly.

“Yes. It was-was a good bath. Got me clean–” She tries to shut him up by reaching for his pants, but he pushes her away, grabbing her hands so that he can trace kisses along her forearms, and then a few against her wrists, her pulse thrumming against his lips.

“But that’s not all you were doing, right?”

“I think you know what I was doing,” Amy tells him breathlessly, pushing his hands off to pull him close again. “And I think you know why too.”

“I don’t,” he lies. “Tell me.”

“I just– I want you so bad, Jake,” she leans into his ear. “You’re so hot, and I want... I want you inside me, please, please–” she begs in a low voice, riling him up in the best way because she makes him yearn for her so painfully, like a mad man.

He curses under his breath as he kisses Amy with all he has, hands pawing desperately for the box of condoms in a rush to thrust himself inside her as much as it pleases the both of them.

“You drive me crazy, you know that?”

“Good.”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2231 HOURS, ♪THEY JUST HAD SEX AND IT FELT SO GOOD♪ | CONDOMS LEFT: 9/12**

****

When they finish, Jake pulls out and disposes of the condom, watching Amy’s legs prettily spread on the counter, slick with arousal in between.

She’s breathtaking.

“Well, I guess that’s the end of... that.” Jake remarks with a scratch of his head. “See you tomorrow?”

Amy looks almost scandalized at this.

“Wait, so– you’re just leaving?”

“Unless that wasn’t sex, I don’t see why not?”

Amy shakes her head desperately. “We only did it like, once. That shouldn’t count.”

Jake chuckles. “So how many times do we have to have sex before it’s counted as sex?”

Sultrily, Amy picks up the box of condoms. “After we finish all of these.”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2236 HOURS, ROOM #2 (AKA AMY’S ROOM) | CONDOMS LEFT: 9/12**

Jake looks tentatively at Amy. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

Amy nods. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

Jake shrugs. “I don’t know, what if you choke on it? It might slide too far down your throat while you’re sucking and blowing.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “I’m going to be fine. Worry about yourself.”

“Yeah, I’ve done this before. So I _know_ I’m going to be fine,” he brags cockily.

“Okay, are you ready then? Three, two, one, go!”

They blow, as hard as they can into their respective condoms. Once they’ve inflated as much as they can manage, they tie up the condoms and place them down on the bed in between them.

They’re gasping hard for breath, having given their all into their condom blowing competition.

Jake grins widely as he pants. “Aha! Mine’s bigger! I win!”

Amy frowns at this. “No, mine is bigger!”

Jake shakes his head. “I can’t believe you have no eyes. _My_ penis balloon is clearly bigger than _your_ penis balloon.”

Amy sighs, holding up both... balloons, comparing them from base to tip, looking satisfied after having made this comparison. “See that, Jake? That is my penis balloon, being way bigger than yours.”

Jake can’t help but chortle at this. “You said penis balloon.”

Amy’s face scrunches up. “You said it first!”

Jake laughs and lays back on the bed with a small stretch. “Can’t believe how easily you’re influenced by me.”

“Whatever,” Amy leans down next to Jake. “I guess we have to play another game now since you’re such a sore loser.”

Jake sits up, offended. “Excuse me? If anything, I’m a sore _winner_. Because I totally won that game.”

This displeases Amy, which she shows by kissing Jake sensually on the mouth. He falls deep into the kiss immediately, and she knows he’s already lost himself to her again, which is something she always wants. For good measure, she slides her hands around his waist; as always, Jake is weak for her touch and his resolve buckles over.

“Tell me I won,” she slyly demands as she pulls away.

“You win,” Jake says immediately, like a man possessed. “You won like, so hard.”

Amy smirks victoriously. “Glad you admit it now. So... what game should we play next?”

“Hmm... what about... ooh! _Don’t Let The Penis Balloon Touch The Floor!_ ”

“That’s perfect!” Amy jumps up, something which momentarily excites Jake because of the way her body moves. “Whose balloon should we use?”

“Penis balloon,” he corrects, “and, we should totally use mine because it’s bigger.”

“No, mine’s bigger. I thought we agreed on that when you admitted I won!”

Jake shrugs. “Sorry babe. You know I can’t think logically when you kiss me. Which means the logic thing is that my penis balloon is bigger! Hah! I just logic-ed the hell outta you.”

“Whatever,” Amy gives up with a small huff. “We’ll just use both penis balloons.”

“How’s that gonna work?”

“We’ll mark each balloon with our names, respectively. Because let’s be real, we won’t be able to tell the difference otherwise since they’re... exactly the same size.”

“Yeah,” Jake assents. “I have no idea why we kept arguing over that. I think I forgot which dick balloon was mine after a while.”

“Right?” Amy gestures in agreement. “Anyway, the goal is to make sure your own balloon doesn’t touch the floor, and to make sure the other person’s balloon hits the ground first.”

“Yup, yup.” Jake stands up enthusiastically. “Okay, I’m in. Is there a pen in here somewhere that we can use?”

Amy makes her way to her overnight bag. “That won’t work on the latex, but I have a great permanent marker we can use,” she says proudly as she digs up her stationery set. “I’ve been waiting _weeks_ to bust this baby out. Can you believe how sparse opportunities to use permanent markers are? It’s insane.”

Jake smiles fondly, making his way toward Amy with their blown-up condoms. “I think what’s insane is how you brought your entire pencil case on a one night trip. What’s the point? Did you think you’d be doing homework?”

Amy pulls out her homework assignments from her bag, which gets Jake laughing. “I never miss an opportunity, Jake. Doing homework regularly is an important form of discipline.”

“Well, the only thing you’ve been doing tonight is me, so unless my name is ‘homework’, I think you failed to be a good girl today.”

“Oh no,” Amy says exaggeratedly. “That just completely derailed my life plan!”

“Yeah, all because my D railed on you,” he quips proudly, causing Amy to shake her head as she marks the condom balloons. “You ready to do this, babe?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“As you’ll ever be? Sorry to point this out Ames, but you’ll never be ready. To beat me at _Don’t Let The Penis Balloon Touch The Floor._ ”

Amy crosses her arms. “You would only win this game in _hell_ , Peralta.”

“Then welcome to hell, Santiago. Because I’ve got this win in the bag.”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2311 HOURS, DON’T LET THE PENIS BALLOON TOUCH THE FLOOR | CONDOMS LEFT: 7/12**

“Ow!” Amy yells in exaggerated pain when Jake’s hand collides with her breast, at the same time Amy’s condom inflatable touches the floor first, prompting Jake to shout “I win!”

Amy’s eyes go wide at her apparent loss, and she protests it immediately. “No, that’s not fair!”

Jake crosses his arms almost arrogantly. “What’s not fair about this? I won fair and square, Ames.”

Amy shakes her head vigorously. “No, you hit my boob in the process! That’s a foul, I want a do-over.”

Jake scoffs in disbelief. “Oh, so it was okay when you shoved me repeatedly and held my wrists together so I couldn’t reach my balloon, but my hand grazes your boob once and _suddenly_ there’s rules?”

“That’s different– I’m only complaining because you claim to have won–“

“Yeah, because I did won, _win_ , whatever,” Jake says confidently despite his slip up, pointing to himself.

Amy decides to ease up on the offense and starts looking as pitiful as she can. “But Jake... it really hurts...”

He falls for it, like an idiot. Hah!

“Oh god, are you okay?”

“You hit me really hard Jake, it feels like I got punched in the boob,” she laments, moving closer to him so he can inspect it. “I know I acted all tough about it, but I was just trying to cover up.”

“Babe, I had no idea.” He holds her, gingerly planting a kiss on Amy’s ‘injury’. “Do you need anything?”

“I need... a do-over.” She says this with a meek tone, but Jake sees through her instantly, rolling his eyes. He continues to play along, however.

“Really? You sure you don’t wanna lie down?”

Amy shakes her head. “No, I think we should play again to determine the actual winner of this game. And also playing will help me forget about the pain? Ouch?”

For someone who’s one of the best actresses he knows, Amy is a horrible liar.

“Cool, cool. Except I kind of won the first time, so there’s no changing that.” He gasps. “Oh no! Babe, did my hand knocking into your boob also give you short term amnesia?”

Amy scowls at Jake for this, now knowing full well that he doesn’t believe her act. “Screw you, Jake. You bruised me!”

Jake snorts, gesturing to said bruise on Amy’s breast. “Pretty sure that one’s because of sex from earlier. Not the game. So try harder next time, Ames.”

“No, pretty sure that was from the game,” Amy retorts pettily. “You were _way_ too gentle during sex to have caused _this_.”

“Oh, so now you’re complaining about my love-making too?!” Jake huffs, yet somehow getting aroused from this rebuke. “Then I guess I should stop being so ‘gentle’ with you. Starting now. I could get even rougher, you know.”

Amy audibly gulps at this. But her competitiveness overtakes her sexual desires at the moment. “Be as rough as you like after I beat you at this game.”

“I can’t have that now?” Jake asks almost hungrily, fingers tracing Amy’s bare body. Maybe playing games naked was a bad idea. He places soft kisses on her neck line, and Amy nearly falls into his trap of affection and intimacy.

Amy decides to go for the kill. She kneels down so as to dodge his kisses, pressing her own soft ones into his thighs, and he hardens so quickly it’s almost scary.

“Oh fuck, Amy, Amy...” his words choke as he moans in delight. Amy’s never done this, and she’s picked an opportune time to start. His soft cries for her crank up to a needy whine when she swirls her tongue around the base of where he wants Amy’s hot, wet lips.

He feels like dying when she comes back up with a smirk that Jake wants to wipe off with a kiss. Or his penis. Either is fine, really.

“You want more?” She asks attractively, and Jake wants to punch a wall. No, scratch that, Jake wants to tear down a wall with a sledgehammer.

“Fuck, Amy, are you– are you kidding me? Of course I want more, plea–“

She places a finger over his lips to shush him.

“Give me a do-over, and I promise–“ she slides her fingers up the side of his length–“I’ll go down on you as long as you want. Later tonight.”

Jake squirms at her touch. He doesn’t want her to go down on him later tonight, he wants her now. But he could never say no to her, or push her into anything, and also what he really wants is for her to go down on him now and _also_ later on in the night. Since he can’t get everything, he settles for a happy future; except even this feels too good to be true.

“Amy... I swear– if this is a trick, I’ll die. You can’t be lying about this, so if you are–“

She cuts him off with a quick kiss. “I assure you,” she whispers softly against his lips. “I want this as much as you do. Jake, I want to suck you off so bad, I’ve thought about it for so long–“ he groans with an unspeakable want, cutting her off with a breathtaking kiss.

“Want you now,” he rasps desperately, hands reaching to touch her, lifting her up. “Please?”

“Do I get my do-over?” She asks almost dispassionately, yet already sinking into his touch.

“Fuck, of course, you get anything you want,” he curses as he lays her on their bed, so taken by his desire for her. “Take all the goddamn do-overs you want babe, just let me fuck you first?”

“Perfect,” Amy moans as she hands Jake the nearest condom lying on the satin sheets, already wrapping her legs around Jake’s waist.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2323 HOURS, BATHROOM | CONDOMS LEFT: 6/12**

He takes her hard, rough, fast, and is more than Amy could ever wish for. They finish with a bang, their climaxes hitting them sharply, messily, falling apart in the best way possible. Hands and fingers linger where they shouldn’t as they take a breather, but it all eventually relaxes and they’re normal again. Or, as normal as they can be around each other.

Right now, Amy fixes herself up and puts on her bathrobe again so she can play the game more effectively. With her sexual appetite sated much more significantly than when she first played the game, Amy believes she’ll display a much better performance.

“You know what would make this more fun?” Amy starts to suggest as she emerges from the bathroom and makes her way toward Jake, who’s elected to put on a pair of boxers. “We could have a fun wager.”

Jake arches his eyebrow curiously at this. “What are the stakes, babe?”

“If you win– which won’t happen,” Amy trash talks to which Jake rolls his eyes, “I’ll do anything you want for thirty minutes.”

Jake looks very interested at this prospect. “Anything, huh?”

Amy winks playfully at him. “Anything.”

“So, if I asked you to build me a rocketship, you’d do it?”

“What? No, Jake, I mean sexually.”

“Oh!” He grins sheepishly. “That makes way more sense. So, if I win you do anything I want for thirty minutes, and if you win I do everything you say?”

It is at this moment that Amy realizes Jake’s done something to the penis balloons. They no longer simply say ‘J’ and ‘A’, but rather _‘Amy SUCKiago (huge loser)’_ , and _‘Jake Peralta (super handsome hot stud who can do backflips and shit)’._

“What did you do?”

“Uh... nothing? Wager sounds great, babe, let’s do it.”

She can’t even bring herself to be angry– he’s ridiculous, and the amount of pettiness that went into the vandalism of their blown-up dick balloons make her feel like laughing more than anything.

“So...” she picks up her scrawled over condom inflatable. “Not only did you feel the need to desecrate my family name with a bad pun, you also had to call me a huge loser?”

He looks apprehensive at her apparent anger. She has him in the palm of her hand now.

“Uh... I’m sorry?”

She shakes her head, tutting. “You know what would make you a huge loser, Jake? If I just kicked you out and ended our night together right here.”

Of course, she doesn’t have this intention at all, and Jake catches her attempt to scam him because he knows full well that that’s not what she wants.

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t deserve to be here, having sex with you. You know what? To save you the trouble, I should just leave.”

He gets up, making his way towards his clothes and puts them on. Amy watches him get fully dressed and walk all the way to the door before she breaks.

“No, Jake, don’t go please–“ she runs, wrapping her arms around Jake’s waist in a back hug to stop him from leaving, even planting a kiss on the nape of his neck. After she does this, he turns around to talk to her.

“But Amy, I have to leave. I’m a huge loser,” he says, despite not wanting to leave at all, obviously.

She shakes her head. “No, you’re not a huge loser, you’re a... super handsome hot stud who can do backflips and shit?”

He can’t help but chuckle at her efforts. “Okay. I’ll stay because you’re cute. Although, for the record, I should probably say that I can’t actually do backflips.”

“Yes Jake, I know. Ready to play?”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 2356 HOURS, DON’T LET THE PENIS BALLOON TOUCH THE FLOOR DO-OVER (NOT A RE-MATCH, SINCE THAT WOULD IMPLY JAKE WON WHICH HE DIDN’T HE DIDN’T WIN) | CONDOMS LEFT: 6/12**

The do-over has been going on the longest time with no sign of either Jake or Amy winning. They’re both equally determined to get half an hour of total control in bed. Or on the floor. Or against the door. Or in the bathroom– see, that could be decided if one of them just _won already._

The problem is: they’re too evenly matched. They’re both too skilled in the same ways, and share the same levels of disgusting determination. If Amy doesn’t tip the scales in her favor soon, this game will never end. Which is a bad thing because there’s still plenty of sex to be had with Jake. But she wants a solid thirty minutes of said sex to involve him carrying out her every whim.

She needs to cheat. She has no other choice really, but to subtly cheat and make Jake succumb to defeat using underhand methods. But she needs to cheat without letting him know that she’s cheating, or he’ll call her out on it and they’ll probably have to play this game all over again. Which is a horrible prospect, especially since Amy is beginning to hate _Don’t Let The Penis Balloon Touch The Floor_.

So whilst she continues to prevent Jake from winning, she tries to devise ways to make Jake’s concentration slip. What could make him lose focus on the game?

Hmm... would seeing her naked work?

Oh, yes, yes it will. Given Jake’s track record, Amy’s pretty certain that seeing her naked will drive him nuts, causing him to lose.

Except, she can’t just flash him, right? Jake’s a pervert, but he’s not an idiot– Amy can’t accidentally flash him, so he’s going to see that she’s cheating and refuse to let her win count. Then he’ll probably start making out with her due to her nude state and they’ll probably start having sex again, so no one will win, which is ridiculous.

Wait, wait. Amy could totally flash Jake on accident! She just has to make him think that he did it, not her. She’s only wearing a bathrobe; one wrong move, one misplaced flick of his hand could have Amy’s bathrobe falling open and Jake falling straight into her trap.

Slowly, and without Jake’s knowledge, Amy begins to loosen the previously tight knot keeping her bathrobe tightly clothing her body. She then begins to move closer to Jake as she plays the game, trying to make it seem natural and strategic.

Lo and behold, she actually does it. Jake’s hand swipes Amy’s bathrobe in a motion to prevent his penis balloon from touching the floor, and Amy’s bathrobe opens up. Jake moves and begins to apologize for this on instinct, and just like that, Amy watches triumphantly as Jake’s penis balloon touches the floor first.

“Hah! I win!” She points out smugly to Jake’s disdain as he momentarily grumbles over his loss. “Now you have to do everything I say for thirty minutes.”

After the initial shock of losing wears of, Jake takes in Amy’s state of undress, which is a victory in his eyes. He kisses her, lifting her off her feet, and naturally Amy’s legs curl around his waist as she kisses him back.

He sits her down on the nearby table where they messily make out, pulling away to give her a smug look.

“Don’t worry, I already know exactly what you want–“ he leans back in to kiss her hungrily and Amy moans into his lips, completely taking to his words, right before Jake pulls away again.

“Just kidding, I need you to tell me everything you want me to do– but that was a cool line, right?”

Amy can’t help but chuckle at his words as she gets off the table, tying her bathrobe shut again.

“I’ll set a timer on my phone.”

“Mm,” he nods appreciatively as he follows her. “So that it’s exactly thirty minutes. I love your style, baby.”

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 0042 HOURS, THIRTY MINUTES OF OBEDIENCE (POST)**

“Touch me,” is the first thing Amy orders him to do, guiding Jake where she wants his hands, lips, and tongue. She gets her fill somewhat, relishing whatever frustration Jake might feel at the one-sidedness of their love making. She just ensures that frustration gets worse by pushing Jake’s head between her thighs and making him eat her out, satisfied from his tongue on her. But Jake does not punish her for whatever resentment he might feel from losing, because getting Amy off always feels amazing.

What he does do (without her knowledge), however, is withhold her release. He slows down and picks the pace up in a seemingly endless cycle, preventing her from climaxing in the most subtle ways he can manage. From the corner of his eye, Jake can see the numbers counting down on the timer beside them.

When the time’s almost at zero, Jake starts to go faster, using a deft combination of fingers and tongue to maximize her pleasure. Amy whines and spews all sorts of expletives, but the moment the timer strikes zero and the alarm sounds, Jake detaches himself from Amy in a split second, right as Amy’s on the edge of what would’ve been a mind blowing orgasm. It’s impossibly frustrating, how lucky he is with this. She has no idea how he timed it such that he could withhold her climax right as the clock buzzed.

Jake sits up, tasting his fingers with no intention of finishing what he started. Amy is livid, but also knows that anger isn’t the answer here. Jake could easily withhold all future releases of hers out of spite; god knows, she needs his touch more than her own at the moment.

“I’m feeling kinda snacky,” he makes a show of how casually he remarks this. “Should we order some food?”

Amy can’t help but scoff. “Are you seriously thinking about food right now?”

“Of course. I’m _starving_.” He rolls over in bed and reaches for the phone on their bedside table. “Want anything?”

She knows he’s deliberately doing this to piss her off somehow, and it’s working. In a fit, she carries out a weak attempt to get back at him, doing her bathrobe up again and locking herself in the bathroom.

“You alright in there?” Jake asks with a knock on the door.

“Don’t pretend you’re not the biggest asshole on earth,” she spits. “I’m not coming out until you promise to make me come.”

“Come? Come where?” He holds back a snicker as Amy huffs.

“You know exactly what I mean, you huge jerk.”

“Babe, I have no idea what’s going on–“

“Shut up, you know exactly why I’m pissed, and you know exactly how to make things right, you dick.”

Jake actually can’t help but laugh at this one. She’s actually angry at him, and it’s adorable. And also hot. But that’s always a given with Amy.

“Okay, I’m just going to give you some time to cool off and wait until the food arrives.”

Amy seethes in the bathroom, even though she has no idea what to do. She’s an aroused, overstimulated, and all kinds of frustrated mess. Her own touch would never suffice at this point, she’s in desperate need of Jake but he’s currently being a miser except with sex instead of money, and Amy feels broke.

She takes a cold shower in spite of herself, but she hates the icy temperatures and slowly succumbs to the temptation of a hot shower. She tries to convince herself that she’s depriving Jake of a nice wash, a chance to get clean, and how jealous he would be of her fresh, scrubbed down self, in comparisn to his hot, sweaty body.

She fails, because even as she towels herself dry, she can’t stop missing the way Jake was eyeing her body, and how much she wants him to make her feel all sorts of dirty again.

She hears the doorbell ring and Jake answering the door, receiving their food. She wonders if he ordered anything for her, even though she claimed to not want a thing.

“Amy?” He knocks on the bathroom door, and she cracks a small smile. “You sure you’re not hungry? I ordered you some pierogis. And hot chocolate...”

She keeps silent, ignoring the way her stomach gurgles at the thought of freshly made, sweet pierogis, sliding down her throat.

She wants something else to slide down her throat, but she supposes she can settle with food. She quietly emerges from the bathroom and watches the soft smile Jake offers her.

“I’m here for the pierogis, not you. I’m still mad at you,” Amy explains as she settles on the bed next to Jake.

“Of course, why else do you think I ordered them?” Gingerly, Jake picks up one of the pierogis with his fingers and pops it into Amy’s mouth.

Her anger slightly dissipates at this gesture. She has to admit, being fed by Jake is a nice feeling. It’s almost as if he didn’t pettily deny her of an orgasm earlier.

“Taste good?” He asks, to which Amy nods. She leans forth to take a sip of hot chocolate, and Jake hums as he inhales the scent of her hair. “You smell good.”

“I took a shower,” Amy says, stating the obvious.

“Well I’m afraid you might have to take another shower again later,” he tells her as he undoes her bathrobe. At this point, there’s probably no point in trying to put it on anymore. One way or another, Jake’s going to get her naked.

She hopes to god that he has sex with her. But instead of doing that, Jake reaches for something on the table and before she knows it, maple syrup is trickling down her breasts and Jake swipes the sticky liquid off her nipple with part of a pancake.

“Mm, I knew it. Tastes so much better off you,” He moans in delight, chewing on the pancake like it’s the best thing since sliced bread. He drags a finger down the middle of her chest to pick up excess syrup and licks it off. “So good.”

“Jake...” Amy swallows thickly, confused yet aroused. “What are you doing?”

“Using you as a plate. Because the plates they gave us are filthy– wait. No, they’re not filthy enough. No wait– they... ah, screw it.” He looks at Amy like he’s a starving man. “I wanna eat stuff off your body.”

Amy shifts at his words, unable to believe how much she’s reacting to this, how much it’s working for her.

To be fair, though, most sexual things in conjunction with Jake have all worked so far– so why is she surprised? Besides, she hungers for him right now, in any way he’s willing to offer her pleasure.

“Is that okay, babe?” He asks, unsure what to make of Amy’s silence.

Amy nods. “But I think you should be naked for this too,” she decides, and Jake smiles cheekily at her request.

“Why do I?”

“Because... this could get messy. And you don’t want syrup on your clothes.” She picks up the nearby glass of water on the table, taking a sip before spilling some on Jake’s shirt and jeans. “Oops, my bad. You should take your shirt off.”

Jake bites his lip at Amy’s insistence, which is unfairly arousing. “You sure I can’t just wait for it to dry?”

“Get naked, Jake. Or I’ll take your clothes off myself, and I won’t be gentle.”

He obliges her, no matter how tempting the prospect of an angry Amy ripping his clothes off is. She grins, victorious, tearing off a piece from Jake’s pancakes and dipping it in syrup.

“You’re right, this does taste good.”

Jake shakes his head at her. “Trust me, it tastes even better off your body.” His eyes flick to the syrup dripping from Amy’s fingers, falling to her abdomen. “You got a little something there.”

“Oh no,” Amy says, eyes never leaving Jake because her messy eating methods are entirely on purpose.

Jake’s tongue swirls around the sweetened area, sucking lightly on her skin as if overestimating how much syrup she dropped. After that, he proceeds to lick and suck on Amy’s syrup-stained fingers, releasing them from his mouth with relish. “Mmm.”

“Yeah. Pancakes go really well with syrup, don’t they?”

Jake sits up with a playful smile. “You know what else goes really well with pancakes? Butter.”

He rips open one of the small packets of butter provided, dragging it down Amy’s body to create some kind of oily treasure trail, that his tongue strictly follows. The sensations have Amy sighing and laying down as she lets Jake take over and eat off her as he pleases.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 0137 HOURS, (KINKY) SUPPER TIME | CONDOMS LEFT: 6/12**

“Okay, now you’ve completely left out the pancakes and are just eating butter and syrup off my body,” Amy chides, but is cut off from saying more when Jake sucks this unhealthy mixture off her nipple. It’s so bad for his health but it feels so good.

“Exactly,” Jake retorts as he licks his lips. “I’m cutting out the carbs.”

Amy sighs. “I can’t believe I’m enabling your horrible eating habits.”

He pops a pierogi in her mouth to appease her. “Well, what you’re really enabling is my horrible addiction to your body, but... potato tomato, y’know?”

Amy gives him a sticky kiss for this, and she means that literally, because his lips especially are covered in syrup after coating and drinking the stuff from her skin.

“Lick me clean?” She suggests sultrily, and Jake chuckles at her attempt to be seductive. It works, but he still decides against her request.

“I think we know that you’ll just get even stickier if I lick you again,” he explains. “Seriously, I might get diabetes from what we just did.”

Amy chortles at this. “And whose fault is that?”

“Mine, all mine.” He gets off the bed, heading to the bathroom to wash out his mouth, emerging after a few moments with a damp washcloth. “Let’s get you properly cleaned up, Ames.”

The strange thing is, despite how clean she gets, Amy can’t shake off this dark feeling, especially with the way Jake looks at her. It’s entirely intentional, and it really doesn’t help that Jake wet the cloth with warm water.

Amy gets confirmation that this is not at all accidental when Jake moves the washcloth down between her legs and rubs her with it.

“Jake, you... you didn’t pour any syrup down there,” she heaves, the coarse texture spiking her arousal.

“I know. I couldn’t ruin your taste with syrup. You taste so much better on your own.”

Amy scoffs a little at this, which is possible because Jake moves the washcloth away from her crotch since he’s genuinely trying to get her cleaned up. “And also, if you had put any syrup down there, I would’ve killed you.”

“Right. Although– getting murdered by you? Sounds like a great death. If I could choose how I go out, it would be by eating you out.”

Amy snorts. “And how would that work?”

“Some kind of tasteless poison. I’d die painlessly.”

Amy slowly takes the washcloth away from Jake’s hands and chucks it aside. “Then I think you should eat me out again. Let’s see if you live to see another day.”

He smiles, bending down to put his head between her legs. He lightly sucks on Amy and she finds herself forgetting most of the English language, her vocabulary reduced to that of an ineloquent fool.

“Mm, I don’t think I’ll live. You sound too hot to handle.”

His fingers lazily stroke her hips and his lips plant wet kisses into the inside of her thigh. She begins to hunger for more than his touch, and soon she’s begging him to be inside her again.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 0212 HOURS, ROOM #2 (AKA AMY’S HOTEL ROOM) | CONDOMS LEFT: 5/12**

“Okay...” Jake pants desperately, worrying about his asthma relapsing, a real potential threat given how spent he is at the moment. “I think that’s it... that’s all I got left.”

He sits up, taking one last look at Amy, who’s sweating and gasping for breath next to him, still looking desirable as all hell, especially with her hair all tousled and spread out over the pillow– his fault, obviously. He glances at the clock and sighs.

“Yeah, like I guessed, it’s really late.” He searches rather lethargically for his clothes, finding his shirt and putting it on sloppily. “We have to check out pretty early tomorrow so, I should leave or I’m not gonna get any sleep.”

Amy jerks up at this. “Wait, leave? Why are you leaving?”

“Because I’m tired, and my bed is next door?”

He makes an effort not to mention how this is supposed to be ‘break up sex’. Because they’re both well aware of how carried away they’ve gotten.

“But I don’t want you to leave,” Amy protests, her hand grabbing onto Jake’s arm right as he finds his jeans, not letting him get dressed any further.

“I’m not having any more sex with you, Amy. Look, I know we didn’t finish the con–“

“I don’t care about that,” Amy shakes her head. “I just want to be with you. Please, sleep with me. I don’t want you to go.”

His lips press together hard at this. He could never say no to her, it’s how much she seems to want this that he can’t believe.

“You want me in your bed?”

“Yes,” she affirms, fingers already moving to undo his shirt. “I want you lying next to me as we sleep. I want to touch you, I want you to touch me.”

His hand curls around her waist in a kiss as he dips her back into the bed again, helping Amy shrug off his stupid shirt so he can get comfortable.

“I get so lonely when I sleep without you,” he admits as his lips plant random kisses on her head, the soothing smell of her hair making him sleepy already. Jake doesn’t know that sleeping without Amy will never get easier no matter how much time passes.

“Me too, it feels... it always feels even colder somehow.”

“Nah, I don’t think that’s me. You’re always freezing.”

She pushes against his shoulder for that and they laugh in spite of themselves.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 0839 HOURS, ROOM #2 (AKA AMY’S HOTEL ROOM)**

Jake stirs to the warm, wet sensation of Amy’s mouth around him, languidly sucking him off. It’s the best, most incredible feeling ever, and he’s almost upset that he’s experiencing this for the first time at eight in the morning.

His knuckles whiten to match the sheets he grips oh so tightly to cope with the overwhelming pleasure; he feels Amy’s tongue sliding experimentally around and then along his length. She seems to be everywhere at once, and it’s fantastic. He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Her hands grip his hips to hold him still because of the way he keeps edging himself upwards towards her. Amy’s fingers dig into his skin when he squirms too much, but caresses him approvingly when he makes an effort to stay still.

Her hair tickles his legs, so he moves it out the way and sits up a bit to get a closer look at her in all her glory. He feels nothing but bliss as he slides his fingers through her smooth hair.

But Amy apparently sees this as an indication that he’s much too relaxed. Her fingers come into play now, pumping him in tandem with her lips, and the grunts and curses that slip out afterwards are anything but relaxed.

It is a beautiful Saturday morning when Jake Peralta comes harder than he’s ever come this time of day, inside of Amy Santiago’s mouth. His legs tremble as this climax draws out, and he feels so blessed at the attention Amy lavishes him with.

At this, Jake learns something new, his first fact of the day. As he watches her throat move, Jake smiles at the knowledge that Amy swallows.

Technically, it shouldn’t be the most exciting news to learn– but everything about Amy is just so wonderful, including the fact that she swallows, and more importantly, how she seems incredibly proud of herself after the fact.

She gets up to give him a kiss on the cheek, and Jake slides his arm around her waist to hold her close. She’s so beautiful in the morning. And in the afternoon. And in the evening. And also at night. And... at the crack of dawn when he wakes up for no reason but her calm sleeping face lulls him back to sleep anyway.

Okay, so she’s fucking gorgeous at all times of the day, whatever.

“Good morning?” She giggles after this greeting, her head leaning against Jake’s shoulder as she continues to laugh.

“It’s morning? Sorry, I stopped caring about time after you sucked my dick to wake me up.”

“I was so good I made time stop?”

“Time didn’t stop, I just don’t care what time it is anymore,” he says as he kisses her hair. “You’re so pretty, I don’t need clocks.”

After all, why watch time (an illusion) pass when you can watch the bewitching Amy Santiago live and breathe?

“Sorry,” she grins. “I can’t relate to that. Besides, you never liked clocks.”

“Yeah, you’re the clock-lover here. You love them so much you have three of them next to your bed alone.” He smiles cheekily at his next thought. “Hey, which do you like better: your clocks or my cock?”

She buries her face in his chest to hide from him. “I can’t believe you.”

“God, you like your clocks more don’t you?” He sighs. “And now I’m jealous.”

“Of inanimate objects?”

“Exactly.”

Amy chortles at this as she gets up, putting on her bathrobe to go get washed up.

“Well I think you need to stop being so jealous, Jake. We have to check out soon, remember?”

“Right, copy that.”

He quickly puts on some combination of his garments from last night, and quickly moves all his stuff from his room to Amy’s. It’s less than an hour’s time, but he wants to spend every second with her.

“Is there room for one more?” He asks as he enters the bathroom, Amy laughing in pleasant surprise.

“What happened to the perfectly good shower in your hotel room?”

“I blew it up so I could have an excuse to come back here.”

She snorts as he begins taking off his clothes. “How did you manage to do that?”

“With... with the power of my imagination?”

It’s a ridiculous notion that gets put across awkwardly, but Amy still pushes open the glass door of the shower to let Jake in.

“Wait–“ she pauses, holding onto the handle and blocking Jake’s way–“you should brush your teeth first.”

Jake freezes at this, turning to the sink and scrambling for a new toothbrush. He then struggles to squeeze toothpaste on said toothbrush because the toothpaste provided by the hotel comes in such a minuscule tube and the hole from which the toothpaste squeezes out is so annoyingly small that Jake has to keep squeezing the tiny, stupid tube. But he eventually gets a sufficient amount of toothpaste on his toothbrush in case Amy disapproves, and then charges into the shower with an unbridled glee.

“You’re going to brush your teeth _here?_ ” Amy says with apparent disbelief, even though she had already gathered that Jake had no intention of spending precious seconds at the sink when he could be in the shower.

“I’m just trying to save time and water!” He insists with a grin, before hurriedly starting to brush his teeth.

“How noble,” Amy teases, her words sarcastic but loving.

She doesn’t say much after Jake finishes brushing his teeth, throwing the toothbrush over the top of the shower, watching it hit the sink.

“I could be a basketball player,” Jake marvels, beside himself about his wet toothbrush tossing skills. “The next Lebron.”

“Sure, Jake.”

When she pulls him down for a kiss, he tastes like mint and ambition.

Just kidding, ambition has no flavor. He just tastes like mint. But it’s a good taste nonetheless. Even though Amy’s pretty certain he did not wash his mouth as thoroughly as he should have.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 0946 HOURS, OUTSIDE THEIR ROOMS**

“Got everything?” Amy asks, looking through her overnight bag one last time just in case.

“Yeah, sure,” Jake replies without checking a thing, because right in front of his eyes is everything he needs.

Also he packed really light, so. Losing one thing or the other wouldn’t really matter. He’s looking at Amy because he feels compelled to ask her something.

“Hey, um...”

Amy looks up, having confirmed for the third time that she’s packed everything. “Yeah?”

“You free later on?”

“Actually, as I recall, I’ll be busy for most of the day, driving back up to Brooklyn with you,” Amy says pointedly but also teasingly.

Jake lets out a hesitant chuckle. “Yeah, I meant after that. We could get dinner. Or if you’re not feeling that we could–“

“Jake, what are you saying?” Amy furrows her eyebrows in apprehension. “Are you... are you asking me out on a date?”

Jake bites his lip, looking down at his shoes, barely hearing her words over the sound of his heart pounding fearfully. “Yeah, yeah I am.”

Amy takes a deep breath. She doesn’t just feel guilt now, she feels a deep sense of shame. They had trapped themselves in an inconsequential love bubble last night, blinded by a fog of intimacy and bliss. Jake and Amy were in some transcendent paradise of their own creation.

And now? Amy’s gone and stabbed the bubble in its innocent face, killed the fog by vaping it with her e-cig, and burnt their paradise to the ground.

Those are rather specific deaths, but the pain she’s crippling both their hearts with is a rather specific, soul-splitting type of pain.

“Jake...” she begins, already hating herself even though she’s just sticking to her guns. “I thought... I thought last night was a one time thing.”

“So, what?” Jake chokes, already resigned to the aforementioned pain. He blames himself, really, for letting himself hope that Amy actually wanted something real, finally. “Are we in Vegas now? Where everything that happens here stays here?”

Amy hates this entire day already. “Jake, you– you said it was break up sex.”

Jake actually huffs in disbelief at this. “Yeah, it was break up sex, Amy. Until you told me to stay for more. I’m sorry, but break up sex doesn’t end with you begging me to sleep in your bed with you.”

He’s got a point there. Amy doesn’t know what overcame her last night. Just... the thought of Jake leaving itself was something she couldn’t handle at the time, she just had to make him stay. She was far too weak at heart last night.

_She’s not looking too strong this morning either._

“I know there’s no excuse for what I did. I just... I needed you, and I couldn’t stop myself from needing you. I’m sorry.”

Jake looks truly conflicted at this. His jaw tightens in agony. “Why can’t you need me now? The way I need you?”

“Jake–“

“I just– it kills me, y’know? Because I don’t know why you don’t want this, I don’t know what I need to give you, to show you, in order to change your mind.”

“You can’t,” Amy swallows, yet a bitter taste lingers in her mouth, refusing to leave. “I’m sorry, I can’t give you what you want. And... I’d prefer not to tell you why.”

Jake breathes in deeply, but he isn’t sure any actual oxygen enters his system. His lungs are making the necessary motions, yet he feels so suffocated.

He wants to say something very petty, like ‘no more sex for you unless you agree to be my girlfriend!’ or ‘marry me or i’m turning off this sex tap’, or some other equivalent threatening to withhold sex because apparently Amy wants nothing but that from him.

He doesn’t do that, however, because it’s stupid and also just something too disgusting to say. Apart from all the huge huge issues surrounding those hypothetical statements, they also kind of insinuate that Amy can’t get laid if he’s not having sex with her, which is just... the most untrue thing ever. Who wouldn’t want to have sex with her?

Still, he’s kind of angry. He feels used and confused and like he has no control over any part of this shitty situation.

“You know what your problem is, Amy? You like me, but you don’t love me.”

Amy’s face contorts at this. “That’s... that’s not fair. It’s not like you love me.”

Jake huffs, unable to believe she doesn’t see it. “Well I’m sorry to burst your bubble, Ames. But I do. I do love you. I love you so much it kills me.” He turns away from the look of shock on her face. “But yeah, who cares about that, right? We should check out before they start charging us extra.”

He starts making his way to the lift without another word, and Amy can’t do anything but follow him.

 

* * *

 

**STAYBRIDGE SUITES, 1006 HOURS, CHECKING OUT**

He can’t love her. He just can’t, it’s not possible. They were only together for just under a week, and even before that... assuming Jake started crushing on Amy the second their lips first met, that would still only be a few short months of time, right? How could he fall in love with her so quickly?

Wait, she’s being too assumptive about all this. Maybe Jake isn’t in love with her. Love can come in many forms, right? He can love her, like in a friendly, amicable way, but that doesn’t mean he’s in love with her.

But also, Jake clearly meant for his words to be interpreted romantically. He’s probably just messing with her, some kind of... revenge? Because she won’t tell him how she’s too scared to date him no matter how tempting it is. Except he doesn’t know about any of this.

Anyway, putting all that aside, Jake is clearly lying to Amy. He can’t love her. He just can’t.

Because how could he be so sure of something Amy can’t even begin to comprehend?

—

NINE EGGS, 1304 HOURS, LUNCH TIME

Amy spends the entire car ride before they stopped for lunch at this diner contemplating if she loves Jake.

She doesn’t love Jake, right? There’s a part of her that wants to love Jake out of spite because of the last comment he made. There’s another part of her that doesn’t want to love Jake, doesn’t believe she can love Jake.

After all, she’s never been in love. How can she presume to know what it is?

Currently, she starts to believe that Jake loves her less and less. Why? Well, for one, he’s been flirting with their waiter, Stevie. More accurately, he’s been flirting back at Stevie, because the tall attractive man who looks about their age started flirting with Jake first.

And Amy’s hated every second of it. Sure, she has no right to feel anything, but if he were really in love with her and only her, why would Jake be flirting with other people?

“I’m sorry, but are you ever going to take our order?” Amy snaps, because even though she’s never been rude to service staff, she feels that she has the right to be mad in this case. Stevie’s been at their table for ten minutes, and he still hasn’t written any of their orders down. Because she hasn’t had the chance to tell him what her order is.

So yes, Stevie’s subpar service is why Amy is being so curt with him. It’s definitely, definitely not because she wants him to stop flirting with Jake.

“Wow, okay,” Stevie gulps uncomfortably. “Someone sure gets cranky when she’s hungry.” He looks at Jake. “Do you not feed your girlfriend regularly?”

The notion that any potential boyfriend of Amy’s should keep her ‘fed’ makes Amy uncomfortable. She’s perfectly capable of keeping herself fed, thank you very much. It’s this strange form of objectification that makes Amy’s hatred for Stevie grow.

This same discomfort too momentarily reflects on Jake’s face, along with a wistfulness that arises from Amy being referred to as his girlfriend.

(He hates having to hear it because it’s not true and Amy refuses to let it be true.)

“Actually,” Jake corrects. “Amy’s not my girlfriend. We’re just friends, right, Amy?”

Amy bites her lip. She’s so tempted to say that she’s Jake’s girlfriend in order to get Stevie to back off, but seeing how Jake already denied them being in a relationship, she’s just going to look like a crazy person if she says otherwise.

“Yeah, we’re... just friends.”

The smile Stevie gets at this pisses Amy off so much, she wants to kick him. She’s far from hungry right now, stomach filled to the brim with resentment.

“Good, that’s good to know.” He turns to Jake now, more confident than he was before. Which is saying something, since he was already plenty confident earlier. “I’ll just cut straight to the chase: you like men?”

Amy discreetly gnaws on her bottom lip at this. She hates where this is going. She hates this entire diner.

Jake raises his eyebrow with interest at Stevie’s bravado. “Depends on which man. But... yeah. I like men.”

Stevie’s eyes give Jake a deliberate once-over, liking what he sees. “That’s what I like to hear. Okay, lady. What are you having?”

With a frustrated sigh (Amy is not planning on hiding her dislike for Stevie in the slightest), Amy begins listing out their orders (including Gina’s and Rosa’s, who left like ten minutes ago to go to the bathroom together).

“Okay. I’ll be right back,” he says when Amy’s done ordering. If overheard by a random passerby, they would’ve assumed Stevie meant that he would be back soon with their food. But Amy knows he means that he’ll be back soon to flirt with Jake.

And she’s pretty sure that Jake knows this too, because he offers Stevie a wink as he leaves.

He turns to look at Amy.

“You’re jealous,” he says outright, which catches Amy off guard.

“Whu... what?”

“You don’t want me having sex with Stevie, because you’re jealous.”

Amy frowns at this. “I’m not jealous. And who said anything about you having sex with Stevie?”

Jake folds his arms. “I’m pretty sure he wants to, and that he’d say yes if I asked. Don’t believe me? Let’s call him back to check–“

“No,” Amy refuses with a shake of her head. “You’re not calling him back here.”

“Only if you admit that you’re jealous.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “I’m not jealous, I just think you’re a liar. If you loved me so much, you wouldn’t be flirting with our waiter.”

Jake’s gaze on Amy just remains sincere. “I didn’t lie, Amy. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

The pit of Amy’s belly lurches at this. Every word he says unfairly weighs on Amy’s heart.

“You can’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s how I feel. I can’t scare you off more than I already have anyway,” he phrases this nonchalantly, but there’s a masked pain in his voice.

“I meant you can’t say that and... also insinuate that you want to hook up with Stevie.”

He snorts. “Well, I have to fill the void you left in my heart somehow.”

“But Stevie’s an asshole.”

“True,” Jake concurs. “But... he’s still kinda hot, and I wouldn’t mind messing around with him. Since you’re not my girlfriend, there’s nothing you can do about that.”

He looks so proud about this fact, despite being quite sad. It’s all about the small victories with him. But Amy hates this. She wants to be able to do something.

And so, she starts doing something.

She removes the jacket she’s had on since morning, revealing a turquoise blouse. Smirking hubristically at Jake, she begins to undo the top few buttons of her previously fully buttoned and very appropriate blouse.

The effect this has on Jake is instantaneous. He looks very panicked all at once.

“What... what are you doing?”

Amy looks at Jake with guileless eyes as she arches her chest, even going so far as to tug the hem of her shirt down, shamelessly showing off her cleavage. She finishes this move off by taking down her ponytail, not even sure if it actually does make her look sexier. The path of logic and the path of desperation do not often coincide.

“Just trying to cope with the heat. It’s getting pretty hot in here,” she lies.

“I’ll ask them to turn down the thermostat,” Jake suggests, silently begging her to put her jacket back on.

She doesn’t let him get away so easily. “No, there’s no need for that. I think I feel a lot cooler this way. A lot freer.” She grabs his hand and places it on her arm. “Feel my skin, Jake. Isn’t it less warm than before?”

Jake’s hand remains frozen as she slides her arm up and down his open palm. He gulps, and as she feels every pattern of his fingerprints against her, she knows he can feel her just as much.

Her foot, previously resting on the floor, starts sliding up his leg, going from his heel up to his calf, stopping at his knee, then going back down again.

She blinks in a way that is both sultry and innocent; she’s using cheap tricks to steal Jake’s attention away from Stevie (truth is, his attention was always hers), but it’s worth it because the desire coloring Jake’s face more and more with each passing second is entirely priceless.

And the pleasure is all Amy’s– Jake on the other hand, is just in pain. He grits his teeth, bites his lip, tightens his fist– but the pain still remains.

“Amy... why are you doing this?”

Amy plays the fool. “Doing what? Am I doing something?”

Jake scoffs. “Yeah, sure, pretend you’re not groping me under the table. Are you trying to get me hard in public?”

Amy inhales sharply at this. “You wanted me to get jealous, Jake. It worked.”

Jake licks his lips involuntarily at this. He’s no longer trying to resist Amy’s charms. Because he’d never succeed in that endeavor. His fingers purposefully tease their way up Amy’s arm, her thin blouse doing a poor job of reducing the sensations of his fingertips.

“Good. So... how jealous are you, Ames?”

Her hand runs possessively over him. “So jealous. I want to be the only one who gets to touch you, and I definitely don’t want someone like him touching you.”

A groan rolls out pathetically from the back of Jake’s throat. He wants to be all hers, he wants all of him to belong to her.

“What would you do to make sure Stevie doesn’t touch me?”

“Anything.”

His breath hitches at this. Anything? Including dating Jake? Because really, that’s all Jake wants, and that’s all it would take for Jake to remain faithful to Amy.

Although, it’s not like that’s necessary. Amy doesn’t need to date Jake for him to know that she’s all he wants, all he could ever hope for. Really, he wants no one else.

But he doesn’t tell her that. He also doesn’t tell her that she should just date him because he’s been down this road before (just hours ago, in fact), and he doesn’t want to kill the mood.

Instead, he slides his hand over her jeans, her thighs shivering at his touch.

“Have sex with me,” he whispers in a low voice, almost begging her for it. “Please, I need you so bad. I don’t care that you don’t love me,” his voice thins in pain, “I just, I need to touch you.”

Amy blinks, her eyes shutting a tad bit longer than usual. She wants what he wants in equal measure, but she knows it’s a bad idea.

(Trying to seduce Jake because she was jealous was also a bad idea, but Amy tries not to think about that.)

“Jake... we’re having lunch.”

“I want to eat you for lunch,” he proclaims in a hot breath, lips ghosting her face with desire. “Please Amy, just one last time. I love being inside you, I want it again and again and again.”

Amy’s nails dig into her own skin at this. Resisting the urge to just... go at it with Jake again is agonizingly hard.

“Gina and Rosa could... come back anytime.”

“We both know they left to bone, Amy.”

This isn’t even an assumption. When Gina and Rosa announced their sudden departure from the table, and was asked ‘Where are the two of you going?’, Gina simply said ‘We’re going to have sex, losers. Don’t wait up, except we’ll be back and we kind of need you to order for us’.

Amy takes a deep breath, looks Jake dead in the eyes.

“No, Jake. You know we can’t.”

Jake bites his lip hard, and then nods. He accepts her decision, no matter how much he suffers because of it. He’d never want to do anything she doesn’t want.

“Okay. I get it, it’s fine. But... if you still want to chase Stevie away...”

He taps his lips with a soft smile, and Amy smiles back. An odd sort of nostalgia fills her up. This isn’t her first rodeo. Literally, because she has never been to a rodeo. And this is not a rodeo. But this isn’t the first time Amy’s kissed Jake to prevent him from receiving unwanted advances, that much is true.

He smiles when he sees Stevie make his way towards them with food and drinks. Jake raises his eyebrow at Amy with a questioning look. It’s all up to her, she realizes. Jake’s leaving it all up to her– she can lean over the table, kiss Jake, and get Stevie to back off, or she can stay away and... Jake might leave her all alone to be with Stevie.

Amy gets up on her feet and slides into Jake’s side of the booth, practically tackling him with her lips. Within seconds, she’s lying on top of him in the booth as they make out hungrily, Jake’s arms wrapped around her waist and back as he kisses her with fervor, like he’s never wanted to kiss anyone up until this moment; Amy gets heady at the way she presses against Jake, the way his scent sticks to her, the way he makes her want more.

It’s a kiss that should rightfully, get them kicked out of the diner.

They only break apart when Stevie clears his throat, setting his tray down on their table. This is what prompts Amy to stop kissing Jake, subtly wiping her lips whilst she daringly gives Stevie a victorious wink.

Jake and Amy start sitting up, with Amy comfortably settled in Jake’s lap as they do this. The latter has already taken to Amy in his lap, his hand looping around her waist to keep her there. He couldn’t be less bothered about Stevie, his eyes are only on Amy, who is sustaining his attention to no end.

Amy also seems to have Stevie’s attention now, too. Apparently, her change of attire and attitude now attracts him, which is strange because her gorgeous face should’ve done the trick in the first place.

“You two are fun,” he remarks with a smile. He’s not at all jealous that Amy is kissing Jake. “Can I join in?”

Jake bites his lip, his grip (unbeknownst to him) tightening slightly around Amy. Half his instincts are telling him to lurch forth and kick Stevie away because he wants Amy all to himself (something he shouldn’t do, because he doesn’t own Amy and he will never own Amy), a quarter of his instincts are saying not to do that because Amy is on his lap and trying to fight anyone might hurt her in the process, unless he asks her to get up and step aside, or recruits her as a fighting teammate. Another quarter of Jake is telling him to eat lunch, because he hasn’t eaten all day.

Wait, does that all add up to one? Holy shit, Jake’s mastered the mental math of attitudes!

See how useful having sex with Amy is?

He’s going to become such an idiot now that Amy’s making him go cold turkey. How will his intelligence survive on kisses alone?

As his thoughts continue to run wild, Amy slides her arm around the back of Jake’s neck possessively.

“Sorry, Stevie,” Amy fake apologizes coolly. “But... I don’t like sharing.”

Stevie shrugs at this. “Fair enough.”

For all his misogynistic overtones, Stevie knows how to back off when consent is withdrawn. Amy doesn’t give him points for this though, since it’s common decency. Instead, she places another order.

“Could we get two glasses of water, though? All this kissing has made us thirsty.”

He sighs, getting up and doing as he’s told, which basically means she succeeds in chasing Stevie away, even though she failed to do it via kissing Jake.

This is something Jake starts up again when Stevie leaves, slow and attentive yet with a desperation that nearly has Amy breathless.

“He’s gone,” she says against his sinful lips. “Still kissing me?”

“That was so hot,” he tells her, possibly referring to how Amy chased Stevie away, yet also possibly referring to Amy’s existence in general.

Amy moans against Jake’s lips and keeps kissing him. She should really refrain from such a public display of affection, but there’s barely anyone else in the diner. Can they really be considered in the public if no members of the public are present to make it as such?

The only people Amy sees around are Gina and Rosa, sitting across from them in their booth.

WAIT– Gina and Rosa are back??

Crap! Amy pulls away from Jake immediately, and his lips nearly chase her in confusion until he notices Gina and Rosa too. How long have they been here? How much have they seen? Compared to Amy, however, Jake looks much more calm. Resigned, but in a more hopeful manner than Amy? Like this is a thing that might as well happen, you know?

“Hey, so... how long have you two been here?” Amy awkwardly asks, because someone has to say something, right?

“Boo, go back to sucking face and being oblivious losers,” Gina jeers teasingly.

“I kind of like that idea, actually,” Jake concurs, but Amy doesn’t so much as give him a look.

“Anyway, I’m pretty sure Gina and I know what’s going on here, but because we have a few bets riding on this, what exactly is going on here?”

“Uh...” Amy trails nervously. She doesn’t know how to explain this without looking like a selfish person, or accidentally letting Jake find out that Holt disapproves of them being an item.

“Yeah, well...” Jake interjects. “I guess the gist of it is that I’m in love with Amy, but we’re not dating.”

Gina and Rosa are visibly shocked by this confession. It’s not the fact that Jake’s in love with Amy, that’s plain for all to see, it’s the fact that he’s _admitting_ it. For someone so uncomfortable with the many emotions he has, Jake must’ve truly broken down in order for him to crack like this. He’s a shattered glass shell of a man. Which makes no sense, but none of this makes any sense.

Quickly, because Gina and Rosa were there the day Holt expressed his thoughts on actors dating each other, they put together why Jake seems so lost and spurned, why Jake and Amy aren’t dating.

Jake now fiddles with the straw in his glass of orange soda. He doesn’t see the look Gina and Rosa give Amy, asking millions of questions with only their eyes. Amy in turn begs them to keep mum about everything, not making a sound either. The closest she comes to saying an actual word is when she mouths the word ‘please’.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0538 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#3: HOT AND HEAVY TIMES WITH AMY)**

He kisses into her skin like he’ll lose his lips if he stops, and Amy appreciates the attention he threatens to drown her with. She is his entire world, and she knows it. There is a confidence with which she makes love to Jake, if you would call it making love. To Amy, in this case, she’s just satisfying a sexual need.

When they finish, Amy gets dressed quickly, like she’s disgusted by Jake and everything he stands for, because she _is_ disgusted by Jake and everything he stands for.

“Where are you going?” He asks in genuine concern, as always naively unaware of Amy’s lack of interest in him as a person. He’s also worried because they seem to have had sex in some dark void. He sees nothing other than her, and his own body. His subconscious must’ve been too lazy to give them somewhere decent to have sex in, like the asshole it is.

Amy snorts with a little laugh. “Why would I stay with you? You’re not my boyfriend.”

Jake’s jaw tightens at this fact. Right. Amy doesn’t love him, and probably never will. He screwed everything up for himself by being someone unworthy of Amy’s love.

“At least tell me where you’re going,” he continues. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m going to a wedding,” she explains simply.

“Oh... who’s getting married?”

“Me,” she says, shattering his heart with a single word. A snap of her finger has her in a wedding dress. She looks so beautiful, Jake nearly doesn’t care that she’s probably not marrying him.

“Who are you marrying?”

“Oh, anyone who’s not you.”

He doesn’t even get to respond to that, because Jake’s lungs fill up with something deadly, to the point where he doesn’t think he’ll say a word ever again.

Amy vanishes, and Jake has to contend with the hot tears that start to roll down his cheeks. He’s in a dark void containing nothing but nothingness, yet the air around him seems to get replaced by freezing lava. He’s so, so cold, yet he feels his entire self melting away, turning to ash. He’s drowning in air, because whatever he’s inhaling feels so unbreathable that it might as well be water.

All of a sudden, the void is replaced by a well-lit stage, and so much light that Jake’s tears evaporate.

Wait, that’s not possible. His tears just sort of disappear, and Jake can feel makeup caked on his face. He’s sitting in an admittedly comfy chair, and sat across from him in a similar chair is Gina. He turns around and realizes that he’s on a raised platform in front of a live studio audience.

“Hello, and welcome to _‘Linetti, Set, Go!’_ , the best damn talk show you’ll ever see in your pathetic lives. Here with me today is my oldest friend, Jake.”

Jake momentarily puts aside his Amy-related woes to be happy for Gina. Being a talk show host is one of her biggest dreams, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t admit how proud as hell he is of her.

“Gina! You did it! This is all so cool,” he marvels.

Gina grins. “I know, I’m living the dream. And as it turns out, you’re living _a_ dream. Says here that today’s sponsor is... Jake’s subconscious! And our job today is to torture you.”

“Say what now?”

Gina waves it off. “Eh, these sponsors ask for weird crap all the time, just forget them.”

Jake nods cautiously, bracing himself, for getting strapped to a table is a very real possibility.

But that’s not the sort of torture Gina’s supposed to wield.

“Anyway, let’s get started,” Gina looks at one of her cue cards. “Says here that you’re in love with Amy Santiago?”

“Yeah,” Jake swallows painfully. “It’s been hell.”

“Sorry, can’t relate,” Gina shrugs. “Rosa and I are doing great. Can you believe that? My psychic told me that in another lifetime, I’d have a kid and Rosa would be dating other people and always realizing she wasn’t truly happy with any of them only after things got serious. What a train wreck, am I right?”

“Mmhm,” says a confused Jake who has no idea what to do with any of this information.

Gina sighs, taking another look at her cue cards. “Okay... so yesterday, you flirted with our waiter and made Amy jealous. She proceeded to kiss you... a lot.”

Jake cracks a smile, seemingly happy about this. “Yeah... that was, that was awesome.”

Gina looks incredulously at him. “Really? Or did it just make you more confused because Amy doesn’t want to be with you, yet won’t let you be with anyone else?”

Jake bites his lip. “Maybe.”

“Because what you really want is to be in a committed, loving relationship with her where neither of you need to be jealous for real because you’re open about your feelings and feel secure about where your place is in each other’s hearts?”

Jake swallows hard. Gina sure knows how to make it hurt. Or... his subconscious knows exactly how much pain he’s in and is making it worse through his oldest friend.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking non stop about why she wouldn’t want that too. Trying to figure out what I don’t have that she wants.”

Gina raises her eyebrow. “Maybe you’re everything she wants, but she just refuses to admit that to herself because she’s scared.”

Jake doesn’t hear Gina, already descending into another pit in his mind to contemplate why he’s not good enough for Amy.

“And she’s shown that she cares about you the same way you care about her, but you keep dwelling on the moments where she’s turned you down. You can’t see the memories where she’s opened up to you the way she never has to anyone else for what they are: proof that she loves you too, even if she doesn’t know it.”

Jake still doesn’t hear her, so completely zoned out in his own thought. Gina rolls her eyes. “Man, you’re not even listening, are you? Guess we broke him, crew. Good job as always, let’s get outta here so this loser can wake up.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0729 HOURS, WAKING UP BECAUSE THE DOORBELL KEEPS RINGING**

Jake drags himself out of bed because he can’t take the constant chimes assailing his ears any longer. He supposes his parents aren’t home, something about visiting a farmer’s market in the morning. He’s still very wary of their renewed relationship. Any second now, Roger will walk out again, and his mom won’t be able to handle it, and she’ll be crushed and heartbroken for years, just like the first time.

He pushes all this aside because it’s too early to think of his broken trust in having a complete family again. A family that’s not broken. Of course, his family is still broken, but Jake doesn’t want to think about this.

He opens the door, completely shocked to see the girl that stands in front of him.

“Sophia?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terry, returning for one (1) scene yet again 
> 
> Yes when Jake and Amy were in the car, they kept looking at each other when the other person was conveniently looking out the window, so it was like this constant game of Jake looking then frowning then turning back then Amy looking then frowning then turning back it’s actually pretty funny when u think about it but also sad as fuck haha ha 
> 
> Also yet again,, Gina Linetti is saving Jake and Amy’s asses (and pretending she doesn’t care about them but really she doesn’t want these idiots to get themselves hurt wow in fanfic we write the Gina Linettis that we deserve) 
> 
> Can u believe I made Jake run into a random dude who just got dumped so that I could make him give Jake condoms so that Jake and Amy could have safe sex this is the dumbest plot device of mine yet rip 
> 
> Also Don’t Let The Penis Balloon Touch The Floor is def a game that everyone should be playing thanks 
> 
> DONT SUE ME FOR THE FOOD SCENE OKAY i just wanted to quote the line “now you’ve completely left out the pancakes and are just eating butter and syrup” “Exactly! I’m cutting out the carbs!!” 
> 
> I hate tiny toothpaste tubes even tho they cute and save the environment I think 
> 
> Yes Jake admitted point blank to Amy that he loves her that’s how broken everything is omg poor Jake gdi he deserves nice things this is all really horrible I feel bad for you guys who don’t know what’s happening next 
> 
> Also yes I made it very explicit that Jake is bi okay Jake is bi Amy is bi Gina is bi Rosa is bi bi bi bi bi 
> 
> Stevie sucks he’s bi but he still kinda sucks in a way and yes he’s Stevie as in Stevie schillins haha if u saw the scene title properly “NINE EGGS” was supposed to be a very forced and horrible pun on “Nine-Eight” I’ll see myself out 
> 
> Also!!! Idk how many of u know but Sophia moved away summer of junior year shortly after dumping Jake and I’m p sure I mentioned that she was no longer in their school??? I think?? In some earlier chapter?? Anyway,,,,, yeah she’s back in their lives,,,,, and none of y’all theorized that so I guess I win better luck next time 
> 
> So,,,, Thoughts? OH ALSO pls don’t be mad at me for Amy keeping secrets from Jake for so long actually in fic timeline it hasn’t been that long at all just like a few days,,, y’all just been suffering WEEKS bc I had to split up the chapter I initially wrote (into three!!!) LMAO anyway toodle oo send me hate or love or both or passive aggressive threats or credit cards


	22. waiting for you, waiting for you

**JAKE’S DOOR, 0733 HOURS, WHAT IN THE FUCK**

“Hey, Jake,” says the girl Jake never thought he’d ever see again.

Sophia had moved away last summer, shortly after breaking up with him... in a pretty cruel fashion. No, she didn’t sword fight him (that would have been an _awesome_ fashion) or spit on him or anything. The knives with which she used to stab him were her cruel words. Jake had been crushed, as she was his first real relationship.

Jake slaps himself across the face, the pain and unchanging scene convincing him that this isn’t yet another one of his crazy, haunting dreams. He regrets slapping himself a second later, since this is all too real, but he blames it on the morning. It’s far too early for him to be conscious, far too early for him to be standing face to face with a ghost from his past.

“Sorry,” Sophia chuckles. “I know it’s early, and that you’re not a fan of being up on a weekend morning. But I just moved back from a completely different time zone, so, you know, it’s barely morning for me anymore.”

“What– what are you doing here?” Jake manages these words in some sort of grumble, rubbing his eyes. Ideally, he would be better dressed and cleaned up for his first meeting with his ex-girlfriend after she dumped him, but at this point, Jake doesn’t expect anything more. Of course he’d meet Sophia for the first time after their breakup looking like an unkempt mess. The universe hates him too much to do otherwise.

“I’m back. Permanently. My dad’s company transferred him back to New York. I’m starting at Brooklyn Academy High tomorrow.”

Jake purses his lips, resisting the urge to exhale because he doesn’t want to worsen his embarrassing state by letting her get a whiff of his morning breath.

“Cool,” he says, head tilted down slightly, before meeting her eyes with a single nod. “Why are you telling me this again? No– more importantly, what I wanna know is... why are you here?”

He looks flabbergasted about all this, but the face Sophia has on has never been more certain.

“Jake... I’m here because I want to get back together with you.”

 

* * *

 

**SOMEWHERE, ???? HOURS, GETTING DUMPED BY SOPHIA! (LAST SUMMER)**

“Look, I’m sorry I tried to suck up to your cheer squad teacher so he’d approve of cheerleaders dating drama club members– how was I supposed to know I’d accidentally expose him for doing cocaine and get him arrested? I mean... why would Mr Hoytsman even need to do cocaine? What’s wrong with his life? He’s a high school teacher earning a... crappy salary. And he’s in charge of the cheer squad. Yeah, okay, I see why he needed an escape. Point is, I didn’t do it on purpose! And now, well, no one’s standing in the way of us, right? So is this really a bad thing?”

Jake says this all earnestly as he chases after a Sophia who speed walks away from him. At his last sentence, she turns around, looking pained.

“Jake... look. The cheer squad teacher disapproving of us was... just an excuse.” There’s something about her, the directness of her tone that he’s always enjoyed, until now. Concise. Brutal. “I don’t want to date you anymore, and I didn’t want to tell you this outright. I was just trying to save you from the pain.”

Jake bites on his lip. “Why don’t you want to date me anymore? What did I do?”

Sophia shrugs. “You didn’t do anything, Jake. I just... I’m... getting kind of bored of us, I guess? I don’t know. I just don’t think I want to force myself to be with you just for the sake of it, does that make sense?”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S DOOR, 0739 HOURS, ????????????**

Jake huffs, looking away from Sophia. Why does the universe love messing with him like this?

“You’re kidding.”

“No, Jake, I’m not. I still have feelings for you, I want to get back together.”

“Forgive me for finding that hard to believe– because the last time I saw you you said you wanted nothing to do with me. If I’m remembering it correctly, our relationship was _boring_ to you?”

Sophia snorts at this. “Jake, you could never be boring. You’re the least boring person I know. I’ve never had more fun than when I was with you.”

Jake is silent for a moment as he hears this. It’s... oddly healing, to hear Sophia say this. But more than anything, Jake is just confused.

“I don’t get it, so... you were lying?”

Sophia seems to get amused by this all over again.

“I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out by now. Jake, I already knew my dad’s company was transferring him, and that I was going to move thousands of miles away. I broke up with you to protect you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m having a lot of trouble understanding this. How was you saying cruel and hurtful things to me supposed to protect me?”

“Well... it was either hurt you and make you angry enough to force you to let go of me, or... subject you to a long distance relationship. I couldn’t bring myself to kill what we had. What we had was too new for long distance.”

Jake’s jaw tightens at this information. It’s a lot to process.

“I... don’t know what to think.”

She nods, understanding his reservations.

“I know, I know. I didn’t mean anything that I said but... I know it still hurt for you to hear. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. Understand me.”

Her hand slides up his chest, and he turns away, leaving the door open which allows Sophia to follow along. She shuts the door behind him.

“I forgive you,” he says, sitting down on his couch. “But I’m not sure... this is what I want.”

She furrows her eyebrows. “Oh. Did... someone beat me to the chase? Is there someone else now?”

 

* * *

**  
**

**SAL’S PIZZA, ???? HOURS, LOOKING FOR JAKE (LAST SUMMER)**

“Uncle Sal? Did you happen to see Jake anywhere?” Amy removes one of her gloves to tuck a stray hair strand behind her ear. “He’s not supposed to be on break anymore. And I’m getting swamped with orders. I can’t do this by myself.”

Uncle Sal makes his way over, taking over from Amy, who had been struggling with pizza dough on her own.

“Think I saw him on a park bench outside. Go call him back, I’ll work on this order.”

Amy smiles. “Thank you.”

Sal is quite possibly the nicest boss Amy has ever had for any summer job. Sure, she was devastated when the stationery store she worked at last summer shut down, leaving her scrambling for any available one. At first, she was skeptical about working with Jake (who claimed it was his displeasure alone since she trespassed into his territory, having worked at Sal’s every summer since he was twelve, training to master the art of pizza making), but his work ethic (or to be more accurate, pizza ethic) over the past few weeks has proven... satisfactory.

Amy hasn’t been left with the burden of doing all the work at all. In fact, she’s never seen anyone make pizza dough as fast or well as Jake. His hands... his arms... the way they work on dough so deft and fast and skilled has her mesmerized at times. But she swears it’s not attraction, it’s admiration of his talents. Amy wants to be just as good (or even better) at making pizzas as Jake is, but knows his years of experience gives him an upper hand.

Point is, Jake’s been a more than capable coworker in the time that Amy’s worked with him, and their relationship has actually improved this summer. He’s been pretty nice to Amy, ever since things between her and Teddy ended. He defended her when the latter started spreading nasty rumors about her in anger, and was just a great friend in general. Sure, Amy’s been a bit hard on him, a bit cold to him ever since he started going out with Sophia, but that’s only because she doesn’t think Sophia’s a right fit for him. Amy doesn’t like Jake or anything; friendship is the furthest their relationship will ever get.

She recalls his crazy plan to get Sophia back a few days ago, and their last interaction earlier today, in which he said he was going to go after Sophia because he was convinced he could turn things around.

Amy braces herself for Jake and Sophia making out on whatever park bench she’s going to find them on. Of course, she doesn’t doubt at all that Jake’s plan to get Sophia back worked. She’s largely indifferent to it, but she’s well aware that Jake has charms that draw in men and women alike. He’s good looking, he’s sweet and funny, plus he says things that could make most people blush if directed at them.

But then Amy turns out to be wrong, when she sees Jake sitting alone on a park bench, hands gripping tightly on the wood, tears streaming down his face as he stares at the ground. Amy stops short in her tracks, unable to believe what she’s seeing.

Before she can contemplate a proper plan of action, her legs scurry towards Jake on instinct.

“Jake, what happened?”

She settles down on the bench next to him, and a mixture of fear and panic momentarily flashes through his eyes.

“You– you weren’t supposed to see me like this,” he quickly wipes away his tears, embarrassed. He had initially planned on crying in the bathroom, but he didn’t want Amy to know. They’re on much better terms these days, but not at the stage where he’s okay with her knowing that he cried.

“Well then you shouldn’t have slacked off work, so I wouldn’t have gone looking for you,” she says with the intention of making light of the situation.

He cracks a smile for her benefit. “I thought you would assume I was just being the bad boy that I am.”

“Oh, you’re bad alright. But you love pizza more than anything.”

“Not true–“ he juts his finger out–“don’t forget about pizza bagels.”

She chuckles in spite of herself. “How could I ever forget? You eat those by the dozen.”

There’s a bit of silence after they laugh at that. As Amy’s about to clarify that Jake eating a dozen pizza bagels at once was an exaggeration (even though it’s really not an exaggeration), Jake speaks up.

“Amy... do you think I’m boring?”

Amy looks like he’s just asked the most ridiculous question in the world. More ridiculous than anything he’s ever said. More ridiculous than even the time he said nuts had zero fat. And genuinely believed it.

“Jake... you’re the least boring person I know. And I mean that in both the best and worst possible way.”

This makes Jake blush a little. He wipes a tear from his face. He’s stopped crying, actually.

“I mean...” Amy continues. “If we went up to people together, I’m pretty certain most would say that you’re the fun one. And I would be... boring in comparison.”

Jake looks mildly peeved about this. “Amy, you’re not boring at all.”

She snorts. “Yeah, yeah. You don’t believe that.”

“No, I’m serious. Sure, you disapprove of most of the things I do, but half the fun of hanging out with you is convincing you to join me. You never fail to surprise me, it’s... something I really like about you.”

Amy smiles, running her fingers through her hair. “Guess we’re both very interesting people.”

“Yeah.” Jake looks downtrodden again. “I think when I asked if I was boring, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant... if dating me would be boring.”

Amy feels her heart stop for a second. “Jake, what did she say to you?”

She feels herself go livid, but suppresses her anger because her anger is not what Jake needs right now.

“That she was sick of me? That dating me was boring and–“

He bites hard on his lip, but fails to stop tears from falling again. Amy immediately throws her arms around him, burying his head in her chest as he sobs gently into it. She strokes his back as a comforting act, and contemplates giving him a kiss on the head to soothe him. She quickly decides against it.

“Well, whatever else she said to you, she’s wrong about it all. She doesn’t deserve you, Jake.” Amy says with the utmost conviction. “You’ll find someone much more deserving of you. Someone who’ll appreciate you more.”

Jake sits up, head no longer comfortably resting on Amy’s chest. He looks at her in the most vulnerable way; her arms are still wrapped around him. “Would you date me?”

“Jake, I–“

He shakes his head. “Never mind, sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m still uh– hurting.”

Amy nods. “It’s fine. Maybe I can help cheer you up– wanna grab some pizza?”

Jake’s eyes light up. “Amy, no way, are you actually offering to sneakily eat pizza at Sal’s Pizza with me?”

Jake has a habit of grabbing slices of pizza in the display counter when he gets hungry during work. He always gets caught by Amy, and she always looks like she’s witnessing a crime akin to that of a murder when she sees him sneak entire slices of pizza into his mouth. It only ever spurs him on, causes him to make a show of his misdemeanor; smacking his lips and moaning in delight at his food. The only problem is that Sal has absolutely no issue with it– Jake only ever eats room-temperature pizza that customers won’t buy anyway. Sal’s Pizza isn’t the most popular pizza joint in town, so why let food go to waste, right?

Amy takes a deep breath. “After we finish all the orders we’ve just gotten. You and I have a few pizzas to make.”

Jake gets up, looking determined. “Anything to see you eat pizzas you’re not supposed to. This was my plan the entire time, by the way, I only cried so that you’d agree to swipe pizza to eat with me.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Sure, Jake.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S COUCH, 0744 HOURS, SECRETLY REMINISCING MEMORIES FROM LAST SUMMER**

They don’t talk about working at Sal’s last summer that much. After all, what would be the point of mentioning it when they tend to have a million and one other much more pressing concerns to discuss whenever they’re together?

Still, that doesn’t mean Jake didn’t love his time spent with Amy over the summer, getting into flour fights and stealing touches (also stealing pizzas, don’t tell Sal, even though he’s okay with it). Perhaps, in some odd sense, Jake might have already developed feelings for Amy way back then. They were just too quiet, too easy to live with, for him to know.

The only problem is that– _because_ Jake didn’t know, and also because he was an (even bigger) idiot with managing his feelings back then, his crush on Amy manifested in incessant teasing. There were more jokes at her expense, more digs than she was fine with, and it made Amy think that Jake was healing from his break up by taking it out on her. Animosity developed between them again, and they started senior year less amicable than they had ended junior year.

It took many, many kisses for Jake to realize what he felt for Amy was not what he would normally feel for someone who was supposedly just his “friend” at all. And now... he’s in love with her.

But he can’t have her. He can’t be with her. So... regarding Sophia’s question...

“No,” he shakes his head. “There’s no one. I’m single right now.”

Sophia smiles. “Great.”

“But– that doesn’t mean I want to get back together with you. I still– I still need some time to think. I’m not sure if I still have feelings for you.”

“Okay, sure.” Sophia stands up. “Take your time. I hope you come around– we were great together. We could be great again.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0429 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#4: WORKING AT SAL’S PIZZA WITH AMY)**

“Boop,” Jake says in a moment of boredom, catching Amy’s attention. All she felt was his finger on her arm.

“What did you do?” She narrows her eyes at him.

Jake snickers to himself. “Check your sleeve.”

Amy lifts up the short sleeve of the Sal’s Pizza uniform, only to find that Jake’s touched her with some flour, and now it’s on her arm. “Jake!”

She tries to wipe it off, but forgets that she’s still got her flour-covered glove on, making the situation worse. He can’t help but laugh at her, she’s too cute.

“Just leave it there,” he says, despite knowing that this is something Amy would never do.

“That’s unprofessional, Jake. I can’t let customers see flour all over me. It’s going to come across as unhygienic and a turn off.”

She walks over to the sink, and after wetting a kitchen towel, uses it to wipe the flour off. She then dries her arm off with another kitchen towel. Throughout all this, Jake admires how nice Amy’s arms look.

“But I’m covered in flour too.”

Amy gives him a pointed once-over. “Exactly. _You’re_ unhygienic and a turn off.”

“ _You’re unhygienic and a turn off,_ title of your sex tape?”

Amy frowns at this. “That wasn’t even a good one.”

“True. But we’re at work, honey, I can’t think of sex tape jokes for you all day. We have to focus, my darling work wife.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Okay, first of all–“

Jake snickers at this. He loves riling her up. “What is it, my _flour?_ ”

She huffs in frustration at the weird attempt to use ‘flour’ as a term of endearment. “I am not your work wife. We happen to work together in the same job. That doesn’t mean we are now married.”

“Aww, it doesn’t?” He says this in mock disappointment.

“Second of all– you know I don’t even like those sex tape jokes.”

He leans against the counter, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Sure.”

“I really don’t, Jake– they largely insinuate that I’m either bad at sex, have bad sexual partners, or am a huge prude.”

Jake lifts an eyebrow. “So are you saying you’re really good at sex?”

Amy goes incredibly red at this. “Shut up, I’m saying you’re being condescending– and that there’s nothing wrong with being a prude.”

Jake nods. “True. But they’re really fun jokes.”

Amy sighs. “Fine. Lastly– how was you staining my arm with flour an example of staying focused at work? I’m trying to get this batch of pizza dough right, and you’re really not helping matters.”

Jake walks up to Amy and her unfinished pizza dough. “Then let me help you with that. Show you how to knead just right.”

At the back of his mind, Jake knows that he’s dreaming of a memory. A really good one at that, because he loved putting his hands all over Amy’s over the summer, and he loved flirting with her behind the counter. But because his dreams hate him so much recently, Jake braces himself for this treasured memory to get twisted into something ugly, into something that’s going to hurt.

Jake’s hands slide down Amy’s arms, making her eyes shut. She pushes him away, which is exactly what she did in reality last summer. She had told him to stop messing around and they laughed before getting back to work, Jake giving Amy a less touchy lesson on how to make pizza dough.

In this dream, however, Amy’s eyes have this anger in them, which is when Jake knows that he’s deviated from the memory, and is now going to feel pain.

“Get your hands off me, you worthless piece of–“

He cuts her off with a hug, surprising this nightmarish version of Amy, as well as himself. Usually, he’s too scared to even move, too scared to even breathe. Yet, here he is, holding a quiet Amy Santiago, his chest rising and falling against hers.

Although initially stunned into a silence, Amy seems to come to her senses now, pushing Jake away from her, even though he still remains close enough such that his arms continue to encircle her waist.

“What the hell was that? I was–“

“You were going to say hurtful things to me and call me names, yeah, I know.” His eyes glaze over with emotion as he takes her in. “But I don’t care about any of that. You can say whatever you want to me, I’ll still love you. I’ll always love you.”

Amy looks very confused, like she’s performing for a play that she’s rehearsed for hundreds of times, only for her costar to be pulling out-of-this-world improvisations that she can’t make sense of. Yet, somehow, his words are having this odd effect on her. He seems so strong somehow, so infallible. Unbreakable. He sees through her now, and he’s not buckling over or breaking down like he used to. Previously cold and unfeeling, now vulnerability spills over her, clearly displayed on her face.

“You’ll always love me? But why? I’ve been hurting you, and I intend to keep hurting you. You shouldn’t love me, you need to stop.”

“I can’t. And I won’t.” He takes in a pained breath, hand sliding up to cup Amy’s face. “Also... I think I’ve been hurting enough now. I need to heal, I need you.”

Slowly, Jake leans in and Amy meets his lips halfway in a restoring kiss that they both give their all into. He kisses her like she is his air; he’s breathing her in for the first time, and the joy he gets at this is unbeatable and spreads across his face in a wide, loving smile.

As the kiss picks up speed and momentum, Jake begins to undo Amy’s uniform, filled with a confidence that he’s never had in his nightmares. He exhales breathlessly at her state of undress, seeing her clad in lace, because he’s summoned the power to have her look like that, probably. Sinfully hot is how he would describe the red lace that she has on; he doesn’t want to take it off because she looks so perfect dressed up all sexy for him.

What he does, however, is stick his hand into her underwear and trace slow circles, getting her pressing into his touch, grabbing onto his arms as she moans a fool out of herself.

“Oh Jake, please, I–“

“I want to do filthy, filthy things to you,” Jake whispers into Amy’s neck, fingers hastily undoing her bra as he keeps rubbing against her at that agonizingly slow pace. “You’ll let me, won’t you, babe?”

She nods so readily, her eyes shut, aching for him, for anything he can do to her. Completely giving up on torturing Jake, now she wants Jake to torture her.

With a satisfied chuckle, Jake proceeds to push Amy onto the counter. Everything they proceed to do can only be described as very unprofessional and unhygienic (albeit a total turn on), but hey, it’s Jake’s dream.

And now, he’s taking control of all of them.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0536 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

Sirens are going off in the headquarters, Gina clapping her hands purposefully to get everyone settled to discuss what the hell just went down.

“Everyone, what the hell was that?” She crosses her arms, settling in a large chair. She’s in charge of running everything, obviously, which is odd given how she should have no business wanting to cause Jake painful nightmares. But then again, she’s in charge everywhere, in every universe, at any given time. So just go along with it, okay?

“They went completely off script,” says Nightmare Scriptwriter Jake. There is a lanyard attached to his pen around his neck, which is a completely insignificant detail to mention. “Jake was supposed to cry into pizza dough as Nightmare Amy laughed and left. And well– I do have to say, what actually ended up happening was kind of hot, plus the repeated break up scenes are getting kind of overdone... but yeah. They went off script.”

“Well, then you better explain yourself to Mastermind Jake,” Gina says with a disapproving shake of her head.

“Hi!” Greets Mastermind Jake. “I hate myself!”

“Don’t let his smile fool you, he wants Jake to have horrible torturous dreams to punish himself because he’s still convinced it’s his fault that Amy left.”

“I deserve to suffer!” Mastermind Jake continues on with a forced smile.

“Me? Explain myself? Hey, it’s not my fault the dream went off script, just ask Nightmare Amy!”

Nightmare Amy walks in then, mildly embarrassed about what just went down, her clothes hastily put on, every Jake in the room looking dazzled by her entrance anyway.

 _“You’re so pretty,”_ they all say in unison, causing Gina to groan.

“Ugh, Jakes. Can’t believe this is the sort of crap I have to deal with. Anyway, Nightmare Amy– what the hell was going on back there? You’re usually so good at being unfeeling and hurtful, what happened?”

“It’s not my fault! How was I supposed to know he’d hug me and confess his undying love? He usually snaps the second I act disgusted about him loving me, or starts crying when I say I don’t love him, but this time, it’s like he didn’t care! He just didn’t care about anything I was going to say, he just wanted to love me. And that’s just so– sweet, I guess? I don’t know, and more importantly, he started touching me, and I know it’s literally my job to torture him, but can you really blame me for hooking up with him? At the end of the day, I’m still an Amy, and he’s still a Jake! Resisting his charms is not in my nature! He’s hot, okay? Leave me alone!”

“God,” Sex Dream Jake remarks with an entrancing gaze. “Jake is so lucky. I wanna fuck you so bad, Ames.”

Nightmare Amy shivers as she leers at Sex Dream Jake. He’s incredibly alluring, and she’s charmed beyond belief. Also, he has abs, and that never hurts.

Gina smacks Sex Dream Jake at the back of his neck. “Stop messing around, you pervert. You think you’re special? All Jakes want to have sex with Amy. You think you aren’t easily replaceable? Anyone could take your spot in a sex dream, so behave.”

“What does it matter? I’m never allowed to be in sex dreams anymore, anyway, since we started this nightmare crap. Why did Amy have to dump us? I’m sick of this bullshit, I just want to have hot, steamy sex in sex dreams! Let me live!”

Sex Dream Jake storms out, presumably to find Sex Dream Amy. They’ve kept him away from her for too long, and he’s determined to find her no matter what. It’s a riveting storyline that absolutely no one has time for.

“Anyway, can anyone tell me what the hell is up with Nightmare Jake? What’s up with the sudden confidence and taking charge of his dreams?”

Current Events Jake raises his hand. “I heard Sophia’s back. And wants to get back together with us. Maybe... certain things she said to him made him feel better and more confident? Willing to be happy somehow?”

Fun but irrelevant fact: Current Events Jake is boning Sex Dream Amy. He’s cute and is the only one who wears glasses, so, girl is weak for him and doesn’t care that she’s not allowed to see Sex Dream Jake.

Meanwhile, all the other Jakes are thrown off by Sophia’s return to their lives, making Nightmare Amy jealous as she wants their attention.

“Hey, who wants to have sex with me?”

All the Jakes raise their hands and follow Nightmare Amy out the room, which Gina can only sigh at because trying to carry on this meeting after that fact would be a lost cause.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0812 HOURS, JAKE’S LOCKER**

Jake oddly wakes up fresh and relaxed the morning after his encounter with Sophia. Maybe something about her retracting all the hurtful things she said to him and the wanting to date him again thing gave him an ego boost. Said ego boost resulted in a supposed nightmare morphing into a sex dream. Which morphed into another sex dream. Man, those were some good dreams.

Jake sighs at the thought that every single one of those dreams starred Amy having hot sex with him in every depraved way possible. Which is probably an indication that he should not date Sophia. Given that he’s still stupidly in love with Amy.

Which, well, he shouldn’t be. He should technically not be in love with Amy. This... kissing thing that started between them? It’s only gone on for a few months, and things really only got super intense between them less than a month ago. Sure, it feels like it’s been going on forever, but in actuality it’s Jake’s shortest relationship ever. Six days, was it? Man, that should be nothing. But it sadly feels like it had been much, much more.

If that weren’t bad enough, Amy consumes Jake’s thoughts. He’s thinking about her all the time, it’s so hard to focus on anything (although, it’s not like he’s the king of focus). So convincing himself that he’s not in love with Amy is out of the question.

As his mind races through all these thoughts, Jake’s at his locker, getting his stuff (or at least, trying to look for relevant lesson materials) for first period. He expects a long and dreary day ahead, with nothing significant happening to him throughout the school day.

This is a conclusion he has to quickly retract, because as he slams his locker shut, he’s very quickly shoved against it, a kiss forcefully pressing against his lips.

These lips belong to none other than Sophia Perez. Who kisses him at the speed of light, in the fastest way imaginable. Seriously, it’s really fast, like a confusing kind of fast.

Jake quickly tries to recall if Sophia’s ever kissed him so fast. Was she always a fast kisser, and he just never seemed to notice? Did she pick up some speed in her time away? Or is Jake just so used to Amy’s pace, Amy’s lips, Amy’s usage of tongue, Amy’s tenderness, Amy’s–

He’s getting off topic again. Anyway, Sophia’s kissing him really fast out of nowhere, doesn’t seem to be noticing that Jake’s not even kissing her back, but at the rate she’s going, she probably doesn’t have the capacity to feel out a response.

The kissing ends as quickly as it begins, thankfully, and unlike his thoughts about it, the lip locking is brief and stops rather quickly. However, it lasts long enough for way too many people to notice, and as Sophia steps back away from him, Jake has to deal with all the stares, whispers, whipping out of phones to snap pictures, and Amy’s face, looking scarred and hurt next to her locker. Oh god.

He resists the urge to push Sophia away and run to Amy and apologize profusely. Amy has repeatedly denied his requests to deepen their relationship, i.e. she is not his girlfriend, so she has no say in whoever he chooses to kiss (or in this case, whoever kisses him out of the blue).

Their accidental eye contact has Amy skulking off to her class, and Jake decides the rational thing to do is not to chase after her, but rather deal with Sophia, who’s standing right in front of him.

“Um, hi, why– why did you kiss me?”

Sophia crosses her arms. “Didn’t like it?”

Well. He didn’t _love_ it, per se, but he can’t go telling her that.

“I mean, I didn’t hate it, but, I thought I said I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to date you yet.”

Sophia grins at him for this. “I don’t have to date you to be allowed to kiss you, do I?”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0820 HOURS, FIRST PERIOD WITH JAKE AND GINA!**

Jake is greeted by a slap to the face when he gets to his and Gina’s shared desk.

“Jake, what the hell! You _kissed_ Sophia Perez?”

He rubs his cheek in pain, settling in his chair. “More like she kissed me!”

“What the hell is going on? I thought you were in love with Amy!”

“I _am_ in love with Amy!”

Gina whispers her words, something which cannot be said the same for Jake, who often has trouble gauging how loud his voice is. His ability to project is great for theatre, but perhaps, not optimal for secret talks in the classroom.

Their teacher turns around from the whiteboard to give him a pointed look.

“Peralta, perhaps it would be best if you kept your declarations of love to yourself?”

Everyone sniggers at this, including Gina, and it’s all very embarrassing for Jake who’s trying to save his skin.

“Um, sure teach. For the record though– I’m talking about Amy... _Winehouse_. Amazingly talented singer who is sadly deceased. So this is all a huge bummer for me.”

“No one believes you.”

“Whatever, snitches get stitches! Also if any of you tell on me I’ll get Rosa Diaz to come after you. She owes me one.”

This seems to be an effective threat, and the commotion over Jake’s love life dies down again.

“Anyway,” Gina says in a whisper when their teacher turns their back once more. “There’s no way you’re dating Sophia Perez, Jake. Not again. It’s worse this time, since we have the school production coming up.”

“Why not? We’re going to kill it anyway. We always have a full house. She’s not going to distract me, even if I wanted to date her. Which I’m not sure about yet.”

“We have a lot of crap to do besides the production, Jake. Don’t forget the youth arts festival.”

“Amy and I are pros. We’re gonna kill it.”

“Yeah, and what about our ongoing feud with the band? We haven’t done anything to get revenge yet.”

Jake props his elbow on the desk and offers Gina an incredulous look. “No way, you’re not telling me you don’t already have a revenge plan.”

Gina bites her lip. “Okay fine, I may have... already started revenge. Sort of. It’s more of my retirement plan, actually.”

Jake chortles slightly. “Your retirement plan?”

“Yeah. Who’s going to manage the club when I’m gone and graduated?” She huffs. “None of the juniors will be able to do it. None of them have the skills or the backbone to protect the high standing reputation we’ve built all these years.”

“By reputation, I think you mean people won’t be scared of us anymore?”

Gina gestures to Jake at this. “Exactly. What’s the point of life if people aren’t terrified of you? Besides, while McGintley is perfect for pushing around so I can do whatever I want now, I can’t count on him to keep the club in check. He’s a useless sack of nothing, Jake. The drama club will be doomed if he’s left in charge without me secretly running things.”

Jake leans back in his seat, grinning at his oldest friend. “Aww, Gina Linetti, I can’t believe you care about the club!”

She rolls her eyes, but there’s a slight blush on her cheeks. “Shut up. I don’t care, I just don’t want to see everything I’ve built go to crap once I’m not there running it. What will it say about me?”

Jake goes along with this for her ego’s sake. “Fine, fine. So what’s your revenge plan against the band slash retirement plan?”

“We’re assigning Mr McGintley to the band as their teacher in charge. And getting a new teacher. Specifically– Mr Kevin Cozner.”

Jake’s eyes widen at this. “Mr Kevin Cozner? As in, Director Holt’s husband?”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0923 HOURS, WALKING THROUGH THE HALLWAYS**

Amy has to admit, she hasn’t been able to focus all day (all day is relative, technically, she’s only attended one class and is on her way to second period). A first, honestly. She’s always sharper than ever in school. But today, she hasn’t so much as answered a question in class. She’s not being herself.

Obviously, she knows exactly why. She saw Jake kissing Sophia against his locker. From where she was standing, it looked like a rather enthusiastic kiss. That went on for ages.

Has he moved on already? Not like it’s her business, but Jake did repeatedly claim to be in love with her. How could he already be dating his... ex girlfriend, of all people?! Which brings Amy to the bigger issue– when did she come back? Didn’t she move away indefinitely after cruelly dumping Jake last summer?

Well, Amy shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Sure, Sophia said rude and hurtful things to Jake, but Amy lied to Jake about how she felt, and gave him false hope only to reject his requests for a relationship multiple times.

So... they’re on par, really.

As Amy continues to be consumed by the events of this morning, as well as her own jealousy (to the point where she doesn’t even know what class she has next), she bumps into someone familiar. Two someones. They’re familiar in a _familial_ sense, get it?

Okay, so, it’s Louie and Luis.

“Amy, don’t worry,” Louie tells her offhandedly, like it’s a normal thing to say to your sister when you bump into her in the school corridor. “We took care of it.”

“Took care of what?” Amy asks apprehensively. She’s already not liking the sound of this.

“We got revenge on that cheating bastard for you. We put a firecracker in his locker.”

“What?!” Amy looks very panicked at this.

“Okay, so it’s not a firecracker.”

“It’s this...” Luis scratches his head. “This exploding packet we like to play with. If you step on it, some chemical reaction happens inside the packet and it expands and then it explodes and makes this scary noise. We put it in his locker in hopes that it’ll accidentally slip on the floor, he’ll step on it, and then scare himself.”

Louie shakes his head. “Now that we think about it, not our best plan.”

“You think?” Amy says with disbelief, staring at them. “That’s a horrible thing to do, what if Jake hurts himself because of that?”

“Hey, at least there’s a large chance our plan won’t work! Diego’s the one who wants to fight Jake during lunch.”

“What?!” Amy exclaims. Oh god, this is all getting out of hand very fast. She needs to text Diego quick.

“Why do you care? He cheated on you with that cheerleader!”

Amy takes a deep breath. “You two... okay. Look– I broke up with Jake.”

“What? Why?”

“You are no longer my sister. I am _disowning_ you.”

She takes a deep breath. “Look, it’s complicated, alright? But more importantly, how did the two of you know I was with Jake at all?”

Louie and Luis give each other a look.

“Never mind, forget I asked.”

“Oh, now that you say that, we’re definitely telling you.”

“We heard some bits of the sex. It was scarring but we are sex positive and also we both have really good noise cancelling headphones. And aside from that, we saw you holding his hand a lot. And also kissing him.”

Louie and Luis live on the same floor as Amy, so despite how much she hates the fact that they know so much, she doesn’t question this. She also doesn’t question how Louie and Luis saw her kissing Jake or holding his hand. She thinks it’s better if she never knows how they know all the things they do.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0934 HOURS, BREAKING INTO JAKE’S LOCKER**

Yes, Amy’s well aware that she’s late for class and doing something very much against the rules. But she can’t let Louie and Luis’s prank on Jake hurt him in any way. Besides, she didn’t even take that long to figure out the password combination on Jake’s locker, since the school lets them set their own passcode, Jake’s is very much guessable.

Amy quickly locates the packet explosive in Jake’s locker and retrieves it, shutting his locker and locking it back up again.

She’s about to leave when she feels herself get slammed back into the locker, Jake’s hands holding her hips against the cool metal. She gulps at being caught, hands involuntarily going up as if in surrender.

“Uh... hi Jake.” She gulps shakily at his gaze, warning herself not to fall into it. Jake has a girlfriend now, who she just saw kissing Jake this morning. “Do you really have to hold me like that? We’re in... we’re in public.”

He grins at her. “This is how I hold all thieves that break into my locker. Also, are we _really_ in public if there’s no one around here?”

He’s right. The hallways are empty, which is why Amy chose to break into Jake’s locker during this moment.

“I... Uh...”

“I’ll answer that for you. It’s not. We’re alone now, because everyone is in class– and you’re late.” His hands have somehow moved from her waist to her wrists, holding them against his locker. But her heart is too busy pumping for her to care. “Why would you be breaking into my locker instead of studying? Miss me that much?”

Amy feigns annoyance, even though her pulse is very clearly racing for Jake. “First of all, I barely broke into your locker. I guessed ‘6969’ on my first try.”

“Right. 9th June, 1969. Day my mother was born.”

“Not true.”

“Day of the moon landing?”

“Even less true.”

“Fine,” he relents. “You got me. It’s a completely random number. You wanna know why I like that number so much, Ames?”

“Because you’re incredibly immature?”

“True,” he assents. “But also–“ he leans in to whisper into her ear–“it’s what I wish we were doing right now.”

With an exasperated breath, Amy rolls her eyes, causing Jake to chuckle deeply because that eye roll of hers was his intended reaction. But it’s his laugh that gets her. Soon, he realizes how she’s staring at him, and his laughter dies down, slowing until he’s just staring back at her, carefully licking his lips. They don’t say a word, but both Jake and Amy know what they want, and they know that the other wants it too.

A dam Amy didn’t even know existed inside her breaks and she surges forth to meet Jake in a passionate and aggressive kiss. It’s a relief the packet explosive remains intact during this. And that they don’t get caught, because their kiss goes on for an unnecessarily long time, and the way they’re kissing could probably get them a trip to the principal’s office again and then some.

“God, that was so good,” Jake pants when they finally break apart, Amy breathing on his neck feeling sensational. “That was– that was everything.”

“I suppose this means you don’t have a girlfriend then?”

“Well, how am I supposed to have a girlfriend if you keep turning me down?”

He says his words playfully, but they still end up cutting quite deep.

“I was... I was talking about Sophia. Who kissed you this morning.” She lifts up the packet explosive. “It’s the reason why my brothers put this in your locker, by the way. They thought you cheated on me, which I’ve since cleared up.”

“You were trying to protect me?”

Amy looks down almost shyly. “Kind of?”

He gives her a kiss to her neck and she shuts her eyes. “My life saver.”

“It’s...” she bites her lip. “Not that big a deal. This isn’t very dangerous.” He takes it from her hands and inspects it. “You step on this and then it explodes with a loud noise because of a chemical–“

“ _Score_.” He pockets it with wide, excited eyes. “And about the Sophia thing... don’t you know by now that I have a track record of kissing girls who refuse to date me?”

Amy’s mouth falls open and no words come out.

“Kidding. She wants to date the crap out of me. Long story. Anyway, I don’t think I should keep you away from class any longer,” he gestures for her to move away from his locker. “I was only out here to get one book, anyway.”

Amy badly wants to ditch class altogether and go some place quiet with Jake. Some place where they can be alone. Which is crazy. Jake has a terrifying influence on her, and he doesn’t even need to suggest things for her to want to do them.

Who knows how far off the bandwagon she might fall if she actually dated Jake?

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0946 HOURS, SECOND PERIOD WITH AMY AND ROSA!**

“I can’t believe you kissed Jake,” Rosa says with a shake of her head. “I thought you would’ve been all weird about him kissing Sophia and like, avoid him for days. Then cave and kiss him anyway. Provided he hasn’t given up to date Sophia by then.”

Amy frowns at the prospect of Jake dating Sophia. She knows it’s her fault Jake’s in this position at all, but it’s not like she doesn’t want to date Jake. She just can’t date Jake, it would be against the rules. And sure, she’s broken plenty of rules in the past few weeks with Jake, but this is the rule that she just can’t break. A line that, she still can’t bear to cross.

“I can’t believe it took you only five seconds of seeing me to figure that out.”

Every word of Amy’s sentence is completely accurate. She hadn’t even pulled out her chair when Rosa got a good look at her face and went “you kissed Jake, didn’t you?”, prompting Amy to blush very heavily and confess in a small voice that Rosa’s suspicions were true.

“You know what else I can’t believe?” Rosa crosses her arms. “That you haven’t told Jake why things ended. Or haven’t began. He’s been weirdly off since lunch the other day and on the way back home too. Felt like he was trying to compensate or something, like he was trying too hard to seem happy.”

Amy bites hard on her lip. “I didn’t tell Jake that Holt doesn’t think co-stars should date because– I was afraid he’d try to pull something and Holt would find out about everything.”

Rosa raises her eyebrows. “So what you’re saying is that– you don’t trust Jake.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust him– it’s just. You know him– he gets passionate and worked up and he always thinks there’s something he can do to change the way things are...”

“True. But also, he cares about you. He wouldn’t say a thing if you told him not to.” Rosa peers at Amy carefully, who only looks hesitant. “You... still don’t want to tell him. You know what I think this is about? You trust Jake about the small stuff, but not with the big things.”

Amy purses her lips. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think I trust him with the big things. The important things. Not yet, anyway. Which is why I shouldn’t rush into anything with Jake, right?”

“Why can’t you just tell Jake you only want to start dating after the production ends?”

“Yeah, I thought about that–“

(Note: she didn’t really.)

“–but it’s not just what Holt said. It’s the logic _behind_ what he said.” Amy props her head on the desk. “What if things aren’t as deep as I thought they were? I don’t want to screw up what I have with Jake by dating him.”

“You’re overthinking things.”

“I know. That’s the way I am. That’s the way I’ve always been.”

Rosa sighs, giving up. She knows she’ll never convince Amy to change her mind. If Jake failed to do that multiple times, who is she to think that she’ll succeed?

“Fine. Don’t date Jake. No one’s forcing you into anything, it’s your choice. But– if Jake decides to date someone else, you can’t stand in his way. Or keep messing with his head.”

Amy looks almost offended at this. “Who said I was going to stand in his way of dating anyone?”

Rosa huffs. “You’re kidding me, right? You saw Jake and Sophia kissing–“

“Correction. Sophia kissed Jake, it all just happened too fast for Jake to decide whether he even wanted it,” Amy says, frowning after this, because of Sophia’s ill-advised behavior. “He told me that on the way back to our respective classes.”

Rosa looks mildly concerned about Jake not getting a chance to give consent, but that’s not up to her to determine, and Amy isn’t the most reliable source for spotting who Jake wants to kiss. She barely knew he wanted to kiss her for the longest time. Heck, even Jake himself didn’t know he wanted to kiss Amy for the longest time too. Until they did, and then they kissed too much, and well... now everything is a mess. “Okay, yeah, and why were you with Jake again?”

“Because I was breaking into his locker to fix a prank my brothers pulled on him?”

“Yeah. And then you kissed him– which brings me to my point. You kissed Jake less than two hours after Sophia kissed him. How’s that not standing in the way of anything?”

“It’s not!” Amy insists. “Jake kissed me– I mean– it was... it was mutual!”

This gets Rosa scoffing, before she regards Amy with a serious look. “Either date him, or let him go. If Jake thinks he has a chance with you at all, he’ll wait around forever. You’re breaking his heart, Amy. And breaking your own.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1029 HOURS, THIRD PERIOD WITH GINA AND AMY!**

“You kissed Jake,” Gina says, almost like a passing observation when she arrives in class and takes her seat next to Amy.

A groan rolls out from Amy as she buries her head in her hands. “Do I have ‘I kissed Jake Peralta’ tattooed on my forehead or something?”

“No, I only know you kissed Jake because Rosa texted me, you dolt. Although, you should totally get that tattoo. Jake would eat it up. And I would have fun laughing at you.”

Amy squints her eyes at Gina for this. “No, I think I’m good, thanks.”

“You sure about that, Amy?” Gina grins. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“Well, I don’t. And since we’re on the topic, I suppose Rosa also told you to convince me to either date Jake or let him date someone else?”

Gina puts her hand up to stop Amy. “No, I didn’t. But I’m not gonna waste my breath on that. You do you. I have theatre stuff to tell you about.”

Amy’s eyes enlarge with excitement and pure glee. “Really? But you never discuss theatre matters with me!”

“Guess I thought it was about time, kiddo. Okay, so get this: how would you like it if Mr McGintley was no longer the teacher in charge of drama club?”

Amy looks like she’s just been handed the greatest gift of all. “Go on.”

“And... was replaced by Mr Cozner?”

Gina’s not even surprised by the way Amy’s voice screeches at this. Mr Kevin Cozner is Amy’s favorite teacher in the entire school. He teaches English Literature, which Amy and Gina both take. In fact, they’re in his class right now. Gina loves Mr Cozner (who she referred to by only his first name once without any scorn in his response, leading her to believe she’s his favorite), but Amy worships the man. The only person Amy worships more than Mr Cozner would have to be his husband, Director Raymond Holt.

“Oh my god, is that really happening? Gina, please tell me that’s happening.”

Gina flashes a charming smile at Amy. “Oh, I can make it happen. But... if you want Mr McGintley to be replaced by Mr Cozner, then it’s gonna cost you.”

“Me?” Amy says incredulously. “Why would it cost me? Wouldn’t it be beneficial for the whole club?” Gina keeps mum for a moment and Amy cracks. “Okay fine, what do I have to do?”

Gina shrugs at this. “I don’t know, what do you have to offer? You know I like it when you do stuff you’re not supposed to so... we have a range of options here. Hmm, you could get a tattoo, or... operate a helicopter, or... date Jake...”

“Gina, are you trying to bribe me to date Jake?”

Gina scoffs at this. “What? You actually think–“ she slides a five dollar note across the table–“I’d bribe you to date my oldest friend so he’s not super sad?”

Amy sighs. “Look Gina, I get it. I care about–“

“Oh, who am I kidding!” Gina snatches the five dollar note (which Amy never touched by the way!) back and pockets it. “Jake isn’t worth this money, I earned this from betting on stuff! It’s not my fault that he can’t keep you locked down.”

Amy doesn’t know how to respond to this, and things remain silent for a while.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1034 HOURS, THIRD PERIOD WITH JAKE AND ROSA!**

“Babe, like I told you–“ Rosa shakes her head as she talks on the phone–“bribing Amy is not going to work. She’s not going to date Jake just because you gave– wait. You didn’t even give her the five dollars?”

A very confused Jake sits next to Rosa as this all unfolds.

“I guess we’ll never know if it would have worked then. But no, I never thought bribery was going to work. And no, you cannot use my money to bribe Amy. Babe.” She rolls her eyes, but under that sits the most adoring smile Jake has seen Rosa crack all week. Hell, all month. Maybe... even all year? “Babe, we have class. Yeah, I don’t care either, but we gotta at least pretend to give a crap, right? Love you too. Yes, I’ll buy you lunch. I’m hanging up on you now.”

Rosa stuffs her phone somewhere inside her jacket when she ends her call with Gina, and Jake is left staring, waiting for an explanation as Rosa takes out a mint from her pocket and eats it.

“Uh... Rosa?”

“Yeah, what?”

“Aren’t we going to talk about what just happened?”

Rosa’s mint clicks against her teeth as she looks almost puzzled at Jake. “What happened?”

Jake rolls his eyes. “Um, your entire phone call with Gina? I heard my name multiple times.”

“Oh. Gina tried to bribe Amy to date you using five dollars. Didn’t work.”

Jake scratches his head. “Did she... try bribing Amy with _ten dollars_ instead to see if that might’ve worked?”

“What?” Rosa snorts. “If you think that’s going to work, maybe you should bribe Amy yourself.”

“But that’s kind of like... prostitution, isn’t it?”

Rosa takes a moment to consider this, head tilted to the side. “Right. Also. Is bribing Amy as a way to convince her to go out with you what you actually want to talk about right now?”

“No,” Jake admits. “I was waiting for you to ask me about. You know.”

“About what?”

“Really? Gina slapped me for kissing Sophia this morning and you won’t even acknowledge what happened?”

“I don’t know. Who you kiss is kind of your business. But... fine. Whatever. What about it? Why’d she kiss you? When did she come back to our school? Didn’t she move? Crap, now I’m getting way too invested in this.”

Jake clears his throat with a proud smile. “Yeah, she’s back in town alright. Dad’s company moved him back to New York. She came to see me yesterday, first thing in the morning. Honestly, it was way too early. I went back to sleep after she left.”

“Damn,” Rosa remarks. “Why’d she come visit you? Didn’t she dump your ass harder than Amy punched that girl at the football game?”

“Nice comparison. But turns out, all of that stuff was fake, and Sophia just didn’t want to get both of us hurt by trying things long distance. She wants to get back together though, now that she’s in town. But... I told her I’m still not sure. Actually, right now, I’m still not sure. All I know is that I’m glad she came by to see me.”

“Why’s that?”

Jake swallows thickly as he psyches himself up enough to explain. “Okay... to understand why I’m glad, you need to know that... I’ve been having some nightmares recently.”

“Nightmares?” Rosa’s eyebrow raises with concern. “What nightmares?”

“They’re all about Amy. It’s complicated, but all you need to know is that they were really crappy dreams that I’ve been having every night since she... since she ended things. But then Sophia came and... I didn’t have a nightmare last night. Beautiful dreams actually. Slept like a baby.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jake says as he fiddles with his pen. “So it’s like... in a way, her coming back has been kinda good for me? But at the same time... I know I shouldn’t date her.”

Rosa straightens in her seat at this. “Why not?”

Jake scoffs. “Why not? I’m still in love with Amy, Rosa. How could I date Sophia? It wouldn’t be fair to her.”

Rosa shrugs. “Maybe it’s perfectly fair. I mean, you can’t just sit around and mope for Amy forever as she stubbornly refuses to date you. Ship’s sailed, dude. She’s not going to come around any time soon. And the only way to move on is to move on.”

Jake shrugs slow as he takes this proposition in. “I don’t know, Rosa. Feels weird. I shouldn’t be with Sophia just because I can’t be with Amy.”

“Then maybe don’t date Sophia. You could always go for someone else new. Who cares if you date a few people here and there? No one’s saying you have to get into a serious relationship. You deserve a break, man.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1113 HOURS, FOURTH PERIOD WITH GINA AND CHARLES!**

“Hey, Gina.”

“Hey, Charles.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1211 HOURS, RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER IN THE CORRIDOR WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

Amy’s been panicking since Diego hasn’t replied to or seen any of her texts, which is why she heaves a sigh of relief when she sees Jake.

“Hey Jake, wanna get lunch with me? Later?”

She misses the way his eyes light up at this.

“Uh... sure. Sure.”

“Oh, good. Let’s not go to the cafeteria later. Let’s go as far away from school as we can, actually.”

She doesn’t even realize how much false hope this gives Jake.

 

* * *

 

**BABYLON, 1217 HOURS, LATE FOR FIFTH PERIOD WITH GINA AND ROSA!**

“Baby, I missed you like crazy,” Gina says as she runs into Rosa’s arms. Their lips find each other before their hands even do, and they fumble their way to their classy arm chair as they kiss with want, with need.

“I missed you too,” Rosa rasps as she begins trailing down to Gina’s neck, the latter’s lipstick already smudged beyond obvious. “You should probably stop wearing lipstick to school.”

Gina quickly glances at the mirror, laughing at her horrid state. She’ll fix that later. “Probably. But I look so pretty.”

“True. Yeah, screw it, keep wearing your lipstick.”

She’s about to lean in again when Gina gets a text. As always, and on instinct, Gina whips out her phone.

“Aww it’s a text from you–“ she reads it, and then looks up at Rosa in horror–“wait, babe, you told Jake to start dating Sophia Perez? Are you kidding me?”

“I didn’t say Sophia specifically,” she explains. “I said other people in general. Dude needs to move on, I’m just looking out for him.”

Gina huffs. “Babe, are you crazy? Think about what the cat will drag home!”

“Did you just refer to Jake as a cat? And what’s wrong with Jake dating other people?”

Gina sighs. “Don’t you see? Okay, so someone like Amy is now Jake’s type– gorgeous and nerdy, which well, whatever rocks his socks off, y’know. She’s basically the catnip to his cat.”

“Jake has a type?”

“Well, no, not really, but seeing how much he drools over her, she kind of has to be his type now, right?”

Rosa crosses her arms. “Or... he just happens to be in love with her. Not everyone has a type.”

“Okay, fine, whatever. My point is: if Jake starts dating someone else, he’s going to overcorrect and date the complete opposite of Amy– and not in a good way!”

“Look– this thing with Amy is tearing him apart,” Rosa argues. “He’s getting nightmares and–“

“He’s getting _nightmares_ about her?” Gina pauses and seems to have a passing thought. “Am I in any of those nightmares?”

Rosa looks weirdly at Gina. “How am I supposed to know? And more importantly– why would you be in those nightmares?”

“Oh Rosie dear–“ she strokes Rosa’s hair–“shouldn’t you know by now that I’m everywhere?”

Rosa rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Anyway–“

“You know what?” Gina interrupts. “We can talk about Jake and Amy later. We’re meeting up in secret for us, babe. Talking about our dumb friends is really killing the mood.”

“True.” Rosa refocuses on Gina, sliding her hand around her waist. “I’ll save the mood,” she whispers into Gina’s ear, before her fingers slip down and sneak into Gina’s jeans.

True to her word, Rosa does indeed save the mood. She has Gina grinding into her touch, moaning into her neck, begging for more of Rosa. She gives her more, as much as she wants (so long as time permits), because Gina doesn’t whine for anyone the way she does for her.

Rosa relishes in the way Gina breaks apart for her, and only her. She’s also thankful for the soundproof walls of Babylon.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1233 HOURS, FIFTH PERIOD WITH CHARLES AND ROSA!**

Charles heaves a sigh of relief when Rosa slides into the seat next to him.

“Thank god you’re here. Where in the heck have you been? You’re lucky we sit at the back and Mrs Mullins has bad eyesight.”

“So she took my attendance? Dope.”

Charles sighs. “Yeah, that part was fine. But then she asked you a question five minutes ago. I’m only glad she bought my impression of you.”

“You–“ she snorts at this–“you did an impression of me?”

“I know, it was the most nerve-racking moment of my life. Where were you?”

Rosa hesitates at this. “I... should probably wait until after class to tell you this.”

Charles looks excited at this.

“But– you have to promise not to tell anyone. You can’t overreact.”

“Of course, of course I won’t tell anyone!” He insists, involuntarily shifting in his seat.

“You’re overreacting right now.”

“Right, stopping that.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1248 HOURS, SIXTH PERIOD WITH GINA AND ROSA! (BUT FIRST,, A SECRET FROM ROSA TO CHARLES)**

“NO WAY! YES! YES, THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE HEARD ALL DAY!”

He proceeds to take off for his next class at full speed, leaving Rosa standing there, rolling her eyes.

“Idiot,” she mutters to herself with an affectionate shake of her head before she moves quickly for the second last lesson of the day. She’d never be late for a class she has with Gina.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1321 HOURS, GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS (AKA SEVENTH PERIOD WITH JAKE AND AMY! BECAUSE CONTINUITY IS IMPORTANT AND ALSO WHO KNOWS WHAT THESE CRAZY KIDS STUDY FROM FIRST TO SIXTH PERIOD HAHA PUBLIC SCHOOLS AMIRITE JK WHOEVER WRITES THESE SCENE TITLES IS A MAJOR TRAIN WRECK OF A PERSON JEFF IS GETTING FIRED)**

“Hey, beautiful,” Jake playfully greets as he takes his seat next to Amy, who blushes.

“Hey... Jake.” She doesn’t know what to do with herself. Jake looks at her like she hung the stars in the sky. Or, like she wrote the movie Die Hard. Which is probably a much more realistic way to describe the enamored gaze he has on her.

She had kissed Jake... again. It’s a very frequent occurrence that just keeps happening. She’s also going out for lunch with him later, which means more time alone with him, which means just about anything could happen. Of course, she’s having lunch with him to stop her dramatic little brother from sucker-punching him in the face, but there are definitely better ways for Amy to ensure Jake’s safety. She’s just choosing the one where she gets to spend more time with Jake.

“So... where you wanna have lunch later?” He asks, already blindly convinced that it’s a date. But like, a secret date. Ever since Amy asked him to lunch outside of school, presumably alone, he’s spent the entire day thinking about it. He’s come to the conclusion that maybe Amy wants to date him, she’s just terrified of the concept of actually dating him. So... maybe he should just date her, but never mention any ideas relating to commitment? It’s a bit far-fetched, but it’s what he’s willing to work with right now, and it’s better than not being with Amy at all.

“Anywhere you want,” she smiles. In that same moment, Jake and Amy both receive a text.

Jake takes his phone out of his pocket. “It’s Holt,” he says, prompting Amy to scramble for her phone.

**_Hello. I am afraid I have some bad news. I have been told that Wuntch used her sway with people of power organizing the youth arts festival, and now there is a special semi-final round for the first time. Of course, having already qualified for the finals beforehand, the two of you are definitely competing in the semi-final round, and I have complete confidence that the two of you will proceed to qualify for the final round again. This happens to be yet another dirty ploy of Wuntch. My apologies. I would call her a dirty rat, except that would be an insult to dirty rats, most of whom have done nothing to warrant such an insult. Regardless, I believe your skills can overcome her schemes. We shall be receiving the task requirements for the semi-finals within the next few days. Best of luck to the both of you, is something I feel I should say. Obviously, the phrase is preposterous. I believe in competency over the flimsy concept of luck. Seeing how the both of you have displayed very much of the former, there is little doubt that you will do your school proud._ **

“Oh god,” Amy sighs. “I can’t believe this is happening. I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for an additional performance.”

“Hey,” Jake covers Amy’s hand with his, and she can’t ignore the way this calms her, no matter how much she tries. “We’re gonna be fine. You’ll kick ass, I’ll kick ass– we’re unstoppable! And really good at acting. Think about how extra proud Holt is gonna be when we nail this sucker.”

Amy smiles. “You’re right. Thanks, Jake.”

He smiles back at her. “And if it would make you feel better, we can spend lunch going over what we think might be the task requirements for the semi-final?”

“That... that would. That would actually make me feel better.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1423 HOURS, FIXING HAIR IN WASHROOM**

Amy’s waiting for him beside her locker, she has to get a few books because she wants to bring them home to study for upcoming tests. Jake is fixing his hair to make sure he looks nice for his lunch/secret date with Amy. As usual, however, it looks perfect.

When he turns around to head out, he comes face to face with Charles.

“Hey buddy!” He greets enigmatically. “Haven’t seen you all day, how’s it–“

Charles slaps Jake across the face.

“Ow!” Jake whines, rubbing his face to make sure he doesn’t get a bruise. This is his second slap of the day, and if he’s not presentable for his date with Amy, Charles is so dead. “That hurt!”

“I’m sorry, Jake, but that’s what you get for kissing Sophia!” Charles looks livid in the most Charles-way possible, having suppressed his anger at Jake all day, because he hasn’t seen Jake all day. They have no classes together, it’s tragic. “You’re supposed to be with Amy– and I don’t care what Holt thinks, the two of you–“

“Wait–“ Jake interrupts, his heart racing in fear and realization. “What did Holt say?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Jake and Amy used to work at Sal’s Pizza together please don’t hate me for letting y’all know this 22 chapters into the story Jake and Amy have richly intertwined lives and they don’t spend their time talking about what they used to do anyway regardless I still hope y’all enjoy the fact that they used to work together at Sal’s Pizza!!! And that,,,, Jake is kinda a culinary genius but only with pizza and pizza bagels he can’t boil eggs and tbh bc making pizza takes time and effort he doesn’t do it at home he orders pizza like a loser and lbr he’s mostly good at making the dough 
> 
> Amy comforting Jake (and letting him cry into her boobs) last summer when Sophia dumped him was meant to be a sort of parallel to when Jake hugged Amy when she dumped Teddy yes Amy used to heal Jake’s heart not break it haha ha ha I’m so sorry for making some of y’all hate Amy it was never my intention 
> 
> Just like the Council Of Amys, I’m not apologizing for Jake’s Dream Headquarters okay, they’re basically the staff/crew behind all of Jake’s dreams, and Jake is currently unaware of their existence. Also, “Current Events Jake” literally is in charge of knowing what happens to Jake on a daily basis, he doesn’t actually know what’s happening on the world political scene or whatever. That being said, who’s your fave Jake? I didn’t actually go into that much detail about that many Jakes, but if y’all like them then I just might (Current Events Jake/Sex Dream Jake/Sex Dream Amy love triangle is gonna be a thing, no one can stop me) 
> 
> Sophia should not have kissed Jake without his consent, and although I didn’t have her get called out for this directly it’s not something that should be condoned, okay 
> 
> AND YES KEVIN IS HERE!!! WE ARE ALL SAVED!!! HE’S A TEACHER IN THE SCHOOL TOO 
> 
> Amy thinking that Holt would disapprove of her and Jake being together has led her to come up with 5832994 things to rationalize what Holt said, and all these issues wouldn’t matter as much to Amy if,,,, Holt’s rule wasn’t as self-enforced as Amy thought it was (u will see this is prob a confusing thing to say now)
> 
> I hope y’all enjoyed the running theme/gag of all the classes esp the one where Gina and Charles said hi to each other and didn’t talk idk how funny that is just hope y’all liked it 
> 
> Also DUN DUN DUN what’s jake about to find out!!!! 
> 
> pls leave me comments/kudos if u enjoyed im in need of entertainment


	23. and i’ll take you gladly

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1431 HOURS, AMY’S LOCKER**

Jake looks awkwardly quiet when he meets Amy at her locker, and she tries her best to ignore how uneasy this makes her. There’s this strange aura around him now, and it’s like he’s discovered some deep dark secret, or chanced upon something highly disturbing and now he can’t see the world the same way again. Or some combination of the two.

“Hey,” she greets him. “Ready to go now?”

He nods.

“What do you feel like eating?”

“Uh...” Unlike how Amy had hoped, this does not get Jake all jumpy and excited; she does not see the sunshine he usually radiates, and this display rains all over Amy’s parade. “Pizza bagels, I guess?”

Amy forces herself to smile in the most encouraging way possible, in hopes that Jake will emulate her. “Then I guess we should head to... our place. Brooklyn Nine-Nine?”

“Haha, yeah.” This fake reaction is the least genuine thing that Amy has ever heard slipping through Jake’s lips. It breaks her heart, which she supposes is fair. She’s broken enough hearts already, and they all belong to Jake. Yes, she’s well aware that most humans tend to have only one heart, but Jake has so much love in him, that Amy can’t imagine just one mere heart being able to store it all. He’s so full of love and affection, and she deserves none of it.

And well, currently, she’s not getting any of it anyway, so whether she deserves it at all is an unnecessary query to have.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN NINE-NINE, 1458 HOURS, STOPPING OUTSIDE**

They walk in silence all the way to the place.

“Hey, are you okay?” Amy finally plucks the courage to ask, having racked her brains the whole walk here, only managing to convince herself when they stand two steps away from the entrance of the cafe to check up on Jake. Whatever it is that happened, Amy wants to know, and Amy wants to help.

He’s caught off guard by this, and as he wordlessly stammers, Amy steps in close to hold him. “Did something bad happen?” She pulls him in for a hug, and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. She means it to be reassuring and friendly, but of course Jake’s eyes shut in agony as she does this. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

He doesn’t know where to start, doesn’t know where to begin. He’s still in shock from what he’s learnt, and he’s trying to figure out how to process, how to react. “I–“

“Why, if it isn’t my favorite couple!”

The owner of the cafe greets them. After their first visit together during drama camp, Jake and Amy had taken to eating at Brooklyn Nine-Nine together. A lot. It tided them over all the practice they had to do, be it for the annual production or the youth arts presentation festival. Having lunch before rehearsals (this all happened before the audition) became a habit for Jake and Amy, and it was a habit they very much enjoyed then.

“Oh, hi!”

Of course, Jake and Amy pretend to be a couple every time they visit their cafe, and it is a relief Amy happens to be hugging Jake when they get spotted by the owner.

“Come on right in, your usual spot is empty!” She beckons, handing Jake and Amy a menu each, since this cafe has a very long menu and they like to try new things each time they come (of course, for Jake at least, pizza bagels is always a staple).

Whatever Jake was about to say to Amy is cut off by the friendly older woman, and they’re back to silence as they walk to their table again.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN NINE-NINE, 1506 HOURS, LUNCH TIME**

“Hey, she’s gone now,” Amy says cautiously after they’ve placed their orders. “It’s just us. Is there anything you want to tell me? Or... ask me?”

She’s trying to put across that she’s absolutely willing to dole out advice of any sort should Jake be in need of it. But what she doesn’t expect is to open up a can of worms she didn’t realize she wanted to hide high up on a shelf, undiscoverable and unseen.

“Amy... why did you ask me to lunch?”

She doesn’t know this, but Jake’s giving her one last chance, one last opening to tell him the truth.

And well, she does indeed tell him the truth, just not the truth he needs.

Amy tries to jump as animatedly as she can into the whole situation with Diego, telling the story in a way that hopefully, Jake will appreciate. Maybe he’ll find the whole situation funny and go back to being himself again.

“...and so, since I’ve been told that your beautiful face is something to be prioritized, I had to make sure to keep you as far away from Diego as possible, right?”

She lets out a laugh that’s tainted with nerves, and Jake, to his credit, tries to smile in amusement at her story. But his eyes... his eyes tell an entirely different one.

“So... your brothers thought we were dating, and now they know we’re actually broken up. Just to...” he scrunches his lips, “ _refresh_ my memory, why did you do that again?”

Jake’s final final attempt to push Amy to confess (in her defense, it’s a really subtle and out of the blue one) only serves to dumbfound her. As she had brushed off his previous requests for the reason why they can’t date, Amy isn’t going to offer it up so quickly now.

“Uh... what?”

But Jake no longer cares about that anymore. He’s just filled with... an odd sense of disappointment. It’s always so disheartening when someone you love wrongs you, betrays the trust you had put in them so naively. What feels even worse for Jake, is being unable to love Amy less in spite of this.

“Amy, I know. Charles told me everything– I know, I know that you broke up with me because Holt said co-stars shouldn’t date, and it, I guess it freaked you out or something,” he heaves sharply, “I know everything now so just please–“ his voice cracks and unveils his vulnerability–“ _please_ , just stop lying to me.”

Jake’s words cover Amy like a blanket made of ice, and in spite of the warm fires cooking breakfast foods all day long in the cafe, Amy finds herself freezing.

“I... I–“ Amy has never felt so scared, never felt so in the wrong. She’s been a good girl all her life, but now she feels the level of guilt she imagines a person who committed treason should feel.

Tears, fearful tears set in her eyes and her hands begin trembling as her vision gets compromised. She braces herself, to get yelled at, or berated by Jake, since it’s what she feels she deserves, but it never happens.

The only thing she feels is Jake’s hand covering hers, and when her heart stops pumping so hard the thumping sounds slowly fade out and stop drowning out surrounding voices.

“Amy, calm down,” Jake says, his face filled with worry for her. “I’m not going to get mad at you, it’s fine, everything is okay.”

He could never be okay with making Amy distraught, especially distraught the way she is now. He loves her, remember? She could hurt him cruelly a thousand times over and he’d forgive her each time, love unwavering. Sure, he realizes that this sets him up for an unhealthy relationship dynamic, if he’s not careful. But if darkness is an old friend, heartbreak is his family.

“I’m–“ her chest gets stuck with air she fails to properly inhale–“I’m sorry, _I’m so sorry–_ “

She apologizes messily and incoherently over and over, like a record freezing, getting faulty. Jake can’t handle seeing her like this, rushing to Amy’s side of the booth where he engulfs her with a hug; she buries her head in his chest, craving his comfort as she sobs into his embrace. Carefully, he strokes her back in a reassuring gesture, kissing the top of her head. He shuts his eyes in relief as he inhales her scent. Clearly, the kiss is meant to help ground him as much as it is supposed to help her.

Amy swears, she’s not trying to make Jake feel sorry for her with this... meltdown. All her guilt and other horrible feelings regarding all the lying she did to Jake, all the hurt she made Jake endure, she’s kept it bottled up, behind a concrete wall, and now the dam has shattered and she’s drowning in her sea of delusion.

To get caught lying to someone you love– even when you felt justified doing whatever it is you weren’t supposed to, one would still find themselves feeling a great amount of regret indeed.

Eventually, the sting of her wrongdoing fades and her tears stop streaming down her face. Her vision clears enough for her to look up at Jake, who’s staring her down with more remorse than she can handle.

She presses a kiss that’s wet with her tears against his chin, feeling the small sigh he lets out at this, the tight way he swallows at this.

“I’m okay now,” she says, which sends a wave of calm to wash over Jake’s face. “You don’t have to pretend you’re not angry at me anymore.”

“I’m not pretending–“ he starts, but then something stops him and he nods. “I know I should be, but I’m not really. I’m... I’m just...”

“I know,” Amy nods, understanding what Jake means. “You need me to explain why. Why I didn’t tell you.”

“It would... it might help.” He looks down. “I spent a long time thinking there was something wrong with me. A dealbreaker, you know, that made me not good enough for you.”

“You’re _more_ than good enough for me, Jake,” Amy insists, face scrunching up like it’s her personal mission to ensure Jake doesn’t think less of himself. “You’re incredible, so terrifyingly great. It’s me who should worry about not being good enough for you. At least... you know what you want. I don’t. I’m scared of everything, I ruin everything by overthinking. I don’t want to ruin you all because I was being... myself.”

“And also... Holt doesn’t think we should date.”

“ _And also Holt doesn’t think we should date.”_

Jake bites his lip, throat swelling in a way that worries him. “You know what? On... on second thought, I don’t think I want to know why you didn’t tell me about what Holt said anymore.”

Amy’s eyebrow raises at this. “You don’t?”

“No. I don’t want to know, I think I’d feel better not knowing. What... what you’ve told me... it’s good.” He’s not good, but he has to live with it. “I know now, that the reason we didn’t work out is not because there’s something wrong with me, so it’s okay. There’s also nothing wrong with you, by the way. And even though I disagree, in the end, I respect your decision, you know?” He takes a deep breath after this. “I just... I just hope you can respect mine.”

“What? What decision?”

“I’ll have to move on from you. I have to, because knowing me, if I don’t try to see other people, if I don’t do something, I won’t be able to stop tearing myself apart over... not getting to be with you.”

Amy’s fingers grip tight onto the fabric of whatever she sits on, but she makes no form of protest.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0427 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#5: AT BROOKLYN NINE-NINE WITH AMY)**

“That– that sounds great,” Amy says with a very forced enthusiasm. “I wish you luck– actually, you don’t need luck. People are, people are clamoring to date you, right?” She laughs to sound light and breezy, but she’s far from it. “Didn’t you say Sophia wanted to date the crap out of you? Should-you should totally jump at that. She’s cute, she seems great. Definitely date her.”

In reality, Jake had agreed awkwardly to give Sophia a go after she said this, and told her about how Sophia had actually never meant all that stuff she said to him last summer, and then their food arrived and they... ate. They tried to keep up the banter and jokes but, it was definitely stiff.

Right now, in his dreams, Jake has other ideas.

“No, no, are you kidding me?” He huffs, speaking his mind. “I can’t love anyone the way I love you, it’s always going to be you. Don’t let me date other people, please, tell me to be with you. I just want to be with you.”

Some scheming glint appears in Amy’s eyes, and even though Jake is already suffering, it’s about to get worse.

“I don’t want to be with you though,” she snaps, and it breaks Jake apart. “I thought I made that clear. Just because I cry for you doesn’t mean I love you too.”

“I’ll love you enough for the both of us–“ but then his voice catches because that’s stupid, and Amy (in what’s about to be a nightmare) finds this just as stupid. She laughs, cackles actually, and gets up with a shake of her head.

“You’re ridiculous. And an idiot. You’re especially an idiot for being in love with a girl who doesn’t love you back. What other crazy thing will you get up to next?”

She starts to walk away, but Jake blocks her in time and throws his arms around her in a hug. It’s a tight hug that allows him to feel as much of Amy as he pleases, allows him to tuck Amy’s head in the crook of his neck.

“Please,” he begs. “Please don’t go. Stay and let me love you?”

A smile spreads across Jake’s face as he feels Amy lean into his embrace.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1233 HOURS, AGREEING TO DATE SOPHIA**

“So... what changed your mind?”

Jake shrugs at this. “I don’t know. I guess... I decided that I should finally let myself be happy?”

Sophia seems to like this answer. “Good, that’s good, Jake.”

“Yeah. I just... want to make sure you know this isn’t like, I don’t know, super deep? I want to keep it sort of casual. Because I don’t think I’m ready for anything serious right now. Thought it was important that you knew that, in case you want something that’s... serious.”

Sophia seems to find this amusing, funny even. “Jake, do you not know me at all? I’m not really asking for much here. I just want someone to make out with once in a while, not meet your parents. We’re in _high school_ , not adults in our thirties. You can be in any serious relationship you want after you graduate from college, is what I think. Right now? I just know that I like you.”

Jake smiles at this. “Good, good. Glad we’re on the same page. One final heads up though– I kind of make out with Amy a lot.”

Now this, this throws Sophia off. “Uh, what?”

“Oh, no, not like that.” It is like that, but he supposes it would be best not to dig into his past minutes after starting a relationship with Sophia. “Amy and I have to kiss in our annual production this year.”

“Oh,” Sophia nods in relief. “Okay, I get it. And don’t worry, I’m not going to get all weird and jealous about that stuff. You do what you have to do.”

“Hmm,” Jake nods. “You’re amazing.”

“Remember,” Sophia points to herself with a proud smile. “Very cool girlfriend.”

“The coolest.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1628 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

Theatre used to be one of Amy’s favorite parts of school. Sure, she loves being in class, she loves learning new things, taking tests, getting back test results, submitting homework, getting her homework back and seeing an ‘A+’ written at the top right hand corner in red– the list goes on. Simply put, she loves school.

But it could never beat theatre– until now. Now... theatre is very suddenly falling to the bottom of Amy’s personal ranking of her activities in school.

The problem isn’t theatre itself; she loves drama club, she loves acting, she loves being in the theater. What she doesn’t love, is what happens during drama club. What goes down before, during, and after rehearsals.

In fact, Amy’s more than willing to make a list of reasons why drama club sessions are getting more and more unbearable as each one passes her by.

> _1\. having to see Jake and Sophia make out before Holt arrives for rehearsal_

The first time she walks in on them ravaging each other’s lips in one of the audience seats is the first time Amy has ever truly regretted being early for any event in her life. The sight causes her to drop her books, and Sophia looks up, grinning at Amy like they’re best friends. Jake, on the other hand, has his back turned away from Amy as he’s the one sitting in the chair (Sophia, as one might easily gather, is seated on top of him), and doesn’t notice Amy’s presence until Sophia cheerfully greets her.

“Hey, Amy!”

This prompts Jake to turn around, and for a moment Amy sees his entire being freeze, a flash of guilt passing through his eyes.

“Oh, uh, hey Amy.” He looks up at Sophia. “Hey, maybe we should go someplace more private? We don’t want to uh, make anyone feel uncomfortable or anything.”

Sophia looks at him like he’s crazy. “But there’s barely anyone here, and we don’t even have that much time until your director gets here,” she looks up at Amy. “Amy, you don’t mind, right?”

Amy minds very much indeed, but telling them to ‘stop kissing forever’ would probably be a bad idea. “Whaaaat? Me? Mind? Why would I mind? You two should... go ahead! Make out as much as you want! Who cares about them haters? Mack on each other’s lips... homie!”

Amy’s over-enthusiasm gets Sophia snorting, but she takes Amy’s word at face value.

And Amy has to resist the urge to plug her ears with her fingers and scream as she walks away.

> _2\. having to see Jake leave with Sophia after rehearsal ends_

Cheer practice tends to end about half an hour before rehearsal does, so more often than not, Sophia is waiting outside the theater for Jake, often with suggestions as to what they can get up to after rehearsal.

“There’s this new restaurant that’s selling super hot wings! Wanna give that a go?”

“Sure! Let’s set our mouths on fire!”

Obviously, Sophia is a very fun person, with very _fun_ and engaging ideas (that Jake always eats up). She’s obviously a really fun person to be with, and Jake’s obviously having a _hoot_ dating her. Jake probably has more fun with her than he ever has with Amy, and Jake will probably end up liking dating Sophia (again) more than he would ever enjoy a relationship with Amy. She supposes, over time, Jake would’ve probably gotten bored with Amy anyway. After all, who would pick a girl who likes studying after school over a girl who likes doing fun crazy stuff (such as get hot wings) after school?

The worst thing about this whole situation is that when drama club sessions don’t coincide with cheer practice, Amy actually gets to go home with Jake, which makes the ‘Sophia is stealing Jake from me’ feeling she gets so much more real.

It gets even worse when Jake is about to go home with Amy, only for Sophia to show up at the last second and surprise Jake.

“Hey _buddy_ ,” Amy remembers Jake playfully calling once, throwing his arm around her shoulder and tousling her hair. They are both trying really hard to establish this ‘platonic friendship’ thing between them, and it feels like the most stupid thing in the world. “Where to?”

“Wanna go to my place for dinner? My mom’s cooking.”

Amy does succeed in bringing Jake over for dinner once or twice, and it always sends her mother over the moon with joy. Her brothers (those who know that they’re sort of broken up) just find the whole situation weird.

“Hey, who wants to watch Die Hard and order pizza? I have coupons...”

Jake gasps at the sound of Sophia’s voice (and at her words), letting go of Amy and rushing towards the Die Hard DVD in Sophia’s hands.

“I actually already have a copy–“

“I know, this is your copy. Your mom let me in so I could bring it along for dramatic effect when I came to pick you up.”

Jake chuckles heartily at this. “Amazing.”

“Best girlfriend ever, remember?”

“Of course.” Jake quickly turns to look at Amy, as if just remembering that she exists. “Oh hey Amy, I uh, I think I’m gonna have to pass on dinner. Tell your mom I said hi?”

Amy nods. _Why the hell is Sophia such a good girlfriend?_ is the only question she has on her mind. Which she resents herself for thinking, because Jake deserves to be treated well, so how dare she resent Sophia for being so god damn perfect?

> _3\. having to hear everyone talk about Jake and Sophia_

It’s so annoying hearing about how iconic a couple Jake and Sophia are everywhere she goes. It’s like she can’t catch a break! Just a few short weeks (or to be honest, days) before, Jake and Amy were all anyone could talk about. Everyone was rooting for them to be together, watching on whenever they interacted, playfully teased each other, etc etc.

And now? It’s like everyone’s turned their backs on Jake and Amy, and now Jake and Sophia are all anyone can gush about. She’s so sick of hearing about how cute it is that a cheerleader and an actor are dating, and– how is this something cool and new? Jake and Sophia have dated before, shouldn’t the effect have worn off ages ago?

It’s as if someone is orchestrating this on purpose, as if there’s some conspiracy—

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1625 HOURS, THE CONSPIRACY™**

As Amy begins to approach them, a posse of drama club members start to desperately spazz about Jake and Sophia.

“Oh my god, did you guys um– see Sophia’s... cheerleader uniform?” Someone cracks awkwardly. “It’s so... so hot. Man, no wonder Jake can’t resist her.”

“Mhmm, wish we had a... cute uniform,” says a girl. “I want to... impress them dudes. I definitely like men,” she continues like a lying lesbian.

“Yeah. I also heard she’s head cheerleader again. Partly because she managed to snag Jake up without even trying.”

“Yup. Heard Jenny Gildenhorn is super pissed about it. Everyone knows she wants to be head cheerleader.”

“Huh, like Jake would touch her with a ten foot pole–“

Everyone heaves a sigh of relief when Amy leaves and is no longer in earshot. They spot Gina approaching them, obviously texting on her phone and not looking up from it. She clearly has no intention to interact with them.

“Gina!” One of them harshly whispers, causing Gina to look up with her eyes on standby to roll at whatever they’re going to say.

“What?”

“How long more do we have to do this? It’s so exhausting.”

“Yeah, why do we have to keep talking about Jake and Sophia? No one even cares about them.”

“Duh,” Gina responds, already texting on her phone again. “And you guys _have_ to pretend to give a crap about Jake and Sophia, because Amy needs to learn a little lesson. She needs a wake up call if she’s ever going to go after what she wants.”

Everyone is very confused, but Gina doesn’t give a crap about that, walking away without another word.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1634 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

—like, someone’s doing this to her on purpose. Or whatever. It just– it feels like hell, is what it is.

> _4\. having to resent something that Holt said because she never knew how difficult it would be to comply with and also he’s full of crap_

Everyone gets ecstatic when they find out that Mr Kevin Cozner, head of the Arts department who teaches English Literature, replaces Mr McGintley as the teacher in charge of the drama club.

Of course, unlike Amy– their appreciation for the man has less to do with his in depth knowledge regarding the study of literature, and more to do with the fact that he’s Director Holt’s husband.

“Mr Cozner, please, _please_ tell us how you and Director Holt got together!”

This is a request the club makes one day when Holt is out of earshot. To everyone’s delight, Kevin is excited enough about getting to work with his husband to entertain everyone’s prying questions. It is a relief that he happens to be more open than Holt when it comes to sharing the story of how they fell in love.

“So how did you two meet?!”

“Well, Raymond and I were in the same theatre program in college. By some stroke of luck, we ended up getting cast as lovers in the production we were working on. That production happened to be my very first– I asked him for acting tips, and his answers had me in stitches.”

“Wait–“ Gina interrupts, looking very pointedly at Amy. “But Holt has a rule about not dating co-stars. So how did the two of you get together?”

Amy’s heart pounds the way it always does when she’s made a mistake, which unsettles her greatly because she hardly ever makes mistakes, so she’s not used to this sickening feeling.

Kevin looks down, showing all signs of blushing except for any telltale reddening of his cheeks. “Regarding that: what happened was simple– I admitted my attraction to him. He too, admitted some semblance of heightened emotion when he was around me, but told me about his... silly rule. So we agreed not to start anything; yet we kept feeling drawn to each other, some how. Eventually... we decided to take a leap of faith and we’ve been together ever since.”

“Sir, that’s beautiful,” Rosa pipes up. “But how did you two stay together? According to what Holt told us– relationships between co-stars don’t last.”

She is very obviously saying this for Amy’s benefit as well, who, as mentioned, is full of doubt and confusion. And also, slight resentment for Holt. How could he break his own rule?

A shy smile spreads across Kevin’s face. “I suppose... I was the one exception to his rule. And I don’t mean that to discredit Raymond’s views on relations between cast members. I too, have seen many stage flings crumble apart in awful and horrific ways. Rules are important; they guide the way we live, and guide the very structure of society. But I suppose the point of... _love_ , is to find that person who we’d break every personal rule for. The one who pushes us to be... more than ourselves. More than who we know ourselves to be.”

Many of the members surrounding Kevin noticeably tear up at this.

“Damn, Mr Cozner, that’s– that’s beautiful.”

“Cute shit. Also don’t forget that you can love more than one person, y’know. Both platonically and romantically. Polyamory and aromanticism are valid, y’all.”

“That is very true, well put,” Kevin says with a gentle nod of his head.

Of course, Amy agrees with all these views, but she can’t think about anything right now, other than the fact that she’s broken so so many rules for Jake.

And how, if she gets crazy enough (because everything that’s been happening has started to drive her insane), she might start breaking so many more.

> _5\. having to kiss Jake_

Yes, she knows what a shocker this might come as, should anyone who knows anything about Jake and Amy’s relationship over the past few months find themselves privy to this list. But this item is the last one on this list because it happens to be one of the most significant, and perhaps most damaging reasons why Amy finds drama club sessions so unbearable these days.

Kissing Jake, first of all, is a reminder of everything she can’t have. Everything she abandoned, because she was being stupid, so very stupid. How can she enjoy the kiss when she knows that that’s all there is to it? At the end of the day, he’s no longer hers. He’s going to love, and fall in love with someone who’s not her, and one day, Amy’s just going to be this big mistake he made in high school. And Jake is going to be her biggest regret.

Kissing Jake... used to be this fun, sort of forbidden thing she’d do. But now whenever she kisses Jake it’s for the stage. It’s for the play. It’s basically a business transaction, except neither of them are getting paid. Amy feels like she’s paying a big price, though. Every time her lips meet Jake’s, she loses her soul a little more, feels her spirit a little less. Kissing Jake used to make Amy feel more like herself than she’s ever been– but now? She’s fading away one engagement with Jake’s mouth at a time.

The worst part about having to kiss Jake however... is tasting Sophia on his lips. More specifically, Amy can taste Sophia’s lipgloss on Jake, and it’s the most painful reminder that she’s kissing a man who’s no longer hers. No matter how hard she tries, she tastes it each time, because Jake is a thorough kisser, and although in some abstract way it still feels good, Amy’s nauseated by the scent of Sophia’s lip balm that just insists on attacking her nostrils. Kissing Jake’s tainted lips feels like licking at a poison that refuses to kill you, when all you want is to leave everything behind.

It gets so bad... that one day she even asks Sophia what type of lip gloss she uses.

“What?” she snorts when Amy poses this strange query. “Why do you want to know?”

“I guess I just... love how glossy your lips look,” she lies in explanation, but is believed by Sophia, and buys the exact same type of lipgloss Sophia uses that very day.

She prays that tasting a flavor off Jake that she’s already wearing will hide the mark Sophia leaves on him.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1723 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

Her plan goes south.

They’re rehearsing for the kiss scene between Johnny and Dora on stage (with Holt and also Kevin watching from the audience seats), you know, the scene they’ve been nailing perfectly for over a month now? The one that Holt praised them for? The one that Holt doesn’t have any notes to give for because it’s usually flawless?

Well, that changes now.

About five seconds after Jake and Amy’s lips meet, Amy feels Jake freeze and pull away.

“Uh–“

Amy quickly finds her mind sapped of thought as Jake takes her in blankly.

“You... you changed it.”

“What?”

“What is going on?” Holt speaks up, making his presence known, and Jake and Amy jump further apart from each other. “Is something wrong?”

Jake answers without thinking. “Amy’s lips taste different.”

Amy shivers up immediately, because she hadn’t expected this. She hadn’t expected Jake to know that she had changed her lipgloss. Heck, she doesn’t even wear lipgloss at times. How does Jake even know, _sense_ that there’s something different about her lips?

A few people within earshot backstage snigger at Jake’s words, whereas Holt is much less amused.

“They taste different?”

“Uh...”

“Peralta, regardless of what Santiago’s lips taste like, you cannot just pull away from her mid-kiss, mid-scene, for that matter. The show must go on. Whatever the issue is, I want it sorted out within the hour, is that understood?”

Jake and Amy obediently nod their heads.

“Good. Go to the multi-purpose room, and fix your problems. I want to see the next scene in five minutes!” He raises his voice for the last part, to prompt the club members back stage to get a move on.

Jake takes the hand of a frozen Amy whose feet seem stuck to the ground, and they get going.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM, 1728 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

“Why’d you change it?” He asks, sounding oddly scarred when they shut the door behind themselves.

“Change what?”

“You taste like her,” he says with a bite of his lip. “Too much, too much like her. I nearly thought you were her– did– did you get a new lipstick?”

“I did. Why– what’s wrong with me tasting like... I’m assuming you’re referring to Sophia?” She says, playing dumb but knowing full well that Jake’s referring to Sophia.

This sends Jake reeling, plunging the entire room into a pin-drop silence because the truth is something that he’s determined to keep under wraps. He doesn’t tell her how kissing her is what keeps his hold on reality, and how it’s the only thing that keeps him feeling himself. He knows, he knows how horrible and selfish it is of him to still love her, but he does. Sophia– Sophia is great, and he really does like her. Truly, he enjoys the time he spends around her, and dating her this time around is even better than it was a year ago. They’ve both matured, and are capable of being in a relationship. But there’s... there’s something missing.

He never knows what it is, just knows that he’s trying his absolute best to treat Sophia right, trying his absolute best to love Sophia, like he used to believe he did. He doesn’t allow himself to think about Amy when he’s with Sophia, because that’s wrong, and rightfully, he shouldn’t be dating anyone if he’s in love with someone else. But like Rosa said: the only way to move on is to move on, right? He can’t sit around and mope, letting himself get hung up over one girl forever. Because knowing himself, he just might let himself hang around and mope over Amy forever. So he focuses on his casual, totally cool and chill relationship with his super amazing girlfriend, and suppresses any other feeling he gets.

But everything comes flooding back whenever he kisses Amy. He finds– he finds the piece of him that went _missing_ , and he knows that she’s been holding onto that part of him, and kissing her is like discovering himself again, becoming whole again. He desperately hates feeling this way, but he can’t help himself, and it isn’t like he’s allowed to stop kissing Amy.

(Okay, technically, if he asked Holt repeatedly to cut out the kiss scene, Holt would agree because he doesn’t want to make his actors do anything they don’t want to, but that would involve telling Holt everything that happened, which is the one thing Amy doesn’t want happening. He has to keep the fact that they sort of almost dated under wraps, and besides, requesting a major change in the play’s blocking months after they had agreed to it would just inconvenience so many people.)

He supposes... the reason why he flinched so hard and pulled away when Amy tasted less like herself earlier was because he needs her– he _needs_ to feel her the way that she is because she represents the very force that keeps his world from falling apart.

Which is wrong of him. Completely and utterly wrong. He can’t– he can’t keep doing this. It’s unfair to himself, unfair to Amy, and most of all, unfair to Sophia. So from now on, he’s going to try to suppress all feelings when he kisses Amy. Pulling away from a kiss with Amy mid-scene? No more. Not happening again. Amy could taste like green eggs and ham for all he cares– he’s going to follow the stage direction, because the only reason why he’s kissing Amy is for the play. Not for anything else.

So he’s going to be as good as he can– heck, he’s going to be even better than he’s capable of being, just because.

“Jake?”

“Uh... nothing. There’s... there’s nothing wrong. I’m sorry. This was all me. You did nothing wrong– don’t worry.”

Silence permeates the air again and Amy finds a persisting thought breaking this.

“Is... is anything wrong with your... thing with Sophia?”

“Uh, what?” Jake exhales discreetly as he realizes what he’s being asked. “Oh! Oh no, nothing’s wrong. Things are great with her.” He swallows carefully. “I mean... kissing wise– sometimes I feel like she kisses a little too fast, but it’s probably just me. I just can’t keep up, or something.”

Amy bites her lip and suppresses a giggle one second too late, and Jake arches an eyebrow at her. It is clear from the smile on his face that this is all in good nature, though. “Sorry. I shouldn’t– definitely shouldn’t be laughing. She _kisses_ too fast?”

“Yeah,” Jake shrugs with a smile. “She’s a little speedster.”

“I feel like that’s something you should probably tell her about.”

“Right. You’re right. Maybe I will.”

It gets all quiet again, and Amy finds herself evaluating her words to Jake. What she suggested was a normal friend thing to say, right? If there’s something Jake doesn’t like in his relationship with Sophia, he should tell her so that they can fix things and grow closer, right?

But her mind comes up with another scenario: Sophia getting offended at Jake having any sort of issue with her kissing pace, and them getting into a fight, resulting in a break up. Oh god, what if that’s what she wants? Amy starts berating herself at the possible implications of her words, and the implications that she might have ulterior motives, and starts scrambling desperately for a distraction, as well as a means to start up conversation again.

“I... I changed my lipstick on purpose. I didn’t happen to start wearing the same lipgloss that Sophia wears by chance.”

She doesn’t expect to admit this to Jake, but a tiny part of her feels better at having told the truth.

“Why did you do that?” He asks, curiously, not maliciously. But of course, this question makes Amy regret telling Jake the truth at all, because now she needs to come up with an excuse. Because how in the world would she explain _‘I had to do it because a little part of me dies when I taste your girlfriend on your lips because it reminds me that I am no longer yours’?_

“Uh, I just– just thought. It would be better... for you? Easier for you. To kiss me, so you could just pretend that I’m Sophia, and it wouldn’t feel... wrong?”

Jake presses his lips together. Nothing feels more right than kissing Amy, actually, and it is Sophia that he feels a little wrong kissing, but he refuses to admit this, not even to himself. “Oh. Don’t– don’t bother. For the record, Sophia knows I have to kiss you, and she’s okay with it, which makes me okay with it. Just be yourself. But of course, if you like the type of lipgloss she uses, go ahead! Don’t change yourself for me, you’re perfect the way you are.”

She forces herself not to harp on him calling her ‘perfect’. He probably just means it as a passing remark, a thing he’s saying to make Amy feel good about herself, because Jake’s a great guy who loves his friends. “To be honest, I don’t like the lipgloss she uses. Partly why I bought it too, I was trying to get myself uh, used to it? Since I kind of taste it most of the time when we kiss on stage.”

“Oh!” Jake nods in understanding, and Amy feels oddly proud of herself. “You should’ve told me, I’ll just... wash out my mouth or something, next time. Or like, wipe it clean.”

“Oh,” Amy takes in this suggestion, wishing she had thought of the _‘I just happen to dislike the taste of your girlfriend’s lipgloss!’_ excuse much sooner, but better late than never, she supposes. “Thank you for that.”

“Yeah, no problem. Hey– maybe I should do that now? Then we could kiss and you can tell me whether you still taste anything.”

“That’s– that’s... actually a good idea. Let’s do it.”

The first thing that Jake uses to wipe his lips are facial tissues they find in the multi-purpose room. Amy wipes her lips too, of course, because if she were still wearing Sophia’s flavors it would defeat the purpose of Jake trying to get rid of her. When he gets his lips dry, Amy gives him the go ahead and he leans in to kiss her.

There’s something that feels... oddly heightened, kissing Jake again in private, in this enclosed space as opposed to being watched on the open stage. She feels him so much more, feels the way his arms take her in. It’s the same way he always kisses her on stage, the way he’s supposed to kiss her for the scene, the way he’s always kissed her for the scene. But it hits her so much harder now that she’s all alone with him again.

Then he pulls away, and she wants him back in the most selfish of ways once more.

“How’s that? Still taste icky gloss?”

“It’s mostly gone now, but I still feel it a tinge. The taste comes back stronger the wetter our lips get– I guess, maybe dry tissue isn’t enough?”

So they find wet tissue, and try kissing again after they’ve cleaned their lips.

This time, Amy pulls away mere seconds after locking lips with Jake, face tight with disgust like she’s just had something very sour or bitter.

“Okay, so, I definitely don’t taste lipgloss anymore, but... I feel like I’m tasting... wet tissue? Like, whatever chemicals they put in it, I feel like I taste that, ugh. Starting to miss Sophia’s lipgloss now.”

“Yeah, that’s probably because I licked the wet tissue.”

Amy looks... there’s an unidentifiable expression on her face, but a mix of shock and disgust are in there somewhere. Worry is in there too.

“Jake! You licked the wet tissue?”

“I was trying to make sure I got all the lipstick stuff off!”

“That’s dangerous, what if there’s something harmful in there?” She sighs. “This is my fault. Let’s go– let’s go wash our mouths out.”

Amy makes sure to supervise Jake a little when they’re washing their mouths out– namely, by reminding him not to lick soap. Obviously, Jake knows that he shouldn’t be licking the soap, but... Amy still keeps an eye on him.

“Okay, I think I don’t taste gross anymore. Ready to try this again?”

They lean into each other next to the sink, and sink (haha) into a perfect kiss. As perfect a kiss as they’re allowed to make it, anyway, since there’s no way they can kiss in a way that’s inappropriate for the play, since they should only be kissing for the play.

“I think we’re good, I don’t taste lipgloss or wet tissue chemicals anymore,” Amy comments when the kiss ends again, like they always do. She hates it when her kisses with Jake end, but revealing this feeling would be crossing so many lines.

“Yeah, yeah. Did you know that water tastes really good off you?”

In spite of herself, Amy cracks up at this, because Jake says this so genuinely somehow, so innocuously. “So, what? Am I supposed to get a drink of water before I kiss you from now on?”

“Well, no, but damn– that sounds like a plan.”

She laughs again, because even when she’s broken herself to fragments and sharp edges, Jake makes her forget it all with a few witty quips and his ever-so addicting smile.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0017 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#6: PRACTICING KISSING WITH AMY)**

They’re in the multi-purpose room again, and Jake is kissing Amy as much as he pleases... because... _practicing_. And they’re not stopping, don’t seem like they’ll stop any time soon. His hands are all over her in ways he knows he doesn’t even need to be for the play, but he’s in a consequent-less world now and he doesn’t care.

He knows he’s dreaming because whatever’s happening feels too beautiful to be real. And... whatever’s happening is in some ways, out of his control. He can’t help what he dreams, right? This is a nightmare, because he never has dreams anymore, and nightmares are bad things that you don’t want to happen, so definitely, whatever is going on here, he doesn’t actually want it, right?

At some point, Jake and Amy trip over, and she giggles as he breaks her fall, continuing to kiss her like nothing happened.

“Jake, we fell down. Why are you still kissing me?”

“The show must go on, remember? Who knows, we could trip and fall down on the day of the actual show too. We gotta prepare for everything, and most importantly, we can’t stop kissing.”

He leans back in again, and after a few brief exchanges, Amy sits up, pulling away from Jake. She gets this haughty, unfeeling look again, and Jake feels the back of his throat go bitter.

“You know you’re really doing this because you want to kiss me, not for the play.”

“You’re right. I’m doing this because I want to kiss you,” he assents without a pause.

“But you can’t do that. You’re not supposed to be with me, even if I wanted to be with you, which I don’t. You’re with someone else now, you sick _bastard_.”

Jake doesn’t even so much as flinch, far too accustomed to the hurtful words of this dark version of Amy conjured by his subconscious.

“I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?”

“Not right now I don’t. This... this is the only place where I’m still allowed to love you.” He leans in again, and Amy shuts her eyes. “I’ll just hate myself for this when I wake up. Honestly... I hope I never do.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1653 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

Just as Holt had said, the letter denoting that their school’s representatives (basically meaning Jake and Amy) got into the brand new semi-final round arrives, along with some documents explaining various rules and requirements.

It’s mostly boring mumbo jumbo that Jake and Amy are already familiar with and hence largely disinterested in reading, but what does catch their attention is what they’ve been instructed to do for this special semi final round.

_ Contestants are to craft a short skit with a duration of 5-15 minutes. Kindly be reminded that submitted scripts will be vetted by the committee and edited accordingly. Contestants will then receive a script (two weeks after the last day of submission) that they will be expected to perform in the semi final round. However, do note that the scripts will be randomly assigned. Do not expect to receive a script of your own writing. We still urge that contestants strive for the best writing they are capable of delivering out of integrity. _

“Wow,” Jake huffs after Amy reads out the instructions to him. “First, they cave into Wuntch’s demands and hold some dumb unnecessary semi final round, and now they want us doing their work for them?”

Amy shrugs. “Yeah, it’s kind of unfair. The requirements for this round seem hastily written too. Like they were written by a person who has no idea what they’re doing.” Jake snorts at this, encouraging Amy to carry on. “Anyway, even though it’s a really lazy way to conduct the semi final round, didn’t something like this kinda already happen last year?”

Jake points at Amy as she says this, knowing exactly what she’s referring to. “Right! When they made us come up with a skit on the day of the competition itself. Man, that was hard. They gave us weird history themes. We only won because you were on our team.”

“What? It wasn’t all me.”

Jake rolls her eyes. “Please. You were the only one that knew anything about everything. You’re the best, Ames. Own it.”

Amy purses her lips, touched by Jake’s words, but then looks up at him suspiciously.

“Are you just trying to butter me up so that I do all the work?”

“That obvious, huh?” Jake says with a laugh, only laughing more when Amy scowls at him.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S ROOM, 2020 HOURS, WRITING THE SCRIPT FOR THE THING**

“Let’s make it super dumb,” Jake suggests, curling up next to Amy as she boots up her laptop, excited as ever to properly type out their script, and adhere to all the formatting guidelines.

“Dumb? What exactly do you mean?”

“Like... I dunno. Something really stupid. Not super offensive or anything, so they don’t edit our stuff out. But we should make it ridonk as hell. In the worst way possible. Something out of this world. You know, something that would make the judges go– why are we watching this? But not in a boring way–“

“Okay, Jake, I get it.” She smiles. “It’s actually a good strategy– since we won’t be performing our own script. We’ll basically be weeding out the competition.”

Jake looks even more excited now that Amy points this out. “Woah, that makes this way eviler than before! I love it. And also, the committee or whoever’s doing the deciding and stuff have to read our entire script and approve it because they have no choice but to– since they’re too lazy to write one, and they can’t say no to our script because they can’t veto sucky scripts the same way they veto offensive scripts.”

Jake’s exactly right about this, because the rules stated that no offensive material be included in the original scripts, a rule which he plans to wiggle around.

“Sounds great. So... what should we write about?”

It is this very question that sucks Jake into a silent vortex. “Uh... we could... uh. Crap. I don’t know. I can’t believe I’ve never written anything in my life and I already have writer’s block.”

Amy scratches her head with a frown. “I don’t know what to write about either.” She taps her fingers against the side of her laptop in thought. “Maybe... we should look around us for inspiration.”

“Right, yeah,” Jake gets up from Amy’s bed to do exactly this, looking around Amy’s room for ideas. Amy tries not to think about how his departure makes her feel cold. She tries not to think about how good he felt sitting so close by, practically pressed up against her. It felt so good to be pressed up against him again, even if it had been in the smallest of ways.

“Hmm... what’s the oldest thing you have in here?” Jake asks as he fiddles with Amy’s stationery, making sure to put back everything he finds in their correct spot for her.

“I don’t know, uh–“

“Ooh, this vase looks old. When’s it from? The year 5?”

Amy chortles at Jake’s random estimation of the vase’s age. Even though she too doesn’t know how old the vase is, she’s certain it’s not from the year 5. That would make it a historical artifact, and would thus have no business sitting on Amy’s desk. “I don’t know, maybe? I think we got that from a flea market, it’s probably not that old.”

“Hmm. Looks ancient.” He continues to inspect the vase, to Amy’s amusement.

“Has inspiration struck? Are you basing our script off that flea market vase?”

Jake looks up to beam at her, like the sunflower to her hot burning star. So, the sun. “Yeah, totally,” he says, with an air of mockery. “We’ve got a... classic love story here. Boy meets girl, boy has goat legs. How could she ever resist them? More at eight.”

Amy isn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, so she does a bit of both, and cries in laughter. “That is... that is the most ridiculous thing ever.”

“But somehow, because it’s a straight romance, I feel like they won’t veto it. I mean, our script might get picked up by Hollywood, who knows?”

“Well, as long as we don’t have to perform this crazy script, Hollywood can feel free to make as many movies using this concept as they wish.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 0924 HOURS, WAKING UP THE NEXT MORNING (DUN DUN DUN JK NOTHING HAPPENED)**

Rather than the sun, light from Amy’s laptop screen is what pries Jake’s eyes open this morning. He groans, groggy and uncertain of his surroundings, randomly pawing around him until he realizes his hands are reaching for Amy.

He sits up as he apologizes, rubbing his eyes and moving a good distance away from Amy so that he stops making a fool of himself.

“Didn’t know I slept over,” he remarks, voice garbled with fatigue that still lingers. He vaguely remembers discussing ideas and coming up with lines with Amy until the night bled into dawn. He must’ve dozed off at some point.

“I’m just as surprised as you are,” Amy says with a smile, even though it’s not the full truth. Jake had fallen asleep just as she was typing out a few final edits to their script last night. It was a dumb idea, but they got really into it and gave their all for the skit. Seeing Jake sleeping in her bed again... was something Amy couldn’t bear to take away from herself. She was too scared to wake Jake up because she didn’t want him to leave– so she shut off her laptop and quietly crawled under the covers next to him. When morning rolled around and Amy woke up, she felt Jake’s arms wrapped around her again, something which nearly had her in tears. Of course, Amy didn’t cry. She pulled Jake off herself to a few disgruntled noises, careful not to wake him, and got out her laptop to read through their script one last time (and more importantly, distract herself from the sleeping Jake in her bed). She let Jake wake up on his own, which brings us to this very moment.

She finds herself wanting something she can no longer have, and as each day where Jake isn’t hers drags on longer and more torturous while they pass her by, Amy finds herself slowly suffocating in a cloud of regret that constantly follows her.

“Don’t worry, nothing happened, right? Friends can have sleepovers. I’m just surprised your mom didn’t check on us or anything,” he continues with a stretch, exposing some skin as he bends over, causing Amy to avert her eyes.

Amy bites down hard on her lip when Jake specifies their relationship as one between friends. Which she knows, is all they’re allowed to be right now, in fact, it’s largely her fault that that’s all they’re allowed to be right now. But still, hearing it being said feels ridiculous. What “friend” nuzzles her neck in his sleep? What sort of “friendship” involves cuddling that happens unbeknownst to both parties as they sleep? Especially since they used to cuddle on purpose before? Especially since they used to do so much more than sleep in the same bed before?

“Yeah. I think... my mom just trusts me too much,” Amy banters along with Jake, suppressing any urge she has to tell Jake what they were doing during their “sleepover”. Sure, spooning isn’t scandalous, but it’s... it’s something. And if it were nothing Amy should be able to tell Jake just fine, but she can’t. Which makes her hate herself. Yet again.

“Works for us. I’d rather not explain what we were doing here to her. Speaking of scandalous stories– how’s our script? Did it turn out horrible or did it turn out _horrible_?”

“Horrible. But... in a way that I feel oddly proud about? It’s a work of art, but in a very trashy sense.”

“Well then what we’ve got here must be a beautiful work of trash. I’m proud of us.”

Amy giggles. “But still, I feel terrible for whoever’s getting this skit.”

“Me too. I’m glad we’ll never have to perform this script.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1733 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

“Oh crap,” Jake sighs deeply. “We got our own script.”

“What?!” Amy’s jaw shakes in shock she takes in this news. “No, no, how did that happen?”

“Apparently,” Jake explains as he scrutinizes their script and whatever documents sent to them. “Since the scripts were assigned randomly through some... ballot? Damn. Yeah, so, turns out that because this balloting was how they decided who got what script, there had been a chance that we would get our own script all along.”

Amy sighs, trying to collect herself. “Well, uh, at least we’re already familiar with the script?”

“That depends on whether they kept the script the same or made crazy changes to it.” Jake begins quickly skimming the script, gasping in a way that worries Amy. “Oh no! They changed the boy with goat legs to a boy with a goatee!”

“What?!” Amy exclaims. “That’s even worse!”

Jake snorts, before fully giving into the urge to laugh. “Sorry, I was just messing with you. Your face was priceless as hell, but more importantly– do you _actually_ think a boy with a goatee is worse than a boy with goat legs?”

“Uh, I–“

“Don’t worry, I was just messing with you again. Of course goatee boy is worse. I mean, aside from the obvious, a love story with a goatee boy would suck compared to a love story starring a boy with goat legs. Emotionally, the goat legs thing is just much richer.”

“Agreed.”

“Although,” Jake grins. “Now that I know about your thoughts on goatees, I feel like trying to grow one on purpose just to watch you absolutely hate it.”

“Please. If you grew a goatee, Holt and the entire club would hold you down and shave it off. I think a beard in general might suit you though. Just a thought.”

Jake intensifies the gaze he has on Amy as she says this. “Hmm, looks like someone digs the beard look, huh?”

“Shut up,” Amy says with a blush. “Let’s just start going through the script– oh crap.”

“What?” Jake asks in confusion.

“I just remembered that we put a kiss scene in there. Jake... we’re going to have to kiss again.”

Jake cracks up this, straight up guffawing at the situation. “No way, again? This is happening again?”

“I know! I’m sorry, Jake.”

“Don’t be,” he assures with a shake of his head. “We have to kiss for so much other stuff anyway, it’s like... water off a duck’s back at this point. Or something. What I’m loving about all this is how we so stupidly played ourselves.”

Amy properly relaxes about the whole having to kiss Jake again situation, and starts chuckling at this. “You’re right, we really, we really did play ourselves this time around. It’s our fault we have to kiss again, can you believe that?”

“Weirdly, I can believe that and much more. We’re idiots.”

“Can’t disagree with that.”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY CAFETERIA, 1205 HOURS, LUNCH**

Unlike the audition round, wherein everyone performed the same script, and not getting to rehearse before performing in front of the judges was one of the purposefully planned challenges, all semi-final participants are given the chance to rehearse, and go through all the costumes and props that they will be using for their skit. This is all possible due to the short duration of the semi-final skits, as opposed to the long script everyone was given for the audition that took nearly an hour to perform.

In addition to being allowed to rehearse, contestants are also allowed to watch the rehearsals of other schools. Having heard that they’ve been grouped with Wuntch’s school today, Jake and Amy take this opportunity check out their competition.

Neither Jake nor Amy expect much from Wuntch’s team, because if Wuntch had to pull strings to get them this special semi-final round, they must’ve done terribly during the audition.

But then the duo from Wuntch’s school turn out to be two incredibly talented girls, who have amazing chemistry on stage. They even sing at some point, and Amy is left confused after they finish rehearsing because as far as she was concerned, Wuntch’s team was a couple which had broken up before the audition, thus damaging their chemistry. Did they get back together? Or patch back their chemistry somehow? Amy isn’t sure what to make of it.

Anyway, as it turns out, Wuntch’s team also watched Jake and Amy’s rehearsal, because they approach the two (who are drinking chicken soup) at the cafeteria.

“Hey,” one of the girls (who Amy finds gorgeous, in fact, they’re both gorgeous) waves. “We saw your rehearsal just now, it was fantastic.”

“I never thought I’d be emotionally compromised by a ten minute love story involving a boy with goat legs, but it happened,” says the other pretty girl. Amy worries that it might be too much beauty for her to handle, but she supposes that their good looks might have been why Wuntch picked them for the youth arts presentation festival. Along with their brilliant acting (and singing) skills.

“Oh, thank you,” Jake says, half in genuine gratitude, half wary that they’re going to pull something, since they’re from Wuntch’s school. “You girls were great too. Uh, what are your names? We kind of... only know you as the team whose director is our director’s arch nemesis.”

Both of the girls laugh. “I’m Chloe,” says the auburn-haired one. “And this is Beca, my beautiful girlfriend,” she continues, referring to the brunette, who flushes at her praise.

“Aw, you two are a couple?” Jake gushes, which leads Amy to believe that Charles never told him about how Wuntch’s team had been a couple. This is something she knew, obviously, but she’s thrown by the fact that they’re still a couple. So did they break up during the audition, or?

“Yeah, we are a couple. Wuntch kind of tried to break us up, so we retaliated by screwing the audition up on purpose,” Beca regales.

“Too bad she managed to get this weird semi-final thing started,” says Chloe. “She tried to tell some of her director friends that we screwed up the audition because we broke up and everything. She was trying to change our school’s representatives too, but since we already performed for the audition, the committee wouldn’t allow it.”

“Woah,” Jake exhales with a shake of his head. “Wuntch really is terrible. Did she– did she try and break the two of you up because you’re both girls?”

They shake their heads.

“Wuntch isn’t homophobic. Which is... probably one of the few good things about her. She wanted us broken up because we’re co-stars, and she thinks that being a couple will distract us both from the craft. Which is stupid.”

“Our director has a similar rule,” Jake pipes up. “Funny how that’s a thing, seeing how much they hate each other.”

“Oh, we were told that Holt and Wuntch used to be friends. But she made a move on him and he turned her down. According to her, he mocked her for liking him and proceeded to screw her over. Probably not the full truth, but we think that because we hate her.”

Jake and Amy exchange looks in surprise over this new information.

“In fact, we hate her so much, we’ve decided not to try and win this stupid competition. She wants us to get her first honors so badly. We decided to do well enough to make it through this round, but then we’ll just do whatever for the finals. She can’t touch us anymore, we’re graduating this year.”

“Okay,” Jake nods. “You’ve officially earned our trust. Please sit at our table,” he offers.

The two girls slide into empty seats with cheerful smiles. “Thank you. Everyone else here seems sucky. There’s a disgusting dude who keeps hitting on us. I’m this close to hitting _him_.”

Jake and Amy groan in unison.

“Let me guess,” Amy sighs. “This dude who keeps hitting on the two of you is called Pembroke?”

Beca and Chloe gasp. “How did you know?”

“He’s the worst,” Jake says with a shake of his head and a sip of his soup. “We met him last year. He managed to copy this school’s entire skit for the final round by spying on them practicing in their dressing room. He’s a jerk. We call him the Vulture because he’s the worst.”

Chloe snorts. “He deserves to be called all sorts of names. Anyway, now that we know his nickname, what are your names?”

“Real, not nick, obviously,” interjects Beca.

“I’m Jake.”

“I’m Amy.”

Beca turns to Amy with a shy beam spread on her face. “Okay, I know we’re practically strangers, and I know this is weird to say, since I’m in a committed relationship, but I feel like I’d regret it if I didn’t tell you that you’re literally one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” She turns to look at Chloe, whilst Amy blushes profusely from the compliment. “Sorry, babe. You know I love you, and that you’re still the prettiest in my heart.”

“Oh, I’m not even mad, because of how much I completely agree.” Chloe turns to look at Jake, who has been smiling widely throughout this. “How do you stand being around someone so beautiful all the time?”

Amy’s heart races even faster as she asks this, which seems impossible because two beautiful girls just told her that she’s one of the most beautiful girls they’ve ever seen, but it does, in anticipation and fear of whatever Jake might say.

“I don’t, actually,” he says, which gets a chuckle out of the two girls. “It’s hard to breathe around her sometimes.”

Amy finds it very hard to breathe right now, as Jake says all this.

“Wow,” says Beca.

“I know,” Jake nods. “I don’t know how I find the strength to hang out with her all the time. I guess I must be very brave.”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1426 HOURS, HANGING OUT**

The four end up heading back to Jake and Amy’s dressing room to chat after lunch, because they all ended up having so much fun together, none of them wanted it to stop. They’re trading loads of stories about their theatre experiences, stories about their respective directors, and it’s strange that Jake and Amy even tried to dislike Wuntch’s students at all, because after meeting them, they know they’d never be able to hate these girls.

At some point, Jake is called outside to do something regarding his goat leg props, which leaves Amy alone with Beca and Chloe.

“Hey, uh...” Amy starts nervously. “Is it... hard for the two of you? Being a theatre couple?”

Beca looks at Amy strangely. “Why would it be? Do we look like we’re struggling? Is it hard for you to be a couple with Jake?”

“What?” Amy sputters. “Jake and I aren’t a couple.”

“What?!” Exclaims Chloe. Beca looks just as shocked.

“What gave you that impression?”

“Um, girl? First of all, he can’t keep his eyes, hands, or _attention_ off you. He talks about you like you’re the love of his life, the best thing to grace this stupid earth. And it’s not even behind your back. Who the hell does that?”

“Jake does that. He’s loving and touchy and nicer than he needs to be by nature.”

“Not to that extent. You’re definitely special to him. Dude is obsessed with you– how are the two of you not dating?”

A look of shame frames Amy’s face. “I... actually. There kind of was something between us a while ago, but I ended things. Because, because I was afraid that we’d ruin our... current dynamic.”

The girls look outraged at this.

“Are you an idiot? I thought you were a smart hot girl. But apparently, you’re a _dumb_ hot girl! Why’d you dump him?”

“Look, I’m a huge lesbian, but even I know that a guy like Jake is a real catch.”

“I know, I know,” Amy sighs. “I’ve learnt a lot these past few weeks, and I’ve learnt a lot today– I was wrong, and I should’ve never let Jake go.”

“Then get him back!” Chloe encourages almost frustratedly. “He looks like he’ll come running back at your command. He’s like a puppy. That’ll do anything for you.”

“No,” Amy says with a sad shake of her head. “That’s not happening. He has a girlfriend now.”

“What?!” Beca gasps. “What a whore!”

“Jake’s not a _whore_ ,” Amy insists. “He had to date someone else, he said if he didn’t he’d never get over me and– I suppose he has now. Anyway, Jake was bound to start dating someone else. People are so easily drawn to him, it’s insane.”

“I disagree,” disagrees Chloe. “He still seems hung up on you, it all makes sense now. You should still tell him how you feel. I mean, what’s the point of him getting over you if he doesn’t need to?”

Amy shakes her head profusely. “Please don’t tell Jake anything. He’s got such a good thing going on right now, and I don’t want to ruin it. I’ve ruined him enough.”

Just then, Jake barges back into the dressing room. “Hey girls, what’s going on?”

“I called you a whore,” Beca says with a shrug.

“Uh... why did you call me a whore?”

“No reason. How are your goat legs?”

“Hairy and hoof-y.”

Amy grins, both genuinely and also as a nervous reaction to keep whatever she’s discussed with Beca and Chloe a secret. “Exactly the way goat legs need to be, right?”

“Yeah,” Jake beams back at Amy, like she’s the reason he glows so much. “Get ready to fall madly in love with them, and I don’t mean just on stage.”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY LOBBY, 1639 HOURS, LEAVING THE BUILDING**

Jake and Amy are ecstatic over the performance they gave the judges for the semi-final round. Even if they were to admit it themselves, they put on a fantastic show. Sure, it was only a ten minute play, and sure, it was a love story between a boy with goat legs and a regular human girl, but it was a great play nonetheless, and they both feel like they killed it out there.

“We’re definitely going to make it to the finals,” Jake says confidently. “Ready to go home now?”

“Yeah–“ Amy starts, but then she’s interrupted by someone familiar.

“Jake! Amy! Over here!” Sophia waves to the two of them near the exit with a smile on her face.

“Sophia?” Jake says with a hint of surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I came here to surprise you, idiot. Come on, I’ll give the both of you a ride back home.” She then digs out her phone, as if just remembering something. “Also, very quickly–“ she shows Jake some pictures on her phone–“I was window shopping earlier, which of these do you think I should wear to prom?”

“Cool, who are you going to prom with?”

Sophia looks up at Jake incredulously. “Who else would I be going to prom with if not you?”

“Oh, right. But– I’m already going to prom with Amy.”

“Wait, what?”

Jake freezes up as she says this, realizing very very quickly that he’s made a huge mistake.

Amy, on the other hand, is just as terrified as she is confused. Why does Jake– does he, does he think they’re still going to prom together? Was it a subconscious assumption?

What exactly is going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HI what’s Up it’s ya goat 
> 
> Haha bc the goat legs thing remember I wanted to write a crack fic about that once and now I probably don’t need to 
> 
> Yes this chapter is the Amy Slowly Realizes She’s Made A Mistake Chapter 
> 
> If ur still pissed bc Jake and Amy aren’t together yet pls be patient okay SOON I PROMISE SOON it’s a Bummer bc the fic timeline is much shorter than the Real Life timeline in which this is being posted like the time between one chapter and the next one could be 2 seconds or a day but instead y’all wait about a week to find out ANYWAY pls be nice to me I still hope this was entertaining!!!! And made you feel something!!!! 
> 
> aaaa yes the Big/Not That Big reveal: Kevin and Holt were ONSTAGE LOVERS that tried to not date but couldn’t help themselves and although Holt still thinks onstage romances are Not Good Kevin is his one beautiful exception to this rule!!! And now Amy has a lot to contemplate/nothing at all to contemplate since it’s obvious what she’s allowed to want depending on how you see it 
> 
> Jake’s nightmares: are still happening but as you can see homeboi is taking CONTROL and fighting back bc he’s healing a bit and even though he’s not healed all the way knowing the truth and hearing from Amy how amazing and great and perfect he is is helping a lot 
> 
> ALSO: im p sure people who have watched pitch perfect know who beca and Chloe are, I needed lesbians and well I know they aren’t canon but gdi I’m salty about this but this isn’t the right time and also if u think they aren’t in character ur probably right I was just using them as plot devices mmhmm yeah 
> 
> Anyway OH NO JAKE JUST FUCKED UP WHATS GONNA HAPPEN
> 
> don’t forget to tell me ur Thoughts!!!!


	24. come back

**FANCY LOBBY, 1643 HOURS, REALLY JAKE???? REALLY????**

“Okay uh... what do you mean you’re already going to prom with Amy?”

“It’s stupid, really–“ Amy interrupts, trying to sound casual but her voice comes out mostly desperate–“Jake and I agreed to go to prom as friends a while back. We got into this dumb fight, and to prove that he cared about our friendship, Jake rejected everyone who asked him out to prom and decided to take me. As friends.”

“Yeah,” Jake adds with a nervous smile and a single finger gun. “Platonic stylez.”

“Oh...” Sophia nods supportively, despite finding this whole situation very very weird. “That’s... nice? I guess?”

“But neither of us were dating back then, and obviously, now that Jake’s dating you– he should be taking you to prom. There’s no question about it, so, don’t worry.”

Sophia looks more relieved now. “That’s great.”

“Are you sure?” Jake asks Amy. “I did kind of make you a promise, maybe we could work out a thing where all three of us–“

“Don’t be silly–“ Sophia interjects. “Amy’s gorgeous, she’ll find a date in no time. Don’t force her to third wheel on a prom date, you’ll only be holding her back.”

“Right,” Jake says, gritting his teeth. “That idea sounded a lot better in my head. Like most ideas do.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1638 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

Jake twirls Amy on stage, as part of their dance routine for the scene, his heart breaking a little at the thought that he’ll never get to twirl her like that for prom. He really shouldn’t feel at all despondent about this turn of events– Sophia is his girlfriend now, of course that automatically makes her his prom date, and of course he should be happy, heck, he should be _proud_ to take her to prom.

_But he isn’t._

“Hey, uh–“ he speaks to Amy in a quiet voice, but ensures it’s at a volume where she can hear him. They’ve started rehearsing for the dance scene in full– with the ensemble and other actors dancing in the scene with them now. Music is blaring at a full but not jarring volume (because after all, sound is handled by the great Rosa Diaz herself, and she never screws it up), so his voice is drowned out for everyone else in the vicinity. “Are you sure you’re okay about the whole prom thing?”

Amy discreetly checks to make sure that Holt can’t hear them, which Jake was already pretty sure of, but Amy is nothing if not meticulous and careful. Relieved to see him conversing with his husband about something or the other, Amy responds with a short “yes” to Jake’s question, making sure her lips don’t move too much, because as previously mentioned, Amy is nothing if not meticulous and careful.

“Oh. Do you already have another date?”

“How would I?” Amy says incredulously, speaking normally now because her back is turned against Holt. “Everyone assumed I was going with you, I’m pretty sure people stopped looking at me as an option ages ago.”

“Well there’s still time. Maybe–“

“Jake.” They step in towards each other, then step out away from each other. “Save it, it’s fine. I don’t care about having a date to prom.”

“But you’re still going to prom, right?” He asks, looking uneasy at the prospect of her not attending prom at all.

“Yeah, sure. We’ll all hang out together at some point. Maybe I won’t end up dancing, but that’s okay, since I’m not a huge dancer anyway. Maybe– maybe I’ll even sign up to be a student chaperone, who knows.”

Jake looks very unreceptive to this idea. “No, no no! You can’t be a student chaperone, you’ll have to, have to dress differently, I think. So you won’t get to dress up.”

“Isn’t that better, though?” She retorts. “I’ll save time looking for a dress.”

Jake bites his lip to refrain from telling Amy how badly he wants to see her dressed up, because there’s no normal reason for him to. He quickly searches for another equally worrying excuse. “Okay, but, if you’re a student chaperone, you’d have like, stuff to do, responsibilities and all that, so you wouldn’t be able to hang out with us that much. Which is a bummer, because the whole point of prom is to hang out with your friends.”

“I guess you’re right,” Amy assents. “Maybe I should look for a date to prom, so that I’m not that one singleton in a group of couples. I heard Charles is going to prom with Genevieve, that girl he volunteers at the pet shelter with.”

“Yeah, I heard too! Charles is practically in love with her. I’ve had to remind him hundreds of times that asking her to adopt a dog with him is not a chill thing to do, especially since they haven’t even been on a date yet.” Jake clears his throat. “Also, uh, if there’s anyone you want to go to prom with, just say the word and I’ll hint very strongly at them that you’re prom date-less.”

“Thank you, Jake,” Amy says sincerely, despite not having anyone in mind, because the only person she wants taking her to prom at all is right in front of her, dipping her backwards as part of their onstage dance routine.

Sadly, they can’t plan any dances together for prom night, because they won’t be dancing together at all.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0308 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

“I just don’t get it,” Nightmare Amy laments. “I keep trying, so so hard, to stay mean and cruel, but somehow one way or another, I end up kissing him, or holding him until the dream fades or– _having sex with him.”_

She says the last bit in a hushed whisper, as if she’s unhappy about that fact, for the benefit of Sex Dream Amy, whose job is to play out sex dreams. Scripted sex dreams, that is. Nightmare Amy feels like she’s been having more sex in dreams than Sex Dream Amy has (which is none at all, these days, since she’s not allowed to even _see_ Sex Dream Jake and Mastermind Jake has banned all scripted sex dreams until further notice).

“Why don’t you just lean into it? I mean, if he’s refusing to crack anyway, then nothing can break him, right? Just take advantage of the situation and have all the sex.” Sex Dream Amy proclaims all of this in a whimsical air. She’s trying out different types of underwear and checking herself out in the mirror. Right now, she’s got on a neon yellow something that seems to be made out of lace and silk. Weirdly, she makes it work, which is crazy because neon yellow is probably one of the least sexy colors in existence– but then again, Amy in general is already crazily hot, and Sex Dream Amy was literally conceptualized with the purpose of being utterly irresistible. So really, it’s no surprise that she pulls off neon yellow lingerie.

“Ugh, I wish I could have all the sex. But my literal job is to torture Jake in nightmares. The word ‘Nightmare’ is _literally_ in my name. Besides, having sex in dreams is your job, and I doubt you want me stealing it, right?”

Sex Dream Amy shrugs, randomly snapping her fingers to change her outfit. She goes from looking like a Victoria Secret model, to being covered with tattoos in the hottest places imaginable, to wearing very attractive swimwear that shows off everything she has to be proud of.

“I don’t know, I don’t think I care about having sex in sex dreams anymore. Like, that was fun, and Sex Dream Jake was fun, but I’ve moved on, you know? I can have as much sex as I want, even if I’m not in a sex dream.”

This gets Nightmare Amy looking very suspicious as she pieces everything together. “Wait– you used to be so torn up about not getting to see Sex Dream Jake anymore, what’s going on? And how are you having sex if you can’t see Sex Dream– _oh_.” Nightmare Amy’s eyes widen, and she turns around, getting up to stride towards Sex Dream Amy. “Is there someone else now?”

Sex Dream Amy blushes, running her fingers through her perfectly curled hair, shy as ever. “Maybe?”

“Come on, just tell me!” Nightmare Amy giggles excitedly.

“Okay, fine!” She relents in the same giggly tone. “It’s... Current Events Jake.”

“Oh yeah, I totally get that. It’s the glasses, right?”

“Mainly, yes.”

Nightmare Amy nods in agreement. “He’s a charmer alright. I mean, they all are, but there’s something about him? He knows so much more than the other Jakes, and he’s always telling me about recent events that have transpired in Jake’s life so I can better torture him. He’s the best.”

Sex Dream Amy’s eyes narrow with jealousy at Nightmare Amy. “That’s cool and all, but keep your hands to yourself, okay? He’s mine.”

Nightmare Amy scoffs at this. “Are you seriously getting jealous? We’re _literally_ the same person.”

“I don’t care, I’m not sharing him.”

“Whatever, I don’t need him. I had sex with dozens of Jakes the other day.”

“Woah!” Sex Dream Amy looks blown away by this. “How did that happen?”

“I asked ‘who wants to have sex with me?’ and well... all of them just followed. It was... an interesting time.”

Sex Dream Amy’s lips are in a pout. “Was Current Events Jake there?”

“He was in the room when I asked, but I didn’t see him, no. So you can rest easy.” Nightmare Amy gets up and prepares to leave. “Anyway, I have to get going. Need to find inspiration for my next nightmare.”

“Maybe... see what you can find in the kitchen?”

“The kitchen?”

“I don’t know, they have like, knives there.”

“And what am I supposed to do with a knife? Stab Jake– oh wait. That’s actually...”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0513 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#7: DANCING AT PROM)**

His feet shuffle back and forth mindlessly as he slow dances. His hands are around someone– he can’t see their face, they could be Sophia, his dad, Uncle Sal from Sal’s Pizza, or Bigfoot. Jake can’t tell.

All he knows, is that he’s not holding Amy. He knows Amy all too well, and this is not her. He’s not holding her, and he’s feeling very uneasy about it because all he wants is to be with her, yet she’s nowhere to be seen. He wants her to be his prom date, he wants her to be his dance partner, he wants her in his arms.

But the most pressing desire he has at the moment, is to see her. He just needs to see her. Where is she anyway? She’s usually in his nightmares from the second they start, and as much as it hurt to have a nice normal dream turn horrible and deadly, he’d rather have Amy here, yelling all sorts of insults at him, than not have her here at all.

Just when all hope seemed lost, Jake feels a tap on his shoulder and comes face to face with Amy when he turns around. He’s so happy, so incredibly relieved, that he doesn’t seem to care that she’s got a sinister smile going on and a knife raised up high above him, ready to strike.

“Thank god you’re here,” he heaves, as fear and emptiness leave his body, confusing the absolute hell out of Amy as he hugs her.

“Jake, did you not notice the knife I’m holding right now? Why are you hugging me?”

“Because I missed you so much,” Jake plants a kiss next to Amy’s nose, and she blushes where his lips burn into her skin.

“I’m literally about to kill you, why don’t you care?”

“You’re so beautiful, and I love you so much,” Jake worships Amy with his touch, sliding his arms around her waist.

“Even if I murder you?” Amy says, as if to remind Jake about her impending attack since his response fails to indicate if he’s even capable of hearing her.

“Stab me as much as you want after I kiss you.”

He leans in after this, and Amy loses herself in the waves of his adoration once again. Finding herself weak and silently conceding defeat again, she drops her knife (into an alternate dimension) and leans into the kiss.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0545 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

“God damnit, what is _wrong_ with this girl?” Gina groans as she watches the ongoing dream from the surveillance room, gently knocking her head against the table. She’s doing this in frustration, obviously, but doesn’t use any actual force because she’d never want to hurt herself.

“I told you,” Sex Dream Amy says as she adorns her hair with accessories. “Jake’s gotten confident and all that, so it doesn’t matter what Nightmare Amy says. He’s not going to care.”

Currently, Sex Dream Amy is sporting a colorful floral print lingerie, and it is as much pretty as it is sensual. Appropriately, she’s got something that looks like a butterfly stuck in her hair. She’s putting a lot of effort into her look today, because being sexy is good and all, but she wants Current Events Jake to fall in love with her.

“Ugh, what a load of crap,” gripes Gina. “How do we take away that confidence so he’s all broken again?”

“I don’t think we can, it really depends on what happens to Jake in real life. We just live in his head. We can’t do anything other than give him dreams.” She turns to Gina after she says this, completely done getting ready now. “How do I look?”

“Who cares? It’s not like we have any sex dreams coming up soon,” Gina dismisses with a huff, still clearly affected by the failed nightmare attempts.

Sex Dream Amy scoffs, pointing at the screen. “Are you telling me that’s not a sex dream?”

Gina rolls her eyes. “I mean _planned_ sex dreams. As in, ones _you’re_ supposed to be in. Not crap like that.”

“I feel like that’s on par with some of my work though.”

“Whatever,” Gina sighs. “Go look for Current Events Jake, maybe something else happened to Jake that we missed earlier, or maybe he woke up recently and saw a devastating text before any of the dreams started.”

Sex Dream Amy can’t resist the urge to break out into the widest grin she’s able to pull. She’s lucky Gina isn’t looking at her, and also just can’t be bothered with her facial expressions in general. “With pleasure,” she says truthfully, before running out of the room.

She finds Current Events Jake in his office, of course, reviewing recent memories from Jake’s life. He’s constantly working, having hours of footage to sort through at all times. Before he met Sex Dream Amy, he hardly ever left that office of his. But she doesn’t mind that he’s such a workaholic. His office is the most perfect place, actually. No one else is ever there, and the only light they ever get in the room comes from computer screens. Oddly, it’s a really romantic place. One time, when she went to surprise him by dropping by his office, he had a surprise for her already– candlelit dinner and wine for two. He pulled out her chair for her and everything, there were even tablecloths and napkins folded into swans. Needless to say, Sex Dream Amy was charmed. She’s been falling in love with him ever since. She’s been falling in love with Current Events Jake since the day she met him, actually.

At the moment, he’s got about six to eight screens worth of footage playing simultaneously, and his eyes dart around to watch and absorb everything at once. He’s in deep concentration, which Sex Dream Amy loves, and the sleeves of his white button down are rolled up to his elbows, which she loves even more. She watches in awe as he straightens his glasses, then crosses his arms. He’s barely doing anything and yet she’s falling apart for him.

“Hey baby,” she calls out, smiling as Current Events Jake telepathically pauses all footage, spinning around at the sound of her voice, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. “Miss me?”

“Well you weren’t here earlier, so obviously all I could think about was you.”

His feet seem to be of a one track mind, the track being one that directly leads to Sex Dream Amy. When he reaches her, arms encircle her waist; he chortles gleefully because he’s holding the embodiment of bliss in his hands, and she’s clinging onto him just as tight.

“Are you sure?” She teases. “I saw you looking pretty hard at those screens earlier. Didn’t look like you were thinking about me.”

“ _I’m always,_ ” he rasps, unnecessarily punctuating with a kiss to the corner of her lip, “ _thinking about you._ ” He moves and properly kisses her on the lips now. “And you know I have to work, babe. Everyone would be on my ass if I don’t know what’s going on. And then they might try to stop me from seeing you.”

Sex Dream Amy frowns at this prospect. “Fine. I get it. I still think your job sucks. You’re the busiest one. And usually, seeing people half-ass their jobs turn me off, but I just want you all to myself, all the time. And I’m unemployed, so I have a lot of time that I want to spend with you.”

He strokes her hair, admiring the pretty butterfly ornament she has in it. “You’re not unemployed, babe, you’re just not being made to work at the moment. Which is good for me, because your job literally involves... sex. With someone who’s not me.”

He clears his throat uncomfortably, and Sex Dream Amy slides her hands up to the back of his neck to bring him back to her. “Hey, don’t think about that, okay? He means nothing to me now, you know you’re my entire world. And if it makes you feel better, I’ll have you know that I don’t even want to work again. Ever. What’s the point of having a job anyway? We don’t get paid, everything in this universe is free– we don’t even have a form of currency. I can conjure most things just by thinking about them.”

“That is true,” agrees Current Events Jake.

“The only thing I can’t conjure is you,” she says solemnly.

“Well, at least you know where to find me.”

She smiles, pressing herself closer to him. “So... now that I’ve found you, what are you going to do about it?”

“You’re about to find out. But, just so you have a heads up, a lot of it is going to involve your back against my desk. I already swept everything off it, so, _this way_ , my lady.” He says the last bit in a fanciful voice, making her chuckle because he’s ridiculous, and leads Sex Dream Amy to his (telepathically swept clean) desk with an outstretched hand like he’s dragging her out on the dance floor.

“Ooh, I already love the sound of this,” Sex Dream Amy hums as she hops onto his desk. “Promise you’ll make me scream your name till your screens crack?”

“Only if you promise to try and keep quiet. You know how much I like to work for it.”

“ _So hardworking,_ ” she drawls as she pulls him in by his tie, because of fucking course Current Events Jake is wearing one. It’s plain black, and Sex Dream Amy has had her eye on it for a while. She loves the way the necktie coils around her hand and wrist, loves the control she feels at getting to tug on the tie, demand more from him as she does so. She can’t wait to get her wrists tied together with this tie too. There’s so many ways this can all go down, and Sex Dream Amy wants to experience every single way she can have sex with Current Events Jake.

“Only for you,” he groans as his lips get slick against hers, hands already reaching for her underwear so he can feel what’s underneath it; he’s already so hungry for her, so needy for her.

A whimper drags from Sex Dream Amy’s lips and a whine follows it without so much as a pause, Current Events Jake’s fingers already rubbing and pressing hard against where she’s most sensitive– she’s been thinking about this all day, chasing this desire all day—

So it’s a real pity that the door opens right then; an intruder walks in, so Current Events Jake is forced to pull away from Sex Dream Amy. They’re both ready to kill whoever interrupted them.

“Hey... nerdy dude? Guy who knows stuff?”

Current Events Jake and Sex Dream Amy both freeze.

_It’s Sex Dream Jake._

“Uh... hey buddy–“ Current Events Jake runs towards Sex Dream Jake in an attempt to prevent him from venturing deeper into the room. Sex Dream Amy, on the other hand, takes advantage of the bad lighting in the room and hides herself as best as she can. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for Sex Dream Amy, y’know. What I’m pretty much always doing these days because everyone is fucking playing keep-away with her. I mean, not letting us be in sex dreams is one thing, but not even letting me see her? That’s just cruel. I miss her so goddamn much.”

Sex Dream Amy has to admit, her heart sours as Sex Dream Jake says all this. A small, fleeting part of her longs for him, but mostly, she feels weighed down with guilt. This same guilt quickly flashes across Current Events Jake’s face.

“Yeah, dude. That uh, that– it sucks, what you’re going through.”

“I’ve looked for her everywhere. No one’s seen her. They’re all probably lying, but then again... they’re all idiots. You’re the smart dude here, you seen her around?”

Current Events Jake makes a low, guttural sound, but it manages to come out awkward all the same. “No. I’ve been in here all day, you know. Same old, same old. Haven’t seen anyone, actually.”

“Yeah, right,” Sex Dream Jake scoffs playfully, grinning in the direction of Sex Dream Amy, who tries even more desperately to hide herself as he starts making his way to her. “You’ve been in here getting nasty all day, haven’t you? Who’s in here anyway?”

“UH, NO ONE!” Current Events Jake tries to discreetly block Sex Dream Jake from the shadowy figure on his desk, but Sex Dream Jake doesn’t even realize he’s being blocked (because Current Events Jake is doing a crappy job of blocking him) and pushes past him easily.

“Oh, come on, I want to see who you paid to be here with you!” He laughs. “Just kidding. Cash doesn’t exist here, and I always knew you had game, dude, you’re just always holed up in this hell hole. I thought you didn’t even _like_ sex.”

“Well, I do, I like sex a ton, so could ya– you know, get out so I can have it?”

Current Events Jake’s nervous state is amusing to Sex Dream Jake. “Calm down, dude. I’ll head on right out, just wanted to see which Amy you’re with.”

Sex Dream Amy sits up as Sex Dream Jake inevitably approaches her. Right. She looks exactly the same as all the other Amys. She just has to pretend to be– _her_ , but a version that’s not _her-her,_ so that Sex Dream Jake is none the wiser.

“Hey,” she greets. “Sex Dream Jake was it?”

She pretends not to know who Sex Dream Jake is in hopes of keeping her cover, but this backfires, largely due to Sex Dream Jake’s big fat ego.

“Wait, you don’t even know me? Which Amy are you?” Sex Dream Jake crosses his arms. “Dude, did you and your nerd glasses create a new Amy somehow? I need a closer look–“

With a snap of his fingers, Sex Dream Jake illuminates the entirety of Current Events Jake’s office, and Sex Dream Amy, in her scantily clad glory, parts of her outfit already pulled on, tugged on, such that a strap here has slipped off her shoulder, a garter there has slid down past her knee.

“Fuck,” Current Events Jake hears Sex Dream Jake say, and it’s a thought that echoes in his mind. The dim lights were nice and all, but getting to see Sex Dream Amy in this disheveled, mid-sex state, it does him in in the best way possible. He makes a mental note to keep the lights on more. Maybe dim enough so that things stay romantic, but bright enough so that he can always, always see all of Sex Dream Amy like this. Perhaps a soft mix of amber and orange, covering her in a gentle glow.

But then his thoughts are dashed by Sex Dream Jake’s next realization.

“Wait, fuck–“ he audibly gulps, aroused, but also, his heart is falling to the pit of his stomach in broken pieces, burning in acid. It’s a gross depiction of his current emotions, but disgust just happens to be the only emotion he currently understands. “No, no– this is–“

He points, looking absolutely betrayed and scarred. “You’re her. You’re Sex Dream Amy.”

“Whaaaaaaaaat?” Sex Dream Amy and Current Events Jake say nervously.

“I’m not– I’m not Sex Dream Amy. Who even is she?”

Sex Dream Jake shakes his head, eyes already filling with tears. “No, don’t– don’t even bother trying to lie to me. You’re her– you’re my–“ he bites his lip hard. “No one else would dress like this. No one else could look half as hot as you. Half as beautiful as you. No one else would put a butterfly in their hair. You used to do that for me, remember? You would always say it was to make me fall in love with you. Well it worked. You made me fall in love with you. Maybe it wasn’t the butterfly, no wait, it _definitely_ wasn’t the butterfly, that was just cute–“

“Jake–“ Sex Dream Amy interrupts, heart bursting into flames.

“Yeah?” Current Events Jake says on instinct, because despite being the sharpest of the lot of them, he’s still, well, he’s still Jake.

“ _Oh my god,_ I’m pretty sure it’s obvious I’m not talking about you.”

“Right. It would be weird to call him Sex Dream Jake. That feels like something that’s only okay to say in third person, or in prose. Definitely not in second person. Or is that first person? I’ll shut up now.”

Sex Dream Amy ignores him, and looks at Sex Dream Jake. “Look, I’m really sorry you had to find out this way.”

Sex Dream Jake wipes his tears away, looking tougher and more resilient now. “Tell me– tell me he was just a rebound. That he meant nothing to you, that you were just trying to follow the rules because you weren’t allowed to see me–“

“I’m sorry, Jake. I can’t lie to you.”

“I’m sorry too,” chimes in Current Events Jake. “I was... I was the one who was assigned with keeping you away from her.”

Sex Dream Jake’s Adam’s apple bobs shakily in his throat. “I can’t believe this.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Once again, I truly am.” She apologizes fervently. “But what can I say? He–“ she points, gesturing to Current Events Jake. “He has glasses.”

“But–“ Sex Dream Jake protests, falling apart again and again and again. “But I have a suit jacket with _six_ buttons.”

“I know.” Sex Dream Amy sighs inwardly. She’s giving very shallow reasons for why she’s choosing to be with Current Events Jake, over Sex Dream Jake. She has deeper, more romantic reasons for this, but she supposes it would be better for Sex Dream Jake to hear false shallow reasons than the deep and hurtful truth. “But his has seven.”

“Damn it!” Sex Dream Jake curses, looking in awe at Current Events Jake. “Why are you so damn cool? And hot, and... wait, never mind, I’m getting distracted. Uh, I have, I have abs!”

As if to prove this point, Sex Dream Jake lifts up his shirt, his face hopeful. Sex Dream Amy gives his body one brief, wistful look before she snaps out of it.

“And, they’re cool as ever but. I’m sorry. I’m not going to be with you. I like him now.”

Sex Dream Jake purses his lips, whilst Current Events Jake looks relieved.

“Fine, fine. I respect your wishes. I’ll leave you alone. But... just so you know, this isn’t the end. I’m not giving up. I’m going to show you that I’m still an option, and I’ll prove why you should pick me instead of him. Remember, babe– the first two words of our names are the exact same. That’s just one of the things that make us soulmates. I love you. Peace out.”

And with that, Sex Dream Jake turns to leave, dragging Current Events Jake along with him, because he’s still petty as hell, and no way will he survive (the heartbreak and embarrassment) if Current Events Jake and Sex Dream Amy start having sex again the moment he turns his back.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S ROOM, 1830 HOURS, ON THE PHONE WITH KYLIE**

“I mean... I feel zero sympathy for you at this point,” Kylie shrugs after hearing about the entire prom shebang. “Just get back together with him!”

“No, Kylie! You’re supposed to tell me the _opposite_ of that!” Amy insists with a scoff, because she put Kylie in charge of reminding her why she can’t date Jake in times of crisis, such as when Amy’s feeling weak and wants to start dating Jake, a feeling that’s been plaguing her more frequently as of recent, a feeling that Kylie’s only helped exacerbate when they talk.

Which well, Amy can’t really blame her for. Getting Kylie to be in charge of telling her not to date Jake was a bad idea in and of itself, especially since she’s been telling Amy to date Jake for the longest time. And yes, she’s changed her mind about that– she wants Jake like crazy, but he has a girlfriend now, and expecting Jake to break up with Sophia just because she’s _suddenly_ decided she wants to be with him (for real in a committed sense, because being with Jake was always something Amy craved, she just thought it was something prohibited because she didn’t allow herself to prioritize her happiness, which was kind of immature. It hurts her ego to think about, but it’s true) would be so incredibly selfish.

“You think it’s easy? Why don’t you tell me why _you_ shouldn’t date Jake? Yeah, you know what, it’s been a while since you told me all your little reasons for not dating him. Let’s review them again, shall we?”

“What?” Amy says shakily. “I... okay. Well, the first one was, uh.”

“Oh god, you’re taking forever. Okay the first one I can think of is that you were worried he’d get in the way of your studies. That you’d be distracted because you’d be dating someone who’s really good at distracting you from studying. Tell me, Amy Santiago, what did you get for those tests you claimed you understudied for because you were with Jake?”

“Uh...” Amy scratches her arm, remembering how uneasy she had been for weeks leading up to getting her test results back. “I got a perfect score for the calculus test. And an... A for the history test. It was technically an A- at first, but my teacher bumped me up because everyone else had done so badly.”

She can somehow hear Kylie’s smile over the phone as she relays this to her. “Which means, that even while you dated Jake, despite what your academically-inclined dumbass thought– getting distracted by him or studying less than you would’ve if you weren’t with him didn’t _actually_ compromise your grades!”

“Yeah, that’s... that is true.”

Kylie crosses her legs, getting all comfortable in her bed now, because she smells the start of her victory in this argument.

“Let’s see... what else did you say back then– oh. You were afraid, that you were going to screw up the relationship, hurt Jake, and that the hurt you caused him would lead to your friendship breaking up.” Kylie places her hand on her hip questioningly, which is a useless gesture to make since she’s talking on the phone. “Last time I checked, repeatedly kissing Jake and sleeping with him despite having already broken up with him messed that boy up bad, dare I say, even broke him? Seeing how he already fell in love with you, I’m pretty sure leaving him then really, really hurt him. More than it would have if you went in for the long haul and things ended up not working out. And according to what you theorized, this would ruin your friendship with Jake. Tell me, given all these depressing ass events, how has that affected your friendship with Jake?”

“It has... it has not. We are still friends.”

“Yes, good friends. Good enough that you still hang out way too much and good enough that he still comes over to your house for dinner sometimes!”

Amy takes a deep, long, and dreary sigh. “Look, Kylie, I get it. You’ve made your point.”

“I know. But I’m not done. I want to debunk everything you’ve ever said because I don’t want to hear you spouting reasons why you shouldn’t be with someone who makes you more happy than I’ve ever known you to be _ever again_.” Kylie sets her phone down, putting it on speaker mode now. She does a little stretch and grabs a pair of sunglasses to look cool (yeah, yeah, she’s all alone in her room, just let her live), before lying down on her bed to keep talking. “Let’s move on to the biggest one: your insufferable need for your director’s approval. Tell me what happened with that one again?”

“It... it turned out that Director Holt has his exceptions to the ‘no dating co-stars’ rule.”

Kylie sits up with a smirk and paws at her counter without looking. She has a few bags of assorted snacks there, and the first bag she grabs has sour cream and onion chips, something she stuffs her mouth with. “Mhmm. Yes.” She quickly chews and swallows half the chips in her mouth. “So, while he disapproves of the _concept_ of you and Jake being together, I’m sure that if he knew how deep things are between the both of you, he’d give the two of you his blessing, right?”

“I guess?”

“The right answer is yes, Amy. I’ve already said bits and pieces of most of this argument, over the past few weeks of hearing all this bullshit unfold. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s riveting to be privy to all these details, to watch you be proven wrong about all this crap– and now, I finally have a concluding argument to debunk the reasons why you broke up with Jake! This whole prom thing? He definitely still wants to take you to prom, which means he definitely still is in love with you, and that dating Sophia hasn’t been helping him get over you at all!”

“Kylie, you’re making too big a deal out of this! Jake was clearly just trying to be a good friend, and wanted to keep his promise.”

“No,” Kylie argues, and says nothing more to back this up because the word speaks for itself. “You used to claim that him being with Sophia would help him get over you, and that Jake probably didn’t actually love you, or that he just falls in love easily.”

“All those things could still be true!”

“But do you want those things to be true? Sweetie, maybe he didn’t fall in love with you because he falls hard and fast. Maybe it’s you. Maybe for him, falling in love with you, specifically, was just, I dunno, effortless? And... felt right to him? Maybe it’ll never stop feeling right for him to love you. So why can’t you admit that you don’t want him to stop?”

Amy gulps, forcing herself to swallow her pain as she continues to overthink things like an idiot. “I don’t. I don’t want him to stop loving me. And I do want to be with him. Not being with him hurts– but I have doubts. What if I only think I’m in love with him, but that’s not what I’m actually feeling? What if falling in love is something else altogether and I’m wrong about it all?”

“Okay. So how do you know if you’re feeling happy or sad? There’s no scale or ruler to measure feelings, my friend. We just have them, and we just have to trust our gut to tell all our little emotions apart. Have you ever felt as intensely for anyone as you have for Jake?”

“No.” She says, voice quiet, voice meek.

“So until then, you’re just going to have to trust that that’s you falling in love. You can redefine that feeling if you ever feel more strongly for someone else. But something tells me... that’s not going to happen. This is as crazy as it’s going to get. And believe me, babe, this is already crazy as all hell.”

Amy’s chest fights its way up and then back down again as her lungs fill with air, as much air as she can force in herself, and freaks out over this. “But... it’s all so fast, why is this all happening so fast? Falling in love shouldn’t feel so fast. I thought it was gradual, a slow buildup, a nice and gentle process. This... this feels like I’m getting hit again and again with feelings and just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore of them, there they go, coming for me again. It just– it feels like it’s been too short a period of time for everything that’s transpired.”

“You know what else is short? Life, and then we die, and we regret things like not dating the hot guy who was in love with us when we were in high school! Who cares if Jake Peralta is a mistake? He’ll be the best mistake you’ll ever make, and after you’re done making and learning from the mistakes you’ll make with this man, you’ll see how he was the right person to take for the ride all along.”

She huffs, tired and hungry. She puts more chips in her mouth, because lecturing her dumb friend works up an appetite, and is also exhausting. She might take a nap soon.

“In short, get your shit together, and date the crap out of him! Bye!”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1603 HOURS, DRAMA CLUB (REHEARSAL)**

Once again, the club convenes around Holt for announcements. He looks very pleased, and his husband, Kevin, also stands by his side as everyone sits on the edge of their non-existent seats (they’re sitting on the stage, which is basically an elevated floor) in excitement.

“I would like to congratulate Jake and Amy for getting into the final round of the youth arts presentation festival again. But as we have already celebrated that, I recommend that we pretend this semi-final round orchestrated by Wuntch never existed in the first place.” He beams genuinely after this, which confuses everyone because he hardly mentions Wuntch’s name before a smile, not unless he’s following the mention of her name with an insult about her.

“Director Holt and I have an announcement to make, that we hope will be well received. We are... getting married.”

The hoots and hollers and shrieks and even tears that follow this announcement nearly shake the roof off the building. Except that doesn’t happen, because it’s physically impossible. And this building is very well constructed. But yeah, people are psyched as hell about this.

“That’s so exciting! But, aren’t the two of you already married?”

“Ah, well,” Holt says, eyes shifting to look lovingly at his husband as he says this. “That is very much true, and I have appreciated each and every day of this marriage. However, as delightful as it was when we first went about that, it went by far too quickly. We never got to savor the moments, and now we feel like a more festive celebration of our love is something we owe to ourselves. We’re renewing our vows.”

“Quite right, Raymond. And this renewal of our vows also means sharing our love with others. That being said, we would like to formally extend an invitation to all of you, to attend our wedding reception. On your best behaviors, of course.”

 

* * *

 

**HOLT AND KEVIN’S HOUSE, 1246 HOURS, WEDDING RECEPTION**

Holt and Kevin’s courtyard is transformed from a beautifully well-kept area to a beautifully well-kept area with chairs and a gorgeous balloon arch where the two happy husbands renew their vows. Said vows, have everyone in tears despite its many oatmeal metaphors, and deliveries that generally lack any variation in tone.

The best wedding any of the drama club members have ever been to only gets better when the reception starts. The chairs in the courtyard are pushed aside so that everyone can engage in tasteful dancing. This dancing is kicked off by Holt and Kevin having their first dance. The words ‘first dance’ are merely ceremonial, because as everyone watches on, it is clear that this isn’t their first tango. Holt and Kevin are masters of the dance floor, and everyone can only watch on in awe as they fail to match up in the slightest.

Food of the very fancy sort is displayed with much elegance in the ground floor of Holt and Kevin’s house– their staircase has been cordoned off, a very understandable thing to do given how many of their wedding guests are invasive high school students. Charles marvels over the food, knowing all their names, and the right way to eat each one; his knowledge and sentiments are completely unrelatable to Jake (as well as half of the club). So obviously, he gives up to look for his other friends on the dance floor. It goes without saying that Gina and Rosa are completely bringing it; Jake finds their energy addictive. He too, wants to dance, but if he goes up to the dance floor without a partner, he’s just going to look lame, and if he tries to join an existing couple, he’s just going to look like a huge third wheel. And there’s nothing worse than third wheeling on a couple dancing.

A brief sweep of the dance floor reveals to Jake that Amy is nowhere to be seen. He tries not to take note of this, but it’s physically impossible for Jake not to notice Amy Santiago. Whether she’s there or not, his brain is always programmed to find out. He is drawn to her by nature at this point– if Amy is present, he makes his way to her one way or another. If she’s not there, he’ll find her, one way or another.

On this day, Jake finds Amy snooping around in Holt and Kevin’s kitchen, apparently doing some reconnaissance on the contents of their pantry. She looks like she’s having the time of her life too, and the scene he happens upon is absolutely priceless, mostly because the flawlessness of her look clashes so harshly with her invasive behavior.

“Hands where I can see them!” Jake commands in his best Holt impression, and is immediately overcome with laughter at Amy’s reaction. She drops the coaster she’s holding and raises both her hands, eyes wide with fear until she realizes she’s only been caught by Jake.

“Really, Jake?” She whispers harshly, doing nothing to dampen his spirits. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Jake? I know not where that handsome student of mine is, I only know that you need to stop going through my stuff like a _thief_ , you thief,” Jake carries on in his Holt impression, not realizing the effect he’s having on Amy. Amy, poor _sweet_ Amy, is right about to melt into a puddle at Jake’s feet. Holt’s deep voice, when used by Holt himself, does nothing to Amy, and merely adds prestige to the way he carries himself. Amy feels nothing more than respect and awe when she hears Holt speak.

But Jake, pulling that low voice like it’s the easiest thing in the world, velvety smooth sounds falling from his ever so tempting lips... she can barely keep it together as her head drowns in the words he says.

Still, she doesn’t show how affected she is by him. Or at least, she tries.

“Jake, I can literally see you. There’s no point in pretending to be Holt when I can tell with one look that you’re not him. Besides, your characterization of Holt is off– he wouldn’t say some of the words you just said.”

She crosses her arms as she completes her last sentence, hoping to add some attitude to her words, and conceal how hard her ovaries are screaming bloody murder right now.

He quirks up an eyebrow, and god, Amy hates his eyebrows so much. Everything about him is so unfairly hot– the kind of hot that sneaks up on you, then attacks you all at once and never stops attacking you. Amy’s been at war with how hot Jake is for the longest time, and she wants so badly to surrender to his touch, wave a white flag for his kiss– but he has a girlfriend, and Amy’s just an idiot who broke up with him.

“Hey, I would never tell you that _your_ characterization of Holt was off!” He complains, exaggerating his pain, because he obviously doesn’t care. “Anyway, are you done snooping around? Because the dance floor is waiting for us.”

Amy nearly drops her (full of important pictures she’s recently taken) phone on the ground when Jake says this.

“Uh. What?”

“I believe I owe you a dance,” Jake vaguely and poorly explains, rolling the balls of his feet up and then back down in nervousness. “You know, since I won’t be dancing with you at prom. I know you said you’re okay with it, but I’m not. I made you a promise, and well, it’s not ideal, but this is the best way I can try to make it up to you.”

 

* * *

 

**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 1437 HOURS, LEAVING HOLT AND KEVIN’S WEDDING RECEPTION**

They had slow danced, and it was as much magical as it was nerve-wracking. Jake and Amy never left the kitchen as they rocked back and forth– they could hear the music well enough; melody traveled through the entire house, and plenty of people were dancing everywhere, so it wasn’t weird.

Okay, it was super weird. For Jake and Amy to have slow-danced in the middle of Holt and Kevin’s kitchen. But they knew dancing in each other’s arms, gently swaying, all pressed up against each other, was a bad idea if anyone saw them. Of course, they knew it meant nothing, but to anyone else with eyes, it might seem scandalous, and rumors might spark which would be detrimental as all heck given Jake’s very much real girlfriend.

When the music had ended, Amy didn’t want to let go of Jake. But she didn’t have to, because he took her hand and dragged her out on the actual dance floor, where they did the funky chicken and other dumb dances with the club. She had the time of her life.

And right now, she’s walking (back home, presumably?) with Jake, and she’s still having the time of her life. Being with Jake is like a constant high that she never wants to stop, the worst and simultaneously best drug ever.

“Man, I never actually ended up eating any of the fancy food earlier,” Jake remarks with a rub of his tummy. “Want to grab something? I didn’t see you eat much either.”

“You’re not wrong. I think I was too busy to eat before I went dancing with you, then I was too busy dancing with you and everyone else to eat.”

Jake grins. “Yeah, too busy stalking all of Holt and Kevin’s stuff to notice there was even food in the first place.”

“Shut up!” She tells him off, yet can’t help but giggle. “That’s not true at all.”

“Name three foods that they had at the wedding.”

“Uh...”

Her prolonged silence has Jake cracking up, spreading to Amy, who quickly laughs along with him.

At this moment, they chance upon Sal’s Pizza, which has them halting their footsteps.

Sal’s Pizza stands in front of them, and memories come flooding back.

“Should we grab something here?”

“Sure. This really brings us back, huh?” Jake briefly scratches the back of his neck. “Felt like it was ages ago. Even though it was... literally last summer.”

“Longest summer of my life– I mean, in a good way,” Amy adds on quickly to address the questioning look Jake throws her way. “We had some fun. And also some less fun times, but that’s all over now.”

“Yeah. Also uh– I feel like I never said this, but... I’m sorry. For making you think I was getting over Sophia by teasing you last summer. I know I still tease you all the time, but that comes from a place of love, and uh, friendship. I’m just sorry if I ever made it seem like... it didn’t. Come from a place of love and friendship, that is.”

Amy’s eyes look like they were _forged_ from the well of love and friendship, because the way she looks at Jake right now radiates light and affection. And if there really is a well of love and friendship, Amy thinks she’s fallen into it, and she’s only falling deeper and deeper in (love and friendship) for Jake as he talks.

“Thanks, Jake. And don’t worry, you’re good. You were always good, even when you thought you weren’t. And to be honest, I don’t care... even if you did use me to get over your heartbreak back then. I don’t want you to be in pain, and I don’t like seeing you in pain.”

Jake looks like he wants to say something at this, but bites down on his words and just smiles.

“Good. Great. So... what are you feeling? Pizza? Pizza bagels?”

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE 5, 1456 HOURS, SHOPPING FOR GINA’S HALLOWEEN-THANKSGIVING-CHRISTMAS THEMED PARTY TO CELEBRATE GETTING INTO THE SEMI-FINAL ROUND OF THE DANCE COMPETITION**

“The budget for this party is a thousand dollars?!” Amy’s jaw drops in disbelief as Jake informs her of this, the latter nodding rapidly in confirmation.

“Yeah. Gina said that we’re allowed to use money leftover in the drama club budget the school allocated for us to have parties and stuff. Such as the post-production party. And whatever this party is. So like, whatever cash we don’t use for the production, we use to go nuts and par- _tay_.”

Amy’s hands tighten around the shopping cart. “Not to be a downer, but doesn’t that kind of indicate that the school is giving us too much money? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m _all_ for a properly-funded drama club, but I’m not sure I’m okay with us being _overfunded_ , especially since that money could very well go into other areas such as maintenance, and improving our school compound.”

Jake hums appreciatively at this. “You know what, that is true. Our school is disgusting and needs a makeover. I mean, we’re graduating, so I wouldn’t care, but good point, Ames.”

Amy beams brightly at his validation.

“Although,” Jake continues. “I will say this for Gina– she’s the thriftiest person I know, and she probably got this much money from scrimping and saving on behalf of the club. Cutting costs and whatnot. I don’t know how it works. But yeah, if not for her, our club would definitely be using that money. So in a way... she kind of earned it?”

“Fair point. I must say though, when I think of Gina, the word ‘thrifty’ hardly comes to mind.”

“She is thrifty though. I mean, she like– _walks_ to school.”

“So do we, Jake.”

“Okay,” Jake concedes sheepishly. “That was a dumb point to bring up. But yeah, Gina always makes sure she doesn’t spend a dime on lunch. I don’t know how she does it, but she always ensures that she stays fed for free.”

“I guess that’s kind of amazing. And it’s not like this party is all that bad. She gave us this nice long list to go through,” Amy smiles, looking through the contents of Gina’s shopping list on her phone. Sure, a part of her wishes the list was on paper, but as far as lists go, Gina’s is a comprehensive and well done one.

Jake snorts, adorning her with his adoring looks. “Why am I not surprised that our shopping list is the highlight of preparing for the party for you?”

“Honestly, I’m half sure this shopping list is going to be the highlight of the entire party in general, not _just_ the preparations.”

Jake fully laughs at this, but slowly stops as he gets struck with a thought.

“Hey, you know what would make this shopping trip even more fun?”

“What?” She asks, already prepared to dismiss it because they already have an amazing list on their hands, and in her eyes, no part of this shopping trip could top that.

“What if, we each take half of the list, and see who can finish their half first?”

Jake practically vibrates with excitement as he sees this idea quickly resonate with Amy, her competitive streak showing itself once again.

“Well, there’s only one thing I can say, Peralta. Good luck, because no one shops faster than a Santiago,” she taunts after they fairly split the list up, each obtaining their own cart for the shopping war of the century.

“I don’t have a good comeback for that, but still, I’m _totally_ going to win.”

“How?”

“Because... I really want to? And this was my idea, so I’m just gonna look foolish if I don’t absolutely crush you at this.”

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE 18, 1508 HOURS, SHOPPING FAST WITH PERALTA AND SANTIAGO BECAUSE THEY REALLY MEAN BUSINESS THIS TIME SO IT’S TIME TO WHACK OUT THOSE LAST NAMES LIKE THEY MAKE THINGS COOLER SOMEHOW**

Amy’s grabbing a few witch hats from the top shelf, having climbed up a step ladder she found on her own instead of asking a staff member for help. She’s not sure whether this is against the rules, but she has no time for whatever protocols Target might have right now. She’s determined to win this thing, and having no idea how close Jake is to finishing shopping for all the items on his list, she has to go at full speed in order to come out on top.

However, stepping up high on the step ladder (thereby leaving her shopping cart unattended) proves to be a huge mistake. Out of nowhere, Jake comes running into her aisle and grabs her cart, making his way off with it.

“Jake! What the hell are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” He freezes in place and turns around to look cheekily at Amy for a moment. “I’m cheating!”

He takes off running again after he proudly declares this, and with a huge gasp, Amy actually leaps off the step ladder, failing to consider the dangers of this move in her pursuit of Jake, the disgusting loser who’s actually resorting to foul play to win right now.

“Give me back my cart!”

“You’ll have to catch me first!”

Amy has no idea how Jake’s managed to run this much at this speed, but apparently his competitiveness motivates him to do things that he would typically be incapable of. Eventually however, Amy still manages to catch up with him, and wraps her arms around his waist in a desperate attempt to keep him from escaping.

“Let go of my cart, you butthead!”

“Butthead? That’s so harsh! Now I can’t let go of this cart out of _pride_.”

“Let go of my cart or I’m tickling you,” she threatens with a frown.

“Well, I’d like to see you try–“

His haughty words are cut off by Amy’s fingers, tickling him into submission as he responds with relentless giggles. Almost immediately, he lets go of Amy’s cart, and even voluntarily crumples to the ground in an attempt to escape her wrath.

But of course, Amy only crouches down with Jake, her hands like spiders crawling all over to give him a thorough tickle. She even ends up straddling him to prevent him from moving away from her.

This proves to be a mistake again. Her weight presses down against his hips, and she appears to have hurt Jake, as he lets out a restrained shriek instead of giggles, and this disturbance stops Amy from tickling him any further.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“UM, THAT’S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT.” His face goes red, and he looks away from her as he repositions himself. “Please, get up, get off–“

Amy doesn’t need to be told twice, and gets up from Jake immediately, even backing away on instinct to give him some space.

Her concern goes through the roof, and she’s worried that Jake may have pulled a muscle.

(She’s not wrong, but she’s very misinformed about the current situation. Jake did pull a muscle, but said muscle wasn’t hurt in this process, it just... got longer. From being pulled, or stretched, if you will.)

“Jake, you’re freaking me out. Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

Jake shakes his head. “I’m good! I’m fine! Could you please pass me that witch hat?”

“Why would you need a witch– OH. Oh my god, Jake, I’m so sor–“

“Please don’t apologize–“ he waves with gritted teeth–“that just makes this feel worse.”

“Right.” Amy nods, biting her bottom lip hard, and grabbing the witch hat, averting her eyes as Jake stands up. “Look, you don’t have to be embarrassed. I know it didn’t mean anything–“

Jake has never wanted to yell at his penis more than he does in this very moment. It’s a very painful moment, and that’s not just because his jeans feel very tight right now. Jake himself knows very well that Amy straddling him to tickle him is not a sexual act, regardless of how hard she accidentally grinds against him. But his penis, oh, his poor, stupid, huge, naive penis, got so badly tricked. And so fast too! Jake could actually _feel_ his blood rushing south, and while he wanted (and still wants) all his blood to run all the way back up north and stay put, there’s nothing he can do except to wait it out and hope his dumb, beautiful dick gets the message quickly.

“It does mean something. This–“ he gestures to his witch hat concealed boner–“is proof that dicks are dumb. Not to, y’know,  _misgender my dick_ , but he’s an idiot! Or she’s an idiot! I don’t know–“

“ _They’re_ an idiot?”

“That’s good, but I think I’ve decided that my penis is a dude now, because of how dumb he is. I mean, he’s gorgeous, but so _dumb_ , you know? Why can’t he just chill?”

“I can’t believe you just called your penis gorgeous,” Amy says, her cheeks heating up because he’s ridiculous, and he strokes his ego more than he strokes himself.

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S HOUSE, 1835 HOURS, THE HALLOWEEN-THANKSGIVING-CHRISTMAS THEMED PARTY™ TO CELEBRATE GETTING INTO THE DANCE SEMI FINAL**

“Got the pizzas?”

Jake and Amy nod as they unload the multiple boxes of pizza from Gina’s car, which they had borrowed to go pick up pizza from the pizza place Gina called. The car ride had been pretty... well, _good_ , considering how they didn’t talk about anything that went down in the supermarket. Jake blasted a ton of Taylor Swift, and peppered in some Carly Rae Jepsen here and there. Which was... it was catchy, and Jake was definitely enjoying himself, and his enthusiasm is the most contagious thing in the world, so Amy has to admit she nodded along and even danced a little to a song or two.

Then they waited a very long time at the pizza place because Gina placed the pizza orders really late (like, right before she told Jake and Amy to go get the pizzas. If one were to guess, Gina may have done this on purpose to force Jake and Amy to spend time together).

Anyway, the point is, Jake and Amy left before all the decorations and party games and basically everything was set up, so when they walk into Gina’s house, they’re shocked and confused by every aspect of the party.

“Uh, what’s going on here?” Amy asks. “Why is everyone wearing a witch hat? Why are you wearing a witch hat?”

Gina turns around and goes to grab some nearby witch hats, plonking them on Jake and Amy’s heads.

“These witch hats basically mean that you’re supposed to be at this party. Like, they’re proof of invitation.”

Amy nods hesitantly at this. She had no idea that was the intended use of the witch hats she helped buy. But she supposes it’s not the worst usage of witch hats she can think of.

“Who did you invite to this party?” Jake wonders in confusion as he looks around Gina’s crowded house. “It looks like a lot of people who shouldn’t be here are here.”

“Eh, basically people I follow back on Instagram. So yeah, not everyone from our club is here.”

Amy adjusts the witch hat on her head, not really liking the feeling. “Hey, so– what if someone took off their witch hat? Would that effectively kick them out of the party?”

“Yeah, unless they’re wearing a sleeve tattoo.” Gina pulls two skull-themed sleeve tattoos out from her pocket, and hands them to Jake and Amy. “If you take off this sleeve tattoo, you’ll really be kicked out.”

“Why have _both_ the witch hat and the sleeve tattoo? Isn’t that counter-productive?” Amy asks as she puts on the sleeve tattoo. She worries about becoming a scene kid, like one taste of it will have her drawing around her eyes with smokey eyeliner or something. Thankfully, she doesn’t feel too crazy about it. The sleeve tattoo just feels like an obstruction, preventing her skin from breathing. “Wouldn’t having just the sleeve tattoo be enough?”

Gina shrugs, adjusting her witch hat which she seems to barely enjoy having on her head. “I don’t know, I was running out of ways to use all this money.”

“I think it’s cool. Definitely gonna lose this witch hat somehow at some point though. Anyway– where do we put all this pizza?”

“Outside the kitchen. Somewhere next to the Santa Claus Piñata.”

“Santa Claus Piñata?” Amy asks skeptically.

“Yeah, everyone takes turns beating the crap out of Santa and when he falls apart Halloween candy pours out. Rosa thought of it, and it’s the best part of this party.”

Neither Jake nor Amy are surprised that Rosa thought of this idea. What Amy is confused by, however, is that there doesn’t actually seem to be any elements of Thanksgiving that have been incorporated into this party.

“Isn’t this supposed to be part of a Thanksgiving too? All I’m seeing in here is Christmas and Halloween.”

“Yeah, it is partially a Thanksgiving party. That’s why I ordered a pizza with turkey in it.”

“But Gina, none of the pizzas you made us pick up had turkey in it.”

“Oh, really?” Gina hums with an unaffected shrug. “Guess we screwed the pooch on that one. Whatever, Charles will probably be wearing a turkey costume when he comes back.”

“Hey Jake, over here!” A voice very obviously belonging to Sophia interrupts, coolly waving to Jake as she walks over. Amy gulps as Sophia wraps her arms around Jake, averting her eyes as they kiss.

“Oh my god, is that, uh, punch?” Her eyes draw to the nearest thing to them, making a beeline to the fruit punch bowl like it’s the best damn drink in the world and she just has to taste it.

“Uh... yeah?” Gina looks at Amy weirdly, yet somehow also knowingly, watching Amy desperately fill up a Red Cup™ with fruit punch, downing it like she’s been dehydrated for days.

“Oh god, that’s– so good!” She immediately fills up the cup again as she hears Sophia moan against Jake’s lips, unsure why the fruit punch burns as she swallows it. Maybe it’s the bitterness she has gathered at the back of her throat, or maybe this fruit punch happens to suck. Regardless, it’s a very weird tasting drink, and if not for the horrible awkwardness she’s feeling at the moment, or the increasing urge she has to cry, she wouldn’t so much as touch the stuff. Instead, she downs at least seven cups of the stuff as Sophia has her fill of Jake, wanting to cry even more with each sip. She only stops once Sophia drags Jake off to play some party games.

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S HOUSE, 1948 HOURS, THE HALLOWEEN-THANKSGIVING(BUT NOT REALLY)-CHRISTMAS THEMED PARTY™ TO CELEBRATE GETTING INTO THE DANCE SEMI-FINAL**

Jake has a few goes at breaking the Santa Claus Piñata, and plays a few rounds of suck and blow where players use store bought Christmas cards instead of regular poker cards. It ends up being a lot of fun, but Sophia takes off pretty early because she gets a call and– the gist of it is that she has some family business to attend to, she didn’t get into enough specifics for Jake to understand.

He’s on his own now, and he tries his best not to immediately wonder where Amy is (just like he ‘tried his best’ not to wonder where Amy was as he played party games with Sophia and other guests at the party), wandering towards the punch bowl.

And, no, he’s not at the punch bowl because that’s where he last saw Amy. He’s just here because Amy had a lot of punch earlier, and if she drank that much punch, it’s gotta be some pretty darn good punch.

He nearly gags when the fruit punch touches his lips however, and whatever punch he ends up swallowing burns on the way down.

“Oh god,” he grimaces as he sets his Red Cup™ down, not wanting any more of it. “What the hell is in this thing?”

“Yeah, someone definitely spiked the punch with alcohol,” some random person tells him. “It’s bad stuff bro, and even though they did it as a joke, I don’t think anyone wants that punch no more.”

Fear punches (haha) Jake as he takes in this information. Amy drank way too much of that punch earlier– what if it was already spiked when she drank it? Together with the knowledge that he hasn’t seen Amy at the party for ages, he takes to his heels running in search of her.

Jake doesn’t drink a drop more of the spiked punch, but he suddenly feels like puking all over again.

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S HOUSE, 1954 HOURS, GINA’S GUEST ROOM**

To Jake’s immense relief, he soon finds Amy in Gina’s guest room after searching almost every room in Gina’s house. She’s all alone, lying on the guest bed with her finger outstretched, arm dancing absentmindedly in the air. She’s calm and seemingly happy, and the scene before his eyes stills Jake’s relentlessly beating heart back to a regular pulse. Or, whatever unhealthy pulse he possesses.

“Amy, are you okay?” He asks, desperation dripping from his voice as he runs up to her.

“Ooh, Jake is here!” Amy sits up in glee, wrapping her arms around Jake, giggling as she snuggles against him.

“Why are you excited? No one else has been in here, right?”

Amy shakes her head. “Nope, just you. And also Gina, but she’s gone now. Which– that’s good, because I don’t want anyone else in here. Just you.”

Jake’s heart quivers as she says this. Said heart still feels very much susceptible to any affection from Amy. She’s drunk, so she’s a mess and nothing she does should be considered seriously, but the way she touches him draws him into her inadvertent spell.

He gets up, making his way to a very convenient jug of water that has been placed in the chest of drawers near the bed– there’s even a glass of water there. Jake supposes Gina must’ve put it there. She probably knew or realized at some point that Amy was drunk and put her in the guest room for her own safety. After all, Jake knows he’s not the only friend of Amy’s who loves and cares about her. Jake’s not sure how much he approves of Gina leaving Amy in here on her own, but then again, this guest room isn’t exactly the most accessible, and it’s on a floor that Gina has cordoned off (something she picked up from Holt and Kevin).

Jake just– gets paranoid, he supposes. He tries not to think about how this immense concern comes out strongest where Amy is... concerned. He continues making his way over to the water, only to be stopped when Amy chases after him.

“No, don’t go! Where are you– why are you leaving?”

Apparently, Amy gets clingy when she’s this drunk. Or when she’s drunk in general, Jake doesn’t know. Either way, he finds this version of Amy to be very endearing.

“I’m just getting you some water, Amy. I’m definitely not leaving the room, I’m not going anywhere. But we need you to sober up, okay?”

“Sober?” Amy’s eyes go wide. “Why are we trying to make me something that I already am? I’m not drunk, I didn’t do the _alcohol_!”

He snorts, at the way Amy manages to make alcohol sound like a hardcore drug. “But you drank a lot of punch, and I’m sorry to tell you this, but there was a lot of booze in that.”

“Oh.” Amy loosens her grip on Jake. “But I feel fine. I don’t need the water, I’m very full.”

Jake sighs. “Exactly, you’re full of spiked fruit punch, which is why you need water to sober up. Why did you even drink so much of that punch anyway? It sucked butt. Are you secretly an alcoholic?”

“I can’t tell you why I drank all the punch.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a secret! Shhhhhh...”

As if to emphasize this point, Amy puts her finger above her lips as she shushes Jake. Somehow, her shushing skills are less impactful when she’s drunk.

“Okay, fine, you don’t have to tell me,” Jake says in order to stop Amy from shushing him. “But you need to drink at least one glass of water.”

Amy frowns, but drinks the glass of water Jake pours for her, hopping back on the bed when she’s done.

“Hold me now?” She requests with pleading eyes that Jake could never say no to. “The world is spinny. I don’t like it.”

Jake obliges her, even tucking her under the blanket so she’s as comfortable as he can help it. “Then you should calm down and rest.”

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

**GINA’S HOUSE, 2001 HOURS, GINA’S GUEST ROOM**

"Hey," she whispers not even a moment later, leaning in softly into his touch, her hot breath burning like a wildfire against his skin. "Wanna hear a secret?"

He chuckles noiselessly, as a dizzy buzz runs through his head. “Is it the secret you wouldn’t tell me from just now?” he asks. He had been so worried earlier, but now the only thing that's scary is how ridiculously cute she is, despite being oh so drunk.

“No,” she shakes her head, and there’s something so worthy of adoration to the way she moves. “It’s a new secret. A different secret.”

A jolt of guilt and a stab of longing (the latter being an all too familiar feeling) battle for dominance inside him, quickly resolving to coexist and twist a bigger hole into his already long since broken heart.

The pain he feels with each passing second is dangerous as ever, but Jake supposes there should be nothing wrong with hearing (drunk) Amy's secret.

"Okay, tell me," he agrees, expecting something light and harmless, possibly even something that will make him laugh.

He's wrong, of course.

She flicks her gaze left and right, looking both ways even though there's no one else in the room. She cups his ear with her hand.

"I love you," she says, and the world crumbles to pieces around Jake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAHHHH WHAT SHE SAID WHAT 
> 
> did that blow ur minds or at least mildly excite u because I’m trying to do that 
> 
> anyway fuck all that bc obviously the REAL story here is the SD Jake/CE Jake/SD Amy love triangle that’s not really a love triangle bc SD Jake and CE Jake are litERALLY THE SAME PERSON 
> 
> that being said are u team SD Jake x SD Amy / team CE Jake x SD Amy / team SD Jake x CE Jake / team SD Jake x CE Jake x SD Amy 
> 
> This love triangle is probably one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done but I’m hoping ur still low key invested in it and hate that you care (also it’s not meant to be taken seriously okay it’s meant to be funny) 
> 
> Just to remind y’all Jake’s Dream Headquarters basically run Jake’s dreams okay they don’t actually decide anything Jake does so they’re even more useless than the Council of Amys bc at least the Council of Amys are essentially Amy and (some of) the different aspects of her personality 
> 
> I was kidding about the love triangle being the most important part of the chapter here but I literally forgot what else happened in the chapter 
> 
> OH WAIT YEAH KEVIN AND HOLT RENEWED THEIR VOWS!!! I need to make it clear that I’m still waiting for their wedding on b99 and since it’s canon that Holt is a fantastic dancer I need to see Holt and Kevin absolutely killing it out on the dance floor 
> 
> also I hope u liked Kylie and Amy’s phone call!!!!!! Yes, yes, Amy’s learned her lesson and she wants to be with Jake now, she just didn’t want to tell Jake bc she assumed he was happy with Sophia but then she got real drunk (look I know she doesn’t resemble any of the Canon Drunk Amy scale personas but just assume she had so much of The Alcohol that it’s one of those X Drink Amys that we don’t know about) 
> 
> OH YEAH OH YEAH Jake and Amy’s shopping war!!! Idk how I made the supermarket a running theme here but it happened and I’m not sorry 
> 
> bye sorry this was so late I hope it was worth the wait tho


	25. every night you leave crying

**GINA’S HOUSE, 2003 HOURS, LOSING THE ABILITY TO BREATHE**

What Amy tells him is clearly not something he can laugh at, not even with a spiked punch inside him. But still, as Amy pulls away she's all smiles, like she didn't just drop a bomb on him, like he didn't just explode in pain. He’s not sure what to do with himself, because she just said something he thought he’d never get to hear—something that he thought only he was able to feel for her, not the other way around.

His first reaction: denial.

"You don't mean that–“ he shakes his head, gets on his feet and paces–"you don't get to _say_ that–“

"Say what?" She asks, and Jake can't believe he's hurting this way when she probably can't even remember what she's said, definitely won't remember any of this tomorrow.

He snorts dryly. "You don't even know what you're–“

"Oh," she interrupts, "you mean my secret. Why? Why can't I say that?"

"Because it's a lie."

Amy frowns. "It's not a lie—I really do love you."

"Then why aren't you with me?"

She's confused. "What do you mean? I'm with you right now."

"No, like–" he takes a deep breath–" _with me_ with me. If you love me, why aren't you my girlfriend? Why aren’t we a couple? Why can't I kiss you, take you out on dates, hold your hand, walk you to school and back just to spend more time together—why did you _leave_ me?"

She reaches forth, and wipes a tear from his eye.

"Do you have any idea..." he continues, throat tightening. "How much you've messed me up?”

She just looks dazed, and shakes her head. None of this matters, she's not going to recall a thing, is she? Despite that, he begins to admit things he’d never admit to himself if she hadn’t drunkenly told him the truth about her feelings. They pour out all at once, and he can’t stop it. Truth and raw, cutting honesty invades the air around them, defeating Jake’s entire self without a single battle.

"Because of you... I don't think I can fall in love again. Sounds dumb and dramatic, I know–“ he chuckles humorlessly–“but... I really can’t see myself falling in love with anyone else, because I can't let go of you.” He swallows, throat tightening. “I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of you, actually. You broke my heart but—it's still yours, you know that? It kinda scares me sometimes, to think about how much I love you. But what's even scarier, is to- to wake up every morning, feeling so empty, knowing why- _believing_ that I can't be happy because you're not there."

She's crying now too, and Jake wants to kiss her tears away, but he knows he can't, knows he shouldn't.

"I'm sorry," she heaves, but it's unnecessary for her to apologize.

"It's okay," he assures, stroking her hair, her face. "It’s not your fault, I should learn to be happy on my own. But you make me so happy, and at any given moment, I’d rather be with you than be on my own, or be with anyone else, for that matter. I also forgive you, for hurting me, because I love you too. So much. More than you'll ever be able to imagine."

The weight of his feelings strike Jake hard. Previously thoughts that he’d repressed all the way to Mexico, now his overwhelming love for Amy washes out into the open, a reality that drags his pathetic ass several feet below rock bottom. He’s never coming back from this, he’ll never be able to deny the extent to which he feels for this girl.

Meanwhile, Amy—whose head had been leaning against Jake’s shoulder as he stroked comfort into her arm—now dries her tears and gets some water in her system.

“So I guess you’re trying to sober up on your own accord now?” Jake remarks with a half-hearted smirk, blinking away his own sorrow as he watches Amy down an entire glass of water.

“Uh... what? I was just thirsty.”

Jake gets up with an amused sigh, hand guiding Amy by her lower back towards the door. He puts away his anguish to prioritize Amy’s needs– she needs to get home, and into bed. She’s done partying. In fact, apart from all the alcohol she accidentally consumed, Jake doubts that Amy partied at all tonight.

“Where are we going?” Amy asks curiously when they leave Gina’s guest room.

“We’re getting you home. You need some rest.”

“Mm, home sounds good. I miss bed.” Amy stretches a little, her actions having this silliness about them due to her inebriated state. “You know what else I miss?”

“What?”

“My boyfriend.”

Jake freezes in his tracks, and they’re down at the ground floor now, where they come into contact with Charles.

“Hey you two!” He grins all too happily at seeing Jake holding Amy close to him (he’s basically propping Amy up in fear that she’ll fall over). “Finding a place to get _nasty_?”

“What?” Jake sputters, everything in his head getting thrown out for a single moment. “No, I have a–“ he pauses, not sure which train of thought to start with, because he’s not sure which train of thought he wants to get into. “Look, I’m just taking Amy home. She had a lot of that spiked punch earlier and now I’m worried she’ll be sick.”

Charles’ insinuating voice, face, and general playfulness all disappears in concern for Amy’s well-being. “Oh no, how did that happen? Is she going to be alright?”

“She didn’t know it was spiked, probably.” Jake shrugs. “She’ll be fine—I guess. She looks okay, mostly, so she’s going to be all good soon. I’ll make sure of it.”

Tears immediately well up in Charles’ eyes, something which Jake can’t even begin to fathom as a possibility. How is he doing it? Are those genuine tears? Is he faking it somehow for dramatic effect?

“You do just that, Jakey,” Charles tacks on in a tearful gaze, clapping his hand on Jake’s back. “You take care of her. _Forever_.”

He whispers the last part in a quiet voice, but Jake still catches it (and subsequently neglects addressing it at all). He quickly nods, mumbling something about needing to get a move on before taking a dazed-looking Amy away.

 

* * *

 

**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 2017 HOURS, WALKING AMY HOME**

“I miss my boyfriend–“ Amy grumbles again as they leave Gina’s house. “Who were you talking to earlier? Was that my boyfriend?”

“Unless Charles is your boyfriend, then no. That was Charles.” Jake loosens his protective grip on Amy as she starts to walk in a more stable manner.

She pouts. “No, Charles isn’t my boyfriend. Where is my boyfriend?”

“Amy, I don’t even know who your boyfriend _is_.”

Amy tuts at this, like she can’t believe Jake wouldn’t know who her boyfriend was. The prospect of some unnamed person dating Amy has Jake’s heart souring. Amy just told him she loved him a short while ago—and now she’s in a relationship?!

“I thought you should know. My boyfriend is Jake. Jake Peralta. He’s really cute.”

The mention of his name nearly has Jake falling over. He _trips_ , actually, trips on some part of the sidewalk even though there’s nothing wrong with it. His heart tightens and freezes at her words. This whole night is starting to make less and less sense as it goes on. It’s like Amy is more drunk somehow—or, she sobered up slightly and is now less drunk, but because of that she’s now a different, equally weird and confusing type of drunk? Does that make sense?

“Your boyfriend is– is Jake Peralta?”

“Yes! He’s the love of my life. I can’t live without him, so it’s really important that you tell me where he is, if you know where he is!”

Somehow, Amy’s so messed up that she can’t even recognize Jake at the moment, and thinks he’s some unnamed person. Is she high? What was in that punch? It’s eye-opening yet painful at the same time to hear Amy talk about him in third person; he can’t believe the things she’s saying.

“Really?” Jake clears his throat. “Is Jake Peralta really your boyfriend? Because last I heard, you kind of broke up with him.”

She actually looks wildly offended when Jake says this. It nearly makes him want to take his words back.

“Excuse me? I would never break up with Jake, why would I do that? I love him so much, don’t you know?”

 _No, he doesn’t know, because you told him you didn’t love him, that you didn’t want to be with him like that._ This thought painfully scars Jake’s mind as it passes him by, and he’s biting his lip as if feeling physical pain will alleviate the mental turmoil of all this. That being said, it is gratifying to hear Amy profess her love for him over and over again. He doesn’t want it to stop, and so a part of him doesn’t want this night to end.

“Ah, I must have. Must have been thinking about the wrong Jake Peralta then. Could you tell me more about this Jake that you love so much? I need to know—um, need to know more about him if I’m going to help you find him.”

He knows it’s probably selfish of him to ask this of drunk Amy, but could you blame him for having this simple desire? He’s wanted her love and craved for her to completely return his feelings for so long—and now that it’s finally within arm’s reach, he’ll be damned if he lets go of it.

“He gives the warmest hugs.” Amy wraps her arms around herself like she’s mimicking said hugs. “He always smells so good, and I always feel so safe. But I also like hugging him because I want to keep him safe. I don’t want anyone to hurt him, ever.”

Spontaneously, Amy leans in to catch a whiff of Jake, randomly wrapping her arms around him in a hug, which shocks him enough to stop him from moving.

“Hmm. That’s funny. You smell so much like him. You feel so much like him too–“ she gasps, eyes widening–“were you hugging Jake earlier?!”

Jake actually laughs at this as he pulls Amy back in for a hug before letting go and continuing their walk back to Amy’s place. She slips her hand in his and he doesn’t pull away. 

“Maybe I was. What else should I know about your beloved Jake?”

“He’s very handsome. I wish I could stare at his face forever, see it move and smile and frown.” She hums dreamily. “He’s also so good in bed.”

Jake nearly collapses in death on the spot as she says this. Earlier, his heart was singing, and now it’s screaming bloody murder and begging for mercy.

“I love being held by him, and holding him—he feels so much better to grab at than all my pillows.”

Jake somehow heaves in relief at this. He and his filthy mind need to calm down.

“That, that sounds great.”

“Did I also mention how good at sex he is? He rips my world apart—just his hands _alone_ can drive me–“

“UH, AMY–“ Jake stops in his tracks to get Amy to stop in her (verbal) tracks. “I think... I can’t hear anymore. I can’t handle anymore.”

Amy squints her eyes at him. “You know... Now that I think about it, you kind of look like Jake. You’re also very handsome.”

Her fingers trace the edges of Jake’s face and his blood is shooting through his veins. He’s so weak for her praise, her affection, and he’s so much more affected by it now that she’s appraising him directly, now that she’s touching him, raking over him with her gaze.

This whole night has to be a lie, this whole moment can’t be real—because Jake is far too happy, and that doesn’t seem possible. He understands nothing and he knows too much—what even is real anymore?

“Maybe I am Jake.”

She takes a close look at Jake, before shaking her head. “Nah, you’re not Jake! Jake would be kissing me by now. He loves kissing me. And I love kissing him too.”

Jake takes in a pained sigh. “Believe me, you have no idea how much I want to kiss you.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 2045 HOURS, TUCKING AMY INTO BED**

Getting Amy home and into bed ends up being... a journey, if he were to describe it. He awkwardly greets Amy’s mom at the door and even more awkwardly explains that someone poured alcohol into the fruit punch bowl and Amy unknowingly drank a lot of it (which is the truth, but he spent some time making sure Mrs Santiago was convinced of this to ensure Amy stays out of trouble), before offering to help take Amy upstairs and get her into bed.

He made it abundantly clear that he had no ill intentions, but that was unnecessary because Amy’s mom gave him the go-ahead to bring Amy to her room almost instantly, barely needing any convincing, like she just trusts Amy with Jake somehow.

And so, Jake ends up helping Amy pick out pajamas, which she’s thankfully able to put on on her own in the bathroom. However, that didn’t mean convincing Amy to get herself dressed wasn’t an almost impossible task. She insisted on being dressed by her ‘husband’ (yes, sometime during the walk home, Jake was somehow promoted from ‘boyfriend’ to ‘husband’, so Jake is doing just fine, how are you?), and went into the bathroom pouting over not getting dressed by Jake.

“Where are _your_ pajamas?” Amy slurs sleepily, hands still clinging onto Jake as he pulls the covers over her. His fingers grip onto the sheets just that much tighter, because dear god does he want to crawl under the covers with her, hold her, touch her—but it’s not the right thing to do, not right now.

“They’re not here. They’re at my– never mind. You don’t need to know. I guess I’ll go... grab them and be right back? You should sleep first, though,” he lies through his teeth with a reassuring smile. This appeases Amy enough to let the back of her head really dig into her pillows.

“Promise... you’ll be back?” she murmurs drowsily, struggling to keep her eyes open.

“I will,” he vows, and somehow knows at the bottom of his heart, that his words are a genuine promise. “I could never leave you, especially if you wanted me around.”

Her eyes flutter shut, and she snuggles a pillow, yet still squeezing her back towards one side of the bed, like she’s leaving a space for Jake to come back. Leaving now hurts more, which is crazy because having to leave already hurt before. But he must.

He has a lot to think about—mostly about what he’s going to have to do. He knows he should definitely break up with Sophia—because it’s now abhorrently clear to him that he’s not over Amy, that he’ll never be over Amy, especially now that she’s said the things she’s said; he’s no longer okay with continuing his relationship with Sophia. Because for one, it’s now disgustingly unfair to her for him to do that, and two, he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. By now, he knows that only being with Amy would feel right for him. So if he can’t be with her, he shouldn’t be with anyone else. At least, not right now, not while his emotions for Amy are running too high for him to invest romantically in someone else.

“Mmm...” Amy rolls over in bed, and the sight gets Jake keeling over inside. She’s a sight to behold, as always. “Goodnight husband.”

Jake sighs now, stroking Amy’s hair out the way of her face. She’s everything to him, and all that could ever matter. “Goodnight, wife.”

And then he leaves.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 2114 HOURS, ARRIVING HOME**

Jake steps through the door to find his mother sitting on their couch. No, she hadn’t been waiting for Jake to come home, she’s crying her eyes out and using up all the tissue, with little intention of disposing of any of them properly.

His heart rate soars in fear and he shuts the door in a hurry, rushing towards her, arms already open to wrap her with.

“Mom? What’s going on?”

“He’s gone. I can’t find him anywhere, I don’t know where he went, he’s gone. He’s gone–“

Jake leans back to hold his mother still by the shoulders. “Mom, what happened with dad? You need to calm down and tell me what you know.”

“I was at my ginger friend Louisa’s baby shower—he was home, he said he’d be waiting for me at home, but he’s not here, and his shoes are gone, his phone is gone, his suitcase is gone—I just know, he’s left me again, I know it. I must’ve scared him off–“

Her voice reverberates in that low, clear sound it always does, but it’s weighed down with sorrow, crumbling with insecurity, and it’s haunting because it’s a horrifically vulnerable side of his mother that he’s never gotten to see. Not like this. Never like this. It makes Jake really hate his father.

“Maybe dad got kidnapped by the aliens. Or the feds. He’s probably getting mad probed right now.”

Jake actually means all this. He hopes Roger Peralta is getting his ass tortured for some crime, or maybe more heroically, that he’s saving the city. Honestly though, nothing is a good enough excuse for him to abandon his wife and son without warning.

While his jokes do hold actual weight, he’s approaching this situation light with the intention of comforting his mother, to give her hope, because maybe his dad didn’t abandon them again. But for once, she doesn’t even so much as try to smile at his jokes. Sure, they’re bad, but she loves him enough to, usually. She loves him, and her hands are shaking; she loves him, and her lips are trembling–

“Yeah, maybe.” She takes a deep breath. “Maybe I should go to sleep. Maybe this was all a misunderstanding, or a big dream, and he’ll be back tomorrow.”

She doesn’t address the possibility that Roger Peralta won’t be back tomorrow. Jake worries that his mother might fall into a pit of denial and rot inside there. He worries that he’s in the same pit with her. Because no matter how much resentment he has for his father, he’s just as terrified as his mother that he’ll leave. This thought, this fear—it’s one that disgusts him. But does he fear his father’s abandonment for himself or on behalf of his mother? Or is it them both?

“Mom–“ he calls after her as she gets up from the couch and gathers her used tissues–“dad’s horrible. He hurt you, over and over, and he doesn’t deserve you. Not in the slightest—why are you with him? Why do you want to be with him?”

“Trust me, I wouldn’t be with your father if I could have it any other way. But he has a hold on me, that no other man ever could. I like only him, I love only him. Of course, I love you too, so much, but differently—you get what I mean, don’t you honey?”

Jake swallows harshly, roughly scratching his head, and trying not to think about how similar he is to his mother. Obviously, their situations have some stark differences—but he knows for sure why he’s his mother’s son.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1453 HOURS, MEETING GINA AND ROSA TO TALK**

Jake walks into the theater hastily, eyes scanning the theater just in case other people are there. He doesn’t want anyone else to know what he’s going to tell Gina and Rosa. Not because it’s scandalous (it’s a little bit scandalous though), but because he appreciates his privacy (and more importantly, this school loves gossip). Also, he plans to tell them about his decision to break up with Sophia, and he’d appreciate it if no one told her about it before he did, because the one thing Sophia deserves is a proper break up where he tells her the truth.

Jake rolls his eyes affectionately when he sees that the only other people in the theater are Gina and Rosa, who are currently sitting on the edge of the stage and making out like their lives depend on it. He starts clearing his throat to get their attention, because they seem to be seconds away from full on hooking up, and as much as he loves the both of them (and also _because_ he loves the both of them), he really, _really_ does not need to see them have sex.

“Ugh, god damnit Jake, why are you here?” Gina complains as Rosa pries the former away from her lips.

“I invited the both of you here.”

“Oh. Right. Why did you call us again?” Gina sighs, and Rosa gives her a look to warn her to play nice. “You’re really ruining our sex life.”

“How? You two were just about to go at it.”

“Exactly. Every second we don’t do it is a missed opportunity, Jacob! Get that in your head.”

She punctuates each word of her last sentence with a tap of her finger tips against her other palm. Rosa slides her hand around Gina’s lower back to get her to cool it. She’s a lot more chill about this, but she’s impatient to be alone with Gina too, as much as she cares about Jake.

“Anyway, what’s up? What’d you have to tell us?”

Jake takes in a deep breath, rubbing his hands together with excitement. “Okay so—yesterday, Amy told me that she loved me.”

Like a perfectly in sync couple, Gina and Rosa’s eyes both widen as they share a look, before looking back at Jake.

“Damn. Always knew that, but, I’m glad she told you dude.”

“Wasn’t she drunk yesterday?”

Jake nods once. “Yes. But—that doesn’t mean what she said wasn’t true. I mean, I’ve seen _movies_. People are always telling the truth when they’re drunk, right?”

“Uh, yeah. So are you and Amy together yet? Feels like it’s been ages already. Like I know it hasn’t actually been that long, but seriously dude it feels like a million years have passed,” complains Gina.

“No, not yet—but that’s what I’m getting at! I’m going to try... chasing Amy again. Romantic stylez. I’m not going to start running after her or anything.”

“Yeah Jake, we gathered that. We know the English language.”

“Right, right.” Jake nods in a way that seems to involve his entire body. “Anyway, so, I know I said I was going to try and get over Amy by dating other people, which in this case was Sophia—but I obviously failed miserably. Plus, the reason why I wanted to get over Amy at all in the first place was because I thought she didn’t love me. But she does! And sure, _maybe_ she’ll deny it, but I have to try for her. I’ll always do everything I can for her. And no matter what happens with Amy, I’m not going to try and get back together with Sophia again. I’ll never love anyone the way I’ve fallen for Amy, and I guess I’ve come to terms with that.”

“You’re a high school senior. Who could meet countless more people in the future.” Rosa points out. “But yeah, you’re probably never going to meet anyone who’ll suck you in more than Amy.”

“True that. Also, I think it’s really cool how you’d repeatedly throw away your pride for her. I mean, no offense, because I know you two are meant to be and all that crap—but I’d never take back someone who broke up with me.” She turns to hit Rosa with a warning look. “Babe, if you dump me, we’re _so_ over.”

“Of course we’d be over, that’s how getting dumped works. Speaking of getting dumped, have you broken up with Sophia yet?”

“What? No, not yet. I haven’t seen Sophia all day, and she hasn’t responded to any of my texts or calls. I don’t think she’s even in school today.”

“Huh. Weird. I wonder what she’s up to.”

 

* * *

 

**SHADY ASS PLACE, 1508 HOURS, WHAT SOPHIA’S UP TO**

Sophia shifts awkwardly in her seat, only half listening to the hushed conversations going on around the table. Her life the past few days has been full of meetings– meetings in fancy places for the rich, meetings in low run down and abandoned places, falling apart at the edges from neglect, but this shroud of misery is what hides the discussions within its torn walls.

She wishes she didn’t have to miss school for this. She usually doesn’t have to miss school for this, but her father insisted that this was an important meeting, and that missing school for a day would be worth it. One day, she’ll take over the business, so if she doesn’t learn how to run everything, the business will be dead, and all that he’s worked for will die too.

“Dad, can I step out for a few hours? My boyfriend keeps talking about how he wants to meet me. It seems important.”

“Nothing is more important than this, my dear. You are my gem—we will flourish, when you are done learning. You can become that lawyer you want to be, and you can help protect us all, when needed.”

“I mean–“ Sophia sighs with a shrug that’s part annoyance, part resignation–“if I’m going to become a lawyer, I should probably not be missing school.”

“We have another meeting to get to now. Save that glib tongue for court.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1516 HOURS, TALKING TO GINA AND ROSA**

“Anyway, why can’t you just dump her over the phone? Like, hit her up with a text or something?”

“Yeah. Or like, leave her a voicemail.”

Jake looks at Gina and Rosa with horror. “What? No! That’s horrible, who would do that?”

“I once broke up with a dude by crawling out the window of his room and just never talking to him again. I couldn’t go through with actually dumping him, because every time I tried, he–“

Gina narrows her eyes at Rosa. “He what? What did he do?”

This is when Rosa backtracks, realizing what she was about to say is inappropriate to bring up in front of her girlfriend. “Uh, nothing. He did nothing, babe.”

Gina scoffs, crossing her arms and refusing to make eye contact with anyone, not even Jake. Instead, she has a very intense staring match with the floor.

“Are you actually jealous?” Rosa scoffs. “You’ve dated the entire football team.”

“Yeah, on a dare!”

“Okay, okay—can we circle back please? Because the two of you are cray and I really hope for both of your sakes that you don’t break up with each other. Also I’m not going to dump Sophia over the phone. That’s tacky and horrible, and Sophia’s been great. She deserves a break up that’s face to face, she deserves to know the _truth_ , at least. And she deserves to be angry with me, if that’s what ends up happening. I’m not saying it’ll be fun, but that’s what happens when you play the app... of real life.”

Gina and Rosa both groan.

“Okay, whatever dude.”

“Let’s go to the control room. I think I left something in there.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1524 HOURS, CONTROL ROOM**

“Oh crap,” Rosa curses when she walks up to the control panel. “This... this can’t be happening. What the hell? They went too far this—this is messed up.”

“What’s wrong?”

Jake and Gina both gasp when they see what’s happened to their control room. It’s been trashed, ruined—and as Rosa desperately tests all the buttons and dials, they realize that nothing’s working. Whoever did this did a great job. And also really screwed them over.

“Who could have done this?”

“Who else?” Gina spits rhetorically, in anger. “Who else would stoop so low? Who else have we been in a prank war with?”

“They went too far. This isn’t a prank, this is a crime.” Jake desperately tries pressing at some buttons too, to no avail. “The band needs to pay for this.”

“I agree. They need to pay actual money for this. We have to replace and fix all this broken crap,” Rosa surmises, slamming her fist on a part of the panel that’s no longer functioning. Which doesn’t specify where she’s slamming her fist, because the entire control panel isn’t working.

“God. We’ll have to actually report this,” Gina groans. “This sucks major ass. I don’t wanna talk to boring adults in charge. But seeing how damaged all our stuff is in here, I guess we don’t have a choice.”

“I’m sorry girls,” Jake frowns, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “If it weren’t for me, we wouldn’t be at war with the band in the first place.”

“Yeah, this is on you.”

“Hey!” Jake whines. “I was only pretending to take the blame to be nice!”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter whose fault it was. We have to tell the school about this,” Rosa reminds, looking most torn about this. “At least they didn’t like, cut any major wires in here. Should take a few weeks to get everything back in order. But we have to tell the school about this as soon as possible.”

“Do we have to do that right now?”

“What could be more important?”

“I dunno. Revenge against the band? To be honest, I don’t even know what we could do that’d be half as bad as this. Should we melt all their instruments? Nah, not that. What should we do to get back at the band?”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, ???? HOURS, BRUTALLY REJECTING THE CHOIR (A FEW MONTHS AGO)**

“No.” Gina titters cruelly, as if the very notion is ridiculous. “No, we’re not gonna do a musical this year. And even if we were, we wouldn’t work with you losers.”

“Won’t you even consider it?” begs the choir chairperson. “We need this exposure. The school only ever lets us perform in the auditorium, and no one takes auditorium performances seriously. We just want to be better respected, that’s all.”

Gina scoffs, slurping the last of her milkshake condescendingly, because of course she has a milkshake. “Mmkay, so, if you wanna be respected so bad, why don’t you—I dunno, win a competition? Ever?”

This dig seems to really hit home with both the choir chairperson and vice chairperson. The choir vice chairperson hasn’t spoken yet, but they will soon, and also they’re standing next to the choir chairperson so it makes sense to introduce them.

“Look,” says the vice chairperson, speaking up as previously foreshadowed. “I know we’re not as highly decorated as the drama club, but we’re talented singers. Can’t we have at least one song?”

Gina pretends to consider this, but can barely contain the urge to say “nope!” before she walks off, cackling.

When she leaves, the two jilted choir members clench their fists just slightly to contain their resentment.

“I hate the drama club.”

“Who doesn’t? I wish I could get back at them somehow. Just—really screw them over. Get our revenge, because they need to know that they can’t just treat people this way.”

The chairperson crosses their arms. “What do you think we should do?”

The vice chairperson turns around, noticing the ajar door of the control room not too far away. Behind it are the giggling sounds of Gina (who left to enter the control room), and some other girl. They’re not really bothered about the flirtatious giggling, but staring at the control room allows them to come up with a plan.

“That. Let’s mess up that control room. A play is nothing without lights and sound.”

“Right. Should we wait for them to leave?”

“No. Let’s not get our revenge right away. We should wait it out for a few months.”

“Okay.” The chairperson scratches their head. “Why wait that long? Seems weird, and like, out of nowhere.”

“Narrative timing.”

“Say what now?”

“Um, nothing,” backtracks the vice chairperson. “I just think that destroying their lights and sound booth closer to their production would hurt them more than if we got our revenge now. I don’t think they’ve rehearsed long enough to even start inputing light and sound cues yet.”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 0903 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL FINAL**

The day of the final rolls around and the only instruction Jake and Amy had received beforehand was: to show up. They weren’t very thrown off, as it was not uncommon for past final round contestants to only know what they were meant to do on the day itself.

Jake and Amy are handed a script when they arrive at the fancy theater. They are given the entire day to memorize and block out the skit– it’s not the longest performance, but to be able to remember everything and perform it well in time? That takes a certain amount of skill, that Jake and Amy need to have if they want to clinch that first honors for their school.

The script denotes acts one through three. The catch? Jake and Amy have to write out their own act four and perform it as well.

One could certainly guess what ideas Jake has in mind.

“I think we should kiss.”

“Whu– what now?” Amy wets her lips as Jake’s words whet her curiosity. Even though... they shouldn’t. Because this keeps happening, and it should technically be really overdone right now, but Jake and Amy treat each new kiss as an exciting venture to explore together.

“I mean, I mean our characters—they should kiss. For the final act. And since we’re playing them that means we should kiss too.” Jake frantically scours his mind for better reasoning. “Just, you can really sense the tension between the characters, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Amy crosses her legs, straightening in her seat which makes Jake want to sigh and stare dreamily at her all day. “I agree. So much, so much tension.”

“And, um–“ Jake shrugs his tense shoulders–“even if there weren’t that much tension, that wouldn’t matter that much, right? This is supposed to be our interpretation, and we’ll play things out the way we think they should be acted.”

“That’s exactly right. It’s our job as actors, to um, decide when we should kiss.”

“Exactly. Even if we decided to kiss right now, who could stop us?”

“No one!” Amy says very stiffly, like no human should ever speak, her volume a tad bit too high, her voice a tad bit too screechy.

They don’t kiss, but the heat and tension bottled up in them is palpable. Jake can see it, Jake can feel it, but Jake doesn’t do anything because he’s still got a girlfriend.

Yes, he was supposed to break up with her. He wants to break up with her—but it’s hard, okay?

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, ???? HOURS, MEETING SOPHIA AT HER LOCKER (A FEW DAYS AGO)**

She slams her locker shut, locking it before realizing she’s forgotten an important book, and then unlocking and swinging her locker open again.

“You okay there? You seem a little out of it.”

Sophia shakes her head, maintaining a rigid smile for Jake, whose texts she’s given very brief and vague replies to, whose calls she’s ignored, for the past few days. She’s seen a lot of things, and then she had to take some time to process all the things she saw. To make a long story short, it wasn’t pretty, and Sophia isn’t sure she wants to see anything again. She can’t look at her father the same way any longer.

“I’m fine! It’s all good. I’ve just... had a rough couple of days. Family stuff, you wouldn’t understand. Anyway, what’s up? You said you had something you wanted to talk to me about. Urgently.”

“Uh... nah, it wasn’t very important. I just... made that up because, I uh, um—I missed you. That’s what it was.”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 0918 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL FINAL**

See? Sophia was having a rough couple of days—what kind of asshole would Jake be if he dumped her there and then?

No, he isn’t afraid to get rejected by Amy again, and no, he isn’t using being with Sophia as an excuse to not make a move on Amy. Not at all. He’s not a coward, what are you talking about?

He just... genuinely thinks that Sophia deserves a proper break up, when she’s in the right head space for it. But he supposes there might never be a right time to break up with someone. Jake himself knows that, even if he was starring in his own version of a real life Die Hard situation, he wouldn’t have been able to handle it if Amy had walked up to him while he was in the middle of being John McClane, and dumped him. Hell, he’d fall right off the Nakatomi building with Hans Gruber if Amy broke up with him on it.

Granted, Sophia probably doesn’t love Jake the way he’s fallen madly in love (and still continues to even more every day) with Amy, but then again, how could he know that for sure? How could Amy herself have known how deep his feelings for her ran?

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1513 HOURS, FINDING OUT THAT THERE’S SECURITY CAMERAS CAPTURING THE CRIME**

“Wait, what? No, that can’t be. The security camera in the control room is disabled,” Gina rambles nervously, after hearing that the school found footage of the culprits.

“Disabled?” The IT technician, who’s relatively new, raises an eyebrow. “Well, we should get that fixed then. The security footage I’m talking about here is from the camera outside the control room.”

“There’s a camera outside the control room?” Rosa interjects, looking just as frazzled as Gina now. The area outside the control room is rather dim, and Rosa never noticed a camera. Knowing that there’s been a camera keeping track of her comings and goings to and from the control room creeps her out.

“Yes,” Kevin confirms, because Kevin’s here too. “I noticed how there was a lack of surveillance in the control room, and I made a suggestion to the school. The camera’s there for safety reasons, and I’m glad my decision paid off. Now, we can identify these troublemakers. With your help.”

The IT technician plays the footage. “Do you recognize these people?”

Gina and Rosa hold their breaths simultaneously, an ominous feeling in their bellies. A sense of wrongdoing guilting them as they watch on.

“They’re from the choir.”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY DRESSING ROOM, 1624 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL FINAL**

“Oh crap,” Jake’s stomach lurches forth at the information that Gina relays to him through text. “This is bad. This is very bad.”

“What’s wrong?” Amy asks in concern, and also out of curiosity.

“Remember how our control room got trashed?”

“Yeah, Rosa found out when she was checking the control room yesterday. Why? What’s wrong? Is the damage not fixable?”

“Oh no, the damage is definitely fixable,” Jake assures, eyes still fixed on his phone, as if he can’t believe what he’s reading. “The issue here is... that we blamed the wrong people for the crime.”

“We? Who’s ‘we’?” Amy gets up and nips over to Jake in order to involve herself more deeply in whatever’s going on.

“Me, Gina, and Rosa.” Jake exhales with an uneasy lean against his chair. “You see, Rosa wasn’t by herself when she discovered the trashed control room. The three of us jumped to conclusions, assumed that the band had gotten revenge again. But it wasn’t the band, it was the freakin’ choir. Apparently, Gina rejected them real bad and they wanted to get back at us.” He continues to brood over this, sighing heavily. “I should’ve known that the band wouldn’t be able to get revenge this quickly. And now, we’ve screwed them over twice. Which means they’re gonna come at us twice as hard.”

“What did you do to the band?” Amy asks nervously.

“It’s better if you don’t know,” Jake says assuredly, as if not mentioning what they did will make it seem like they didn’t do anything at all.

“Okay.” Amy runs her fingers through her hair. “Why were you with Gina and Rosa? There was no rehearsal yesterday.”

“Oh, I asked to meet them.”

“Why?”

He can see the insecurity flowing from that singular word, and he knows he has to say something to assure Amy that she’s not being excluded or shunned—while also hiding the truth behind why he called up Gina and Rosa. He’s planning on telling Amy the truth, but he can’t tell her yet, because he needs to break up with Sophia first.

“Because... I had to talk to them about... how much I hate Charles. And I called them specifically because they... also hate Charles.”

“What?” Confusion injects itself into Amy’s expression, her eyes especially overflowing with bafflement. “Why do you guys hate Charles?”

“If... if you have to ask, you clearly don’t belong in our secret– I Hate Charles club.”

“Wait, there’s a _club_? What did Charles do?”

Jake gives up, cracking under the pressure. “Okay fine! You got me—Charles didn’t do anything, we were meeting for, for something else. But it wasn’t like a normal casual meet up sesh, I had to ask and talk to them about stuff. Specifically the both of them.”

“And I can’t know about it?”

“Uh...”

Just then, they hear a knock on their dressing room door.

“Jake and Amy? Get ready, the judges are here!”

Jake jumps at the chance to take this very convenient opportunity to not answer Amy.

“Well, you heard them! It’s time to leave, time to act!”

“Jake, we still have time–“

“Nope, no time to lose! See you on stage!”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY STAGE, 1642 HOURS, YOUTH ARTS PRESENTATION FESTIVAL FINAL**

Jake’s filled with relief and adrenaline; the adrenaline is from acting, and the relief is from Amy not asking him any questions about why he secretly met up with Gina and Rosa yesterday. Obviously, this relief is most definitely temporary. Amy’s not asking him anything because they’re on stage, and Amy wouldn’t be Amy if she broke character to interrogate him—she would never sacrifice anything this important just to entertain her curiosity.

She’s so responsible, and he loves her for it.

Although, to be fair, most actors in their right mind wouldn’t break character in a play just to ask their co-star a question.

But still, Jake loves Amy. And he can’t tell her that he knows/very strongly believes that she loves him too yet. Because one, he still has a real, living, and breathing girlfriend that he has to break up with in the most decent way possible since he doesn’t want to be an asshole.

And two... he’s scared.

What? Yeah yeah, he acted like he was very confident about all this yesterday, but his insecurities have been eating into him and they’re still starving. So yes, Jake’s terrified. To put himself out there again, because this (kind of comically) sinister voice in his head keeps telling him things like ‘Amy could never love you’ or asking him things like ‘what if you were the one who got drunk or you hallucinated the whole thing and Amy still wants nothing to do with you?’

He’s been successful with regards to not telling Amy what (he thinks) he heard her say, but as their play comes dwindling to a close and they enter their final act, Jake gets more nervous.

Which is strange, because actors tend to get less and less nervous the longer they’ve been performing on stage. Time would’ve let them properly immerse themselves into the play, into their roles, and they’d be less scared of the audience, less scared about messing up.

But Jake hasn’t been at all nervous about the performance, in fact, staying in character has helped him keep some of his fears at bay. It’s knowing that the play is ending soon that has him getting the spooks.

He’s never felt this apprehensive yet somehow also excited about kissing Amy. But when it happens, he has to admit a part of him melts into her; the kiss calms him, reaffirms his love for her, restores him—

Right until... they hear choking sounds. Followed by a soft thud as a body falls to the ground.

(The reason why it’s a soft thud is because the floor’s not hard—they’re in the theater, and the floor’s carpeted. But then again, someone’s just collapsed to the ground, so maybe this shouldn’t be the point of focus right now.)

“Someone call an ambulance, Judge Dozerman is having a heart attack!”

 

* * *

 

**FANCY LOBBY, 1657 HOURS, GETTING QUESTIONED BY THE POLICE**

If the universe heard Jake’s cries of distress, they sure handed him a really good diversion. He just wishes this diversion from his problems hadn’t been a judge literally getting a heart attack, putting a stop to Jake and Amy’s performance.

An ambulance takes Judge Dozerman away, and those left behind are questioned by the police.

“Yeah, Dozerman probably didn’t expect those two kids to kiss. But there weren’t any rules stopping them from kissing, so that’s on him. Not that I’m blaming him for having a heart attack, but those two kids have been making out like, every round of this competition. I think he just didn’t notice, because the other judges know Dozerman checked out for all that. He likes to _doze_ off, if you get me,” he adds with a laugh that gets more nervous the longer it goes on. “Yeah, dude just had a heart attack. I probably shouldn’t be making puns.”

“Yeah, uh. I didn’t need half of that. Just for the record, what’s your name and relation to Judge Dozerman?”

“Judge Judy. And I know what you’re thinking—no, I’m not the lady on tv. Name’s Doug. Doug Judy. And I’m a judge who doesn’t break laws.”

“Again, I didn’t need to know that.”

“I’m not a criminal, is all I’m saying.”

“Okay, cool,” says the cop questioning Judge Judy, because cops are allowed to say that, probably.

Anyway, Jake’s very distracted the whole time he’s being questioned, mostly because he keeps looking over to Amy, since they can’t be questioned together. He’s very worried about her, because whenever is he not, and also Amy looks pretty shaken up about the whole thing.

Because he gets so distracted, he gets questioned for a much longer time than Amy does, and when he’s given the all clear to leave, he can’t find Amy anywhere.

 

* * *

 

**PLAYGROUND, 1808 HOURS, FINDING AMY**

“There you are,” he heaves with a tired smile, collapsing on the ground next to where Amy’s been quietly sat on a swing. “I knew I’d find you here.” A pause. “Actually, I checked like five more places before I came over here. I think I scared a few strangers. Also I went to your house and you weren’t there, so your mom’s probably worried sick about you now.”

She opens her mouth to respond, but when no sound comes out she’s forced to clear her parched throat. Jake breaks a little at how torn up she seems.

“Um, yeah. She called me earlier, I told her I was okay.”

“Are you?” Jake follows up almost instantly. “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m kind of... out of it. I can’t feel myself, I can’t feel... _anything_.” She bites her lip, and those lips of hers start to tremble. “Is this how murderers feel?”

“Oh god, no, babe–“ he gets off the floor and wraps Amy in a hug–“you didn’t murder anyone, okay? That judge had a heart attack, and he wasn’t dead when they sent him to the hospital, so maybe he’s not actually dead!”

His attempt to comfort her falls on deaf ears because she’s stopped listening after the first words he’s uttered.

She freezes up a little, and pulls away from Jake.

“Babe? Did you... just call me babe?”

“Uh... yeah?”

Oh crap. Jake fucked up big time. ‘Babe’ isn’t an okay thing to call your friend who you used to call ‘babe’ when you were sorta-not-really-dating them!

Well, at least he didn’t tell her he still loves her. And that he heard her say that she loves him too while she was drunk. God, what a messed up plot he’s in.

“Why did you call me babe?”

“Because I love you.”

Wait, he said what? Fuck, that was the one thing he said he wasn’t going to do! And yet he just did it? The words just slipped right out of his mouth by some weird accident or instinct? Why is it so easy for him to say those words? It’s like he’s programmed to love her or something, and it’s going to be the death of him. Seriously, he might just get a heart attack just like Judge Dozerman.

“Wha–“

“Yeah, I still love you, I’m still in love with you–“ he says, words in a scurry, thrown together as he steps away from Amy and sits on a swing where he begins swinging up, up and away as if he’ll be able to escape this situation if he swings hard enough. “And, I think you love me too, because you told me at Gina’s party but you were drunk but then you also kept talking about me after the party and I felt loved and I loved you and god—I love you so much and I want to be with you so bad... and I want to break up with Sophia because dating her didn’t help me get over you at all no matter how hard I tried! But I haven’t done that because it’s hard to do and I feel like it’d be less hard if you wanted to be with me so–“ he jumps off the swing, and walks into Amy’s space again–“I guess what I’m saying, or asking is: do you want to be with me?”

He blabbered on about all of that—every single thing he was oh so scared to tell her about came pouring out at once in a spiral. His mind is jumping back and forth between whether saying all of this has been a bad idea or the best decision he’ll ever make, but he’s doing his best to block out his internal ramblings.

But then Amy’s face doesn’t seem to hold the reaction he wants.

“Jake, I... I don’t—I don’t know what to say.”

Amy barely processed what Jake just said. For one, it all happened really fast, and he had talked really fast; she’s not in the right headspace to take in wild, heated speeches at the moment. Especially when all she can think about is that she might have just caused the death of someone. She is too young, and too unfamiliar with death to be at all unfazed by the fact that someone might have died today, and that it might be her fault.

It’s a pity that her personal struggles with this mishap (or to be more sensitive to Judge Dozerman’s maybe-death, tragedy?) tears Jake from bone to bone, burning him into a pile of ash.

“Don’t–“ he swallows, and it feels like he’s got actual ash in his throat, suffocating him–“don’t say anything. Please don’t bother. I get the message. Loud and clear. I should leave now—so, uh, I hope you’re okay. You should head on home too.”

He runs away, and no amount of calls or screams of his name bring him back.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 1837 HOURS, ARRIVING HOME**

To make matters worse, Roger answers the door when Jake gets home.

“Hey son!”

“Dad?! Wait, no–“ he storms in, shoving his sorry excuse of a father in the shoulder with his own shoulder to get past–“what the hell are you doing here? How dare you, how dare you just show up here after–“

“Jake, sweetie, please calm down. I know what I made it sound like, but your father didn’t abandon us.”

Jake tries to take his anger down a notch for his mother’s sake, but it barely works because he knows she has a habit of making excuses for his father, especially after he hurts her.

“What part of leaving without a word isn’t abandoning us?”

“Jake, I did leave a note.”

“Yes, he did!” Karen rings in blind support of Roger. “I just didn’t find it. If anything, this is my fault, Jake.”

Jake scoffs. “You left a note? What is this, 2005? Phones exist, dad! Use them!”

“Jake, phones also existed in 2005.”

“And I tried leaving a message when I was on the way to the airport, where I was heading because a buddy of mine needed me to cover him for a flight, but there was no service. It’s not my fault, Jake.”

Jake purses his lips tightly, unable to deal with this anymore. Too much, too much has happened, and all in one day.

“Okay. Fine. Nothing is your fault. Nothing is _ever_ your fault, dad.”

“Glad you’ve come to your senses.”

Jake’s about to get started on how he was being sarcastic when Karen interrupts.

“Anyway, how was the finals for that theatre competition, Jake?”

“Great. We might have killed a judge, and I’m going to die alone.”

He stomps off without explaining his very strange words, heading for his room so he can shove his head into a pillow and scream into it for the rest of eternity.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0000 HOURS, JAKE’S NIGHTMARES (#8: SAYING GOODBYE)**

He’s an idiot.

It was, it was definitely the wrong time to have thrown all of that at Amy. She wasn’t in the right headspace to hear all that, and again, it was the wrong time. They were just getting questioned by the police because a man saw them kiss and had a heart attack. A real dumb reason to die but then again—a man could have _died_.

Almost inadvertently killing a man together is a horrible time to tell someone you love them, right? What was his goal back there? ‘Hey I know someone might have died today because we kissed but let’s kiss more and totally date’?

What kind of idiot is he? No wonder Amy doesn’t want to be with him. She’s so smart, and she didn’t ask the love of her life to date her after accidentally giving someone else a heart attack with them.

Still, he misses her, and right now that’s all he can think about. It was the worst, horrible, possibly most unromantic way to tell someone you love them—but oh, what he wouldn’t have given for Amy to have said she loved him back.

He gets up on his feet now, and he’s in a dark void. Where is he? Usually, he’s about six inches deep into a horrible nightmare by now. A while back, he managed to change those nightmares into something good, something beautiful, something with Amy. The Amy in his nightmares is a rather twisted version of Amy, but she’s still Amy, and he still loves her beyond repair.

So where is she?

He’s had a horrible day, shouldn’t she be showing up right about now to try and make it worse?

“Amy?” He calls out tentatively. Nothing happens.

“Amy!” He yells commandingly, willing her to appear in front of his eyes. Still, nothing.

“Amy?! Amy! Amy? AMY!” He cups his hands around his mouth now, and goes into hysterics as he just keeps screaming her name.

Eventually, she shows up, and he’s so relieved he nearly falls to his knees.

“Ames, you’re here, you’re finally–“

He’s blocked off from her, and he runs into some sort of invisible barrier about ten feet away from her. He starts desperately pawing around this invisible cage to look for a blind spot, or perhaps some sort of door—but he never finds it. It seems that a forcefield of a ten foot radius has been erected around Amy, and he can’t get to her no matter how hard he tries.

“Amy, what’s going on? Why can’t I get close to you—who’s keeping you away from me?”

“I’m keeping me away from you, Jake,” she responds as chillingly as she possibly can, but there’s a hidden veil of vulnerability there too, that suggests that Amy is highly unwilling to do this. But Jake doesn’t sense that. His emotions are running on a high of pain, and a low on any type of happiness.

“What? No, no babe don’t go please—you know I can’t live without you–“

“I’ve been trying to break you, for so long and—I realized that the only way to do that would be to disappear. Sorry, Jake. But you won’t see me again.”

She disappears, and the sounds of agony that rip from Jake’s vocal chords echo into the abyss, but no one seems to care.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0737 HOURS, WAKING UP (WAKING UP INSIDE)**

The first thing Jake Peralta learns when he wakes up (at a stupidly early hour, but he’s too scared to go back to sleep) from the loneliest nightmare he’s ever suffered is that he did not kill a man yesterday. Okay, that’s harsh. While he (and Amy) did indirectly cause Judge Dozerman to suffer from a cardiac arrest less than 24 hours ago, this did not lead to the man’s demise, and thus Jake’s conscience is a-okay. All good. No dead man’s internal bleeding on his hands.

(It is important to note that Jake does not entirely understand what goes on inside a body during a heart attack, hence the medical inaccuracy of his statements.)

The second thing Jake learns after waking up—is that the band got revenge on them. But rather than attacking the drama club as a whole, a single individual seems to have been singled out.

And obviously, this individual happens to be Jake. The person from the band who executed this revenge also just happens to be Boone.

So what did Boone do? That’s simple to answer. This very morning, Boone’s posted a picture on his (unpopular) instagram, and he’s tagged Jake in the caption.

Not in the photo, because Jake isn’t in the photo.

The reason why Jake’s been tagged is because Boone posted a picture of Jake’s current girlfriend, Sophia. And Sophia isn’t alone in the photo, unfortunately. That’s the whole issue. She’s kissing someone who’s not Jake; even though Jake’s been planning on leaving her for a while, and he’s failed to love her until now, his hands still shake. His chest still tightens.

Boone’s just publicly handed Jake evidence that he’s been cheated on.

This realization coincides with the ringing of the door bell. Chills go down his spine as he lifelessly gets dressed to go and answer it.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S DOOR, 0743 HOURS, ANSWERING THE DOOR**

“Look, I know it’s early but–“

“Amy? It’s okay, I was already up. What—what are you doing here?” Jake’s heart seems to entirely disappear when he sees her standing in front of him. He’s not sure he can handle seeing her now, especially at this time. First, he finds out his girlfriend’s been cheating on him, which probably explains why she’s been so distant and hard to keep in contact with despite going to the same school—and now? Now he stands face to face with the girl he made a complete ass of himself in front of yesterday. Which is a critically horrendous state to be in, given that his head is hopelessly over his heels for her.

But even before Amy opens her mouth, Jake can sense how her presence alone is calming.

Okay, not calming per se, his entire soul is on fire—but she makes his problems go away. Not in a way that solves them, but in a way that makes them seem pointless.

Instead of wondering why on earth he got cheated on, what on earth was wrong with him that Sophia had to seek out someone else, wondering whether his mom felt this way when his dad cheated on her—Jake wonders (and panics over) why Amy is here, and what she wants. Did she see what Boone did? Is she here to comfort him? Could he be so lucky?

Then Amy opens that precious mouth of hers and solves his pointless problems, makes him the luckiest man alive. She turns his subpar day into the best one he’s lived in a long while.

“I love you,” she says desperately, like the words have been a feeling she’s wanted to express for so long, suppressed for so long. She used to seem so afraid, and now she looks like she’s abandoned fear in a used cardboard box deep down in some dirty alley. “I love you too, I love you so much, I—I know this is sudden, but I’ve been such a mess. This is something I’ve felt for a while now, and I hate myself for not saying it yesterday. I hate that I didn’t say it all those weeks ago when you said that you loved me, I hate that I don’t tell you this everyday. Because I should—because I’ve been lying for so long, to you, to myself, and I hate that I let what Holt could think get to me, I hate that I let all my insecurities push you away, when you’re the person I want close by all the time, Jake. Letting you go—for as long as I did, was the biggest mistake. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and... I think I’ll hate myself forever if I never told you the truth. The truth being that I love you. And that I want to be with you, so so badly. I’ll never let anything get in the way of that anymore, unless you don’t want to be with me. Because seriously, I’ve hurt you way more than any half decent human being deserves to be hurt, so what I’ve done is much worse because you’re the best person I know. Rightfully, you should hate me. You should hate my guts, and no one would blame you for it. But... if you’ll have me, I’m all yours for the taking.”

Jake can’t breathe again. But for an entirely different reason now. He knows, he should’ve interrupted her with a hot, romantic kiss about five sentences ago, but her speech to him was so healing, he couldn’t do it. Hearing her say all those things... made him light. Weightless. And oh how she seemed to glow as she talked.

He feels almost stupid for not dumping Sophia earlier, because had he not known she had cheated? He wouldn’t be ethically allowed to accept Amy’s offer. He wouldn’t be morally okay with it. But then again, if he had known Amy would show up on his doorstep this morning to say all this? He’d have dumped Sophia in a heartbeat. Heck, he’d dump her twice if it were necessary. After all, Jake would break a million hearts, if only to win the one that’s stolen his own.

(Then again, Amy probably decided to come over only because she found out what happened with Sophia and how Jake’s relationship with her kind of ended without him having to break things off.)

“Damn, girl.”

“Huh?”

“That was such a dope speech,” he marvels breathlessly. “Nothing I say can top that now.”

She giggles, tucking her hair behind her ears as her cheeks give away how he makes her feel. Still, she composes herself to look back up at his adoring smile. Because how could she resist?

“Maybe you shouldn’t say anything, then.”

“Good idea. Shutting up now,” Jake mumbles, his eyes transfixed on Amy’s as he leans in, before they shut and meet Amy’s lips in a long overdue, and heartfelt kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg adjaksjsk im so tired and also im so late ANYWAY HERES THE STURCH ITS TOO EARLY I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY 
> 
> uh,,, just comment and give me love and I’ll read it after this nap Imma take ok 
> 
> really hope y’all liked how this chapter ended I could have ended it a lot more cruelly but then I was like “why be an asshole when u can be nice”


	26. and i could use some time

**AMY’S ROOM, 0714 HOURS, FINDING OUT THAT JAKE GOT CHEATED ON (SO KIND OF LIKE A FLASHBACK BUT MORE LIKE A GOING BACK IN TIME SITUATION HOW COOL AMIRITE)**

She finds out about Boone’s supposed revenge against the “drama club” soon after she finds out that Judge Dozerman had survived his heart attack, and will be getting discharged from the hospital in 1–2 days.

The revelation that she and Jake weren’t responsible for the death of a man relieves her, but the realization that Sophia cheated on Jake angers her.

It throws her into a fury, in fact. She stomps around her room, wondering how in the world Sophia could do this—how could she _cheat_ on Jake? Who’s been nothing but the perfect boyfriend to her (aside from, y’know, being a little bit secretly in love with Amy)? Why, why in the world, would she cheat on Jake _?_ Who’s the most beautiful creature she knows? If anything, Jake would be the person one cheats with, not the person one cheats on. That being said however, regardless of how attractive Jake is, Sophia is still in the wrong for cheating on him, on anyone, for that matter. Who would do such a thing?

Amy fills up with fury as she thinks about Sophia, and her livid mind runs through all the possible things she could do to get revenge on Jake’s behalf. What could she do? Should she set Sophia’s car on fire? Should she send her anonymous hate on tumblr? What could be the worst thing?

Then Amy thinks about Jake, and worries about how he’s going to take this. How he’s going to handle it—because regardless of his feelings for Sophia, getting cheated on hurts. Besides, as a child of divorce that resulted from his father cheating on his mother, Jake probably feels even worse than the average person.

Amy stops getting angry at Sophia and starts getting angry at herself. No, wait, she’s still angry at Sophia—but now she’s also angry at herself. Because Jake loves her, he said he loved her but Amy was too busy being traumatized and confused to do what she should’ve done a long time ago. Not that her personal issues regarding yesterday’s incident aren’t valid, but she no longer cares about them, because they no longer exist. Jake however, is very much real, and before she saw Boone’s post she had been reluctant to reach out to Jake because he still had a girlfriend and she didn’t want to complicate things or tear them apart, didn’t want to hurt Sophia, who was perfectly nice.

Until now. Now, things have changed, and Amy no longer thinks that Jake should’ve been with Sophia at all. No cheater deserves to be in a happy relationship with the person they cheated on. She can’t believe she let her cowardice get in the way of her happiness, as well as Jake’s well-being.

So Amy gets dressed to leave her house, gets out of her room, and climbs down the stairs with a determined speed she’s never once possessed on stairs.

Her mother catches her when she reaches the ground floor.

“Mija, where are you going this early in the morning? I’m about to make breakfast.”

“Mom, I’m so sorry, but I have to go and see Jake right now. It’s an emergency,” she explains desperately.

“What happened?”

Camila walks towards Amy in concern as she dries a pan with a paper towel.

“His girlfriend cheated on him.”

“What?!” Camila looks just about ready to smack her daughter in the face. “Amy, how could you cheat on your boyfriend?”

“Huh? No, mom, he’s not my boyfriend. I mean, not... yet, I think.”

Amy blushes heavily under her mother’s insinuating smile.

“I see, I see. You’re trying to scoop him up now that he’s free for the taking. Finally. Can’t believe that boy didn’t notice you before. I could have sworn he was in love with you. 

“Mom, ‘scooping’ Jake up after he just got cheated on would be wrong on so many levels. But... I guess our situation is different, because he is in love with me. I think. I hope. Well, he was at some point. Not sure about now. That’s why I need to see him.”

Camila squints her eyes suspiciously at her daughter. “Don’t tell me... you had him before but gave him up?”

Amy gulps. “Love you, mom! No time to talk anymore, sorry!”

And then she runs out of the house before her mother can say another word.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 0746 HOURS, MAKING OUT**

At some point during the relentless kissing, Jake shuts the door and lifts Amy up in a bridal carry, walking her to his room. They stop kissing for a moment as they make their way into comfort and privacy behind a closed door and Amy giggles, bubbly and happy in Jake’s arms. She stops kissing him so he can watch his steps as he walks them to his room, but Jake spends the entire walk staring dreamily at Amy, completely enamored by the moment, by her. 

They start kissing again when Jake plops himself down on his bed, Amy sitting sideways on his lap, but still kissing the life out of him. Eventually, they wordlessly come to a consensus about taking a breather and pull apart, gasping for breath as they grin at each other.

 “Tell me you love me again,” he begs, hands carelessly sliding up her back, pulling her closer somehow.

 “I love you,” she complies without so much as a protest, because she loves Jake wholeheartedly, and she has a feeling she’s going to get addicted to declaring it. “I love you so much.”

 “God, that’s so _hot_ ,” Jake rasps, diving in for a reckless round of kissing again, except his actions display more intent this time. His hands slip down to the hem of her dress, dragging torturously up her thigh.

 “Please,” Amy whimpers as she inches herself closer to Jake, feeling frustrated at how he’s avoiding where she needs his touch most.

 “Please what?” He chuckles in between her mouth and chin, already dragging his lips to her neck.

 “Jake, I can’t right now,” she insists, trying to stop him in his playful tracks, fingers wrapping around his wrist to make sure he doesn’t stop touching her. “You have–“ she heaves with a pained bite of her lip–“you have no idea... how much I need you. I’ve been– it’s been too long Jake, too long _please_ –“

Her whine only grows more needy as Jake partially caves, by digging his knuckles against the apex of her thighs, moving upwards in a painfully slow pace that both gives away yet also withholds what Amy needs from Jake. 

“You think you’re the only one who’s waited too long?”

He drags a single finger now, up and down where his knuckles had been, and Amy struggles to keep still, struggles to breathe.

“It wasn’t the same for you. You had–“ she hesitates, unsure whether to bring up Sophia–“had... _someone_.”

“My point exactly.” He removes his finger from Amy and pushes her against his headboard, taking her hand and guiding it between her legs. Amy takes it as a cue to touch herself through her underwear, because she’s not sure when Jake will start properly touching her instead of toying with her. She’s even more unsure of what his words mean. What is his point, exactly?

He watches her for a moment, before planting a wet kiss at the base of her neck. “When you did this, when you were by yourself—were you thinking about me?”

Her eyes flutter open to look at Jake, before quickly turning their attention to his hands. All those times wishing it was his hands on her instead of her own, and she still can’t have what she wants, what she needs. “You know I only thought about you. Every single time. I’m so sick of touching myself, Jake, please, touch me?”

He wordlessly obliges, slipping his fingers into her underwear, and making Amy writhe into his touch.

“You see?” He says, and Amy doesn’t really get what she’s supposed to see. Her eyes are shut because he feels impossibly good, and she never wants Jake to stop touching her, just wants his fingers to rub fast and slow and hard, constantly giving into her desires. “You could think about me any old time, but I couldn’t think about you. Or at least, I didn’t let myself.”

Amy’s eyes flash with an odd concern, touching his arm which slows his movements down. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... I didn’t want to think about you on lonely nights because it felt like cheating. But it was so hard. Too hard, to get off without thinking about you.”

“Too hard to get hard?”

“Good one,” he smiles gently. “But yeah, kind of. There were nights where I got weak though. Sometimes you’d do something... and I wouldn’t be able to get you out of my head. Or I’d have some dream about you that I couldn’t forget, and then I’d have to... take care of the issue.”

Amy’s fingers travel onto Jake’s hand then proceed up his arm, the one that’s resting on her hip. “I’m sorry, you must’ve felt so guilty.”

“Oh yeah, I felt guilty as all hell. But... dreaming about you helped me miss you a bit less. Made it feel like you were there.”

“There with you, doing what? Did you have some... steamy dreams about me?”

She winks, seeming so proud about this, that Jake can’t help but grin his famously wide, uncontrollable smile. But they dissolve into a frown dripping with realism, the truth.

“Yeah, eventually. But at first, I mostly had... nightmares.”

Amy straightens, sitting up higher as he says this, takes this all in and realizes how horrid a reality Jake’s lived, and guilt claws at her insides, bleeds into her expression.

“You had nightmares? About me?”

“To be fair, they got better once I started going out with Sophia. I guess that’s why I thought dating her was a good idea. But I couldn’t get over you. I couldn’t even—I couldn’t even _sleep_ with her. And believe me, she tried. She asked. Many times. Was really patient about it too, since I said no every time. I guess... what I—and everyone else found out this morning is that, that she wasn’t as patient as she seemed after all.”

He gulps, retracting into himself, and Amy pushes closer to him to bring him back to her. 

“Jake, I’m so sorry she did that to you. No matter what the case, she was not entitled to anything you didn’t want to do. You didn’t deserve what she did. And she didn’t deserve you. You’re so much better than her—you’re so much better than most people, actually. And you’ve been hurt by people anyway, which sucks, and I hate that I hurt you too. Because I know it means that I don’t deserve you either.”

Jake places his hand over Amy’s, interlocking their fingers and kissing the back of her palm. “Don’t think like that, babe. I love you, and I forgive you, and I’d forgive you, for so many things.”

“I know. But I should make up for it. I should prove, at least to myself, that I’m worthy of being with someone like you.”

A part—a small, ugly part of Jake also feels that he’s not worthy of being with Amy. But he pushes that thought away, because he knows that they deserve each other.

“Okay. Then show me. Show me, remind me why I want you so badly, why I’ve wanted you so badly for the longest time. After all, me wanting you... that would make you deserve me, right?" 

Amy doesn’t express whether she agrees with this proposition, because what they both need right now doesn’t have much to do with her deserving to be with Jake.

She leans down, hand sliding up his thighs and stopping at his waist. She makes no motion to undo his pants, the random pair of slacks he pulled on when he got up to answer the door, because he had been wearing his boxers to sleep.

She starts to lace small kisses between his legs, all over his clothed crotch, strategically breaking him down one smooch at a time. The sensations bring an agonizing pain, yet feel impossibly good at the same time. Each time Jake tries to pull down his fly, or attempts to tug off his bottoms in any way, Amy swats his hand away, eventually pinning his hands to the mattress, on either side of his hips.

“Amy, please, you’re so good, I need more than this, p-please...” he tightens his clenched lips. “I need to feel you.”

“You are feeling me. Am I making you want me yet?”

“You know that was never a challenge.” He grips the sheets in his fists, unsure how much more of this torture he can take. “I always want you babe, I only want you. I wanna touch only you, kiss only you, fuck only–“

She spreads her fingers out on top of his aching need, nails dragging over his bulge and he groans, nearly screeching at her touch.

 “Amy, please, I’m begging you, please–“

“Are you hurting, babe?”

“Been hurting for so long. Don’t charm a snake if you’re gonna keep the basket shut.”

Amy snorts at this euphemism, dragging down his fly before stroking him gently and swirling her tongue around him.

He stops this too.

“No, no...” he shakes his head. “Can’t. Too good. If you keep that up I’m gonna come all over your face.”

“What if that’s what I want?”

Jake bites down hard on his lip at Amy’s words, at the way she raises her eyebrow suggestively, at the way she licks her lips, while still slowly stroking him.

“You’re so hot.”

“I know. So are you,” she says slyly, picking up her pace.

“Oh god–“ he shuts his eyes tight–“oh holy shit... you’re serious about... shit, babe—don’t you want, don’t you want me inside you first?”

“We both know I can get you hard again when I need you to be.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0801 HOURS, HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT (WINK WINK)**

“Sorry for ruining your dress,” Jake apologizes without an ounce of guilt in his voice, leaning against his headboard with a smirk.

 “Maybe you should take it off then,” Amy says flirtatiously, as she desperately rubs at it with tissue, secretly thinking about how she’s going to get this stain off her dress once she’s home. “So I won’t dirty it any further.”

“Good plan.” Jake tilts his head sideways. “Maybe you should take it off yourself. Take off your underwear too, in fact, you shouldn’t be wearing anything. I mean, we don’t want to stain your pretty clothes, do we?”

“No, we don’t. But if you’re looking for a strip show from me, don’t look any further. I’m not very interesting when I get undressed.”

“Lucky for you, I’m very easily entertained. Especially when it comes to you.” He pulls her close again, watching her unzip her dress. He then starts tugging the obstructive thing off her shoulders, getting it down to her waist as she undoes her bra with a giggle.

“What happened to me getting undressed by myself?”

“Eh, turns out—I’m very easily entertained, but I’m also very bad at resisting the urge to get you naked myself.” She pulls her dress down and drops it on the ground, while Jake continues to demonstrate his lack of restraint by tugging off Amy’s underwear, leaving her naked in his lap.

“Am I naked enough for you now?”

“Yup, perfect.” He kisses her jawline, hand running up her bare back. “I can touch you everywhere now.”

“Good,” she remarks, tracing his back muscles. “ _Please do."_  

“Only if you love me.”

“Every part of me loves you, so please–“ she kisses him softly on the cheek–“touch me?”

“I’ll do you one better than that,” he lies Amy down on his bed, and moves in between her legs, making her squirm at where he decides to place his lips, where he attacks her ruthlessly with his tongue.

“Oh god, yes, yes please–“ she lies her head on his pillows and lets him take over her world—she melts into an intense bliss, feels everything he does, and it’s so so good, better than anything she’s done to herself in a long while.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0817 HOURS, SHE’LL BE COMING ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES**

 “Good?” Jake asks with the most shameless look on his face, licking his slick lips as he crawls up next to Amy, looking ever so pleased with himself. He’s just digging for praise at this point—he knows exactly how well he did, as if the way Amy screamed his name wasn’t enough.

 “ _The best_ ,” Amy praises breathlessly, going along with his ego’s needs, because he kind of deserves it. “So good. I should keep you stowed away in my room, so that I can have this every day.”

 “Mm, that sounds good to me too. I’d love to go down on you every day. I’d also love to skip school, since you’re making it sound like I’d be your secret sex prisoner.”

 “Oh, you’re still going to school.” Amy strokes affectionately at his chest. “Can’t let you out of my sight, can I?”

 “Of course, I’d die if I couldn’t see you,” he combs his fingers through her hair, not at all ashamed at how dramatic he’s being. “I need you like air, babe. Promise you’ll never leave me?”

 Despite the casual (super fucking clingy), hypothetical situation they’re discussing, Jake’s words are very much loaded with vulnerability. Essentially, he’s asking Amy if she’ll be his, if she’s serious about being with him.

 “I promise. I’m all yours now. I love you, I need you, and I want you. I just want to be by your side, all the time. Being with you... it fills me with a joy I can’t even _describe_. It’s a joy that I’ve stopped denying now. I’ll never deny the depth of my feelings for you, ever again. I don’t have any excuses not to, and I’ve stopped making excuses.” She runs her fingers through his hair, finding this act to be incredibly cathartic. “Before... I was telling myself stuff like, what we had between us was all in my head, that it wasn’t that deep, that it wasn’t the right time in my life for something this intense—or that I shouldn’t be with you if someone wise that I respect doesn’t think it’s right. And then it became excuses like you having a girlfriend, or that you probably got over me somehow—now, I know that’s not true, and your girlfriend turning out to be... well, _awful_ is one way to put it—opened my eyes. It’s now or never. Every second I waste not being with you is a second of happiness forgone.”

 “Wow,” Jake swallows, incredibly overwhelmed once more. He’s almost glad that Sophia cheated on him. Almost. Being cheated on still sucks majorly. “So... where does that leave us? What are we, now?”

 “We can be anything you want us to be. I can be your girlfriend if you want, and I’ll wear that title with honor, and pride.”

 He chuckles, heartened by her words. “You’re making it sound like being my girlfriend’s a big prize.”

 “It should be. Anyone could only be so lucky.”

 He kisses her fingers almost unceremoniously. “Then congratulations, girlfriend.”

 She giggles, pressing up against him temptingly. “Should we... seal the deal, then?”

 “Yes, let’s do just that. By taking a nice, long nap.”

 “Huh?” Amy leans back in confusion as Jake yawns, pushing himself into a reclined position, pulling Amy down along with him as he tucks them in under the covers, humming all too contentedly.

 “Yeah, I’m all tuckered out. I promise I’ll give it to you as hard as you want when we wake up, but I did _not_ sleep well last night.” He wraps his arms around Amy’s waist, making an unintelligible sound as he shuts his eyes. “You know I only sleep good when I’m with you.”

 “It’s sleep _well_ , Jake,” she corrects, but shuts her eyes too, already feeling sleepy in his arms. She hasn’t been sleeping too fantastically over the past few weeks either.

 “See?” he mumbles tiredly. “I clearly need a nap. Also, I think I ran out of condoms so we probably need to go get some later.”

Amy groans impatiently, but she’s already tucked herself into the space against Jake’s body, already approaching the edge of consciousness.

“Love you too,” he groans with a tired smile, slowly drifting off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1020 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS (TIME FOR SOME BULLSHIT)**

“Aren’t you just... so glad that the real versions of us figured it all out?” Sex Dream Amy wipes a tear from her eye as the screen goes black, signifying that real Jake has fallen asleep.

“Yeah. Beautiful. Those two crazy kids finally figured it out. I feel like that’s a weird thing to say after we just saw them have oral sex, though, is it?” Current Events Jake remarks questioningly.

“Maybe. But then again–“ she drifts as her fingers gently caress his stubble–“you do say the sweetest things to me during sex. And also before sex—and also after sex.”

“Wow.” Current Events Jake’s hand runs up Sex Dream Amy’s thigh. She’s sat on his lap, one leg crossed over the other with her arms around his neck. She’s sitting on his lap because there’s only one chair in his office; he had to work all day, and she wanted to be with him all day too. This was the compromise—but because they’re together, it doesn’t feel like a compromise at all. “Maybe I should... say some sweet things to you then.”

She grins widely as he winks, pulling him down for a kiss. “Yes,” she assents. “After all, it seems like you won’t be working for a while.”

She’s right. The blacked-out screens in Current Events Jake’s office basically spell out a few hours of free time for him. However, what they fail to anticipate is that other people—namely the one curled up in his lap—may start getting busy real soon.

Sex Dream Amy’s phone rings; she has a phone, because why not, and as much as she would hate to answer it right now, she has no choice but to pick up the phone because she hasn’t gotten a call in ages, and also Current Events Jake just stopped kissing her under the assumption that she was going to answer her phone, so she doesn’t really have an excuse.

She regrets answering her phone when she hears what they have to say. She regrets having a phone at all, hanging up with her face ashen, Current Events Jake completely unable to figure out what’s wrong.

“Babe? Are you okay? What did they say to you?”

She takes a deep breath.

“Mastermind Jake... just ordered a sex dream.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1026 HOURS, AMY’S DREAMS**

She’s chasing a butterfly, blowing huge bubbles into the wind. Barefoot. In a large, vast field, covered with dandelions, grass. Alone. Giggling. Having the time of her life in a white silk dress with pretty streaks of burgundy.

She sees a sunflower. A petal spontaneously falls off and when she crouches down to pick it up, the ground transforms into panels of wood. She straightens and realizes she’s standing up in a boat; a rocky boat, struggling to keep afloat in the middle of the sea.

The fear of capsizing immediately rushes through her and she collapses down on the boat in a heap. Heart racing, breath ragged, she grabs onto the edge of the boat to keep still. The boat shakes, and then something on her head falls off, landing in the water. It’s a captain’s hat.

She reaches forth to grab it, but a sudden force shoves her over the edge and into a pond.

A pond? Yes, she’s in a pond, something that’s abundantly clear to her now. She’s standing in the pond, and the water doesn’t so much as come up to her waist. There’s lily pads and moss covering the pond, a frog here, a dragonfly there. She wades her way out of the pond, but trips when she’s at shore.

She yelps, feeling her knee scrape against something as she falls, shutting her eyes in pain. Strangely, all her pain disappears the second her eyelids snap shut. She opens her eyes to find herself standing in a hospital ward.

There’s only one bed in the room, and its occupant is hooked up to a range of life support machines. Clearly, they’re on their deathbed; old and frail is the only impression Amy forms of them, for she cannot make out their face.

“Amy?” they breathlessly heave, still alive. “Come closer... there is something I need you to remember.”

Amy can’t figure out who this person is. Are they a friend? Family member? Distant relative? Amy knows not what this person’s connection to her is. But, they know her by name, and from the looks of it, they’re about to say their last words to her. The least she can do is lend a listening ear.

“Yes?” she asks, heart palpitating. This dying person is sickly and weirdly green somehow, it only gets more disgusting to look at the longer she fixates her eyes on them.

“Mi...”

“Me? Me what?”

They shake their head. “No. Mitochondria... is the powerhouse of the cell.”

They struggle to inhale after that mouthful of a sentence.

Amy is flabbergasted by this. “What?”

“MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL!”

Amy falls to the ground from the sheer volume and magnitude of their words, causing some kind of earthquake, as the ground starts to shake and the lights start to flicker; a deafening screech evolves from nowhere in the air, hurting her ears.

“Why are you telling me this?!” She asks, yelling her query above the noise with her hands over her ears.

“YOU MUST–“ they scream, convulsing, bloodshot eyes so wide open they no longer look human–“REMEMBER!”

Everything goes black and silent. When Amy opens her eyes again, she’s in a wide, windy field of dandelions and grass. She opens up her tightened fist.

In it, sits a single rose petal.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1024 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

“I had a feeling this would happen,” Current Events Jake grumbles, pacing around his office.

“Baby, it’s okay. Maybe—maybe if I protest really hard, they won’t make me do it. They can find some other Amy, right? We all look the same anyway.”

Current Events Jake shakes his head profusely. “No, not that, definitely not that. You can’t refuse to work—being in sex dreams is your sole purpose. If management doesn’t see a need for you anymore, they’ll terminate you, just like they did to Nightmare Amy.”

Sex Dream Amy’s lips tremble. She’s still unwilling to accept the fate of her friend. “No, they won’t do that to me—just like they didn’t do anything to her—they just hid her away, that’s all. She left on sabbatical, she’ll be back soon.”

“Maybe,” Current Events Jake says, hands reaching for Sex Dream Amy’s shoulders to keep her still. “But we don’t know that for sure. And... I can’t risk you. I can’t risk losing you. I’d die if they sent you away. I can’t live without you, you know that?”

Sex Dream Amy gently clutches Current Events Jake’s cheek. “I can’t live without you too. But... are you sure? You’re okay with this? With him?”

“I kind of have to be, don’t I? Besides, even if you... voluntarily wanted to do the dream, I wouldn’t stop you. I know... I know you love me, but he used to be your entire world, honey.”

“ _Used to,_ ” she reminds, kissing him on the cheek. “I promise, he has no effect on me now.”

“You don’t have to make promises. He... I know what he can do. I’ve seen the dreams you were in, and I know what he does to you. I know that was real—and if... if you end up enjoying what happens, I won’t blame you. Okay? I just don’t want you to feel guilty over something you don’t have to swear on.”

He lavishes her with hushed kisses, and she falls apart at his words, his touch.

“You saw those dreams I was in?” she asks suggestively, trying to change the subject.

“Of course,” he presses a kiss to her chin. “Was your biggest fan. You were so hot in your dreams. They were the only thing that could distract me from my job. I’d lock myself away for hours and flood my head with thoughts of you.”

Sex Dream Amy moans as his fingers go up her skirt, making her squirm at his touch. “Mm... you were really thinking about me so much? Even before we met?”

“Why else do you think I volunteered to take on the job of keeping you away from him?”

She exhales breathlessly. “You were planning on stealing me away from him all along, weren’t you?”

“Busted,” Current Events Jake says cheekily. “Although,” he continues, “I would’ve never tried anything you didn’t want. I assumed you wouldn’t want anything anyway. You had... such an intense relationship with him, after all.”

“Again, I wish you hadn’t seen us like that. I wish it had been only me in those dreams. Because if it were me, I would’ve hated it. I don’t want anyone taking you away from me.”

“It’s okay,” he assures, with his words and touch. “It was nice seeing him in those dreams too. He’s a sight for sore eyes, I have to admit. Also I don’t mind admitting that he looks good, since we look almost exactly the same. Because we’re basically different personas of the same person.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 1103 HOURS, TRYING TO WAKE JAKE UP**

Amy wakes up with a jolt, barely remembering where she is. Oh, she’s in Jake’s bed, right? They decided to take a nap together, like any two sane people would after getting each other off at eight in the morning.

She had a good nap, obviously, since she was being held by Jake, since she was holding Jake. It feels good to be engulfed by him, and also to wrap her arms around him. Being next to him in bed... it’s such a mundane-sounding thing, but it’s phenomenal. Downright life changing.

She watches his chest rise and fall in slumber, debating whether to wake him up or go back to sleep. She trails kisses up and down his clavicle, running her fingers up his chest. He doesn’t stir. Perhaps, he’s much more tired than he led her to believe, which is saying a lot.

And if Jake’s not awake, what’s the point of being awake, right?

Amy shuts her eyes, drifting back to sleep again.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1143 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

Sex Dream Amy flips through her script in frustration. The entire thing is handwritten, by Scriptwriter Jake, who was forced to come up with a sex dream plot fast due to very recent events in Jake’s life. She can’t read a word of it, due to his abysmal handwriting.

“Ugh, I give up!” She groans, tossing her script against the wall in frustration, burying her head in her knees.

“You look unhappy,” Sex Dream Jake remarks as he leans against the wall, sounding incredibly amused.

“Well, that’s because Scriptwriter Jake can’t write anything legible to save his _life_ ,” she huffs resentfully, turning her head to look up at him—only for her heart to stop. “What... what are you...”

He’s wearing glasses. Sex Dream Amy could not be more thrown if she tried.

“What am I what? Oh, you mean _these_?” He attractively adjusts his glasses and winks at her. She doesn’t know how he managed to attractively adjust glasses, but he did, and it was frustratingly attractive. “You’ll be surprised to know how easy it is to get your hands on one of these. He’s not the only one who’s allowed to wear glasses, you know.”

Sex Dream Amy’s mouth goes dry. Right. Current Events Jake. He’s the one she loves. And no matter what he said, her heart belongs to him. Wholeheartedly. She can’t love Current Events Jake and also feel anything for Sex Dream Jake at the same time, right? No matter how enticing Sex Dream Jake looks, sporting a nice set of glasses along with a very flattering set of boxers.

“True,” she swallows nervously. “But... you don’t need glasses.”

“I do need them. To impress you. And also, they’ve been a real good conversation starter, ever since I started wearing them.”

“Good for you,” Sex Dream Amy stands up with a sigh, walking over to the wall to retrieve her script.

“Good for me indeed, since I think these glasses are working on you,” he says, remarking upon how he saw her react when she first saw him. “I’m not wrong, am I?”

She fixes him with a glare immediately. “You’re wrong. They are not working on me.”

“How? You like seeing them on him. Don’t pretend I’m not bringing something to the table. Like I get it, he has a hot bangable body—I’d do him too if I could—but you can’t say you don’t want me too."

“I don’t want you. Too.”

He crosses his arms with a smirk. If he didn’t know Sex Dream Amy as well as he did, he’d be spurned, but that’s not the case here. “You know it just turns me on when you get all mean. But if you don’t want me, beware of someone else snatching me up, babe. Lots of Amys have been falling left and right for me in glasses. Everyone totally wants me now—not that they didn’t before—but now? They all want me even more.”

Sex Dream Amy bites down on her lip. She’s suppressing, pushing down hard on the dark part of her that feels a little bit of jealousy. Because she shouldn’t be feeling jealousy at all. “Then... then go sleep with all those Amys. Don’t bother with me.”

She brings her script to the long table and sets it down, pulling out a chair for herself and frustratedly turns the pages of her script again. She clearly seems tense.

“Only one problem with that idea–“ he explains as he takes the chair next to hers–“none of them would be you.”

That makes her heart tighten a little. Turns out, Sex Dream Jake has charms that never quite go away, that never quite stop working for Sex Dream Amy. Just because she hasn’t been subjected to his sweet nothings for a while doesn’t mean she’s developed an immunity. For now, however, she ignores him, pushing the script towards him.

“Right,” she sighs, pulling herself together. “Look—can you help me out here? I can’t make out any of Scriptwriter Jake’s words. You’re a Jake, your handwriting should be just as much of a disaster.”

He snorts. “I’d be offended, but that’s true, and also I understand what he’s saying perfectly.”

“So what does it say? What do we have to do?”

“Does it really matter?” he asks. “I mean... the gist of all our sex dreams are basically: you and me, going at it like there’s no tomorrow, getting to make you scream my name so loud that every one can hear–“

Sex Dream Amy abruptly gets up from her seat to pace around in frustration. It’s a much more violent reaction this time around, and it makes Sex Dream Jake think that he’s really pissed her off this time, pushed her buttons too much. And for that, he feels genuinely ashamed, but he doesn’t know that the frustration Sex Dream Amy is stomping around the room for is sexual in nature—she nearly jumped him a second ago, and he didn’t even have to touch her. He hasn’t touched her since stepping foot into this room, and she supposes that despite all that bravado and brazen flirting, he’s keeping his hands away from her out of respect. On some level, he recognizes that touching her would be crossing a line that he’s unsure whether he’s allowed to cross yet. He wants her, but he also wants her explicit permission to let him have her.

“Look...” Sex Dream Jake starts off nervously. “I know that—that having to do this is hard for you. And even though I’m happy that we’re going to be in a dream together again, I’m not happy because it means you’ll be having sex with me—I’m happy because it means I get to spend time with you again. Honestly, you don’t even need to have sex with me later, during the dream, cuz... we could always try to fake it. I could help you fake it.”

Sex Dream Amy stops walking. “You... you’d do that for me?”

“Duh. I’d do anything for you. Also we could make a fun game out of it. Like... we could ‘accidentally’ turn off our microphones and just say the dumbest things in the filthiest of ways to pretend we’re talking dirty—bet you could trick all the other lip-reading Amys too, by saying stupid stuff that could also be interpreted as naughty words.”

Sex Dream Amy giggles. “I have to say... that actually does sound kind of fun.”

“Yeah! See, fake-sex doesn’t have to be boring! It’s gonna be fun, just as long as we’re together.”

She makes eye contact with him, her gaze softening. “Is it... so important that you be with me?”

“Of course,” he says without a moment’s hesitation. “You’re the one I love. And I’m not giving up on you, unless you want to be with him and only him forever. Is that... really what you want? To never be touched by me again?”

Sex Dream Amy swallows hard. “No,” she admits, in spite of herself. “That... actually isn’t what I want. I love him, and I want to be with him—but I can’t deny that a part of me... wants you too. Maybe I just miss you, or it’s an old impulse, or urge–“

“Or maybe... you want me, period. And you were only forcing yourself to not love me before because you couldn’t have me, and you coped by falling in love with someone else. Which doesn’t mean you stopped loving me.” He scratches the back of his head. “It also doesn’t mean what you have with him isn’t real. Babe, this doesn’t have to be hard. I’m not saying you have to leave him to be with me—I’m saying that maybe... all three of us could have some fun. I know I was upset about it at first, but the two of you are kind of hot together. I just think that... you and me are still hot together too. And, maybe, if you combined all of that, we’d be so hot the world would end.”

Sex Dream Amy is almost speechless, because he’s right. It was easier to deny before, when Sex Dream Jake was out of sight, and she had Current Events Jake filling her mind (amongst other places). But now, as he’s standing right in front of her, there’s nothing Sex Dream Amy wants more than to have him again, make love to him again.

“What... does the world imply in this context? The real one, or the one we live in? As in, the subconscious of an eighteen year old male?”

Sex Dream Jake chuckles, amused by her insights. “Maybe a bit of both?”

Sex Dream Amy drags her fingers through her perfect hair. “You... talked about all three of us, being a thing. What would that entail?”

“I’ve actually thought about it. A little bit. In the beginning, I thought about seducing you again, and making him watch as I had my way with you in front of him—then I thought about consensually hate-fucking him, you know, for stealing you away, even though it wasn’t really either of your faults. Then... I got more okay about the whole thing, and I started thinking about how we could actually work together.”

“Work together?”

“To drive you over the edge,” he says, and it sounds like a fantasy he’s lost himself in, taken to like a fish with water. She can’t wait to sink to the bottom of his ocean. “Repeatedly. I thought about... how we could better, y’know, fuck you. By teaming up.”

“Wow,” Sex Dream Amy heaves with arousal. “ _Teamwork_.” A weird concept to be turned on by, but whatever works.

“Yeah,” Sex Dream Jake continues, making eye contact with her in the most strangely alluring way possible. “Think about it—he could, let’s say, eat you out, and I could... focus on kissing your neck, and touching you wherever you wanted my hands,” he absentmindedly traces his fingers on the table. “I’d whisper the filthiest things in your ear too.”

Sex Dream Amy’s stomach flips over. This is the final straw. Her hands go to her proper button-down (she wore it out of resentment at first, refusing to look sexy for the sex dream), and she starts undressing herself with an intensity that seems to scare even Sex Dream Jake.

“What are you doing?” he asks, both confused and excited at the same time. And also aroused, because Sex Dream Amy is hot no matter what she does, and as far as he’s concerned, she’s taking her clothes off in front of him, which is never not hot.

“Getting naked. I’m not waiting for the sex dream to start, I want you now–“

He moves towards her immediately, planting his lips on hers when her shirt comes off. She tastes like sweet ecstasy (the concept, not the drug, although there’s a possibility that she tastes like a bit of both), and Sex Dream Jake already can’t get enough of her. She feels like a dangerous addiction in his hands, and he’s already fallen into her without abandon.

“Do the glasses stay on or off?” He asks, because he’s not used to them and he wants to be kissed all over his face without anything in the way.

She pulls his glasses off and flings them away, which sums up her thoughts. “I love you the way you are,” she declares, pulling him back in for a kiss once more.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1232 HOURS, AMY’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

“Excellent work back there, Scriptwriter Amy,” praises Executive Producer Amy. “The dream was whimsical and confusing, making absolutely no sense at all. Amy definitely forgot about 80% of it when she woke up. You did a great job.”

Scriptwriter Amy wipes a single tear away from her cheek, standing up and giving a slight bow. Her desk is immaculate, all her office supplies perfectly labeled and organized. “It’s what I do,” she says with an attempt at a casual shrug, because it’s clear that she’s wallowing in praise.

“And you do it perfectly,” Executive Producer Amy continues before walking away, heels clacking in tandem behind her, shiny hair flipping gently behind her shoulder as she sashays off.

Scriptwriter Amy can only sigh dreamily.

“Wow, you _badly_ want to fuck her, don’t you?”

Scriptwriter Amy’s head flips around in a scandalized manner, ready to go off at whoever said that.

She comes face to face with Sexual Amy. Crap.

“You... you’re—not supposed to be here.”

And she’s right. Sexual Amy really _isn’t_ supposed to be here. She makes up part of Amy’s personality and decision-making process. She’s not supposed to set foot into the Dream Headquarters at all. The first and only official time she was here was when the Council Of Amys called an emergency meeting and demanded to appear in a dream to present their arguments over Amy’s dilemma to her via her subconscious.

And apparently, she’s gotten addicted to stopping by the Dream Headquarters ever since.

“You’re right,” Sexual Amy agrees, leaning against Scriptwriter Amy’s desk. “I am not supposed to be here. Just like how you’re not supposed to be having nasty nasty thoughts about Little Miss Producer back there.”

Scriptwriter Amy’s face goes completely red. “Shut up! I don’t want to have sex with her, _you_ want to have sex with her!”

Sexual Amy snorts. “You’re right, I _do_ want to have sex with her. But that doesn’t mean you don’t."

Scriptwriter Amy refuses to cave, avoiding eye contact with Sexual Amy and straightening her already very well straightened desk. “What are you even doing here?”

It’s a genuine question, and not just a means of changing the subject. Scriptwriter Amy has never directly interacted with Sexual Amy before, they’ve never so much as talked about the weather together. And now, she’s accusing her of wanting to have sexual intercourse with Executive Producer Amy. Which is a weird thing to do, but it’s strangely titillating, getting teased by Sexual Amy. All the rumors were true. She is horrifyingly seductive, and whatever she’s got going on _works_ , somehow. 

“Well–“ Sexual Amy crosses then uncrosses her legs, something which makes Scriptwriter Amy gulp–“I was here to look for either Sex Dream Jake or Sex Dream Amy. Or both. They’re wild in bed. But... something’s caught my eye, so I don’t think I’ll be looking them up any more. At least, not right now.”

Scriptwriter Amy isn’t sure if she knows how to breathe. Or, if she even needs to breathe. Does she need to breathe? She’s not human, she just happens to live in the subconscious of one.

“Who’s caught your eye?” she feigns ignorance, kind of hating herself for it. She used to make fun of all the Amys who fell into Sexual Amy’s “trap”, yet here she is: a huge, very much turned on, idiot.

“I heard she writes really good dreams. But she’s got a wild streak too, because according to those who’ve starred in them, she writes _amazing_ sex dreams. Do I have to say more to feed your praise kink, or are you finally going to make out with–“

Scriptwriter Amy’s lips meet Sexual Amy’s before she can finish her sentence, to her relief and delight.

Needless to say, Scriptwriter Amy’s immaculate desk becomes much less so with Sexual Amy around.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1307 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

They lie side by side on top of the long table, panting like two insane people who’ve just completely re-invented marathon sex.

“I... I forgot how intense it gets. With you,” she remarks almost tiredly. She’s not exaggerating, because Sex Dream Jake’s penis is literally magical. He can get going as often as he needs to, for as long as he needs to. It’s non-stop sex with no breaks in between for him, and it might just break Sex Dream Amy if she didn’t also have an incredible stamina. Then again, they were both literally built for the purpose of having as much sex as impossible. “We might actually have to fake our sex in the sex dream later on—I don’t think I can have any more sex. Ever again.”

“Sorry. Got a wiener that just won’t _wean off_ ,” he says cheekily. “And we’ll see about the fake sex thing later. I bet I can still make you beg for it.”

“Mm,” she moans. “You’re right. I want you again. Come here?”

He obliges her with a chuckle, gravitating towards her instantly. Soon, they’re kissing again, only this time, they get interrupted mere moments in. The door opens, and Sex Dream Jake and Sex Dream Amy pull apart just slightly, kind of annoyed at getting disrupted.

“We’re just practicing in here!” Sex Dream Jake hollers with a brief titter at the end, because technically he’s not lying. 

Sex Dream Amy laughs along too, until the door slams against the wall as it fully opens, and she realizes who’s standing at the door.

Current Events Jake looks crushed, broken, torn apart—like his soul’s just been obliterated. He swallows once, says nothing, and then turns around, walking away with the spirit of someone who wants to run for their life.

“Wait!” Sex Dream Amy calls out desperately, pushing Sex Dream Jake off (who backs off immediately) of her to chase after Current Events Jake, grabbing his arm and pulling him around to face her. “Babe, it’s not what it looks like.”

Current Events Jake looks like he’s trying his absolute hardest to keep his pain and anger at bay. He looks like he’s just been betrayed. “No, you don’t have to explain. I—I get it. I shouldn’t have tried to, to get in the way of the two of you in the first place. He’s your soulmate, that’s written in the stars or some crap, you were always meant to be with him–“

She cuts him off with a kiss, and he sinks into it. She puts his arms around her, lets him feel her, lets him touch her to make him believe that all is not lost.

He uses all his restraint to pull away. The look on his face could burn cities to the ground with all the sorrow it holds.

“What are you doing to me?”

“I love you, and I’m not letting you walk away from this. I’m not leaving you and, well—maybe he is my soulmate. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be my soulmate too.”

Current Events Jake exhales in part disbelief, and part confusion. “Doesn’t that just defeat the purpose of soulmates?”

“Then maybe soulmates are bullshit.” She traces her fingers on his chest. “I could never pick him over you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him, that I don’t want him. I was talking about it with him, and maybe... we can all be together. For the record, he thinks you’re cute too.”

Current Events Jake starts reciprocating Sex Dream Amy’s touch, circling her bare waist with his arms. His anger dissipates, and he quickly realizes that he had only felt as such because he was afraid of losing her.

“Does he?” Current Events Jake snorts. “That’s only because we look almost exactly the same. He’s just stroking his ego.”

“Oh, you’d be lucky to look anything like me,” interjects Sex Dream Jake, poking his head through the door. “I on the other hand, can look exactly like you without trying–“ he brags, putting on his glasses–“see?”

“Where’d you get those?” Current Events Jake demands, more confused than peeved.

“Optometrist Jake.”

“Right.”

“Anyway, are you coming in or what? Amy’s been naked out in the open with you long enough—she’s going to catch a cold. Also, someone might drop by and see something they shouldn’t.”

“To be fair, doesn’t everyone know how I look like naked? All the Amys basically look the same as me, and all the Jakes gather around dream viewing screens to see me have sex. Every time. Some of them are queuing up right as we speak.”

Sex Dream Jake sighs in disapproval. “They’re all a bunch of relatable perverts.”

“Yeah,” Current Events Jake scratches his head sheepishly. “I uh, totally wasn’t one of them.”

Sex Dream Jake rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you just happen to have private access to all of the real Jake’s memories—including sexy timez with the real Amy, as well as recordings of every sex dream we’ve ever made.”

“Which I had to look at because it was my job–“

“Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure watching us make love and beating off to it is at the _top_ of your job description,” he says patronizingly, with a wink, making it unclear whether he’s taking a jab at Current Events Jake or flirting with him. It could very well be a little bit of both.

“You–“

“Calm down,” Sex Dream Amy soothes Current Events Jake, patting him on the back. “You both know I’m the one who made sex dreams viewable in the first place. By consenting to them being permanently recorded instead of being filmed on the streaming camera that doesn’t save dreams very well.”

“Yeah, because you’re an exhibitionist who loves the attention,” Sex Dream Jake says affectionately, reminiscing about all the times he’s enriched their sex using that kink of hers. She loves getting reminded of the fact that all the Jakes (and some of the Amys) want her more than anything.

“Exactly,” Sex Dream Amy confirms. “So it’s time to stop being idiots, and start focusing your attention on me. And also each other, but mostly on me.”

She pulls Current Events Jake into the room and Sex Dream Jake ducks back into the room with them. The former presses his lips against Sex Dream Amy who moans as he sits her on the table and takes advantage of the fact that she’s bare and always so sensitive for him. Sex Dream Jake begins to approach them to join in when he’s stopped by Current Events Jake.

“No. You only get to watch right now—you only join in when I tell you to.”

Sex Dream Jake gulps. “Damn. Why do I like that so much?”

Current Events Jake winks at him, but Sex Dream Amy seems to disagree with this decision.

“No,” she commands. “You’ll only join in when _I_ tell you to.”

They both nod obediently—because she’s the one with real power here.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1408 HOURS, AMY’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

Scriptwriter Amy slowly runs her hands over Sexual Amy’s body. She’s mesmerized, entranced, has no idea how such a creation could exist.

“Your body... is something out of this world.”

“Thanks,” Sexual Amy grins, moving Scriptwriter Amy’s hands where she wants them. “You have a pretty banging body too. Then again, we do look almost identical. Especially since we’re both in the nude right now.”

“True, but also no—there’s something else about you, something that pops, something that takes ahold inside of a person when they see you.” She exhales in wonder. “What are you made of?”

“Electrolytes, mostly,” she jokes, making Scriptwriter Amy laugh. “Kidding. I’m not sure what we’re all made of. I’m of the belief that our existence is largely metaphysical. We do, after all, live inside the head of an eighteen year old girl. I just happen to be part of her personality and agendas, while you... make her dreams what they are.”

Scriptwriter Amy looks blown away. “Has anyone ever told you how insightful you are?”

“I’m a genius, yes. I just wish my coworker would admit it already.”

“Who?”

“Oh, you haven’t heard? Academic Amy and I are playing the world’s biggest game of sex chicken. She refuses to admit that I’m smarter than her, and she also refuses to admit that she wants me bad. I, on the other hand, am refusing to have sex with her unless she begs for it.”

“Wow,” Scriptwriter Amy marvels, not entirely sure what’s happening because she doesn’t keep up with what the Personality Amys do in general. It’s not her job. “How’s that going for you?”

Sexual Amy groans. “Horrible. She’s the literal worst. Did you know that she slept with Romantic Amy just to spite me? That’s my wife!”

“You have a wife?”

“Eh, I just like saying that. Also, she’s probably the closest thing I’ll ever have to a wife. She’s mesmerizing—she makes me not want to sleep with everyone sometimes, which is crazy. Maybe she slept with Academic Amy so that she could be more like me.”

“Or, maybe she did it to get your attention? Maybe she doesn’t see how much you care about her, because it’s very clear you do.”

Just then, the door opens and in walks Executive Producer Amy, who freezes in her tracks when she looks upon the scene in front of her.

“You–“ she points, eyes wide in horror–“you...”

“Ma’am, this is not what it looks like!” Scriptwriter Amy desperately insists as she puts on her clothes, but Executive Producer Amy has already turned to leave.

“Oh, come back already—I know jealousy when I see it; I can see deep-seated denial with a single glance.”

Sexual Amy hops off Scriptwriter Amy’s now-empty desk and purposefully stops Executive Producer Amy from taking another step.

“What... what are you talking about?”

Sexual Amy cups Executive Producer Amy’s cheek. “You don’t have to be jealous. You also don’t have to lie to me. All I was doing here was preparing that sweet writer of yours... giving her a few tips on how to fuck you by demonstrating very thoroughly on her.”

Scriptwriter Amy hides her face, blushing heavily.

“Is... is whatever she’s saying true?” Executive Producer Amy asks Scriptwriter Amy, sounding almost hopeful.

“She has a bit of a huge, huge crush on you. And I think you do too,” says Sexual Amy.

“You... would be right.”

Scriptwriter Amy looks up at this, her heart pounding like crazy. “What? You—you liked me too? All this time?”

“I fell in love from the moment I first laid eyes on you.”

Scriptwriter Amy giggles in disbelief, covering the lower half of her face with her hands. This might very well be the best day of her life.

“Aww, how sweet,” Sexual Amy interrupts, tapping Executive Producer Amy on her shoulder. “Go have sex now.”

They don’t need to be told twice, running to each other in an embrace and kissing in a way that releases years of built up sexual tension.

“Wow, yet another couple that’s together because I had sex with either one, two, or all of them. Beautiful,” Sex Dream Amy remarks.

Scriptwriter Amy pulls away from Executive Producer Amy to look at Sexual Amy worryingly.

“Please don’t tell me you’re leaving now?”

“I’m afraid I am, hot stuff. Have fun for me.”

“Where are you going?” Executive Producer Amy asks with curiosity and slight longing. After all, she too is not immune to the charms of Sexual Amy.

“I’m leaving to have sex with an annoying nerd and to shower my wife with love.”

“Who’s the nerd?”

“Aren’t all Amys nerds to certain extents?”

“Touché,” shrugs Sexual Amy. “But who cares about that. Once again, have fun for me,” she winks.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 1436 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**

“They’re late,” Director Jake huffs impatiently as he paces around on set. “I can’t believe this.”

“Sir, to be fair–“ points out Scriptwriter Jake, who’s cutely spinning his lanyard pen because it’s his one trait–“you were late too.”

“Yeah, but that’s only because I don’t care, you know, in a cool fashionably late way!” It is important to know that Director Jake has a horrific fashion sense. “They’re definitely a different kind of late, it’s been an hour. Wait, has it been an hour? I don’t really understand how time works. I mostly call out cut when we hear real Jake’s alarm for school ring. Or if like, someone’s mowing their lawn.”

“Yes sir, I hear you. You’re horrible at your job—but if we stall any longer, there won’t be any more time to put in a dream. We’ll have to do something unplanned now, or leave real Jake with a dreamless sleep. You know how freaked out he gets when he has dreamless sleeps.”

Director Jake sighs. “Fine. Bring in Juggler Jake.”

Juggler Jake cheers boisterously, rushing on set with his balls and pins, dropping half of them on his way in and having to bend down and pick his stuff up, only to drop them again.

Director Jake sighs, shaking his head.

“I’d be mad at him if he weren’t such a huge mood.”

“Same, sir.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 1502 HOURS, WAKE ME UP WHEN IT’S ALL OVER**

Jake wakes up with an abruptness that scares his heart rate, almost slamming his hand in Amy’s face, who’s got an arm draped across him as she snuggles against him, still deep in slumber.

She’s a sight for his still half-asleep eyes, especially since he’s pretty sure all he dreamed about was some weird version of him... juggling. Might’ve been influenced by how often Charles makes him watch him juggle. Jake shudders, making up his mind to watch Charles juggle less, no matter how good he is at it, because weird dreams are weird. Besides, the Jake in his dream wasn’t even good at juggling—he dropped something heavy on his foot at some point, yelping in pain, which was apparently enough to wake Jake in real life.

But it’s for the best, Jake realizes. Because as he watches Amy’s chest rise and fall, her lying next to him, asleep—it fills him with a joy sleep couldn’t compare to. Which is saying a lot, because sleep is awesome.

Any second wasted in dreamland means yet another moment he won’t get to spend with Amy. And he’s not willing to let anything take Amy away from him, not again, not ever again.

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” he calls out affectionately as he teases her skin, making a sort of half-hearted attempt to tickle her. “Time to wake up and see my handsome face again.”

He actually manages to see her roll her eyes behind those tightly shut lids before she properly stirs and it’s the funniest thing to him.

“Morning,” she greets drowsily, stretching her arms as she wakes up.

“We’re well into midday now. Whatever that means. Anyway, it’s three.”

Amy very quickly whips her head to look at the clock, gasping when she sees that Jake’s telling the truth.

“We slept for that long?”

“You bet we did. And you know what’s even worse for you? I woke up first,” he teases, taunting her with a tight smirk.

She narrows her eyes at him. “No, that’s not true. I woke up a few hours ago—I tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t stir. Not my fault.”

“Too bad you can’t prove that, even though it’s probably exactly what happened.”

Amy snorts, touching his arm absentmindedly with her fingers. “Guess I can’t. Congratulations, you’re an early bird now.”

“Do early birds get kisses?”

“Only if they’re named Jake Peralta.”

“Then I’m a _really_ lucky bird–“ he marvels, leaning in to kiss Amy.

He pushes himself up to kiss her at a better angle, almost sighing against her lips as he drowns in pure bliss, for her kiss is a true blessing. His hands gravitate towards her in touch again, those hands she loves so much, and they slide up her back.

She moves herself into his touch to be closer to him, but the gentle slide and caress of his hands become fingers, oddly pawing at her back, before quickly stopping and going down to her waist again.

She pulls away, coming to a conclusion that could potentially have her in stitches.

“Did you... did you just try to take my bra off, realize that I’m already naked, and then pretend that that never happened?”

Jake sighs, shutting his eyes in disbelief as Amy starts giggling, her teeth biting down on her lips, doing a poor job of holding her laughter back.

“It was on instinct!”

“Why would you try to strip someone who’s already naked?” she continues to laugh at his lack of awareness. “I think we must’ve napped for too long.”

He watches her laugh, hand loosely clutching her midriff as she rolls over in mild hysterics. Once again, he’s mesmerized by her existence.

“Yeah. I’ve been sleeping with you way too much—and not the kind that I want right now.”

He leans down and kisses her again, this time more focused and demanding—he wants her, all of her, and it’s killing him. Her hand slides down his body and he pulls away right before she reaches his legs.

“I want you so bad,” he pants, his desire evident.

“Then take me,” she responds with just as much want. “Take all of me.”

“You know I can’t do what I want right now without–“

“Right,” Amy sits up with a sigh. “We have to go get condoms. That’s going to be... exciting.”

Her sarcasm is not lost on Jake, but he doesn’t lose his optimism regarding getting to be with Amy in general.

“We can make getting condoms fun. I’ll flirt the crap out of you at... where are we going to get the condoms again?”

Amy raises her line of sight in thought. “We should go to the nearest place possible.”

“Right, because you can’t _wait_ to ravish me.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Mhm. Let’s... go to Target.”

“Ah, yes. The good ol’ family store that we’ll be ripping apart for our sex life, you deviant.”

“That’s interesting, coming from someone who once got a boner in Target.”

He gasps, shocked that she would bring that up, yet kind of happy that she brought that up because he loves being shamed by her. “That was _your_ fault!”

“Sure, Jake.”

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE 69, 1532 HOURS, STROLLING AROUND HOLDING HANDS INNOCENTLY**

“You know, it’s really nice being alone with you here, and finally being your girlfriend, instead of just friends. We’ve never been alone in Target before as a couple, despite all the happy memories we’ve made here. Target feels... sacred.”

Jake squeezes Amy’s hand once as she says this, looking down at her with the most gooey smile on his face. He stops walking and plants a quick peck on her cheek.

“I love hearing you say that.”

“Say what? That Target’s sacred? Because that’s an ironic thing to say if anythi–“

“No, not that. Hearing you call us a couple. Seeing you refer to yourself as my girlfriend. Say it again?”

She grins, holding Jake with both of her hands as she looks at him with a face of glee. “I’m your girlfriend. And I love you very much.”

“Wow,” Jake says, sounding very humbled. “We’re so wholesome, babe.”

She chuckles. “That we are. Now, _boyfriend_ , do we have to keep hanging out at random aisles, or can we look for the con– HI MOM!”

Jake’s heart nearly stops short when he turns around to see Amy’s mother approaching them with a shopping cart, waving and smiling. He lets go of her hands immediately, because even that might be a scandalous thing to do in front of his girlfriend’s mother.

“Amy! Jacob! What are the two of you doing here?”

They freeze.

“Uh... just browsing?”

“More importantly, what are you doing here, mom?”

Camila scoffs, rolling her eyes. “I interrupt one romantic walk with your new boyfriend, and there you go, questioning my every move. I’m here buying groceries because none of my useless children were around to help me. Also, today’s dinner is important because Diego’s bringing home his boyfriend today, to meet everyone. Of course, your father won’t be at dinner. Diego doesn’t want his beloved to be scared off just yet.” Camila looks sweetly at Jake. “Jake, would you like to come over for dinner too? Everyone’s already met you, but I suppose... you do have to meet your future brother-in-law too. If everything goes well, that is.”

Camila winks as Amy simultaneously goes red.

“Mom, we’ve been dating for a few hours!”

“Don’t worry, Mrs Santiago,” Jake assures, gently rubbing Amy’s shoulders. “I’d love to meet my future brother-in-law.”

Camila smiles an incredibly wide smile. “I knew I liked you for a reason.” She pushes her trolley just an inch forward before stopping again. “I’d like you even more if the two of you helped me with shopping.”

“Of course. Anything for a potential mother-in-law,” he says, more for Amy’s benefit than Camila’s, because he enjoys teasing Amy more than anything.

And also he’d marry her in a heartbeat. But that’s just a... thing.

 

* * *

 

**TARGET AISLE NOT-69, 1613 HOURS, LOOKING FOR STUFF ON THE ITEMIZED SHOPPING LIST**

“Okay, so–“ Amy holds up two very similar looking tomatoes in front of Jake–“this tomato is bigger, but this one’s brighter looking. Which do you think we should get?”

“Hmm... I want—the one that looks kind of like a butt.”

Amy sighs, but somehow knows exactly which tomato Jake’s referring to even without him pointing to it. She places said tomato into the bag of tomatoes they’ve already picked without another word.

This cracks Jake up.

“Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re debating the quality of tomatoes?”

“No, you’d be the first.”

“You look really cute, babe,” he tells her, unabashedly playing with her hair. “No matter what you do.”

“Maybe you should marry me then,” she says with a sly smile, intending to scare Jake, what with all the teasing he was doing earlier, and all that in-law talk that she knows he pulled on purpose to mess with her.

Her words do not have their intended effect. He just... stares at her in awe, and she doesn’t look away, staring right back at him.

“Maybe I should,” he shrugs, eyes never leaving Amy. “Anyone would be lucky to marry you.”

She looks away because his words are making her blush in a highly embarrassing way, and she worries that he’ll compare her cheeks to the tomatoes.

Thankfully, just as her mother thrust her into an awkward situation, she rescues her from this very deep and truthful one.

“Jake? Amy? Have you kids gotten everything on your end of the list?”

They confirm this, and Camila turns around and begins making her way to the cashier.

“Sucks that we got everything on your mom’s list but not the one thing on ours, huh?”

“It’s okay,” she whispers in assurance. “I have a ton of what we’re looking for at home.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S ROOM, 1636 HOURS, SHOWING JAKE HER STASH**

“Wow,” Jake nods. “That is a _lot_ of condoms. We’ve barely scratched the surface, huh?”

“Yes. I still don’t know how Kylie managed to convince me to buy so many. There are... at least a hundred in here?”

“And all in different colors too,” Jake observes with a smile. “I never got a good look before, but some of these condoms are fantastic—I mean, look at the sparkly ones!”

Amy rolls her eyes affectionately as she watches him sort through the condoms. Admittedly, she had looked through her unique collection of condoms with an odd fascination too (Kylie’s cousin runs a very interesting sex store), but Jake’s own interest in the condoms hold excitement that could stretch thousands of light years.

“You should look for the unicorn one,” she suggests, prompting Jake to start digging with a desperation she’s never before witnessed, only to emerge victorious, purple sparkly condom with tiny prints of silver unicorns in hand.

“Oh my god, please, _please_ let me fuck you with the unicorn one?” He begs, tone the complete opposite of sexy—it’s oddly endearing, actually.

“Ah yes, when you put it like that? How could I ever say no?”

Her voice drips with sarcasm, yes, but—and she can’t believe she’s saying this—she’d actually... _willingly_ , have sex with Jake while using a sparkly purple unicorn-patterned condom as protection. Not only because the unicorn condom would feel the same as a regular one, but also because she’d do anything to keep that larger-than-life smile of Jake’s sitting on his face. She loves him to death and she wants to spend her days making sure he knows it.

He tries to tone down his irrational excitement regarding unicorn and all other related condoms for Amy’s sake, however, thinking he’s pushed too far.

“We don’t have to use the unicorn condoms,” he assures, failing to mask his soul-crushing disappointment. To his credit, he’s trying his hardest not to seem super torn up. “I’m just glad I get to be here. You know, having dinner with your family like I’m already a part of it.”

Now that, he sounds very genuine about.

“I feel just as grateful to be here, too. With you. And I’m sure my mom’s over the moon.”

“Oh, you thought I meant I was glad to be here because of you?” He teases, very nearly causing Amy to sigh. “I’m here entirely because of your mother’s cooking.”

“Now I finally know the truth,” Amy exaggerates, playing along. “Guess you don’t need me to be at dinner, then, I can attend the prior engagement I cancelled for tonight.”

“Really?” Jake crosses his arms. “What were your plans?”

“Uh... I was supposed to have dinner with the... _president_ ,” she lies in a remarkably poor fashion, cracking Jake up, in the way that gets his eyes twinkling. He makes her feel like the most amusing, hilarious person who cracks the best jokes sometimes.

“Well, tell Obama I’m sorry.”

“Jake, Obama isn’t–“

“Bup bup bup—don’t say what I know you’re going to say. Obama _is_ the president.”

Amy snorts, nodding along. “Yes. He’s definitely still president. Just casually and illegally serving his third term.”

“And we love him for it.”

“Come to think of it now, I should probably ditch dinner to meet President Obama. I mean, he’s _Obama_.”

“I know, but you’d be ditching him for me.”

“ _Exactly_ ,” she emphasizes with a grin. “It’s not a fair trade up.”

He wraps his arms around her waist from behind. “I’ll make it worth your time, then,” he whispers, pressing a kiss between the back of her neck and her shoulder.

“How? My mom’s the one cooking dinner.”

“But... I’m giving you something really good for dessert,” he reminds with a wink.

She steps away from his hug to look at him with a knowing smirk. “And what would that be, exactly?”

“Unicorn dick.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S ROOM, 1706 HOURS, MAKING OUT BECAUSE THAT’S AN OKAY THING TO DO AND IT’S THE QUIETEST THING THEY CAN DO**

They kiss leisurely on Amy’s bed, relaxed, comfortable. Lying side by side, occasionally interlocking their fingers but then breaking apart the hand-holding to feel each other up—in respectful manners, obviously, they don’t want things to get too heavy too fast because it’s not the right place and there are too many people in the house and if _god forbid_ , anyone were to hear them... especially Amy’s mom, it would be very embarrassing and they’d probably have to elope and change their identities.

“Mm, this feels so good,” Jake mumbles against Amy’s cheek, because he’s taking a small detour from her lips to kiss any part of her face his lips can reach. He wishes all afternoons could be like this. “I’d quit school to kiss you all day.”

She grins. “I’d quit school to kiss you all day too... _if_ it meant being paid a good salary, with excellent employee benefits that include dental insurance.”

He laughs, not at all expecting Amy to be receptive to leaving school at all. “Gotta pay the bills somehow.”

“Yes, we do,” Amy confirms, dreamily tracing her fingers on his chest, playing with a button in a way that suggests she might undo it, but is holding off because it’s not the appropriate time.

“Know what else I’d quit school for?”

“I’m guessing most things, seeing how much you hate studying,” Amy teases, even though it’s a truth that Jake has never really denied.

“Touché. But also, I’d ditch school to cuddle you all day,” he says as he plays with her hair. “Amongst other things,” he winks.

“Would you also _go_ to school because I’d be there?”

“I’m already doing that, babe.”

She giggles, cuddling up to him with a satisfied hum, shutting her eyes in a peaceful, trance-like state. Sleep seems inviting again, even though she’s already slept more than enough today. She takes a deep breath, but inhaling Jake’s scent does nothing to keep her awake. It does the complete opposite, actually, making her mind dizzy with love.

Right at that moment, two pairs of insistent fists start banging on her door. She groans, getting up to answer it with heaps of disdain.

Louie and Luis stand on the other side.

“Is he really here? Is he back as your boyfriend?”

“Was mom telling the truth?”

These questions barrel out from the pair’s mouths so quickly that Amy doesn’t have time to answer them before they see Jake sitting up awkwardly on Amy’s bed, pushing past their sister to get to him.

They crush Jake with a hug, leaving Amy worried for her boyfriend’s state. She hopes that he remains in one piece.

“These past few months have been a nightmare,” says Louie.

“Don’t ever do this again,” continues Luis.

“Uh... I won’t?” Jake replies in confusion as he hugs the twins, unsure of what he’s promising here.

“Oh, we weren’t talking about you,” Louie assures as he pulls away from his hug with Jake. Neither Jake nor Amy knew that the twins had been so attached to him. “We’re talking about Amy.”

“Don’t you hurt him again!” Luis points at Amy in accusation. “He’s a good boy! He doesn’t deserve to suffer!”

“Exactly. No breaking up with Jake, or I’m disowning you again,” Louie warns.

“Is that supposed to be a threat?”

Jake shrugs, smiling widely, making Amy smile too. “Guess you can’t break up with me then. Or your brother will un-family you.”

“Exactly.”

Amy crosses her arms. “I’m not breaking up with Jake–“

Jake does a very enthusiastic fist-pump.

“–but I don’t see why the two of you are so concerned.”

“Because the two of you make us believe in true love.”

Jake looks like he’s about to cry, but in a really cool way (his words, not anyone else’s).

“I mean, don’t get us wrong. Neither of us want that crap, y’know, being a pair of huge aro aces and all that.”

“Yeah, romance just isn’t our thing. But y’all are cute, and your love makes us believe that romance exists. We just want nothing to do with it.” He starts walking to the door. “Anyway, we should get going. Have fun making out and stuff.”

“We will,” says Jake, wiping away a dramatic tear. “Your sexual and romantic orientations are valid.”

“We know.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1843 HOURS, DINNER TIME**

They all sit at the dining table now, plates and utensils all set and arranged nicely, food all beautifully plated, and stomachs all rumbling with hunger.

Only two seats remain empty, and they belong to Diego and Jehovah.

“Ladies and gentleman!” Diego’s dramatic voice rings from the stairwell.

“Oh my god,” groans Amy, already prepared to hate every second that’s to come.

“For months, years, maybe even your entire lives—you have all been waiting for the perfect man,” he says in an introductory manner, sounding like he’s about to introduce everyone to their soulmates, or the new ruler of earth.

“Not really,” says Louie. “I am my own perfect man.”

“I thought I was your perfect man?” Luis says questioningly.

“No, you’re perfect boy.”

“Right, yes, that makes perfect sense,” Luis concurs.

“Anyway–“ Diego interrupts, not at all amused at this upstaging–“the perfect man is here. Dark, tall, handsome, seductive. Every person’s dream. People fall to their knees when he walks past, in respect, and awe, knowing that they’ll never be as perfect. Who is this man, you–“

“Oh god, can we just have dinner already?”

Diego quickly scowls at his sister, before smiling widely again in the way that he had smiled when he was going on about himself. “This perfect man... is _me_ , Diego Santiago, your favorite gay,” he bows. “And I have arrived at dinner.”

“Huh?” Camila tilts her head in confusion. She knew her son was being a dramatic homosexual for a reason, but she thought it was to introduce his boyfriend.

“ _And also my boyfriend Jehovah is here,”_ he says unceremoniously, and this is supposedly the cue that Jehovah takes to walk out behind him from the staircase.

“Hi!” Jehovah waves, seeming really bubbly and cheerful despite looking like the walking definition of the word ‘emo’.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Jake, who’s sat directly across Jehovah, greets. “I’m Jake.”

Jehovah’s eyes widen in recognition. “Oh, _you’re Jake_.”

Jake raises his eyebrow in confusion, and slight fear. “Well, when you put it like that...”

Jehovah turns to look at Diego. “Honestly, as sweet as it was when you defended my looks, I think he’s way better looking than me.”

“What?!” Diego says in shock, bumbling incoherently in rejection of this. “Come on, you’ve gotta be kidding.”

“Your sister was right! Honestly, I think I should change my aesthetic. The whole 2005 Pete Wentz thing is a hassle to keep up.”

Amy makes a sound that marries a sigh and a groan, covering her face with her hands in embarrassment. “I can’t believe you told him.”

“Told what?” Jake asks in intrigue and confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Amy and I once got into a fight about whether you or Jehovah was better looking,” Diego explains with a smirk, willingly putting Amy in an embarrassing situation because he’s already told his boyfriend the truth. “Amy eventually punched me because I refused to admit that you were more attractive than Jehovah.”

“I didn’t _punch_ you–“ she insists.

Diego raises his eyebrow tauntingly.

“–I _shoved_ you lightly in the shoulder, there’s a _difference_.”

“Yep, sure.”

Throughout all this, Jake’s got an insufferable grin on his face, directed at Amy.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she warns Jake, but her tone is one that falters more with each word, and her face is one that betrays her, getting more flushed with each second.

“Sorry, can’t help it,” Jake smiles, his impossibly wide grin getting even more impossibly wide. “Can’t believe you think I’m handsome. Wow, you must think the world of me, huh?”

He props up his chin, leaning an elbow on the table, looking radiantly at Amy.

“No, no I don’t, you–“ she bites her lip–“ _you_ think you’re handsome.”

“So you don’t think the world of me, nor do you find me handsome?” Jake feigns disappointment. “Ouch.”

“I mean, I, I–“

“I thought you loved me!”

“And I do!”

“Yeah, but apparently you can’t admit that you used to have a super huge crush on my amazing good looks.”

“Not when you’re being _this_ insufferable about it!”

Diego sighs. “This is ridiculous. You’re holding hands under the table as you fight.”

Jehovah scowls at Diego. “Why can’t we be more like them?”

“What do you mean, dude? We’re also holding hands under the table.”

“What’s with couples and holding hands under the table?” asks a very confused Louie.

“Don’t we hold hands under the table sometimes?"

“Yes, but that’s only to remind each other not to die when we accidentally choke on food,” explains Louie, like it’s a normal thing twins do, let alone human beings.

“Oh, _that’s_ why we do that? Damn,” Luis nods in understanding, shoving a spoonful of food in his mouth, because this is still dinner, and eating is still supposed to be the main activity.

“If you didn’t know that, why were you holding my hand at all?”

“Because I support you in everything you do.”

A single, overdramatic and very out of place tear falls from Louie’s eye. “You’re the best twin in the world, you know that?”

“I know,” they hug, for some reason. “And so are you.”

“Mommy, what’s going on?” Leo asks innocently.

Camila sighs. “I have no idea.”

It seems her youngest child is not her strangest child for today.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1956 HOURS, LEAVING BECAUSE DINNER IS OVER (SAD FACE)**

“I have to admit, you do look pretty good without eyeliner,” Diego confesses as he inspects Jehovah’s now makeup free face. “I’m not saying it’s better, but, I’m not saying it’s worse either? It’s good, you’re always–“

“Babe,” Jehovah says, holding onto Diego’s shoulders to calm him down. “It’s okay. Whether you like me like this, or secretly have a kink for the whole emo look, it’s okay. I know you love me either way.”

“I do,” says Jehovah earnestly. “I love you so much.”

“Wow, Pure™,” Jake comments, saying the word in a way that somehow makes it sound capitalized and trademarked. It also alerts Jehovah and Diego to his and Amy’s arrival, mildly embarrassing Diego for being so raw and vulnerable in the presence of his sister.

“I love you just as much, if not even more,” says Jehovah without batting an eyelash, before winking at Diego and walking out the door.

“Um, uh, I guess this is where I leave too,” says Diego, leaving in a hurry due to awkwardness and also for other unexplained reasons, conveniently leaving Jake and Amy on their own.

“I’m going to miss you,” he says, fingers already tracing the side of her face. “I can’t believe I have to go home. Wait, my bad—it’s not home. Not if you aren’t there.”

A wide, secretly mischievous grin spreads across Amy’s face. This mildly baffles Jake because it makes him wonder if she’s happy about him leaving, but he brushes the thought away.

“Well I have news for you—you don’t have to miss me.”

Jake looks intrigued. “Why not?”

She looks behind her, then left and right and then left again like she’s about to cross a road, before leaning into Jake’s ear. _“Because I’m going to sneak out.”_

Jake gasps quietly, which feels weird to do, but discretion is key. “Really babe? Where are you sneaking out to?” he wonders out loud, playing the fool to get under Amy’s skin.

She rolls her eyes, managing to make it seem loving somehow, because she knows that Jake can tell what she means, and she knows that he wants her to spell out what she’s doing for him anyway so he can wave the implications of her actions in her face

“I’m sneaking out to stay over at your house, because if I had to let you go for the night, I wouldn’t be able to sleep because of how much I’d miss you–“ the corners of her lips stretch further apart–“happy now?”

He’s so happy, he kisses her.

“Wow, that was way more than I thought I’d get.”

She giggles, softly, blithe, her arms loose around his waist.

“You’re lucky I love you enough to give you way more than you think you’ll get then,” she says teasingly.

“I’ll never stop feeling lucky for that.”

“Neither will I,” she says gratefully. “I feel lucky because you love me.”

“I’m luckier though,” he argues with a wide, bordering on soppy, grin. “I get to be loved by you. That’d make anyone a winner.”

They kiss once more, before Jake finally leaves Amy’s house.

“See you later,” he mouths before he shuts the door with a wink, words only for his lip-reading girlfriend to see.

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S ROOM, 2013 HOURS, GETTING READY**

The first thing Amy does when she returns to her room is to take a nice hot shower. It’s one that’s overdue, honestly—she’s been with Jake every second of the day since she went to his house this morning—a shower is very much in place. Besides, she deserves to look and smell good, not just for Jake, but also for herself.

After she gets herself clean and dry (including her hair, which she thoroughly uses her hairdryer on), Amy picks out her outfit. She giggles as she selects her favorite set of pajamas—it’s white, patterned with random letters in the Helvetica font. Jake’s going to love it.

She puts a trench coat on over her pajamas, then rummages her drawer for condoms. The first one she picks is the sparkly purple unicorn-themed condom Jake had his eye on earlier. She smiles to herself excitedly, because he clearly won’t see this coming. After which, she grabs a backpack and neatly inserts a set of clothes for tomorrow morning in. She hesitates for a moment—before grabbing another set of sleepwear and another set of casual wear, putting it in her bag as well.

What? She just wants to leave a set (or two, if you count the sleepwear) of clothes at Jake’s house. It’s for convenience, okay, and nothing else. The thought of having a set of her clothes at Jake’s place doesn’t excite her at all.

Brimming with excitement, Amy then slings the bag on her shoulders and starts climbing out her window and onto her fire escape.

It’s this very moment that she realizes she’s not the only one trying to sneak out of home. One floor below her, she sees her brother doing the exact same thing.

“Diego?”

“Amy?”

“Louie?”

“Luis?”

Diego and Amy look at each other in confusion, before looking up, and realize that Louie and Luis are on the roof, smiling and laughing at them.

“What the hell is going on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case ur wondering, i did use a children's folk song as one of the scene titles where jake and amy got narsty so if i didn't ruin "she'll be coming round the mountain when she comes" what's the point of me doing all this tbh 
> 
> jake and amy: celebrates officially becoming a couple by taking a long ass nap together, which, well, Mood™, but also its literally a giant fucking excuse for me to bring in the Jake's Dream Headquarters™ scenes, one weird ass Amy dream which i trIED to make cool and mysterious but obv it was low key high key a set up for a mitochondria joke rip it wasn't even goOD gdi and also i resolved the CE!Jake x SD!Jake x SD!Amy love triangle by making them all fucc (i know y'all trash for CE!Jake x SD!Amy but guess what who wouldn't want 2 jakes also love triangles suck and technically this is a Message™ that polyamory is a-okay but its a really bad message bc essentially none of them r real and its basically 2 jakes and 1 amy but come on jake and amy r too obsessed with each other to have someone else there in the mix and that's the tea™ idk what im saying rip), i also BROUGHT BACK SEXUAL AMY for no good reason but i love her and Romantic Amy is Sexual Amy's waifu (whatever tf that means) and Academic Amy, while problematic as hell is still hot and as a dear show once said,,,,, u can hate someone and still think they're hot (and in this case, want to bang them). literally i can't believe that im basically writing "would you fuck your clone?" "ye" and gosh i checked the subconscious stuff alone is 6.3k words im wasting yo lives with that Bull Shit!!!!!! and also this long ass paragraph that's basically a recap bc im tryna manipulate y'all into talking about the dream headquarters scenes and the dreams bc im a hoe for feedback on stuff that doesn't matter!!!!!
> 
> anyway yeah that was a long and confusing paragraph 
> 
> also am i the only one who gets kinda freaked out when i don't dream?? bc wow scary???? no weird shit happening in my head?
> 
> my dog refuses to sleep bc im here, editing and posting this fic its breaking my heart why is she so Good and pure i don't deserve her????? like this is a really random thing tomention but im love her sm???
> 
> on a more, how u say, relevant note, yes, i do know that there is prob no such thing as an aisle 69 but there should be damn it!!!!! 
> 
> jake: i should not hold my gf's hand in front of her mom, bc ina ppro pr ia t e  
> also jake: lets insinuate that i will marry her
> 
> unicorn dick 
> 
> that being said, no, jake does not have a unicorn fetish okay, and neither do i (just saying this inc ase)
> 
> that ALSO being said, i wish that purple sparkly unicorn condoms become a thing
> 
> i've said this once (i think) and i'll say it again (or, for the first time, in case i didn't say it before): I FUCKIN LOVE LOUIE AND LUIS they r prob the least realistic portrayal of twins but i love them gdi
> 
> anyway JEHOVAH IS HERE U GOT TO MEET HIM HOPE IT WASNT UNDERWHELMING TBH IT WAS A BIT UNDERWHELMING PROB
> 
> i really hope y'all love or at least like this pls 
> 
> and im so so close to 1k kudos so i guess i'll just say thank you all so so sos so so much for this???? like i'm literally so grateful and humbled by this (and also terrified that i'll never write anything nearly half as successful again)
> 
> pls shower me with love


	27. baby return to me

**SANTIAGO FIRE ESCAPE, 2034 HOURS, HELLO IT’S ME THE FIRE ESCAPE OF THE SANTIAGO HOUSEHOLD. I SUPPOSE YOU’RE ALL WONDERING ABOUT MY BACKSTORY. WELL I’LL START BY SAYING THAT WHEN I WAS GROWING UP I HAD NO IDEA I’D BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY CHILDREN SNEAKING OUT OF THEIR HOUSE ONE DAY. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS EASY TO CLIMB IN AND OUT OF A FIRE ESCAPE RIGHT? BUT IT’S STILL HAPPENING!! TO ME!! HAHA!! MAYBE ONE DAY I CAN ESCAPE FROM THIS HELL; OH MOTHER YOU WERE RIGHT—I SHOULD’VE JUST SETTLED AND BECAME A LADDER**  

“Is it just me or is our fire escape crying a little?” Louie wonders out loud.

“I think it’s shaking a little too. In anger,” Luis continues on a similar train of thought.

Amy is not amused. “What crack are the two of you smoking up there?”

“Excuse me?!” Luis gasps, deeply offended. “How could you say such a thing? I have a pencil that says ‘SAY NO TO DRUGS’!”

Amy rolls her eyes. “What are you two idiots doing out here?”

“Yeah,” Diego nervously chimes in, trying to sound as authoritative as his sister. “You two shouldn’t be here.”

“Oh, so _we’re_ not allowed to be here, but it’s totally okay for you to sneak out every night to go to your boyfriend’s house?” Louie retorts, raising an eyebrow as he sips tea.

Wait, where’d he get tea?

Never mind, that should not be the focus here.

“Uh... I...”

Diego looks very flustered, a bumbling fool with nothing to say for himself.

“Wow,” Amy marvels judgmentally, her arms akimbo, seconds away from making a highly hypocritical statement. “Every night, Diego? Talk about clingy.”

Diego slants his eyes at Amy. “Yeah yeah, like you weren’t sneaking out to see Jake!”

“Sneaking out? She looks like she’s running away to Jake Peralta’s house and never coming back,” Louie points out, gesturing to the backpack Amy has on her shoulders.

“Tell me about it,” Diego says haughtily, crossing his arms with a smirk. “And is that a trench coat I see? What are you going to do, _flash_ your boyfriend like a common hobo?”

Amy gasps, highly offended, hugging her figure with her arms in a defensive stance. “You shut up! I was _not_ going to flash my boyfriend!”

“It’s okay, Amy, we won’t judge you,” says Luis assuringly.

“Wait, really? I thought we _were_ going to judge her,” Louie interrupts.

“Well, it doesn’t matter whether you will or you won’t—the fact of the matter is that I won’t be doing anything worth judging, since I’m not _flashing_ my boyfriend,” Amy emphasizes with a pointed glare at them all.

Diego snorts. “I don’t think it’s the flashing thing they’ll be judging, it’s more of what you’ve got in that bag of yours.”

“Diego, don’t ask. It’s probably whips, chains, and–"

“WOAH WOAH WOAH!” Amy interrupts, horrified beyond repair. “That is not what I have in here! How kinky a sex life do you think I lead? Wait, don’t answer that–“

“Eh, we don’t care either way.”

“I mean, it’s your life, and we find the stereotype where brothers are either grossed out or overly protective over their sister’s sex lives to be hella problematic. I mean, you see men being supportive of their brothers being sexually active, but never with their sisters—to the point where it’s weirdly controlling. We don’t want that life.”

“Woah,” Diego exhales, a shiver nearly running through him.

“That was... amazing. And true,” Amy nods. “So... the two of you support me sneaking out to see Jake?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, have fun whipping your boyfriend.”

Amy groans, giving up and unzipping her backpack, holding it wide open for her brothers to see that she only has clothes in there. She can’t believe how her brothers can be considerate and woke in one second, only to be completely insufferable idiots in the next.

Diego grimaces, which is not Amy’s intended reaction. “Why are you bringing so many clothes? Does he... _do_ something to your clothes when you–“ he gags, and whatever thoughts he’s having horrifies Amy–“oh my god does he–“

Amy’s eyes fly wide open in terror. “No, no no, whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that _at all_ , oh god, it’s really not—look, I just wanted to bring some extra clothes to his house so I’d have stuff to wear or change into if I ever went there on a whim, okay? It’s a perfectly _innocent_ thing to do.”

“Wait, so you’re moving in with him?”

“What? No! I’m a high school student, I’m not going anywhere,” she hesitates for a moment as she processes this statement. “I mean, I am temporarily going to Jake’s house, but I’m coming back, obviously.” She takes a quick look at her watch. “Speaking of which, it’s getting late. I should really go or Jake will start to worry.”

Diego starts climbing after Amy. “Yeah, Jehovah’s going to be worried about me too.”

“Not so fast, siblings,” Louie interjects schemingly. “You haven’t bribed us not to tell Mom yet.”

Amy scoffs in disbelief. “I thought Jake and I made the two of you believe in love!”

“True, but we believe in money more. Yup, that’s it, that’s what we want. Money.”

Diego groans. “What’s the point of asking for a bribe now? The two of you have seen me sneak out for multiple nights—if you wanted to rat me out, you would’ve done it a long time ago.”

“He does have a point,” Luis acknowledges as he looks at Louie, who shakes his head.

“That was before, brother. When we knew. But now you know that we knew, and now we know that you know that we knew. So... pay up, y’know?”

Diego sighs, just wanting to get this over and done with already. “Fine. Five dollars. We good?”

“ _Ooh_ , five dollars!”

Louie puts a hand up in front of his twin brother. This is the one issue that they’re not united and on the same level on instantly. “Not good enough.”

“ _Six_ dollars?”

“ _Okay that’s perfect,_ ” Louie says, immediately accepting. “How about you, Amy?”

She ponders over this for a moment. “Four dollars.”

“That’s plenty. How about you give us three instead?”

She grins, whilst Diego protests at this. “Why does she get to pay three dollars, while I have to pay six?!”

“Because she and her boyfriend make us believe in _love_ , Diego! Keep up!”

“Also, we felt like pissing you off.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S ROOM, 2049 HOURS, JAKE’S WINDOW BC SHE’S SNEAKING IN THROUGH THE WINDOW**  

She spots him a good distance away from his house, sees his head poking out the window as he rests his arms on the window sill, eyes searching left and right holding some sort of desperation. She giggles, feeling over the moon at getting to see him, and as he hears the gorgeous flow of her laughter his face brightens up, and he looks happier than any one person could possibly be.

“Babe, I was so worried–“ he coddles, stretching his arm out to help Amy step up onto the platform he’s pushed outside his window _(he only puts it there when he’s sneaking out of the house and needs to quickly sneak back in)–_ “I sent you like, a _million_ texts.”

“Sorry, I was too busy focusing on getting here.” She stands on the platform, stable, standing face to face with Jake, who looks at her like she invented pizza bagels. “Did you know that I now have to pay my brothers _three dollars_ because they saw me sneak out?”

He gasps, playing along with her dramatics. “How dare they stand in the way of us having secret, shameful, mindless sex!”

She breaks out laughing, holding onto Jake for support as she giggles her heart out. She then looks at him, hand rubbing against his cheek, chin—she loves him beyond what words can say. “It’s okay. I don’t care. I’d pay _four_ dollars to be with you.”

“That is called prostitution,” he quips, teases, making Amy smile the way no one else can once again. “But seriously, I’d totally pay four dollars to be with you too, and that’s saying a lot, because that’s all the money I own.”

“Wow,” Amy beams. “I guess you really do care about me.”

“Of course,” he trails, thumb stroking the edge of her lip. “I’d give up an entire fortune for you.”

“I’d give up more,” she declares, right before sinking into his lips, making out with him under the pale moonlight like that vine with the chicken in a red dress, the two of them melding into one despite not being in the same building yet.

They soon stop, still in a crazy dizzy haze of affection, but hey, making out while standing on a platform outside Jake’s window is not the most comfortable way to kiss—and while neither of them would care if this were their only option, it is not their only option, and thus Jake wordlessly helps Amy into his room, shutting the window.

She dumps her backpack on his floor, and notices a rose on Jake’s bed.

“Why is there a rose on your bed?”

“Oh, that,” he says, awkwardly chuckling as he collapses down on his bed next to her. “You see, I thought it would be funny to be waiting for you in here with a sexy pose and a rose between my teeth, but that got really tiring after ten minutes and I had no idea where you were. I mean, I knew you were taking a shower, but after I took my own shower and waited for what felt like a million years you still weren’t here—so I called off my sexy surprise posing to worry the crap out of myself about you.”

“Aw,” Amy frowns, rubbing Jake’s arm comfortingly. “Now I feel really bad for not checking my phone. I’m so sorry for worrying you like that, babe.”

“It’s okay, I get paranoid. I know you can handle yourself.”

“No, I’d be worried about me too. But... to make things better, I have a surprise for you.”

This succeeds in piquing his curiosity.

“Ooh, sounds fun. Should I take a guess?”

“Go ahead,” she says, sitting up proudly.

“Uh... are you going to flash me?”

She half rolls her eyes when he says this, sounding oddly resigned and defeated and just overall... done. She supposes there’s either a reason why Jake gets along well with her brothers, or maybe there is some logic to what her brothers (and now Jake too) were telling her.

Despite this realization, her reaction alerts Jake to the fact that he’s wrong and that his guess was far, very far off from what her actual surprise was.

“I’m sorry, it’s just the trench–“

“I know, I know,” she sighs. “You’re not the only one to jump to that conclusion.”

She removes her trench coat, which may or may not have been a bad wardrobe choice in retrospect. She presents her Helvetica-pajama clad self to Jake, with a little ‘ta-dah’ thrown into the mix. He cracks up, full of love.

“I love those pajamas, like—like you wouldn’t believe, Ames. They’re just so you. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. And you look super cute right now.”

She blushes. “Not the reaction I was expecting since I put this on partly as a prank, but thank you for thinking I look cute.”

“You always look cute. If this was the surprise, it was a dope surprise.” He gives her a peck on the cheek, then kisses his way up her jawline. “I can’t wait to take off your nerdy pajamas,” he whispers into her ear, making her want to bury her head in the ground because he makes her giddy, and also because she’s picturing him, and those hands, doing exactly that. It’s something that warms her insides in the most wonderful way.

“Actually no, no that—that was not the surprise,” she says, clearing her throat and not addressing Jake’s spoken desires, reaching for the pocket of her trench coat, and tossing the unicorn condom (the reason why she hasn’t jumped him yet) at Jake, who gasps in the most touched, dramatic way possible.

“Oh my god? I—I literally love you right now. Like, so much. I love you like crazy, you know?” He plants a very firm kiss on her lips. “You are the best girlfriend in the world.”

“A lot of emotion coming from one whimsical article of protection,” she remarks with a smile, because her boyfriend is the most immature person in the world and she loves him a disgusting amount for it.

“Because you brought it for me,” he leans in, kissing her, kissing her neck. “I love you so much,” he slides his hand up her side, going under her shirt. “I need you, I need you right now Amy, I’ve been waiting all day.” He pulls her in closer towards him, her legs on either side of his waist. “Too long. I don’t think I can wait anymore.”

She shuts her eyes, but her words remain cynical. “More like you need me so you can use this weird condom.”

He opens the top button of her pajama shirt between his finger and thumb almost effortlessly, kissing his way into the skin it reveals, and she has to admit it drives her insane to have him take her favorite set of pajamas off of her. She loves it, and she wants him to love her as hard as he possibly can, because she knows that he’s going to feel so good. She needs him too, more desperately and badly than she lets on.

“Does it matter either way?” He asks, hand stroking up her inner thigh, then slipping down her pajama pants. He starts to touch her, tease her, and it makes her lip tremble, for his fingers are made of everything she craves. He’s right—it doesn’t matter whether he’s choosing to have sex right now because of the unicorn condom or not, Amy can tell from the desire with which he handles her that he wants her more than anything.

The feeling could not be more mutual.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 2123 HOURS, REST IN PEACE MR UNICORN CONDOM (NOT IN PIECES BECAUSE IF YOU WERE IN PIECES THAT WOULD MEAN THE CONDOM BROKE AND WE’D HAVE A PROBLEM)**

He looks almost wistfully at the unicorn condom as he removes and disposes of it. Amy watches on with a satisfied smile—Jake did a fantastic job in the sack, despite occasionally looking down at his crotch and smiling at the condom as they had sex.

She likes how happy the stupid condom makes him, she loves the appreciation he has for the most juvenile things. She makes a mental note to drop by Kylie’s cousin’s store to inquire about their purple sparkly unicorn condom stock. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be purple. She’s pretty certain it’s the sparkly unicorn-pattern of the condom that has Jake mesmerized.

He lands back in bed with her after tying up the used condom and tossing it in the trash.

“Go on a date with me,” he asks abruptly, with the most blissed out look on his face.

She’s taken aback by the suddenness and randomness of this request, but a wide smile spreads across her face anyway. “Of course,” she says instantly, almost instinctively. It’s crazy how quickly she agrees; it’s no longer something she cares about considering any longer because every second with Jake is precious, valuable, and time spent that she’d never regret. “Where do you want to go?”

He thinks about this for only a brief moment.

“Splitz.”

Amy’s heart nearly falls out her chest as she sits up in befuddlement at this. “Splitz? As in–“

“As in the ice cream place where you dumped me, yes,” Jake confirms, proving that he remembers what happened.

“Why would you want to go back there? I hurt you there, I stupidly broke your heart there.”

“It’s okay, you fixed my heart after that. And that’s exactly why I want to go there. I don’t want any place in the world to be a painful reminder of whatever, y’know? I want happy memories there now. I want to make out with you in there, laugh with you in there, and also have a dope sundae with you in there. Because let’s be real, they gots hella good ice cream. Why give up a sure thing?”

Amy beams. “You’re right. We’ll make the place happy again.”

Jake places his arm comfortably around Amy’s. “Exactly. Plus, we don’t have to go to only one place for our date. We can go to that breakfast cafe, we can go visit Uncle Sal for some pizza–“

“Sounds like a full and wonderful day. When are we doing this?”

“Is tomorrow good? Because I have nothing on, and I want to spend all my time with you.”

“Tomorrow sounds great, Jake.”

He grins, which quickly falters into a frown as he seems to realize something. “The only problem is that you’ll probably have to go home to get changed first.”

Amy sits up very enthusiastically at this, reaching for her bag and pulling it up in bed. “I’m about to show you why that won’t be a problem–“ she unzips her bag and pulls it wide open–“see?”

“Oh my god, you packed clothes!” He kisses her on the cheek, conveying how proud he is of her somehow. “You’re always so prepared, god, I love you so much.”

“I wasn’t just being prepared, I deliberately packed more than one set of clothes–“ she reaches in and pulls all the neatly folded clothes out–“because... well, I just—I mean, if you were okay with it–“

“Amy, are you asking me if it’s okay for you to keep some clothes here?”

Her cheeks redden, and she looks away from him, feeling exposed and vulnerable. “Maybe? I mean, sometimes I might come here on like, a whim, and I don’t know, it just seemed practical?”

“Yes, very practical. I love it. In fact–“ he gets up, walks to his closet and opens it, grabbing at his messy piles of clothes before walking back to bed–“here. You take these back home, so that I have clothes at your house too.”

Neither of them comment about how this is something that might be inappropriate for a couple who’s only officially been dating for a day to do. But they’re in love, and they have been in love for quite a while now, so let them do these crazy, clingy things.

Amy immediately starts to straighten up and fold Jake’s clothes, glowing with a happiness that can’t be quelled, can’t be wiped out, not even by the strongest force in the world.

“Okay, now that we’ve just exchanged clothes—do you have more condoms? Or did you only pack the legendary unicorn one? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if that’s the only one you brought. It’s perfect. Like, nothing else could beat that, right?”

Amy smirks. “I thought you’d never ask.” She reaches for the deep pockets of her trench coat (that’s now bunched up at the corner of the bed), tossing something at Jake. He inspects it, gasping as he admires the thing.

“It’s a dinosaur condom!”

He cheers, gripping the green sparkly triceratop-patterned condom in his hand, before Amy takes it from him, ripping open the packet and assisting him with rolling it on.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 2346 HOURS, GOING TO BED AFTER LOTS OF MESSING AROUND (THUS LIKE PERFECTLY SETTING THINGS UP FOR... STUFF)**

He strokes her bare back, watching her breathe as she lies on her stomach, both tired and satisfied.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he confesses, playing with her hair now, lying down beside her. “Like—I’d choose to live forever, but only if I could spend... basically every second with you. If not, what would be the point?”

She inches back close and randomly kisses him somewhere on his chest.

“I’d do that too,” she proclaims, looking like she’s trying to hold back a yawn.

“Wow babe, you’re so romantic,” he says with very mild sarcasm, chuckling lowly as he does, because he’s so in love with every aspect of her. She knows his words hold no ill-will, show no sign of malice, because how could they, given the ever so unconditionally loving smile on his face?

“Sorry,” she casually apologizes, because there’s no real need to. “You’ve tired me out too much for me to sweet talk you.”

“Oh, it’s more than okay. You know I love tiring you out,” he winks, and Amy giggles, in spite of her fatigue, flipping around on her back and cozying up to him for bed.

Jake relaxes into her touch, feeling his own exhaustion creep up to him.

“Do I get you to myself all night?” he asks just in case, because Amy’s broken rules for him (being right here right now for one), but he can’t always expect her to go as far as he would with being disobedient.

“Tomorrow morning, I’m going to send my mom a text telling her I got up early to go on a date with you—which is completely true.”

“Maybe not completely. I mean, you’ll be sleeping with me. I sleep through the day. Besides, I don’t think this bed allows anyone to get up early.”

Amy laughs tiredly, her mouth barely opening. “Sure, Jake. But my point is that you’ll be getting me all night and all day.”

“Perfect,” he hums, planting a goodnight kiss in her hair. “Time for bed now.”

“Sweet dreams.”

“Then I’d better dream of you.”

 

* * *

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0002 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTER**  

“Babe, are you done?” Sex Dream Amy asks Current Events Jake in between kisses with Sex Dream Jake. “We really miss you.”

“One second!” Current Events Jake responds, eyes still focused on his screen as he laboriously logs Jake’s mind into Night Mode, amongst other things to ensure Jake ends up sleeping through most of the night. It’s much easier to do today than it has been for many nights, but he puts in the extra effort anyway to make sure that Jake’s first night back with Amy involves a perfect night’s sleep.

“Why don’t you ever tell me you miss me?” Sex Dream Jake asks as he sensually kisses her neck. It’s almost a whine— _he’s so jealous_ —but it’s also weirdly adorable and she loves him for it.

“Jake, your full time job is having sex with me,” she reminds, eyes shut as she holds him in place, loving the sensations.

“Right,” he grins, happy to be reminded of that. “I have the best job in the world, and I love doin’ it.”

He follows up his amazing double entendre by slipping his fingers between Sex Dream Amy’s thighs, making her yelp from the pleasure, clinging onto the desk she’s sat on.

“Miss me?” Current Events Jake quips sweetly as he finally walks up to them, kissing the nape of her neck. She’s breathing too heavily to respond, but grabs his hand and places it on her breasts. Sex Dream Jake stops fingering her and gets on his knees to slowly drag his tongue up and down the apex of her thighs, before his lips latch onto her sex, sucking hard, relentless, holding her hips to keep her from squirming.

It is at that very moment that phones start ringing. Namely, Sex Dream Jake and Sex Dream Amy’s. They all groan collectively, and Current Events Jake waits impatiently as they answer and get notified about having to turn up for yet another sex dream. Or, to be more accurate, the one they missed.

“How long do the two of you have?” Current Events Jake asks unhappily, dragging his fingers along the surface of his desk. “I’m going to be all alone.”

“Babe, I really wish you could join us too, but you know we’d all get in trouble for that.”

“Yeah,” continues Sex Dream Jake. “We already missed one sex dream because we were too busy sleeping around with you, people are gonna start getting mad at us if we don’t show up again.”

“I know, I know,” Current Events Jake sighs, walking away from them to cross his arms. “I just—it sucks, that’s all.”

“If it helps, we’ll be thinking about you the whole time?” Sex Dream Amy offers with a hopeful smile.

Just then, the door slams open, and in walks Director Jake and Assistant Director Amy. Assistant Director Amy resents the fact that she’s, well, _Assistant_ Director, even though it’s Jake’s subconscious and not Amy’s—and thus is always snide and cruel to Director Jake. This doesn’t mean that they’re not constantly hooking up and having very angry and hateful sex, though.

“What’s going on?” Assistant Director Amy asks, surprised to see Sex Dream Amy and Sex Dream Jake in Current Event Jake’s office. “What are the two of you doing here?”

“Uh... secretly having sex?”

“Okay, I’m not surprised by that, but why do it in Current Events Jake’s office? He has important work to do.”

“Um... I guess I’m a real pushover,” Current Events Jake awkwardly lies in explanation. “I’ll let anyone have sex in my office. And uh, not participate in it. I definitely wasn’t hooking up with them.”

“You’ll let anyone have sex in your office, huh?” Director Jake confirms, eyes slanting at Assistant Director Amy pointedly, who ignores him on purpose because he loves to remind her that they can’t keep their hands off each other, which is infuriating, but more importantly, she ignores him because no one can know about their secret, shameful, and highly unprofessional sex.

“Anyway... we were just here to collect some of Jake’s memories from Current Events Jake so we can discuss how to direct some upcoming dreams. We’ll be out of your hair soon—but I assure the two of you that if you fail to show up for one of your dreams again, you’ll never escape us. We will _hound_ you, understood?”

Sex Dream Jake and Sex Dream Amy nod nervously, very attracted to the authority Assistant Director Amy wields.

“Yes Ma’am,” they say obediently, as Current Events Jake hands her the stuff they need.

“Good. We’re leaving now,” she informs, dragging a lovestruck Director Jake away with her.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0128 HOURS, JAKE’S DREAM HEADQUARTERS**  

“Have fun you two,” Current Events Jake says with a reluctant sigh.

The three lovebirds had hung out for the past hour or so, being their cute, iconic, and universally acclaimed selves, but he has to part with them now because the sex dream is due to start in 8 minutes. And yes, that does indeed mean that the exact time the dream has to start at is 0136 hours; it’s a bad schedule, and Amys all over the Dream Headquarters have submitted numerous complaints. Sadly, no one has the power to fix the schedule. It’s a messed up world, y’all.

“Don’t say it like that,” Sex Dream Amy frowns. “You’re making me not want to go in.”

“Yeah,” continues Sex Dream Jake. “I almost don’t want to have sex with her, do you know how impossible that is?”

“Wow,” Current Events Jake marvels. “That does kind of make me feel better.”

“You’re really sweet, babe,” she tells Sex Dream Jake as she caresses his hair. “That was a really nice thing to say—to him, not to me. You’re gonna have to make it up to me in there,” she jokes.

Sex Dream Jake chuckles, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Of course. After you,” he invites, stretching his hand towards the door. It’s made of glass and has a top notch security system. Any person trying to enter the set has to enter a passcode; after entering, their entire body will be scanned to confirm that they have been authorized to appear in the specifically planned dream, upon which another door will open again and they can walk on set.

Of course, this security protocol is rarely used. Most of Jake’s dreams take on a rather improvisational direction, with tons of random faces appearing on set for no reason at all. Other times, little to no faces appear in the dreams. But the production team has insisted upon a sex dream today, specifically between Sex Dream Jake and Sex Dream Amy only.

Anyway, enough of that pointless exposition. Sex Dream Amy enters the passcode she received earlier and walks through the first door. Strangely, however, after getting scanned and cleared for entry, the other door fails to open, and the entire platform that she stands on shoots up like some sort of elevator, carrying Sex Dream Amy away, screaming.

“No!” Sex Dream Jake lunges forth within a split second of her being taken away, arms futilely launching themselves against the door. His fists hammer the indestructible see-through material, because given the force and desperation with which his hands bang against it, there is no question that the door is made of something far sturdier than glass. “Bring her back!”

Current Events Jake’s arms loop around Sex Dream Jake’s waist and pull him away from the door, worried that he’ll break a knuckle or shatter an entire finger. But the latter does not give up, hurriedly entering the passcode in an attempt to follow his beloved.

“Dude, calm down,” says Current Events Jake, tugging him away from the door once again. “She’s fine, I’m pretty sure they’ve just–“

“What are they doing to her? What’s happening? Are they hurting her?” He interrupts with endless questions, clutching his head tightly, gripped by fear. He’s panicking, too freaked to properly hear Current Events Jake out. “I should’ve went in first, we—we should’ve went in together, I–“

“Hey, hey hey—listen, please, just listen to me. She’s fine. I’m pretty sure they just sent her up to the lucid dream room.”

Sex Dream Jake’s hastened breaths take a dip in speed and quantity. His eyes meet his counterpart’s in incertitude. “Lucid dream room?”

“Yeah, the real Jake can lucid dream now. They had to build a new special set for whenever he does that. You didn’t know?”

Sex Dream Jake shakes his head as Current Events Jake holds him, gently caressing his tangle (hair), planting a soothing kiss on his forehead.

“Well, you know now. Thanks to me. If I weren’t here, you’d probably be freaking out for hours, while Amy had the time of her life with real Jake,” says Current Events Jake, his voice teasing, yet comforting and kind all the same.

Sex Dream Jake leans into his touch. “Yeah. I guess I am lucky to have you.” He stands up, dusting himself off for lack of a better thing to do. “So... should we wait? For her to come back?”

“Of course. But I don’t think we should stay here—can’t let her have all the fun.”

“Really?” Sex Dream Jake crosses his arms, already catching his drift. “What should we do, then?”

“Come with me and you’ll find out,” Current Events Jake says, extending his hand with a wink.

“Where we’re going, I’d better end up coming with you.”

“Haha, nice one dude.”

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S BED, 0824 HOURS, WAKING UP BESIDE YOU I’M A LOADED GUN (ICONIC ONE DIRECTION SONG ASIDE, IT IS DANGEROUS TO HAVE GUNS IN YOUR BEDROOM, LET ALONE YOUR BED)**

“I had a sex dream about you,” Jake admits tiredly with a strange glow and goofy smile, watching Amy extend her arms up above her head, fingers interlocked in a morning stretch.

She snorts, ceasing her stretches to crawl back into bed. “Really? Didn’t we already have plenty of sex last night?”

“I guess even my subconscious has needs,” he leans in for a kiss, but Amy pushes him away. He frowns, looking scorned but in a very cute kinda pathetic way.

“Don’t kiss me yet, I want to brush my teeth,” she stands up, pulling Jake towards the edge and closer to her. “I think you should brush your teeth too, hygiene is very important.”

“Okay,” he agrees, getting out of bed and allowing himself to be dragged along behind Amy. “But only because I love you.”

“That’s cute, but please brush your teeth because it’s basic hygiene, and not because you love me.”

“Can it be a little bit of both?”

She relents with a smile, kissing his cheek. “Fine.” She starts rummaging through his cabinets. “Do you have any extra toothbrushes?”

“What’s a toothbrush?”

He cracks up immediately at the ashen, wide-eyed look she gives him.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” He pulls out a toothbrush. “Here, we can share.”

Amy looks very disgusted. “Jake, that’s gross!”

“Your tongue has been in my mouth,” he reminds, before opening a bottom drawer and handing Amy a brand new toothbrush.

“That’s not the point, babe.”

“I know, I know,” he winks, for lack of a better thing to do.

 

* * *

 

**SPLITZ, 1103 HOURS, GETTING BESSERT (LIKE DESSERT BUT IT’S AFTER BREAKFAST INSTEAD OF DINNER YOU GET IT)**

Minty kisses, a warm fulfilling meal, and many loving exchanged looks later, Jake and Amy begin making their way to Splitz for some ice cream.

At eleven in the morning.

Is that acceptable? Is it a good plan to put something cold in their stomachs at this hour?

It doesn’t matter. They’re very happy.

And also Amy has medicine prepared at home in case Jake gets a tummy ache from eating ice cream too fast.

“Table for two, please,” Jake asks conversationally at the counter.

The man standing behind it nods, but when he looks up, his face completely changes. His jaw drops slightly and his lips shake, his finger juts out slowly as he lifts it up to point at Jake and Amy, hand shuddering.

If Jake and Amy didn’t know any better, they would’ve thought he was just freezing and needed a jacket.

“You... you’ve returned.” He swallows once, throat tightening from some sort of tension neither of them can place. “This—this changes everything. Oh my god, is this, is this real? Are the two of you really together? As a couple?”

Jake and Amy exchange very concerned looks. Neither of them have a clue as to why this man seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“Yeah... we are. Dating.” Upon saying that, despite how low key weirded out he is by this dude, a small smile creeps up to his face, because even though he’s talking to a complete stranger, joy reverberates throughout his body at getting to tell someone that he and Amy are together. As a couple. In love. Dating for realz.

“Oh–“ the man does a little jump and they somehow spot a tear leap out of his eye in the process–“I just won fifty bucks! I’m the richest man alive!”

“Uh, not to rain on your parade, but could you please explain what’s going on?”

He dries his eyes and takes a few deep breaths to compose himself. “Sorry, sorry. That was rude of me. I uh, well, basically,” he inhales and exhales. “When the two of you came to Splitz, you totally changed the game.”

“What game? Oh wait. Was that the thing the staff does where they bet on which couples break up?”

“Yeah!” He points at Jake with an unfair amount of glee. “The two of you messed everyone up. It’s the bet we’ve never settled... until now.”

“Uh... how?”

“None of us could decide whether the two of you actually broke up or not. It was a whole thing. I mean, usually when we see break ups in here, it gets ugly. There’s just, there’s just crying, snot, a lot of cursing going on—but the two of you? No one could agree on what happened! Some claim that they heard you dump you, but nothing could be confirmed because they two of you were just... eating ice cream together looking no less in love? Thing after thing happened and nothing added up to something definite. Those who think you two broke up and those who don’t have been fighting ever since. But like, uh, in a non-obsessive way. Anyway, it’s the one bet that we’ve never concluded.”

Jake and Amy are speechless. They had no idea people were so enthralled by their love. Their entire school? Yes, of course they’re invested. But random strangers working at an ice cream store? No, they never wondered about whether that would happen.

“Wow, well, actually–“ Jake starts with his arms on his hips–“she did break up with me back then. But we’re back together. Does that mess with the bet in any way?”

“Also can we get our table? For two? Not trying to rush you, I’m just uh, curious.”

The man nods. “Yes, of course. Follow me to our finest table because you just earned me enough money for an early retirement."

They walk almost warily as they follow the staff member to their admittedly great table, getting settled in nicely and giving each other looks when the man walks away to let them decide what they want.

As they do this, they hear a familiar set of voices.

“Table. Your two o’clock. Looks like a train wreck waiting to happen. Guy keeps tapping his foot and looking at the clock. He’s fo’ sure—about to break up with Chatty Kathy over there.”

“Could just be because their ice cream is taking forever to come, I just saw some staff members freaking out over something.”

Jake and Amy get up and walk over to the booth behind them.

“Gina? Rosa?”

 

* * *

 

**SPLITZ, 1114 HOURS, I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM FOR UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTERS WITH OUR FRIENDS**

“Jake?? Amy??” Gina says in mock exaggeration to make fun of Jake and Amy.

“What are you two doing here?”

“We’re a couple out on a date,” says Rosa, who gives them a pointed look. “Question is, what are you two doing here?”

“Yeah,” chimes in Gina. “Don’t you have a girlfriend in the shape of Sophia Perez?”

“Not anymore I don’t,” Jake huffs. “Didn’t you see the picture Boone posted? She clearly cheated on me.” He sighs, and Amy’s hand slides up his arm quickly and holds him as a form of comfort. “What a meanie!”

“Not a word I’d use for a cheater, but okay.”

“Also... did she actually cheat on you?” Gina asks suspiciously.

“What do you mean? You saw the picture, she was clearly kissing that dude I’ve never met. Plus she’s been all distant lately, it all adds up now.”

Gina shrugs. “Okay, thought it seemed fake, but I guess I’ll have to believe it, since she confirmed it and all and you two broke up.”

Jake seems to freeze at this, and upon seeing Jake freeze, Amy comes to a certain realization as well and freezes up herself.

“Oh god,” Rosa sighs. “You didn’t talk to her about this?”

“In Jake’s defense, I showed up to his house before he could do anything.”

“And let me guess: he ended up doing you?” Gina clucks her tongue disapprovingly. “Jacob, I didn’t raise you like this.”

“We’re the same age!” Jake protests. “And—and Boone’s picture! How’s she supposed to explain that one?”

Jake gulps, kind of freaking out about what Gina and Rosa are saying, about what they’re trying to suggest here. Could they be right? What if he’s just done something horrible?

“Speaking of Boone’s picture, should we... get revenge?” Rosa wonders, picking at her knife. “I mean, I know we accidentally screwed them twice because we thought they messed with our stuff and all that, but what Boone did crossed a line.”

“I don’t think we should get revenge,” Amy pipes up. “I think we should just let sleeping dogs lie. This, going back and forth with the band? Prank after prank after prank? It’s not going to end. And it’s just going to make our lives hell if we keep participating in it. Maybe... we shouldn’t do anything. At least, not until we’ve wrapped up the annual production.”

Jake beams at her, full of admiration and love. His heart is so complete, and his mind drowns in thoughts of her. He momentarily forgets about all his problems. Especially the Sophia-themed ones. He’s so happy when he’s with her.

“Sounds great, babe.”

“And about the Sophia thing–“

Okay, now he remembers his Sophia problems.

“I agree that it could be... an issue. Maybe Jake could give Sophia a call? And Gina, maybe you could figure out if the photo was faked?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Gina starts on her research immediately, whereas Jake calls Sophia and it goes to voicemail.

“Should I leave her a message saying that I know what she did and that we’re done?”

“Break up over voicemail? That’s too harsh.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I should do it in person. Even though she definitely most likely cheated on me.”

Jake almost refuses to think about how Sophia not actually cheating on him could be a possibility too. He doesn’t want to consider it, because the possibility scares him and he knows the consequences of that theory being true.

_It would mean that he had cheated on Sophia._

 

* * *

 

**SAL’S PIZZA, 1328 HOURS, LUNCH TIME**  

“I mean... you told her you didn’t want anything serious, right? Maybe she took that to mean the two of you weren’t exclusive?” Amy suggests in a quiet, hopeful voice. “Then no matter what she did it’s okay that we’re together now, and you can just break up with her.”

She’s trying to make Jake feel better about how he could’ve accidentally cheated on Sophia with her. But it’s not working entirely.

“I guess,” he says, picking at his pizza, which is completely not like him at all. He finishes pizza, he doesn’t treat it like it’s parsley.

“The picture’s real,” Gina announces, taking a huge bite of her pizza. Trailing and tracking the picture took a while, and made them all hungry for lunch, but she did it and managed to prove the picture’s legitimacy. Never mind how she did it. Just take this information at face value, please.

“Oh thank god,” Jake heaves in relief, and Amy exhales a terrified breath she had been holding too.

He kisses Amy with fervor as if to celebrate having a girlfriend who apparently did cheat on him, and Gina and Rosa groan.

“I don’t approve of this,” Gina protests. “This is a family restaurant.”

Obviously, she doesn’t care for whether places are family friendly or not. Gina and Rosa make out everywhere, and the irony is not lost on her, of course, but she wants to mess with Jake and Amy all the same.

“Gina, you know your approval of the people I date doesn’t matter,” Jake tells her breathlessly, after pulling his lips away from Amy’s face.

“Excuse me?!” Gina scoffs, to Rosa’s amusement. “What kind of disrespect is this?”

“It’s Nana’s opinion that matters,” he continues with emphasis.

“Oh. Yeah. I guess you’re right then. But still, never tell me my opinion doesn’t matter ever again.”

“Copy that. Anyway,” he turns to Amy with a soft smile. “You should come visit Nana. I bet she’d love to meet you.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1634 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM**  

The day of their first show arrives, with technical rehearsal and their full dress rehearsal flying by faster than ever. Jake walks all the way to the dressing room after the curtain call practice to see Amy. As the show’s main leads, Jake and Amy are the last ones to bow during the curtain call. They get to hold hands as they do this, but once they bow they’re forced to go their separate ways, on separate sides of the stage, and go back stage from opposite ends. It’s a modern day tragedy.

“Guess who?” Jake greets as he walks in, his heart full at getting to see Amy, his joy bursting at the seams because she seems to light up at getting to see him too.

“Hey, babe,” she replies, tilting her head up to meet Jake’s lips as he bends down to kiss her. She’s sitting in a chair and getting out her make up, an activity which halts in light of his arrival.

“I can’t believe we get split up after curtain call,” he complains as he sits himself down in another chair next to Amy. “You look beautiful, by the way.”

“I haven’t put on any make up yet.”

“So?”

She actually has to look away as she blushes at this, his one word alone somehow able to make her heart pound.

“So... I can’t believe we’re split up after curtain call either. But we’ll always find each other after the show.”

“If I don’t get to kiss you within ten seconds of the play ending I’m suing Holt.”

Amy chuckles at this because he’s ridiculous.

“You don’t have the money to sue Holt. And I can’t get to you in ten seconds.”

“I guess I’ll be experiencing some very crushing debt then. But maybe we can meet each other halfway.”

“We’ll be kissing plenty during the play. Is it so important that you kiss me after the show too?”

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

**BACKSTAGE, 2207 HOURS, END OF SHOW 1**

The show is a massive success, and they get a standing ovation when it all ends, hoots and hollers from their audience during the curtain call. It fills everyone with a sense of adrenaline, accomplishment, and some sort of exhilaration too. It reminds the club why they love doing this, year after year, why they put hours of their time into rehearsing, wielding their craft, dealing with the overwhelming time pressure of perfecting an entire show in the span of months.

They’ve created a masterpiece.

As agreed upon however, Jake’s first instinct when he retires backstage is not to get a drink of water or change out of his costume, but to desperately advance in the direction of the other side of the stage, in search of Amy for his promised kiss.

He’s about halfway through to Amy’s side of the backstage area when someone catches him by the wrist and pulls him back, stopping him in his tracks.

“Babe, you did so well!”

The blue lights do little to help Jake make out who this person is, but his mind quickly registers that this voice belongs to a certain Sophia Perez.

She tries to kiss him but he pushes her away in disgust; Sophia almost falls but catches herself in time, completely thrown by Jake’s behavior, and completely offended.

“Jake? What the hell!”

“I’m so sorry–“ he begins in apology at first because he genuinely feels guilty for nearly causing Sophia to fall–“wait. No. I shouldn’t be sorry. Not after what you did to me! But also I’m sorry for pushing you. That was uncalled for.”

Again, it’s very dark where they are and Jake can barely make out anything, but he can tell that Sophia looks very confused. She probably has no idea that he knows that she cheated on her. What a conniving liar!

“Jake, what did I do to you?” She sighs. “Look, if this is about not answering some of your calls and texts, I’m sorry, but the past–“

“No, it’s not that,” Jake interrupts in a huff. “Come on, you already did the deed, just own up to it!”

“What deed?”

“The cheating deed!”

“The– the chea–“ she looks at Jake like he’s gone insane–“Jake, you think I cheated on you?”

“No Sophia, I don’t _think_ you cheated on me, I _know_ you cheated on me.”

She makes a sound that’s somehow half a scoff and half a snort, completely dismissing this notion. “Jake, I didn’t cheat on you! Where is this coming from?”

He can’t believe she’s denying this until the end. “Look, check your Instagram. Go to Boone’s page.

“Who’s that?”

“He’s from the band.”

“That’s not helping, I don’t know who this person is.”

Jake sighs, but he can’t blame Sophia for this because Boone sucks and doesn’t deserve to be known by anyone. “Just, just hand it over.”

He searches up Boone’s profile on Sophia’s phone and clicks on the post, holding the picture of Sophia’s crimes for all (and by that he means just her) to see.

“Are you ready to admit it now?”

Sophia looks almost relieved when she sees the picture.

“Jake, this picture was taken last year when I moved out of Brooklyn.”

Jake freezes up.

“What?”

“Yeah, this photo’s several months old, I was at some party at my high school in Milwaukee.” She crosses her arms. “This Boone guy was obviously trying to sabotage you—all he’s given you evidence of is me kissing guys when I was single.”

“So you, so you–“

“So I didn’t cheat on you, Jake.”

Jake’s throat fills up with all kinds of very worrying emotions. He can’t move, he can’t think, he can’t breathe.

He can’t believe what he’s done.

“Jake?”

He swallows, but it doesn’t seem to be working. His throat, that is. His entire body, his entire system.

“Yeah?”

“So we’re good? I mean, if you’re still not convinced, I could always track down this photo and show you that it’s as old as I say it–“

“No.”

“No as in you don’t believe me?”

He tightens his fists and feels completely awful. Is this what terrible human beings feel like? Is this how demons live their lives?

“No... as in, we’re not good.”

“But why not? I–“

“ _Because I cheated on you,”_ he confesses in a single breath, and somehow it feels even more awful to say it out loud. “I... I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh fck
> 
> guess whos back after a million years
> 
> i hope u liked this bc i had fun editing and posting this at 11 am 
> 
> ok now time for a mini recap in the form of self reactions to my own writing bc im terrified that y'all forgot everything and wont talk about things that mattered to me in this chapter
> 
> luis and louie are me when getting bribed, i love them so so much yall!!!! fuck!!!!!
> 
> oso yes in jakes subconscious i basically made jake fuck himself u welcome
> 
> director jake and assistant director amy tho amirite i love inventing pointless ships 
> 
> pls talk about the splitz guy i love him too also can u believe gina and rosa went to splitz and thought it was so fun they joined in on betting which couples broke up and all that too?? they r truly icons
> 
> and ya sophia ain't cheat on jake have fun going off and dying!!!!!


	28. if you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls dont quit halfway trust me its not what you think its gonna be like it really isnt go all the way bbs 
> 
> im so scared dont quit halfway to send me anon hate or anything ok

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 2215 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM TOILET**  

Amy lets out a sigh of relief when she sets herself down on the toilet seat. Yes, she’s well aware that she was supposed to run into Jake’s arms the second the play ended, but she’s sure romance can take a backseat for her bladder.

As she relieves herself, she hears the dressing room door open, hears some other people enter the room, which doesn’t surprise her or alarm her at all. People are allowed to be in the dressing room, and besides, Amy’s locked the toilet door, so she doesn’t have to worry about losing her privacy.

What ends up worrying her is the words that spill from their mouths.

“Did you see them out there?”

“Who? Jake and Sophia?”

Amy freezes. She finds it harder to breathe suddenly, but also finds it in her to calm down. Because it’s probably nothing. It’s nothing, right?

“Yeah. I thought they were over but I heard from someone on the cheer squad, they said that picture of Sophia that Boone posted? It was from last year, when she was in another school. So like... Sophia didn’t cheat on him.”

Amy slowly gets herself tidied up, feet shaking as they approach the sink. She doesn’t know how to feel.

“Damn, really?” she hears them open the door again, probably to leave. “Do you think they’ll get back together then?”

“I mean, I’m not sure they even broke up in the first place.”

The door slams shut, and Amy feels like she’s just been hit in the knees with a baseball bat. Tears fall from her eyes seemingly just as fast as water flows out from the tap, and she fails to fight off the wave of panic that attacks her, the anxiety that assails her heart, lungs, mind.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 2218 HOURS, IN SOME WELL VENTILATED ROOM THAT’S LOCKED**

“So you just–“ she scoffs–“you just like, accidentally had sex with her? Even though you’ve been refusing sex with me at every turn?”

Jake tells her everything. Well, not everything, per se. He doesn’t go into excruciating detail about how much sex he’s had with Amy. He doesn’t go into detail about how he’s madly in love with Amy Santiago and it’s made it virtually impossible to date Sophia. He doesn’t tell her how he was secretly so relieved when he thought that she had cheated on him, because he had never truly felt himself when he was with her.

“It wasn’t...” he exhales, scared, but also guilty, and also unsure of what to do, how to feel. “It wasn’t an accident. I—she came over to see me. Because she was worried about me, after, after seeing that picture.”

Sophia crosses her arms. She looks more angry than she is upset, which Jake supposes is a good thing. He feels like he’d feel worse if Sophia cried. “So... you won’t have sex with your girlfriend, but you’ll fuck the first girl that pities you when you think you got cheated on?”

He grits his teeth a little, because it’s not like that, but also he’s not being entirely honest, but also he doesn’t know how to go about _being_ entirely honest. “I, no, she–“

“You wanna know what I think? I think you’ve wanted her this whole time. I didn’t think about it back then, but you’re always with her. Yes, I know, theatre stuff, but you seem to be around her even when it’s unnecessary. You, you _light up_ when she walks into a room. I don’t see you do the same for me, hell, not even when we were dating the first time around.” She crosses her arms. “I thought the two of you were just kind of close, even though you always claimed to be enemies, or whatever that bullshit was back then. Because that’s what you are, Jake, you’re full of _shit.”_

The words bite into him a little, but they deserve to be said. She deserves to say them, or so he thinks.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, lips shaking as the words leave him.

“I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry, I _know_ that you’re sorry, I know you feel bad—I want to know how you feel, Jake. Tell me the truth. Why did you sleep with Amy? Does she have some kind of, some kind of better sex appeal? Or are you still hurt by when we first broke up? What–“

“I love her,” he blurts, feeling horrible but it’s the truth. “I’m in love with her—I have been for a while. I’m sorry. I dated you because... I was hoping you’d help me get over her. I wanted, I wanted to like you again. Because you’re fantastic, and I, I was so lucky to have been with you at all.”

Apparently, those words don’t help in any way, shape, or form, because when Jake looks up from his confession Sophia's eyes are watering, and it makes Jake’s heart ache to see. He truly, truly did not want to hurt Sophia. He hates himself, his current self, his past self, his future self, all his selves, for causing Sophia such pain. But what’s done is done, and he can’t go back in time and decide to have told Sophia the truth earlier, he can’t go back in time and confront Sophia before he slept with Amy, he can’t go back in time and realize that dating someone else, no matter how great they might have been, would not have helped him get over Amy Santiago. One does not simply get over Amy Santiago. As far as he’s concerned, it is impossible.

“So... you just, you just–“

Jake starts scrambling for a tissue, but Sophia stops him and wipes away her tears on her own.

“What I did was horrible. It was a mistake, and I was being an idiot, and you have every right to hate me,” Jake assures her, taking a deep breath. “And I know you’re sick of hearing this, but I’m so so sorry. There is nothing wrong with you, this was, this was all me. I’m the bad guy. Not you, definitely. And also... not Amy. Please don’t, hold this against her.”

Sophia huffs, almost unable to believe what she’s hearing. “Why am I not surprised that you’re trying to protect her?” She leans against the wall, the solidness of it stabilizing her. “Look. I... have to admit. This all sucks. I’m not enjoying hearing that I was basically a rebound. But I’d be lying if I were to say that, that I wanted to get back together with you because of feelings.”

This catches Jake off guard. “What do you mean?”

“As in... yes, I do find you attractive. Yes, I did want to date you. But... it was more because I thought–“ she swallows–“it would make it easier for me to transition.”

“Transition?”

“I mean... I felt like dating you again would make it easier to fit right back in, like nothing had changed, like I had never left. I wanted the girls on the squad to respect me, fear me... like they did back then. I mean, of course, being your girlfriend was not the reason I was captain of the squad. But it is the reason why everyone was so quick to welcome me back with open arms, albeit jealously.”

This isn’t fun for Jake to hear, but at the same time it weirdly makes him feel better. “So I was... like your trophy boyfriend.”

“I suppose. And I guess in a way that doesn’t make us so different. You were in love with Amy, I’m in love with power.” She sighs. “I guess that makes us sort of even. I mean, it’s not exactly the same, because what you did was worse, way worse—all I’m saying is that I’m not completely innocent.”

“So now, what? Where does that leave us?”

“We have to break up. For real. Publicly. I have what I want, and clearly, you also have what you wanted.” That is untrue. Jake doesn’t feel like he has anything he’s ever wanted at all. He hates everything about this. “So... there’s no need for this to carry on, especially since you _clearly_ don’t want it,” she bites her lip. It still hurts to say. “So yeah, we’re breaking up, and I’m sorry to say this but—I’m going to have to let everyone know that you cheated on me. But I suppose that’s fair, and kind of true, don’t you think?”

He nods. “One thing though–“

“I know, I know,” Sophia rolls her eyes. “I won’t tell anyone _who_ you cheated on me _with_. But you’re responsible for making sure that information doesn’t get out. I mean, I’m not a monster, I don’t want Amy to get hurt either. I feel sorry for that poor girl.”

Jake’s face scrunches up. “Sorry? Why would you feel sorry?”

Sophia shrugs. “I don’t know. ‘If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you’... springs to mind. Goodbye, Jake.”

She walks out after that, and Jake’s left alone to let those words sink in.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 2229 HOURS, NEAR THE EXIT**

“Jake!” she’s so relieved when she finds him, so glad that she gets to see him. She had managed to calm herself down in the bathroom earlier on, convinced herself that nothing was wrong, that regardless of whatever happened, Jake loved her, Jake _loves_ her, and she’s the one he wants to be with.

She believes that a little less when his hand reaches for the door handle, freezing at her words but not immediately turning around.

“Jake?” she says this more nervously, like she’s looking at the back of a man possessed. He’s not the Jake she knows, not right now, but she still loves him and because of that she’s incredibly worried. What on earth is going on?

His hesitation to face her is what prevents her from rushing to him, and when he finally turns around, it’s only for a second, like he couldn’t help but want to take one last look. Amy almost misses it, but she swears she spots a hint of longing on his face, in his gaze.

And then he’s gone. He walks out of the door, leaving, even though they’re supposed to stay for a debrief so that Holt can give them notes about the play to better prepare for tomorrow’s performance.

Amy has no idea what to make of his sudden departure. And she barely gets time to think about it as well, because someone spots her near the door.

Two someones, actually.

“Hey, we’ve been looking for you everywhere. Where’s Jake?”

Amy turns around to see an almost giddy in love Gina and Rosa holding hands, and envy courses through her veins to look at them, because they’ve just been in love this whole time, and they haven’t been stupid about it at all.

Unlike her. And now, whatever’s happening with Jake. She begins to worry that whatever went down between him and Sophia earlier was far more consequential than what she had convinced herself of.

“He... he had an emergency. I’ll be passing him Holt’s notes later on.”

They accept this. “Okay, let’s go,” says Gina. “Holt said the faster we get started, the faster we can all leave. We still have another performance tomorrow night and I’m literally about to die. I’m _so_ tired."

Rosa snorts at Gina. “Babe, didn’t we sleep like twelve hours last night?”

“Exactly. I slept twelve hours last night, and I’m _still_ tired. So chop chop, Ames.”

 

* * *

 

**STREETS OF BROOKLYN, 2241 HOURS, WALKING HOME**

It’s raining.

In his heart. The actual weather is quite lovely and crisp. The air is light and cool, and the wind blows gently, a weak breeze, not at all disruptive.

Jake’s temperament though? Thunderstorm. Terrible. Worst that New York City has ever seen. He had sort of a meltdown alone in that small room when Sophia left. The entire experience with her left behind a horrible taste in his mouth. He doesn’t know how everything came to pass. He’s a mess, he’s in such a messy position, he feels like garbage, a dirt bag, a disappointment, and he’s shaking for it. His hands are shaking, both from the exhaustion and also because of the guilt; he feels like he’s done something wrong, because he _has_ done something wrong.

And he doesn’t know how to forgive himself for it.

Why does he do this to himself? Why did he have to land himself in a situation like this? He never wanted to be in a situation like this, he never wanted to be associated with such an ugly, disgusting label.

_Cheater._

Cheater. Cheater. Cheater. Because that’s what he is now, isn’t it? That’s the word that’s burned in his mind because it’s the truth, apparently, and no matter how hard he tries he can’t push it out.

_Look out New York City! A cheater’s walking down your streets! Want to date him? Better watch out though, because he’s going to cheat on you!_

The fun announcer voice that says all this to him in his head, is not making those fleeting thoughts any easier to hear. He wants to stop, he wants to stop feeling this way, but his head feels like it’s been loaded up with poison, and it’s slowly filling up, up until his mind falls apart, bursting at the seams.

A part of him wants to run away and never come back. A part of him, a larger, much bigger part of him, is thinking about Amy. He doesn’t know how to face her, actually, because right now when he looks at her (that one short look he sneaked when he left springs to mind) he can only think about what a terrible person he is, what a terrible thing he has done involving her, that he does not fault her for obviously, but she’s a reminder all the same.

He thinks about the way she said his name when she found him. The look on her face. She seemed so worried, she must have been so scared. He has no idea how he’s supposed to fix this, if it’s even fixable. He just fixates on the image of her face that’s been printed into his memory. He doesn’t want to hurt her, nothing would kill him more than that.

But somehow, he has a feeling that being with her would do just that. Somehow, after this ugly thing that he’s done, being with her feels unacceptable. Letting himself date her feels like a diabolical thing to do.

At least... not at the moment. Not publicly. He knows that Sophia’s going to tell everyone he cheated on her, and he’s fine with that, doesn’t care about whatever people are going to do or say about it, he deserves it anyway.

But if he’s dating Amy? People will just put two and two together and god knows what they’ll call her. How they would see her. People are vicious, more so to women than men because society sucks, and he doesn’t want to see Amy get hurt, get attacked, especially if he can do something to prevent it.

He can’t think straight at the moment, he doesn’t know if anything he’s thinking is making any sense. Which is why he left the theater, he needs to breathe, he needs to air out his thoughts, but most of all, he needs to go home and get a hug from his mother. And maybe some advice, and maybe a shoulder to cry on, and maybe someone to punish him so he stops thinking of ways to punish himself.

When he opens the door and steps back home however, all he sees is Roger Peralta sitting in an arm chair in the living room, reading today’s paper.

“Dad?” his voice croaks, already sounding tortured. “Where’s mom?”

“Out with her friends. She’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

Jake vaguely recalls her telling him this, packing happily and giving him a kiss on the forehead, saying she’d be back in time for his final performance. He remembers how he was thinking about Amy and how she would look in her full costume, and how pretty she would be, and he envies his past self. It was a happier time, and it was only half a day ago.

He didn’t think he’d need his mother so desperately back then. But—only after his last show? Which is a day away? The thought of having to sleep on this without having her to unconditionally love him as he confides in her, that is the final straw. His breaking point.

Suddenly, Jake Peralta is crying in front of his father, the one person he once swore he’d never let see his tears again.

“Jake,” the older man sighs. “You shouldn’t cry.” But then he’s walking over and giving Jake a hug, and it makes him overlook the male toxicity of the statement, because Jake has secretly craved this for the longest time. “There, there,” his father strokes him on his back, and Jake starts to feel less upset about his mother not being around for once. “What happened? Did your play go badly?”

Jake shakes his head, and just as quickly as his tears start up, they stop. And he tells Roger Peralta everything (against all better judgment, but he doesn’t have very good judgment right now, remember? he never has).

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 2307 HOURS, SPILLING HIS SOUL**  

“Son, I don’t see what’s the problem. Doesn’t this mean you’re free to be with this Amy girl now?”

Jake shrugs, multiple times. “I don’t know. I don’t—don’t feel free. It feels wrong to just pretend nothing happened, just date her like it’s okay to do that after, after, I mean–“

“What is it?” Roger laughs. “You scared you’re gonna cheat on her too?”

Jake freezes. He has a few scathing remarks in response to that, but he doesn’t say them. “I don’t know. When I think about it, I don't feel like I even need to think, because I could never cheat on Amy. I can't even _imagine_ it, I love her, I don’t see myself wanting to ever–“ he swallows what feels like bile, disgusted by the thought–“ _betray her,_ like that. But then I also used to think I’d never be a cheater at all, _ever_ , no matter who I was seeing, and even though I didn’t do it on purpose, I started thinking, hey, so many of them say they don’t do it on purpose, and then I think about what you did to mom and I start thinking what if I’m going to be just like–“

Jake stops, realizing he’s probably spoken out of turn. “I’m sorry,” he looks away. He may very well despise his father's wrongdoings, but he’s still hearing Jake out right now, so he shouldn’t be insulting the man, right? “That was... that was harsh. I didn’t mean that.”

“Don’t worry, Jake. I’m not ashamed of it. Yes, I was unfaithful to your mother, but she forgave me. It’s okay.”

Jake’s face scrunches up. “You should be ashamed of it though. You hurt mom. How is that okay?”

Roger chuckles with a shake of his head, like his young naive son is being young and naive, and of course he knows much better. “We’re only men, Jake. We’re going to make mistakes, and like it or not? You’re going to hurt the people you love. Maybe you won’t cheat on Amy, but there’s going to come a day where you’ll make her cry like they all do, over something stupid probably, they can be real sensitive, women—and it’s okay. She’ll forgive you. That’s what love is.”

Jake makes a face at this. The horrible, vulnerable state he is in aside—hearing words like this come out from any person's mouth will never feel okay. “No, no—that's not what love is, I don’t want to hurt Amy. Definitely don't want to make her cry. Also, stop making women seem–“

His father laughs again, completely brushing off Jake's opinions and stances. “Don’t be too sure about that. Remember how you ran out on her earlier? Think she’s already hurt, no?”

Despite how much he’s hated the misogynistic overtones of his father’s words, he has a point. Amy must feel hurt and confused and–

“I... but, but I didn’t—I didn’t think about that, I don’t want to hurt her, I didn’t–“

“That’s my point, son. Even if you don’t mean to, you’re still gonna hurt your girl anyway. Might as well accept it, or just—don’t date her at all!”

He cracks up at that as he gets up and heads for bed, like of course Jake wouldn’t be stupid enough to put the well-being of another person ahead of his own, of course Jake would stay in a relationship that had his counterpart suffering, or even unhappy, as long as he himself benefited from it. Jake doesn’t want that, and he hates how selfish his father is, but as much as he wants to deny it, his recent track record shows that the shitty apple doesn’t fall so far from the shitty tree.

What’s the point of being with Amy if he’s going to make her unhappy? What’s the point of dating Amy if it’s only going to hurt her? Why was he so stupid? He just blindly chased Amy, ignored her past instincts, the ones that thought that them dating would be a bad idea, and now Jake’s apparently worn Amy down since she wants to be with him, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing. He’s seduced her for the long term, but it’s a mistake. He should have just quietly stayed Amy’s friend, at least he could have made her happy in certain ways. Safer ways. Amy was wiser than he was, smarter than he was, as she always is. He’s brought her down to his level somehow, made her blind to logic as he had been, so now he has to save her from himself. Right?

He’s spent so long yearning, wanting, chasing, waiting for Amy—he never considered the fact that he shouldn’t be with her at all. Doesn’t _deserve_ to be with her at all. He doesn’t know what to do with himself right now, isn’t confident that he can be in a relationship with Amy, or with anyone for that fact, without hurting them like he hurt Sophia. He doesn’t feel like he deserves to date anyone right now, or be happy, for that matter. He should only be allowed to fill himself with shame.

Once again, yes, Jake is aware that he didn’t purposefully set about to cheat on Sophia, but this reasoning feels like an excuse. He could have very well avoided ‘cheating’ on Sophia at all, but he didn’t, because he let his feelings get the better of him, let his desires get the better of him, and dwelling on this is making him feel so much worse.

He crawls into bed, finding the energy to check his phone before turning in for the night. There’s some texts from Gina, Charles, and he replies to them with ease, more or less. But then he gets to Amy’s messages.

They’re careful notes she took for him from Holt about his performance. They’re genuine inquiries as to his well-being, they are sweet, they are kind, they are loving. Amy is trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, telling him how great he was today, telling him how much she misses him already, talking about how she can’t wait to see him tomorrow.

She’s too good, and far more than he has ever deserved.

Every time his fingers go near his keyboard on a whim, every time he gets close to typing any words at all in the midst of him reading and rereading all her messages, his mind floods itself with crippling thoughts.

_You’re only going to hurt her more if you talk to her. You don’t deserve to be with her at all. The only way to protect her is to push her away. You’re not good enough to be her boyfriend._

These thoughts scare him, some of them sounding eerily like his father’s voice in his head, and they battle with his desire to talk to Amy, to pretend that everything is okay, his desire to leave home again and sneak into Amy’s house, Amy’s room, hold her until all his problems go away, even though she—or to be more accurate _being with her_ is his very problem.

He tried to fall out of love with Amy Santiago once. That failed spectacularly. He hopes that, for Amy’s sake, she’ll have an easier time falling out of love with him.

Frustrated, and tired out of his mind from the day’s and night’s events, Jake gives up and decides to ignore everything, throwing his phone aside and shutting his eyes, willing sleep to come.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0203 HOURS, THE COUNCIL OF JAKES**  

When Jake wakes up, he’s in a ball pit. His throat hurts a bit, everything around him is a little too bright, and he’s kinda hungry. He wants to go back to sleep already, but he’s in a _ball pit._ Which is super cool. But also uh, confusing. Yes, he should probably investigate and find out why he’s in a ball pit, and not his bed.

...after he plays in it for at least five minutes.

When he first wades through the sea of balls (haha) however, he notices someone in his peripheral vision.

It’s Gina, sitting at the edge of the ball pit, texting on her phone, nails perfectly manicured, hair on fleek.

What? Jake’s a supportive friend. Also he does her nails sometimes because she’s been forcing him to for years, and he takes credit for his hard work.

“Gina?” He stands up in the ball pit, accidentally tripping on a ball and falling flat on the balls, his face colliding with them painfully. He quickly attempts to recover as Gina laughs her head off at him. “What, what are you doing here? What are we both doing here?”

Gina groans. “Ugh. Don’t you get it? It’s a _sequel.”_

“What??” He’s even more confused than he had been before. No ball or balls can distract him now.

Gina rolls her eyes. “Oh my god,” she stretches over, touching his temple, thus incepting a whole lot of knowledge into his mind to catch him up. “There. We just saved ourselves some time. I’m not interested in explaining pointless exposition I’ve already covered.”

Jake crosses his arms. “I don’t get why I’m here. I’ve made up my mind, I think. There’s nothing to argue over, I can’t be with Amy.”

Gina shrugs. “Don’t be so sure. These boys might have something to say about it.”

A wave of her hand prompts five Jakes to rise up from the ball pit, like they had been buried under the piles of balls this whole time, like they had been waiting to be resurrected from the balls like zombies in the ground.

One of the Jakes, the one on the far right, starts picking up a few of the balls immediately and begins juggling them. He’s an adequate juggler, managing to get the balls up in the air but also slipping up once in a while and dropping his balls.

“Alright, I believe you crazy kids know what to do,” Gina says, already going back to a game of Kwazy Cupcakes on her phone. “Starting with Sexual Jake 1, go.”

“Wait,” Jake visibly reacts to this. “Sexual Jake 1?”

“Yeah!” pipes up Sexual Jake 2 (no point in hiding it, because obviously that’s where this is going). “He’s Sexual Jake 1, and I’m Sexual Jake 2!”

“Why would there be two of you?”

“Are you seriously asking that question? What, you think one Sexual Jake would have been enough?”

Jake sweats nervously, which seems almost impossible considering how this is a dream. Even though everything feels oddly real. The only thing that’s completely unreal right now is how five... _aspects_ of him are sitting in front of him. Naked. Okay, fine, only one of them is naked, and the balls cover up his balls, so Jake supposes he can live with it.

“Huh. Okay. But, what’s the point?”

“Uh... if you put our dicks together, it kinda looks like a super dick?”

“Oh my god–“ Jake rasps–“how does that look li–“

“Okay!” Gina interjects, already hating this. “Can we get on with it?”

“Oh yeah,” says Sexual Jake 1, the Sexual Jake that’s naked. “We’re not letting you break up with Amy and we’re willing to fight to the _death_ to make sure of it.”

Sexual Jake 2, who’s wearing a tie, nods in agreement. “Exactly. And I’m only naked from the waist down, but if I took off my shirt right now you’d be _real scared.”_ He pauses for dramatic effect. “I’m as jacked as _Terry.”_

The rest of the Jakes, Gina, and even Sexual Jake 1 crack up.

“Dude, stop! You’re not as jacked as Terry.”

“Dude!” Sexual Jake 2 whines at Sexual Jake 1, feeling absolutely betrayed. “You were supposed to go along with it so he’d be scared.”

“I don’t think we need to scare him,” Sexual Jake 1 starts off pointedly. “He just needs to remember that if he breaks up with Amy, he won’t get to have sex with her anymore.”

Sexual Jake 2 catches on, smiling, his pecs starting to move just like Terry’s would (he may not be as muscular as Terry, but Sexual Jake 2 is still pretty jacked for a Jake. Honestly, he should be the shirtless one, but life is strange), whilst Jake rolls his eyes.

“I don’t care about having sex with Amy.”

Everyone in the room, all the Jake personas, Gina, and even Jake himself gasps.

“Wait, why’d I gasp?” Jake asks, confused.

“I used my powers to make you do it for dramatic effect,” admits Gina. “But for real dude—you? You don’t care about having sex with Amy? Amy Santiago? Lives in Brooklyn? Kind of nerdy?”

“Yes Gina, I know which Amy we’re talking about. What I meant was that while sex with Amy is great–“

“Life-changing, ground breaking, hot–“

“Not to mention like, really good–“

Jake sighs at Sexual Jake 1 and Sexual Jake 2, even though they make excellent points that he agrees with. “Yes, all that stuff. What I’m trying to say is that I care about Amy more than the stupid good sex we have! And sex is not a reason to stay in a relationship with someone,” Jake says pointedly, his words meant to act as a major burn to Sexual Jake 1 and Sexual Jake 2.

“Suit yourself,” Gina interrupts briefly with a grin.

Sexual Jake 1 and 2 take offense at Jake’s words.

“Excuse me???”

You can tell that they’re really shocked because three question marks were used.

“You think we only care about having _sex_ with Amy?”

Jake looks unsettled by this suggestion. “Uh... Judging by your names and your like, jobs? Plus what you’ve both said so far... kinda?”

“How dare you! We love Amy! Not just for sex—we love how her hair smells, we crave holding her in bed at night, we love the way she laughs–“

“Plus she gives really good head!” Sexual Jake 1 bursts into tears after he says this, leaving Sexual Jake 2 scrambling to hold him and pat him on his back as he cries his heart out. “How could you give that up, you bastard!”

Jake almost feels sorry for Sexual Jake 1. “I’m giving all that up because I love Amy and I want her to be happy. And that’s not going to happen with us—uh, I mean, me—she’s only going to get hurt if we’re together. And I don’t want her to be hurt.”

“He’s right,” speaks up the Jake sitting next to Sexual Jake 1 and Sexual Jake 2. “Hi. I’m Self-Loathing Jake. And I’m a Jake,” he introduces himself.

“Hi Self-Loathing Jake,” everyone says in unison, like it’s an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting. Self-Loathing Jake looks like a version of Jake that he would hate to be, which speaks to the truth of Self-Loathing Jake’s name. He has frosted tips, a pencil thin mustache that extends to his equally thin beard, like a circle around his lips indicating where his mouth is, a disgusting looking burlap sack for clothes, and he just looks very unkempt in general.

“As I was saying,” he continues. “Jake is right. We don’t deserve to be with Amy. We don’t deserve to be with anyone, actually. Because we suck and we’re unlovable. Amy will figure that out eventually.”

Self-Loathing Jake makes Jake feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t really agree with all his words completely, at least not to the extent that Self-Loathing Jake says them, but they hurt Jake enough for him to believe it, really genuinely believe it for a moment.

That moment is cut short when another Jake speaks.

“Maybe Amy doesn’t deserve to be with you, but we’re not you. Amy loves us. Are you trying to say that Amy is wrong for loving us? That Amy has bad taste?” The Jake who had been saying all this spits out his rose, because when he was saying all this, there was a rose in between his teeth. “She is Amy Santiago, and she has never done anything wrong in her life!"

Sexual Jake 1 starts tearing up and Sexual Jake 2 just starts bawling his eyes out.

“God damn it Romantic Jake,” cries Sexual Jake 1. “You’re so fucking cool,” and he’s right in saying that. Romantic Jake wears a sharp suit that best fits his form, looks suave and charismatic in the most effortless of ways, speaks in a deep, sexy voice, and he looks much better now that he doesn’t have a rose in between his lips, so there’s that.

“I love you so much man,” Sexual Jake 2 confesses, composing himself enough to spew this praise in between the tears.

Romantic Jake gives them a careful nod, adjusting the cuff links on his suit for a second with a really hot look of concentration on his face, right before his eyes settle on Jake himself. Jake gulps at the eye contact they make. Is it immoral to want to have marathon sex with an alternate version of yourself? Jake isn’t very sure.

“Think about it. Don’t leave her,” Romantic Jake says, his eyebrows doing a thing that Jake can’t explain.

Jake swallows hard, fighting back arousal. He’s almost inclined to agree, do whatever Romantic Jake says. And also do very ungodly things with him, but uh, that’s besides the point.

Panicking, Jake turns to the right-most Jake out of all five Jakes, desperate to avoid the tension he feels just by looking at Romantic Jake. He hasn’t talked to this last Jake yet, you know, the one that’s juggling?

“Uh...” Jake trails off nervously. “What, what do you have to say? About all, all of this?”

The Jake that’s juggling stops juggling in confusion. “What? Dude, I’m just here to juggle. I’m Juggler Jake!”

“What? Gina–“ Jake turns to Gina, who stops looking at her phone as she’s called (she looks back after a second, but still)–“what’s going on? Who is this dude? Are you sure he’s even supposed to be here? I don’t juggle, how can he be a part of my, a personality—what was it again?”

Gina groans, slumping into the pit of balls. “I hate my job,” she complains, before sitting up. “No, Juggler Jake does not qualify to be here, and yes, he’s here anyway because uh, entertainment reasons.”

“Yeah!” Juggler Jake grins widely, cute in his own right, except for the fact that he’s wearing a clown costume from the neck down. “Plus, I’m super relatable!”

Jake sinks deeper into the balls. “How?”

“Have you not seen how many balls I’ve dropped? How many balls I’ve hit my head with by accident? Juggling is like, my one reason for existence, and I suck _so much_ at it.”

Jake exhales with a deep intensity. “God damn it, that is relatable.”

“See?”

“I guess you can stay. But... isn’t there supposed to be five Jakes advising me? And since Juggler Jake technically doesn’t count—I mean—I don’t even like juggling. I don’t even know how to juggle–“

“That’s why I suck so much at this!”

Jake snorts at Juggler Jake’s comment, before continuing. “Who’s supposed to be the fifth–“

Suddenly, the ground rumbles and shakes and everyone shrieks as something falls to the ground, landing in the center of the ball pit, balls flying everywhere. When everyone opens their eyes, they realize that whatever fell from the fake sky wasn’t a some _thing_ , but a some _one_.

“Hello? Who are you?” Jake asks, freezing for some reason at the sight of this Jake. Weirdly, he’s terrified, yet filled with a need to please this version of himself all the same.

All the other Jakes are shuddering.

“He’s Daddy Issues Jake,” says Sexual Jake 2, which nearly makes Jake laugh and actually makes Gina crack a smile before she frowns again because despite not being a Jake, she understands why they’re all reacting this way and she doesn’t like it one bit.

“What are you doing here?” Sexual Jake 1 hesitantly asks, refusing to make eye contact with Daddy Issues Jake.

“Yeah,” continues Romantic Jake. “No one invited you here."

“Actually, I _was_ invited here,” Daddy Issues Jake retorts with a pointed look, adjusting his captain’s hat, because of course he’s dressed up as a pilot. His voice, sounds like Jake yet also doesn’t sound anything like him. It doesn’t sound like Roger either, but the constant need to please him, plus the anger, plus the fear, all these feelings hit Jake whenever Daddy Issues Jake talks. “I’m just late to the party.”

“As usual,” Gina crosses her arms as she points this out scathingly. “When have you ever been punctual for something Jake-related in your life? I’m surprised you even showed up—you usually bail on this sort of stuff.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gone before you know it,” Daddy Issues Jake clears his throat. “I’m just here to remind all of you that we’re just like him. Dad. Hate him all you want, but you know it’s true. We can try to be better, try to be different all we want, but the older we get, the more like him we’re going to get.”

Self-Loathing Jake starts hyperventilating, burying his head in his knees, arms gripping so tight around his legs, like he’s trying to break them. “ _We’re gonna hurt her. We’re gonna mess it all up. We’re gonna hurt her."_

He chants this, over and over again, shaking back and forth, and it makes Jake feel so small to see, it hurts him to see himself like this, especially because he’s watching a very literal representation of a part of himself freak out.

Romantic Jake tries his best to calm Self-Loathing Jake down, uses assuring words, holds him by the shoulders, arms, shakes him, even tries smacking him—all to no avail. He flicks his head to glare at Daddy Issues Jake.

“Look at what you’ve done!”

“You think you’ve got it all figured out don’t you?” Daddy Issues Jake chuckles as he bends down to look condescendingly at Romantic Jake. “You want to love Amy, be with her, be her hero, protect her from all harm—tell me, who’s going to protect Amy from us? Who’s going to be her hero when we fail her?”

Romantic Jake’s bottom lip shakes, unable to come back from that, failing to hide the fact that he too, is intimidated by Daddy Issues Jake.

Jake himself feels cut by Daddy Issues Jake’s words.

“Think about Mom. She and Amy are going to have _so much_ in common when we break her heart.”

That’s the last straw for Jake, actually. He gets up, walks to Gina, who puts her phone down, looking angered.

“Look,” she interjects angrily. “I’m usually meant to remain impartial during crap like this, but if you dare suggest that–“

“Gina.” He falls at her feet, shaking. “I’m done. If anything, this only made me more certain that I’m making the right call... I don’t want to hear anymore, can you get me out of–“

Jake’s vision starts to blur and everything around him begins to cloud and darken.

“I don’t control when you come and go, Jacob, but it looks like you’re starting to drag yourself out of here.” She grabs Jake by the arm suddenly, and for a moment, everything is clear. “Just don’t do anything stupid."

Everything fades to black.

And then... Jake wakes up again, finding himself in a completely different place.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0423 HOURS, JAKE’S MIND PREP CENTRE**

Surgeon Jake stands over him when he wakes.

Well. It might be presumptuous of Jake to call him Surgeon Jake. All Jake knows is that a guy who looks exactly like him is dressed up as a surgeon, and standing over him.

“Scalpel. Tweezers. Blood. Band aid–“

“Uh, what’s going–“

Surgeon Jake (he’s going with this, because he doesn’t know how to address this... him) bursts out laughing, clutching his belly as he bends over, moving away from Jake who sits up in a hospital gown, visibly unharmed, which is a huge relief.

“Sorry,” Surgeon Jake hastily apologizes with a last laugh, adjusting his doctor hair net thingy, which was definitely put on wrong before, but his adjustment does nothing to correct the position of the hat on his head. “I have no idea what I’m doing, I just like to play doctor.”

“Surgeon Jake, stop messing around,” a voice calls from the corner. Jake is delighted to know that his made up name for Surgeon Jake happens to also be his real name. Once he’s over that excitement however, he turns around to look at two other versions of himself walking towards him and Surgeon Jake.

“I’ll cut to the chase,” continues the guy who told Surgeon Jake off earlier. He doesn’t give off a very Jake vibe, despite being a splitting image of Jake. And by splitting image Jake means face, not hair or wardrobe. “I’m Judge Jake.”

Oh. That explains it. Judge Jake has a comically fancy wig on and fancy judge robes to boot. “And this over here is Director Jake.”

Director Jake is holding onto a slate, which makes his given title somewhat convincing. He also looks like he really doesn’t want to be here, doesn’t care for being here.

“We’re here to like–“ Director Jake burps, then looks over at Judge Jake–“what are we doing again?”

“We’re here to help you practice breaking up with Amy Santiago,” answers Judge Jake, maintaining eye contact with Jake. “It has come to our attention that you won’t change your mind on this, so we’re making sure you don’t fuck it up. Because given your, or our, track record–“

“We’re gonna fuck it up so bad!” Surgeon Jake twirls as he says this, laughing maniacally.

“I’m sorry, but why are you here again?”

“I’m here to fix broken hearts and broken noses—heads up though— _I’m bad at my job...”_ he winks, whispering that last bit.

Jake sighs, looking around at all the Jakes in the room with him. “Look, this is, nice I guess? And a fair thing to want to prep me for, given my track record. But I don’t think I need it! Everything is going to be fine, and Amy will be... she’ll be happy. She’s better off without me and even if she doesn’t see it now, she’ll see it soon.”

Judge Jake shrugs. “Okay. Then prove it.”

A wave of his hand causes Amy’s form to appear in front of Jake, causing him to do a double take. After all this time, he’s still captivated and thrown off by her beauty, and the rush of feelings he gets when he sees her... there exists no energy as intense.

Her eyes actually sparkle, she looks at Jake in a way that suggests she’s seconds away from kissing him, seconds away from a warm embrace.

“Break up with her,” continues Judge Jake. “Do it properly, quickly, make her okay with the whole thing, and then I’ll pass you.”

“Or what?”

“Or you won’t be allowed to break up with her. We don’t want to hurt Amy, remember?”

Jake looks down at Amy’s earnest doe eyes. Of course he couldn’t hurt her, doesn’t want to hurt her. It’s why he’s doing any of this crap in the first place. He would die a thousand lives and the thought of hurting her instead of himself could never cross his mind. It’s very dramatic and overly passionate, which pretty much sums up how he feels for her.

He takes a deep breath.

“Amy–“

“Yes babe?”

Jake inhales sharply, feeling a lump develop in the back of his throat already, his eyes aching. He never knew breaking up with her could feel this hard, and that’s especially shocking given that none of this is real. Still, he feels each word leave his lips with a stab to his heart as they depart.

He looks away when he says it. “I’m breaking up with you.”

Silence. And then he looks at her out of curiosity, only to regret it completely. She shakes at his words, tears falling down her cheeks until her agony kills the silence and comes out the back of her throat as a wail. She drops to the ground and Jake drops with her. He’s half-shocked to see her react this strongly, half-not-really-surprised, because he too got dumped by her once and it was the worst feeling in the world. To think that he—how could he assume that just simply ending things would make Amy feel okay? She’s only human, and being told something so awful...

Without thinking, apologies stream out of his mouth and he lands kisses all over her face, chasing away the tears with his love.

“Jake, why?” she buries her head into his shoulder. “Do you not love me anymore?”

“No no no, of course, of course I love you, I love you more than any–“

Suddenly, the Amy in his arms disappears with a pop, and Jake feels the loss of contact hit him like a punch to the gut. He lashes out in response as such, lunging at Judge Jake and cursing at him, begging him to bring Amy back to him, sobbing, shrieking mad.

“You failed. Who tells someone they just broke up with that they love them more than anything in the world?” Jake doesn’t say anything to that. He was only speaking the truth. At this point, Amy is his world. He loves her as such. “You’ll only confuse her more.”

Judge Jake has a point, so Jake takes a step back.

“You’re right. I’ll try it again.”

 

* * *

 

**DRESSING ROOM, 1502 HOURS, GETTING PRETTY**

He can’t do it.

Jake. He can’t break up with Amy. He doesn’t know how.

Over and over again, his mind was ravaged with ways to do it, but he failed each time. All these weird attempts happened in what Jake supposes was a weird, weird dream, but he woke up more certain than ever that whatever he does is going to be bad.

He can’t break up with Amy. He also can’t _not_ break up with Amy, because he doesn’t deserve to be with her.

He’s pathetic, huh? He’s so pathetic, he can’t even hypothetically break up with Amy in his dreams. Although, a part of Jake feels like that would always be impossible, because breaking up with Amy was one thing, but seeing her reaction and pushing on with his objective was something else altogether.

Sometimes she would cry and he would rush to comfort her. Sometimes she wouldn’t hear him and do something cute, and he’d get distracted and forget what he was doing. Sometimes she would smirk at him and slowly shake her head, refusing to believe that he could deny the pleasures of her body, and then she’d seduce him, obviously succeeding. Sometimes all it took was the touch of a hand.

Jake’s point is... he doesn’t know how Amy will respond to him ending their relationship. But he knows that more likely than not, whatever she says or does will render him speechless, unable to continue, and he’ll be back to square one.

Wherever that square is.

“Why have you been avoiding Amy all day?” Gina asks carefully, as she applies powder to Jake’s face with less care. She’s helping him put on his make up for their last show, and her question leaves Jake tongue-tied.

Because she’s right, and he has been taking great pains to discreetly (but apparently, he wasn’t as discreet as he thought) avoid Amy all day, because he doesn’t know what to say or do. He’s left her on read, left her calls unanswered, left her voicemails unopened—he’s been a huge _dick_ , and the thought of following all that up with a break up? That just sounds painful.

Everything he plans to do or not do sounds unfavorable, a painful end for Amy, which is frustrating. Break up with Amy? She’ll get hurt. Stay with Amy? She’ll get hurt. Don’t date her in the first place? A bit too late for that, especially since time travel doesn’t exist. And Jake’s too dumb to invent time travel.

Wait. Loads of smart people exist, and they haven’t invented time travel either. So by that assumption, is it fair to feel dumb for not inventing time travel?

Never mind, that’s not the point.

Jake sighs, because he’s been internally monologuing for far too long and it’s time to answer Gina’s question.

“I... might have been?”

“Let me guess... does this have anything to do with Boone’s picture being from last year instead of something recent, thereby meaning Sophia never cheated on you, so you technically have been cheating on her, she found out, and... now you’re afraid she’s going to tell everyone that and you don’t want Amy to look like a home wrecker?”

Jake almost can’t breathe. “How did you–“

Gina shakes her hair out gleefully, proud of herself. “I’m revolutionary, Jacob. You should know that by now.”

Jake nods. So Gina has deduced a large chunk of what has happened, but she doesn’t know everything. An idea pops into his mind. “Yeah. So you see why I’ve been avoiding Amy.”

“Okay, cool. Does she know all this? Because if she was supposed to be avoiding you too, she hasn’t been doing a good job of it. She keeps asking around for you.”

Jake bites his lip, an act that does nothing whatsoever to alleviate his pain. Gina, who was combing through Jake’s hair, takes his prolonged silence to mean the worst and gasps, striking him on the shoulder with the comb.

“You didn’t tell her anything?!”

Jake rubs his shoulder, even though he knows Gina didn’t use that much force. And if she had, Jake probably wouldn’t be able to tell, because his heart hurts more than any part of his body at the moment.

“I mean... maybe not?”

Gina huffs. “You’re such an idiot!”

“I know, I know.”

“There’s no need to be so dramatic, kid. I don’t know what you’re going for here, but whatever you’re beating yourself up for, shut up and stop. Ignoring Amy and giving her the cold shoulder while you work through your boring male angst is a surefire way to make her look for love elsewhere.”

Jake sighs inwardly, nodding slowly to appease the wary look Gina directs at him as she applies a suspicious amount of powder on his face. He genuinely takes in her advice, but his thoughts about it are perhaps not in line with her intentions.

“Thanks,” he says with a weak smile tacked on, prompting Gina to carry on making him pretty as if nothing had happened.

The only thing he hopes for is that Gina’s words are right.

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 2213 HOURS, END OF SHOW TWO**

“Sweetie, you were amazing up there,” Karen gushes in that unconditionally proud and loving way that melts his heart, setting him free from the stress and pain in his life if only for a moment, relaxing the weight on his shoulders. “If I were an agent, I’d sign you on right away.”

She follows this up with a big hug and a peck on his cheek. He exhales at the contact, feeling as though he’s needed a hug for a week, wanted to be held for so long.

“Thanks mom,” he smiles as wide as he possibly can. “See you at home?”

“You’re not coming with me?”

“Gotta help clean up and pack stuff. You know Gina will kill me if I don’t stay to help.”

She pets him on the head fondly. “Such a responsible boy. Okay. I’ll head back first—your father’s dying to hear about the play.”

The reason why Roger isn’t attending the play he allegedly is ‘dying to hear about’ is because tickets were sold out long before he came back into their lives. It’s been surreal, living with his father again after years of missed appointments, brief and often age-inappropriate hang out sessions—and his return does not come without problems, or years of resent.

But his mom’s happy, happy like the way she used to be when Jake was a kid, so he has to live with it.

“Okay show’s over! Stop gushing about your mediocre to slightly-above-average performances, we gotta clear this area, everyone do what you were assigned so we can get out of this hell hole and go to bed like the good, talented kids we are.”

She claps authoritatively as she commands this, and Jake gets moving to start on his assigned task, which is to move everyone’s costumes from the dressing room to the storage room. An easy job, which he’s grateful to have because other people are stuck helping to dismantle the set (Charles), move heavy props (also Charles), as well as clean up the theater (somehow, Charles again, guy can’t catch a break).

It’s a good thing Jake’s tight with Gina, but it’s not like the girl’s doing much herself. Gina was self-assigned ‘management’, which she insists is a job, even though Jake and perhaps everyone else at this point knows that ‘management’ really means ‘follow Rosa around as she does her job’.

Jake walks straight to the dressing room where he intends to change out of his costume, because of course he didn’t rush to get changed after the play ended seeing how the only person he’d inconvenience would be himself.

He shuts the door, not bothering to lock it, walks all the way to the rack of clothes, using it as a sort of barrier to cover himself up as he takes off his top.

Halfway through unbuttoning his trousers however, Jake hears the door knob turn and nearly squeaks, because even though he’s taken precautions, he still had not expected anyone to walk in.

“Someone’s in–“

Jake’s anxiety turns to shock when he sees Amy walk in, and in the midst of some knee-jerk attempt to escape, he trips over something (probably some mascara someone dropped on the floor) and falls, causing himself and the rack of costumes to come crashing.

“Oh my god, Jake!” Amy rushes forth in concern, and with each step she takes Jake’s heart rate increases by ten beats per minute. The actual rate of increase regarding his pulse is probably less linear than Jake claims it to be, but his point remains: his heart is going boom boom boom real fast.

Could be because he hasn’t been stuck in a room with Amy seeing no logical escape route all day, could also be because he’s currently shirtless and his pants are halfway down (why’d he keep stripping when he heard the door open? no one will ever know).

It could also be because falling down hurt and the metal rod of the clothes rack smashing into his back shocked him as much as it has injured him. Hearts tend to pump faster when a human body is met with a sudden bout of physical pain. Ain’t science cool!

“I’m so so sorry,” Amy apologizes hastily as she lifts the rack up, kind of freeing Jake. He outwardly sighs at the sound of her voice, because he barely got to hear it all day, aside from all their scenes together during the show, and her words coat his skin like a fast-healing gel, which is a really specific thing to say but it’s an accurate sentiment because her words heal him, her words are what he needs right now, his necessity, his calming breeze on a hot summer day.

“I didn’t—I mean I kind of was trying to scare you but I never wanted you to get hurt, Jake I–“ then she pauses in the midst of a realization, inches back a step, and frowns, quickly coming to a resolution. “No, no, I take that all back. I’m supposed to be mad at you.”

As if to prove that point, she hastily but awkwardly crosses her arms, giving him a very practiced glare. Jake bites his lip to keep from smiling as he attempts to sort of pick himself back up, because even though he can’t see Amy right now (and is doing his best not to look her in the eye) he just knows she looks cute and he can’t break this _stone-cold-doesn’t-care-about-you-therefore-you-should-give-up-on-him-and-be-happy-without-him_ persona.

Of course, no matter how cool he pretends to be, it’s not going to work with his pants around his ankles. Jake makes the decision to pull them back up instead of taking them off completely, figuring that it would be best for him to start changing again after Amy leaves.

Of course, he can’t make Amy leave if he’s just staring at the floor awkwardly, so he looks up at her in what he hopes is an organic, not forced way.

Only to see that she’s staring at his upper torso for some—oh, right. The shirt. He’s shirtless. And last he checked, she found him physically attractive, so, that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.

He likes it a bit too much, but he can’t afford to get too caught up in loving Amy and everything about her if he wants to get her out of the room. So he clears his throat and Amy’s head tilts back up, snapping back into her disapproving frown.

“Uh... what are you doing here?”

He hunts around for his own shirt after he says this to sound chill and removed and casual, like he’s not freaking out or anything, hastily hanging his costume top as he reaches to pick the clothes that have fallen.

“I was, I was assigned to clean up the dressing room, remember?”

Right. Jake remembers now. Amy’s job was indeed cleaning up the dressing room after the play ended. He remembers them celebrating after finding out their assignments, flirting over how they’d have a lockable room to themselves, making plans to help each other out with their respective tasks so they could get the job done faster, and also so that they could be together, spend time together.

Yet look at them now.

Jake chokes a little over this, but takes great pains to ensure it doesn’t show. “Right. I’ll uh, be out of your hair in a sec.”

He grabs his jeans, trying to make his way to the toilet where he’d be able to get dressed in peace, buying his ticket out of the room, and then boom, he’ll be free and it won’t be awkward anymore.

But because life hates him, this doesn’t happen and he feels Amy grab him by the wrist at the last second, pulling him away, far away from the bathroom door, and slamming him against the wall. Suddenly, she’s all up close and personal, pushed against him in a dangerous way, and sirens go off in Jake’s head—not because he doesn’t like this, but because he likes it too much—obviously, he’s more than aware that there’s a reason she attracts him this much, reasons that he’s fallen so madly for her.

Her hands, pining him against the wall, leaving him at her mercy, just happens to be one of those reasons.

_“You’re not going anywhere.”_

That, and the entire way she said it, is another reason.

He gulps. Because what else can he do? She has him salivating at the mouth for her.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” She drags her finger down his shoulder. “I’m mad at you.”

“I can see that,” he says almost sardonically, before making a mental reminder to take the playful flirty teasing down a notch.

“People don’t usually ignore their girlfriends for this long after asking them to date. You’re supposed to play hard to get _before_ becoming exclusive, not after.”

Jake goes quiet at this. Right. She’s still his girlfriend. He’s reminded once again of all the events surrounding how she officially became so, and all the emotions flood his mind and he’s removed, he’s gone, he’s far far away and Amy senses this, senses how all the sexual tension has very quickly and very suddenly been replaced.

She takes a step back, holds his hand. This gesture somehow simultaneously makes things better yet worse at the same time.

“Jake... what happened?”

His mouth goes dry.

“Look, it’s okay, you can tell me anything. I know–“ she swallows–“I know talking to her must’ve been hard, and breaking the news to her couldn’t have been easy, but I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to do this alone. Whatever happens, whatever people say, we’ll get through it together–“

“No.”

“No?” The grip on his hand tightens. “What does that mean?”

“It means we won’t be together.” As much as it pains him to do so, he lets go of Amy’s hand.

“Why not? Are you going somewhere?”

He snorts, an involuntary reaction because she’s... she’s _her_ , and he can’t help himself, and his almost sort of laugh gets her smiling for a bit.

“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

Yes, a _classic_ line. Jake’s glad he watches tv and movies. People passively and coolly break up all the time in those. Jake’s just the asshole, the loser who leaves Amy in the first act before she finds true happiness. And that assures Jake somehow, that he’s helping Amy be happy, because she will and should be happy.

He just doesn’t think that’s possible with him anymore, especially given how he’s... the way that he is. He screwed up, _he's_ screwed up, like as a person, but that doesn’t mean Amy doesn’t have a shot at happiness.

“Make _what_ harder than what needs to be?”

Every new thing she says puts him in a spot. He can’t win with her, she’s too good. She's out here word-puzzling him into a hole; no one should ever try breaking up with Amy Santiago if she doesn't want you to. You'll never succeed. Also, why anyone would want to break up with Amy is crazy—yes, very ironic for Jake to say—but it's not about what he wants, it's what they need. 

“You know–“ he huffs in frustration, because he knows that she knows what he’s trying to do, but she refuses to show it, therefore prolonging his suffering. “The, the thing. I’m–“

“What thing?”

“I’m trying–“

“What are you trying?”

“I’m breaking–“ he sighs quickly–“I’m breaking up with you.”

“With who?” Her voice breaks and Jake is forced to avert his eyes. He can't believe she's trying to pretend he's not ending things on a _technicality._

“Amy..." he clarifies, and it's more painful like this, saying her name. It makes everything feel more real, and that hurts, because he's barely able to do this at all, but he reminds himself why he's doing this. Her. It's always her. "We can’t be together anymore, I’m sorry.”

“Why would you want to do that? Why would you—why would you want that?”

“Uh, I don’t–“

“Do you not know?” She crosses her arms, looking angry, but also terrified. “Why would you end things if you–“

“I guess I just, I just don’t love you anymore?”

He blurts this out without thinking, out of desperation. But once the words leave his lips, guilt and regret chill him to the bone. That was probably too harsh, way too harsh, and he doesn’t want to hurt Amy.

But just as he’s about to apologize for saying something so hurtful, he hears a laugh.

It’s hers. Amy’s laughing. Actually biting-her-lip-but-failing-to-hold-it-in laughing. At first, he thinks it’s out of shock. Of course, after being on the receiving end of his constant and unwavering affection, hearing something so awful must have sent her spiraling. Jake is truly a lowlife who deserves to die alone.

“Amy? Are you okay?”

She nods. “Sorry, I just–“

“You just what?”

Again, he asks that out of concern.

Amy shrugs with a wide smile. Not an ounce of despair or pain shows on her face. She appears carefree, jubilant, even. Like the past day never happened. Perhaps the harsh words didn’t hurt after all.

“I just don’t believe you!”

Wait... what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gdi im out here laughing at how i planned the chapter titles there were too few unique words and too many chapters wtf kinda name is 'if you think' anyway i guess it works if you force it
> 
> ya i did a council of amys sequel i never planned it so its not that great hope u still like it tho
> 
> also omg whats gonna happen wo w amy jake i need to sleep les talk about the council of jakes i promise next chapter will be a lot more fun than this one


	29. i'm not worth your time

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 2242 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM**  

“W-what–“ he stutters–“what do you mean you don’t believe me?”

Jake sounds almost offended, that Amy doesn’t believe him, that she’s smiling now, that her smile is being annoyingly infectious, and he almost wants to smile, too. The fact that he wants to smile and joke and laugh with her again is what hurts the most.

But the fear of being with her again that he can’t explain at this point, the unsettling crippling _no_ that rips through the back of his mind every time he gets the urge to kiss her, it forces Jake to press on. To insist, to convince Amy that he doesn’t love her, to make her give up on him.

Because it’s for her own good, it’s good for both of them, since they’ll just get hurt again, _Amy_ will get hurt again. Jake on the other hand? Pain visits him more than his own father. If Jake and Amy have any chance at salvaging their friendship, they have to give up on this romance.

Besides, who needs romance? It’s so all-consuming, and mind-numbing, and puts him on a non-stop high. Yuck! Who needs that?

“Oh yeah Jake, you don’t love me, suddenly, out of the blue–“ she nearly chokes on her next word because it’s mixed with a laugh, because she can’t believe she ever worried about him not loving her–“you’re such a liar, Peralta. That’s why I don’t trust you.”

She’s all haughty and somewhat suave about everything she says, she’s so goddamn charming and Jake is in a prison of his own making.

“I’m a liar?” he crosses his arms to match the attitude of those etched on her waist, huffing and puffing but blowing no houses down because he’s not a wolf. He takes this personally, unsure whether it’s out of genuine offense or if he’s playing into that flirty teasing thing they do.

“Uh huh,” she says, certain, eyes unblinking, bringing her face closer to his. “A stone... cold... _liar.”_

He uncrosses his arms, because uh... that got tiring, not because his crossed arms were preventing Amy from coming closer to him. And preventing him from leaning in, gently grasping her waist, like he is now. “How do I... convince you that I’m not?”

The corners of her lips curve up cunningly, but without any evil or malicious intent. So another word that is like cunning but doesn’t actually mean cunning. “Tell me to stop.”

She leans in, and like so many times before, their lips meet and the world stops turning.

Just kidding. The world won’t stop turning for anything, and if it does stop turning you should take a field trip to mars because that probably means the apocalypse has finally descended upon us.

Anyway, the perilous and fragile state of our planet aside, Jake doesn’t stop Amy. Of course. Once again, he’s meeting her halfway and inhaling her with his lips, tracing her body with his fingers, moaning like she’s a painful stab he never wants to heal. Again, he wants her. Again, he wants more.

Amy stops kissing him when she’s proven her point (and his hand is far enough up her shirt), licking her lips that are so beautifully tainted by him. “What was that thing you were saying again? About not loving me?”

Jake wishes he had self control. He wishes he could’ve pushed Amy away and said _no, i don’t want this,_ but he didn’t and he can’t. She’s the drug that he’s addicted to and he wants her so bad, just like the lyrics from that song All Falls Down, by Alan Walker featuring the voices of Noah Cyrus and Digital Farm Animals, you know, that song.

“That’s not fair. You can’t just kiss me and use that as proof of my love. I mean—who wouldn’t kiss you back? Who wouldn’t want to touch you?”

She bites her lip, briefly. “So what do you mean when you say you don’t love me?”

“It means we can’t be together,” he takes a silent breath. “It means I don’t _want_ to be together, Ames, I can’t date you anymore.”

Hearing that stings, but only for a second. “Okay. So why don’t we ‘not date’ in that bathroom over there right now?”

Her suggestive tone gets him going which is frustrating. “Why are you making this so hard on me?”

“Because if you’re trying to break up with me, I sure as hell will make it the hardest goddamn thing you’ll ever do. So go ahead and keep trying, Jake.”

“So what?” he says, ignoring how sexy her threatening words were, while trying to search for a fight to pick. “So so—you’re allowed to break up with me, but I, but I can’t break up with you?”

“Oh no–“ she belts out confidently, nothing about her spirit faltering–“I’m not allowed to do that anymore! In fact, as I’ve told you, breaking up with you at all in the first place always was and always _will_ be a mistake. So if you ever catch me breaking up with you again—punch me in the face!”

She catches him off guard and he fails to stifle a laugh, which he tries to pass off as a disdainful snort, more or less. “Ames, I’m not punching you in the face.”

“Then I guess that means you can’t break up with me.”

“I can’t break up with you unless I punch you in the face?!”

Amy smirks, moving to pick up some stray trash on the floor. “Exactly. Now hurry up, we have a room to clean and costumes to move.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0754 HOURS, AND IT ALL COMES TUMBLING DOWN (JAKE’S POPULARITY AS A HOT THROB)**

Jake doesn’t get scared.

Well, obviously, he experiences the state of fear (the large spider he nearly had a heart attack over this morning especially because he couldn’t figure out if it was poisonous or not and if it were non-poisonous— _whether it had connections to poisonous spiders who it would contact after seeing him—_ comes to mind. Needless to say, he won’t be sleeping the next few days), he can process being scared and feel it as an emotion.

What he’s referring to is the picture Gina sent him a minute ago on his way to school. Specifically, one of his locker: vandalized, the word ‘CHEATER’ scrawled in red lipstick.

According to Gina, the lipstick smells like cherry, but Rosa thinks it might be guava, so they’ve left the scene untouched for Jake’s opinion and further investigation.

The point however—is that it has begun. His downfall. The news. Everyone finding out about him and who he really is. He knows Sophia wouldn’t be so dramatic as to make a big post about it across all her social media accounts exposing him (that being said, he did refresh her profiles a few more times than he’d like to admit)—but he’s more than sure that Sophia’s told the cheer squad, at least.

Which leads Jake to believe that the person (or persons—not that that really matters but it must still be considered and acknowledged) who did this is from the cheer squad. The vandalism of his locker with the carefully printed _letters_ is almost a dead giveaway. Just like how Jake’s stock and trade is prancing about on stage and making his immense talent look effortless and easy—no one _spells_ out and shouts out words with gusto like the cheer squad does.

It’s almost touching, actually, the camaraderie, the bond between these cheerleaders, they're not actually as backstab-y as people claim, and it’s real sweet of them to support Sophia through... well, him.

He walks into school, and two girls walk past him, immediately recognizing him, one of them turning to her friend to whisper something scathing that Jake happens to overhear.

_“Can you believe I actually wanted to go to prom with him a few months ago?”_

_“God, he’s definitely the kind of guy to make out with someone else at prom if you went with him as your date.”_

It stings a little bit, but he stills his heart with the knowledge that these accusations aren’t preposterous. Or, are preposterous. He's not sure whether the distinction makes a difference any longer.

And despite the sting, he still isn't scared. People can say whatever they want. Words are just words—and they hurt, sure—but not anymore than Jake can hurt himself. Their words, while harsh, are not in the least bit harsher than his own thoughts about himself.

What scares him comes seconds later. Steps later, steps that bring him to his vandalized locker, which is slowly becoming less vandalized. The process of his locker being less vandalized by the second is what scares him. Strictly speaking, the _person_ who is cleaning his locker up, and the fact that they’re cleaning evidence of the hate crime at all is what scares him.

Amy Santiago... the person who has the ability to scare him the most apparently: she’s cleaning his locker right now with some sort of fluid and wet tissue, and doing a great job of it (obviously, what can’t this girl do, she’s done such a good job of it he can barely see even a trace of red).

His fear manifests quickly and he snaps, quietly, heart beating it’s way out his chest.

“What are you doing?!”

She turns to look at him without batting an eyelash, lips curved so slightly that it barely qualifies as a smile, not in the least bit shocked by his reaction. She playfully tosses the red stained tissue at him after she finishes scrubbing off the last marks, and he catches it out of instinct more than anything.

Curiously, he takes a whiff. And then another, because he strangely likes the mix of whatever flavor the wet tissue is with the cleaner fluid smell, and also the lipstick smell. He determines that Gina is probably right, he does get a hint of cherry (he’s also largely agreeing with her because he’s not exactly sure what a guava smells like. Or what it even is. What’s a guava? What does it look like? Is it supposed to be a fruit? A vegetable maybe? Some herb?).

Amy has her arms crossed, staring him down in amusement.

“What are you doing, you weirdo?”

Jake immediately moves the tissue away from his nose and maintains a very serious eye contact with Amy (or, as serious as he can make his face look), clearing his throat and getting to the point.

“That’s not the point—you still haven’t told me what you were doing at my locker.”

She clasps her fingers around her wrist, placing them almost innocently behind her back now. “I was... cleaning up something that may have been... absolute slander.”

“Yeah, I know. Someone wrote ‘cheater’ on my locker in lipstick. That doesn’t mean you have to clean it up.”

“I know I didn’t _have_ to–“ her voice sharpens now, as she gets annoyed at him–“I wanted to, because whoever did this, and whatever they said—well—it wasn’t true!”

“Except that it–“

“Oh get over yourself, Jake. You’re not a cheater, you would never willingly cheat on someone—you’re just—a guy who wasn’t aware that a relationship hadn’t ended. Or... a guy that didn’t know how to properly deal with the notion that he just got cheated on. For the first time in his life. The point is: however you handled the situation, it wasn’t out of malice. You were never trying to hurt her, Jake, you weren’t trying to hurt anyone.”

He bites her lip. She makes a good point. “But people were still hurt. She, she was still hurt, and she didn’t deserve to be. And you could be hurt too if you stay here any longer, if people see you at my locker, trying to protect my name. People might–“ his breath hitches–“people might think you’re _involved_ in this, Ames, think about what they might–“

She scoffs. “Is that why you’re going to so much effort to dump me? Are you trying to protect me or something?”

“Well no–“ he quickly denies–“but as a _friend_ I don’t want you to–“

“I don’t _care,_ Jake. I don’t care what people say, and besides, I _am_ the reason why you and Sophia broke up, I’m the reason why she’s calling you a cheater, why people _think_ you’re a cheater—so why not let them think something crazy, like, like how I’m probably a home wrecker too? Or something worse, I just don’t care–“ she takes a pause–“Jake... I don’t want to be protected. I don’t want to be safe from what other people might say about me. I... I want to be with you.”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0806 HOURS, TOO LAZY TO SAY ANYTHING JUST KEEP READING**

“Come on Jake, just admit it,” she cheekily pokes his side as she deliberately matches his pace to keep up with him on the way to homeroom. “That tugged at your heartstrings, didn’t it?”

There is a childish glee, an unmistakable gleam to her, and—how could he not want to protect that? How could he not want to protect her?

Amy might be strong, but Jake, and his heart especially, are weak. Thus even the very _notion_ of her getting implicated, having to suffer in any way because of him, he can’t bear it, he can’t take it. It might be selfish but... he can’t see any other way.

“No,” he bites hard, yet discreetly, on his bottom lip to make sure he doesn’t smile by accident. “No strings were tugged. All my strings are _un_ -tuggable.” That’s not a word, but neither of them point it out. If you typed that word out on an electronic device, red squiggly lines would appear beneath it.

“I can think of one string of yours I know how to tug,” she interjects suggestively, and subtly inches closer to Jake, emboldened by the fact that they’re slightly late for homeroom (which is an okay thing to do, remember how Gina helps them record their attendance in the online servers? It was mentioned a while back) and there’s practically no one around anymore.

He gulps. “My string’s too thick to be called a string.”

Her fingers trace down his forearm and slide into his hand. “Oh, trust me, I know _exactly_ how thick your string is.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1527 HOURS, COMING HOME**

It’s been a long hard day filled with ups and downs. The academic stuff itself was fine, it was great, fantastic, whatever... but the Jake stuff? A bit rough.

He wouldn’t sit next to her at lunch (he got Charles separating them, and Charles didn’t even know he was separating them, which annoyed Amy because she didn’t want to make a fuss especially since Jake was still talking to her, being his usual sweet and charming self, he even offered her one of his fries what a fucking dreamboat), he wasn’t walking with her to every class, he wasn’t kissing her secretly in hidden places, he wasn’t sending her flirty texts every half hour or so, he wasn’t holding her hand and touching her face, telling her how much he loved her.

And it’s not like he was doing half of the things she listed in the previous paragraph before, especially since they were a secret couple for most of the time that they dated, if what they were doing could be considered dating. But every time she sees him she gets this desire for something old, something new. And [every time they touch, she gets this feeling, and every time they kiss, she swears she can fly.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G6QDNC4jPs) Not that they’ve kissed today, but they’ve definitely kissed, and she still feels the ghost of his lips on hers sometimes.

He’s right there, no more than a hundred feet away from her at a time throughout the whole day, yet she misses him so fucking much.

She opens her front door, shoulders heavy, soul weary, and standing not ten feet from her, hastily getting up from the couch is her best friend and much beloved character, Kylie.

“Kylie!” Amy breaks into a wide smile half out of courtesy, half out of genuine happiness because _yay friend._

“How are you! What’s been going on we’ve both been so busy!”

Walking towards Amy with her arms wide open, Kylie stops momentarily when Amy suddenly and spontaneously bursts into tears.

“Uh oh.” She wraps Amy in a tight hug and pats her on the back as she hushes and soothes her best friend. “What’s going on, are you okay?”

“It’s...” she sniffles. _“It’s so much harder than I thought it would be I just want him so much I just need him–“_

“Hey Amy! I’m—oh. Oops. Sorry. We’ll talk later.”

Amy looks up from Kylie’s shoulder. “Oh! Hi Tony!”

Tony, who walked in on his younger sister in tears hugging her friend, is jacked. And also Amy’s brother. And also visiting for a week or something. Because he’s in college. So he doesn’t live here. And he’s ripped. Has that been mentioned? Have we cleared up the fact that Tony got bod? Okay good. Moving on now because he’s mostly irrelevant but still a very canon fact in this story.

Kylie dries away one of Amy’s tears, taking her hand and leading her up the stairs. “Come on, you can tell me everything in your room.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S BED, 1603 HOURS, SPILLING HER HEART OUT**

So Amy tells Kylie everything, which should not come as a surprise, as it was very strongly implied by the narrative earlier, and the narrative doesn’t lie.

“Jake Peralta is cancelled.”

“Kylie!” Amy whines, completely shocked and offended.

“Fine, you’re right, he’s not cancelled, but his issues are such a pain in my ass right now! And also your ass, but I care about my own ass a tiny bit more.”

“Well,” Amy sighs, clutching a pillow, on her own train of thought. “None of this would have happened if I hadn’t been the coward first. If I didn’t break up with him in the first place.” She sits up now. “I made this bed, now I’ll lie in it.”

“Please. You don’t wanna lie in this bed, you wanna lie in _his bed,_ ” Kylie winks, which earns her a quickly thrown pillow to the face. “You know I’m right!”

“Still!” Amy snaps, a tad bit embarrassed, a tad bit red in the cheeks. “You don’t have to rub it in.”

Amy’s phone chimes with a text notification, which only serves to amp up the atmosphere in the room, fully fueling Kylie and her teasing nature.

“Oooooooh, is it a text from the bae?”

Amy frowns at her. “The ‘bae’ doesn’t want to be my ‘bae’ anymore, remember?”

“Yeah, but we both know that’s a load of horse crap. So what did he say?”

“It’s not _from_ him,” Amy says pointedly, opening the text which causes her to freeze. Moments later, her position starts to worry Kylie.

“What’s wrong? Did something bad happen?”

Whatever spell that had Amy in a trance breaks, and she looks up at Kylie in disbelief. “No, no—this is... good news. _Unbelievably_ good news.”

“What good news?” Kylie props herself up with interest. “Did he propose?”

Amy rolls her eyes. “No! We won. We won the competition.”

“What competition?”

“You know, the one Jake and I went for, the youth arts presentation festival... that competition.”

“Oh,” Kylie drags in realization, only half pretending she knows what’s going on. But Amy can’t really blame her. The youth arts presentation festival hasn’t been mentioned in a few chapters. In uh, their life, that is. It hasn’t been mentioned for quite a few chapters in their lives.

“I didn’t even think about winning this year after we gave that judge a heart attack and nearly got him killed–“

“Wait—what happened now??”

“Oh my god–“ Amy’s eyes widen–“I have to call Jake.”

“So, you’re just not gonna explain what happened?” Amy ignores her, or doesn’t hear her, focused only on contacting Jake Peralta. She truly is a white man’s whore. “That’s just _great._ I love to live in confusion.”

Jake answers the phone seconds after Amy presses call, putting him on speaker, and Kylie has to bite her lip from laughing at how prompt he is despite claiming to have lost all love for Amy and never wanting to date her again. She elects to shut up, because she’s curious, wants to see how Jake and Amy interact when they (or just Jake, in this case) think they’re alone.

“New phone, who–“

“Jake we won!”

“What?”

“We won the competition! We actually, we actually somehow got first place, despite all the almost-deaths and stuff during the final!”

Jake loses whatever cool, aloof, cynical persona he planned on trying to adopt and just falls back into his pit of endless joy, bursting with glee.

“No way! Ames, this is amazing—the club, Holt, Kevin, us—they’re all gonna be so psyched! And proud! Damn, I never thought we would win, I have most of the competition blocked out already because of what happened.”

“We have to celebrate this,” Amy insists, taking advantage of Jake’s emotional high. “Why don’t you come over to my place? My mom’s making... uh... dinner.”

A pregnant pause hangs in the air. Yes, a pregnant pause. A pause that had unprotected sex, decided not to take a morning after pill, and as a result, is now pregnant.

“Amy... I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?!” Amy whines, desperately trying to think of reasons he absolutely has to come. “Uh... KYLIE WILL BE THERE! You like Kylie right? She’s great, you should totally come and we can all hang out–“

“I mean, I don’t know Kylie all that well. She’s okay, but not reason enough for me to–“

“Hello Jake,” Kylie interrupts, alerting him of her presence, and putting his heart into overdrive.

“HELLO KYLIE MY BEST FRIEND AND ONE TRUE LOVE,” he tells in a panic. “How’s it going... fam?”

“I’ll forgive your harsh words if you come over.”

“Already on my way!”

Amy and Kylie roll over in laughter for at least a solid minute after they hang up the phone.

“You see? This is why it pays off to have your boytoy live in fear of your best friend.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1838 HOURS, DINNER TIME**

Victor Santiago gently paces out of the kitchen with plates to help his wife set the table, over the moon to be finally home for once, instead of stuck in work on a case, or... stuck in work on a case. Or something else. It seems the reasons for his constant absence at Santiago family dinners (particularly those that involve friends/significant others of his children) are rather flimsy and poorly contrived, although that is not the fault of Victor Santiago. He is an excellent loving father who is willing to learn and grow, because he is always willing to admit that he is not perfect, and that there is always room for improvement. He may have his own ways of going about things and his own stances in life, but those can change depending on his wife and children. He loves them dearly and knows that he is not always right.

But one important thing he insists upon is that everyone in the family must have a preferred font. To just use a random one based on one’s current disposition is just insane, and he’ll stand for most things before he stands for a member of the Santiago family not having a favorite font.

A smile spreads across his face when he sees Diego and his boyfriend walk out the kitchen with utensils, carefully helping him set the table. What good boys. It’s not like they’re deliberately bending over backwards to look well behaved so that Victor will approve of their relationship or anything.

“Who are you and what have you done to my lazy son?” Victor says affectionately, to an awkwardly laughing Jehovah, who for once is not wearing a trace of eyeliner or any form of makeup.

“Dad, this is Jehovah. He is very good for me and my emotional development, also uh–“ Diego coughs nervously–“my grades have gone up since we started dating, because we often study together and are very focused on having good education qualifi–“

Just then, the doorbell rings and they all turn to watch Amy scramble down the stairs faster than she’s ever done before—which is a wild spectacle especially since she usually makes an effort to be careful as stairs are dangerous—whilst her best friend Kylie slowly trails behind her in amusement.

“I’ll get it!” Amy’s voice screeches as she continues to participate in a race in which she is the only contestant, madly grabbing at the door to swing it wide open.

On the other side of the door stands Jake Peralta, and Diego sighs, partially in relief because he’s not the only one with a boyfriend over today, partially in dread because there his sister goes again, stealing his thunder.

Hearing the one-person commotion caused by the doorbell, Camila steps out of the kitchen in curiosity and nearly drops a plate in excitement (she doesn’t actually drop the plate of course, plates don’t grow on trees and cleaning up the mess would be such a hassle).

“Is that you? Amy, you didn’t tell me _Jake_ was coming for dinner!”

Obviously, she says this in a loving tone as she empties her hands, rushing forth to smush Jake in a loving hug.

“Should I be jealous?” Victor asks his son.

“I’m already jealous,” sighs Jehovah. It’s very clear who holds the title of ‘favorite potential son in law’ in Camila Santiago’s heart.

“Sorry mom,” Amy apologizes with a smile as Camila stops hugging Jake and walks back to the kitchen. “But I just had to invite Jake over because we both received such great news today!”

“That’s fantastic!” Camila clasps her hands together with a loving sigh. “You two can share that over dinner.”

 

* * *

 

**AMY’S HOUSE, 1847 HOURS, ACTUAL DINNER TIME**

“Dad, I hope uh... you approve of me and Jehovah... being together. I know this is the first time you’re seeing him, and I know it’s all new to you–“

“Relax, son,” Victor says in between sips of wine. “Your mother told me everything. Of course I approve of the two of you. I’m... proud of you.”

“You’re proud of me?” Diego’s eyes light up, his heart racing because he’s hardly ever on the receiving end of praise. _“For being gay?”_

“Uh... of course.” Victor nods, more certainty in his voice this time around. “I am _incredibly_ proud.”

“Dad, are you disappointed in me because I’m _not_ gay?” Luis asks, downtrodden.

Louie looks upset too. “I’m sorry, dad.”

“What?” Victor is in a fluster. He had no idea this would happen. “Of course not! I’m also incredibly proud of how the both of you are, are–“

“Asexual?”

“And aromantic?”

“Yes!” Victor gestures in relief. “I’m so proud. Very proud.”

Camila gently taps her husband on the shoulder. “Yes children, we are both very proud of you all. Now—what was it that you were telling me earlier, Amy? About yours and Jake’s great news?”

“Oh!” Amy quickly chews her food, swallowing, and then taking a sip of water too just in case she chokes. “We won our competition!”

“Say what now?”

Amy lets out a gentle laugh for the benefit of her visiting brother Tony, who’s still here, by the way, and doesn’t know much about her theatre stuff.

“It’s an acting thing. That we did. For school—we represented our school.”

“Oh–“ Tony, who is an absolute unit, nods as he shovels another bite of food in his mouth–“I didn’t know we were supposed to invite our schoolmates over for dinner if we ever won competitions together, I think I owe my football teams over the years about fifty.”

Jake sighs, eyes drifting over Tony with a shake of his head. “Of course you were a football player,” he remarks under his breath.

“Actually, I don’t think Amy invited Jake here just because they won a competition together,” Camila interjects, slyly giving Amy the cue to tell her older brother about her supposed relationship with Jake Peralta.

“Yeah, they’re like dating or something, right? Last I heard?” Kylie smirks, deliberately playing the fool to see where Jake takes this.

Jake looks left and right, hoping that someone other than him will deny it, peering at Amy who’s looking at him all haughty and hot like she’s about to win, and he knows that he’ll never hear the end of it if he doesn’t deny the dating rumors right now.

“Uh... Amy and I aren’t dating.”

All eyes are on him suddenly, and the pressure has Jake wanting to desperately take his words back out of fear, but he says nothing because that very fear has him tongue-tied.

“You... you’re kidding right?” Several members of the family look confused and rattled by this news, to differing degrees. But Louie and Luis look close to distraught. How much of it is genuine and how much of it is being faked for dramatic effect is up for debate.

“But you made us believe in love!”

“I thought the two of you didn’t believe in love,” says Victor. “Isn’t that why you’re a–“

“Dad, being aromantic doesn’t mean we don’t believe love exists, it just means we don’t fall in love. We don’t feel romantic about anyone.”

“Oh,” some shame laces his voice. “I’m sorry.”

“No it’s okay dad. We’re all learning and we’re very proud of you for trying.”

In the midst of all this, Camila has kept very still, her expression unchanging. Until she drops her glass on the floor, smashing to pieces, which is when she bellows.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT DATING MY DAUGHTER?!”

And so began the longest and most apologetic dinner of Jake Peralta’s life.

 

* * *

 

**JAKE’S HOUSE, 2123 HOURS, TALKING TO NANA ON THE PHONE**  

Jake settles comfortably into his bed, shoving off thoughts about how he wishes the space next to him could be filled by a certain someone, picking up the call dialed by his beloved grandmother instead. Yes, his Nana whom he loves so dearly he doesn’t care about anyone whose name might rhyme with ‘Grainy Some Tea Ago’.

“So we’re visiting you because dad wants to take mom on a trip?”

“Yes! For the whole weekend. Gina’s coming over too, she said my house is nearer to the venue of the competition, and that she can’t _resist_ my food, especially if she knows you’re having it without her.”

Needless to say, Gina and Rosa got into the final round of the dance competition they were participating in, and Gina’s made sure that the entire club comes to cheer them on, which includes Jake and Amy. Meaning that he’ll see Amy this weekend one way or another, and he’s not sure if it’s something to dread or be secretly happy about.

“Sounds fun, Nana. Can’t wait,” he beams.

“Besides, I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend! I’m sure she’s lovely.”

Jake laughs awkwardly, unsure of where Nana got this information. “What do you mean? I didn’t say anything about having a girlfriend.”

“Wait, so you don’t have a girlfriend?” She laughs, almost mockingly, because she is mocking him, that’s for sure. “What are you, a loser?”

“NO NANA! I, I TOTALLY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!“

“Really?” Oh god. Why’d he do that? Why’d he take the bait like some common fool? “Who is it? What’s her name?”

“UH...” What to do now? Crap, he can’t make up a fake name like Queen Magnificent III or anything because Nana expects him to bring a real life ‘girlfriend’ over to meet her. And it’s not like he can get a girlfriend before the weekend, every girl in existence at his school hates his guts, and they’d laugh in his face if he asked any one of them to date him. Besides, even if he did manage to seduce someone before visiting Nana, he’d have to break up with them after the weekend ended... and that would just be unfair, not to mention incredibly cruel to whichever stranger he persuades to join him on this trip.

His mouth opens wide and useless, saying words before his equally useless mind can decide on a good plan of action. “AMY!” For the love of god. “Uh... yeah. She, she’s my girlfriend! Yup. Definitely... definitely my girlfriend. This weekend’s gonna be great, just... great.”

Nana nods approvingly, blissfully unaware of how Jake’s falling apart on the other end of the line. “Can’t wait to officially meet the girl who’s stolen your heart, dear. See you soon!”

 

* * *

 

**BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0803 HOURS, AT THE LOCKERS WITH JAKE AND AMY!**

Amy’s laughing her head off as she shuts her locker, unable to believe what Jake has just said. He really is a man full of surprises.

“You want me to _what_ now?”

Jake very obviously looks embarrassed about having asked her this at all, about having talked to her at all, so it’s clear that he’s desperate, and Amy is thirsting to capitalize on that.

“Just... _go away with me and Gina to my Nana’s house this weekend and pretend to be my girlfriend, for the whole weekend, and nothing but the weekend,”_ he rushes his words, as if slurring his request will make it seem more appealing for Amy to accept.

She crosses her arms, leaning against her locker as she stares him down, all the authority in her eyes. Physically, she’s a few good inches shorter than him, but power wise, she towers over Jake, who is ashamed at how hot he finds her right now.

“I’m not sure I get these mixed messages you’re sending, Jake. First you dump me, then you break my family’s heart by telling them, and now you’re asking me to pretend to be your girlfriend? What’s next, a marriage proposal?”

In a flash, he pictures her in a white gown, walking down the aisle towards him with a smile on her face, her heart on her sleeve, and he can’t breathe. He’s hit with a bout of emotion, all of a sudden consumed by something, something he wants more than anything he’s remembered wanting.

He plays it off with a little huff. “As if you’d say yes.”

“Who says I won’t?”

He goes stiff, but then drags his hand through his hair in an effort to look cool and composed. “Look, we’re getting off topic. I’m asking you for your help, Nana thinks I have a girlfriend and–“

“At least your grandmother’s not lying to herself,” she says, eyes sliding over insinuatingly.

Jake elects to ignore her. “And i may have named you as _said girlfriend_ so either I’m bringing you over this weekend or I’m bringing no one.”

Amy brings her fingers up to her chin to mimic being deep in thought. “Hmm, and why did you say my name, and not anyone else?"

“Because..." She raises her eyebrow. "Because it was the first name that came to mind, okay, and-and it’s not like I can ask someone _random_ to do it.”

“Why won’t you just admit that you want me to be there with you? Because you want to be with me, no matter what you’re telling yourself right now.”

Jake sighs, knowing he’s playing a game he’ll lose. “Look, if you don’t wanna help me it’s fine, I’ll just tell my grandmother you got mono or something–“

Before he can properly walk away, Amy grabs him, holding his wrists in both her hands. “No! I’ll do it, I’ll do it. Just... it’s going to cost you.”

“Oh–“ Jake digs out his wallet and pretends to search through it for money, which is a very futile thing to do seeing how he clearly has none–“how much?”

Her hand slides up his cheek as the other pushes his offer for money away. “You won't be paying in money, babe."

Jake can still feel his heart beating in his ears as she walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VICTOR IS BAE 
> 
> okay so here's 6k words, a tad bit shorter than my usual chapters but i wasn't in a very good place n i wasn't writing n i wasn't doing much of anything to be honest,,,,,, so by posting this is was Hoping (hint hint motherfuckers jk love u all please be kind to me) that i'd get some validation and that i could make myself and others happy! u know, enough so that i can finish this goddamn fic, its just one more chapter and then i can relax?? idk lmao. anyway yeah it would be nice if u left a comment, it would be nice to know this chapter made someone happy/u liked it/u were mildly entertained by it/u didnt fucking hate it. so yeah! please do give me some feedback
> 
> i didnt get this chapter beta'd bc as i said this really is just a pick me up, maybe this chapter seems crazier than usual, maybe they're all crazy so there really isnt a difference. have a good day bbs!! 
> 
> also uh, who wants me to do live readings of sturch? u can send an ask in my inbox on tumblr and request specific chapters :) if thats something yall r interested in lmao. ok peace out


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